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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/deadzone
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12,902 Public Reviews Given
Favorite Genres
Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance
Favorite Item Types
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I will not review...
Romance or pieces longer than 3,000 words!
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Brief Moments  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Hi there, Maycee P!
For one of your first pieces on here, I thought it was interesting. I like how you pass through this area (or town) and see the different sights on your voyage to the unknown.
From what I gather, you’re using this trip on that road as an analogy of traveling through life: of what you’ve seen so far and what you have yet to see. And I’m guessing that a ‘frozen’ image, as you mentioned the gas prices never changing. If only it could be that way! *Bigsmile*
I also enjoyed how you used the man wearing the bicycle helmet and waving the sign, the storefronts, and the unknown drivers in the familiar cars as examples.
It’s kind of a nostalgic piece, and it made me think of some of my own memories, and hopefully some the memories I’ll create in the future.
Flawless spelling and grammar (thank you!), the sentence structure was great, and that ending was the perfect way to tie it all together.
Well done, Maycee!
Kee ponw ritin gon, have a great day, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you’re going to love it here!
PS- I noticed you don’t have any Merit Badges yet. Click on My Account (on the left hand side) > Achievements, and then go back and check your email. You should have a few surprises waiting for you there! *Bigsmile* You only need to do this when you’ve reached certain ‘achievements’ or ‘milestones’.
PPS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPPS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.


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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama hugs for Joy

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2
2
Review of Fate Tempted  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, Drake!
This is good for a flash fiction piece. You did a nice job of showing the Warlord's angry disposition, as well as how Killian tried to settle him down with the comment about the princess in the mirror possibly being his fate.
Apparently though, the Warlord had other ideas.
Fate or chaos? Me thinks I'd probably take my chances with fate. *Bigsmile*
Good spelling and grammar, but I did spot a couple of niggles (sorry to be so picky):
'that said(,) he smashed the mirror...' (That)
'then he walked out of the room' (Then)
Otherwise, well done!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Drake! Thanks for sharing this, have a great evening, and good luck in the contest!


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3
3
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Jace!
I'm no expert on poetry, mainly because I don't understand it most of the time, but I do enjoy free-verse (because I usually CAN understand them!), and I thought this was pretty good.
I like the descriptions you used; the one about the parents sighing as their kids dragged them from rides to games particularly stood out to me, and it brought back a lot fond memories of my own visits.
I also like how you ended it: it's one of the more pleasurable moments we get to enjoy through this journey called life!
And it does indeed beckon all of us! *Bigsmile*
Well done, my friend! And very deserving of that ribbon!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Jace! Thanks for sharing this (and the memories), and have a wonderful evening/tomorrow/year!


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4
4
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Hello there, Mia.
This is a sad piece, but I'm so happy you said it's not real. I've read a lot of Newbies on here who've written this same kind of thing, only to never hear from them again! Scares me to death!
Unfortunately, this kind of thing really happens where young kids don't think anybody is listening or caring about them. I was one of those kids a long time, ago, but I wish they knew people DO care and they WILL listen!
Even though you said this isn't real, if you ever feel like this, please email somebody on here! There's ALWAYS someone here that will give a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-I noticed you don’t have any Merit Badges yet. Click on My Account (on the left hand side) > Achievements, and then go back and check your email. You should have a few surprises waiting for you there! *Bigsmile* You only need to do this when you’ve reached certain ‘achievements’ or ‘milestones’.
PPS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPPS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.


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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama hugs for Joy

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5
5
Review of The Storm  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Greetings, Carly, and happy early7th 'birthday' on here!
For a short story, I thought you did a good job with this. I like the descriptions you used to show not just your fear, but also the beast with its 'putrid stench of death'. *Smirk2*
Writing it in the first person was a good choice, and the sentence structure was well done. And you certainly got those prompt words out of the way quickly! *Bigsmile*
Comments and suggestions (sorry to be so picky):
'Stillness fal(l)s before the tumultuous dance...'
'...barely able to make see my steps'
'lightening' should be 'lightning'
'scrapping' should be 'scraping'
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thanks for sharing this, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!


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#1300305 by Maryann

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6
6
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Howdy, Randy!
This isn't bad. It's a nice little story with a happy ending, and it even has sort of a moral to it.
You did a good job with the dialogue, the spelling and grammar was good, and I like how you used the prompt phrase, but I did spot a couple of tiny niggles (sorry to be so picky):
'Meghan complained(,) pointing to Evie'
“And do you know what a trollop is?” The giantess asked...' (the)
A couple of other suggestions: I know you've been on here for awhile, but when writing short stories like this, I don't think you need to indent each paragraph; most people simply double space each one.
And you might want to put it in a larger font, at least 3.5 (which is what this is), to make it easier to read.
Otherwise, well done.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Randy! Have a great day/evening, and good luck in the contest!


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7
7
Review of The Night  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, JesterDev!
This is pretty good. I like dark stories (I write horror), and you did a nice job with descriptions of the ‘un-rested’ rising from their tombs’. I also like the haunting flavor of it, but what stood out to me was how you changed from 3rd person voice to 1st person voice as you discover that YOU are now one of the ones who have been (or are soon to be) dancing with the dead!
Very well done, my friend! That surprise ending was perfect, and having this unnamed female and her hounds leading them all was a nice touch!
The spelling and grammar was great, but I did spot one tiny niggle:
‘...and every night no soul knows(,) nor dare they ask’
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! ‘Twas a pleasure to read, and I hope to see you back here soon!


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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama hugs for Joy

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8
8
Review of Mr. Starr  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Hello there, Angelo, and happy belated 10th 'birthday' on here!
Ha! I like this! I've seen enough court trials to know exactly what you mean by lawyers playing games with people on the stand, so to have you put it back in his face like that was great! It's no wonder Mr. Starr sat down! *Laugh* I'm just glad he didn't question you about whether the moon was in its apogee or perigee (the distance the moon is from the earth depending on the time of year-but 240K miles is the average!)
You did a great job with the dialogue, and writing it in the first person was a good choice. And having the lawyer named after a well known prosecuting attorney (or was he the actual Mr. Starr? *Laugh*) was also cool!
A couple of tiny niggles (sorry to be so picky):
We’re you the first officer to arrive...' (should be 'were'-we're is a contraction of we and are)
“Seven months(,) Mr. Starr.”
Well done, my friend!
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for sharing this, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!


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#1300305 by Maryann

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9
9
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Bon jour, krichmond86!
I know this just one little story from your past, but it’s also a good, albeit brief glimpse into your childhood and where you grew up.
We all have stories from our past that stick with us through our lives, and not just the extraordinary ones, but even little mundane ones that we should have forgotten completely.
From what I gather, you grew up in a semi-rough neighborhood, but at least your folks were smart enough to tell you how to how to handle yourself in that kind of environment. I was born and lived in Anchorage, Alaska (a good-sized city, even in back then) for 11 years, so I know what that’s like. But after that we moved to Northern California (the REAL northern California up by the Oregon border, not San Fran or Sacramento!) and settled in a small town of 3,000 people. Weed, CA, to be exact, in Siskiyou County, where cows outnumber people 10 to 1. It was a good thing, too, because if I’d stayed in Anchorage, I probably would have been dead by the time I was 20 because of the all the gangs and crime up there!
Sorry, I digress.
You didn't say how old you were when this older brother fell out of the truck, but I guess it was either that, or how he changed afterward, or a combination of the two that made you remember this. Maybe something 'clicked' in him and he felt he should treat people better?
Regardless, nice job.
On a side note, I read your bio, and I think it's great that you want to share these memories with other people! Not only are sharing them, but they'll be good nostalgic reminder (in written form) for you in later years!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Krichmond! Thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful week!
PS-I have a memory of trying to jump my bicycle over a ditch and crashing really bad in front of my friends. They all came running up to me and could see I was pretty beat up. I was crying and they asked me if I was OK. Suddenly I just turned off the waterworks and said in a straight face, "Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Why do you ask?" They were puzzled for a moment and the we all started cracking up. I don't know why, but that memory has always stuck in my mind!
Weird, huh?


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#1300305 by Maryann

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10
10
for entry "Picking Straws
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Ahoy, Hullabaloo!
Cool! This is pretty good, and I like how used that prompt. Having grandma’s relatives be the ones to deliver her tea and toast was natural, and the setting with them downstairs and pulling straws to see which whose turn it was great.
I also like how you built up the suspense to the surprise ending, and that first crash upstairs was a good (and subtle) precursor to what we could expect.
Great job tying it all together with that ending, too!
It’s pretty sad when you can’t even rely on a Church to send a decent exorcist! *Laugh*
Comments and suggestions:
“Quit bickering and pick(,) will you!”
‘His head had been twisted right round so he was, or rather would have been, facing backwards.’ (sweet!) *Smirk2*
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thank for sharing this, and may your days be long and your nights be pleasant!


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#1300305 by Maryann

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11
11
Review of Lightning Bugs  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Greetings, Nightstory6!
As a lover, reader, writer, and judge of horror ("SCREAMS!!!), I thought this was pretty good for one on of your first pieces on here. I don't see too many stories written in the 2nd person, so that in itself was kind of original.
For as short as it is, you did a nice job with the descriptions, as well as the setting in what I presume be a sub-basement of sorts with upper windows that show the lightning bugs. And then having this mysterious dark figure stare at him/her/us was cool.
The ending was ambiguous since we don't know how this ends, but I think it's something you could expand on! It's a helluva hook, anyway!
The spelling and grammar was flawless (thank you!), and the whole piece read smoothly.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Nightstory, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS- I noticed you don’t have any Merit Badges yet. Click on My Account (on the left hand side) > Achievements, and then go back and check your email. You should have a few surprises waiting for you there! *Bigsmile* You only need to do this when you’ve reached certain ‘achievements’ or ‘milestones’.
PPS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.


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#1300305 by Maryann

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12
12
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB*} HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Greeting, Jessi, and happy 7th 'birthday' on here!
I've reviewed most of your other pieces, so it was a pleasure to find this one.
I follow you on FB, so this item doesn't really come as much of surprise. You've always had somewhat of a 'bad girl' attitude, and this one shows it. Don't get wrong; I LOVE your attitude, and I love your writing, but you don't hold anything back when your write, which is one of the things I like about (and you)!
The descriptions you used in this were pretty blatant, and the metaphors and similes were over the top. I especially liked that comment about her dying her hair all the colors of Kool-Aid! *Laugh*
For as short as it is, you did a great job with characterization, and this one would be great for a revenge story.
Anyway, great spelling and grammar, and the ending was short, simple, and to the point.
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thanks for sharing this, and I hope/wish to see you entering "SCREAMS!!! more often!
Oh, and may you have many more wonderful 'birthdays' on WdC!


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#1300305 by Maryann

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13
13
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Hello, Lola!
For one of your first pieces on here, if not THE first piece, I thought this was good. I've never done yoga, but I've heard it does wonders for some people, according to my sister. I could be wrong, but I think it kind of goes hand in hand with meditation somewhat.
I'm glad you're getting back into it and making time to get reacquainted with your 'old chum', not to mention how it's helping you heal since your health changed. I hope you're doing better! *Smile*
Great spelling and telling, but I did spot a couple of niggles (sorry to be so picky!):
'...I remember the positive experience i felt' (I)
'...I found great healing in this experience which isn(')t something'
Kee ponw ritin gon, Lola! Thanks for sharing this, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write (and according to your port intro, you do!), then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.
PPPS-I noticed you don’t have any Merit Badges yet. Click on My Account (on the left hand side) > Achievements, and then go back and check your email. You should have a few surprises waiting for you there! *Bigsmile* You only need to do this when you’ve reached certain ‘achievements’ or ‘milestones’.


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#1300305 by Maryann

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14
14
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Rhyssa!
I like this, and I think it pertains to not just poetry writers, but writers of all kind!
I know the feeling of WANTING to write something, but sometimes the words don't just come. Your idea of taking a nice hot shower seems like a good remedy, but I guess it didn't work this time. But I can't tell you how many times I've laid in bed, so close to sleep, and then...WHAM! Like you, I know they'll be forgotten my morning, so I jump out of bed and quickly get them down! Fortunately I've learned to keep a pen and notepad by my bed now!
I'm no poetry expert, but I thought the meter and rhyming was great in this, and you did a nice job of using the prompt words (I'm assuming they were prompt words since they were bolded).
Well done, my friend!
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for sharing this, and have a great weekend!
PS-The very first piece I ever had published was because of nine simple words that came to me one night when I was on the verge of going to sleep: 'Close your eyes. Can you see it? It's coming.' *Bigsmile*


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#1300305 by Maryann

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15
15
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, DragonBlue.
Found this on a Read & Review and figured I'd add my two cents, even though I know it's intended mainly for a female audience.
I agree with you 100%. I know it's a touchy subject for some, especially in the south and here in TX (which is where I currently reside *Cry*), but the points you made are very valid, and it's not only moronic of the pro-lifers to 'stone' women who want to control their own bodies, but it's hypocritical as well!
And how do they get off thinking they can legislate morality, which is what I thought was your best argument in this!
Now I'm hearing about a new (or old) law in Louisiana that's about to go up to the Supreme Court (I think) concerning abortion clinics. Apparently, it could be left to the states to decide whether they want abortions to be legal or not!
Anyway, like I said, I just wanted to add my own two cents, for what it's worth.
Great article, DragonBlue!
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful week!


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#1300305 by Maryann

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16
16
Review of Beautiful Lady  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Hello there, Chenincook!
As a lover, reader, writer, and judge of horror ("SCREAMS!!!), I thought this was really good.
You did a nice job of describing what this 'visitor' was doing to you, how she was 'playing you', and urging you to do things you normally wouldn't do. And giving us that bit of backstory of moving into that older house (which 'Mom' claimed was the cause of your worries) was good too.
But 'twas that ending that made this shine! Belladonna. Also known as Devil's Berries and Deadly Nightshade!
And to have said spirit kill your mother cuz she didn't believe you was perfect!
BTW, I also like how you brought the story full circle with 'Belladonna'! *ThumbsUpL*
Flawless spelling and grammar, and considering how short it is, I thought it was excellent!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Chenincook! Welcome to WdC, and if you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

PPPS-I noticed you don’t have any Merit Badges yet. Click on My Account (on the left hand side) > Achievements, and then go back and check your email. You should have a few surprises waiting for you there! *Bigsmile* You only need to do this when you’ve reached certain ‘achievements’ or ‘milestones’.


GROUP
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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama hugs for Joy

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17
17
Review of The Morning Paper  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Howdy, Jacky!
This is pretty neat! At first I thought Dan had that planned (which might have been even better), but just having him get lucky like that worked just as well.
You did a good job with the dialogue, and Dan's sarcasm was a nice touch.
Guess Rita won't be questioning her hubbie for a while now, huh? *Laugh*
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful evening!


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#1300305 by Maryann

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18
18
Review of Mother's Secret  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Howdy, Apologue!
Congratulations on your co-victory!
I thought this was cool! Sadly, there a lot of women out there who tell their children they have a lot of uncles ('Back then I knew she could never have had that many brothers' *Laugh*), and you did a nice job of mixing that in with the deep cleaning prompt.
Even thought the story had a semi-dark and sad undertone about how these men and went, you let the reader have some hope that your character would at least have a good ending after one them left.
But noooooo! You had to go down to the cellar and open that freezer, didn't you? *Shock2*
To be honest, I didn't quite catch that ending on first glance, but after reading it again, it was plain as day!
Excellent, my friend! So how did you mother cook them? Fried? Or baked? I've always been fond of chopping them up and putting them in stews! *Laugh*
Kee ponw ritin gon, Apologue! Thanks for sharing this, and have a delicious evening and tomorrow!


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#1300305 by Maryann

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19
19
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Hello again, Lee!
I think I told you I'm no poetry expert, but I thought this was good. I've peeking at your poetry lately, and for some reason it 'calls' to me. Kind of freaky, eh? 'Course you've been writing since you were 18, so you it should call to someone, right? *Laugh*
Seriously though, I like spiritual pieces, and having seen my mother 6 months after she passed away, I do believe in spirits. This has a haunting undertone to it-I don't know if you meant for it to have one, but that's what I saw in it. But just a touch. The idea that we'll be able to see a lost friend or relative when we ourselves go to that great beyond is a nice reassurance, and you did a nice job showing that here.
Excellent rhyming and meter, and for as short as it is, it says all it needs to say.
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thanks for sharing this, and may your days be long and your nights be pleasant!


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#1300305 by Maryann

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20
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for entry "Deep Cleaning
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Hullabaloo!
For a 500 word short FF, this is pretty durn good, and I can see why SleepySerpent had a hard time judging today!
It's pretty dark, and the idea of your MC killing off her relatives was a cool concept, but I just wonder why she did? And why did she take her OWN life if she knew her aunt would be blamed for it?
UNLESSS...your MC was crazy from already having the virus! OK. Gotcha! Now it makes sense. Didn't see that at first.
Great spelling and grammar, and that description of your relatives frothing at the mouth was a nice touch! *Smirk2*
Well done, Hullabaloo!
What's ironic is that I just saw a woman telling a news reporter that this virus was a hoax made up by the Democrats to hurt little tiny donna rump! And I also heard of people who are getting chafed hands from washing so much, much like the dutiful aunt in this story!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! May your days be long and your nights pleasant, always wash your hands, don't touch your face, don't go out in public, and BELIEVE EVERYTHING THE PRESIDENT SAYS cuz he says he's got a 'hunch' about this pandemic and it will all go away really soon and everybody will live happily ever after! *Rolling*


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#1300305 by Maryann

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21
21
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Hello there, Shannon!
As a reader, writer, lover and judge of horror, I thought this was good for your very first piece on here!
First off, I love how you built up the suspense in this, and writing it in the first person only adds to the fear factor. I get the feeling that your MC (main character, being you!) is young and spending the night outside close to their house, with a small wooded area close by. That's just my own interpretation, but the main point is your dream came to fruition.
I always like to say that yes, dreams CAN come true! And sometimes so can NIGHTMARES! *Smirk2*
You did a nice job with the descriptions, and the spelling and grammar was flawless (thank you!). And I know you wrote this off the top of your head, more or less, but it had a lot more telling than showing. I think if you added a couple of similes and/or metaphors in this it could be a little better.
Here's a link on showing vs. telling if you'd like to check it out: ""Telling" Vs. "Showing" - Part 1
Otherwise, great job!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Shannon! Thanks for sharing this, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.


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#1300305 by Maryann

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22
22
Review of Slut  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Hello there, Earlymorningrise!
Huh. For one of your first pieces on here, this might be one of the most honest and revealing pieces I've read. And I thought you did a great job writing it.
You don't have your bio up yet, so I don't know how old you are, but apparently you had a reason (or there WAS a reason) for doing this, and even though I doubt most people would admit, I think we all went through phases like this at one time or another.
You said you 'lost it' after your mother died, but you weren't psychotic. I lost my mother when I was only 11, and I also lost it but I didn't go psychotic. But like you, it did change me.
I also see your reasoning for doing this when you said you were looking for love and acceptance. I can't agree or disagree that you went about it the right way, but I'm not God, so I sure as hell ain't gonna judge you! You said you were also looking for freedom, and in a lot of ways and for a lot of people, having several different partners is the only way they can find that.
That last line really summed it all perfectly. It's ironic that those two should have to come together like that, but the world works in mysterious ways.
BTW, I'm old enough to remember the sexual revolution of the 60's (but I obviously wasn't old enough to experience it *Laugh*), so if this happened during that time, then you don't need any reason to explain yourself. Actually, even now you don't need any reason to explain yourself.
Well done, Early. I'm really impressed that you'd be so open and share something like this, and I admire you for doing so! *ThumbsUpL*
One tiny niggle in an otherwise really good piece:
'It was lose and freedom all rolled into one' (loss)
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write (and I encourage to keep doing so!), then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.


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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama hugs for Joy

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23
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Review of Achoo!  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Howdy, Odessa!
First off, I've been a fan of yours for some time, so happy to see entering this contest! We need more contestants like you!
I thought this was great! Especially for only using 357 words! The imagery you used was perfect, but it was that professional dialogue and atmosphere you used that stood out the most. Having the soldiers going through all those channels and using those code phrases like 'code Xray Zulu Three Four' to get to the 3rd floor (which makes perfect sense, btw!) was perfect, and gave it a very realistic feel. The reader can picture the package being transferred from one soldier to the next as makes its way to our filthy and brain-dead lunatic-in-chief.*
But it was that surprise ending that really made this shine. OK. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't expecting it to be something as simple as some a bundle of used tissues!
BRAVO, my friend!
The spelling and grammar was flawless (thank you!), and the whole piece read smoothly! I just hope that German Shephard made it out alive!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Odessa! It was pleasure to read, good luck in the contest, and have a wonderful weekend!
*I rarely speak my mind when it comes to politics on here, but I couldn't resist after reading this piece. As you can tell, I'm no fan of tiny little donna rump, and I have a sneaking suspicion you're not either since you wrote this! *Smirk2*


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#1300305 by Maryann

A bloody mess ...lol


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24
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Review of Let it Burn!  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Ahoy, Lovina, and happy belated 5th 'birthday' on here!
Hey! Please don't be offended but Lovina was the kind of name I was looking for when I started writing "BURN: The Unfinished Story last night! That sounds a lot like a gypsy name, at least to me. As it is, I googled gypsy names and went with Rosella.
Sorry, I digress.
I like this so far, and I think it would work well for much longer story. I know it's only a synopsis, but it's also good outline for at least a few chapters. I'm sure you already know this, but you might want to add some backstory/history to Craig Batterman, or maybe even start it out with him alive and then die of heart failure somewhere early in the book/story.
Just a suggestion! It's your baby, and you can take it wherever you want!
As I said, so far, so good!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful weekend!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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25
25
Review of L'aura del Campo  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Howdy, Kåre!
This is great. I know it might not be in good taste for some folks, but we can't hide from the facts. This pandemic is out there and it's only going to get worse, so maybe adding a little jocularity to this situation might help ease it a bit. Some of the late night talk show hosts are doing it, so why not?
This is song I knew well from my youth, and it's probably one of Neil's most popular songs. Heck, I think some major sports team even used as one of their own songs!
This coronavirus isn't going away anytime soon, so you're parody of this song isn't just good advice, but a good warning too!
*Music1* No touching me,
no touching you... *Music2*

Well done, my friend.
Kee ponw ritin gon, thanks for the chuckles, and have a great weekend!


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#1300305 by Maryann

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