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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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Review of A Time and Place  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am giving you this review as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy.
Anything said in this review is given as one reader's opinion only and meant simply to provide you feedback on your story. With that said, here is my review;

Tittle, Description, Rating: An interesting tittle I feel fits this piece very well. Your descriptive line is interesting, however, I did note that you mis-spelled the word 'rather' in it.

CHARACTERS: I liked your main character, he was quite easy to visualize and I felt very sympathetic towards him. I did feel your female charactercould use a little fleshing out so the reader connects to her as well because it's important to understand what makes her so special to him that he fell so deeply for her so fast. It's rather integral to the story and I felt it would provide more impact throughout. I also would have enjoyed seeing a little more reaction from him when he finds out what he's become.

Dialogue: Your dialogue is believable and does help move the story forward.

PLOT: I enjoyed the plot and storyline of this piece, a very unique take with a nice twist at the end.

Contents,[Flow,Clarity]: The flow and clarity in this story are generally quite good, however there were a couple of places I felt a transition sentence or paragraph might add greater depth and impact for readers. For example, a transition phrase about ' returning to his thoughts', would be helpful after Rose pours his scotch, I thought at first he was talking about her, it's rather confusing because the reader is never quite sure he's not.
I felt there should be a short paragraph or two after she tells him he's become a vampire to help fill out the story, I felt a bit cheated there, because it seems there is a large, important chunk of his life missing here, the part that made her loss so devastating.

Emotion, Imagery: There is a strong feeling of both loss and regret running throughout this piece. Your imagery is quite good in the bar scene.

SUGGESTIONS, TYPOS: I did note a number of missing punctuation and skipped words throughout this story, I think it's mainly just typos from typing too quickly.
Opening Line; I thought, but didn't say. [ missed the comma after 'thought'
Paragraph Three, line One; commas needed after 'pub' 'bar' 'box' attraction needs an 's' on the end.
Paragraph Four; comma needed after 'Rose'
Paragraph Five; comma needed after 'pull' 'slightly' 'wisely'
'placing' should be 'placed' Try writing that linelike this;
' She shrugged wisely, placed the scotch back on it's shelf, and moved off.'
Transition line required after that line unless Rose is the girl he lost, even if she is, it would flow better if this was clarified.
Paragraph seven, line two; comma needed after 'talking'
Paragraph seven; comma needed after 'momment'
Paragraph eight; comma needed after 'others' [ I'd also suggest inserting ' end of the night' into the middle of the sentence rather than the end.]
comma needed after 'hours'
Paragraph Nine; comma needed after first 'slow'
Paragraph ten; comma after 'twice'
Paragraph eleven; comma after 'one'
You have quite a few similar areas throughout the remainder of your story that you might want to edit for puctuation, and missed words. I would also suggest combining some of these single line paragraphs into longer, more complete ones as I think it would greatly enhance presentation and reader understanding in the story.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Overall, a touching and memorable story that just needs a slight edit and a little polishing to make it truly shine!

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302
Review of The Wreck!  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am giving you this review as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy.
Anything said in this review is given as one reader's opinion only and meant simply to provide you feedback on your story. With that said, here is my review;

Tittle, Description, Rating: I liked the short, punchy tittle, it fits the story perfectly, however I did feel your descriptive line could use some tweaking to further enhance reader interest. I also felt you might upgrade your rating to Adult supervision, it is quite graphic for an E rating.

CHARACTERS: Your main character is well developed, I could see him quite clearly. I did feel you could have gotten more mileage out of the truck driver and his reactions at the scene. You might consider expanding him a little, especially in light of your ending.

Dialogue: Not relevant, no dialogue in story - although you might want to add some between truck driver and paramedics, police?

PLOT: I enjoyed the plot greatly and loved the twist at the end, nicely done!

Contents,[Flow,Clarity]: Your story flows well and I felt the plot was well thought out for such a short piece.

Emotion, Imagery: I think you could do a little more with the imagery, add sounds, smells, put us in that accident scene.

SUGGESTIONS, TYPOS:
' home by car... the National..' [ period after car. The National..' [ new sentence with The]
any vehicle...but imagine! having to [ comma after vehicle, delete exclamation mark - never use in middle of sentence]
Loud music ringing[ use rang]
judgement!the distance [ comma, not exclamation mark here.]
it{c:lred}!...BAM!the car [ it. Bam, the car] less distracting, better flow.
he ran towards the front [ He ran]
but he stopped the truck, for the friction was slowing it down. I would delete the part about the friction, it's redundant, obviosly the driver saw and felt the impact, etc. You could put in some visual here, screaming metal, sparks flying from under the truck, burning of brakes, scorched metal.. you get the idea...
back of the vehicle.. [ a period only here]he was horrified by what he saw! [Show us his reaction, put us in the driver's shoes, don't just tell us he was horrified]
glazed [ I think you mean 'gazed'

FINAL THOUGHTS: I really liked this story, it gave me shivers and holds so much potential, I did think you could do away with most exclamation marksin your ending, they are very distracting, let it flow more like knowledge flowing over the driver and readers together. A little editing and polishing would turn this story into a real gem !

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303
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

A wonderfully inspirational story about becoming an adult and all the joys, trials and achievments that accompany this re-birth. I loved the details of Hawaii's beautys, cried at the death of a friend and found comfort in goals met. Oh, how I can relate to those camping trips and Coleman stoves, does anyone know how to light one except fathers? Coleman lanterns came to mind in that paragraph as well.
A warm and thoughtful rembrance of the turning point of a life and the impact these events and choices had on thier owner and others close to him. Definately a story for all young people to benefit from and us of the older generations to read and reminise about. I enjoyed this story very much!
304
304
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

I loved the humour and imagery in this piece! It kept me laughing until I had tears in my eyes, the line about 'payback for curfews,groundings, etc. was so skillfully inserted it brought to mind images of my own son urging me to get my first siamese and oriental shorthair cats. Yup, it's definately payback!
I enjoyed learning the intrincacies of a Jack Russell Terrier's personality because this breed og dog has always interested me. A wonderful story for all ages!

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305
Review of Two Mimes  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Excellent flow and rythm to this poem! Lines flow easily into each other, telling the story of the mimes. The ending was a great twist and shocks the reader immensely because it is easy to envision such a tradedy in real life, people do not pay attention to those around them in great depth. The message and truth of this is what makes this poem doubly memorable. A great read that I hope many will enjoy.

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306
Review of The Final Goodbye  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, I am giving you this review as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy.
Anything said in this review is given as one reader's opinion only and meant simply to provide you feedback on your story. With that said, here is my review;

Tittle, Description, Rating: A good tittle, although Ifelt something a bit sharper might fit better, maybe ' The Last Farewell'? I would suggest capitilizing each words first letter for more impact to draw readers in. Same goes for your descriptive line.

CHARACTERS: Your male character is quite well developed and easy to visualize, as is the character of the girl.

Dialogue: The boy's internal dialogue is good, I would have liked to see a bit more dialogue between the two to break up the long narrative, I think this would deepen insight into thier characters.

PLOT: I liked the plot of this story about young lovers parting with good feelings between them.

Contents,[Flow,Clarity]: I found the story confusing in a few places, mainly near the beginning, it's not quite clear why the girl is where she is.This can easily be fixed by editing to expand your story a little.

Emotion, Imagery: Strong emotions are apparent throughout this piece. I did feel the imagery could be improved by expanding on your description of the location in the beginning of the story. You use quite alot of repititious description that almost throws a reader out of the story, try adding in sounds, smells [ could he smell her perfume?]and breaking up the white with a bit more color, maybe her scarf is blue or red to set off her hair and eyes?

SUGGESTIONS, TYPOS: I noted a number of typos in your story, here are the ones I felt most took readers out of the story and broke up the flow.
Paragraph One; ' among' the snow doesn't sound quite right, try something like ' outside' or 'surrounded by'.
Paragraph Two; this is where I felt more description would be helpful.
Try, encased by a field of frozen white snow, the school, or our blue and white concrete prison we called home, seemed almost welcoming. [ I'm sure you can do better with this line, just wanted to get your ideas flowing here]
' inked through the sky until it bled out into red stains in the cottocandy sky..] [ clearer, less confusing]
Paragraph Three, line one; you miss a good dramatic turn here, what was there the other's had seen ?

FINAL THOUGHTS: You have a great start on a compelling and touching story here, with a little work and polishing, it could certainly become a stand-out story!

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307
Review of Playing God  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I am giving you this review as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy.
Anything said in this review is given as one reader's opinion only and meant simply to provide you feedback on your story. With that said, here is my review;

Tittle, Description, Rating: Interesting tittle, however it is your descriptive line that really drew me into reading this story! Great job there!

CHARACTERS: Your characters were varied and quite well-rounded, even your minor characters are easily visualized by the reader. I did feel your main character could be developed a little more to bring a higher reader connection to him. He comes across as a little vapid and not toorepentant when he makes mistakes. You might want to give him a little stronger emotional aspect over his mistakes. [ he does have quite a descision and very high stakes to deal with]

Dialogue: Dialogue is smooth, believable and moves the story forward well. I would have liked to see a little more interaction between Evan and John. I felt John would at least want some explanation as to why Evan had let the children die, even if it was only to help Evan clarify his decisions to himself or to voice his feelings over it. The internal dialogue between John and himself is good and gives readers a bit of a look into John's mind and situation.

PLOT: An extremely interesting plot, I liked the supernatural aspect to this story.
Contents,[Flow,Clarity]: The overall flow to this story is consistent throughout and I had an easy time understanding what was going on, pacing was not bad, but you might want to try editing to produce crisper, more punchy sentences in some areas, particularly the action scenes, to vary pace and hold reader attention. I felt a little like I'd been on a marathon run after reading through the full story. Try reading it aloud and noting where the story's natural rythm changes it's pace.

Emotion, Imagery: Although I felt Evan's emotions were a bit weak in places, for the most part you invoked feelings of horror and sadness in me during the action scenes and when he visited his family.

SUGGESTIONS, TYPOS: I did note a couple of typos in the story;
Paragraph One, Line Five; 'housed' should be ' house' or 'housing'
Paragraph Three; I'd change ' a lot of' to 'similar boys' [ stronger word.]
Paragraph Four; ' abuse' should be 'abused'
Paragraph Five; Engines' should be 'Engine' [ singular, one vehicle]

FINAL THOUGHTS: I was a little dissapointed at the ending, the line is good in itself, but it leaves the reader feeling a bit cheated. Overall, a different and intriqing story about a soul facing a very difficult desicion.

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308
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION, ETC; Your tittle is excellent for this piece and combined with your descriptive line draws readers interest very well.

CONTENTS; Eeerie, surreal imagery combines with tight, crisp sentences to deliver a dark, dramatic story that will leave chills running up the readers spine long after they finish reading this piece! Your contents are well planned and well laid out, each event follows the other in an order that opens reader imagination to the maximum level. A unique plot, told in a surprisingly philosophical nature for it's content.

Characters, Dialogue: I found it very easy to visualize this character in my mind. He was real and three-dimensional and I felt his pain and loneliness like it was my own. There was also a very strong thread of fatalism, in that one felt this person was fulfilling a fate laid out for him at birth. His loneliness leaps off the page. Internal dialogue makes the story, it is strong and consistent throughout.

IMAGERY; EMOTION; Imagery is vivid and I felt a range of emotions as I read, sadness, despair, loneliness and even a sense of loss at the end. I wanted to reach out and save this person.

SUGGESTIONS; My suggestions have mainly to do with punctuation, I felt an edit and polish was really all this piece needed.One note, I'd use a different word than ' suck' in paragraph One, it feels too passive and throws readers out of the story because it breaks the flow you've created in the prior wording. It spoiled the mood you'd created.
Paragraph Two- I'd suggest a good edit on this one for punctuationand flow,try;
'Inside me is nothing, as it has always been. It is doing what it must-screaming to be defined through the likes of me.'
Paragraph Three; comma needed between place and I.
comma between 'relent''to'
You have a number of similar areas that could use a little more punctuation to bring out the intense impact this story carries.

OVERALL THOUGHTS; A dramatic and powerful story that shows the depths of despair the human spirit is capable of reaching and the message that reaching out to a stranger can save a life.

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309
309
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am giving you this review as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy.
Anything said in this review is given as one reader's opinion only and meant simply to provide you feedback on your story. With that said, here is my review;

Tittle, Description, Rating: Excellent tittle, it gives one a feeling that they are going to read about an experience they can relate to. I would suggest changing your story's description to reflect it's content/theme. I feel you'd attract more readers and reviewers.

CHARACTERS: Your main character is both likeable and someone people can easily relate to in everyday experiences. I think we've all felt what she feels. Her voice is strong and she is three-dimensional in nature. I think you could develop your secondary characters a little more to create a feeling of deeper empathy for them in your reader. Simply giving them names and sexes would help. Are they two girls? A boy and girl? What are thier ages. These details are important to creating reader interest, we want to know and care about these characters.

Dialogue: N/A. No dialogue in story.

PLOT:Your plot is well presented and addresses an important aspect of modern life, the neverending quest to buy, buy, buy to fill the emptiness of a world being condensed to less and less human interaction in the face of increasing technology. I really liked how you presented the various aspects of this problem.

Contents,[Flow,Clarity]: Your story flows very well. You have a knack for narrative and your points are presented with valid experiences most people can relate to in thier own lives. I did note a few confusing areas such as referring to one of the children simply as ' Gloria and Lewis's twin sister. Does she have a name? Her own identity? Was Gloria there as well on the outing?

Emotion, Imagery: I felt the tiredness of the character and her inner struggle to reach an understanding of her world. You accomplished this very effectively and I liked how she also worried about her friend's future.

SUGGESTIONS, TYPOS:
Suggestion: I would add a transition paragraph or line between paragraph one and two. It's a little confusing to have the main character in hospital one second, then be driving someone to a store. It threw me out of the story while I went back to see if I'd missed something.
Paragraph Four; ' him and I' should be ' he and I'
The ending line of this paragraph, while good, is a little confusing, you might want to add in a metaphor earlier in the story comparing or explaining the ' voids' in people and how they relate to being a consumer in the general sense, or Luis as a child.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I liked the ending of this story, however I felt something was left unsaid, perhaps you simply need to add a sentence before or after your closing line to further clarify and empower it for the reader so we understand it's context a little better.
I enjoyed this story and found much food for thought in reading it.

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Review of Faerie Magic  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

I liked your tittle and descriptive line, they drew my interest well!
Your poem has a very nice flow to it when read aloud, particularly in verses one and two with the repititions of the thoughts of magic and faeries. The verse about the bluebells is a little confusing at first read. Line three, verse three, sounds slightly rough compared to the previous verses although it's certainly a true statement !
I'd also suggest adding a comma after ' magic' in line two of your last verseto maintain the pacing of your poem.
Overall, an enjoyable, light-hearted read.

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311
Review of Ancient Enemies  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I am reviewing your work that I found in the Simply Positive Review Forum. Please note that all comments and suggestions reflect the thoughts of one reader only. Use anything you find helpful and disregard the rest as it is meant only to provide you feedback on this specific item.

I particularly like your short, punchy tittle and interesting descriptive line. These sparked my interest immediately.
I enjoyed the symmetry of this acrostic poem. Your first verse is very enlightening as to reasons for why these animals seem to hate each other on sight. I felt your examples of the "cats" and " dogs" of Africa were particularly apt as most people have little trouble picturing the lions and hyenas of Africa and seeing something of them in thier household pets. I feel this is an important element in making the imagery in your poem come alive for readers.
When Iread your poem aloud, I felt the last line was less fluid than the rest of the poem. For me, the words, 'Now' and ' elsewhere' read a little jarring and out of sync with your earlier descriptions. The beginning and middle of your poem speak of comparing these types of animals worldwide from ancient times, but for me, the last line implies it still happens in only one specific location only. Is there another way you might be able to edit this line to keep in sync with the theme of from ancient to modern times worldwide?
Overall, an enjoyable and thought provoking read about animals many of us include in our daily lives and families.

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312
312
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, I am reviewing you Short Story as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy. Please note that ALL comments and suggestions are the opinions of one reader only and simply meant to provide feedback on this story. Use anything helpful and disregard the rest.

Your tittle is interesting, but I did feel it could be improved by using something a little shorter and more dramatic as one does use words during the course of a phone call.
I found your main character likeable and very believable. She is well thought out and I could picture her clearly. You did a very nice job of showing readers her emotions and reactions. I enjoyed the description of the creepy cell phone music, excellent way to raise tension. Your plot is quite intriquing.
I have a couple of suggestions that I feel would improve the flow and clarity of this story and give readers a better visual effect.
Paragraph One; try a period after cleaned. Begin a new sentence after with Margaret taking the cushions off the couch to clean. You also might want to clarify it was the vacum sucking up the food, it kind of reads like Margaret is doing this. I think this would greatly enhance the overall flow.
I'd change, ' it made her afraid, as if something ghostly was near.' to a similar statement, maybe using, ' although she could not explain why.' [ that way, it doesn't give away your story in the beginning.]
Your dialogue is clear and quite well done, although you might want to hint Margaret and her family really need this lottery money, it gives more credibility to why the father would need to call after twelve years to help with this.
Overall, an entertaining little story that could be truly creepy with just a slight bit of polishing!


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313
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION, ETC; Tittle is interesting, however I felt your description, although catchy, gave away just a bit too much of your story.

CONTENTS; You have developed a very strong plot and storyline in such a short piece. I found the writing crisp and tight. The story flow is easy to follow and builds tension, conflict and resolution very well.

Characters, Dialogue: Your main character is authentic, likeable and well thought out. His inner dialogue is believable, moving your story foreward and giving us strong glimpses into the character's thoughts and personality.

IMAGERY; EMOTION; Strong, vivid imagery! I felt like I could hear the explosions and see the battle raging. I experienced a range of emotions in this piece, fear, hope and sadness for the character's poor opinion of himself.

SUGGESTIONS; I did note a couple of typos that need an edit.
'... illuminating a world of a world of rubble' [ delete second' of a world.']
" high pitched sirens drawing near...' [ I'd use 'drew' or similar word to replace the word 'drawing' here. maintains flow, less passive]

OVERALL THOUGHTS; A strong story that gives an excellent look at autism and how it could affect a child in a horrible, harsh time. I enjoyed the strong, tight writing and felt the ending tied up the story well. A very enjoyable, dramatic read.

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314
Review of Forgiveness  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I enjoyed the repitition of the first verse, it cements how difficult the situation is to the narrator.
Imagery is both vivid and apt to the situation the reader experiences along with the narrator, because the situation is one all of us must deal with at some point in our lives. I felt the examples of trying to overcome the problem and failing lent credibility to the experience, thereby delivering a strong message to readers about ' not giving up' that can be applied to many situations.
The strong rythm and beat to this poem keeps the reader focused and interested, creating a strong visionary connection to the narrator. Puctuation and grammer are good, although I would suggest a slight change in Verse Eight, Line three - I'd change the period at the end to a comma to maintain the symmetry of the rest of the poem.
Overall, a lovely, uplifting poem with a strong message delivered in a very pleasing, reader friendly manner.

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Review of Deep Well  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A touching and emotionally stirring poem of awakening the lifeforce within one's spirit.
I particularly enjoyed the symbology of a well for forgotten, abandoned dreams. It touched a deep chord of resonance in me because I tend to ' think in pictures.' Another metaphor I related to and felt fits the author's message well is ' clear the path'..' to find the water' - to me this represents shedding all your resentments and broken ideals to find the richness hidden in your current life.
The poem flowed well, although I did feel Line three, Verse One was a little less smooth in comparison to the rest of the poem, almost as if a word is missing that's needed to maintain the poem's rythm. I did think that an addition of punctuation, commas and periods would aid this, helping readers to focus on the rythm the author heard as they wrote it.
Overall, a poem that delivers an important message through words rich in imagery and symbolic visualizations.

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316
316
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION, ETC; An interesting tittle that fits the piece well. Your description provokes interest and the rating seems right for this story.

CONTENTS; I loved the idea behind this story of an unknown and generous benefactor caring enough to give a wonderful, lasting gift. The story unfolds easily in the timeframe it is built around.

Characters, Dialogue: I didn't really feel a true emotional connection to your main character, perhaps because she/he seemed more focused on the flowers and gift cards than the incredible gift the annonymous sender had given. That part rings a little untrue to me as I felt the person would be more interested in exploring the new home than tasting food baskets.

IMAGERY; EMOTION; There is a very good use of imagery in this story. The description of the fancy gifts and the one small one wrapped in newspaper was very easy to imagine. I felt I was there looking at it with the character. I didn't get too much of an emotional feeling from this piece, partly because the main character didn't appear to feel many deep feelings.

SUGGESTIONS; I noted a couple of points that seemed inconsistent in the point you were trying to get across to the reader. In the first paragraph, you make note the character lost all thier family in the hurricane, however, later in the story that family appears at the birthday party. Is this a different part of the family? You may want to clarify this point in the story for readers.
Your main character's only emotion seems to be curiosity about the key and address, however once that mystery is solved, the character again descends into almost blankness. I would think, speaking for myself, I would be imagining many possibilities and be moved to tears when the truth of the gift became known to me. You might want to give this a bit of an edit to make the character more three dimensional.

OVERALL THOUGHTS; A wonderful, uplifting premise for a story. I think this story has the potential to become excellent in every aspect, it just needs a little polishing to be so, because I did feel strongly about its potential, I have rated it lower than I feel your plot deserves.
If you do edit or enlarge this piece, I'd be delighted to re-read and adjust my rating.

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Review of On The Clock  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please note the observations and suggestions in this review are only one reader's opinion. You are free to disagree or agree with any or no points at all, ultimately, your piece should be written as you see fit to express yourself. With that said, here is my feedback on your item.

An interesting article on time and how it expands differently at various stages of our lives. I enjoyed the points you made about the various ways we percieve time as children and felt your personal experiences added depth and a sprinkle of humour to your article. I also liked how you expressed your opinion about people changing as they age and that different people see wasting time in different perspectives. I also felt that your closing paragraph about living in balance made some strong and pertinent points while wrapping up the article very nicely.
I did note that throughout the article, you had a tendency to use very long, run-on sentences and I found this quite distracting as I had to go back and re-read a number of paragraphs over before I finally caught what you were trying to say. I felt that if you edited this article to contain a few shorter sentences that made your points more quickly, you would improve flow, reader interest and generally make the article much more crisp and tightly written. Paragraph seven is a good example of what I mean, almost the entire paragraph is one long sentence.
Overall, an enjoyable read with much food for thought for readers.

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318
318
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as suggestions. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest.Most importantantly, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION, ETC; Interesting tittle that fits the story well. I did feel the descriptive line would attract more readers if it were changed to give readers a hint of the story-line. [ you could always add an Author's note at the end on the contest it was written for]

CONTENTS; An interesting plot and storyline that shows great planning and creativity. The story flows very smoothly for the most part, there was only two spots where I was slightly confused by events and I think that might be due to a probable word count for contest reasons.
Clarity is very good in this story, imagery is clear, dialogue is believable and helps move the story foreward for the reader. It was very easy to maintain interest in the story from beginning to end.
Your plot was interesting and it was nice to see witches portrayed in a good way, rather than as a Hollywood stereotype.

Characters, Dialogue: Characters are very likeable and it's easy for readers to imagine sitting down and talking with them. Dialogue is smooth and realistic within the story's context. I enjoyed how you used the dialogue tags to show the characters personalities and story location.

IMAGERY; EMOTION; Imagery was realistic and vividly described. I could see the forest surrounding the cottage, imagine working with the plants. The characters as well were very vivid and quite easy to visualize in my mind as I read.
Reading through this piece I experienced a number of emotions. Laughter at Penney's irritation at her friend's ability to always know when she'd arrived, wonder at the simplicity of thierlife in the woods, sadness, joy when the main conflict was resolved. There was even a sense of camaradery between reader and characters.

SUGGESTIONS; I only have a couple of suggestions on improvement, these would be a transition line or short paragraph to help the reader stay focused. One would be between where Penney is exclaiming over Tarot, they sit down to eat and suddenly Penney is speaking of the nightmare when prior to this, it would seem she had no knowledge her friend suffered from it the night before. [just a personal opinion, I had to read that section twice to be sure I hadn't missed something] The second is when Penney asks about the box Tarot arrived in, how did she see it outside under the window when she was already inside?

OVERALL THOUGHTS; A wonderful uplifting and humourous story of two young witchy friends who enjoy helping thier neighbors. The ending is the perfect finishing touch that wraps up the loose threads with humour and a light touch of a great lesson about life. Keep Writing, your scope of imagination is truly wonderful !

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

A quirky, humourous poem about a human and a werewolf. I felt there was a great mix of horror and humour in this poem that makes it both entertaining and gives a bit of that ' Alfred Hitchcock' flavor.
Verses flow seamlessly into each other and the added punctuation within the verses give the reader particularly well planned breathing areas to contemplate what they've read. The visual imagery in this poem is well done and manages to leave room for the reader's imagination to fill in much of the visual effect, a very effective tool in crafting anything horror.
I noted no grammatical or punctuation errors and I hope many will give this one a read, it's certain to bring a grin to your day!

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Review of Small Blue Box  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your tittle was excellent for this story. I did feel your descriptive line could use more work to bring in more readers, it doesn't really give a hint to the storyline. Your characters were very well developed for such a short piece. Dialogue was well written and believable and moved your story along very well. I felt Iwas there listening, waiting for the inevitable to be said. Well done !
You need to give this piece a good edit for missed words.
EXAMPLES;
' do as', try ' do as he..'
' handing back' ' handing IT back'
I enjoyed this little story very much, you have a wonderful talent for creating characters that are alive!

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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, I found your story on the Read A Newbie Page,and am here to review it.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only.Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG* Tittle, Description,Etc.:Your tittle, while interesting, didn't quite seem to fit the story because your characters could leave, to me, snowed in, implies you are stuck until the roads clear or the storm breaks. I did like your descriptive line, interesting and fits perfectly to your story. I felt the rating might be better suited to Adult Supervision Required because of the subject matter.

*GiftG* Contents, [Flow, Clarity]: Your contents were interesting and there was a nice touch of humour apparent in some places. I did feel confused in some areas and had a hard time deciding the sex and preferences of your character in the first two reads of the story. Your flow is good, each paragraph leads well into the others.

*Snow1* Plot: I liked the plot line of this story, it was interesting and unique, although I did feel it could have been developed a little more by using more show and less tell throughout the piece.

*SnowMan* Characters, Dialogue: Your main character was interesting, but I didn't feel much connection to him, we really get no sense of him except that he's a bartender who likes free drinks. I felt you could do much more with giving readers an emotional investment in him through use of dialogue to show him interacting with other characters.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos : I didn't note any typos. Suggestions for improvement would be to add in some use of setting the background by using taste, smell, touch, etc. and by expanding the character's interactions with others through dialogue and action tags.You use alot of passive sentences, there is no real conflict that is solved.

*XmasTree* Overall Thoughts and Rating: I feel this story has exceptional potential as a comedy, drama piece, however, Irated it at 3.5 because of items noted above and the feel in your ending that the story was unfinished.[ you might fix that by leaving out your last paragraph, or by continuing the story a little further so there is a resolution to the piece. An excellent start to what could become a highly entertaining read with a bit of editing and polishing.
Write On !



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Review of Flaming Hearts  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A beautiful tittle for this poem! Your tag line effectively creates interest in readers.
I was struck by the vivid, haunting images this poem invoked and the well of emotions it brings to life in the reader. Such sadness and emptiness at the end ! I particularly enjoyed the repitions of the words, ' Flaming hearts'.
My only suggestion for improvement is with punctuation required. Commas after each first three lines per verse, periods at ends of fourth line per verse. I also noted a couple of lines where you missed needed commas;
Line Two, verse one; comma between ' flowers' ' and'
Verse two, lines two and three; commas between ' passions' ' and' 'Adam' ' the'
Verse three, lines two and three; commas between; ' leaves' ' and' ' old' ' are' ' hearts' ' past'
Verse Four, lines two and three; commas between; ' body' ' and' ' shared' ' that'
These would keep the symetry and natural flow you created in other verses.
You have great talent !

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Review of Home Again  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good tittle and description line ! Clear, concise and interesting.
Your verses have excellent rhythm to them, very catchy and memorable. I felt deep emotions underlying this poem, from sadness to joy at the end. I liked the poems message of ' home is where the heart is.' You did an excellent job portraying this.
I would suggest adding some punctuation to create natural resting places for readers to stop and ponder your words. Perhaps commas after each of the first threelines per verse, period at end of fourth line each verse. Other than that, I have no suggestions for improvement and thouroughly enjoyed this poem!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I liked your tittle and descriptive line very much, both are a perfect match for this poem and draw the reader into reading the piece. There is an easy, contemplative flow to this poem that allows one to savor and contemplate each verse. The character of the elderly lady is so vivid and clear, I felt as though I was standing beside her and just wanted to give her a hug. She is someone I will remember for a very long time.
I experienced a multitude of emotions while reading this poem, curiosity, sorrow, anger and empathy coupled with a few tears for the unspeakable things she endured, I felt happiness that despite her pain, shedid experience at least some joy in life.
I felt the punctuation and grammer was flawless in this poem, I cannot think of one constructive suggestion for improvement, this poem touches the readers soul, and sends a clear message of the lasting effects our actions can have not only on one person, but on many future generations as well.

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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I found your story on the Simply Positive Review Forum,and am here to review it.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only.Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG* Tittle, Description,Etc. : Interesting tittle, however, I would suggest capitilizing the first letter of each tittle word for reader impact. Your description line would draw more readers if it gave a hint of your storyline.

*GiftG* Contents, [Flow, Clarity]: You have a marvellous flow and continuity to this short story. It is easy to follow and you've done a great job of showing the conflict.

*Snow1* Plot: Well thought out and strongly portrayed. I felt sadness and jubilation as I read. You added a great dose of humour through dialogue and the character's interplay.

*SnowMan* Characters, Dialogue: Strong, believable characters. Dialogue is natural and moves the story foreward well. We get alot of info from characters actions rather than an overflow of backstory. Well done !

ScotchTape: Suggestions,Typos: I'd suggest a thourough edit and polish of this piece to correct punctuation errors and a few missed words.
EXAMPLES:
' He felt a proud..' [ delete 'a', not required.]
' Brad closed the door AND turned to his wife.' [ and is a missing word.]
period after,'giggle', new sentence;'She went over to stand..'

*XmasTree* Overall Thoughts and Rating: A punchy and attention grabbing short story! Your closing line was a masterpiece that tied everything together with a happy ending. I rated this story lower than I wanted to because it needs editing, but would be happy to re-rate once the edit is complete.

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