These are my opinions only, sent to encourage you and respect the piece of you that is shared here.
The Title is good with this poem.
The rhymes and lines flow well to my ear.
Emotional response: It took me back to romances/ relationships that did not survive ,and brought to mind vividly the sorrow, the torment, the loss, loneliness.
Well Done!
Write ON and keep sharing.
Deb
Great Poem!
I love Acrostics, have written half a dozen, and just was starting to try a mirrored Acrostic... did not know it was a form.
Well done, fun and informative.
I hope Fred and Coco are still doing well.
Write On!
Deb
These are only my opinions:
I too am a cat owner, this piece spoke to me of their eccentricities.
The Title was appropriate, and eye catching.
The imagery of what the cat may be seeing is humorous.
My only suggestion is a small change in the first paragraph: you use "because" twice in the same sentence, eliminating, or change one of them would be less awkward to read.
Overall pleasant, humorous description of life with a cat.
Write On!
Deb
Thank you for sharing this piece of prose.
The Title is suitable to the piece.
The build up of tension between the characters, and the wife's internal conflict carried me (the reader) along through the piece.
Spelling/Grammar errors: I question the purpose of the final I in this piece.
Overall impression: Interesting brief piece of relationship conflict, sadly the final conclusion is weak... but that suits the Title "Maybe"
An aside: Someone with an ongoing problem or addiction is like a person drowning in a river. You can throw them a life-preserver, but they have to reach out for the help.
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
>
>
> TITLE: Quite suitable to this poem.
>
> IMAGERY: The imagery of playing joyfully, then loss when "the angels took my son away" is descriptive and vivid
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I followed this poem as it wove from joyous memories, to sorrow, to remembering the lost joy, with tears in my eyes.
>
> SPELLING ERRORS: none noted.
>
> FLOW: Smooth flow of rhythm and rhyme, easy to read and follow.
>
> OVERALL: Well-written poem of loss and memories. I can not say "enjoyable" but I will say very moving, and touching.
Very thought provoking, brief poem.
I read it several times, and slowly absorbed the picture.
It is a good one to savor slowly, but then it becomes a memory...
Nice poem.
: )
Write On!
Deb
Very touching poem for Christine.
I appreciate the well-rounded thoughts, and descriptions of your wife's impact on your life.
May you celebrate your companionship for a long time.
I have no suggestions for improvement.
These are my opinions only.
Thank you for sharing this poem.
The title piqued my interest, and the poem led me on a little journey to see your child "that never dies"
The lines seem to flow well, and when read outloud, I could hear the rhythm and the rhyme.
I have no suggestions for improvement, this was an interesting, and introspective poem.
Write on!
These are my opinions only.
Title: suitable, and a good hook to bring me into the poem.
Flow: I didn't find a consistent flow or rhythm as I read this, but the subject matter was appropriate for irregularity, even choppiness.
Imagery: Shoebox, pandora's box, fake smiles all drew pictures illustrating these sad memories.
Overall response: This poem was moving emotionally, I followed the saddness, betrayal, and hopelessness of the primary character throughout.
Very catchy title, appropriate for this poem.
I enjoyed this poem as I could feel the anger of a simple conflict, I appreciated the simple resolution: separate blankets.
Rhyme: nice, and as I read this poem it flowed well.
A suggestiont to correct a few small errors: 'til, separate, how much longer, and I don't think the ? useful after sleep.
This are just my suggestions.
This is a great venting poem.... far better choice than punching in the face. : )
Write on!
Deb
The title of this poem was appropriate.
The ending surprising, and poignant.
A brief poem, this evoked many emotional responses in me as I read it.
Write On!
Deb
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
>
>
> TITLE: Very appropriate as the poem illustrates what Synesthesia is to the writer
>
> IMAGERY: Beautiful mix of color descriptions, and nature and music.
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I enjoyed this poem as it took me into the mind of the musician to see what she sees
>
> SPELLING ERRORS: None noted.
>
> FLOW: Good flow.
>
> OVERALL: I searched for writing dealing with Synesthesia, and this filled my palate (artistically speaking as well as appetite speaking. )
Vanillafire,
This poem to a mentor is moving, descriptive of the growth of the mentoring relationship, and clear about the fact that it is hard to open up again and again to someone new.
I was struck by the flow of growth, and the return to change at the end of this piece.
Yes, life is change, and it is harder for some of us than for others.
Thank you for opening up and sharing this piece.
Write on!
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
author's work. I am not an English grammar scholar, so suggestions are just as I understand writing.
TITLE: Suitable as an theme of most of this essay.
IMAGERY: Well done with description of scents of flowers, the wedding dress details.
EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I connected with the main character. It is so easy to be lead by others, however, I was confused by the reluctance the bride had to marry, then the statement that the couple were happy for a long time?
TONE: Somewhat somber, though the children as joy lifted the tone a little.
SPELLING ERRORS: aisle, not isle
GRAMMAR ERRORS: a comma after "no matter" comma before " I guess"
FLOW: This was a reader's digest essay of a marriage, a large amount of time, space was given to the wedding. That suits the title, but leaves the rest of the marriage feeling like an afterthought, in my opinion.
OVERALL: I was drawn to the bride/wife/mother in this piece as her life is so influenced by others wants, needs. It left me a little sad.
This essay on therapy sessions is insightful, interesting, and quite true-to-life in my experience.
The author gives a detailed, and likeable portrait of the therapist, and it is not possible to dislike his liking himself.
What an odd sentence to compose. But also what a foreign idea to embrace: It is ok to like ourselves, love ourselves, as we love others and accept love from others. Why does it seem so difficult to get the balance right?
I guess that is a question for another session.
Helpful, well-written.
Thank you for sharing.
Write On!
Deb
The flow of words, pictures and rhyme in this poem took the reader from the grey gloom into the clear night sky and finally to the peace found in a whisper. Quite a journey of internal exploration.
I have no suggestions for improvement, I just enjoyed reading it and am inspired by it to reflect further myself.
Thank you for sharing.
Deb
This was an interesting story that takes the reader to the beauty, sights, and smells of Puerto Rico.
It is descriptive, and quitely engaging.
A distraction, however, are several spelling errors, and unclear word usages.
I suggest a spell check, or a friendly editor to clear up the errors, and let this pleasant story show through.
A few errors that I noticed were: afternoon,
gentley is gently, mammel is spelled mammal, separately, booty, my cache instead of me cache.
nothing more, instead of nothing anymore is clearer.
I don't understand 2 for us 2... like lovely, should be lovely (omit like)
Michael,
I truly appreciate this article. I have not been a member of WDC for long, however, I joined to be read and reviewed.
I hungered to have readers respond to my work.
I have received many very helpful reviews, as well as one unhelpful, low rated review from a 16 year old...(I digress.)
I also make it a point to thank each reader who reviews my work. I daily check how many have viewed my work, rated my work and reviewed it. I am at about 1 in 12 viewers taking the time to read, rate, and review a piece. They are so deserving of thanks for their time and consideration to me.
Thank you for putting this out there.
I hope everyone reads it!
I also have sent 130+ reviews (not super indepth, but at least sharing my response to the piece), and received far less than half in response for the review.
WRITE ON!
This piece drew my attention with the word "coffee", and then kept it as I tagged along on the apparently stream of conciousness writing of the next line or two.
Who hasn't been tempted to toss away all the numbers stored in our minds for a simpler life?
Certainly not the Starbucks crowd, do you agree?
I enjoyed the round about from comical "designer" coffees to a simple "coffee please!"
My only suggestion is to either eliminate "be" in the last line or change "boil" to "boiled."
I like the rhyme scheme, it was carried through the poem well.
This poem struck me with its descriptions and the point of view of the author in relation to the Illusion of Jazz brings me/the reader alongside to desire to reach out and help also.
The title of this short story caught my attention as did the brief description. I appreciated the comparisons between the women and the allusion to Denise heading down a road of being removed from the world by her grief.
I was moved by each woman's loss of a son, and the descriptions of the storm were very vivid.
I have no suggestions for changes, however, I am curious to know how their future interaction will/would change each of the women.
You not only caught my attention, but gave me a hunger, and interest for more of this story.
Write on!
This short story of a unique love relationship was moving, and the characters, though only present briefly were filled in well with details. I was drawn into the thoughts of this woman dying of cancer, and having a revelation of her husband's unbounding faithfulness and her love for him.
How poignantly described, and sadly completed.
A compelling story.
A couple suggestions that I have are in regards to spelling typos: poor should be pore, "she said agreed without hesitation" needs clarifying. too many years to live though alone should be through. I believe the two times you write she lay, should be she lays.
Again, I really appreciated reading this vignette.
Write On!
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