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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/daninidaho
Review Requests: ON
55 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
My job as a reviewer is to help you with your writing- not give you an ego-boost. I'll tell you what's working well in your piece, but also suggestions for improvement. And improvement of your writing skill is why you're here, right?
I'm good at...
Spotting sections of the writing that do or do not 1) Flow well; 2) Employ description; 3) Convey emotion and intent; 4) Use believable dialogue; 5) Utilize proper verb tense. What I will not do is comment on SPAG! Unless you request it, I won't correct your spelling or grammar. IMHO, SPAG is only important when you're in the final edit stage. Until then, the WAY your piece is written is what counts. Misspelled words and grammar sins can be fixed later.
Favorite Genres
Fiction: Mystery, Adventure, Humor, Suspense, Macabre, Science Fiction, and Literary Fiction. Non-Fiction: Memoir, Essay, Satire, Spiritual (as in religious), and Reviews.
Least Favorite Genres
Poetry, Fantasy, Fanfiction, Horror, Manga, Erotica, History, Historical Fiction, Biography, Autobiography (not to be confused with Memoir), and Romance.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, Essays, Novellas, Chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Book-length pieces
I will not review...
Erotica, Political, Poetry, Fanfiction, Horror, Manga, Erotica, Historical Fiction, and Romance.
Public Reviews
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (3.5)
I don't have any issues with this being all in dialogue form. And there is a story here; it's short, but that shouldn't hamper your ability to be successful with it. And it seems you want to keep it light-hearted.

I have some suggestions, and hope you take them in the spirit in which they're being offered. If I'm off-base (no pun intended), feel free to disregard them.

The way you wrote this piece makes it hard to follow or get too interested in. And there's one reason why: the people all sound the same. I couldn't tell one person from another. If you could revise the dialogue so it reflects the personality of each person speaking, it would make this story easier to engage with and be livelier.

As it is, each person speaks almost robotically, in the same modulated way. Also, all the sentences are complete, as if each person is competing in a diction contest. Normal conversation contains people talking over each other, interrupting, sometimes cutting each other off. Further, in the entire piece, there are only two contractions: a couple of "I'm"s and one "Let's." Most conversations in real life are peppered with contractions and the occasional slang word.

One last thing: this incident is almost devoid of conflict. Conflict spells the difference between a story and a mere event.

I hope I'm not coming across as hypercritical. I'm an amateur, and don't know it all; I sometimes struggle with dialogue. But I believe if you spiced up the dialogue with some humor and conflict and realistic-sounding conversation, this story would have the impact you are intending for this piece. It is set in a baseball stadium, which opens up possibilities for further development; it's a unique environment.

Thanks for sharing this.
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Review of The Lonely  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's my third look at your writing. But I can't add to what you have shared. I could tell you again that you are good with words. Instead, I'll just say that you have listening ears here at WDC. God bless you.
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Have never heard of this book or its author, but will have to look into getting a copy of the book, after reading your compelling review of it.

While I'm not a big history buff, over the years I've been drawn to WWII books: The Good Soldier Schweik, The Great Escape, The Tin Drum, The Moon is Down, and many others. I have also seen many excellent war films, one of the latest being "Jojo Rabbit," which, though it is a comedy, cuts through the politics to exemplify the human side of war, which is what you refer to in this book review.

I like the information you share about the book length, since that's something to take into consideration before diving into it. But that's a minor point. Your description of the writer's style is compelling, for it drives the way he structured the book. Many times, a linear structure is not the best way to tell a story, especially since memory isn't always linear- so it's good to know this tale "jumps around," so to speak.

Your explanation about the meaning behind the book title says a lot about your deep understanding of the book itself, and lends credibility to your recommendation of it. And that fact that Doerr is able to tell this epic story while remaining objective (not taking sides) is what has sold me on reading this book soon. One other appealing thing about this book, based on your description, is its multi-faceted nature: the blind girl's world; the boy who befriends her; and the German officer.

Thanks for sharing this wonderful review.

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Review of I Can Fly  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (5.0)
Harrowing account!

Though I've never been in a serious motorcycle accident- instead just smashing up my cycle during stupid treks into the woods- I did get hurt badly when the front wheel on my ten-speed bike decided to part company with the rest of the bicycle. So, I can identify with the things you were feeling.

While I have no suggestions for improvement, I was impressed with several things here. The title is a darkly humorous touch and an attention-getter. (Comments like "my fall from grace" add a touch of the sardonic to your point of view, and really liven up the narrative.)

The structure is well crafted. You start with an initiating incident, then a flashback, before moving forward again. This kind of non-linear structure adds an element of suspense, which is always appreciated by this reader.

Descriptions are rich, but don't slow the story's pace.

One other thing is the tone. You mention creepy things like that collar bone trying to poke through the skin, yet don't register an immediate emotional response. That and other things fit in perfectly with the surreal atmosphere that develops as shock sets in. After all, one's pain receptors can only handle so much at one time.

Your story ends with lessons learned, resolution a feature of all good stories.

I only have one question: What is a "green stick"?

Thanks for sharing this well-told tale.
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (5.0)
A bag appears by the cave entrance...
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (5.0)
Been looking for the line spacing info for a while. Thx for posting this!
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very nice! Except for certain portions of the New Testament, I don't think I've read a Biblical account of the Savior's life that is as intimate as this one. As I read the story over again, I can just imagine John, thinking about all the events you mention as he slaves away in the marble quarries on Patmos, or sits on the shore, by the Aegean, trying to comprehend the incomprehensible. Then again, this was also John later on, after his banishment, meditating on the Savior as looks back on his own long life.

Regardless, it’s refreshing to hear another take on Christ’s life, and from a man who knew him so well. While I don’t pretend to know what John’s voice would sound like, the one I hear in this story has depth to it, and is verbally consistent in its adoration of Christ, and its admiration for Andrew, John the Baptist, and others whose fellowship he benefited from.

As I read the account, I couldn’t help but wonder how the Savior’s story would sound coming from the lips of Peter, the Savior’s chief apostle. Despite his passionate Type A temperament and his stumblings, he was always humble enough to confess his sins and repent. I find him so easy to relate to. And what would it be like to see your treatment of the life of Stephen- or maybe even a spirited conversation between him and Paul, since we’re in a fictional vein here.

Other thoughts came to me as I read your story. For one thing, this is a difficult piece to critique, not only because of the subject matter, but also because something as subjective as John’s musings and thoughts are not really open to debate, since they’re rooted in emotion and truth and faith. (I find little in the NT that’s not fact).

Another thing I thought about was how much longer this piece would be, should you undertake the gargantuan task of writing John’s memoirs, so to speak.

And then there’s the simple fact that anyone of us would benefit greatly from the attempt at writing one of these pieces based on any of the apostles, or Ruth, or other Biblical figures. The process of writing this would be similar to composing a lengthy essay, where epiphanies are sure to abound.

One final thought. What makes this story work- at least for me- is the fact that John is speaking to the Savior; and though the conversation could be taking place face-to-face or from the distance of centuries, the impact is till the same.

Thanks for sharing this labor of love.

One parting question: How long did it take you to compose this story?
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Review of The Year 1995  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm a big fan of narrative non-fiction, which is why I couldn't stop reading this until I reached the end. It was a compelling read, partly because I wondered what was going to happen next, but mainly because I was enjoying the descriptive ride. I also marveled at your survival skills. I've been in a few tough spots in my life, but never like what you were going through.

I like that description of the stars you gave, upon your release from jail. I like all the little details you provided from time to time. And while the expression of emotions is kept to a minimum, it establishes a tone I wasn't expecting- a detachment that encapsulates your post-release experience, as if it was safer to just take things an hour and a day and a week at a time in order to be able to process everything you were seeing and hearing and feeling.

I have no suggestions for improvement, since this feels like a work-in-progress that so far lacks a foundation. Maybe you shared this just to get it out of your system and down on paper, so to speak. But it sure feels like the kind of piece that could be expanded, for there are a lot of unanswered questions. Why did you throw away that box holding the photo and all your writing? What were you in jail for? Why were you on meds? What was the relationship with your father like?

Regardless, I'm glad you shared this, for it was a thought-provoking and enjoyable read, while also being a bit disturbing- which, given the circumstances, is perfectly understandable.

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Review by daninidaho
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I like the idea of being able to hear the deer's thoughts.

Your descriptions of the forest and the deer helped me envision where the action was taking place, and how the deer moved.

I also like the way to try to draw a parallel between the story and a real-life lesson.

Usually, when trying to show a character's thoughts, it's best to italicize those thoughts so readers can tell them apart from regular conversations. Also, it's a good idea to stay consistent and not do this: "When I got there, he took a big drink..." Instead, say "I took a big drink," since it's the deer doing the thinking. There are other places where you describe the deer as "it," then as "he." Keep it consistent: either it's a "he" or a "she" or "it."

This is optional, but- If you want to add an element of surprise, don't tell the reader that this is a deer. Just describe the animal's thoughts and actions during the entire story- until the end, when you reveal that it is a deer the reader has been listening to the entire time.

Remove all conversations between you and the reader. For example: "You know why?" and "Now or never!" They ruin the fantasy mood you're trying to establish and is very distracting.

Also, get rid of all the exclamation marks. They take away from the emotions you're trying to get the characters to express. Subtlety is a good thing.

I hope these suggestion help.

Thanks for sharing this story.

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Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (3.5)
WHAT I LIKE

Present tense is a good way to start the story, for it pulls me into the action.

The fact that this is a mystery makes it more compelling.

The character has a distinct voice and attitude, which makes him easier to identify with.

And for being in a hospital bed, there's plenty of action, which helps propel the story forward.


SUGGESTIONS

There's a lot going on in this person's mind. And while it's interesting to watch as Patrick pieces things together, some flashbacks- instead of mere references- would spice things up. Bouncing between past and present can keep the reader on his or her toes, too, trying to keep up.

While it's important to know what the narrator is experiencing, some actual conversation with the hospital staff would make the story more interesting- some varied voices that could supply clues to the narrator's past. Maybe alternate between snippets of conversation and that inner voice that dominates the story.

One thing I noticed was that there aren't clearly-defined transitions between what I would call scenes. I'm not talking about paragraph spacing, but places where the recovering patient either passes out from exertion, or simply falls asleep. You mention sleep once, but transitions between waking and sleeping (or conversations and thinking) would give the reader time to sort things out, as well.

Ditch all the exclamation marks. They narrow the narrator's range of emotion and prevent readers from being able to figure out for themselves what the narrator is feeling. Those marks take away much of your ability as a writer to vary the emotional state of the characters. I seldom use exclamation marks and it's forced me to find subtle ways to get a point across.

Well, I enjoyed reading this. I like mysteries, and this is definitely one that looks like a tiny part of a much larger story. Thanks for sharing it.

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Review of Into the night  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the way you started the piece, with a sunset and the fact that the heat was uncomfortable. It put me in a place- though I don't know where.

I also like your attempt to steer clear of conversation, going instead for thoughts and feelings; I like the surreal feeling it adds to the story.


Since I am not well-versed in mythology, I'm probably the wrong audience for this piece. I don't understand the references to Eros and Thanatos. (It would be helpful to explain at least a little about them, in relation to what's happening here.)

That being said, the jumbled structure of this story makes it tough to follow. The alternation between He and She causes me to believe I'm missing something important about the relationship between the narrator and the other two beings/people, but I haven't a clue what that relationship entails.

Run-on sentences and misplaced or overused commas add to my confusion and interrupt the word flow. For example: my cell phone rang, it was her, Airi wrote me again,

I can see that you put some work and thought into this, but I get the impression that this story would have more impact (or make more sense) as a poem or prose. Poetry might better project the feelings and the overall situation between the characters; prose could more easily convey the mood and atmosphere of night or darkness. Then again, I'm no poet, nor am I that practiced with prose to be offering more than amateurish suggestions, so...

Thanks for sharing this story. I hope you're able to sculpt it into a story that will have the impact you're looking for.



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Review of The Train  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Before I begin, I have to make some assumptions: 1) This is a finished story, not a rough draft, and, 2) This is a stand-alone story, not a smaller part of a larger tale.

What I Like:

There's a kind of Hitchcock feel to the opening, and a decent amount of suspense during the womens' train escape.

There's a lot of action and dialogue. The pace never lags; you do a good job of keeping things moving.

You set the opening scene well, as far as establishing a main character.

You limited the number of characters, which keeps the reader from getting confused.

Attention to detail, in relation to some of Miranda's actions and reactions, and with the clothing used for the disguise, helps me visualize what's happening.

You put a couple nice twists in the story: one, when Elizabeth realizes she's been drugged, and later, when the conductor foils Cecil's plot.


Suggestions for improvement:

As a rough draft, this would be a good foundation to build a fully fleshed-out story on. But the way it is now, it is too brief. I felt rushed from one scene or place to another, which made it hard to take the story seriously or become engaged in it.

For example, in the beginning, after you've established where Miranda is, Elizaeth rushes in and BOOM, she's suddenly clinging to Miranda. Miranda doesn't ask a single question, and, as if psychic, she somehow fully understands what's going on and hides Elizabeth. In view of the deception Miranda is part of, this would make sense. But as it stands, it is too convenient, not something a normal person would do in that situation. I'd be asking questions- a lot of questions.

Once Cecil leaves the compartment, Elizabeth shares her situation with Miranda, giving a synopsis of her predicament in a few sentences. Not only does it sound scripted, but the fact that Miranda immediately accepts it as the truth- again asking not one single question- stretches credibility to the breaking point. Maybe Miranda is an excellent judge of character, but if I were Elizabeth, I'd be wondering why Miranda is so willing to help a total stranger.

There's a rush to get to the bus stop, a rush to get to London, and then another scripted "speech," where Elizabeth finishes giving Miranda her life story.

Then there's the rush to get to sleep, to wake up, and the rush to see the sights. The story is moving too fast, causing me to lose interest. It feels like the you, the author, are just trying to get the story over with. The rest of this tale feels rushed and compacted, and the ending too pat to believe.

Now, like I said before, the foundation for a fun, interesting story is there. But you should slow down and give your characters some room to do their thing. Sure, Elizabeth is being chased by Cecil, but give her and Miranda time to get acquainted. (Maybe Cecil is a little dense in the tracking department and is taking a while to perform his search.)

Once the two young ladies have decided to work together, then have Cecil appear. And here you could start having fun with the characters. Make Cecil sinister or smarmy. Maybe he has a weird way of speaking or dressing- something to distinguish him from everyone else. After all, he's a villain.

Same goes for Miranda and Elizabeth. They should all be speaking in ways that differentiate them from each other. Miranda is okay, as you have her acting cool and confident. But since Elizabeth is running for her life, you could have her out of breath and speaking in incomplete sentences, just like you would if you were in fear for your life and on the run.

Before I forget, you included a detail here that could make for a very entertaining addition to your tale: with her birthday approaching in less than two days, the clock is ticking. There are a lot of opportunities for Cecil to make attempts on Elizabeth's life. Hitchcock used to do this all the time in his films, and it gave him a chance to ramp up the suspense but also introduce some dark comedy (which is always welcome in stories like this). This would give you the chance to introduce more conflict, especially in Miranda's mind and heart. Maybe she starts feeling bad about Cecil's plot, but to interfere would put her at risk, too.

I am really going on here because I see possibilities for this story- but only if you expand it to do the tale justice. Stick with the structure you've established, but lengthen the conversations, the action scenes, and the suspenseful situations. Those twists in the story can work in your favor, but only if you expand on areas that will give your story the impact you want it to have on the reader.

I hope these comments help, and I'm willing to talk with you further about the story, if you wish. Thanks for sharing it, and thanks for asking me to review it.


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for entry "Satisfying the Muse
Review by daninidaho
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Amateur here, dispensing amateur advice, so take it with a grain of NaCl...

Reading about writing is good, and you can pick up a lot of good tips and techniques. But sometimes there's no substitute for getting pen to paper (or fingers on keyboard).

When I get stuck and can no longer come up with story ideas (for example), I need to take a break and do or watch something relaxing or entertaining. Everyone needs a break from their specialty, from time to time. Maybe take a walk at night, which is what Charles Dickens used to do to free up his mind. After I take one of those walks, I usually sit down afterwards and write about the experience.

BUT, there are other writing alternatives. I will occasionally free-write. I once grabbed a roll of 2 1/2" wide adding machine paper- you could just use an 8 x 10 sheet or a blank journal- and started writing stuff off the top of my head. I wanted to see how many inches or feet of the paper I could fill with gibberish. (I think I wimped after only three feet.) I felt better about writing, though, after that little ordeal.

Other times I'll grab a composition book and go to a public place, where I'll write about what's going on there, especially small details I wouldn't normally notice. Another interesting activity concerns writing down conversations overheard in a restaurant. You start noticing a lot about how people speak to each other. Doing that helped me create more realistic dialogue, later.

When I get real desperate, I'll grab a book off the shelf and write a review about it- and the less familiar you are with its subject matter the better. It's as if you've entered a strange new world, which you're trying to describe to someone else. I did this with a Shakespeare play, a machinery handbook, and the Chicago Manual of Style. Same for movies or books or comics or TV shows you like- or cannot stand.

Taking a break from writing is sometimes necessary. But there are times when what you think is writer's block is actually your mind telling to try writing in a different genre or style or format.


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Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, here goes.

Sentence length can be a touchy subject- at least for those still in the mood to quibble about such things. In a few words, Hemingway would say to keep it simple. Henry James would advocate saying things until one is understood, and in many more than a few words, the trouble being that the more old Henry speaks, the harder he is to understand. (Some say that Henry James cared little for whether or not readers understood him- that he'd go on as long as he cared to, and if his verbal cart hit a big bump, passengers who ended up in the ditch would just have to try and get back on board.)

It would be interesting to read a roundtable discussion between the likes of Henry James, Shirley Jackson, Raymond Carver, Montaigne and others to see what they have to say about word economy, brevity, verbosity, and comprehension. But I digress. For the moment, I want to focus on the issue of sentence length as it related to postings here on WDC.

I too have been "advised" to cut down on sentence or article length- to which I would like to say "That's too damned bad"- but for purposes of civility have instead said little or nothing aside from acknowledging that the piece in question is a work-in-progress, so the length will probably change as I finish editing it. While that's a cowardly response, it does contain some truth, and gets me off the hook- for now.

The trouble is that a request to trim off verbose limbs can be tough to take seriously. Unless I understand the reader's request (or intent), I don't intend to act on said request. Maybe the reader is an accomplished writer and should be taken seriously. (Of course, a decent reviewer will offer suggestions for improvement.) I could see taking their advice to heart. But if a reviewer says a piece is too long, and leaves it at that, I begin to suspect that they're only in it for the GPs. The only way I'll know for sure is if I question the reviewer further.

As for WDC, I've already made up my mind: I'm going to write until my point is made. Site format restraints aside, if sentences are too long, maybe that's a test a good reviewer has to pass. If they make it to the end of a piece, it shows that I didn't bore them to death, or they have a decent attention span, or both. It's not that I'm a particularly good writer, but I do crank out the long section from time to time. (The risk I run is being tempted to get verbose and stay there- a road that can lead to pomposity, and the overuse of words like "pomposity.")

I believe there's a place for short statements and long ones; to me the key is whether or not they make sense. And if a reader at WDC would rather do hit-and-run reviews, more power to them- but they risk never being taken seriously or reviewed much, if they keep it up.
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Review of Pay It Forward  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's hot outside. Here are some GPs to help you cool off!
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's hot outside. Here are some GPs to help you cool off...
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Review of The Angel Army  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Just passing by...
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Review of Join RAOK!  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Not eligible to join RAOK yet, so I'll send these GPs your way...
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It's hot outside. You look like you need some GPs to cool things down...
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Review of "Pass It On"  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thought I'd do something constructive with my extra GPs.
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting topic you've brought up. While I'm not sure I want to be involved in reinventing a wheel I don't understand that well, I'd be interested in discussing essays in general. They fascinate me, partly because the thought process that goes into creating an essay seems just beyond my reach. I've tried writing them but am never sure if the finished product is a true essay, satire, memoir or mere opinion.

My focus is on creative non-fiction like memoirs, as well as satire and humor. I have a weakness for Wodehouse and Benchley, but am also starting to appreciate E.B. White, Thurber, and Edmund Wilson much more.

Let me know if you want to discuss essays. I'm not sure where the starting point would be, but maybe this is like painting a globe; you have to start somewhere...
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm turning 68 this August. Guess I'd better join this group while I'm still breathing.

By the way, I've been posting prime time TV scheduling for 1948 to the 1960s and beyond, if anyone is curious about what used to pass for entertainment.

Time for my nap...
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Review by daninidaho
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
YIKES! It's accounts like this that remind me about why I never entered the military. I hated authority, so I wouldn't have lasted long. That being said, I have tremendous respect for anyone who can survive the initial training and become a member of the fighting forces.

I like your bare bones account. The way you wrote it, time becomes a blur. which adds to the realism. So does the state of shock and disorientation that seems to be part and parcel of the intake experience.

And while it may seem a minor thing, writing this in present tense gives it more impact, more immediacy, than if it had been done in past tense.

Using words like "ominous" to describe your surroundings adds to a sense of the unknown- and the frightening realization that your very life is in Their hands.

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Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this situation- one my kids never pulled on my wife and I, thankfully (for I would have had a cardiac, worrying). Your story held my interest to the end.

Including the kids' ages helped me visualize them better, and made Carrie's decision seem realistic, given the time period during which this all happened.

There's a balance between dialogue and action, too.

As for the following suggestions, I admit I am an amateur at offering advice, so if it offends you or you think I'm full of it, please disregard it. I offer the following suggestions based on my work writing memoirs and creative non-fiction, in general- ideas or changes that could add impact to the tale you're telling. But again, this your story, not mine, and authorial intent is what determines everything that follows. I'm just saying that if you want to develop this more, there are options...

For one thing, this story could be much longer. Despite Chris shrugging, implying that "the why and how were not important," I believe they are in this tale; there are interesting and unspoken details buried in the background that could be expanded on: Chris seems to have been involved in a few other accidents- like what?; How long was that paper route?; How far was it from the accident to Emergency, and what could that trip have been like for poor suffering Chris, or anyone watching the kids on their journey?; etc., etc. But I digress...

The question-loaded beginning attracts attention, but it's six questions in a row, and bogs down things like the pace. An initiating incident- like the accident itself- would be more of an attention-getter.

Then again, the story could begin with that phone call from Emergency, where only enough info is supplied, telling you and the readers that something has happened, but not exactly what. As you race out the door, backtrack to the accident happening- the accident you started to describe. You could even include more about the mangled wagon, which probably got even more messed up than Chris. (And here, as in a few other spots, there are opportunities to inject humor into the mix.)

Meanwhile, Carrie steps forward as the suspense builds: What will she do, as the oldest and most logical person to take action? There are reasons why she chose to haul Chris via mangled wagon to Emergency without contacting you.

Describing things more fully would obviate the need to ask those eleven questions in the middle of the story. I understand you wanting to show readers how concerned and close to panic-stricken you probably were at the time- but descriptions serve your cause better than posed questions you will now have to try and answer/weave into the narrative.
(Sorry, but my mind is going all over the place with ideas about how this could be structured. This is your story, not mine- but this is what happens when I get immersed in someone else's tale.)

As I was saying, the story progresses, moving forward in time to the present, you now dealing with the admittance details, paperwork, your feelings about not only about how your kids are handling this event, but also how you feel about medical professionals who refused to admit your son and relieve the pain while seeing to his injuries. Maybe they are in the right, but I think I would have been more than a little pissed.

Well, I've shot my mouth off a bit, haven't I? But I see two versions of this event: the abridged version vs. the five or six-page-long story. Or just stick with what you've written.

Thanks again for sharing your experience!

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Review of The Upright Piano  
Review by daninidaho
Rated: E | (3.5)
That first line is a great way to capture the reader's interest. Some nice imagery and obscure facts ("railroad rooms"?).

My favorite part of this piece is the piano lesson experiences and how they allowed you to bring happiness to others.

But the way the piece ends is odd. After all those years in the family, the piano was traded for a guitar; hence, the following comments about "that wonderful piano" are jarring.

I'll probably be the hundredth person to say this, but it sure seems like you could expand a lot on the subject matter. Then again, maybe the ending is your way of saying that the piano fulfilled it purpose- that once that happened, it was time to move on.

Anyway, thanks for sharing these memories.
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