Hello again! This is the second review from Itchy Water.
This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.
You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.
As I was looking through your portfolio, this title, "Feelings", caught my attention. I've read the poem several times over to get a good understanding of the mood, tone and overall meaning. I've come to the opinion (only my opinion) that the title "Feelings" doesn't fit the poem. Though the poem touches upon certain feelings, it really doesn't address the wide spectrum of feelings I was expecting. It only touches upon one feeling, hurt feelings caused by friendship. The poem is mostly about betrayal in friendships. I would consider changing or modifying the title, maybe "Hurt Feelings".
The first stanza is somewhat confusing to me and it contradicts the second stanza. The 3rd line in the first stanza says "My feelings won't change due to what is said." Then in the second stanza you start off saying "I hurt just like others do," You are painting two different pictures. The first picture is of a stone cold person who can withstand the backstabbing of a friend and their feelings don't change. The second picture is of a person who hurts at betrayal and would rather dismiss the friendship and be alone.
I suggest adding the word "I" to "would rather be alone." I'm not sure if this is a typo or not, but I believe it should read "but if dishonesty and betrayal come, I would rather be alone."
I suggest adding the word "ever" to the phrase "and if I'm wrong" so it would be "and if I'm ever wrong,". The way it is written now makes it sound like you might be wrong about having an open heart to genuine friends.
I think the rhyme in the poem adds another dimension to it. The rhymes are not perfect rhymes but they work. However, there are two words that do not rhyme at all and they are "anyone" and "gone".
I think the verse "You may wonder why I'm writing this piece" significantly takes away from your poem. I would strongly consider rewriting something else for this verse. There are so many words that rhyme with disease that are applicable to friendship and trust, words like: please, displease, appease, worries, trusties, stories, softies, tease, rubies, sissies, pansies, follies, dummies, duties, floozies, cooties, agrees, boundaries....and so many more.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem, but my opinion is, it needs a little editing. "lack of trust is a disease" is quite a statement to end the poem on. I don't think the poem proved that statement. I think the flow is good but the the tone is off by the contradicting statements. Perhaps I am just reading it in the wrong frame of mind. But I come to you simply as a reader, someone with opinions and so I have spilled out all my thoughts and hope that some of my comments have been helpful.
I truly enjoyed reading your poem. I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement. May you decide what is best for your work.