| Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
I liked that characters you used. I liked in the end the way that Mr. Grey talked. Its hard to type up the accent.
What I thought was original about this piece.
I thought the ending was very orginal. I hadnt seen that coming at all. I was pleasantly suprised.
This story moves a little to fast. The overall development of this story could use a little work.
I noticed there were hardly any well rounded descriptions in this story. In order for the reader to see what the author is trying to protray, there needs to be some degree of description.
What I liked about this piece.
I liked the ending! Great job!
What I think needs a little more work.
Ok, well this story moves a little quickly. The type of story this is makes it better if you lengthen it some and make the characters a bit more well rounded. Also I noticed in the dialoge that it wasn't very balievable. Re-read the dialoge in this story and ask yourself if these are things people in the real world would actually say. Also using Eeeeek when Emma screamed is not needed. This story is meant for an older age group, only childrens book usually need the eek and the shhh of the shower. YOu could describe the sounds, but making the sounds in dialoge form makes it sound like a childrens story. And I would like to see a lot more description in this peice, with the character, the setting, and the werewolf.
This story has a good concept and an awsome ending. You should really see what you can do about tweaking it and editing it, to make this story really shine. This story has a great deal of potential! Being a good writer is all about writing, editing, and re-writing. Remember the suggestions I have made, are just that only suggesntions and apply it to your work is strictly up to you. Good luck, and keep writing!