Why Harry this storoem gave me goosebumps of the touched-by-the-divine kind. I came upon it using the random read dice. I am putting it in my favorites to share during the Christmas holidays.
It has the 'feel' of a classic written by masters of days gone by. Its good to see we still have masters writing in days of now.
Hello there RCParrish This little instructional essay on how to fall off a log gave me a good chuckle. I like the format, with it's introduction, three steps and a conclusion.
You are right, I think the trickiest part is actually falling off the log. You can't really try to fall, you end up jumping. So as you conclude "falling off a log isn't really as easy as it sounds.
or I might not have entered. This is amazing. You way more than followed the prompt to use the number 9 as many times and ways as possible. I especially am impressed by the use of the word 'be9'.
The only thing that made me give you four and a half stars was the lag in the rhythm in lines 21 and 22.
Good luck in the contest. I think you are a winner!!
Aw Meg what a cute poem with a surprise at the end!!! And the picture of Gus you included is to sweet for words.
I found this is in the Simply Positive Forum Reviewees list. I was pleased to see a Christmas item. I hunger for light-hearted and uplifting 'stuff ' to read. There is a lot of sad, dark items being written.
As always you have brightened my day (Pearl Girl).
Hi there Tuesday Mourning I hope you're finding your way around okay.(I like your username, by the way)
I like this poem. It describes being lost in dream and fantasy very well. In the third line you say that your mind 'floats and wonders'. I like the choice of the word wonder. It could have been the word 'wander' and still fit. But the word 'wonder' shows an active mind, not just one sitting stagnant.
There are a couple things to edit. First, you need to set the content rating. Second in the last verse, the word 'i' should be an upper case 'I'.
Hello there KYMAX This speaks of a 'sad state of affairs' . Not being able to please the one you apparently want to please the most. It gives the message that we need to love those around us.
There are a few grammatical errors and typos that need editing.
Line 1: 'wiyh' should be 'with'
Line 2 and 11: the word 'dont' needs an apostrophe, 'don't'
Line 4: should read 'the clouds go passing by'
Line 18: the word 'anyones' should have an apostrophe because it shows ownership, 'anyone's'.
My favorite line is 'But it's a sad day when you find out that all the best chapters in the book of life don't have you in it'.
That is a very creative way of getting your point across.
This is a good item. With a little work, it could be a great item.
Hey markymark I have decided to read 'stuff' about chocolate and yours is first.
I like this whimsical poem about one of my most favorite things in the world. I'm diabetic and don't get to eat much, so I taste vicariously through the words of others. Your words have taken a little of the edge off my craving. However, when I think of the absence in my own house of the sweet, brown, goodness that softly coats your tongue as you let it melt in your mouth while you savor the moment, I get a bit cranky.
You have 'rhythmed' and 'rhymed' a good, chocolatey poem.
So, I thank you for writing this with a bit of jealousy in my heart.
Well DRSmith , I must say this is a very 'bardish' item!! I am in awe that you can write as well as the numerous bards you mention in this piece. (I hesitate to call it a poem) It is written more like a saga of old. I can see it being recited at taverns of yesteryear.
Usually, long poetry gets boring, but I couldn't wait to see what classic poet you would mention next. And to think that you rhymed all this!!!
There may have been a couple spelling errors, but I was so enthralled I didn't take time to double-check.
I am sending back the auto-rewarded gps plus more. This is worth paying for, and not getting paid to read it.
Oh my goodness Oldwarrior what a wonderful ballad for an Irish lass. Once again your talent amazes me. This poetry flashes a moving scene of an Irish pub through my mind. I can see the patrons quietly drinking as the singer croons his ballad of love for a green-eyed beauty.
I have a Celtic ancestry, so this type of poetry/ballad brings tears to my eyes as the words reach in and caress my soul.
Please keep writing. I get immersed in your poetry.
Hey there Oldwarrior This ballad is wonderful. I am a Yankee but can identify with your Dixie Pride. Many don't realize that the Civil War was about more than just Slavery. The right to secede was a part of it. I was at Gettysburg last year and cried at the battlefields for soldiers of both sides. I also know that neither side was exempt from wrongs done.
If it were possible to give a higher rating than five stars I would do so. This ballad sounds like a classic that has stood the test of time. It flows so perfectly. I can hear it being sung at gatherings and maybe even Southern bars.
I must say,"I am in awe of your talent and your pride"
This poem takes us to a place of quiet and calm. Your descriptions of the meadow in your mind are good ones. I acutally ran my hand across the tall grass with you. We all need that 'quiet place' to refresh the soul.
There is only one spot that I think needs editing. In the second verse you have the word 'way' which to me should be 'away'.
This is a good poem. I am looking forward to reading more of your work.
semineurotic03
Thank you for writing this poem of tribute to those who go to war. You state that even if we don't believe in war we should support those who choose to go. They are fighting for what they believe in. They have that right, just as much as those who don't believe in it have the right to not go to war.
For the record, I hate war. But without it we would not have the freedoms we have today. My father was in WW2 and my daughter was in the Air Force in nuclear weapons maintenance.I am proud of them both.
The poem flows nicely and the rhyming is natural, not forced.
Hi there rjsimonson My daughter lives in Albuquerque so I was drawn in by your description of this poem. It is a wonderful description of the moon over the Sandia Mountains. The poem itself is perfect, but the explanation at the end has a few grammar errors and typo.
The first sentence should end after the abbreviation NM and a new one should begin with the word 'One night...'.In the next sentence the word 'was' needs to be deleted and the last word should be spelled 'lit'. In the last sentence there is one too many letter "t" in "the' (tthe).
I gave you 4.5 stars for the wonderful poetry. The explanation, if fixed will compliment the poem nicely. If you happen to do editing, let me know and I can change my rating to 5 stars.
Hey Meg, this poem makes me think of a couple years ago when we talked about you going to the shops during "The Wet". I told you to put on your bathing suit and swim there. You said I would see you on the television as they were trying to push the whale back out to sea. Thanks for this wonderful reminder of our laugh together over the WDC email.
It has been enjoyable seeing your writing style develop and become polished. Good job, my Aussie friend.
Hi George, This poem made me snicker. Most of the rhyme and rhythm added to the comical tone of the piece.There were a couple places where this could have been improved a bit. I am one to adhere to strict rhyme when writing poetry so the two places that used the words 'cards and bars' and 'hang and everything' bothered me a little. But they may not even be noticed by someone else.
As for the rhythm, in the seventh set of couplets, I think removing the word "But" from the second line would improve it. Also the tenth couplet is not quite right to my ear. I think if you would shorten 'should have' to should've' that one will improve too.
I love to laugh and this poem accomplished that. If you happen to edit this, let me know and I will check it out again. I can revise my rating.
Hello again, I have found another gem in your portfolio. This poem has the feel of something written by a bard. You seem to have the soul of a classic poet.( He called me, he wants it back) Sorry, couldn't resist that.
Again you have included the explanation of the poetic form you used. That is a big help to the reader.
The poem seems perfect to me, so there is really nothing to critique. I just will say 'Excellent job!!! I loved it.'
Hello Ben Langhinrichs What a touching poem. You take us from childhood with siblings playing in the tree house crafted by your dad to returning as adults to the same tree house to honor his memory.
I am not familiar with the 'crown cinquain' form so appreciate your inclusion of the expalnation at the end. Congratulations on taking first place in the contest.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. I am on my way to another delight from your portfolio.
Hello Ida_Matilda_Wright Help. I saw a review for this piece on the Public Reviewing Page and had to check it out.
I have never been the victim of the type of abuse you are speaking out against, so I can't empathize with your feelings. However, I admire the courage exhibited in writing this.
The title is directed towards one person, you. Yet the poem itself seems to have multiple speakers. I find this intersesting.
The large, bold lettering emphasizes the passion with which the words are uttered.
What an excellent reminder to turn eyes heavenward to see beyond the chaos of this present day and age, for those living in bustling cities that never sleep. I live in a rural setting and even there I need to be reminded to stop and hear the birds and look at the trees.
Thanks this encouragement to take time for things not made or controlled by man.
Hello, Richard Bennett, I see you have only been with us for a less than two weeks. Welcome!!!
I am commenting on this folder, but the suggestions could apply to your entire portfolio.
First of all, I think it would be helpful to the reader if you would go through and fill in the content ratings on each item and folder.
Next, telling a little about yourself in the bio-block may give the reader an insight as to what to expect in your writing or maybe why you write as you do. I always look for the bio-block of a new author to help me understand them a little better.
The fact that you are using folders to house certain topics shows you already have a good grasp of things on here.
Keep the items coming. We all love to read and review each others 'stuff'.
Oh Ben, how refreshing to read this poem. The peace overwhelms and calms the soul. And when you introduce the source of the peace and calm I am awed in His presence. I could literally sense Him entering the pasture.
I was so taken with the feel of your piece that I didn't check on whether or not you followed the pattern of the form you used and spelled out for us at the end. (Sorry about the run-on sentence) I am sending back the auto-rewarded gps plus a few more. This was a pleasure to read.
Hi Harry. Wow, what a good description of a hot day. I've never been to Dallas. I live in Michigan. We haven't had weather that hot yet this year, but know how it feels. Your words almost made me start sweating.
I like rhyming poetry, but this is okay. You did a good job.
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