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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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76
76
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I was hooked by the strong, emotional content of mixed fear, joy and cruelty in this piece. Characters are strong, believable. I just wanted to scoop that little girl up and spirit her away. The relationship between characters, relatives, etc. is unclear, yet it doesn't affect the shock or emotional status of the piece. It really feels like the opening of a longer story, much seems hidden in it's words. Dialogue, external and internal is strong, very believably. I'd love to see this become a longer story!

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77
77
Review of "Voices"  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed the vivid imagery of a man's nightly struggle with his inner fears and demons in this poem. The sense of desperation and determination are both strong in these words. I did find the flow could be strengthened by an edit for missed words and puctuation that throw the reader out of the poem's thrall somewhat.
EXAMPLES;
Verse One, Line Four; work of the.. [ missing 'of ' ]
Verse Two; Line Three; I'd use ' into ' rather than ' in '
Verse Four; Line Two; Then I awake, [ missed comma]
Line Three; night mare [ is one word, not two]
Overall, an interesting read that causes the reader to think.

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78
Review of One Little Toad  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed the soothing cadence of this little poem, it is one I would definately read to my kids at bedtime. I found it created some fun, bizarre pictures in my head that kids and parents could enjoy together! Lines four and five particularly come to mind here. One could even set this up to act out as it was read aloud. My only suggestions would be to add commas at the end of each line plus a period at the end of the final line. I was rather breathless reading it without the commas. *Smile*
A fun, imaginative read!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review of The Grave Side  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like both the Title and concept for this short story, however I did see a few bumpy areas that jarred me out of the storyline as I read. One of these was the part where the main character is so deeply angry, and getting angrier.. yet he suddenly breaks into hysterical giggling. One wonders what caused the abrupt shift in emotions, why was he angry to start? what sparked the anger? What I did like was the well done setting woven into this little piece without long narrative dumps. It was very easy to see the location for the most part. Perhaps adding a bit of color by letting us know if it was clear/ overcast, scent through the earth, grass, flowers? Overall, an enjoyable read, I thought your last line endedthe piece perfectly!

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80
80
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Title, Description:: Fantastic Title and descriptive line, perfect for this story!

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents:: I really enjoyed the beautiful location you painted with your vivid imagery in paragraph one. It really hooked me into the story. There are a few bumpy areas that throw your reader out of the story slightly as you go along, mostly where you could and need to add more detail. However, I really feel this story is worth polishing, it certainly catches the heart! Perhaps the first draft of a longer piece?

*Snow1* Plot:: Excellent plot - but I do think it needs a little work to flesh out some story areas as to timeline, events.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue:: I liked your main character, although I would feel closer to him if he had a name. He did come across as loyal, but a bit clingy as well.
Jo seems perfectly sweet, but we don't get to know her inner thoughts, dialogue would help this, see suggestions.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
P1; It was on a small bridge... what was? clarify here to bring reader into scene and storyline.
' raceway' sounds more like where they'd race cars than a creek name, maybe
' spillway'?
that lined lining
P2; How did main character know dog's name at this point? Describe dog and girl's antics/ struggle as they approach instead. Also, if it's so cold, why isn't she wearing hat or hood, maybe it falls off in struggle?
P3; and of this I was sure.
... dog, for his part, [ missed commas in red]
commas needed after ' approached and ' hello '
very momment. on
P14; Can you put this in dialogue to break up long narrative, put reader into scene? Show us thier argument, let us see what they feel/ think. Put it into
' real time'
let go. I think.[ He feels it, he knows]
I'd add a transition line or short paragraph after the love letter to get main character back to bridge, show time passed.
How could he not know she'd been in hospital? Did they not share friends, did he not meet her family?You need to give a sense of thier home situation/ ages earlier on for this to work well. It's a great twist to tweak empathy from readers!
Also, a good edit for punctuation throughout would help polish this piece.

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS::
opening paragraph and ending scenes for description and the emotions they evoke.

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating:: A wonderful first draft to a story that will be truly amazing and heart-warming with a little polish and revising!


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81
81
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I loved the warmth and detail of the imagery in this poem. It certainly takes me back in time and brings nostalgia front and center in my heart! I did feel that some of the verses could do with a little polishing to really shine, for example, in verse one, 'Home front' reads a bit awkward, is there words with a similar meaning you could substitute? I think ' front', is the harsh word there. You also need to revise and add some punctuation in this piece.
Verse One; line one; semi-colon after yuletide- line two; no capital on Home- it's a continuation of previous line- commas after 'front', ' family '- Line three; To[ no capital] comma after ' warmth '
Verse Two; Line one; semi-colon after ' relatives', Line two; ' Usher '- no capital- Line three; comma after ' clusters'
line four; ' Of ' no capital- comma after ' gifts '
Verse three; Line one; semi-colon after ' overflowing- Line two; With- no capital- comma after ' conversations '
Line three; ' And' no capital- comma after ' chit chat '
Line Four; ' Surround '- no capital- period after ' home '

A touching look at a traditional Christmas that I enjoyed very much, let me know if you revise this, I'd be delighted to re-read and change my rating.

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82
82
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Title, Description:: Tittle is interesting, made me curious. Excellent descriptive line, sets the ominous tone for story.

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents:: A heartbreaking tale of darkness, violence, and terror that held my attention throughout. I felt I was there, in that house, or just outside on the porch, aching to get in. [ nope, wouldn't have been bringing milk and cookies]
You have created a powerful world in which the reader stands cemented, wanting, yet unable, to intervene. The world of the young man, and that of the adult, are so different, or are they? A wonderful question to leave us pondering.

*Snow1* Plot:: Plot is well planned, very well executed. Events flow in a straight line. Putting the reader into the son's shoes at the end is a stroke of genius.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue:: I liked the main, POV character very much.He was compelling, strong in his inner self, determined to do the best things he could in varied situations. He had much courage, and it shone through his thoughts and actions.
Dialogue is by inner voice, it flows well and moves the story forward very well.
It certainly kept me hooked into this story.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
God's day, isn't it? [ add comma]
team losing; or if there was....carried into in to him, while...
Then the punches came. [ revise to delete two Then words right together, try;]
Next came the punches.
nearly a man. soon.[ soon is redundant, delete to tighten]
TRY REVISING; mum screamed. and The door slammed [ tightens, breaks up run on sentence]
... ribs. I couldn't ... [ make two sentences]
The End [ delete here, let story flow]
Well, almost. delete- let last paragraphs flow as is, the last sentence is so powerful as part of the overall story.

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS:"
Closing two paragraphs, they really make reader think!

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating:: An excellent, emotional read that leaves one pondering how some can be so cruel.


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83
83
Review of Drive it Home  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Tittle, Description:: Tittle is good, short, snappy, but leads to thinking more of cars. [ maybe just me] Description is interesting and really catches interest combined with tittle.

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents:: I felt the pacing fit in many areas of the story, but many important details seemed to be missing that would drive reader interest higher if included. Example; bruises on Harvey, he's just been robbed, they could be from that, we'd find out later. I was really caught up in the storyline, if this were a novel, I would definately be hooked into buying it.

*Snow1* Plot:: Plot is interesting, very original in it's presentation.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue:: Harvey is an enigma, not knowing his job really makes it hard to get a real sense of him to feel real sympathy. I felt frustration that he couldn't/ wouldn't communicate. He felt very cold to me.
Helen is also hard to feel drawn to, she's like an empty person, robotic almost, until the end. Even an abusive, uncaring wife might let slip a smart, hurtful remark or two. She felt very empty of any feeling to me. Yet, a glimpse here and there into thier past or inner minds would bring them alive very quickly, tiny touches of emotion.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
No typos noted, writing was very strong, crisp, almost over-edited.
dial nine-one. [ I'd add the extra ' one' for clarity.]
Hard to get a sense of place, location, time period, setting.

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS::
Ending scenes, because they reveal character's emotions, inner personalities, not such a dry, stark read.

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating:: An interesting read that I enjoyed, yet was left wishing I'd gotten to know both characters and thier world better.


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84
84
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A cheerful poem to brighten spirits and bring a smile to the reader's face! I liked the quick pacing and snappy lines of this little piece. Descriptions are incredibly vivid, made me want to head for the fridge! Puctuation, grammer are good. Took me a few seconds to catch on to who the character was, but that was part of the fun. Favorite line;
Prepare your ride, and fill the sack, - the part about the ride really made this hilarious to me- guess it's the car fancier in me.
A wonderful read to help bring on that Christmas cheer!

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85
85
Review of The Fool  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I liked the premise and theme of change in this poem. There is a sense of isolation, as though the world has moved on while it's inhabitants remain unaware the first step was even taken. Humour flits through this poem in a ' tounge in cheek' manner. Also a sense of mockery at both those who haven't figured out the change and those trying to bring it fully into the world.
Edit suggestions;
VERSE ONE; Commas after dawn, Young, spawn
Verse Two; maybe add There's at start of line two for flow - commas after coke, smoke, little, toke - period after joke.
Verse Three; commas after hour, flower, tower, period after sun.
Line Two- I's add ' To stop', to glance...delete 'Or'
Verses Three/ Four; need similar punctuation additions.
I enjoyed this poem, last line, verse four is particularly vivid and thought provoking!

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86
86
Review of Freezing Cold  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Tittle, Description:: Great Tittle, description fits, but could use a bit more punch to attract readers.

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents:: Very realistic, I enjoyed how you managed to convey background and feelings through dialogue, action tags.

*Snow1* Plot:: Strong, realistic plot, nicely planned and presented.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue:: Characters are strong and realistic. Dialogue sparkles with realism, you did a great job capturing each man's personality through his words.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
said a second third man [ two already spoke]
being in the cold makes me cold. I'd try for a bit different word here just to avoid two the same so close together. or revise; 'in the cold gives me the chills.'
colder icier than that. [ same as above note]

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS::
When Sam gets grabbed.

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating:: Overall, a well told, extremely humourous read that made me laugh aloud!


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87
87
Review of Pretend  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A beautifully written poem of loss and nostalgia. One can feel the loss and longing in the vivid imagery and strongly shown emotions of this poem. It is very easy to relate to this poem because we all have lost loved ones we wish to spend time with again, perhaps a fleeting momment lost. I did feel the following additions would add to the overall rythm and flow of this poem.
VERSE ONE; My mind's a cinema, [ added ' a' adds clarity]
VERSE TWO; period, not comma after 'days' [ holds rythm]
VERSE FOUR; That happiness was lost [adding ' was' clarifies line, aids flow]

A strongly written poem that will remain in my memory for a long time.

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88
88
Review of The Collapse (1)  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Tittle, Description:: Interesting Tittle and I was intrigued by the descriptive line.

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents:: I felt this story holds incredible potential as a longer piece. Storyline is compelling and very originallly presented. It does need a little reworking for events to flow consistently.

*Snow1* Plot:: Plot has strong potential, this reminded me a little of J.R. Wards writing style, her Fallen Angels series, yet, it is original and updated. I would sincerely love to read more of this story!

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue:: Characters are interesting, multi- layered and even in this short piece I was hooked by both Katy and Grief.
Dialogue is well done, but storyline needs a bit of rearranging for it to reach it's full impact.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
Here are my suggestions on what was confusing, a bit bumpy in the flow of events that pulled me out of the story a little.
Line One; I'd revise this to read something like;
Her mind replayed the words over and over again, like a tape stauck on repeat.
I'd also delete the scene with the chocolate couch, how'd Katy get there, than back to the Ultra sound room and hospital bathroom? [ DO save it for later in the story though, it's great in putting the reader into that scene.]
Again, I'd make this a much longer story, what happens to Katy's son? Does Grief aid both Katy and the son, how?

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS::
The repeated words at beginning, so many possibilities for explanation!
When Grief makes his appearance.

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating:: An intriqing and reader catching first draft and opening storyline that made me want to read on and on!


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89
89
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed the strong, vivid imagery of this poem. The images and descriptions place the reader right into the poem's world. I felt I was there partaking of the events. Events happen in a logical sequence, creating a storyline to follow, which really allows this piece to linger in one's mind. I felt very nostalgic as I read. I do have some punctuation suggestions that I felt improved the flow and rythm when read aloud.
Verse Two, Line Three; replace semi-colon with comma.
Verse Three; Line Two; I'd replace semi-colon with period - capitilize ' Like' next line, and replace ' dangled ' with ' sparkled' or ' glittered' [ hold's reader's immersion in scene better.]
Verse Four, LINE TWO; change comma to period after ' pine', Line Three- replace ' then' with 'They' [ capitilize it- keeps flow and presentation in sync with previous verses.]
Verse Five; comma after ' shrubs'
Verse Seven; change comma to period after ' high' - capitilise ' Then'

A beautiful poem about Christmas that is a true pleasure to read.

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90
90
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The tittle caught my eye instantly on this piece, who doesn't love easy when it comes to cooking?! I enjoyed the easy, conversational tone of this piece, like two friends trading secrets over hot chocolate! What I liked about this article is not only the recipe, which sounds scrumptious for one or two people, but I also liked the backstory in which we learn a little about the author and how she came to try this recipe. I also liked the suggestions for the use of turkey throughout the year, very helpful and nutricious. I'd add stuffing, even the stovetop type to this, it's great for sandwiches later and hey, who can resist stuffing?
A helpful, easy to prepare recipe for busy cooks all year round!

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91
91
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Tittle, Description:: Wonderful tittle and descriptive line, they pulled me right in to read the story!

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents:: I enjoyed spending time with Granny and her family tonight, they made me feel right at home! Very nostalgic. The Contents brought back so many memories from childhood and when my kids were growing up. We had the same tradition in our family on Christmas Eve, although I couldn't tell you how it started. It is a great memory.

*Snow1* Plot:: Plot is simple, straightforward and beautifully told in this little story.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue:: Characters are realistic and I felt as if I knew Granny - the young married couple were beautifully portrayed and I felt I was in the room with them.

ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
No typos noted and I have no constructive suggestions to improve this story, it's great as it is.

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS::
Granny's tale of how the tradition began.

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts and Rating:: A sweet, happy little story that will remind you of holidays past and put a smile on your face!


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92
92
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The tittle caught my eye and once I read the descriptive line, just had to have a look. The first part was interesting, but the ' for your listening pleasure' section puts it all into focus! Oh, I am glad I did not read this when I was younger- yup, I'd have given my mom gray hairs many years early, my dad would likely have strangled on his eggnog trying not to laugh or let mom see him doing so... and yes, I'd have been singing at the top of my lungs. *Smile* What I loved most about this piece was the laughter it brought me, I will think of it many times this holiday season with pleasure! The writing flows, the lyrics just make you want to sing ! Need some cheering up this season? Give this a piece a read... it's certain to make you grin!

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93
93
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*: Excellent Tittle, eye catching descriptive line.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: A how-to piece filled with wonderful inspiration on writing for all ages!
PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: I loved the easy, conversational style of this piece. It is very well laid out and easy to follow. You'll find plenty of inspiration here for writing over the Holiday season - plus, you can take many of these prompts and turn them into great story ideas for other times of the year, just throw a little twist into the wording.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*N/A

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: Not really applicable, but it can certainly inspire emotions in one's mind!

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*:
The prompts list and particularly the extra links to even more prompts to get you thinking and creativity flowing.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*:
None, this piece is really interesting and well put together as is.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*: Need inspiration? Looking for something new to write about? Give this article a read, I know I enjoyed it!


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An "Invalid Item"  Review

94
94
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*: Interesting Tittle. The descriptive line is both a draw and challenge to read this story. Nicely done!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: I must admit, this story gave me conflicting feelings on death penalities. We don't have them here in Canada,at least not yet, so this story was quite a wake up call to me.

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: I felt the plot was both well planned and well delivered. Flow is smooth throughout, with no rough, confusing places to throw readers out of the story. There is quite a bit of long narrative, and I wasn't really certain who was actually ' telling' the story. [ I assumed it was Lee, but it didn't sound like his voice until the very end] Still, the storyline and events made me want to keep reading.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: Lee is definately well planned and shown in this story. I liked the person he was before Hogan came along. [ rather felt Hogan should be in the prison right beside Lee] I was impressed by the back story of Lee as a child, although I wondered why his parents never tried to help him prior to the heroin.
Doc is a memorable character - although his appearance is brief.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: Imagery is strong and vivid in this story, particularly the opening and last closing paragraphs. The descriptions of Lee's carving abilities was particularly touching.
Emotion is strong, yet somehow remote- like it's filtered through a character it doesn't quite touch, still, one would expect that feeling from an addict.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*:
Lee's childhood memories.
His creative abilities.
Ending, for it's memorability, and the relief I felt Lee's suffering was done.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*:
Just to perhaps add some clarity to who is telling the story- although it could just be me on this part.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*: A sad, memorable story of a person's potential lost due to bad choices and peer pressure. This is a story that will make you squirm as you read it!


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An "Invalid Item"  Review

95
95
Review of The Grudge Girl  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*; Catchy tittle, interesting descriptive line.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: Reminded a little of the novel ' Carrie' by Stephen King. Interesting locale and reactions.

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: Plot is well portrayed, but could use a little fleshing out. Is this a new girl? What secrets does she hide? Why is everyone in a costume?

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: Two main characters are very interesting, but I didn't get to know either well enough to cheer one or the other. I'd try adding a little more to Grudge Girl's story, new, rumours, etc.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: Imagery is very vivid, although a brief explanation of why they're in costumes would be good. Emotion is well shown in the girl who's afraid.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*:
Introduction of Grudge Girl.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*;
My only real suggestions are noted above and also this feels like just the introduction to a longer story rather than a complete story, it doesn't exactly have an ending that solves anything.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*; An interesting and enjoyable storyline that I'd love to re-read if you do a longer version.


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An "Invalid Item"  Review

96
96
Review of Black Roses  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A really great tittle and creepy descriptive line, it pulled me right into reading! I enjoyed the plot and theme of this little story very much, it's distinctive and you get so much drama and horror across with very few words. I do have a couple of suggestions for tightening up the story, feel free to ignore them if you feel they don't work for you.
fresh grave. [and- delete this, new sentence] Slowly...ground, [ need comma here] slaughtering...
departed, [they may - delete these] try ' some'
And [ delete] Around... Hamar [ they- delete] try roses [ repitition adds horror/ drama]
A great little tale I enjoyed very much!

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An "Invalid Item"  Review

97
97
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*: Tittle and description are captivating. Had to read it in this season.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: Oh, WOW- I got more than I bargained for here! Haunting, definately memorable- it's all I'll say without giving it away, except read this one!

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*; Wonderfully thought out and presented in a crisp, flawless style that won't let you quit reading. Flow is fast paced and so smooth one cannot believe they've reached the end.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: Santa is multi-layered, easy to see and relate to, though I kept hoping he'd do more. Sara is an unforgettable little person one cannot help but want to scoop up in your arms.
Dialogue is clean, crisp, moves story along perfectly without huge info dumps to lose reader attention and pacing.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: Imagery is so strong, I felt I was standing at Santa's side, listening and observing. Emotion is just overwhelming!

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*;
When Sara first speaks to Santa, ending for it's emotional whammy.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*;
None, this story will stand in my memory forever.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*: A strong, compelling read that you will hold close to your heart forever. Don't forget the box of tissues before you begin reading!


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An "Invalid Item"  Review

98
98
Review of Fleeting  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*: Excellent tittle. Description is enticing.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: I liked the premise you used for this story, it is solid and many can relate to the main character's conflicts.

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: Strong plot, but needs a little re-thinking to be as strong as it promises to be. I found the flow was broken and rough in spots due to not sticking to one POV and by awkwardly worded sentences. A good revision and polish would really make this story sizzle!

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: Characters are strong and play against each other well. I was confused about Zuri's age until the closing paragraphs, thought she was the little girl.
Dialogue is strong, but confusing as to whom is speaking in places, ie; grandmother, mother, Zuri.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: I didn't get a strong feel of imagery until the ending. Emotion is high throughout, such anger.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*:
ending, for it's clarity, strong description.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*:
Grandma , said slyly.
to her, although... [ comma needed here]
figurines, which were never moved[ delete, use as seperate line and thought]
to at Butch for support.
Butch appears to leave, than Zuri is having heart to heart with mom, suddenly Butch and mom are yelling at her, where'd he come from? This part threw me right out of story, try revising and adding short transition line to clarify.
Try to hint at daydreaming earlier in story to add continuity.
A good revision and polish throughout would make this a truly captivating story.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*: Start of an amazing tale many could easily relate to!


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An "Invalid Item"  Review

99
99
Review of The Candy Store  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*: Great tittle, your descriptive line enticed me into reading!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: Just enchanting! Nostalgia overwhelmed me as I read about this little shop. [ okay, mouthwatering hunger hit me too...*Bigsmile*]

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: Plot of this little story is elegantly portrayed and it's theme of starting fresh was woven deftly into the tale.
Flow is smooth throughout, not one rough spot to be seen. I was so caught up in the story, I was shocked it had ended, would love to read more about these people and thier shop!

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: Both main characters are completely real and so three dimensional they leap off the page and into your heart. Swen is amazing.
Dialogue flows with ease, moving the story along like water flowing over rocks.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: Imagery is astoundingly complete, detailed without overwhelming and adds so much reality to the piece, one just wants to head out and visit the shop and it's owners! Emotion is light-hearted and realistic.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*:
When the little girl comes in with her quarter.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*:
Nothing came to mind that would improve this joyful tale.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*: A wonderful read that lifts the spirit and reaffirms the basic goodness and joy to be found in the world.


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An "Invalid Item"  Review

100
100
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITTLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*: Interesting tittle, descriptive line fits story content well.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: There is an underlying sweetness and sense of hope to this story that can only be expressed by a young child. It hooked me into this story, and held my interest throughout.

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: The plot of a mother overhearing her child speaking to someone she cannot see is well planned, it's theme of the child learning to cope with death is well portrayed.
Flow is for the most part smooth, but there is a couple of spots where you change POV's. Example; you start with mom overhearing her daughter talking., she is observing, thinking her own thoughts. Then it changes to the little girl and Angel sharing confidences about what tears are and the Angel gives permission for the daughter to share with mom, this seemed to be a slight change in pov to me.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: Characters are nicely developed and realistic, although I would have liked to see a little more emotion from Mom, is she concerned for her child's state of mind, that someone has gotten into the yard? I didn't get a sense of truly knowing these characters.
Dialogue is believable, well presented, moves storyline ahead nicely.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: Imagery could be a little stronger, I didn't really get a sense of location or season. Is there a breeze, sunshine? Any smells, sounds other than speaking? Put the reader into the scenes.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*:
tears are like jewels from our love.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*;
back door;/ elm tree, [ added semi-colon, comma end run on sentence]
crossed over----- her face [ formatting, this is one sentence, but it looks like two with large space on top line.]
nod od affirmation, [ helps flow]
embrace, partly to hide....

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*: Overall, an entertaining and enjoyable read that I recommend for all ages. [ It's nice to read another LongRidgeWritersGroup Author! *Smile*


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An "Invalid Item"  Review

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