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Review of Machine Answering  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Blood,

This poem does convey the frustration and anguish of being an outcast. I like how "repetition" is used to create the rhythmic movement towards the expression of rage ("Damn the machine, Damn the apathy.")

The anti-climax (more of a "declaration") has authority in its tone.

I question the double-name in the title. I'd prefer only one title (Machine Answering) than what you currently list at the top of the Poem. (-Damn The Machine/Machine Answering-) I'm also a believer that the title is an important element in a Poem from a "mechanics" perspective. It offers the opportunity to catch the Reader, draw the Reader in, and hint at meaning.

I also was a bit surprised to notice a lack of imagery in this Poem, given your excellent use of this poetic device in "Deja Vu."

Not that imagery is required in a good Poem. And still, even without the imagery, this Poem was a good read. The opening stanza immediately establishes the cadence, leading to the climatic expression of rage, and then the anti-climatic declaration. Good job!

Keep writing even when you don't feel like it.

Dan Sturn
27
27
Review of My Love...  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like the notion of somebody with emerald colored eyes creating waterfalls.

I like the straight-forward authority in the declarations . . . such as "We are in a paradise that can't be forsaken" or "I am your earth that is revolving around you."

Excellent metaphors . . . . though you describe this as a "romantic poem" I feel strongly it could be a prayer to God or "the higher power." The praise/glory nature of this poem makes it very spiritual to me.

Even the "sensual" parts . . . . "our love's embrace keeps us strong" . . . . could be about meditating or praying (or saying the rosary if you're my Grandma.)

I really like this, and feel very good that I have read it. Thus the 5.0.

Dan Sturn
28
28
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I listen to Poetry, rarely write stories, and even more rarely review them, so I hope this review does not demean or somehow come off as naive.

This short story starts with excellent tactile and auditory "images." The Reader can even smell the scene.

I like the juxtaposition of the beach to the traffic leads us to the introduction of the woman. The hook has drawn me in.

I chuckled at "Hello, I choke out."

The mystery of "we've met." Well done.

I wonder, is "perhaps from another lifetime" a foreshadowing?

The things you (as author) do to this poor man remind me of what it was like the first time I met my wife. The story has me hooked.

Yet now I'm a bit lost: "hooking the stray rich chocolate tendrils behind her ear while batting her hand at me playfully." I find myself backing up a bit, wondering if I missed something. I search for chocolate with my browser, wondering if I somehow missed a description of her hair. Maybe I just need to read on.

The story of Silvia and Daphne's jealousy is well written, the dialog is very good, breaks up the story, shows us what's happening instead of telling us.

Love the way you reveal Daphne as a ghost. It comes off very smooth. Good job there.

I think that a month is too short a period of time between incident and the death penalty. Even in a society that is not like America, it seems that it would take longer than a month for trial and such. Just my own opinion.

What a sad story. I'm rating it a 4.5 but I rarely review short stories, so I'm not sure if this is high or low compared to other stories here on writing.com. But I really liked this. What attracted me to it was the title. This story is like a poem in that I know I want to return to it later and read it again.

Great job.

Dan Sturn
29
29
Review of Brett  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very good poem about friendship and youth. Love the phrase, "was the zenith of our lives." I also really like the language that continually drives home youthfulness.

Dan Sturn
30
30
Review of IN THE MIST  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very good poem with excellent imagery. Immediately we see the mist but you're already invoking our sense of hearing.

Great job Yellow Rose!

Dan Sturn
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31
Review of Look at Me  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very powerful poem.

It starts out with a cry, kind of a resentful exclamation to humans, pointing out that we are the sharks of the animal kingdom. Then it threatens humankind with a holocaust of a destroyed earth, if we do not change our ways. Then it ends with your computer-art-ish shark in a polluted water.

The shard metaphor is not lost on me, nor the irony that we are killing the shark yet we fear it as a killer. The poem closes with the anticlimatic notion that our shark-like behavior will end up killing us as well.

The flow is easy to read, and the images are powerful, thanks to words like "murky" and "shame" and "poison."

A very good read for the 21st Century humans.

Dan Sturn
32
32
Review of JOY  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, did you do this? I really like it. Like your other painting or drawing or computer art . . . . . whatever it is, and I suggest you tell us in the description . . . . you juxtapose the "goldness" with the darkness. You've selected a powerful title for it as well, adding meaning to the piece. It's like the beginning was the end. The goldness climbs out of the darkness. Given the poetry of yours I have read, and the meaning of "gold" to you, adds even more meaning.

Great job. I am very impressed with the craftsmanship and coolness of this art.

Dan Sturn
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33
Review of MY ROCK  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yellow Rose,

I enjoyed reading this tribute to The Lord. You do a great job of sending praise to God, while inspiring others to think of the serenity present in your religion. I really like the line, "The reason tomorrow is the color of gold," and the entire color-choice for your poem, as well as the picture or painting that you put below it, with the golden sun shining on the dark clouds. The flow is very good, each line is easy to read and feels good as you are reading it. "The illness of my father" is a good repeated anomaly in the rhythm. Another juxtaposition like this is when you switch to the question, "what have I done to deserve your love" but then switch back to the praising mode.

It's like a prayer.

Dan Sturn
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Review of Ocean of Tears  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Again, I'm impressed.

Interesting.

Very short, powerful words. Blood shed are two very powerful words.

Your metaphor really gets me thinking. In a few short words you've got me thinking about how the ocean could be tears (salt water), how there are so many tears shed in the world just today, over so many atrocities and terrible things that we humans do to each other.

Dan Sturn
35
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Review of Brick by Brick  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yellow,

You've reviewed so many of my poems I thought I should start looking through your portfolio and I'm liking what I see.

This inspirational poem builds on the metaphor of building your dreams one brick at a time, while at the same time uses the metaphor of taking down that wall that prevents us from pursuing our dreams. The entire brick metaphor is really interlaced in this poem, really cool how it's done.

I like the free verse rhythm and "flow" of the poem, meaning that it is easy to read aloud, and it's easy to know where to pause and such, though there is no punctuation. The "mortar" of form and meter are not necessary to build this poem.

The poem even takes on a bit of "concrete" nature in the way it "destroys itself" at the end, which again tickles me with your creative illustration of the meaning of the term: metaphor.

And, speaking of concrete, this is a concrete illustration of the meaning of what I call "Multivalence" .

As "the Reader" I am finding many different meanings in this work, and it seems that it was almost written for me. It inspires me to break that dream down into smaller, more manageable steps, as a way to break down the wall that is keeping me from pursuing my dream.

Extremely well done!

Dan Sturn
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36
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Mechanically speaking, I like the rhyme and the almost rhyme, the juxtaposition of short and long line, and the use of the word "the" in the line . . .

"It reaches for the warm,"

which makes warm a noun, instead of an adjective.

Metaphysically, the poem speaks to me on several levels. There is definite multivalence . . . ranging from the struggle of every artist to the act of trying to live life "right."

"My hands in the stones" . . . . the imagery here makes me feel like the art of writing on the page is sometimes extremely difficult. The image of "head in hands" evokes depression, struggle, fear, disgust . . . . the way one handles disappointment in the attempt to write on the page.

Writing on the page is not just an act of "creativity," it's the way we live our life.

Dan Sturn
37
37
Review of Imploring Silence  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Lenna,

Dan Sturn here with a rare review of a great work of art that exudes "Multivalence"  in multiple ways.

CRAFT (mechanics, Pruning):
This "short story" is almost prose poetry. It has all the elements of a short story (character, plot, setting, resolution, etc.) but it is also filled with imagery, flow, rhythm, and sensory appeal. It appeals to the senses of smell, sight, sound, and touch. The latter . . . . my skin was crawling when I got to the statements of the stepfather. It creates moving emotion in the Reader both on the first read (literal message) and subsequent readings (poetic messages).

I would love to "Prune this Message" into a poem.

The Writer uses a very interesting method of portraying "imagery in action" . . . using verb phrases such as: eradicate the voice; abolish the pungent memory; lingering touch; swiftly slithered; excruciatingly erected; terrified pleading; mercilessly clawing; silence the voices."

Still, there are many different images presented in the traditional "adjective" form: slick and slimy; ghastly words; howl of the owls; pungent memory; cigarettes and whisky (scent); rapid snakes; etc.

Meanwhile there is a lot of Poetic devices at play in this work: assonance (such as excruciatingly erected; consonance (such as mercilessly clawing; blissful bird);etc. Speaking of consonance, the hissing "s" sound is at work throughout the entire piece. For just one example: Scent of cigarettes and whiskly could not simply be washed away. Finally, the rhythm continues to be beat by a droning meter that repeats the beat of the title. Imploring Silence, They seemed incessant; demonic voices; the pungent memory; aware that merely; a few hours later; etc.

MESSAGE:
Poetry (and all art in a greater sense) is meant to convey a message from the Muse to the Reader. The literal message portrayed by this Story is that there are people out there in great pain from the terrible things that happened to them in the past. It exudes the pain that memories of abuse creates within a girl.

Beyond the literal meaning established above, the story invokes a "meta-message" . . . . much of the imagery of this poem evokes that "taking of innocence" . . . . especially the images written in verb format. The taking of innocence is an ugly thing. The use of snake and the hissing sound in story reminds this non-Christian Reader of the tragedy in the Garden of Eden, an archetype for the taking of innocence.

I saved this review using the wonderful new review tool provided by writing.com which is so important for those reviewing Poetry, which like music is meant to be understood over time and over a series of many different hearings.

When I returned to this a day later I also found the words "I won't hurt you" to be amazingly powerful. As the Reader I've heard yet another message in this story. There is a Message about trust in this story as well. That those who violate our trust usually begin the process of betrayal by pointing out that the action they are going to take against us will not hurt us. Very powerful message in this sense, going back to the Garden of Eden archetype.

Seeing that the average rating for this piece makes me question the literacy of those who have reviewed it before. Perhaps they were turned off by the subject matter, or something trite by the length. Or maybe they reviewed it as a commercial story rather than as a piece of art.

But I've discovered a story that exudes "Multivalence"  and I am glad I found this. I encourage you to turn it into a Poem. It would be a good learning experience for you, and if you do so please let me know so I can review it as such.

Dan Sturn
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Review of Plea to God  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Judy,

Dan Sturn here reviewing a piece of art that seems to teach as well as it inspires.

I'm choosing to do a formal review of this piece, because it turns out to be my favorite from what I've seen in your portfolio. Don't get me wrong, "A Miracle"  might be a better poem mechanically, and "The Hunger"  has a strong appeal to half of the human race, as well as fathers of daughters who live in the 21st Century. But I am reviewing this piece because it had the intended affect (if you believe in my theory of poetry.)


MECHANICAL:

Mechanically this piece has no grammatical errors (yawn).


MEANING:

My next comment is more as a means to learn than it is a suggestion for improvement or a statement of quality. I often wonder "what makes a poem poetry?" [see my sonnet: "Sonnet Zero"  if you want to know how much I struggle with this.]

I'm writing this next comment because this piece is a great example of how a poem can be missing all the "standard requirements" but still achieve the result: cause one to think, evoke an emotional reaction, place a smile or a frown or a tear upon the Reader's face. Or . . . . is the true aim of poetry simply to connect the Muse with the Reader? [see my essay: "Invalid Item"  if you want to know my strong beliefs in this area.

To me, if one was to apply strict "Standards of Poetry" to your piece, it is more prose than poetry. I believe this because though this elegant conversation with "God" evoked an emotional reaction in me, the Reader, it is missing poetic elements like imagery or repetition, consonance or assonance etc.

IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT A NEGATIVE. I write a lot of "poems" like this myself, and I do love this piece because it is so open, honest, innocent . . .

But perhaps your piece proves my position that what makes a Poem poetry is that it serves to connect the Muse with the Reader.

The Muse to the Reader.

The reason this brought an emotional reaction in me, the Reader, is because I needed to hear the words in this Poem. Yes, I just called "this piece" a Poem. Because "this piece" has motivated me to take some actions that I've known for several weeks I should take, but feared the result. And thus, darn it, it is a POEM.

DEEPER MEANING:

The literal meaning of this Poem is in itself wonderful. But "Multivalence"  is at work here. The Poem connects the Muse to this particular Reader . . . a Reader who takes Reading so seriously you might think him nuts . . . in the following way:

I am a father of two children who have taught me the meaning of: "Become like a child and you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven." Yet as a father of a teenage girl this Poem really reaches out and grabs my heart. There are many different meanings in this poem. It appeals across many boundaries. A great example of this is in the first line of the poem:

"I do not know if you are male or female"

This in itself says "this Poem is for all religions, all races, both sexes, all sentient beings."

But take the next line. [I know you didn't plan this. Your Muse did.]

"Children misbehave."

Wow.

In the context of this Poem, this statement has the following meanings that I can count so far:

1) I am a sinner.
2) Forgive those who sin against you, they are children of God.
3) Don't be so hard on yourself, everybody makes mistakes.
4) Just because your daughter makes a mistake, it doesn't mean you are a bad father.
5) You can forgive your child, for all children misbehave.

And that is simply one line of the poem.

The end of this poem is so amazingly meaningful that I have to admit it brought tears to me. There are three stanzas: The first describes the Poet as a human being. The second describes Humans as Human Beings. And the final asks for forgiveness.

Forgiveness. The most important part of the connection between Muse and Poet and Reader. The part that is so hard but once it is achieve it is so amazingly beautiful.

Your poem is a plea for forgiveness. I'm sure you wrote it in a fit of emotion, which means that you were connected to the Muse while you were writing.

It's very synchronistic (ie: serendipitous) that I've recently learned one of the things that happens when writing in your journal is that the act of journaling eventually leads to the same action: the Poet forgives him(her)self for whatever .... and after tears leave a stain on the page of the journal, Poetry flows.

Which brings me back to the title. "Plea to God."

According to dictionary.com . . . a "plea" is simply an appeal. The act of asking.

But if you follow the path that I follow, and just start pouring thoughts and feelings and beliefs and fears and whatever into your journal . . .

"Ask, and you shall receive" is the act of Journaling.

Ask, Poet, and you shall receive. Ask, Reader, and you shall receive. Ask, Judy. And you shall receive.

It's not a Christian concept. It's a Human concept. It's a fact of writing in a Journal. For I can tell that you wrote this poem in a fit of spiritual anxiety. I can tell that this poem was written when you felt "connected" in a strange way.

Ask, and you shall receive. It's a concept that makes us Poets.

Dan Sturn
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Review of A Miracle  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Judy,

This is the most "poetic" poem of your journal, though as you shall see in my formal review of "Plea to God"  it is not my favorite. I really think it's great, but for reasons you shall read I'm not going to formally review it.

Your choice of green ink is interesting and reflects that poetry on the internet is more than an auditory art . . . it is visual now. Meanwhile, it adds to the meaning of the poem. I like it!

I would take out the last line. It's not part of the poem. You don't need to tell us what is obvious. It repeats the title.

Dan Sturn
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Review of The Hunger  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (4.0)
Judy,

This poem is pretty good just from the perspective of the subject matter. I have two teenage daughters, one of which I e-mailed this poem. (the other would suspect I think she's looking "fat" today, though she needs to put on weight . . . if you know what I mean.)

(Wow, I just realized my older daughter is not a teenager any more.)

The questions evoked chuckles in me.

Your use of smiley faces in the poem, once again, demonstrates how the internet is changing poetry, making it more visual than it has been in the past.

There is a grammatical error: "All these do are make me larger" . . . need to change that to a "singular verb."

The poem has a happy ending . . .

Dan Sturn
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Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi C.E. it's Dan Sturn here with a rare review. I wish I could review more often and if I did, I'd be in your portfolio all the time!

Irreconcilable Indifferences is not just a play on words, it's a play on poetry. It is a list of words that reflect the feelings of loss and fear that go with a broken-up relationship.

There are many word-games going on here, which is interesting because I understand that divorce is full of games. Examples include the title, the first line, the use of "maybe" when it could also have been "may be." Who's fault / no fault.

Beyond mechanics and into the meaning, this poem exudes multivalence if I ever saw it. I can tell it was written from the heart, probably when you were in a fit of anger or depression or even acceptance. There is no punctuation in the poem, which could reflect the way a divorce is supposed to end a relationship but it doesn't really end it. It exudes loneliness and sadness.

Great job. I'm sure divorced people everywhere can relate!

Dan Sturn
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42
Review of Kristilove  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Really good poem. I think the phrase, "Surely the meters is off" has a verb tense problem, though I'm not very good at verb tense so I might be wrong about that.

I also think you could fix the oblique rhyme in the last stanza . . . . if you want . . . . by changing "I hope you know--" to "everyone knows--"

But the rhyming, flow, and upbeat praise in this poem is very uplifting to me. It would make an excellent love poem to just anybody. That's what makes it so good . . . . it is universal.

And I love the humor in "my rating will blow." That made me laugh!

Great job Omniblueyes!

Dan Sturn
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Review of Poetic Flow  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very good poem about writing poetry. I like the ebb and flow of the rhymes and "partial rhymes" . . . otherwise known as "oblique rhyme" or "off rhyme."

Examples of this from your poem include: pen/within; way/great; inquire/desires.

Juxtaposed against this are "perfect rhymes," all one syllable.

I think that's an interesting feature of a poem about how poetry and rhymes flow to a special rhythm.

Beyond the literal meaning and from a multivalence perspective, I think this poem calls to mind the way nature is a design within a design within a design. The poem itself is about poetry, has rhymes within rhymes, oblique rhyme followed by perfect rhyme.

The rhythm is smooth in parts and choppy . . . . in a good way . . . in others. An example of this is the first line of the second stanza: The stanzas contain feelings from heart. This could have been written as "from the heart" which would have kept the rhythm of the first, third, fourth line of the stanza preceding it. But instead it changes rhythm just a bit, and that is juxtaposed against the fact that it is the first line of the first perfect rhyme in the poem.

I'm not saying this is done on purpose . . . but if it is, more power to you. But a nautilus doesn't grow on purpose . . . it just materializes, and there it is . . . a design within a design within a design.

Kings: what I'm saying is, you've written a nice organic poem. I really like it.

Dan Sturn
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Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi MC it's Dan Sturn here reviewing "THE IMAGE OF WOMAN: a sonnet" , about the many aspects of womanhood!

MECHANICS

The Poet establishes a very aggressive challenge for this poem. Not only are you taking on a very difficult subject (womanhood) but you do it with a VERY difficult constraint.

Sonnets . . . . . the ultimate in form and meter . . . . . are like songs in that they must fit a particular rhythm . . . . usually some sort of iambic meter . . . . and then, if that isn't hard enough, they have to comply with a rhyme scheme. I think this is a "Shakespearean Sonnet" because of the rhyme scheme used (ABAB CDCD EFEF GG). However, I could be wrong.

The first line of the couplet seems to be missing the word "the" or "their" right before "motherly." It seems the iambic beat would flow better if it was changed from:

If women downplay motherly image,

to

If women downplay their motherly image,

but I could be wrong.

The rhyming is very good. Worlds like soft and oft, melt and felt, this and wish are very original rhymes. Very well written sonnet!

I really like the title. It has a rhythm to it, and definitely piques the Reader's interest. I was attracted to this because of the title.

HOW THE MECHANICS PUTS FORTH THE MESSAGE:

The poem is a series of questions, which I think is a great way of establishing opinions or the possibility of proposed beliefs.

What makes a woman distinct from a man?

is one of the most profound questions we could ask ourselves. And the Poet proposes typical responses to this question, the cliche' of beauty, touch, sweetness, softness, love.

But then the Poet puts forth the fact that a woman has the privilege of being a "mother." The fact that a woman can carry a baby, nurture a child, be a mother is truly what distinguishes her from a man.

And then the poem's couplet, that last two lines of the sonnet that stand on their own, throws a huge curve at the Reader, asking:

"If women downplay motherly image,
who else can then their own image salvage?"

MESSAGE:
As a believer in "Multivalence"  I am seeing at least two meanings in this poem. First the literal: What makes a woman different than man is the ability to give birth, and women should not take this lightly, they should recognize this is distinction that should be protected and respected. It's almost like an Ode to Mothers, well-written at that.

In the more sublime, I'm also feeling the Muse speak out about the notion that Creation is a force that must be respected. Creativity comes from the "female side" of humanity, the "right brain" so to speak. And way to often we humans downplay the image of creativity . . . . instead of respecting it, we at best tolerate it, and usually grow impatient with it.

Great Job Khalish!

Dan Sturn
45
45
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, I am going to bookmark this folder. I am very interested in the quality of poetry that makes it "good" in any language. My philosophy of "Multivalence"  proposes that the "message" of a poem . . . . the meaning that the Reader receives from the Muse . . . . will not be lost in translation, that the "pruning" of a poem is all that can be affected.

This is why I love reading Rumi and it is also why I am suspicious of some parts of the Gospel.

I will be reviewing these poems as I get to them, but please know that I am going to start with your original works.

Very cool.

Dan Sturn
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46
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cleveland,

I really wish I had more time to give this excellent poem the review it deserves. I will say that the amazing imagery of this poem is enhanced when reading it aloud. Phrases such as "Voice of Thunder" and "tongue tasting drops of Heaven's grandeur" give me goosebumps.

This poem exudes multivalence in my opinion. This poem, about the "end of fall," exudes imagery of death, but proposes that there really is no such thing as death, that life is a cycle, and then moves into a (on the literal side) Christian view that life exists after death. In such a beautiful way.

Beyond the literal Christian meaning, I am awed by the deeper proposition that life is a cycle, it goes on, the end of fall is the beginning of winter, the end of life is the beginning of legacy.

The "end" is such a fearful concept to us human beings, because we're smart enough to trick ourselves into believing there is such a thing as an end. This poem taps into that fear, and then grants us hope and joy as it recognizes that there are patterns of life well beyond our comprehension.

Just excellent!

Dan Sturn

PS: I'm glad that karenmcrump turned me onto this poem, with her own personal award entry: ("Invalid Item" ).
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47
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Okay, here we go again. This time the "hammer" you choose to bang your Muse's message with is the Quatern:

A Quatern is a sixteen line French form composed of four quatrains. It is similar to the Kyrielle and the Retourne. It has a refrain that is in a different place in each quatrain. The first line of stanza one is the second line of stanza two, third line of stanza three, and fourth line of stanza four. A Quatern has eight syllables per line. It does not have to be iambic or follow a set rhyme scheme.

Now this is interesting, as it is very similar to the Lilibonelle, not as much in the "rules" that you are conforming to, but more in the way it affect's the message from the Muse. It's almost as if "Form People" are like architects . . . . artists who have constraints created by the materials with which they work. Not that we aren't all constrained by materials . . . . even "Free Versers" must write within the confines of the language they choose to speak.

But the rule of the Quatern goes beyond the establishment of rhythm and rhyme. It requires repetition, and a variety in the way the repetition is used. I like it much better than the Lilibonelle because the rules require a much more integrated design.

So your Quatern teaches me that concrete can be made in the form of slabs, bricks, blocks, and puddles. The Poet as the architect must still assemble them in a manner that builds a building.

Again, my biggest complaint about form is that here I am into the sixth paragraph of my review, and I have not even MENTIONED anything about the actual poem, about the actual message from your Muse. It's like the Architecture Review is more focused on the materials used in the building than the actual function and/or design of the building.

So let's take a look at your poem . . . "In Shadows Strolling, Here am I " .

The title calls to me . . . . "Here a poem, the mirror, the Poet, the image." On the first read I immediately am surprised that the title is the refrain, especially given this Poet's use of titles in previous poems I have read. And on the first read, I also see how the refrain comes back and I wonder, is this used to it's best ability?

I'm not sure.

Second read: The tone is mysterious. The repetition is leveraged to cause a new patter, where the refrain takes turn being the first and second phrase of a sentence. I like that.

I love the first verse. The third and fourth lines are so visual, so packed with several senses. I feel the radiant beams, I see the shadows on the leaves. I hear the crunch of the leaves (strolling), I smell the naked earth.

This is not the first poem by Karen M. Crump that involves all the senses. But what I like about this one, where I expect a dark poem about shadows and the dark side, possibly a treatise about sin (knowing the Poet's background), I am surprised to find a poem that illuminates the need for light in order to create shadow.

Clouds of cotton . . . . yet another amazingly quotable line. I love it. I love it. Is this original? Talk about an EXCELLENT visual that also has tactile appeal!

I have to say, I just do not like the way it ends. If not for the form, I'd just take the last refrain out. It seems to just hang there. There needs to be a better way to integrate it into the design. The entire poem is so well done, this needs to be addressed.

Meanwhile, I am getting so used to such excellent rhythm and such great original rhyming that I almost forget to mention it during the mechanical part of my review. But it just tickles me to hear rhyming with words like extol, soul, mirth, earth.

To me the entire act of rhyming is an auditory part of Poetry. If not for the fact that even when reading silently, we hear what we are reading in our "mind's ear" . . . . rhymes would have no purpose.

Enough with the mechanics . . . . now let's pay attention to the Muse! On the literal level, the poem can be read as a song of praise to God, to the Pattern that Connects all of us! Especially in the first three lines of the final verse, the poem definitely glorifies "the light of God."

But going further into a second, more hidden meaning. The birth of spring can now be seen, is juxtaposed with the refrain. Interesting, until this point I'm thinking that the setting is Autumn. But then I realize that the birth of spring really starts in the autumn, seeds nestling beneath leaves, finding their way to the ground. God's help is always there, the forces that create spring are working all winter long.

And this brings me to the the more subliminal message that I'm receiving from your Muse in this particular poem. ". . . sun rays dance as though with mirth. What an excellent thought. The rays shine down on me. Art provides an opportunity for the Muse to shine the light of truth on our lives. Shadows do not exist without sun, and chiaroscuro (light and dark patterns) define our reality.

This is reinforced by all the allusions to the other senses (hearing, touch, smell.) Even without sight, we can feel the light of truth . . . . and we can hear the spring.

Love it!

Dan Sturn
48
48
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Karen,

Here I am again, with the privilege and honor of reviewing your Poetry.

This poem, and the poem entitled "Invalid Item" , should be read by anybody who wants to understand what Poetry is for. The resurgence of Poetry is NOT as a form of entertainment, but as a way to help others connect with their higher power. Your entire work comes as close to demonstrating this as any other body of work that I have found.

Now . . . . . I really hope you don't feel cheated that I keep skipping over the excellent mechanics that you use in your poem. Try searching the reviewing page for my other reviews and you'll see that I do take this seriously. But your poems are all well written from a mechanical perspective and I'd much rather spend my time discussing the valence issues in the poem.

The literal meaning of this poem is very clear . . . . that religion has the potential of removing the true meaning of God's message. I so strongly concur with this sentiment, and find this to be true in all religions. For example, translating the Koran from Arabic to any other language is forbidden in order to preserve the true meaning. However, most people will agree there are still sects in Islam that have lost the original message of the Prophet.

I applaud that a person with such strong faith as yours can see this. But more importantly to the purpose of writing.com . . . that you can put this in such a beautiful poem . . . . it exudes the strong connection between you and your muse, as I already said in my private review of your excellent poem, "Invalid Item" .

I really hope you can find the time to read my very short poem, "Orthodoxy" , which attempts to illustrate the literal concept that "Freedom from Religion"  so wonderfully establishes.

And then, there is a deeper message from The Author as you put it. Because to me, something I'm getting from this poem relates to my rebellion against form and meter in Poetry, which is merely a battle in a war against "over-thinking" the art. As you have declared in other poems, particularly "Invalid Item" , true art occurs when the mind and the heart meld. Or in your case when the heart meets your hands!

To me, a deeper meaning in this poem is that "religion" occurs when we try to establish rules upon the message that is sent to us by our Muse. Jesus did not want us to follow all the rules that I find when I enter a church. Jesus did not genuflect, nor did he dip his hand in holy water. He did not make the sign of the cross nor did he concern himself with any of the rules and regulations we find in religion. He asked us to love. He reduced all the commandments to love.

Likewise, some of my favorite poems follow no form or rhythm or meter. Free verse has freed the Poet to truly listen to his Muse, without having to overlay a set of rules and regulations with which the Muse has no desire to conform.

And then this circles back to religion. Perhaps the prophets merely listened to their Muse, or again "The Author" as you put it. The message given to them by God has many meanings to different people. To try to codify this message, and force people into a particular meaning, is in my opinion one of the biggest failings of religion.

Anyway, excellent poem!

Dan Sturn
49
49
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Armadillo, this is an interesting political poem. There are some really interesting rhymes in here (lost, cost, tossed) as well as some "typical" rhymes (fears, tears). Interesting word usage, kind of in a Bushism sort-of-way (Warporate, NeoRadical, RepubliCons).

The poem is rich with the poetic principle of allusion. Allusions to Exxon, BP, and Shell are obvious, but the poem goes beyond that using much more subtle allusions such as "C-notes, no bids please, toxic dust, and Newspeak."

I really like the line:

Sad sight, so many flags draped over coffins never seen.

You know, that is one very strong observation. In all the past wars, we have seen coffins coming home. I don't recall seeing that one time in this long long war. I guess it's just one more example of where we are not asking the American People to sacrifice.

You also use some concrete poetic principles in this poem. A great example of this is how you strike out the word, Justice., or how you use the dollar sign in place of the letter 's'.

Very well done, your flag at the bottom is amazing!

Dan Sturn
50
50
Review of Poetry Forms  
Review by Dan Sturn
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Hello KansasPoet and of course, Bianca:

Dan Sturn here reviewing the EXCELLENT folder entitled, "Poetry Forms" . This is a great resource for anybody who wants to learn more about Poetry and in particular, poetry forms. It is a bookmark I visit on a regular basis and I really appreciate its existence.

I love this collection of form explanations. I go into it for inspiration as well as research while reviewing.

I see 165 people have already come across it with enough interest to give you a 5.0 rating. I wonder how many of them, like me, wish there was a way to easily organize it in alphabetical order? Often I go looking for a particular form and if there is a way to quickly find it I have not discovered that yet. I've tried to search the educational genre as well as all genre's for forms that I know are in here, but to no avail.

Anyway, I didn't mean to complain. I really like this. It is so helpful. Great job. If you want to start a project of organizing it please let me know, I'd be happy to participate.

Great job!

Dan Sturn
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