Hey there Kate - Writing & Reading I have been reading poety tonight. I happened on this piece. It has the 'classical' feel to it. The imagery is good.
I like your transition from tall ships plying the ocean waves to ships plying the ocean floor.
You followed the parameters of the form you included at the end of the poem perfectly.
Hello the dreamer, welcome to our extended family!
This piece of poetry about hope for perfection is creative in the use of a box to keep it in.
The use of the word 'one' in the first few lines is a little confusing to the reader. I think the first two lines would sound okay, and not lose your intent, if they read "Nobody can be perfect
and yet I wanted to be."
The next two lines could be changed also and not lose intent;
"Now that I lost hope
of being perfect,"
Hey there Jack Bradley. This is a good idea. Putting the original and the revised version on the same page. You can get input on both.
For me, the revision is the better of the two. In the last line of the revision the use of the words 'Your shooting star' makes it seem more personal. And the words 'fading to memory' are very poetic.
Either way it is a good poem. I just prefer the second version.
Hi [suser:madhulika}, what a wonderful short story. You take us through Nancy's character development from bitterness to loving and caring. Good job.
You throw in a moral or lesson at the end without harping on it. I like that the other character's didn't harp at Nancy either. They let her bloom in the same manner as her garden.
Hey Meg, this is a good idea!! I am always looking for things to read. This will give me a place to find them.
I like that you don't just link to one particular item. This gets us into the complete portfolio so we can check out all of their 'stuff'. If we just went to the one item, we might miss something absolutely enthralling.
Hello writehanded~on hiatus. I can tell by your handle that you have a creative mind. It shows in this poem version of 'The Three Little Pigs'. It is the same old story told in a new and fresh manner.
The last three verses add a different ending than the original, but have a good moral for kids, which is expressed in the last verse.
Hey there catwoman I was looking through your folder of images and was just going to comment on the folder as a whole, but this picture of your sunbathing cats with a bikini top covering each female part cracked me up. I laughed right out loud. I can't imagine how you got the tops on them, or that they would stay on their backs in the lounge chairs long enough to take the picture.
I think I am going to put it in My Favorites so I can check it out when I need a good chuckle to brighten my day.
Nancy, No I don't look like the picture in my sig, but I used too. LOL
Hello, I have been reading 'old stuff' today. I came across this article. Written in 2002 and modified in 2004. This is quite a list of free services provided by Writing.Com.
It might be a good idea to provide a link to it somewhere, as a reminder to people of what this excellent site has to offer.
Thank you for creating and maintaining this site. I, along with three members of my family greatly appreciate it.
Hi there, iddycatwalks I found this on the Review Request Page. You asked for help with rhyming. Well, it doesn't rhyme, but doesn't need to. I love the lines,
'She had loved and lost
She had loved and won,'
In the last verse you need to change the word 'advice' to 'advise'. Other than that, this is very good.
Hello photoboy_76 Welcome to Writing.Com It's good to have new members added to our family.
The subject matter of this poem makes it difficult for me to comment on. I have had the exact opposite relationship with my father (I'm an older lady). So I am not faulting you for your feelings. I'm sorry there is reason to feel the way you do. It is good you have a way to express those feelings.
The mechanics of the poem is good. You express the feelings in a logical manner. You are not ranting and raving, just expressing your opinion.
Hello Grandma Catwoman. I checked this folder of pictures from your Butterfly Garden. I see that the last modification was in 2005. Do you still enjoy your garden?
You are so lucky to be able to have a place to maintain such a peacful sanctuary. I want one too!!
Hey Kelso I thought I had already sent a review of this piece, but as I was going back through 'stuff' it seems I read this, but never sent the review. I'm sorry the review is so late in coming.
I like this follow-up piece in your series. Are you going to write more? If you do, this one should be last because he dies in this one. Or maybe not. He could meet all kinds of different demises. That would make an interesting series of short stories.
Well now, this is another good doodle. You are very creative. The use of the words 'Peace Is' at the beginning and 'Pieces' at the end is inspired. Even though this is very short, you say a lot and say it well.
I see these pieces are around three years old. I like to read 'older stuff' to see how the writer has developed.
I like this. It is a good comparison of clouds moving across the sky to watching gowns of those dancing waltzing around the ballroom. (Sorry about the wierd compound sentence) I am assuming the words typed in bold letters were from a promp. If so, you did a good job.
I am sure I am going to enjoy my time spent here in your folder of 'doodles'. I like doodling myself.
Hello peacflezfeeling I see you have been a member of Writing.Com for a month. Welcome aboard!!
I found this short story in the Writer's Cramp. Good luck with the contest. This is a good recounting of a sad day that had a good ending.
I think there is one grammatical error to edit.
Where you say '...me with my mother.', I think it should read, '...I with my mother.' If you put in the implied word (lived) and read the sentence it makes sense. Knowing where to use 'I' and 'me' has always been hard for me to figure out. Adding the implied word and listening to how it sounds has been the only way I know which one to use. And even that may throw me off.
If you edit that part, makesure to wait until after the judging at noon. It is only a minor spot.
Good job with this short story.I am looking forward to reading more of your work.
Hello there, I found this short story on the Shameless Plug Page.
You asked if this could work out as a series of short stories. I think it could. There is a lot of room to maneuver your imagination around.
You created vivid images. The ending made me smile 'real big.' I don't know if it was you intention, but this was a fun read.(And I'm not really the short story type of person)
I have been looking for things to read that make me laugh or go hmmmmm. I love puns and plays on words. You have a bunch of them here. I smiled and said hmmm several times.
Hello there blackroses Welcome to Writing.Com. It's good to have new authors to read.
I don't share the passion for horses that you portray about yourself in this little essay. In fact, even though they are beautiful animals, I am terrified of horses. But I have other areas in my life that echo the same depth of passion you possess. So I can understand your love for these animals.
Hello again. As I promised in my review of your Prologue, I have read chapter one of your story.
This has the promise of being a good fantasy story. With editing, that will happen. This is a public review so others can read this and give their opinion also. That is why I will send my editing suggestions in another email. It will be too lengthy for this type of forum. I can be more detailed in a private review.
This is a good premise for a fantasy story, but there is a bit of spelling corrections to be made. If spelling is not your best subject,you should use spell-check or a dictionary.
There are also places where you used words that made the sentence redundant. For example, the third line in the introduction, 'This is the first story that I wrote up a detailed outline for before writing.' This could be shortened without changing the meaning or detracting from what you are saying. 'This is the first story I have written a detailed outline for.'
There are also places where punctuation needs editing, but working on spelling for now will help.
I will read the next segment and see how that sounds.
Hey there Johnathan Vladmir Chessington I like this peaceful stroll through a graveyard in poetic form. It brought to mind the sights and smells I myself have experienced on my own sojourns through the final abode of the human body.
I am a rhyming poet, but didn't mind the lack in this piece. The flow overcame my need for rhyme.
I was impressed with your creativity in using the words 'Memory Stones' to indicate tombstones.
This is good writing. Keep it up!!
Nancy
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