DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
>
>
> TITLE: Suits this poem and sets the tone
>
> IMAGERY: Vividly inspiring and graphically saddening
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: Oh the tongue. It can kill. Or give gifts beyond this world's treasures. I felt the regret the poet expressed, and choose to be challenged to choose my words well. But that tongue is so hard to control
>
> TONE: I hear regret repeated in so many various descriptions.
> SPELLING ERRORS: None noted.
>
> FLOW: The cadence was smooth as the key line repeated each stanza.
>
> OVERALL: Not a happy poem, this poem is a challenge I hope to learn from.
Write On!
And many thanks to you for your tireless work in October!
Deb
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
>
>
> TITLE: Spot on.
>
> IMAGERY: Effective in painting the contrast between the founders' vision and goal and the current state of The Hill.
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: Challenged this reader to pray for our elected leaders. We've come so far from the early motives of civil servants, it seems.
>
> TONE: Straightforward, almost a charge it you had more lines to give us the rally cry.
> SPELLING ERRORS: none noted.
>
> FLOW: well, I am unfamiliar with the roundeau, so my ears heard rhyme and my tongue didn't know what to do with the varying lines...
>
> OVERALL: Well done! Good use of the challenge to write a political poem. Thoughtful and well written.
Write On!
Deb
Hi, Superpower Reviewers,
I have been reviewing solo for a number of years, and would love to join your group to spur on my ability to give super-useful reviews.
Loved the intro video!
Well done!
Please send me an email giving me instructions to join this group!
A little bird, or your bio, told me your birthday is soon. Since I don't have a birthday symbol, I chose to use my review template for anniversary reviews. I hope you are not offended as I wish you a Happy Birthday!
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
>
>
> TITLE: Suitable to these lyrics, without a doubt.
>
> IMAGERY: Loved the images of lace and breezes, a love of great tenderness.
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I had the impression of reading a love song which flowed and sashayed with the feeling of a lover's waltz. Don't know what the melody would be, but to my ear, it was waltz-like.
>
> TONE: Mourning the absence of Toressa, beloved, the memories are tender of her sighs that whisper and her gentle touch.
> SPELLING ERRORS: None noted.
>
> FLOW: Sounded good to this reader's ears.
>
> OVERALL: I am glad I stumbled upon your portfolio and these lyrics.
Write On!
Deb
Pepper,
Thank you for sharing this vivid account of your relationship with your dad.
It is moving and I feel the depth of sadness for the harm alcohol did to him, you, and your mom. It stole his life physically (likely) and stole your love and precious memories.
I hope time has allowed the pain to soften, scars to form that are less tender, and you to let go of regret.
I have no suggestions. How could I?
You have painted an image with great clarity and love.
Write On!
Deb
Howdy, Pony Tale,
Wandered over to your port and ambled into this folder of poetry the horses had not reached.
I am grateful I found it, for this poem is petite but well written.
Nice balance of rhyme and rhythm while the poet shares some unknown expressions with the reader.
I have no suggestions, simply continue to
Write On!
Deb
Hi, Stormy,
Thank you for sharing your creativity here.
The imagery is sharp in this little poem. I see Night riding in, stealing the day, and painting the world black.
I have only one suggestion, since you refer to Night as he in line one, would you also refer to Night as he/his in line six?
Overall, I really liked this vivid poem.
Write On!
Deb (a fellow empty-nester)
Thank you for sharing this thoughtful poem.
My comments are meant only to improve how the reader receives this important message:
I suggest you remove the title of the poem from the body of the poem, it is appears to be part of the first stanza as you have it now.
I suggest you add a space between stanza three and four to keep help with the flow of reading the poem.
Other than those small changes, I think your message is clearly stated, and your imagery is very good.
Personal Impression: The poet's choice of title is good, fitting to the poem, I hear the message of hurt, and resilience in this "fighter". The message is strong. Tone & Mood: Solemn expressions of hurt, tears, and strength Rhyme, Form & Flow: Though you use end rhyme, the line lengths vary which interrupts the flow when this is read. Perhaps re-work the lines to even them out for better flow.
I would also suggest using the first two lines of the second stanza as a chorus, perhaps. Separate them from stanza two and repeat them perhaps between stanza two and three, and again between stanza three and four? Emotional Impact: I resonate with the sadness, pain of hurt, but am encouraged by the strength to fight on. Grammar/Punctuation: Stanza one, line two should be "little did she know herself".
Overall, good emotion, a great start on expressing these thoughts.
Thank you for posting a poem of encouragement, contrary to it's lead in.
I appreciate the path this poem took from the consequences of believing nothing one hears...to stating that will not work for the poet.
Well written, I liked the sound of the rhymes in my ear.
Hi, Makalia,
Thank you for sharing this thoughtful and somber poem.
Your imagery is moving and well described.
I see you list it as a poem, so I am responding to it as a poem.
With all of the positive elements you have, it would read much easier if you divide up the lines to guide the reader when to pause, and to catch some of the rhyme you have used.
Following is a suggestion, only a suggestion of how you could break up the lines to read more easily as a poem.
Overall, I moving poem!
Write On!
Deb
When you lay down to sleep each night,
your mind wanders into the yonder
far into war where heaven lies
a beautiful sunset on the horizon.
The colors paint the sky to match your eyes
a blueish green, sharp and keen.
The flowers below the soldiers that fall
a soft yellow bed they rest their heads.
Blood stains bright on uniforms bold
you from a distance watch metals shine gold.
They did this for me, my family, my sisters.
They fought and died with our fairest wishes.
It doesn't make sense, these men so brave
died for one thing, the freedom we crave.
Personal Impression: I felt a "Cat in the Hat" deja vu coming on at the start of this brief story, and was gratified by the twist it contained. Tone & Mood: Ranging from contented, to concerned to solidly elated the mood was suitable to the flow of this tale. Emotional Impact: I felt the awed relief of the protagonist as help arrived, and I smiled at the pleasant ending. This was a satisfying brief story. Grammar/Punctuation: No errors noted.
Dear Me,
This is not a piece for iluvhorses to review.
It is your letter, and I am thankful to have read it.
Thank you for sharing your letter here.
And I hope you listen to myself and I and do all you have set before you this year!
Tink,
Great letter to self!
Sounds like 2017 was a year to remember, and hopefully not relive.
I wish you well as you seek to meet the goals you have set for yourself in 2018.
Most especially, I hope you do write, write, write.
That is a goal I could/should add for myself.
It is life giving!
Write ON!
Deb
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
>
>
> TITLE: Suitable to this piece.
>
> IMAGERY: I can see the author hunched over a writing pad, pen in hand staring at the blank page, and I want to cry, "Just do it! Just write anything, without judgment..." If only the author could hear me.
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I sense frustration, fear, and am familiar with these feelings.
>
> TONE: Again, to my ear I hear frustration, even anger at self for not simply starting to write. You can do it!
> SPELLING ERRORS: One spelling error noted: Second paragraph, second line "a vert" should probably be "a very". One other comment, is the date supposed to be January 5 of 2018, not 2017?
>
> FLOW: This piece read well, perhaps a little stream of consciousness, but it is suitable to the subject.
>
> OVERALL: I get it! Check out "Right to write" "Artist's Way" and/or "Bird by Bird" all good books to stir up the muse. And then talk back to that inner critic, because you are a good writer. Oh, and you can post items from your blog here as statics. I have done that, and it works well also. The audience is different here than for a blog. Hope this helps!
Write On!
Personal Impression: This is a piece I would love to hear you speak aloud, I believe. The content is thoughtful. Tone & Mood: Fresh-faced almost blunt, I see the poet raise a hand and say, "don't speak..." Rhyme, Form & Flow: This free form poem has no apparent rhyme, the repeated first and last stanza is powerful, for things don't have to be what they seem. Emotional Impact: I feel reflective, a bit melancholy after reading this, but am looking for a hint of hope in the final lines. Grammar/Punctuation: This poem is without punctuation, No grammar errors noted which we would effect the piece.
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
TITLE: Suits this poem and sets the tone
IMAGERY: Vividly inspiring and graphically saddening
EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: Oh the tongue. It can kill. Or give gifts beyond this world's treasures. I felt the regret the poet expressed, and choose to be challenged to choose my words well. But that tongue is so hard to control
TONE: I hear regret repeated in so many various descriptions.
SPELLING ERRORS: None noted.
FLOW: The cadence was smooth as the key line repeated each stanza.
Personal Impression: The poet's choice of title is good, fitting to the poem, I hear the message of hurt, and resilience in this "fighter". The message is strong.
Tone & Mood: Solemn expressions of hurt, tears, and strength
Rhyme, Form & Flow: Though you use end rhyme, the line lengths vary which interrupts the flow when this is read. Perhaps re-work the lines to even them out for better flow.
Emotional Impact: I resonate with the sadness, pain of hurt, but am encouraged by the strength to fight on.
Grammar/Punctuation: Stanza one, line two should be "little did she know herself". 
Write On!![An image donated by [Link To User legerdemain] for use with Anniversary Reviews](https://www.writing.com/main/images/action/display/ver/1349548258/item_id/1893181.jpg "Anniversary Reviews Image2 [#1893181]
An image donated by [Link To User legerdemain] for use with Anniversary Reviews")