Hello, I am giving you this review as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy.
Anything said in this review is given as one reader's opinion only and meant simply to provide you feedback on your story. With that said, here is my review;
Tittle, Description, Rating: I liked the short, punchy tittle, it fits the story perfectly, however I did feel your descriptive line could use some tweaking to further enhance reader interest. I also felt you might upgrade your rating to Adult supervision, it is quite graphic for an E rating.
CHARACTERS: Your main character is well developed, I could see him quite clearly. I did feel you could have gotten more mileage out of the truck driver and his reactions at the scene. You might consider expanding him a little, especially in light of your ending.
Dialogue: Not relevant, no dialogue in story - although you might want to add some between truck driver and paramedics, police?
PLOT: I enjoyed the plot greatly and loved the twist at the end, nicely done!
Contents,[Flow,Clarity]: Your story flows well and I felt the plot was well thought out for such a short piece.
Emotion, Imagery: I think you could do a little more with the imagery, add sounds, smells, put us in that accident scene.
SUGGESTIONS, TYPOS:
' home by car... the National..' [ period after car. The National..' [ new sentence with The]
any vehicle...but imagine! having to [ comma after vehicle, delete exclamation mark - never use in middle of sentence]
Loud music ringing[ use rang]
judgement!the distance [ comma, not exclamation mark here.]
it{c:lred}!...BAM!the car [ it. Bam, the car] less distracting, better flow.
he ran towards the front [ He ran]
but he stopped the truck, for the friction was slowing it down. I would delete the part about the friction, it's redundant, obviosly the driver saw and felt the impact, etc. You could put in some visual here, screaming metal, sparks flying from under the truck, burning of brakes, scorched metal.. you get the idea...
back of the vehicle.. [ a period only here]he was horrified by what he saw! [Show us his reaction, put us in the driver's shoes, don't just tell us he was horrified]
glazed [ I think you mean 'gazed'
FINAL THOUGHTS: I really liked this story, it gave me shivers and holds so much potential, I did think you could do away with most exclamation marksin your ending, they are very distracting, let it flow more like knowledge flowing over the driver and readers together. A little editing and polishing would turn this story into a real gem !
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