Well Sophy , this is an excellent description of man's (or woman's) best friend when sad. Even with few words, no rhyme or no rhythm you created a very vivid picture. I could feel the dogs licks on my face and see the objects flying off the coffeetable as he wagged his tail.
Hmmm, this is something I've never considered before. I think blown kisses are like guided missiles. They lock onto their target and never miss. But if they did, I think it would be nice if they landed on someone else who needed a little love at the time.
Now, I will be pondering this all day. It might make a good short story.
Hey, this is pretty good. You tell a whole sad story in just twenty words. I like the 'poetry-ish' format. I see no technical or spelling errors. I think this is first place material for the contest you want to enter it in. Good luck!
Hello there Ms. Found In A Bottle I like this poem! It tells of an angel who lost her wing and a person trying to find theirs. The conclusion is that if they learn from each other, eventually they will fly together.
Actually as I am reading this for the second time I like it even better. I had given you four and a half stars. I am going to change that to five stars. This is good poetry.
Hello there tattsnteeth What a wonderful poem! It let's you experience all that can be brought to mind by putting a seashell to your ear. The images of the many wonders envisioned are described in flowing detail.
I love the rhyming pattern. I'm sure there must be a name for this form of poetry. I just don't know what it is. Well, whatever it might be, I like it!
Hello Jeanne Riggs Workman What a wonderful poem looking to those of our past heirtage for inspiration in how we live now. (I used a lot of prepostitions in that last sentence, didn't I?)
One of the goals of my life has been to be an example of loving and caring to those I may have an influence on. I have some good examples of that from my own past. so I need to pass the 'loving and caring' tradition on.
I appreciate this reminder to reflect on those who inspired me and to pass on the inspiration.
Oh the pain of love lost. I have never really experienced that, only in the occasional crush of very young love. I have been married for almost 34 years.
For that reason it is hard for me to review these types of poems. However you have written in a way that let's me understand the pain a bit. Perhaps part of the reason is because I am a rhyming poet and this poem has a wonderful rhyming pattern. The meter gives a nice flow to the words you use to portray your feelings.
First let me say that it takes money to run a website. So someone has to pay for it. That is where the advertisers come in. You should be thankful there is a means to enable free membership.
The way to get rid of the advertising is to pay for the basic or upgraded version.
Your item needs some editing for punctuation. Double spacing between paragraphs would make it easier to follow.
I am one who loves WDC.
I don't need the auto-rewarded gps, I have plenty, so I am sending them back
Hello Paralda, I chose to read this poem because my husband is an alcoholic. Even though we are still married and see each other sometimes we do not live together.
This poem describes his existence. The words you use, the lack of rhyming, and the nontraditional form are perfect for the subject matter.
Oldwarrior Your talent as a poet continues to amaze me. This poem in the words of a grieving mother at Wounded Knee is another wonderful example of what amazes me.
You have captured the anguish of souls lost. The rhythm and flow enhances the classic feel of the piece.
Hey there Oldwarrior, what a wonderful poem. It has the feel of classic poetry. And it rhymes!! The rhythm adds to the classic feel.
You show a good knowledge of history with your jaunt through the history of the eternal soldier, from the myth of Achilles to both the American soldier and the Viet Cong at the Tet Offensive and at Khe Sanh.
My brother PSanta-I'm ba-ack! says he has read your work and he agrees with me.
Ah, this is a wondrous walk through the woods. First I'll comment on technical stuff, then I'll tell you how I enjoyed this walk.
The rhyming pattern followed through the entire poem. The rhythm was good. I saw no errors in grammar or spelling.
Now I will gush over how it made me feel. This could have been a walk through the woods behind my house on our 140 acres; the worn trail, the fallen trees, the woodpeckers drumming and on and on. Your words took me on a nostalgic journey. The last two words perfectly describe being in the woods: 'wondrous bliss'.
Well what a fun poem this was to read!! I had to read it twice, one time out loud to get all the plays on words you included.
The rhyming two line verses were perfect for this.
It was a humorous trip through the words with these two fauns. And the ending brought quite a chuckle.
Ah yes, the cold weather nap out doors. Reading of your winter nap on the frozen ground reminded me of mine. Only it was at my deer blind made of branches from the woods, and I was sitting on a five gallon pail leaning against a tree. The warm sun was wonderful.
I love these stories of your life. The way you write makes me wish I could do the same. I may have to give it a try.
Hey there, I'm reading 'stuff' about coffee tonight. This poem is a good reminder that whoever we may be, whatever our lot or position in life, millions of us of have one common thread that draws us together; coffee starts our day. I think that if we could get all the world together one morning to share a cup of coffee, all war and hatred would cease. What do you think?
I haven't used the phrase 'vivid imagery' in quite a while. It applies to this poem. It transported me to a place in my past. I was walking around our 140 acres in the country. I heard the squirrels scolding. I saw the deer heading to the pond.
I usually look for rhyme, but didn't even notice as I read the first time. Rhyme didn't seem to matter. I had to read again to see if it had rhyme. The piece flowed along beautifully. I was totally immersed in experiencing the tableau you created.
Hey there, what an excellent poem. The title drew me. I was not disappointed. And it rhymes!! To me rhyming is important for poetry and so is rhythm. Both are done very well in this poem.
You exhibit a creative mind. Who would have thought of calling a brilliant sunset 'Winter's fire'?
Good use of the picture prompt which you included at the end.
Hi there audrey I found your plug for this poem on the Shameless Plug Page. It reminds us that we need to figure out which side of the fine line we will live on; the side where we wear a mask or the side where we show the real us.
The rhyming pattern is good. The flow bogs a little in the last line. To me it feels like there are a couple extra syllables. If I may suggest a change, "which road you should take." seems to fit. And as always we all have our own points of view.
One other thing you might want to fix is in the description. The word 'your' should be 'you're'.
Hi Dave, It's Daizy again. I should have read this before I read your other pieces of writing. It gives a little background to who you are. I always appreciate reading about the authors. It provides a little more understanding of their writing.
There is a typo and a couple punctuation spots to fix. You left the letter 'u' out of the word 'fourth'. There is no period at the end of the next to last sentence. There are a couple places that need a space after a comma. And for me it would be visually better to have a space between the next to last and last sentence.
Rancher Dave, milking a cow is one thing I have never done. Never had the opportunity. Besides I'm terrified of them. When I was little I was in my uncle's barn with him and Dad. A cow looked down at me and mooed in my face. Being a city girl at the time, this scared the daylights out of me. I was up in my Dad's arms without him having to bend and pick me up. Been scared of them ever since.
My trip through your portflio has been a joy. I am saving the rest for another day. I will be back.
I'm sending lots of gift points to thank you for my evening spent pleasantly.
Alright, there is poetry in here. And good poetry it is too. And it rhymes. I am a rhyming poet so I notice things like that. And it is a good subject; "Friends or more?"
You are a many talented Rancher. You know how to work hard to make a good life, you write short stories, you write poetry.
You are a wonder.
Oooo Spooky, Dave! I got goosebumps reading this one. I'm glad I got to chuckle first at a couple of the others I read. It makes you wonder sometimes when we face the unexplained. It does make one question if all we pass on the street are real or not.
Good, spooky job.
Nancy
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/daizy/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.76 seconds at 5:01pm on Apr 18, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
}
