Hi x.Amaranthene.x! I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers. Welcome to WDC! I thought I'd read your story today and review it for you.
HOW I FOUND YOU
I found One to Australia while I searched the short story category in the main menu.
I always start with the Title of a story, since it's the first thing that catches my eye. Your title, One to Australia snagged my attention, because I have always been fascinated with Australia, (although I've never had the pleasure of visiting it). So I wanted to read your tale. I found the title interesting because I wasn't sure if it referred to a ratio, like one-to-ten, etc. I'm still not certain what the meaning of the title is in relation to the story, but I am curious about it.
The Genres you chose were young adult, thriller/suspense, and comedy. That combination made my eyes open up. I found it a fascinating, indeed! I would say that suspense and comedy were spot on! Categorizing it to be a young adult story certainly could be appropriate. I think the crime/gangster category describes the content more directly since your characters are speaking in a manner that gives the impression of a crime family. Examples: using the word "Boss," and of course, the guns in the story. I could see the "crime/gangster" aspect working well with the more humorous parts (having to do with the babysitting). A thriller tends to be darker in nature, with other elements, focusing more on illegal activities, international espionage, sex, and violence. It's often a detective story.
To return to the element of Suspense, I definitely felt it throughout the story. Nice work keeping me on the edge of my seat. I thought the Boss was going to shoot them if they continued to question the mission. The comedy aspect came at the exact proper moment, the end of the story. If the mission had been revealed earlier, it would have stolen the comedy from it, but you kept the revelation until the last possible moment. I had a good laugh once Boss told them about babysitting his son. Completely unexpected! Good work with this!
Your Characters actions were believable and consistent with a gangster type. While the Dialogue did move the story forward, I admit, the statement made by Alejandro didn't sound like something a subordinate would say to the "Boss." In this line, Alejandro says: "What if I don't want it?" I would think he'd be too afraid of the Boss to say that. It's just something I thought while reading it. Perhaps, he wasn't afraid of the Boss, until after the Boss points the gun at him. Of course, you will know best, the attitude of your characters and how they should play out.
The Plot works well. We know the Boss has something he wants his underlings to do for him, although we believe it's something nefarious in nature. They aren't sure they want to do whatever it is the Boss wants (the conflict), rather than what it turns out to be in the end, (the comedic part). It is a short piece of writing, so for this piece, it works well. If you are planning to expand the story, more conflict would be needed to create the aspects needed for a thriller, in order to keep the suspense throughout the writing, unless you decide to keep it a lighter piece.
What I Liked Best about the story was the humor we get from it once we realize they aren't going to be asked to do something criminal. Alejandro and Ruben acted as though they knew from experience that the "mission" wasn't going to be fun. It added much suspense and humor to the story.
What I Liked Least about the story was the phrase at the end of the piece, "to Australia and beyond." I knew they drank a toast, but again, I don't understand the reference in that toast. If the title of the story and this toast are important, and as a reader I missed it, perhaps you could add something that explains the reference. Although, it's nothing to worry about unless it's critical to your story.
Punctuation and Grammar seem to be handled well. I didn't see anything that pulled my attention to it. Good job with the mechanics.
I think this is a good story with a funny ending. As with all stories, there are things we can do to improve them. For instance, you wrote:
"Well, what's the job then, boss?" Ruben asked.
"You'd like to know?" He teased us, kept us waiting, making us want to know what he had planned for us.
Instead of the boss just teasing them, maybe he could imitate something to make them think they know what he is about to ask them to do. It could add further suspense and fear in Alejandro and Ruben.
Once you receive a few reviews, you can decide if and what changes you might want make, what works best for you, or if you even wish to change anything. Only you know the feeling you want the reader to have.
I hope you found this review helpful. If you revise it in any way, be sure to let me know and I'll be glad to review it again. I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future.