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Review Requests: OFF
672 Public Reviews Given
673 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest, for the most part. Not hurtful, for the most part. In other words I'll try to be straight up but not step on you face while I'm about it. Oh, by the way, this points business confuses me. I don't want to charge for a review. If I have the points in the bank I'll refund you 900. Why I'm required to ask 1000 is past my understanding.
I'm good at...
Not much. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, most of the mechanical stuff. Good eye for composition. I read a lot and I can give you a reader's opinion. Most good reviews are a fresh eye.
Favorite Genres
western, sci fi , detective, general or literary fiction
Least Favorite Genres
erotica
Favorite Item Types
what, pray tell, is an "item type"?
Least Favorite Item Types
See above
I will not review...
stories about kangaroos
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
26
26
Review of The Search  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is not clear enough to me that I can attach some greater, metaphorical meaning to the poem. I do know that had I been the poet I would not have used knight and night in the same like bookends. I might have used twilight or gloom to finish the line.
Thanks for sharing.
DC


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27
27
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
Just browsing around wondering what a readability score is and why the law review cares. Rhetorical thought-no need to reply.

A waterfall of tears
when measuring drops of a tearful nature
mesmerizing conception of tears
tears of joy

I read once, by Conan Doyle perhaps, something about deducing the existence of a Niagara from a drop of water, something a scientist or detective might do. What do poets do when seeing the ocean, imagine the tears of a billion lovers?


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28
28
Review by Dee C
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I see you have had 177 previous reviews and that lot felt you deserved an average rating of four stars. Assuming ten per cent of those reviewers were sensible chaps that didn't have their heads inserted asswise, you have probably heard it all - 17 to 18 reviews should be enough. But, here stand I hovering over the keyboard, poised to tell you what you already know.

You had this posted for a year before you modified, once, almost exactly a year later. By the way, you work on you writing at night, or at least post your writing in the wee hours.

Since you have not modified this text for 12 years it is safe to assume you will not ever do so. I hope you can make me out to have my head gripped by my sphincter on this issue, but I doubt it.

The writing is a list of what an author intends to write when he has time. The time stamps on events are book marks , not for the reader but for the writer's convenience, an index of lists, so to speak.

The "outline" is good. The characters, plot development, and pace of events will be fine, once written in an interesting way, without "bullet points" time stamps, and allowing the reader to use his mind to follow your story progress. As typed on the page the author exhibits zero trust in the reader.

Thanks for sharing . I will rate this so as not to disrupt your average.
DC


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29
29
Review of Eyes of Mist  
for entry "1 - Peaceful Days" 
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I won't say I "read" the first chapter so much as scanned it to see what concerned the author enough to invite comment.

While it is expository it shows the unfolding history rather than the pedantic rote list making recitation which I expected from your note to a commentator.

I like the conceit of the book being written before the reader's eyes. It is not a brilliantly original idea, but it is a good workable method that stabilizes the tale, anchors it so to speak, in a trustworthy source. The fact that this source in interesting inhimself is a plus.

Thanks for sharing.

DC


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30
30
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
How much of this chapter reads like an action adventure story and how much seems to be lifted from an architect's sale brochure. Ditto for interior design, too much house and furniture and not enough about the people in the house.

The business that begins with "We need to talk." is anticlimax, he take her into another vast, well described room, and nothing worth writing about happens.

This chapter shows off a house, and lets the reader know Liam does not want to work for his father.


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31
31
Review of Dreams  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for sharing this poem. Suggest the use of "world's" is confusing and since neither a possessive nor plural is indicated "world" may be preferable. The use of "like" seems to weaken or dilute the force of the assertions the "as if" synonym precedes. Suggest omission or rewriting to exclude "like". Football in America is played from end to end and in Briton "side" is the term for the partisan aspect of the team.

Thanks again.
DC


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32
32
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
Consider capitalizing “White House” in line 1 pp 1, and consider omitting either “ridiculed” or “and made fun of” and “tortured “or “tormented” in line 4. The name of the presidential palace is generally considered to be a proper noun and the redundancies of the last line should be apparent. Granted, there is a case to be made for the omission of “bullied” as a synonym of “tormented”, but “bullied” is so specifically accurate I won’t ask you to part with it.

The second paragraph, while true, is so disorganized as to be well nigh unreadable. Suggest: “evil” for “wickedness” as a thing may be evil while wickedness implies a conscious choice by a virus. The usage, “your life at the risk of dying” might profit by being converted to simply “your life at risk.” A writer or reader may not logically assume that elders are necessarily good hearted shirt donators. I, for instance, am a good hearted elder, but my shirt won’t fit another reader and the phrase is a cliché. Consider omitting anything about the young as the paragraph concludes immediately after said mention with a paean to experience which generally excludes the young.

The third paragraph is a place where the writer has the chance to shine by compelling and organized argument. The first sentence translates to: “In hard dangerous times it can be hard and dangerous to be an optimist.” In sentence two the political parties are proper nouns and take capitalization. The third sentence moves from second person to first person and back to second in the next sentence with the understood “you” in “Please don’t (you) give up.” Suggest a consistent point of view and the reiteration of “blame” in the last sentence is a redundancy.

The fourth paragraph assumes that any rational individual with a basic Sunday School education would “care about” or “trust” a lying, false alarm raiser as the writer has asserted. Even the Republican stalwarts acknowledge the man is untruthful.


I will stop here as it is my nap time, but I do hope my comments are helpful. I have no doubts what so ever about the sincerity and truthfulness of your article. I do think it could be made more compelling, and if you feel strongly about what you write you may perceive it your duty to do it in strongest manner possible.

Thank you for sharing.
DC


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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Anna Marie Carlson,
You sent me a note about your aunt who always forgot the punch line to her jokes. I know the feeling, with me - so far - it is names. The actor with the mole, the bird that works along the tree trunk upside down, my congressman, all fall into the black hole where Robert DeNiro, the nuthatch and Mr. Palmer hide from memory.

I like the word "bunghole". Sounds like slang for "B-tt hole". Twain said the best way to raise a child was to put him into a barrel, feed him through the bunghole until he was 18 and then to plug up the hole.

Ever heard of Baxter Black, cowboy poet and large animal veterinarian? Black holds forth on a theory of measurement I love. He contends that the metric system will never catch on because it sounds to communistic. His base unit of capacity is the "Cowfull". It takes two whellbarrows of feed a day to make a cowfull, four spadefulls to the barrow, ect. Funnier when Black describes it; you tube may have an example.

I like it when people and poets aren't afraid to experiment with words. Neologisms and portmanteau words are nice, but any out of the ordinary usage impresses me.

So hi to you aunt and thanks for sharing.
DC


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34
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Review of Silence Is....  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Suggestive and funny, the punch line "conga line" is perfect. I suppose there is a greater meaning wrapped in this comical picture, that something is symbolic of something else. I hope not. I was well satisfied with the joke.
Thank you for sharing,
DC


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35
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Review of beyond dreaming  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Impresses this reader as a love poetically reflected upon in maturity; that of the love and the lover. Suggest you examine "bleed" in line one of stanza two. "I've bled" may be preferable. Like the contrast give as example: little differences juxtaposed against big harmonies. Brilliant.
Thanks for sharing,
DC


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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
"A passionate poem about my true love (prose)."

I read the sentiment, but didn't break into a sweat. Seemed more a poem about passion than a passionate poem, almost voyeuristic. We see you seeing the thing you experience rather than experience through your words the thing itself. Kinda felt cheated, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for sharing .
DC


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37
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Review by Dee C
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I see you have, thus far, two unanimous five star ratings. I'm gonna give you a four because I think you slipped an extra syllable into line two. Ah, what's a spare bit among friends and I don't want to spoil a no hitter with a cheesy bunt down the third base line. So fives all around.
DC


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Review of A Good Meal  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
Loved the rhyme scheme and the meter...hum, I used to know the name of that meter. tetrameter or something, maybe anapestic tetrameter? You could look it up. Makes no one enjoy a poem more - knowing some esoteric tid bit about the form, but it tickles the merde out of teachers and pedantic critics. Thank you for sharing this.
DC


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39
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Review of Chrysalis  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
Metamorphosis in metaphor, all that and implied alliteration too. The image of change, growth, and transfiguration is well handled in moth nature. Do we know it to be a "he"? Universal pronoun, but is it a universal moth/butterfly? Guess it is, if the poet says so. Poet, the God of the page.

Nice words, thanks for sharing.
DC


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40
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Review of Premonition  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Bleeding on the page? You must be a young person. If so, I forgive you your youth: it is a birth defect that we are born so young.

Thank you for the proper noun "Ilingot" Wikipedia has this to say: "An alternative name of this tribe and its language is "Bugkalot". They are known as a tribe of headhunters." Now I know more than before I met you. Gotta love a nation of Bugkalots. Makes the appellation Hottentot seem a tad less pejorative.
Thanks for sharing
DC


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41
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Review of In English  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (5.0)
I do not have even one word of Italian so Puccini does not make sense to me. I don't listen to the operas for the sense. I hear the emotion and I get it, un-translated.


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42
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Review of D is for Monkey  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
In the right context nonsense make sense. Some hint, nudges and prods might help the reader into a proper context for this writing. All that notwithstanding there is much to be said for pure nonsense. "Jabberwockey" is a nonsense poem although the continuing text gives the reader an explanation of terms if not intent.


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43
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Review of The Sky Has Shown  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely pictured, the radiance of the sky contacted against the no color of the less substantially colored clouds. Philistine that I am I anticipated an engine fire and shouts of panic, but you can't have everything, can you? Surprising sky is an alternate titleI suppose.
Thanks for sharing.


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44
44
Review of PUN-ishment  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
I read the foregoing while chuckling more than laughing. I was once forced by my employment to keep company with a compulsive punster, the poor afflicted man could not desist despite the importuning of all of us in the office. We kept strict watch on our wallets as we all suspected he would not "scruple to pick a pocket."
DC


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45
45
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
I, for one, thought it was a delightful story and I am pleased that I read it. With enormous condensation it would make an excellent small illustrated children's book, in the manner of a "Golden Book", if you recall those. I think some attention may be beneficial to the story if the bits of dialogue containing the Moose's name were consistently written to be declarative of the naming of the animal. "Lookout, the moose!" instead of "lookout a moose is loose." The definite article, "the" instead of the indefinite "A." This would be possible in an abridged, illustrated children's' book. Of course it probably won't work in a longer version for older kids. One caution, people who actually live where moose might really visit will probably not be big fans of Lookout the loose moose as they consider a bull moose to be a real danger.


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46
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Review of The Maytag Man  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Short stories are my favorite mind candy. They can be as highly structured as a sonnet or as loose as free verse but like the various forms of poetry they always have some skeleton. Good bones in a story, or a fashion model, or a suspension bridge form the essence of the story, model or bridge.

I prefer to read and write mousetrap stories. A good mousetrap has enticing bait which draws the reader mouse in and leads to a final snap that insures that mouse is caught for eternity, or an hour, which is the eternal attention span of most readers.

Your story, "The Maytag Man" is very close to a mousetrap. It has a "snappy" ending for sure, but is the reader pleased with the ending? If not, why not? Death isn't a problem for readers; neither is injustice, both are fine fodder for the nourishment of stories. I find, in this story, that I am disappointed with the finale'. I think my disappointment lies in the fact that the death is neither justified or ironic. Perhaps I hoped for a Sam Peckinpaw or Ray Bradbury ending, that is to say justice or irony.

Never-the-less, I did enjoy it and thank you for sharing.
DC

PS Two of my favorite mousetraps are by H.H. Munro (Saki). They are "The Open window" and "Sredni Vastar."


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47
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Review of The Sirens.  
Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Hi Sailor"... So it begins in every port of call. The word goes out, "The fleets 'in, hide your women..." We sailors have a terrible reputation, but what can I say it isn't just us you know? The very idea of men deprived for months at sea makes the shore girls anxious to see if the rumors are true. Lash me to the mast I want to hear the siren top 40.


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48
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Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"An American Special Forces Captain returns to his old neighborhood in New York City and finds Serbian gangsters infesting the community. The conflict between the captain and the gangsters begins almost immediately. It escalates until the Captain is going to remove the Serbians, or they are going to kill him. At the same time, the Captain meets an old girlfriend and the relationship is rekindled"



I find this synopsis presented for comment, for which 1500 points are offered. It is really too small a bite to chew on. Swallowed whole it has a pleasant taste, but what else can I say? I, as reader, would be interested to see the inciting incident which starts the conflict between the hero and the gangsters. I hope it will be something I haven't seen before in art of this theme. Something unique, please. Will the girlfriend be literary furniture? Just there to advance the hero theme, the hostage de jure? I hope not.
Thanks for sharing.
DC


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49
49
Review of Mary  
Review by Dee C
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was a good example of a character study. The writing showed the inner workings of the two actors without being didactic, this is t say without holding the readers hand and force feeing information. Writers who trust the reader to understand are real writers as opposed to the typists who feel compelled to simply "tell" a story,

DC


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50
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Review by Dee C
Rated: E | (4.0)
Everything you have said about the high standards athletes are held to is correct. We expect a lot from our heroes and forget they are mere humans, just like we are. We forget that a superhuman high jump or touchdown run is not the essence of the person who performed these miracles. These performances are aspects of the character of the athletes, but only a limited aspect. We should not be so quick to judge the failure of the hero in other parts of human life.
DC


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