*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dejavu/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
Review Requests: OFF
1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 6 7 8 9 -10- 11 12 13 14 15 ... Next
226
226
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

A deeply sad and emotional poem. I felt a strong empathy and despair that this person's only seeming way out was suicide. Images are vivid, poignant and very in tune with the narrator's state of mind. One wants to reach out and embrace her with hope. My only suggestion would be to close the space between lines by one space each to make the piece easier to read and give it a better presentation.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
227
227
Review of Lurking Raven  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

A sad, strong poem about the results and casualties of war. I enjoyed the way thoughts were well planned to flow from verse to verse in this poem, deepening it's emotional impact on readers as it progressed. It leaves one sad and thoughtful, empathic towardsboth soldiers and thier families.
SUGGESTIONS; Commas needed after following to improve flow and presentation;
battlefield, yield [ verseone]
death, until [ verse two]
messenger,quiescent [ verse three]
bone [ verse four]
A poem of strong imagery that holds the reader in thier grasp throughout the piece. *Thumbsup*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
228
228
Review of Room One o' Four  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Sweet and fun, you definately hit both dead on with this one. Slow, soothing rythm, wonderful imagery that opens up the imagination without blatant erotism.
Very subtle and dreamy feeling to this piece, particularly with the repititions about waves. The ending wrapped it up perfectly, sharp, crisp and polished.
FAVORITE LINES; Actually I loved the entire piece, but here's a sample;
In room one o'four.
And the pearls whisper... [ this is my most favorite line, it sets up the poem perfectly with suspense and flair]
Past the gazebo, beyond the moor, [ wonderful imagery]

Punctuation, grammer, spelling and form are all well crafted and I really loved the imagination and originality in this poem.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
229
229
Review of Pain  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Excellent tittle, short, catchy. Descriptive line is compelling and caught my interest instantly.

CONTENTS;*Target* Intense is the first word that comes to mind as I read this story. Your use of the italicised words to begin each new event is intriging and builds tension and drama to the maximum levels. The POV Character's response to the voice is so realistic, readers feel they are living this story.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*The character was so three-dimensional, one wanted to rush in like a white knight of salvation. Dialogue, internal and 'external [ the voice] 'is well crafted, and moves the story forward flawlessly.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Imagery is intense and vivid and places your reader directly into this story scene after scene. Emotion is strong in the character and therefore invokes the same emotions in the reader. *Thumbsup*

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR* WOW, If I named them all, I'd tell the story. Here's a sample;
'Just A Little Further'paragraph and 'Pain Is Weakness'.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
Paragraph Nine, Line One;
My body had [ has] given out on me.
Paragraph Thirteen, Line Twelve;
... gave [ gives] me the strength... [ BOTH these examples show areas where you've switched POV from first to third person.
The ending was a little unsatisifying for me, you left two issues hanging, what broken glass ? Did character survive ? I felt the rest of the story was so strong, a short resolution paragraph of these would end it as strongly as it starts and flows. This way, it feels rather like you got called away and never quite finished writing. [ just my thoughts as I read ]

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A strongly written, intense drama that leaves the reader feeling the pages ran out too soon, beautiful tight, crisp writing and strong, non-author intruding voice set this one apart from the crowd.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
230
230
Review of Conquistador  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*Excellent tittle,descriptive line is good,it made me curious to read the story.

CONTENTS;*Target* A tale of a Conquistador's valiant struggles as he goes on his raid. I found this an incredibly unique plot and storyline, it held my interest throughout and I was sorry to reach the end !
Excellent use of pacing and storyline to build suspence and drama.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR* Strong, easy to visualize characters add to the delight of this story. Although there is no real dialogue, the narrative exposition goes a long way to rivet reader interest and make this story as real as making a cup of tea.

IMAGERY; EMOTION;*BurstR* Wonderful imagery lets readers step right into the scene and the emotional highs and lows allow one to experience everything the characters feel. Very well crafted descriptions.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*
Old light. Tired light.
A crescent moon slides west like a silver scythe down the jagged spine of the mountains.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*
'... grudge the sun...'[ begrudge reads better here.]
'Beautiful gold eyes.'[ golden reads smoother]
Ending leaves readers hanging a little, one simple line added would resolve the whole story - try something like 'Here was his true prize at last.'[ I'm sure you can do better, just an idea to get creativity flowing]

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim* A tightly written, polished piece that I would love to see lengthened after the contest ends. You've certainly done a good job leaving yourself lots of options for continuing this one ! Let me know if you do decideto lengthen this one !!


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
231
231
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

A well written and informative article on getting around WDC. I found this piece very easy to read and comprehend, even the newest member of WDC would find this simply described instruction easy to follow and get incredible results and fun from. I enjoyed how the author uses thier own experiences to back-up and add humour and charm to this piece. I could not find one flaw that needed improving, from grammer, punctuation to inspiration, this little article does it right in spades. Excellent piece !

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
232
232
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

A sad and haunting rhyming poem about neglect and cruelty and the helplessness that children feel as they experience it. I had tears in my eyes as I read, each verse portrayed a scene so vividly, I felt I was experiencing it along with the narrator. I kept hoping the children would have someone reach out and help them. Verses move the story along in a logical manner that paints a vivid, chilling story for readers.
My only suggestions for improvement are a couple of typos I noted;
Verse Nine, line two ; capitilize first word.
Verse Ten, Line 'to 'should be ' too 'and 'bad 'needs a comma after it.
Verse Eleven, Line One ; capitilize first word.
A poem true not only at Christmas, but all year around.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
233
233
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

I found the majority of this poem had a soft, wistful flow to it. I could feel the longing, wistfulness and finally joy underlying the words. It's a beautiful poem about a longing for freedom and warmth, very insightful and the words are incredibly haunting. I would suggest Capitilizing each word in your Tittle line to draw readers attention when scanning for items.
Although I am certainly not an expert on this style of poem, there were two areas that read a little rough to me, particularly whenI read aloud.
Verse One, Line Two, when I read aloud, this felt like it needed a comma after 'cold 'or to read as 'December's icy touch, '[ not sure what to suggest to smooth that line...
Verse Three, Line Four; 'believe 'also reads a little rough, I kept wanting to say 'believe ' [ Also you need a period after believe there ]
FAVORITE VERSE: Four. Strong and vivid imagery coupled with powerful emotional impact made this truly resonate within me.
FAVORITE LINES:
Oh idle days, caged in my rooms,
The longing of my soul is deep,
A memorable, heartfelt read that with just a touch of polishing will be a truly haunting and unforgettable piece of art !

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
234
234
Review of A Warm Christmas  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

A catchy tittle and description drew me into reading this funny free verse poem about a man unhappy with Christmas weather. I really enjoyed the comedy aspect to this little piece, the ending is a wonderful surprise twist that left me grinning ! Very powerful imagery lets the reader feel they are accompaniying the man on his journey through
his memories of past Christmases in comparison to his present circumstances. I enjoyed the intensity of feeling and emotional drama in the opening verses. They are a perfect lead-in to the unexpected final line. No grammer , punctuation or spelling errors were apparent and the flow of the poem is rich and consistent throughout. Verses flow seamlessly one into the next.
FAVORITE VERSES: Two, Four Six, Seven.
Too many favorite lines to list - give it a read, you'll be glad you did !

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
235
235
Review of Night Terrors  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Tittle, Description: Attention grabbing tittle, your descriptive line fits this story with excellence.

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents: A wonderfully gripping short horror story that will make you think twice about turning off the lights !
I loved the well crafted dramatic build-up and story arc in this piece. It is well planned from start to finish and certainly held my interest all the way through.

*Snow1* Plot: Genuinely chilling and unique in it's presentation.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue: Main character is believable and I felt I was her in the story, certainly I could sympathise with her frustration!
Secondary characters are well portrayed and inner dialogue is well done and believable. GREAT twist ending - I never saw it coming.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos : I felt this story would absolutely sparkle with some revising and polishing, most of it is just simple little things - I don't have space for a line by line polish, but will try to give an idea so you can go through it yourself.
First start by indenting each new paragraph by about five spaces, better presentation and easier for the reader not to get thrown out of the story.
Starting with Paragraph One, try this;
The rain had been falling steadily for hours now, [ replace comma with period there] and The dog had brought in proof that the backyard had most likely turned into a murky lake. His large muddy footprints[ pawprints] highlighted on the white tile floors. [ Shorter, cleaner sentences add drama and depth]
The dog... He stood out in the dark[ pale decklights], his white fur almost gleaming glowed] in the dark. He was staring intently into the dark [ night]...
ran into his small kennel, vanishing into it's dark depths. [ try not to use so much repitition of the word dark, use similar substitutes, or just delete, let reader imagination work for you]
Give your story a tough revision for areas similar to the suggestions above.


*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS: The ending, dramatic, chilling and unexpected. Too many favorite lines to name without giving away the storyline here.

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating: I really enjoyed this story and felt it could be polished into a publishable piece with a little work.
I would have rated it much higher if not for the repitition parts that need revising, I'd be happy to re-read and re-rate after editing though !


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
236
236
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Tittle, Description: Interesting tittle and descriptive line.

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents: A detailed story of supernatural events with a great twist ending. I liked the content and theme of this story, although I felt a little faster pace in some areas to break up the long narrative would work better.

*Snow1* Plot: Well planned and executed, it held my interest very well.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue: Both very believable, but a polishing for repitition of descriptions and similar lines would be very beneficial to polishing this piece.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
Try revising to include a mix of long and shorter sentences to change pacing to a more dramatic level in action or highly emotional areas, such as the first bathroom incident.
'a dark, glass color.'[ delete, you've already told us this]
'... killed her, or hurt her really bad.' end sentence at 'killed her, readers understand the rest is implied if it hadn't killed her

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS:
Second bathroom scene at twelve years old, very dramatic and chilling.

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating: I particularly liked the final confrontation and when Angela's 'ghost' makes known who she really is. A highly enjoyable, entertaining read that just needs some slight revision and polishing to make it extraordinary.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
237
237
Review of Vlad's Wife  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Tittle, Description: Good tittle, excellent, interesting descriptive line.

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents: I felt the contents were very believable, but I didn't really connect with the main character until the end because I didn't really feel I got to know her as well as was possible. I did enjoy the main theme of this story, but felt it would be more engaging and memorable if revised to include more sensory details of the battle through her eyes and in the beginning, was she chilled, sweating, crying?

*Snow1* Plot: Interesting plot, well thought out and portrayed well for such a short piece.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue: Characters are very three dimensional and I felt I'd have liked to see them as part of a slightly longer, more detailed piece. Inner dialogue flowed well and moved the story along. I felt the story was slightly rushed in some areas which detracted from the main characters potential impact throughout. [ one area would be where she cries out for her husband, than is suddenly just sitting on her bed ]

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
Try adding more sensory input into this piece, slightly more detail, ie: what words were on the note ?
YOUR SENTENCE:
'It pulled a few strands of hair from her head and she winced.'[ try revising for drama]
"She winced, a sharp gasp escaped her lips as its sharp tip jerked a few strands of hair from her scalp.'
*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS:
The ending for it's unexpected, dramatic impact.

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating: An excellent and interesting topic, I think with a little revision, lengthening of this piece, it would become truly outstanding !


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
238
238
Review of Morning Brew  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

A simple, eloquent Cinqain poem about that first daily cup of speaciality coffeee. It sounded so good, I could taste it ! Great use of senses and imagery in such a short piece. The form of the poem is very interesting, I counted no errors in the required amount of syllables per line. It gives the poem a pleasing, mellow flow in which the contents really stand out. The photo accompanying this poem is appealing, a stroke of genius ! *Thumbsup*

{e:image:1812349}

239
239
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

The powerful and deeply visual images held me enthralled in this poem. I could feel the deep emotional struggle of the character as he strove not to give in to the voices,
I could also physically feel as he weakened, than drew strength not to allow the voice dominion. There is a multi-layered richness to this poem, created by the dark subject matter, tempered with the inner strength of the character and the almost hypnotic placement and repitition of several key words, voice, pleading, words...
After studying the style of the poem as outlined in the Author's notes, I could find no errors in form. I particularly liked the repitition of the line:
I hear it's wail cajoling me to release it from it's jail.
An excellent, deeply moving poem.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

240
240
Review of LED BY A STAR  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

A beautiful, heartfelt Free Verse poem of the season ! I loved the strong, vivid images in this poem coupled with the powerful wording, these things make this poem truly shine. I felt like I was hearing the Angels and seeing Mary and Joseph's radiant faces. The pace and rythm in this poem made it so strong that it could easily be set to music or sung around the Christmas tree with family and friends. Punctuation, grammer and spelling are excellent and I could not see one thing that I would suggest needs improvement. Stunning work!


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

241
241
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Tittle, Description: Interesting and attention catching tittle, your descriptive line is poignant and made me want to read the story.

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents: A tale of loss and of a boy's journey into manhood. A story of a special relationship and a man who taught the boy about the cycles of life even with his last breaths.
Contents are richly textured with images, memories and the momments that shape children into the adults they will become. I was hooked by the rise and fall of drama in this story as the boy is forced to face his feelings and put his grandfather's illness and loss into perspective. Paragraphs flow well from first to last, writing is very crisp throughout. Readers are drawn into both the story and the relationship.

*Snow1* Plot:Wonderfully crafted and fresh, this plot is one that will make many readers look at thier elders in a new light.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue: Characters are strong, three-dimensional and realistic. They jump off the page and into your heart.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos : I didn't see any typos or spelling errors, but I do have a couple of suggestions I made note of while reading;
The thoughts of it sends chills down my spine...
My grandfather and I had always been close. Always. [ redundant, we know this from the story and previous line.]

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS:
The hunting trips of the boy and grandfather.
How the boy comforts his grandfather on his final night.
'When he left, it was an eerie feeling. '

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating: This story is packed with emotional drama that lingers in the memory long after it is read. I would have rated it higher, but felt it could use just a little more tightening and polishing in some areas similar to what's noted in the Suggestions section. This story is definately worth a read.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
242
242
Review of Why Am I?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A poem of strong emotional content and impact on it's readers. One can hear the desperation to understand within it's words and I felt anger, distrust and my own desire to know echoed in these words. I liked the dramatic arc as this poem reaches it's closing verse with a final plea for help and knowledge.
Suggestions; I did feel this poem might become even more smooth and let readers reach deeper into thier own minds with a little addded punctuation.
Verse One, question mark after line two. Capitilize beginning of line three, commas after line three and four.
Verse Two; commas after lines two, three, four.
Verse Three; commas after lines one, three. Period after line four.
Verse Four; commas after lines one, three and four. [ line Five mightread better if you delete 'and', change it 'to']
FAVORITE VERSES; Two and Three. [ deeply emotional and strong sentiment]
A beautifully written poem that asks questions I'm sure most have asked themselves in thier deeper moments.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
243
243
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)

I liked the overall flow and rythm of this poem, it shows much humour and is a cute read. I do have a few suggestions for you to consider, feel free to disregard what you feel doesn't apply to how you feel your work should be...
Verse One; Lines three and four could use some revision and polishing - they don't seem to make much sense or fit the majority of the poems message and rythm.'Same problem in Verse Four, line four [ idea is good, try revising it's wording lightly] Closing verse, same problem as Verse One, but Ireally liked the idea of repeating the opening and closing verses for effect.
FAVORITE VERSE; Six, it is well written and funny. Excellent flow.
A humourous read that with a little polishing would be excellent.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
244
244
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Tittle, Description: Good tittle, but you might capitilize each word for maximum effect and noticeability. Description invites interest and fits your content well.

*GiftG* Contents, First Impressions: I liked this story because of it's strong message, you kept the POV character all through it. There is a strong sense of drama and anger here, yet hope underlies the story, very evident in the closing paragraph.

*Snow1* Plot: Interesting take on this theme.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue:
I thought your main character was a powerful presence, yet, I had trouble really connecting to this being, obviously he/she was not human, can you give the reader a slight description of who this is, an Angel, being from another world? This would help readers care about why this particular being is so upset and add more depth to your story.
Dialogue is more like inner narrative, yet we know he is talking to a particular human, can you make that part more of a dialogue exchange?

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
Opening line, try not to use so many of the same words in one sentence. Maybe revise to something like;
Come, walk with me to see what has been left for us. I will show you what Humanity has left abandoned.
Paragraph Two, line one; 'shells'[ ruins sounds better in this context]
Line three; he He was called...
Paragraph Three, line seven; period needed after ' on '
Paragraph Five; 'your'[ you're ] using it as 'you are '
'... you're one too? Well than, ... [ always capitilize first word of new lines]
Forrest [ Forest] corrected spelling.

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS:
FAVORITE PARTS; Paragraph Three, for it's strong dramatic arc. Closing paragraph, because it leaves the reader with a feeling of hope.
FAVORITE LINE:
A plant, all alone, just waiting for the moment it can spread it's seeds. [renewal, rebirth]

*XmasTree*Overall Thoughts and Rating: I think this story, with some revision and a strong edit for spelling, punctuation will be a wonderfully moving read with a strong and emotional message for all it's readers. I rated it as I did because it needs some work to become as strong as I think it can be and I will be happy to re-read and adjust my rating after it has been polished.
I enjoyed reading this story very much.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
245
245
Review of Trumpets Sound  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Toucing, sad and memorable, this poem holds both the key and lock of mans destiny. I enjoyed the rich, vivid imagery and the soft, haunting flow of this poem. Although I am no poetry expert on various styles and requirements, by studying the lines from the Authors footnotes, I could detect no flaws in it's requirements. Spelling, punctuation and grammer are good, each line is tight, crisp and polished. Each verse follows the next in perfect synchonicity. I loved the repitition of the lines at the beginning of each verse, the very slight variation at the end of each really stands out and causes readers to think and reflect on what they've read.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
246
246
Review of Streets  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

A dramatic, hauntingly intense poem about gangs and life on the streets. It is also a poem about confusion and holds an underlying wistfulness for change.
The beat and rythm of this poem is strong, hard, dramatic, almost a trance-like state ocurred as I read it. The images are vivid, the reader is pulled not only into the poem, but the lifestyle. I particularly liked Verses One, Three and Four for thier dramatic tone and impact to the reader. My only suggestions for improvement would be to add the following punctuation; Verse One, Line One; comma after ride - Line Four; comma after 'streets '
Verse Three, Line Three; comma after 'streets '
Verse Five; commas in lines one and two after 'lives '[ to match dramatic flow in Verse Three]

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
247
247
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great tittle, I couldn't resist reading this one and I'm glad I did ! I'm still laughing as I try to type. My only suggestions here would be for Verse One, Line three - try changing 'had 'to 'held 'for better flow. Also, add commas after each of the first three lines for every verse and a period on the fourth for consistency and better presentation. This is such a happy little poem, I could just picture the cook in his apron watching his sauce bubble away.Pacing is strong and consistent throughout , the imagery is easy to visualize. My FAVORITE VERSE has to be Verse Three, it says it all and reminded me of my son and husband in the kitchen cooking, so it was a very easy connection to me into this poem. Great job !*Thumbsup*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
248
248
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A beautiful, touching poem about a child's Christmas wish. I felt the question mark in the tittle didn't quite fit - it isn't really a question there and maybe more dramatic as a statement for drawing readers in. I loved the quick pace and vivid imagery in this poem. It is very easy to imagine being there, listening to the child's greatest wish and his reasons for asking it brought tears to my eyes. Puctuation, grammer and spelling were all good, and the poem kept it's beat throughout. I felt the strong emotional impact of this poem coupled with it's clear wording, really make this poem stand out.
It's well worth taking a momment to read !

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
249
249
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

An entertaining, concise and easy to understand article on planning and writing a Novel Series, it is particularly focused on using the same characters, locations over more than one book. I found this article contains much help for the beginning novelist, such as building plot lines, the importance of keeping good notes and many helpful links to further benefit and instruct writers in both the craft of writing, but also market trends, marketing and very importantly, how to develop a novel idea into what could become a series. I think most writers who are serious about being published would benefit from reading this article and it's many links. There is a wealth of information here and even if you are not planning a series, you'll benefit by learning how to build strong characters, storylines and how to keep pace with an everchanging market industry.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
250
250
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A poem filled with strong imagery and wonderful sentiments. I am no expert on the different styles of poetry, but this one seemed to fulfill it's requirements very well.
I enjoyed the sharply crisp sentences, although my one suggestion is that a comma seemed needed on the very last line after ' winter '. A pretty, strongly written poem that I enjoyed very much.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
496 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 20 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dejavu/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10