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1
1
Review of His Mighty Hand  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love it! The use of the refrains are powerful. This poem/psalm makes me realize that God is always with me. He is not a far off being in the sky, but rather He is here, with me right now and always. His Spirit can even be inside of me if I allow it. And because I live in this world, I will feel grief and pain, but His Spirit can give me the comfort and strength I need to move on.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem with me.

Deanna
2
2
for entry "To My Brothers
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Poetry Reviews by Itchywater
Reviewed by Itchywater


Hi Anastasia. V. Pergakis I'm reviewing "To My Brothers as a Member 2 Member review for the Rising Stars

This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


First impressions:

         I think this is great tribute to your male friends who have been there for you through thick and thin. Great amounts of emotion are highly expressed here. The essence of love and admiration ooze from this poem.


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What I liked about the poem:

         The words in this poem really make the reader (me) feel the strong desire of appreciation the writer has for her fellow friends.

         The length of the poem adds to the emotion and shows that the writer is trying his/her best to express his/her emotions. If this poem were shorter, the impact of the poem would be lessoned greatly.

         They rhythm is great. Though there is no set meter or syllable count, the verses have a distinct flow.

         The rhymes are great and enhance the flow and the overall effect of the poem. They seem natural rather than forced. Good Job!


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Possible improvements for the poem:

         Two technical things to address: punctuation and capitalization.
         It is okay for poetry to be without punctuation on the end of each line. However, if you choose not to punctuate, it must be consistent. That being said, the first line of the first paragraph is punctuated with a comma. You will want to eliminate that comma if you do not want to use punctuation. It is my opinion that this poem would benefit with the use of punctuation. But it is up to you.
         Since you are not using punctuation, it is impossible to see which line ends a sentence and which starts a sentence. That being said, you have a few lines that are lowercased.I don't see why some are lowercased and others aren't I suggest, for this poem, just keeping them all the same, in the uppercased format.

          "You know of my past but you do not judge / To you it's like a page in a book with a smudge"
These two verses seem contradictory. If they do not judge, then there should be no smudge. A smudge is a marking a distinction, a proof of error. Here are some other words that rhyme with judge: nudge, drudge, trudge, sludge, fudge, grudge, budge.

         "But I know that I can help set your hearts free"
The poem is written to one person, though it is meant for many. But all the pronouns are singular. Thus, "hearts" should be singular "heart".


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I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*

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Review of White Water Life  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Poetry Reviews by Itchywater
Reviewed by Itchywater


Hi 🌓 HuntersMoon This is the 2nd review from the Itching package you won in the "Invalid Item

This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


First impressions:

         My first impressions after reading this poem is that of stress, overstimulation, chaos, but at the same time, peace, fearlessness, faith, and God. There is a wonderful message in this poem.


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What I liked about the poem:

         I have two favorite parts: "I focus all my energy / with no time left for dread" and "I don't fear the unknown. / I join the rush in harmony. / I know I'm not alone." These verses stand out to me. If we focus all our energy on the goal, then there will be no more energy left for worries and doubt. Then maybe, we will actually reach our goals. Very powerful!

         This is a new form to me. I've seen it before but have never tackled it myself. With a strict rhyme scheme and syllable count, you were able to write a powerful metaphorical poem. Great Job.

         I really like the metaphor of the daily challenges of life being likened to a white water rafting excursion. I thought this was a very creative way of writing the poem. And the connection is clear, letting the great imagery be realized figuratively. I really liked that.


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Possible improvements for the poem:

         You did a good job with the form, however there are a couple of errors with the implementation. First, in the first stanza, last line, the last word is supposed to rhyme with lines 5 and 6. However, the last word is "pain" which does not rhyme with "afloat" or "boat."
         You also should look at the third line in the third stanza. This line has one too many syllables. You could connect it to the previous line and rewrite the verse to something like: 'and recalling life's symphony'

         I don't care for the four syllable refrains. It seems that more thought should have gone into the making of the 5th lines of each stanza in order to have a better refrain. In poetry, every word counts, especially in refrains. Refrains are powerful parts of the poem, demanding a certain tone. However, the refrains "My muscles strain," "The challenges," and "I'm swept along" don't do anything for the poem, in fact, I think they take away from the poem.


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I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*


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Review of Safe Sex  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A Poetry Review by Itchywater


Hi 🌓 HuntersMoon This review is 1 of 2 reviews you will receive from me for winning The Itching Package in the "Invalid Item

This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


First Impressions:

          First impressions are made even before a reader reads the poem. The opinions and impressions are made when they see the title and even the brief description. These two things cause someone to stop and read or cause them to pass over the poem/story. The title "Safe Sex" is eye catching. It definitely draws potential readers in to see what "Safe Sex" could be about. For me, I was lured in by the title and the fact that it was a Limerick. I knew that it must be very creative and funny. I didn't know until after I read your poem and googled "Limerick" that they are often dirty and sexual in nature.*Blush* I thought they just had to be funny. I learned something.
         I open the poem and there is an erotic and funny picture. I, being the big prude that I am, was hesitant to read on, but my curiosity overcame me. After I read the limerick once, I thought it was a good limerick but thought it was misplaced and incorrectly rated. Though it was good, I didn't really enjoy it as much as I should have because I am such a fuddy-duddy.


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What I liked about the poem:

         I think you did a great job with the Limerick form. Limericks are not easy to write compared to other poetry forms. You make it look so easy. The words flow one right after the other. Reading it aloud, it sounds like a song. The rhymes are perfect and feel natural. None of the words feel forced or out of place. The imagery is there, that's for sure. The tone is of frustration and then the bite of humor. Your creativity definitely shines through in this poem. This is a memorable poem, that's for sure. Good Job!


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Possible improvements for the poem:

         I have a few suggestions for this poem, the first being the location and rating of the poem. When I saw "Safe Sex" in the "Humor" folder, I didn't think it would be very graphic because you have an "Adult" folder, where the graphic material is located. If you want to keep it in the "Humor" folder, I suggest noting "(Adult Humor)" in the brief description like you did for "Wedding Night Wish

         I also would consider changing the rating from 13+ to 18+or higher. I'm fairly certain that this is rated incorrectly because of the adult content. After all, it does allude to some pretty graphic stuff.

         Now, as far as the poem itself goes, I noticed that there are unnecessary shifts in tense throughout the poem. The actions of each verb takes place during the same time frame, thus, there should not be any shifts in tense. The poem begins using Past Tense ("... was her first", "Then came a..." ) then changes to Present Tense {"... list of what's banned.") The word "what's" is present tense because it is a contraction for what is/what has. In this case it is what is. The tense shifts back to Past Tense("... she was through" "there was little..." Then the tense changes again to Present tense ("...I think) And then to using the Future tense (I'll just...).

         "By the time she was through"
-This is an Introductory Phrase. It requires a comma at the end of the phrase (after the word through).

         "there was little to do/so, I think I'll just stick with my hand!"
- Notice the comma after the word so, well it should be before the word and after the word do. These two verses are part of a compound sentence. The word so is the coordinating conjunction.


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I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*

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5
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Review of Furry Philosophy  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a Rising Stars M2M review from Itchy Water. This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


*Pencil* WHY I CHOSE THIS PIECE: *Pencil*

*Right*I came to your port because you are a Rising Star like me. I had hopes that there would be something good to review for the M2M reviews. I was immediately pulled into this poem by it its title "Furry Philosophy."

*Pencil* FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *Pencil*

*Right*As a cat lover, I couldn't help but smile at each verse. This poem is definitely written for cat lovers. It made me think of my own cat and her idiosyncrasies.

*Pencil* MY FAVORITE PARTS: *Pencil*

If there is a brand new toilet paper roll in the bathroom,
she will use it to decorate the entire house.

*Right*This is one of my favorite parts simply because my cat has a toilet paper fetish too. We have to hide it from her. She loves tearing it up when I am away or not giving her enough attention.


"If there is a laser pointer on the loose,
the kitten will turn herself inside out trying to catch it."

*Right*The other thing I like about this poem is the great usage of various types of metaphors. In this verse, for example, you personified the laser, and used a hyperbole explaining the cats actions.


SUGGESTIONS:

*Pencil* TITLE: *Pencil*

*Right*The title "Furry Philosophy" did its job. It captured me. I think it is a great title for this poem. It exemplifies the poem perfectly.


*Pencil*CLARITY:*Pencil*

"If there is only one little cup of yogurt left,
she will stare and stare until I share it with her."

*Right*The poem's clarity is remarkable, however these two lines need attention. When I first read it, I thought you were talking about a person. How can a cat know it is the last yogurt? More importantly, how can a cat stare at something that is inside the refrigerator? Perhaps you might want to mention that the cat is staring at you while you are eating it.


*Pencil*IMAGERY:*Pencil*

*Right*The imagery makes this poem so great. You do a marvelous job showing me what your cat does.


*Pencil*GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SPELLING:*Pencil*

"but my kitten has taught me more about life than any class:
It's not about how much you get done or how successful you become;"

*Right*Because "It's" follows a colon, it should be lowercased.

*Right*You did an awesome job with grammar, punctuation and spelling. I only found one small thing worth mentioning but overall you did terrific.


*Pencil* FLOW/STRUCTURE/RHYME: *Pencil*

*Right*The only structure in this poem is that it is written in quatrains. There is no standard rhyme or rhythm. I think if there was a consistent or near consistent syllable count in the lines, the poem would flow better.


OVERALL:

*Right*I think the poem is well written and even funny. I believe it could be better if the poem had a better flow. Nevertheless, I love the poem and am glad I found it because it brought a smile to my face. Oh, I'd like to add that the ending is superb. You close the poem perfectly. This poem demonstrates true talent. You should be proud. (I write this as my cat is nudging me for attention)


I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*



Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig

"A Poem A Day Contest
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6
6
Review of I Wish  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Viv. I have just read "I Wish" from your port. I thought you did a great job expressing your desires for a premium membership. I can't help but wonder why "the premium upgrade keeps calling [you]" Is this a classic form of "the grass is always greener on the other side?" or is there something in this package that she really wants.

I really want to know if you know something about the premium package that I don't know. Have just recently received premium for myself, it's very possible that I could be missing out on some of its great features.

You mention that upgrading to premium would "enable [you] to do many more activities for the benefit of many people here at writing.com; espcially for disABILITY WRITERS GROUP" Now, my question is, what kind of activities are you talking about?

I'm not so sure you can do so much more with a premium account as you are led to believe. It has it's perks, yes, however, having an upgraded membership should be sufficient for activities and your group. Besides, once you get premium, there's always the next pay period and dilemma of maintaining it.

Please let me know what it is exactly that you want to do in WDC that you can't do right now with the upgraded status. I am very interested. And until you get that desired premium, enjoy what you have, upgraded is much better than basic.
7
7
Review of it wasnt long ago  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
This is a review from Itchy Water.*Smile* This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


*Buttonp*Hi Cathy. Thanks for contacting me to have a look at your work. Since you contacted me, I will provide only my honest opinions. I always will tell you what I know from experience and from my opinion. You do not have to agree with what I say. Just know that what i say is given with the intent to encourage you and help you grow as a poet. Now, I've taken a glance into your port and familiarized myself with your other works. This is my first stop, I hope to make a few more pit stops along the way if that's okay with you.

*Buttonb*Looking at your 3 items in your port, I can tell that you write with a lot of emotion. That is a good thing. It is both cathartic and it is usually when artists get their most inspiration. However, poetry is not all about emotion. Skill, craft, and talent are involved in writing good poetry. I am not inferring that you can not write free style poetry, however, even writing free style poetry consists of thought and care of the poetic conventions.

*Buttonv*Okay, now I'll start my comments on this particular poem. The comments will not appear in order of importance or of any other significance.

*Buttonr*"It wasn't long ago, that I last saw your face" I want to focus on the comma in the verse. There is no need for the comma here or in any of the other lines. The reason being is these are all Relative Clauses. Commas should not be used to set off Essential That-Clauses which are dependent clauses beginning with the word "That".

*Buttont*In poetry, every word counts. The repetition of words and ides should be used sparingly, and only if it emphasizes the poem. I noticed that you wrote one of your other poems similar to this one. It appears to be a good way to help you get your thoughts on paper, however, the repetition is not good for the end result of the poem.

I can get a better grasp of your poem by omitting the first part of each verse ("It wasn't long ago, that":

I saw your face
I smeled your perfume-------(smelled is misspelled)
I gave you a kiss
I had to say good-bye

I saw you in a dream
I saw you walk past me
You called me on the phone
You broke me in two

I saw you with someone new
you saw me too
you told so many lies
you said sorry

I cried my last tear
you begged me to come back to your arms
I couldn't even remember your name
you broke me in two


*Buttong*After omitting the unnecessary words, I can see that there is a lot that can be improved on. I can also see some positive features. For instance, it was a good idea to use the refrain "you broke me in two" Another thing I noticed, but needs work is the use of sensory imagery. You got the sensory part down but you still need imagery. It has a lot to do with show don't tell.
Instead of "I saw your face"
you could say "Your smile trapped me"
Instead of "I smelled your perfume"
you could say "traced with layers of oakmoss"
Instead of "I gave you a kiss"
you could say "willingly, I embraced


*Buttonbr*I hope that last examples proves one thing—poetry is a process, it includes many revisions.

*Buttont*The clarity of the poem needs worked on. In the 1st stanza, there is a couple embracing, then departing. In the 2nd stanza there is a dream with a phone call and heartache. In the 3rd stanza there is deceit and apologies, however, I am not sure if this is still part of the dream. In the 4th stanza there is unforgiveness, still, I am not clear if this is the dream or not. I can not detect where the line is drawn.

*Buttonp*I implore you to continue revising your poem using the examples and observations I have given you. Try to watch for repetition of words and ideas, with the exception of the refrain. A refrain is usually a good repetition.

*Buttono*Now, I understand if you don't agree or like what I said. If that is the case then just delete the review and move on, never stop writing. However, if you are interested in me reviewing another one of your poems, just let me know. I am also willing to review this poem again if you do decide to make any changes to it.


I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*
8
8
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a Rising Stars M2M review from Itchy Water. This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


*Pencil* WHY I CHOSE THIS PIECE: *Pencil*

*Right*I chose to review this piece as one of my member-to-member reviews for the Rising Stars group . I have not yet had the privilege to review one of your items. I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to do so now. I jumped into your poetry folder and found this creative gem of yours.

*Pencil* FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *Pencil*

*Right* I loved the idea of making an old nursery rhyme into your own rhyme. This shows your talent and creativity.

*Pencil* MY FAVORITE PARTS: *Pencil*

*Right*My favorite part about this poem is that you have transformed the nursery, making it appropriate for today's issues such as the recession.

SUGGESTIONS:

*Pencil* TITLE: *Pencil*

*Right*The title is the first thing a potential reader is going to see. It must "grab" their attention, making them want to read the poem. It grabbed me. I think "Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe" is an excellent title for this poem. It lets the prospective reader know that this poem has something to do with that nursery rhyme.

*Pencil* STRUCTURE: *Pencil*

*Right*The structure appears to be free verse with an aa/bb/cc/dd rhyme scheme. There is no consistent meter, however, it flows perfectly when I read it.


*Pencil*IMAGERY:*Pencil*

*Right*The poem is clear and imagery is sufficient for a poem of this length.

*Pencil*GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SPELLING:*Pencil*

*Right*Excellence is shown through your writing ability. I spotted no errors. Great Job.

*Pencil* FLOW/RHYTHM/RHYME: *Pencil*

*Right*The poem rhymes like a nursery rhyme. However, this is not a nursery rhyme I'd want to read to my baby nephew. *Smile*

*Right*The rhymes are perfect, nothing sounding forced.

OVERALL:

*Right*You have a great poem. I think every mother can relate to this in one way or another. This poem represents a part of society that we don't like to talk about-abusive families. But they are real, and they are out there. I think you did a fine job at writing about it and even putting a bit of humor into it.

I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*



Rising Stars Member to Member Reviewing Sig

"A Poem A Day Contest
Image #1791887 over display limit. -?-
Image #1756829 over display limit. -?-
9
9
Review of Faces  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a Rising Stars M2M review from Itchy Water. This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


*Pencil* WHY I CHOSE THIS PIECE: *Pencil*

*Right*I chose to review this piece as one of my member-to-member reviews for the Rising Stars group . I have not yet had the privilege to review one of your items. I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to do so now. I didn't have much time to go through your portfolio because this poem just jumped right out at me. The description is too intriguing. I think this is a port I will have to soon return to. There is just too much poetry here to be ignored.

*Pencil* FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *Pencil*

*Right*I have a fascination with prison life and the prison system as a whole. It is a topic that most people don't discuss. You capture the very depth of emotion that a prisoner feels as bed time occurs.

*Pencil* MY FAVORITE PARTS: *Pencil*

*Right*It is difficult to pick out a favorite part. Each verse is written so fluidly. I will say that I really liked the rhyming aspect of the poem. Also, the way it is formatted makes a big difference. I liked how each word is lower cased. That emphasizes the tone of the poem.

SUGGESTIONS:

*Pencil* TITLE: *Pencil*

*Right*The title is the first thing a potential reader is going to see. It must "grab" their attention, making them want to read the poem. "Faces on the Floor" is a great title. It seems abstract for a title but is concrete in its meaning. I like it. I think it is a great title for the poem.

*Pencil* STRUCTURE: *Pencil*

*Right*The poem seems to be in free verse, however there appears to be some structure. The first stanza is 3 lines, second stanza is 4 lines, third stanza is 5 lines, then fourth stanza is 4 lines and last stanza is back to 3 lines. The rhymes also match. The only thing I question is the dash after the third stanza. I don't see it's significance. If anything, it breaks the flow and structure of the poem.

*Pencil*CLARITY:*Pencil*

"vision grown
altered core."

*Right*With so few words, you said so much. There is just one part that makes me stumble. I'm not sure what you mean by "vision grown / altered core." In prison there's not much of a vision to be had. This is confusing to me.

*Pencil*IMAGERY:*Pencil*

*Right*The imagery is great! You did so much showing and not telling. That is a talent. I could feel the emotion even though you did not tell it. You showed it. You allow the reader, me, to experience what it is like in that cell, all alone surrounded by nothing but shadows. I can only imagine having to see that every night for the rest of my life!

*Pencil*GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SPELLING:*Pencil*

*Right*There are only a few ending punctuation marks used. It is not consistent. In poetry, the rule of thumb is all or none. Most poetry is enhanced by the usage of punctuation, however punctuation must be employed throughout the entire poem, not just in parts. I believe this poem does not need punctuation. I would suggest taking out the few periods that you have.

*Pencil* FLOW/RHYTHM/RHYME: *Pencil*

*Right*This poem flowed smoothly from beginning to end. The first thing I noticed was the great rhyme scheme you created in each stanza. It helped to create a smooth flow, as well as a pleasing auditory experience when read aloud. You used creative wording to support the content as well as enhance the flow. Very nicely done. I didn't find any of the wording choices to come across as forced, and that is no easy feat.

OVERALL:

*Right*You should be proud. You have a great poem. The tone is consistent with the theme. It makes me feel sorrow for the prisoner, to have to experience such depression. But then again, that is why he/she is there in the first place, to be secluded and pay for the crime he/she committed. Still, my heart goes out to the prisoners. They are supposed to be receiving "corrections" and "rehabilitation" but what they get is faces on the floor.

I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*



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Review of Britt: Save you  
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This is a review from Itchy Water.*Smile* This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.

Hi Persephone. I saw your post in the Coffee Lounge and decided to take a look at your port.

The poem has depth of emotion to it. It seems that this is a personal piece or was written from a personal experience.

However, this poem lacks a lot of poetic conventions such as imagery, assonance, alliteration and so forth. The poem is good but needs a bit of work.
I offer my suggests below:

I didn't understand
Now I do
I was sent here for you
My job is to find you
and to save you
You are the one
I have been searching for
My other half
I am complete
I have found you
If only I could save you

You will notice that I took out some words and even a line. In poetry, you want to be as concise as possible. The words I took out were unnecessary and even repetitive. You will see that I divided the two lines in the middle to four lines. This creates enjambments, a poetic convention. I also changed the ending. It gives the poem a meaning. Whereas the original ending was just repetition.

There is no punctuation in the poem but I think it would benefit from the usage of punctuation. Just my opinion.

The spelling and grammar are flawless. And the flow is okay. The long verses in the middle of the poem break up the flow, which is why I split them up.

Overall, you have a good poem that, with a little editing can be made into a great poem.


I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ~WhoMe???~ This is the 3rd review for your package (3 out of 3)

This is a review from Itchy Water.*Smile* This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


Personal Impression

To me, this reads as having strong spiritual undertones throughout the poem. Though emotion is capitalized on throughout the poem, I read a spiritual message between the lines.


Tone & Mood

The tone seems to be overcoming, persevering. The mood for me is hopeful, joyous and exciting. For healing is sought after and healing is acquired. A new life has begun. Exciting!


Rhyme, Form & Flow

The rhyme is excellent. You maintain the aabb format throughout the entire poem without having one rhyme sounding forced. The consistent rhyme scheme helped to create a smooth flow, as well as a pleasing auditory experience when read aloud.

"Seeing the good with the bad
Watching the options that I had"

I'd like to suggest instead of "watching" how about "weighing", to me it just flows better. If "weighing" doesn't work, how about "knowing". I think I like "knowing" better.


Emotional Impact(imagery, fig lang, theme, & symbolism)

"Lifting my hands to the skies/ I cry out for help tow to cure /This life of mine that isn't pure"
To me, this is someone who has reached their end and is calling on God to change them.

"Viewing change taking place" Here the person can see the changes taking place. They can see their prayer being answered. They are being "born again" as the verse says "A new life now had just begun"


Grammar/Punctuation/Diction

I see no issue with your grammar. However, the poem's punctuation needs attention. The poem lacks punctuation except in one stanza, the third. Besides the third stanza there is no punctuation. Poetry can be without punctuation but it should be all or none. Taking that single punctuation mark out would be the easy fix, however, this poem would benefit from the use of punctuation in my opinion.

"I accept all I may be"....."If I would accept who is me"
These verses seem to contradict one another. What do you think?


Overall,

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It has layers to it which make for an enjoyable read. The ending statement "This has been a time for healing" is a remarkable ending to such a poem. It says I have been touched, healed and nothing/nobody else has done this to me but God. Its a testament to his/her faith.

I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*

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Review of FRED AND COCO  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ~WhoMe???~ this is the second review for your package.(2 out of 3)

This is a review from Itchy Water.*Smile* This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


Personal Impression

This is a great poem that gives tribute to our pets. They give us such joy and happiness just being themselves. They each have their own personality. No one pet is like the other. When two pets are put together, so do their personalities collide.

This poem makes me think of my 7 cats and how they all interact with one another, and even with me. They are all so very different. Punky fills his mouth with food, walks away from the bowl, then spits it out on to the floor, then eats the food. Max stares at shadows for hours. Violet demands she sleep with me, or rather, on top of me. The list goes on of their unique qualities.

Tone & Mood

The poem's tone seems to be playful. To me, the mood seems a chaotic. I sense the chaos from Fred "racing around each corner, and energized"; "never ending battle"; "frantic overlord of toys" "crazy Fred" and "hectic on-going laps"

Rhyme, Form & Flow

This poem is a Mirrored Acrostic poem, also called a Shadowed Acrostic poem. I am really impressed at how well you were able to write this form. Your beginning and ending words seem so natural. You make it look so easy. Nice Job!

This is actually the first time I have seen an acrostic written in mirrored form. I really like this style. So much so, I think I will use it for my poetry contest.

Emotional Impact(imagery, fig lang, theme, & symbolism)

I think the poem would have benefited from the use of more imagery. What does Fred look like? What did does Coco look like? Those are basic things that probably should have been mentioned. As I read this I don't know how to picture the dogs. Are they big, small, brown, black? What kind of dog is running around the gazebo?

Grammar/Punctuation

Your spelling and grammar are flawless! All of the punctuation is appropriately placed. Your clean writing creates a foundation for a smoother read because your breaks in thought are clear to me, the reader.

Overall

Overall this is a fun piece of literature. It is lighthearted and enjoyable to read. I think most readers, after reading this, will be directed to their memories of experiences with their own pets whether it be childhood pets or current. Great Job!

I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*



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Review of Freedom's Key  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ~WhoMe???~ This is the first review for your package (1 out of 3).

This is a review from Itchy Water.*Smile* This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


Personal Impression

This is a poem that can be interpreted in various ways. Its meaning can differ depending on its reader and especially depending on where the reader lives. I believe this is called Multivalence. Many writers strive for this.
As an American, I've always heard that we must "fight" for freedom. However, I don't feel that this poem is about war (though it may be) To me, it is more about education and morals. We want the benefits of knowledge and moral society, however, we are not willing to pay the price and learn and live a moral lifestyle. We want to have our pie and eat it too.


Tone & Mood

I think the tone is what makes this poem so versatile. Though it might be about war, the tone does not reflect that; it is not harsh, ruthless or tragic. The tone is more obscure and vague as well as concerned. For me, the mood is a bit of frustration as well as hope. Its frustrating when you are part of a whole and you cannot change the direction of the whole. Then there's hope, you have hope that the whole will find the answer and make the appropriate sacrifice to gain freedom's key.


Rhyme, Form & Flow

The abcb structure worked well with this poem. The rhymes were all very good and none seemed forced. There was no set meter, yet the poem flowed very well. I read it without any hiccups.

Emotional Impact(imagery, fig lang, theme, & symbolism)

The poem is filled with great usage of figurative language but lacks usage of imagery. The way the poem is written, subjective and intangible, I think that the lack of imagery is a good call.

Grammar/Punctuation/Other

The 3rd and 4th lines of the first stanza are one question, therefore, a question mark is needed at the end of the 4th line rather than a period.

The semicolon in the 1st line of the third stanza should be a comma because they are not two independent clauses.

The semicolon in the 1st line of the fifth stanza should be a comma because they are not two independent clauses.

"We can not earn the right;
stealing confines us even more."

These verses confuse me and seem out of place. Why can we not earn the right? It seems that paying the price is earning the right, isn't it? Also, how is earning the right connected to stealing it? I would think these to be opposites. If they are opposites, I don't think a semicolon is appropriate.

Overall

Overall, you have a great poem here. Verse by verse, your passion shines through for this is a very passionate piece. Freedom is something that everyone takes for granted. People that have grown up with freedom and lived everyday of their lives with freedom cannot imagine what it would be like to have their freedom stripped from them. They/We don't fight for that freedom key anymore, we just assume that freedom is ours and that it is our right because we are alive. Unfortunately, even freedom has a cost. We need to open our eyes and realize that we need to straighten our act and do what is required for freedom, whether it be war, education or morals.

I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*

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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Liam. I'm sorry this isn't really a review. I just wanted to say I came across this poem through Patricks page and after reading it am completely amazed. This is definitely a poem of significance. I loved every line. You are truly an amazing poet. Thanks for sharing this.
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a review from Itchy Water on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


Hi Harry. I saw your name in the Showering Acts of Joy Garden and decided to take the plunge into your port. I scanned over all the many poems you had until I saw "Women And Their Hair". I knew this was a must read. I was so right.

This is a great mono-rhyming poem. You show there's not a lack of words that rhyme with "hair". I am impressed with the length of the poem, given that it is mono-rhymed and that the rhymes are all good and not slanted. Great Job!

Reading through this the first time, I chuckled and grinned, but when I came to the end of this poem laughter burst out of my core. The poem already had so many funny truths and by adding this major truism at the end, it really gives the poem the perfect punch.

The rhyming and flow add a special sense of humor to the tone of the poem. Though the verses vary in syllable length and meter, each stanza set is close enough that the poem flows almost perfectly verse by verse, tied together by perfect rhymes.

"And after hours devoted to finally getting it where
they will leave the house, oh, it’s so totally unfair
how wind or humidity can quickly cause disrepair."

         I think this could be reworded to better the flow and clarity. How about something like this:
"Spending hours devoted strictly on getting the hair
appropriate just to leave the house, it's so totally unfair
when wind and humidity erupt quickly causing disrepair"

My favorite verse:
"In truth, men notice her more if she shows off her pair."
This is perfect. I can't help but wonder if this whole poem was centered around this verse or if this was just a lucky inspiration. Either way, it brings the poem up a notch. *Smile*

Overall, I think you have a great poem, worthy of notice. It is entertaining and easy to read. You show your talent for imagery as well as rhyme. I am glad that I found this gem of yours and was able to read it. Thanks for sharing.


I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*
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Review of Clowns  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review from Itchy Water on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


Hi Legerdemain. I found you on the Showering Acts of Joy Garden and decided to take the plunge into your port. I am so glad that I did. I decided to look at the poem "Clowns" because it was a palindrome poem.

Palindrome poems are not easy to write, at least not in my experience. But you take this form by the horns! You make it look so easy. You not only wrote one palindrome, you wrote three of them, and you did so remarkably.

The poem is complete with the three palindromes. It wouldn't have the same effect with just one. The tone is fun and the mood is exciting. There is a douse of imagery in every line. I feel as though I am at the circus with clowns all around.

The visual effect of this poem is also significant. You did a great job with the aesthetics of this poem. It makes for an easy and pleasurable read.

I learned a new word, "Akimbo". Though the definition of the word fits the context, I think the word is a bit complex compared to the rest of the wording. It seems a bit out of place to me.

Overall, I think you have written a great poem that can be enjoyed by any age level. You have mastered a difficult form and made it seem so easy. I am very glad that I had the chance to read this uplifting piece of poetry. Great job.


I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*
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Review of Courage  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Marie
This is a review from Itchy Water on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


*Buttonp*Hi Leslie. I found you listed in the Showering Acts of Joy's Garden so I decided to read from your port. I have chosen your poem "Courage" to review.

*Buttonb*I would like to first mention the title and brief description. The title and the brief description are the first things a potential reader is going to see. It must "grab" their attention, making them want to read the poem as well as resemble the poem. I have to say that the brief description does not "call" me in as a reader. Saying "This is a poem i came up with about courage" is not enticing. Perhaps something like "A poem about meeting Courage" or "Courage shows himself in this short poem" As for the title, I think it is a good representation of the poem. I wonder what you think of the title "I
Am Courage" Just a suggestion.


*Buttonv*I really like the tone of this piece. It is strong. You used your words wisely. There are a few parts where the tone is weakened. "I come from both your mind and heart" the phrase "come from" sounds passive. I suggest using a stronger word than "come". Something like "I emerge out of" or "I radiate from".

*Buttonr*I like how you personified courage. "I am courage" is a great statement.

*Buttont*"I am courage, standing up to someone of authority."I suggest omitting "someone of" and changing "standing" to "I stand" in order to fit with the "I" statements. My suggestion: "I am courage; I stand up to authority." In fact, you might even consider separating this into two verses. It would look better because the poem would begin with the the same verse as the ending verse.

*Buttong*"Making your thoughts and ideas burst out with confidence." I suggest changing "Making" to "I make" in order to fit with the "I" statements.

*Buttonbr* "I am as old as life an as young as an infant learning to walk." There is a typo in this verse. "life an" should be "life and".

*Buttonp*"I like to make you think and use your opinions, letting your adrenaline go." This verse sounds awkward to me. I don't understand why Courage would "like to make you think..." Suggestion: "I like charging you up, inspiring you, and watching your adrenaline explode."


*Buttonr*"I am an exciting and loud feeling, a voice in your mind pushing you." I would suggest using a different word than "loud" because "loud" is not a feeling. Perhaps: intense, heavy, piercing... Also, I would suggest changing "a voice" to "the voice".


*Buttono*"I AM COURAGE...." I'm not sure why you have the ellipsis at the end here. I would discourage that. I think it only needs a period or maybe an exclamation point.

*Buttont*Now, I have just dissected your poem. I hope you find at least some of the suggestions useful. I think this poem has a lot of potential. It is a very powerful piece.I'm glad that I got to read it. Thanks for sharing it.


I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*

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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Michael. I saw this title on the side of my screen under "by online authors" and noticed the bible verse which intrigued me to read it.

I really like the topic. From my own beliefs, I think you have something here. However, the lack of evidence provided makes this piece hard to believe.

What is the definition of the "industry of man" that is so sinful? I think you should explain here what makes it a sin.
You mentioned that the Free Masons "sought world control" I would have like to have read an example or time period or something that proves that they "sought world control". As it is stated, it looks like it is just an opinion stated as fact. The same goes for the statue of liberty. There should be some background supporting your statements. I really want to believe you but without evidence, I just find it hard to do so.

Why do you say that the symbols in front of financial institutions are pagan? I'm not disagreeing with you, I simply am saying that you should explain why.

I question why you didn't write out the scriptures of Tim. I had to go and look it up. In fact, when I did look it up, I didn't see a connection to the scriptures and working. What am I missing?

At any rate, I really like the topic, though I felt that there were several topics overlapping. I don't know how purity fit in all this. I would have liked to see a connection there . I know there are a lot of bible verses to support what you are saying. I suggest adding them in and adding evidence in to support your statements. The reader wants to believe you. I love these kind of topics. It really shows how much we are in need of God's grace and forgiveness. Mankind is pathetic when you think about all of God's workings. I always have to remember, Jesus didn't come to save the righteous, He came to save the sinners.


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In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is just a practice review. I must have at least 250 characters in this review, and the review must be made public, and I must affiliate it to the DWG group in order for you to be able to credit this review with GPs. This review will show you how to give credit/gift points to someone who has affiliated their review to your group. You cannot credit the other reviews that have been affiliated to your group because the reviews were affiliated more than 14 days ago. You can only credit reviews that have been affiliated to your group less than 14 days.
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Review of "Mother's Knife"  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a Rising Stars M2M review from Itchy Water. This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


*Pencil* WHY I CHOSE THIS PIECE: *Pencil*

*Right*I have written my fair share of poetry about parental abuse; whenever I get the chance, I like to read the poems that other people have written on the topic.

*Pencil* FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *Pencil*

*Right*This poem is both ugly and beautiful. It tells of the horrific effects that a "Mother's" words can produce, yet laid out is the therapeutic written word, expression, of a grown child's pain. When there's nowhere else to turn, we turn to pen and paper for it seems to understand.

*Pencil* MY FAVORITE PARTS: *Pencil*

Eternity passes as the little girl ages
Yet now still present
As if the clock stopped ticking-

*Right*These verses are brilliantly laid out. The imagery of the clock leaves no doubt. Bravo!

SUGGESTIONS:

*Pencil* TITLE: *Pencil*

*Right*The title is the first thing a potential reader is going to see. It must "grab" their attention, making them want to read the poem. Your title does just that. It represents the poem well and is capturing. However, there is one thing I wonder about, in the poem, you used quotations around "Mother's Knife", I wonder if you should do that in the title as well. Just a thought.

*Pencil* STRUCTURE: *Pencil*

*Right*The structure of this poem is great. It would be a completely different poem if you wrote this in stanzas. I love how you did this. Very Creative!

*Pencil*IMAGERY:*Pencil*

*Right*The imagery is great! You make the reader hear, see and feel the emotion and pain.

*Pencil*GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SPELLING:*Pencil*

*Right*There is little punctuation in the poem. Poetry is the only language that does not require punctuation. However, this poem might benefit from using it. Just a thought.


Swollen, red, flesh; covered each day
*Right*I'm not so sure that the semicolon is appropriate here, in fact, I don't believe any punctuation should be used in that spot.


Like the steel of MY “Mother’s knife”
*Right*I don't understand why "MY" is in all caps. Also, I think the word "Mother" should be lowercased here because you have the word "my" preceding it. You are not using it as a pronoun.

*Pencil* FLOW/RHYTHM/RHYME: *Pencil*

*Right*This poem did not need rhyme, relying on its emotional impact. It was a bit choppy in places but overall the flow was good.

OVERALL:

*Right*This is a well-written poem exploding with emotion. The tone is consistent through out, a bit helpless and damaged. I can't help but wonder why the word "mother" was used in quotations. Was this a foster/adoptive mother, or did the person just dissociate themselves so much from their mother that they did not consider that person to be their mother? Regardless, the poem definitely struck a chord with me. The ending--brilliant. Thanks for letting me read your piece.

I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*



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In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a Rising Stars M2M review from Itchy Water. This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


*Pencil* WHY I CHOSE THIS PIECE: *Pencil*

*Right*I read a review for your poem from the Public Review and thought this would be an interesting read. I was right. I am very glad I found this gem.

*Pencil* FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *Pencil*

*Right*My first impression is somewhat of awe. I am blown away with the creativity of this piece.

*Pencil* MY FAVORITE PARTS: *Pencil*

*Right*I love it all, but I would have to say my favorite part of the poem is the creativity you used in showing the reader how the placement of wording affects the meaning. You did this in a brilliant "showing not telling" way.

SUGGESTIONS:

*Pencil* TITLE: *Pencil*

*Right* The title is the first thing a potential reader is going to see. It must "grab" their attention, making them want to read the poem. I like your title but a period should not be used in a title. I suggest omitting the period. I also suggest capitalizing the main words from "How to read a poem." to "How to Read a Poem"

*Pencil* STRUCTURE: *Pencil*

*Right*I have never seen a poem implement structure like you did. You told a story with in a story by using structure. Very well done!

*Pencil*CLARITY/TONE: *Pencil*

*Right*I feel that the tone is somewhat playful, yet informative. There is a catchiness to it.

*Pencil*GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SPELLING:*Pencil*

*Right*I really liked the fact that you used punctuation in the poem. It is practically flawless. However, there are several instances where you ask a question and the sentence is closed with a period instead of a question mark.

*Pencil* FLOW/RHYTHM/RHYME: *Pencil*

*Right*The pace was very good. You have a good beginning, middle and ending. Great Job!

OVERALL:

*Right*In poetry, what you say is important. How you say it is equally important. This poem reminds every poet out there that. After reading this, I am persuaded to go back into my port and check my poems to see if I can't better communicate my messages.

I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*



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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a review from Itchy Water for the final challenge of the Halloween's Final Hour Contest. The prompt was to write about a party that had been organized for Halloween, and to include some aspect of mystery occurring in the party. *Ghost*


*Buttonb*The dialogue helps the storyline move along. You did a great job with the dialogue. The characterization is very clear.

*Buttonv*Your skill at description is incredible. The details of the setting made reading the story very enjoyable; I felt as if I was walking into the party with the police.

*Buttonr*You squeeze a lot of drama and conflict into this short story. There's the conflict of the police entering a party full of murderers and the need to be concealed. The conflict of trying to obtain confessions from the murderers. The conflict of the first murder. The conflict of the murder of Balthazar. The conflict of seeing a ghost. There is just too much for such a short story. I feel as though all this conflict should be told in a longer story in order to give it justice.

*Buttonp*Following the prompt, you have the Halloween party, and you have the mystery of who killed and ripped open the two people. I would have liked to seen the mystery played out a bit longer.

*Buttont*The part about torturing Balthazar was confusing. The part about not torturing him there and taking him somewhere where he couldn't die and "the act of bringing him back here that killed him" I'm not sure I understand. Is there a time gap?

*Buttong*"...I'm a murderer, in life and again in death." This has to be my favorite line *Thumbsup*

*Buttonbr*The last paragraph, the ending, only leaves me with questions. First, why would they say "Let's just cuff him." when they know he is a ghost? After all, they tried to shoot him and the bullets when right through him. Secondly, why did the police shoot themselves? Why were they unable to stop themselves? Did the ghost have special powers to force others to do things they would not do?

*Buttono*Overall, I think you have a great story here, but I think it should be expanded giving each scene much more attention. This story signifies your excellent imagination.

I truly enjoyed reading your story.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi JuniorWriter. I thought I'd stop by your port and take a look around. I saw this title and had to take a look. I had never heard of an Infinitive Poem. What is it? Please do tell. I tried looking it up online and that was fruitless. I do know that it has a Russian history of some sort because many of the sites I pulled up were in Russian.

I do like your poem for this reason, it really makes the reader hear, see, and feel the experience. You bring the reader through every process of the each moment. I think I might try something like this. However, in your poem, there was one thing that I thought might have been out of order. The first thing you did was put on your skates. I'm not sure, but I think this would have been done after you put on your jacket and after you opened the doors to go into the skating rink. I also think it would be good if you could provide more detail about the exercises and motions.
Oh, and to provide an ending. Something like. To finish my exercises. To skate toward the carpet. To walk instead of skate. To sit down on the bench. To take my skates off. (as you can tell, I really like this form)*Smile*

But I think you did a great job with writing about the "to's "of skating. I really enjoyed reading it. I really liked how you incorporated the "cold air" , your fear, and the "cold air" this really brings me their.


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Review of FEELINGS  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello again! This is the second review from Itchy Water.*Smile* This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


*Buttonp*As I was looking through your portfolio, this title, "Feelings", caught my attention. I've read the poem several times over to get a good understanding of the mood, tone and overall meaning. I've come to the opinion (only my opinion) that the title "Feelings" doesn't fit the poem. Though the poem touches upon certain feelings, it really doesn't address the wide spectrum of feelings I was expecting. It only touches upon one feeling, hurt feelings caused by friendship. The poem is mostly about betrayal in friendships. I would consider changing or modifying the title, maybe "Hurt Feelings".

*Buttonb*The first stanza is somewhat confusing to me and it contradicts the second stanza. The 3rd line in the first stanza says "My feelings won't change due to what is said." Then in the second stanza you start off saying "I hurt just like others do," You are painting two different pictures. The first picture is of a stone cold person who can withstand the backstabbing of a friend and their feelings don't change. The second picture is of a person who hurts at betrayal and would rather dismiss the friendship and be alone.

*Buttonbr*I suggest adding the word "I" to "would rather be alone." I'm not sure if this is a typo or not, but I believe it should read "but if dishonesty and betrayal come, I would rather be alone."

*Buttonv*I suggest adding the word "ever" to the phrase "and if I'm wrong" so it would be "and if I'm ever wrong,". The way it is written now makes it sound like you might be wrong about having an open heart to genuine friends.

*Buttonr*I think the rhyme in the poem adds another dimension to it. The rhymes are not perfect rhymes but they work. However, there are two words that do not rhyme at all and they are "anyone" and "gone".

*Buttont*I think the verse "You may wonder why I'm writing this piece" significantly takes away from your poem. I would strongly consider rewriting something else for this verse. There are so many words that rhyme with disease that are applicable to friendship and trust, words like: please, displease, appease, worries, trusties, stories, softies, tease, rubies, sissies, pansies, follies, dummies, duties, floozies, cooties, agrees, boundaries....and so many more.

*Buttong*Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem, but my opinion is, it needs a little editing. "lack of trust is a disease" is quite a statement to end the poem on. I don't think the poem proved that statement. I think the flow is good but the the tone is off by the contradicting statements. Perhaps I am just reading it in the wrong frame of mind. But I come to you simply as a reader, someone with opinions and so I have spilled out all my thoughts and hope that some of my comments have been helpful.

I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*
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Review of I WONDER  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello, SHERRI GIBSON , you have won a review package from me in the Need Help With An Upgrade Fall Festival Auction.*Smile* This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work.*Heart* You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.


*Buttonp*The title and the description caught my attention. "Looking at the world in wonderment" is a great way to describe this poem. It is also a very catchy description.

*Buttonb*The poem starts off with a brilliant simile using great imagery. But the third and fourth lines of the first stanza don't seem to fit. I suggest changing the word "Disbelief" to "Numbness" because a numb person would struggle to find their true self. Also because people don't disbelieve that tragedy is occurring, people just become numb to it.

*Buttonv*I love how you include "our children" in the poem. You not only look to today or the past, but you look to the future and wonder what and how our happenings will effect our children.

*Buttonr*"I wonder who’ll listen to the truth or who even cares" This is my favorite verse in the poem. Today, the news is not about the news. It is about ratings. The news has become a source of entertainment. If you want real news you have to go to the Associated Press Website, or even the United Nations Website. If you want local news, you have to read the local newspaper (which is filled with entertainment jargon).

*Buttont*I can relate to the never ending wonderment. I think that is why we are writers. But to wonder about truely being free and about all the possibilities, well, that takes an amazing mind to contemplate those things.

*Buttong*A very wise man once said, "To whom much is given, much is required." So, the more you wonder, the more you will feel. I understand your feelings of helplessness and anger. "I know not what to do, I just don't know" this is a beautiful verse. This tells me that you would do anything if only you knew what it was.

*Buttonp*You wonder why you wonder and it keeps you up at night. You want so bad for things to be the same, however, the truth is, nothing remains the same. So you keep on wondering.

*Buttonbr*Overall, you have a powerful poem. A poem that I can relate to. I understand your frustration. It's like the world is spiraling downward and you see it happening right before your eyes. But there is nothing you can do to stop it and the people in power who have the power are not doing anything to stop it.


I truly enjoyed reading your poem.*Heart* I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement.*Bird* May you decide what is best for your work.*Idea*


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