Monty, you did a marvelous job with this poem. Most people take the easy road in their poetry, so it's nice to see someone challenging themselves by taking the road less traveled. Writing in a very poetic, archaic, difficult and pleasant style is something I love to try to do (usually in a not-so- good Poe or Dickens style). I have yet to read any Browning poetry, but I do like your work in this one very much. A very commendable write, agreeably distant from the usual everyday poetry. Great write!
Moon my man, I can give you no less than a perfect score on this well conceived, constructed, rhymed and written work. I can see no room for improvement. The only thing wrong with it is that I didn't write it! It's gonna be a winner, no doubt.
They say "write what you know about." Well Zoe, I hope this painfully poignant poem is just a construct of an imaginative mind rather than a very poetic rendering of personal experience. A well written poem that if not true, is at least very realistic and carries it's imagery very well. Good job!
Walter, I really liked this and you had me in the palm of your hand until the last verse, when the poem seemed to take a sudden left turn. The poem is smooth and articulate, especially rich in descriptive imagery in giving the alien beings such a frightening aspect. I just don't understand the contrary images of humans as: worthless flies, and why are they "Our Lord''s most precious gem?" Sounds as if the human race just gave up! Again, the poem is virtually flawless in it's conception, flow, color and rhyme. (especially the flow and rhyme!) You're very good in all the essentials of good poetry and this poem is great just as it is! The comment I made is just my opinion and nothing more. Pay it no mind and you still have an outstanding write. (but were it me, I'd still rethink that last verse) I rate this as a very good 4 1/2 and would change that to a 5 in a heartbeat were that last verse tweaked a tad.
Inkwell, I liked this so much that it disappointed me by not being much longer. It's the kind of poem that kinda leaves one hanging. It's three verses seemed to need at least three more verses. Not too many poems leave you wishing for more, so I think you might consider giving the proper finish that the fine beginning deserves.
Wow, a really great write! Kind of archaic in it's style. Quite a good piece of work! Very inpressive. It show a lot of respect and love of the written word.
Dear M.c, At first I thought that the rhythm in this one was a bit off, but found after several more read throughs that the fault was in my reading of it and not anything in the poem.After trying very hard to find something to nit-pick I gave up and decided this write was without fault of any kind. Not having the mind-set to count (or care to count) syllables, but respecting those who can and do write with those things in mind, I usually judge a poem by if and how it flowed: nicely, made sense, made the reader smile or frown, and made the reader feel as if he hadn't wasted his time. This met all those criteria very well. Overall a good write!
April Bday, I loved the olde English, archaic form of this poem. I started to do something similar to this with some of my own poetry, after reading a lot of Dicken's works. You did a beautiful and artful job with this one. One word though that threw me (and I'm sure it's gonna' throw a lot of readers is the word "gast". I'm guessing that's the archaic way of saying "aghast." My hat's off to you for writing (and writing well) in a form that most writers simply could not write at all.
Prosperous, I only wish I could write free verse with such skill and feeling. You gave oft-used subject matter a nice tender touch. I especially liked the last two lines.
Nicely penned Oldwarrior, I wouldn't change a thing in this fine write. The only complaint I have is that you're in the same contest as I am! Your poem is not only longer, but is better too. Rhyme is my favorite genre and you do it very well.
A good write Iluv horses. As a rule I don't like most poetry that follows strict rules or certain methodology, but you certainly pulled me in with this one! I've written almost 800 poems (and one or two are kinda good) and the only ones that followed a certain pattern are some haikus and senyrus. I admire people like yourself who can apply themselves to trying different things. You've given me the impetus to perhaps try an acrostic myself. I doubt that i'll ever be able to do it as well as you.(you can't teach an ol' dog new tricks), but I'm gonna give it a heck of a try. What's to lose, right? Again, nice job. You write good!
Only one word for this countrymom: Excellent! I loved your rhyme within lines, which is not an easy thing to do and you made it seem effortless. My hat's off to you; a fine write.
Harry, I liked everything about this poem except one thing and that might just be me and no fault in your write. The first verse was like a typical rhyming poem but then I had a hard time finding the rhythm in all the following verses since the sentences seemed to run into other sentences breaking the rhythm. Were it me I would simply make this a rhyming free-verse poem by eliminating the spaces between verses. I still thought it a very good poem and it might just be my problem in reading it, so don't take my words too seriously as I'm giving it a 4 rating and would have rated it higher had I been able to locate it's rhythm. Good concept, good rhyming, well written. A notch above most others.
Very well done Dr. Everything good, and when you add in the rhyme within lines, that has to be twice as hard to do. You're a bright light in the darkness. Thanks for giving me something to read and comment on. Write on.
The title is what got my attention! I think if the title is not eye-grabbing then the reads will not be forthcoming, and this title almost made me like the poem before even reading it. I always love nature poems and Winter is one of my favorite seasons. A poem has to make me feel good for having read it and I could care less about syllable counts, Though I recognize that they are important to most other writers. This on had all the components that I look for in a poem. I especially liked the usage of repetition in the second line of each verse. Had this used more description It would have easily earned a 5 star rating. A very good write.
I especially liked this because It's a dark departure from the usual run of Halloween poems. Besides being well written, it dared to step outside of the ordinary. (And it's kinda creepy, which is a good thing in this case)
I loved this poem too Christina! I would like it even better still if you could manage to change "furious discontinuances." Such a rhythmic poem as this deserves a better word than 'discontinuances', which is the only place that this poem even remotely sounds forced. (and that could be to my ear alone!). I would have rated this a perfect 5 if my tongue had not tripped over this single word. Still it's an outstanding poem!
a well written bit of free verse (free verse being something I'm not good at), which, if not actually so would lead one to think that the writer has experienced the thoughts expressed in this write. An interesting take on a moment in life. Nothing to quibble about in this poem. All good!
Firstly I must say that I like this poem very much, and all the more so because of your ability to make it follow that strict format. Something that I've never been able to do in any of my poetry and which is probably something that Is a serious shortcoming in my writing. I like also that the poem is written as a question. It's written well and has good rhythm (hard to do given that format). It needs no changes and is fine just as it written. My preference in the third verse would be to not use "object" and "Abject" as rhyme choices since to me they sound mildly forced. My choice would have been "object' and perhaps "suspect" since there would be the added alliteration "Empty space are suspect", but that's just a personal thing and is probably of no real relevance. The poem is fine just as it is!
Jaiam, this is one of the best romantic, free verse poems written by a man that I think I've ever read so far. This genre, to me, seems(or until now seemed) to be the province of mostly the female gender, but you've definitely make a great incursion into that female stronghold. I've tried it a few times with little success. Congrats on helping show that we men can write romantic free verse as well as the girls. At least you can! (I'm still workin' on it) I wish I could rate this, but the rating part on this page is not available and I cannot give you the 5 that you deserve.
Nice Nature write LaPia. I'm a sucker for a good Nature poem and they're my favorite type to try to write. I especially like the line: A sprinkle of rain fell undisturbed, on Earth's tympanic mirror. Nice word choices throughout.
Sarah, the first line gave me pause for a few minutes. "brightest blossom limbs" just didn't make sense to me at first, Then I figured you were just poetically saying "the limbs with the brightest blossoms." Once I got over my mental block I realized it made perfect sense and I was just too dense to parse it correctly (my bad!) Now that my head has cleared I realize it's an excellent haiku.
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