|Hello, I found your story on the Read A Newbie Page,and am here to review it.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only.Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:
Tittle, Description,Etc.:Your tittle, while interesting, didn't quite seem to fit the story because your characters could leave, to me, snowed in, implies you are stuck until the roads clear or the storm breaks. I did like your descriptive line, interesting and fits perfectly to your story. I felt the rating might be better suited to Adult Supervision Required because of the subject matter.
Contents, [Flow, Clarity]: Your contents were interesting and there was a nice touch of humour apparent in some places. I did feel confused in some areas and had a hard time deciding the sex and preferences of your character in the first two reads of the story. Your flow is good, each paragraph leads well into the others.
Plot: I liked the plot line of this story, it was interesting and unique, although I did feel it could have been developed a little more by using more show and less tell throughout the piece.
Characters, Dialogue: Your main character was interesting, but I didn't feel much connection to him, we really get no sense of him except that he's a bartender who likes free drinks. I felt you could do much more with giving readers an emotional investment in him through use of dialogue to show him interacting with other characters.
ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos : I didn't note any typos. Suggestions for improvement would be to add in some use of setting the background by using taste, smell, touch, etc. and by expanding the character's interactions with others through dialogue and action tags.You use alot of passive sentences, there is no real conflict that is solved.
Overall Thoughts and Rating: I feel this story has exceptional potential as a comedy, drama piece, however, Irated it at 3.5 because of items noted above and the feel in your ending that the story was unfinished.[ you might fix that by leaving out your last paragraph, or by continuing the story a little further so there is a resolution to the piece. An excellent start to what could become a highly entertaining read with a bit of editing and polishing.
Write On !
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