Prosperous Snow,
this brief free verse poem has an appropriate, and grabbing title. I imagined darkness lying in wait for prey, as well as Darkness Lying to you minds.
The poem captures the mood of depression, in my experience, but the last two lines do uplift, slightly.
I would like more encouragement, but that is my opinion, and perhaps the voice of my darkness needing to be drowned out with more of faith's light.
over all a very good poem.
Thank you for sharing.
Write on!
Deb
wkaufman,
This poem is tough reading on a heavy hearted subject. I so resonate with the subject's despair, but long for a respite for her.
The poem is appropriately titled as the final stanza introduces the familiar. The rhyming pattern was regular but alternating between the stanzas, giving the poem an uneven flow. The unevenness is very appropriate to the state of mind of the main character.
This poem hits the mark, for a sad, dark tale.
write on,
Deb
abcdemily,
This is a sweet, touching love poem to a special friend, a horse.
I, too, love horses! I wrote a short story of flying on my favorite horse, Valentine.
I agree with your thoughts, and am warmed by the affection you expressed in this poem.
I do have a couple spelling suggestions: weather should be whether. in the last line the space between for my (fo rmy) should be changed.
Write On! Keep expressing your thoughts, and passions!
Deb
This poem is a sweet, encouragement to one struggling with depression/anxiety.
The imagery of sunset, and eventually the beauty of the night stars dancing is quite uplifting.
The imagery alone would be cause to pause and smile, but the caring thoughts expressed are a
welcome prayer of love to someone dear.
Thank you for sharing.
I was encouraged by reading this.
I have no suggestions for this free form poem.
Write On!
Deb
ChuChuRocker,
This poem is replete with imagery, I especially liked the descriptions of rain/ storm as horses hooves.
How beautiful to watch and hear the storm with the writer, and see the earth re-awaken after the wild storm passes.
It was a precious interjection that this storm took place as the subject cradled her unborn child. I resonate with that image of protecting our children as they grow within us.
I have no suggestions, this is a powerful, short piece.
Write on!
Deb
Excellent and thought-provoking poem.
Thank you for sharing it.
I am intrigued and challenged by this form of poetry.
I have no suggestions for change...
Deb
George,
This Haiku was very enjoyable to read. It highlights so vividly each season, or creature associated with the season.
I am new to poetry, and was searching for examples of the form. This seems to be very well done.
I like the last words of each stanza, they do achieve the little change of direction that I understand a Haiku should have.
I am inspired to try my hand again at Haiku because of this poem.
Thank you for sharing it.
Write On!
Deb
Straightforward poem, this spoke to me of rising to the challenges of dealing with life, and the people in our lives.
I felt like it was a punch in the arm to stiffen up and keep on keepin' on.
I have two small suggestions: you're should be your in the fourth line, and I believe there should be a period at the end of deceit.
I enjoyed this poem like a cup of hot, strong black coffee before heading off to work in the dark of a cold morning.
Write on!
Deb
This essay is well laid out. It leads the reader to contemplate our influence on each person we meet.
Thank you for sharing this piece.
I see no errors in spelling, and have no suggestions other than:
Write On!
Deb
PJB,
Thank you for sharing this beautiful and moving poem of love and loss and hope.
I am touched by the imagery of sea, and sky. The description of your beautiful queen.
Well used words, and rhymes I enjoyed reading this poem.
I have no suggestions for changes, I don't see any errors.
Write On!
Deb
This little poem is a wonderful picture of safety in God.
Thank you for sharing it.
I suggest that his should be capitalized in the fifth line,
and GODS should be GOD'S in the title.
This is a precious truth to hang on to.
Write On!
Deb
Itchy Water,
Good viisualization of the art demanding expression through the artist.
I almost envy the artist in this piece... my mind is too quiet some days.
Thank you for sharing, I have no suggestions other than...
Write On!
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
>
> TITLE: Very appropriate, and oh so true.
>
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: This short story of Kellye's life brought pain to my heart, I ache for all those hurt by adoption, an imperfect solution for a difficult problem. All members of the triad lose: birthfamilies, Adoptive families, and especially Adoptees.
>
> TONE: The straightforward narrative of this piece was very appropriate to the subject.
> SPELLING ERRORS: none noted.
>
> FLOW: The story progressed in an understandable, evenly paced manner, good flow.
>
> OVERALL: Painful to read, I pray right now for Kellye and her parents, would love to know if there is a Part Two that is hopeful...?
Very nice treatment of this subject. The flow of drama that Heather goes through at each change is humorous, and frustrating as the parent of now grown children who has been THERE.
There are no apparent spelling errors, and the dialog flows well.
Thank you for sharing. I wondered how this type of prompt would be handled when I saw it in a contest...
Thanks for the demonstration
Write On! Deb
Interesting poll, by the way I would have chosen Depression, and another mood disorder if possible, and have had Anxiety issues also.
Thanks for posting this poll.
Deb
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.>
>
> TITLE: Appropriate to this poem
>
> IMAGERY: a grain of sand for this finite life gives some perspective on its minuteness
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: Joy, for eternal life, somber, for the brief time spent here, and what I am doing with that moment.
> SPELLING ERRORS:none noted
>
> FLOW: As I read this poem it flowed well.
>
> OVERALL: Primarily, I was thoughtful, as I read this, and appreciated the unending quality of infinity as the writer repeated much of the first stanza in the last stanza. Thank you for sharing this piece.
Write On!
Deb
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
> >
> TITLE: N/A
>
> IMAGERY: vivid: brush/painting for writing.
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: This piece is brief, yet, it struck me with the sadness, we/I can find when I vent the darker emotions in my head.
>
> TONE: suitable to the subject
> SPELLING ERRORS: none noted.
>
> FLOW: The flow was disjointed, I think, by the use of "beautiful" to describe the words the writer paints with. perhaps something less "up" would be consistent with the following sentences.
>
> OVERALL: Thoughtful short piece of introspection, reflection, thank you for sharing it.
Write On!
Deb
Thank you for sharing this short story.
The descriptions were detailed, and interesting, however, in the first paragraph "with" was over used in my opinion, and became somewhat distracting from the details.
I was intrigued by the characters: Leslie and her obvious anxiety, and Gracey, whose generosity conceals some plan.... I am curious to know what she intends when Leslie brings her daughter to Gracey's home on Saturday. An interesting place to leave us hanging.
Overall, You have a good amount of description in this piece which helped to picture the setting, and Leslie.
Thank you for sharing.
Write On!
Deb
Title is so appropriate to the point of this short vignette.
The character of Sally is developed in not only her persistance, but the sound advice that it appears she has given repeatedly to her grandson.
Nice twist when the reader realizes who is learning to ride.
Very enjoyable, well written.
Write on!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/debmach/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 8:11am on Apr 19, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Imagery: Too true of all the places that our unneccessary stuff collects!
This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
TITLE: Very appropriate, and oh so true.
EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: This short story of Kellye's life brought pain to my heart, I ache for all those hurt by adoption, an imperfect solution for a difficult problem. All members of the triad lose: birthfamilies, Adoptive families, and especially Adoptees.
TONE: The straightforward narrative of this piece was very appropriate to the subject.
SPELLING ERRORS: none noted.
FLOW: The story progressed in an understandable, evenly paced manner, good flow.
OVERALL: Painful to read, I pray right now for Kellye and her parents, would love to know if there is a Part Two that is hopeful...?
Deb
IMAGERY: a grain of sand for this finite life gives some perspective on its minuteness