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Public Reviews
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1
Review of My Journey  
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello warriormom,

I am reviewing your entry for "Rising Stars Shining Brighter [E]

This is a well written poem with a beautiful message. I love your descriptiveness and the feel of this.

I was pulled in from the beginning with the delightful:
"I gleefully meandered beside
giggling waters and smelled the
fragrance of southern pines."

Well done, Pat!

Warm regards,
~des

** Image ID #1215953 Unavailable **
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2
Review of MY PURPOSE  
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Maria Mize ,

I am reviewing your entry for "MY PURPOSE [E].

This is a lovely poem of praise and faith. I am touched by the open and forthright explanation at the end. Well-written, Maria.

Warm regards,
~des

** Image ID #1215953 Unavailable **
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3
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dear Dr M C Gupta ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

I really appreciate this entry. This is a powerful poem and your structure is consistent. My favorites are the 1st stanza and the ending. The first stanza flowed so naturally and poetically. I am touched by your phrasing and emotion of this with the spirit of desiring peace.

A possible suggestion:
Stanza 4/line 2 "Twin towers did collapse" perhaps "The twin towers collapsed" (which is essentially still a rhyme with "perhaps")

Thank you for your entry. It is always a pleasure to see you in the contest.

Warm regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop
4
4
Review of Ambience  
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi jaya ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E]

This is such a lovely poem - romantic, spiritual, mystical - and a deep pleasure to read.
It takes me to another place inside, and it is beautiful there.

This poem has a thoroughly wonderful flow... my only hesitation was at the line
"The be-all and end-all" - as that feels more like slang expression.

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you!

Warm regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop
5
5
Review by destinydances
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi ron187 ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

I like your poem. I appreciate the rawness of it which evokes thought and emotion. I like that you have mixed more coarse language with softer, "romantic" language. I also appreciate the poignancy of the ending.

I would suggest looking at your punctuation again, to see if you've placed it where you would like the reader to pause. I noticed sometimes the word I was capitalized and the sometimes not. My tendency would be to suggest that whichever way it's used should be consistent. There's a few spelling things: line 2 "is it just another heart your buying." (your should be you're - contraction for you are). A couple times you used "hearts" for heart is which would typically be heart's, but it seems like you're not using apostrophies. So, perhaps the suggestion about you're would be youre. 4th line from the bottom has a typo "Again i drink the posison from the vial"

This is a powerful poem. Thank you for submitting it to the contest. We hope to see more from you!

Warm regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop
6
6
Review of Carpe Diem  
Review by destinydances
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Gravedigger Dave ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

This poem is "earthy romantic." I've never used that expression before, but this seemed to call for it. *Smile* To me, you have more romantic phrasing mixed with "grittier" or "more tangible" phrasing... such as "morph", "concluding episode", "roast some oysters", "tangled up in love". I appreciate the way they compliment each other.

It appears you have the grossblank form down. I'm not sure if it was all in iambic pentameter, but my pentameter counter isn't always accurate. I would suggest browsing over for punctuation, to see if you have us pausing where you want us to.

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

 
IMAGE
inspirations butterflies  (E)
image from bits & pieces shop
#1383297 by destinydances
7
7
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi ShiShad ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

Your poem uses straight-forward language and metaphor to convey a sense of honest emotional expression which I appreciate. Your abab rhyme scheme was successful.

I would suggest looking at the punctuation again, to see if it appears where you would like the reader to pause.
For instance, the last stanza:
"Fall is everywhere near it appears
Beneath a mountain I'm watching its
Russet hues of sunset, color years,
Leaving behind warmth that youth permits"

I read a few times and my mind wanted to read it as:
"Fall is everywhere near, it appears.
Beneath a mountain I'm watching its
Russet hues of sunset color years,
Leaving behind warmth that youth permits."

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

image from bits & pieces shop
8
8
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Robin Millstone #TheRhymeMaven ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

I appreciate the straight-forward language and the flow of this piece, as well as the message conveyed.

A couple small things gave me pause,
I'm not sure if stanza 2/line 1 needs the comma within
For me, the meter would feel more consistent if stanza 2/line 4 "With smiles and deceit" was "With smiles and with deceit".

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

image from bits & pieces shop
9
9
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Dr M C Gupta ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E]

I very much appreciate the message of this poem. (To me) personal accountability and treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. Your poems often convey a sense of humbleness, spirituality, and caring tenderness to me, and this is no exception.

While I appreciate the sentiments and the imagery, some of the phrasing feels a little awkward such as "I don’t know if my next meal I will get" and "My clothes are dirty, they stink and are wet." In the line "I knew not then what’s poverty and strife" consider "I knew not then of poverty and strife."

Thank you for submitting this to the contest. We always appreciate your entries and look forward to seeing more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

image from bits & pieces shop
10
10
Review of Perfect  
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Chuck,

Welcome to writing.com!

I love this poem! You have wonderful, interesting, and vivid descriptions. "blissfully unaware of her cozy aura" *Thumbsup*

I might suggest going back through and seeing if your verb tenses are consistent. (some was past, most present... some of the past ones might work better as present also)
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11
Review of Whore  
Review by destinydances
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Michelle!

I am reviewing your poem for "SHERRI'S SIZZLING SUMMER AUCTION CLOSED [E] and also for the fun of it!

*Laugh* This is great!

In scanning your port, I was drawn to this title and the "by-line." *Thumbsup*
Very clever! I like it a lot!

It reminded me of that certain male mentality that advises us of our unique need and then how that certain male is uniquely suited to fill it. *Bigsmile* I love that you maintain your sense of self and remain unswayed, despite your casual interest in said behavior. I also love the somewhat irreverent ending, which read to me like, "hey, what the heck, I love men... they are pleasurable things to have around." *Laugh* You said a lot to me in a few words! *Thumbsup*

My mind wanted to insert a period at the end of the 2nd lines in stanzas 1 & 3. It also kept considering the ending stanza and a balance between the phrases related to the woman and the man. "I am just a woman" and "You are just a man" OR "I am a woman" and "You are a man" Also, I wondered if the word "that" was necessary in the last line.

I really enjoyed this poem a lot! I look forward to reading more!

Warm regards,
~Brenda
12
12
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear lidi ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Rising Stars Shining Brighter [E].

Oh, Lidi, this is breathtaking. I am deeply touched by your lovely words that create such a wonderful feeling of that spiritual place. This is soothing and joyful to read.

Your sentence structure and punctuation is good. I only have 2 possible small suggestions... The first line "In the quiet of the night there is a stillness that welcomes me to a place of rest." could be said with less words "In the quiet of the night, stillness welcomes me to a place of rest." Also, in the line "Will you come away with me again my beloved?" He said. Perhaps... "Will you come away with me again, my beloved?" He asked.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem!

Warm regards,
~des

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13
Review of Just a Farmer  
Review by destinydances
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ben Langhinrichs ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item

A delightful sing-song tale in wonderful rhyme and meter... very creative, and a touch of sad within the humor. *Thumbsup*

One possible suggestion for this stanza:

No matter how I tried I failed,
I could not write another book.
But still my first was often hailed, (And so my first was often hailed,)
A “one-time wonder, come and look!” ("A one-time wonder, come and look!")

Thank you for submitting this poem to the cafe. We hope to see more from you!

Regards,
~des

shareable cafe review sig
14
14
Review of Entry  
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Robert Wolfe ,

I'm reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

I love this poem! Your words paint vivid physical and emotional landscapes that give me a sense of being there.

Some favorite lines:
"Chewing straw with the earthen scent of work"
"I blow rings of smoke as the Great Star emblazons its piteous beauty..."
and the ending 4 lines *Thumbsup*

There were only a couple little things I noticed...
I wondered in line 5 "more even than in where the sun still"
(perhaps "even more than where the sun still"
Line 13: "What a wonderous passtime, idling." (wondrous pastime)
Line 17: "emblazons its piteous beauty upon that wester canvas" (western)

Thank you for sharing this excellent poem with us! We hope to see more from you!

Regards,
~des

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Review of A Dreamer's Web  
Review by destinydances
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Gravedigger Dave ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E]

A sestina?? *Shock* A format I have not yet tried, but I can appreciate it is complex without actually writing one.

I immediately recognized rich, descriptive language... but had to read it a couple times to get my sense of what was going on.

In stanza 4 "our weaver"... I wondered when he became ours... perhaps "this weaver" I'm not sure about the use of "round" in the last line of the 4th stanza. I also wondered about the use of "bound" in the last line.

Thank you for submitting this descriptive and complex poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop
16
16
Review of For Rent  
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi NOVAcatmando ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

This is a touching and clever poem. As a mom of teenagers I can relate to it! After years of sacrificing and stressing and putting yourself last, what do you do once you can suddenly do something for yourself? I imagine myself doing just what you described. *Laugh*

In stanza 2 line 2 I wondered about "nix endless list of things to do." perhaps "nixed endless lists of things to do."
I wondered also about the phrasing of the last line and whether repeating the first line as the last line might work better.

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop
17
17
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi ShiShad ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

What a lovely, light-hearted poem. I can almost imagine you singing that to your special person, and the smile that would bring. *Smile*

I was pleased to read that MC helped you with the meter of this poem. He is a nice man. I believe he usually does the abcb rhyme scheme. The abab in this one is more restrictive for word choices and with so few beats per line it is harder for those rhymes to flow naturally.

This is a sweet and tender poem. Thank you for submitting it to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop

18
18
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi jaya ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

This poem has breathtaking imagery which I can feel through your words as sensory and spiritual experience. Your phrasings are always beautifully poetic.

I did wonder some about not starting the first line with the word "when" also.

In stanza 3/line 6 "Their fresh fragrance assaulting my senses,"
"assaulting" seemed a somewhat strong word within the poem, perhaps something like "permeating"
in the last line I also wondered about "avenues" which didn't seem to quite go along with the spiritual, beautiful images of nature up to that point... perhaps something like "pathways"

Another wonderful poem, rich with your beautiful poetic voice. Thank you for submitting this to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop

19
19
Review of The Candidate  
Review by destinydances
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ben Langhinrichs ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

WOW! This is an incredibly moving poem. It is both mentally and emotionally satisfying. I didn't know how much I loved this structure until you used it here. Normally poems with such a repetition seem too wordy or awkward to me, but you have employed the use of refrains to perfection here for me. They were chilling and poignant, emphasizing what you were saying in exactly the right ways. The whole narrative is incredible, the phrasing and the rhyme flow naturally and poignantly. The poem builds and builds to a great closing stanza. This poem touched me with tears. Did I say that already? Most of the lines are my favorites, but some standouts for me are "The noise grows distant in my ear." The meaning of that is clear, but you aren't leading me by the hand with it. Additionally, it feels like I as the reader know what it means before the subject does. Moreover, I feel you have captured some emotion of the subject in this situation... like, when he said "To see once more your loving smile." Being apart from the experience, we know that if she were there she would not be smiling... but the subject could quite possibly still be thinking that way.

I appreciated your entry in the forum about this poem. It is nice to know that you spend so much time on each poem. (Especially this past month when you did it 13 times! *Thumbsup*)

If I were to offer any suggestion it would be that your meter feels perfect to me with one exception "cacaphony of cries" - perhaps "a jumbling of cries" or something like that.

Anyway, BRAVO, Ben! Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop
20
20
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dr M C Gupta ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

I love this poem. I feel it as honest personal expression, written from the heart and soul and guided by the mind. All of these work together to reveal your depth of tenderness and sensitivity. It is touching and insightful. The stanzas followed a logical progression that built to the ending. The ending stanza was perfect for me, with the prompt used so well and poignantly.

In stanza 1/line 4 "Wings why often I swing." I keep wanting to read that as "Wings why I often swing." Stanza 2/line 1 "But..." consider "So..."

Thank you for submitting this wonderful poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Warm Regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop
21
21
Review by destinydances
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ben Langhinrichs ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

A ballade? *Thumbsup* In trochaic tetrameter? *Thumbsup* For the cafe? *Bigsmile* Well done, Ben! I loved it even before I opened it " Dedicated to bohemian poets, wherever they may gather." Very clever... and very you. *Smile* Props for having your "b" line consisting of words that rhyme with "schmoozing". This is a delightful poem that was fun to read... and I have an understanding of what effort that would take to make it so.

We appreciate your contribution to the cafe! We hope to see more from you!

Regards,
~des

shareable cafe review sig
22
22
Review of Human Dysfunction  
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lain Athidus ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

I like this poem. The first thing that caught my eye is I appreciate how it looks on the page. I also like the straight-forward language and random rhyming - and the exclamation points! - it feels very energized, conveying a sense of anxiety and/or confusion which I feel was appropriate to what you were saying. I actually had to slow my mind down and read it deliberately because it pulls me along so quickly that I can't keep up. I noticed this is the only item in your port. I hope that means it is just the first of many more to come.

You are a talented writer. Thank you for submitting this to the contest. We hope you will be back with us. *Thumbsup*

Regards,
~des

~~Image ID# 1461358's Content Rating Exceeds Item Content Rating~~
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Review of CRUSH HOUR  
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi smithy ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

What a delightful poem you have submitted. I thoroughly enjoyed this! The rhythm and the phrasing make it fun to read. Your structure (a/a/b/b stanzas with 8 syllables per line) fits your poem subject very well. This is humorous and follows a logical order with some unique poetic expression (such as: "with textured air like grated cheese" *Laugh*).

I wondered slightly about "Germs surf the breeze of each wet sneeze" perhaps "on each wet sneeze"? In stanza 5, line 4 I believe bosses should have an apostrophe at the end (bosses').

Again, a pleasure to read! Thank you for submitting this in the contest. We hope to see you back! *Thumbsup*

Regards,
~des

~~Image ID# 1461358's Content Rating Exceeds Item Content Rating~~
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Review of Ballade of Sorrow  
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ben Langhinrichs

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

Ben! Congratulations on winning 1st place in the ballade contest with this poem! It was well-deserved, especially that you have since experienced a ballade addiction... and even kindly encouraged me to write one also. It is indeed a challenging form to write. I'm glad you put so much time and effort into writing for the prompt "drawn together." Last month I commented about your genius, and asked about you writing something with emotion. You have done that.

Overall the refrain works well for me, the last one a little less than the others. I'm also hesitating with the phrasing of "A misplaced seed did fatal wound impart." Perhaps "The seed misplaced did fatal wound impart." Referring back to the first time the seed was mentioned in that stanza. Also, on that reference "Which grew within her womb like precious seed." I would suggest it was not "like" precious seed, but "is" precious seed. Perhaps "Which grew within her womb from precious seed." But, then again, it didn't really grow in her womb if it was misplaced?
Perhaps:
"Her eyes alight, she told me of a pearl
Which grew within her womb like precious seed."
(To grow within her womb from precious seed.)

Again, Ben... excellent writing... definitely challenging, and emotional as well.

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to keep seeing more from you.

Regards,
~des

from bits & pieces shop
25
25
Review by destinydances
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi {relentlessly restless} ,

I am reviewing your entry for "INSPIRATIONS [E].

Your poem conveys a sense of longing. I love the lines:
"Words fail to break through,
And recoil with sympathy."

The rhyme (abcb) and meter flow much better for me in the last 3 stanzas than in the first 2. With most of the poem revolving around the dance metaphor, I'm not sure of the expression "He'll play out his life - with fingers to toy." I am not understanding that line.

Thank you for submitting your poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Regards,
~des
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