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276 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of My Journey  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello warriormom,

I am reviewing your entry for "Rising Stars Shining Brighter [E]

This is a well written poem with a beautiful message. I love your descriptiveness and the feel of this.

I was pulled in from the beginning with the delightful:
"I gleefully meandered beside
giggling waters and smelled the
fragrance of southern pines."

Well done, Pat!

Warm regards,
~des

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2
2
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jaya ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Rising Stars Shining Brighter [E]

This poem has a lovely, romantic feel... it is light and tender as it touches the heart like a soft breeze. Your descriptions allow me to feel the words.

Well done, Jaya

warm regards,
~des

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3
3
Review of MY PURPOSE  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Maria Mize ,

I am reviewing your entry for "MY PURPOSE [E].

This is a lovely poem of praise and faith. I am touched by the open and forthright explanation at the end. Well-written, Maria.

Warm regards,
~des

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4
4
Review of Bits of Paradise  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Dear jaya ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

Your writing so often has a mystical, spiritual feel, and this one is no exception. I enjoy being transported to the places you describe. This poem is light-hearted and a pleasure to read.

I would suggest looking back at the punctuation to see if it's suggesting the reader pause where you want us to. The first 4 stanzas, of 4 lines each, have one period at the end of the stanza - but there seems like there should be punctuation for pause at the end of each 2nd line also? It seems there is the poem's subject, another person, and a nightingale on the hill; therefore, I was not sure of the subject "sing(ing) a sweet solo" followed by the nightingale "conquer(ing) the silence." I am also not sure of describing that scene as "magical madness." Magical, yes. *Smile*

Thank you for your entry. We are always pleased to see you and look forward to reading more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

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5
5
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Dear alfred booth, wanbli ska ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

This is a romantic, wistful poem which is straight-forward and easy to read.

I do think the flow would be smoother without so many instances of "the" and some of the other small words. I am also wondering about the punctuation (one dash and two commas), if the flow is enhanced by them and, if so, if more might be better?

We are always happy to see your entries and look forward to reading more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

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6
6
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dear Dr M C Gupta ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

I really appreciate this entry. This is a powerful poem and your structure is consistent. My favorites are the 1st stanza and the ending. The first stanza flowed so naturally and poetically. I am touched by your phrasing and emotion of this with the spirit of desiring peace.

A possible suggestion:
Stanza 4/line 2 "Twin towers did collapse" perhaps "The twin towers collapsed" (which is essentially still a rhyme with "perhaps")

Thank you for your entry. It is always a pleasure to see you in the contest.

Warm regards,
~des

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7
7
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Krysha,

I am reviewing your poem for the cafe.

Excellent sonnet to the love story of Romeo and Juliet. *Thumbsup*

Perhaps commas at the end of stanza 2/line 3 and stanza 3/line 3?

Thank you for the pleasure of such a well-written sonnet!

Warm regards,
~des
8
8
Review of Ambience  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi jaya ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item

This is such a lovely poem - romantic, spiritual, mystical - and a deep pleasure to read.
It takes me to another place inside, and it is beautiful there.

This poem has a thoroughly wonderful flow... my only hesitation was at the line
"The be-all and end-all" - as that feels more like slang expression.

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you!

Warm regards,
~des

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9
9
Review of Insecurity  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi β˜…π’¦π“‡π“Žπ“ˆπ’½π’Άβ˜… ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item

I LOVE a well-written sonnet, and this is certainly one! The rhyme scheme and meter are spot on. The poem conveys powerful thought and emotion, follows a natural flow, and ends perfectly for me. Excellent use of the prompt.

I only have a couple small phrasing suggestions

We’ve both had pasts that brought us only pain.
(only? or "so much" or "too much")

In this stanza:
We see the scars, we touch the half-healed cuts.
We know the burning pain of bleeding heart.
And still, the door to trust is steadfast shut.
You think we both would want a fresh, new start.

consider:
We see the scars, we touch the half-healed cuts. (could either "the" be replaced by "our"?)
We know the burning pain of doubting heart ~
That there, the door to trust is steadfast shut
You'd think we both would want a fresh, new start.

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest! We hope to see more from you!

Warm regards,
~des

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10
10
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi ron187 ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

I like your poem. I appreciate the rawness of it which evokes thought and emotion. I like that you have mixed more coarse language with softer, "romantic" language. I also appreciate the poignancy of the ending.

I would suggest looking at your punctuation again, to see if you've placed it where you would like the reader to pause. I noticed sometimes the word I was capitalized and the sometimes not. My tendency would be to suggest that whichever way it's used should be consistent. There's a few spelling things: line 2 "is it just another heart your buying." (your should be you're - contraction for you are). A couple times you used "hearts" for heart is which would typically be heart's, but it seems like you're not using apostrophies. So, perhaps the suggestion about you're would be youre. 4th line from the bottom has a typo "Again i drink the posison from the vial"

This is a powerful poem. Thank you for submitting it to the contest. We hope to see more from you!

Warm regards,
~des

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11
11
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi ShiShad ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

Your poem uses straight-forward language and metaphor to convey a sense of honest emotional expression which I appreciate. Your abab rhyme scheme was successful.

I would suggest looking at the punctuation again, to see if it appears where you would like the reader to pause.
For instance, the last stanza:
"Fall is everywhere near it appears
Beneath a mountain I'm watching its
Russet hues of sunset, color years,
Leaving behind warmth that youth permits"

I read a few times and my mind wanted to read it as:
"Fall is everywhere near, it appears.
Beneath a mountain I'm watching its
Russet hues of sunset color years,
Leaving behind warmth that youth permits."

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

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12
12
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Robin Millstone #TheRhymeMaven ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

I appreciate the straight-forward language and the flow of this piece, as well as the message conveyed.

A couple small things gave me pause,
I'm not sure if stanza 2/line 1 needs the comma within
For me, the meter would feel more consistent if stanza 2/line 4 "With smiles and deceit" was "With smiles and with deceit".

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

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13
13
Review of heliotropic light  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi alfred booth, wanbli ska ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

As always, you have exquisite poetic phrasing.

A favorite part:
"chaos yearns just before the limpid grey of your veiled silence"

I wasn't quite feeling the form of this one and wondered about the punctuation. I will admit, I was a little confused in places - but that could just be me.

Warm regards,
~des

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14
14
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Dr M C Gupta ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item

I very much appreciate the message of this poem. (To me) personal accountability and treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. Your poems often convey a sense of humbleness, spirituality, and caring tenderness to me, and this is no exception.

While I appreciate the sentiments and the imagery, some of the phrasing feels a little awkward such as "I don’t know if my next meal I will get" and "My clothes are dirty, they stink and are wet." In the line "I knew not then what’s poverty and strife" consider "I knew not then of poverty and strife."

Thank you for submitting this to the contest. We always appreciate your entries and look forward to seeing more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

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15
15
Review of Perfect  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Chuck,

Welcome to writing.com!

I love this poem! You have wonderful, interesting, and vivid descriptions. "blissfully unaware of her cozy aura" *Thumbsup*

I might suggest going back through and seeing if your verb tenses are consistent. (some was past, most present... some of the past ones might work better as present also)
16
16
Review of Whore  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Michelle!

I am reviewing your poem for "SHERRI'S SIZZLING SUMMER AUCTION CLOSED [E] and also for the fun of it!

*Laugh* This is great!

In scanning your port, I was drawn to this title and the "by-line." *Thumbsup*
Very clever! I like it a lot!

It reminded me of that certain male mentality that advises us of our unique need and then how that certain male is uniquely suited to fill it. *Bigsmile* I love that you maintain your sense of self and remain unswayed, despite your casual interest in said behavior. I also love the somewhat irreverent ending, which read to me like, "hey, what the heck, I love men... they are pleasurable things to have around." *Laugh* You said a lot to me in a few words! *Thumbsup*

My mind wanted to insert a period at the end of the 2nd lines in stanzas 1 & 3. It also kept considering the ending stanza and a balance between the phrases related to the woman and the man. "I am just a woman" and "You are just a man" OR "I am a woman" and "You are a man" Also, I wondered if the word "that" was necessary in the last line.

I really enjoyed this poem a lot! I look forward to reading more!

Warm regards,
~Brenda
17
17
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear lidi ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Rising Stars Shining Brighter [E].

Oh, Lidi, this is breathtaking. I am deeply touched by your lovely words that create such a wonderful feeling of that spiritual place. This is soothing and joyful to read.

Your sentence structure and punctuation is good. I only have 2 possible small suggestions... The first line "In the quiet of the night there is a stillness that welcomes me to a place of rest." could be said with less words "In the quiet of the night, stillness welcomes me to a place of rest." Also, in the line "Will you come away with me again my beloved?" He said. Perhaps... "Will you come away with me again, my beloved?" He asked.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem!

Warm regards,
~des

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18
18
Review of Entry  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Robert Wolfe ,

I'm reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

I love this poem! Your words paint vivid physical and emotional landscapes that give me a sense of being there.

Some favorite lines:
"Chewing straw with the earthen scent of work"
"I blow rings of smoke as the Great Star emblazons its piteous beauty..."
and the ending 4 lines *Thumbsup*

There were only a couple little things I noticed...
I wondered in line 5 "more even than in where the sun still"
(perhaps "even more than where the sun still"
Line 13: "What a wonderous passtime, idling." (wondrous pastime)
Line 17: "emblazons its piteous beauty upon that wester canvas" (western)

Thank you for sharing this excellent poem with us! We hope to see more from you!

Regards,
~des

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19
19
Review of A Dreamer's Web  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Dave ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item

A sestina?? *Shock* A format I have not yet tried, but I can appreciate it is complex without actually writing one.

I immediately recognized rich, descriptive language... but had to read it a couple times to get my sense of what was going on.

In stanza 4 "our weaver"... I wondered when he became ours... perhaps "this weaver" I'm not sure about the use of "round" in the last line of the 4th stanza. I also wondered about the use of "bound" in the last line.

Thank you for submitting this descriptive and complex poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Regards,
~des

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20
20
Review of For Rent  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi NOVAcatmando ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

This is a touching and clever poem. As a mom of teenagers I can relate to it! After years of sacrificing and stressing and putting yourself last, what do you do once you can suddenly do something for yourself? I imagine myself doing just what you described. *Laugh*

In stanza 2 line 2 I wondered about "nix endless list of things to do." perhaps "nixed endless lists of things to do."
I wondered also about the phrasing of the last line and whether repeating the first line as the last line might work better.

Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Regards,
~des

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21
21
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi ShiShad ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

What a lovely, light-hearted poem. I can almost imagine you singing that to your special person, and the smile that would bring. *Smile*

I was pleased to read that MC helped you with the meter of this poem. He is a nice man. I believe he usually does the abcb rhyme scheme. The abab in this one is more restrictive for word choices and with so few beats per line it is harder for those rhymes to flow naturally.

This is a sweet and tender poem. Thank you for submitting it to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Regards,
~des

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22
22
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi jaya ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

This poem has breathtaking imagery which I can feel through your words as sensory and spiritual experience. Your phrasings are always beautifully poetic.

I did wonder some about not starting the first line with the word "when" also.

In stanza 3/line 6 "Their fresh fragrance assaulting my senses,"
"assaulting" seemed a somewhat strong word within the poem, perhaps something like "permeating"
in the last line I also wondered about "avenues" which didn't seem to quite go along with the spiritual, beautiful images of nature up to that point... perhaps something like "pathways"

Another wonderful poem, rich with your beautiful poetic voice. Thank you for submitting this to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Regards,
~des

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23
23
Review of The Candidate  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ben Langhinrichs ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

WOW! This is an incredibly moving poem. It is both mentally and emotionally satisfying. I didn't know how much I loved this structure until you used it here. Normally poems with such a repetition seem too wordy or awkward to me, but you have employed the use of refrains to perfection here for me. They were chilling and poignant, emphasizing what you were saying in exactly the right ways. The whole narrative is incredible, the phrasing and the rhyme flow naturally and poignantly. The poem builds and builds to a great closing stanza. This poem touched me with tears. Did I say that already? Most of the lines are my favorites, but some standouts for me are "The noise grows distant in my ear." The meaning of that is clear, but you aren't leading me by the hand with it. Additionally, it feels like I as the reader know what it means before the subject does. Moreover, I feel you have captured some emotion of the subject in this situation... like, when he said "To see once more your loving smile." Being apart from the experience, we know that if she were there she would not be smiling... but the subject could quite possibly still be thinking that way.

I appreciated your entry in the forum about this poem. It is nice to know that you spend so much time on each poem. (Especially this past month when you did it 13 times! *Thumbsup*)

If I were to offer any suggestion it would be that your meter feels perfect to me with one exception "cacaphony of cries" - perhaps "a jumbling of cries" or something like that.

Anyway, BRAVO, Ben! Thank you for submitting this poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Warm regards,
~des

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24
Review of insanity's grip  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear alfred booth, wanbli ska ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

I know you said you wasn't completely happy with this one, but I feel it is a really incredible poem. Again, the prompts you use you make your own. The narrative is exquisite, richly descriptive, with unique poetic phrasings. I can sense your setting; I can sense emotion. Your poem follows a logical order and makes sense and your creative language and deep insights keep it flowing beautifully. Some favorite lines:
"your faded shawl slips from my stooped shoulders"
"tepid tea stains the cool porcelain cup"
"nightly we danced like marionettes pulled
by the heartstrings of life
unthinking I slipped on love’s path
you followed like an unwilling shadow"

Some possible suggestions:
In stanza 1/line 4 "its twin is broken" seemed to not be quite the right word... perhaps "its match..."? Stanza 1 line 5 "the fire too has gone out" (as you previously mentioned your passion was broken, that line might not be necessary)
stanza 3/line 1 "patience stumbling" perhaps "patience stumbled"
stanza 3/line 2 perhaps ending with a comma?
stanza 3/line 4 perhaps a period instead of a comma after gladly?
Your endings usually have a little more of a twist or convey more power, this one kind of ended gently?

Thank you for submitting this wonderful poem to the contest. We deeply appreciate your efforts and hope to keep seeing more from you!

Warm regards,
~des

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25
25
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dr M C Gupta ,

I am reviewing your entry for "Invalid Item .

I love this poem. I feel it as honest personal expression, written from the heart and soul and guided by the mind. All of these work together to reveal your depth of tenderness and sensitivity. It is touching and insightful. The stanzas followed a logical progression that built to the ending. The ending stanza was perfect for me, with the prompt used so well and poignantly.

In stanza 1/line 4 "Wings why often I swing." I keep wanting to read that as "Wings why I often swing." Stanza 2/line 1 "But..." consider "So..."

Thank you for submitting this wonderful poem to the contest. We hope to see more from you.

Warm Regards,
~des

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