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370 Public Reviews Given
405 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest and respectful, and try to be as diplomatic as possible when I review a piece of writing. I use a template to cover most writing elements, as well as giving you my personal thoughts and feelings about it. I rate fair and equal to the review I give, but I only give a rating of 5 if the piece is perfect, in my opinion.
Favorite Genres
Mystery, adventure, paranormal, historical, disaster/survival, political, detective, young adult, animal, folklore, comedy, inspirational, nature, romance, and fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, psychological, gangster, western, steampunk
Favorite Item Types
Flash fiction, short stories, blogs, chapters of novels, and essays.
Least Favorite Item Types
Articles, non-fiction
I will not review...
Technological, erotica, gay/lesbian, whole novels or novellas all at one time.
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review of Ireland  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




Hello Joshua! I'm Dee, a member of the Newbies Academy Group and the WDC Power Reviewers.

*StarP* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarP*

I found your poem while searching the menu for poetry.

*StarP* MY THOUGHTS *StarP*

I immediately noticed your poem was about your home, Ireland. I am fascinated by Ireland, it's natural beauty, its folklore, and Celtic music. So your poem caught my interest.

I believe you are the one narrating the poem, and that your intent was to express your love and appreciation for your home as well as conveying those feelings to others. You certainly did that, no doubt about it. It's a brief, but thoughtful piece describing many of Ireland's attributes. I believe it would entice visitors to explore it as a vacation destination.

The tone seems to be light and almost whimsical at first, but changes to a more serious nature by the end of it, showing how peace eventually came to the island after internal strife. Very touching that you expressed the unity of the people. The mood feels happy and proud throughout the piece. I can feel your pride as you tell us about the beauty of Ireland.

I see you chose a ballad for your piece and used an alternating rhyme scheme (AA,BB). I enjoyed your rhyme scheme because although it seems to be true rhyme, it isn't overpowering or overly whimsical. I didn't notice any use of alliteration or assonance within the lines.

You open your poem with a colorful and content statement of Ireland that evokes a clear image in my mind. You philosophy remains optimistic throughout and even mystical about the country. This feeling adds so much to your statements.

You even wove a brief bit of Irish history within the lines, and it was interesting and entertaining. The last line stating that Ireland will "blow your mind," while not overly poetic, is very powerful. It makes me, (as a reader), wonder what other sights and sounds I might experience if I visit Ireland.

*StarP* FINAL COMMENTS *StarP*

I enjoyed reading this poem. In fact, I read it over two or three times because it rolled off my tongue in a lovely way! I could almost hear the Irish brogue as I read it in my mind! The one thing that would have made this a 5-star poem in my mind would be if the poem was either written in quatrains or if it was a bit longer. I would have liked to hear more.

Very nice piece. Good effort! Keep writing!

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102
102
Review of Come Back Mommy  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello Jaylin. I'm Dee, a member of the Newbies Academy Group, and I'll be reviewing your story, "Come Back Mommy."

*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

Genre - 10/10 Points

You chose mystery, thriller, and suspense for your genre categories. The mystery and suspense work very well, due to the circumstances Allegra faces through her ordeal. I don't know if I'd use thriller in your category choices. While thrillers are usually defined by the mood they create such as feelings of suspense, excitement, surprise, etc., (your story certainly has these emotions), thrillers also tend to be stories about villains determined to destroy the hero or the world in general, many times involving death or murder. But mystery/suspense is spot on for this story!

Title/Description - 10/10 Points

The title gives me a good idea of the main character's situation--being left alone. It tells us basically who the story will be about and the general age of the character. The description gives me just enough information to make the story interesting and makes me want to see what the noise is and how the character handles it. The title and description add to the story without giving away the revelation at the end of it.

Story Setting - 9/10 Points

I know the setting takes place in Allegra's home, and somewhere that has mudslides, but other than those two facts, nothing else about where the story takes place is revealed. I don't really think it matters that we don't know exactly where it takes place since the story kept my interest without that knowledge, but it could give more credibility to a mudslide contributing to her being stuck inside if we knew where they lived.

Story Structure/POV - 8/10 Points

You used the third person limited POV and this is perfect for this story, as it adds to the suspense, seeing and hearing everything from Allegra's POV only. I happen to like Third Person Limited and Multiple POV's, so it was an enjoyable read. The story has structure, as it has a beginning, middle, and end, with a satisfying resolution to a problem. I did notice a couple of structure issues such as several adverbs, a few repeat sentence starts, and the sentence lengths. These are things that if tightened up, will make your very good story even more terrifying.

Plot - 10/10 Points

This ended up being a good, solid plot. I give you high marks for keeping me "in the dark" about the mudslide and Allegra's situation until the end of the story. At first, I thought this was going to be a poltergeist type of tale, but when the jackhammers kept coming into the picture, I realized it had to be some other situation. The plot held my interest through the end of the story.

Characters - 9/10 Points

I thought you did a pretty good job with the character of Allegra. She was shown to be a young, frightened child in several ways. One excellent example is her hugging mommy's pillow. An excellent way to "show" Allegra to us. Also, her language and the counting she did when she got scared. Again, you did a good job with her characterization. She had the right language and mannerisms of a child and was not flat or dull. I took one point off because I did think it was a bit strange that a six-year-old would know and understand what a jackhammer is. Perhaps, a very intelligent child would have this knowledge, but it seemed a little unusual.

Dialogue - 10/10 Points

As I mentioned, the dialogue was spot on for a child. You did a great job with her language and verbiage.

What Made Me Cheer - 10/10 Points

What made me cheer was the end of the story, when Allegra can see through the hole in the wall and the family is reunited, as I'm sure you designed it to make me feel. Again, great ending to a scary situation for a child!

The Overall Feeling - 10/10 Points

The overall feeling was frightening. I could feel Allegra's fear build throughout the story, all the way to the end when she was reunited with her parents. Good work!

Punctuation/Grammar - 10/10 Points

For the most part, punctuation and grammar were handled well.

*Star* FINAL COMMENTS *Star*

The readability factor is excellent! You hit it right on the head with the proper reading level. It was easy to read and comprehend for the largest amount of readers.

Good work with this story! I enjoyed the read and felt the suspense! I gave this a 96 and 4.5 stars.

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103
103
Review of Slipstreams  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hello T.L. I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers.

*StarV* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarV*

I found your poem, "Slipstreams," while searching the poetry category for something that caught my eye.

*StarV* MY THOUGHTS *StarV*

I chose your poem to review because I was interested in the subject. This is a good, descriptive poem about what it's like and how it feels to be homeless. This Title is intriguing and I believe I see why you chose it.

The Theme comes to life in my mind's eye, as the image of a slipstream, pulling something along behind it in a wake, is much like the homeless being pulled along, from city to city, in the shadows of real life.

Although the poem's Tone is somewhat "dark," due to the nature of the subject, the overall feeling tends to make me believe that the homeless are more resigned to their situation, even though they know they their lives are often in danger, and that they could die at any time. It makes me as a reader feel pain and sorrow for the ones that wander.

The Category you used looks like a free verse style, yet it has the rhyme of a quatrain, with an AA, BB rhyme scheme. If the lines are put together in a four-line stanza, it would fit the quatrain. I'm not sure if you were trying to follow a particular form or not, or if it was simply written with the AA, BB rhyme. Either way, it has a very urgent sound and feel to it. The Mood is one of concern and danger.

I thought the first two lines was an excellent way to start the beginning of the poem. By using words such as the sun, the palms, ice cream, dreams, and "visions of beyond," you used words that created a specific picture in my mind. They evoked images of a life beyond their capability to attain as a homeless person. Reading along, I felt as though the homeless saw all the wonderful things in life they never had or missed having. Very good beginning!

As you progressed through the poem, you showed me how difficult living on the streets are by using examples of the hardships and dangers. You also use contrast to show how even animals shouldn't live that way, and how death often comes to those who can't make it on the streets or tire from it, finally showing how the speaker has tired of it themselves. It's a pessimistic point of view from the speaker, and the poem creates an air of heavy sadness or burden.

Your use of Rhyme Scheme flows nicely and sounds easy to the ear. You've also used a good amount of Alliteration in the poem as well. I particularly liked the "sunbeams/slipstreams" and "black bats." You also had quite a few words that rhyme along with the AA/BB scheme, adding to the poem's flow.

I think this poem has a lot of Significance, in light of the fact that there are many homeless people on the streets today, and more joining their ranks every day. It is a cultural statement that most people don't like to think about, but should. It spawns many emotions within me because I personally know a couple of homeless individuals, and this poem speaks to many of the same things that they speak of.

*StarV* FINAL COMMENTS *StarV*

I enjoyed this poem very much, not because of the subject, but because of it's execution and style. It's admirable that you wrote a poem thinking about people in this situation. Good work with this poem!

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104
104
Review of My Little Star  
Review by Dee
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a beautiful poem, Jean! I don't think I've read one that gave such a heartwarming tribute to motherhood and child. You painted a lovely picture with your words that would put a smile on anyone's face while reading this.

I'm a newbie at poetry, but I can say this poem is very touching! The images you form with your words and feelings can be seen and felt by anyone who has eyes and a heart.

A worthy and wonderful first piece.
105
105
Review of I: Wraith  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Jeremy, this is a review of Chapter One of your novel, "I: Wraith," that you won as part of your package in the Simply Positive Auction.

*StarY* STORY ELEMENTS *StarY*

Genre

The choice of the fantasy, sci-fi, and war genres are an interesting combo. While the fantasy and war elements of this story are clearly seen and understood from the first page of this chapter, the sci-fi aspect appears in two ways that I can tell. One, with regard to the rhenn energy, and two, with the creation of the world the story takes place in, and the Empire. However, from your writing, I am certain that other aspects of fantasy and science fiction will appear, and with the same clarity.

Title/Description

The title, "I: Wraith," is probably an appropriate one, but at this stage, I can't really tell because nothing I read in this first chapter gives me any indication of the meaning of the title, unless it is referring to the "wraiths" of energy from the rhenn or from "HE who grows stronger, who is in Isabarra's mind." If it refers to him, then it makes perfect sense.

The description line gives a hint of the problem, the conflict and the action to come. Either way, combined with the title, it will entice the reader's senses.

Story POV & Voice

I've always preferred Multiple POV's in a story or an epic as large as this. Multiple POV's create a lot of advantages in the telling of it, and in the action scenes. You move between Isabarra and Gennrik with no head hopping detected, and the POV flows well throughout. You used separate paragraphs for the viewpoint changes and they too flowed smoothly. In my opinion, you have an easy narration voice which makes reading this type of story much more enjoyable than some fantasy/sci-fi novels, whose voices have a more gritty sound to them.

Story Structure/Pacing/Tension

Chapter One has a beginning, middle, and end to it. You have set-up this chapter very well, introducing us to your main characters, either in "person" or in name, and you have told us of the main conflict they face through the tale. You've set your POV to be able to tell the story from more than one viewpoint, and that is always a good thing in a story such as this one. The structure seems to be solid from page one, and the chapter is wrapped up at the end of it with the hook, making me want to continue to the next chapter. Honestly, I don't see much of anything needed in this first chapter. It's as if this has been editing numerous times, to have such a fine point to it.

The pacing of this story starts a bit slower, but I do see the need for this because of its complexity. If you had tried to speed it up from the first word, it would have been a tougher read for me (again, because of the names, places, characters, etc, in a large epic). However, the pacing picks up considerably after the first few paragraphs and stays at a comfortable flow. The tension was good throughout the story, but it didn't increase until the last few paragraphs prior to the attack, yet even that felt "right." Commendable work here, Jeremy!

Plot/Setting

The setting is this sci-fi/fantasy world of Bhesen and the world of The Empire. You've created a complete world for this story, with cities, characters, and conflict that begins to come to life quite well in this first chapter, although I admit, it is a complex story. Remembering many names, places, and objects do require a bit of breathing space in order to absorb them into memory, so I benefitted by a second read through.

This is an intriguing plot. Without giving away the story, I will say that the idea of the rhenn and the Sarhenn that are skilled in its use, reminded me a bit of "The Force" and the Jedi, in some basic aspect. You *can't* go wrong with this. This type of story and it's overall feeling is what makes our spirits soar! It seems to be a story of hope and determination, along with the passion and honor of your characters that drives the tale. Within your plot lies this "boy" Isabarra speaks of, and his importance to their mission. The question of whether or not he will be able to command the rhenn in a more efficient way gives hints to the conflict they face. And will "HE" get the boy from Isabarra? I want to turn the page and find out.

Characters

There are already several characters introduced in this first chapter. Isabarra is perhaps the strongest of them. As a mystic and leader, I saw all the attributes necessary for her to be convincing as this person of Consal. Gennrik gives her a run for his money when it comes to being strong, loyal and level-headed. They are both excellent characters in every way. I was drawn to them both. And most importantly, they seem quite real, and I believed in them as people in the story, rather than a cardboard character with no life to them. You did a wonderful job with these two characters, no doubt!

You also interspersed the information about them within the paragraphs in an interesting way, and through dialogue. My curiosity about them was peaked. I saw no areas of straight info dump. And in the few areas you gave limited information, I was, as a reader, able to "fill in the blanks" using my own imagination. But of course, there were few blank areas.

Khemrissa was the only character that didn't seem fully exposed to me. In other words, she was real enough to me, but yet still lacked "something" Isabarra and Gennrik have. Probably because of her inexperience and youth causing me to feel that way, but I take it this was a technique you used so that she can evolve more intensely later.

Kivallen is the mystery. He is supposedly, "one of them," yet in some ways but their own descriptions of him, he seems like an enemy! Interesting, indeed. And the one who speaks to Isabarra in her mind, which I've called "HE or HIM" in this review, is the biggest mystery of all. Who is HE?

Dialogue

I have to say that the dialogue in this story is spot on for the characters. Each one sounds so natural and unique. I'd love to find something not so perfect to say about it, Jeremy, but quite frankly, this is one of the best uses of dialogue I've seen in a while. The dialogue on top of being life-like and realistic, really moves this plot forward without the bordom of info dump or over telling. Again, the only one I felt a little cheated on is Khemrissa. I know she doesn't know everything, and isn't supposed to yet, but she has said little in the way of the conflict they face. I would have loved to heard more from her, but I'm sure we will as we read on.

The Overall Feeling

Once again, the feeling I got while reading this was a feeling of loyalty to each other, and a united determination to remove the conflict in their world regarding "Him," the rhenn from the Empire's control, and even Kivallen's agenda. It is a bit "dark," if you will, at first, but as you read through the chapter, it becomes less oppressive and even a bit more hopeful, even in the midst of an attack. I know there will be more dark moments, but I can see light at the end of this fight.

Punctuation/Grammar

I saw nothing in the way of grammatical errors or missing punctuation. I didn't nit pick and look at every line in detail to see if there were any, but nothing grabbed my attention in this manner, so, well done. Your story "looks" clean.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

I liked that you didn't use the "he said/she said" speech tags, and that you used qualifying remarks upon occasion. This really moves the story along in a wonderful pace and flow. I think the non-usage of speech tags is understated. As with all your description, it is vivid and well written. But again, I personally prefer a little less. Less is more in my book.

All I can say is, I don't usually read this type of story, YET, it was an excellent read and a compelling one at that! I'm interested in these characters and their problems. And that's not an easy thing to get me to say since my reading tastes are a bit different within these categories.

This shows a lot of time and effort went into this writing. Great work here!
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106
Review of NOT ENOUGH  
Review by Dee
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very well done, Angus! I think you've said it all...well, you and Dionne Warwick! *Smile* I could relate to everything you spoke about, especially the part about Vietnam, the war and it's vets, and about how people have been treating each other badly in recent years.

I have met many people who've expressed your sentiments around the country, and I just wanted to say, you're not alone in the way you feel. Your suggestion about complimenting a stranger is a wonderful idea, and it costs no one a cent, other than a bit of consideration. I loved that idea!

Again, good job with this piece!
107
107
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi x.Amaranthene.x.


*StarV* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarV*

I found your story as I was browsing the newbie area in the menu.

*StarV* MY THOUGHTS *StarV*

I found your "Dear Me" letter, and I wanted to do a brief review on it. Although your letter is not an official entry and it is fairly brief, I felt that you really understood yourself, that you made a commitment to the goals you want to accomplish. It's obvious that you want to confront the things that can distract you from completing those goals in advance, and I think you did a good job despite the brevity of the letter.

You seem to realize the distractions and real life problems that are often the obstacles to finishing a goal, as evidenced by your habits that you discussed. You wrote a great little letter to remind yourself of what you find to be important. And it was important enough for you to sit down and actually write this letter. Bravo!

*StarV* FINAL COMMENTS *Star*

So I'd like to say good luck, and I wish you all the best in your goals. I believe you will complete your desire to write your novel. When you do, please post it for the community to review.

Take care.

         Dee

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108
108
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hi Tim. I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers.

*StarV* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarV*

I found your poem looking through your port, after finding your name in the author list.

*StarV* MY THOUGHTS *StarV*

I saw many interesting and well-written poems in your port, but I suppose I chose this one because it speaks of writing professionally, which many of us dream about. I wanted to perceive your take on this endeavor. Your Title told the premise of the poem with no room for wonderment. I think you conveyed with both your verbiage and imagery, the idea of the challenges we have to overcome to reach the opportunity of becoming a professional, as evidenced by these two lines:

A bridge overrun with trolls
Whose fate is to charge us tolls.

Could you be speaking of pesky editors and publishers, who require we pay certain "tolls" before becoming a professional writer? I wondered if I read this with the proper understanding.

I see you used the Alternating AA, BB, Rhyming Scheme for your three stanza Quatrain. I saw only one use of Alliteration, with the words blessings/bestow in the last stanza, and no Assonance used. I'm new to poetry myself, so I am not certain if you are following a form I'm not familiar with, or not.

I liked that you used the author's thoughts to open the poem--thinking about writing professionally, and referencing the hope of having a "gifted pen," or talent.
The Mood of the piece is contemplative, rather than happy, sad or any other intense emotion. I also liked that you spoke about using our mind and our creativity to add depth to the words we have within us (or within our hearts). The idea you put forth to write with meaning and depth and to take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves is inspiring. Also, conveying the idea that we need to believe in and have faith in ourselves and our ability was also positive. You incorporate that positivity and an optimistic attitude about living life and using our experiences in our writing in such a way that inspires!

*StarV* FINAL COMMENTS *StarV*

For a short poem, I truly enjoyed this read. I was warmed by the uplifting thoughts you evoked. Nice work. I will be reading more of your poetry.

Dee

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109
109
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello slowmotionsunset.

*StarY* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarY*

As I searched through the Authors list, I saw your port and this piece of poetry.

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

I loved the Title of your poem. Chester's Bookshop gives such wonderful connotations of warmth and comfort, that I could almost see that tabby curled up around one of his favorite books.

I think your poem will resonate with other readers who have a love of old bookshops from our memories. I liked that Chester is shown to have his favorite tales (pardon the pun), just like a reader would.

The sadness of the shop burning, left a void as I read. I felt empathy for Chester, not having his comfort zone any longer, but also because an old shop itself was disappearing forever.

You did an excellent job with Description and Imagery. I truly felt like I was looking through a keyhole at this place in time.

I found myself immersed in this piece. I enjoyed reading and experiencing it.

Very nice work, indeed!

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110
110
Review of The Hit  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hello Missy! I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers.


*StarV* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarV*

I found your story "The Hit," when searching through the "Read A Newbie" area of the menu.

*StarV* MY THOUGHTS *StarV*

First, since this is a Flash Fiction piece, you come in with 290 words, just under the average 300 for the typical flash piece or contest entry. Good work. It isn't easy writing flash fiction. I happen to love reading it, and I'm working on honing my own skills writing it.

The Title and Genre are "hits" of their own, since the title, "The Hit" is almost self-explanatory, especially when you combine it with the crime/gangster genre, which is still so popular today. Adding the touch of sci-fi made this story much more unique. Nice combination!

A Plot surrounding a hitman and their target isn't unusual, but as I like to point out to writers when I read their stories, you put a great little twist on a classic type of story! You made the "target" a bit more difficult to hit because he is surrounded by some type of force field. Wow, what a concept! But I admit, I was curious about it since there was no other mention about this force field, other than the fact that the hitman would have to wait until it dropped.

The Characters and their Dialogue fit the piece, and their words and actions were true to their positions. Nothing out of place here. No cardboard cutouts. Their demeanor was action related, to the point, and fast paced. For flash fiction, this works really well.

Your use of Punctuation and Grammar were very well executed (pardon the pun!) I only saw one use of passive voice, (that being the phrase, "Payment will be delivered.)

*StarV* FINAL COMMENTS *StarV*

But I'm still wondering how the force field dropped so the hitman could kill him. That's the only reason I rated this a 4.0. I felt that this information really needed to be in the story somehow, referencing how or why it dropped or dissipated enough for the hitman to get to him.

This is a cool piece of writing regardless, and I enjoyed reading it! I could see this glimpse as part of a larger story. Good luck with it, if you chose to expand it.

         Dee

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111
111
Review of Sarcasm  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and that's very true! But I would have loved to have read a few examples of this handy attribute from your life experiences. I think it would make a humorous smattering of anecdotes! I too find sarcasm to be one of the more highly underrated tools in life. I use it frequently both in my writing and in the real world. And it adds so much to a character's personality, not to mention in reality.

Very funny quote!
112
112
Review of GARBAGE . . .  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


Hello Maria. I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers.

*StarV* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarV*

I found your this piece you wrote in the prose area of the category menu.

*StarV* MY THOUGHTS *StarV*

Your Title caught my attention immediately. It was short, direct and even harsh. I would say, after reading it, I found the title perfect for your prose, and certainly honest. You said so much with one word, and that isn't easy to do. Good work.

This Theme is one that is often explored, but rather than exploring it through the person's eyes while being made to feel like garbage, you explore the concept by showing us what it feels like, how it happens, and your hope that no one ever experiences that same feeling. Again, the thoughts and feelings you write about are hard realities, but they are another side of life that we are sometimes made to feel by others. Many people try to avoid the subject, but you wrote about it, evoking images that stayed with me.

Your Descriptions were wonderful and very pointed. Your choice of verbiage and the way you expressed it, by categorizing useful, useless, and disregarded made a strong impression with me. I felt tremendous empathy for the person and the situation written about. It makes you want to reassure them that God isn't the only one who can keep them from ending in the same place. Although I admit, I truly loved that line, "Except for the grace of God, everything ends in the same place."

The Style of Writing was interesting. I found your use of Punctuation refreshing. To me, it seemed to add an overall feeling of diversity, much like the cultural aspect you wanted to show us through the writing.

The only reason I didn't rate this a five was that I expected something humorous rather than serious, due to the photo that accompanied the writing. I suddenly thought "cookie monster," which in my mind said, "cute or sweet." A grittier photo might evoke a darker feeling to the reader.

I truly enjoyed this read.

         Dee
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113
113
Review of Blank Pages  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello Wolfbane. I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers.

*StarV* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarV*

I found your poem while searching the poetry category in the menu.

*StarV* MY THOUGHTS *StarV*

I loved your Title, Blank Pages. I had no trouble understanding the Theme of this piece being writers block. It was a wonderful poem and conveyed the problem and the writers' frustration.

My Favorite line(s) and the most emotional lines in the piece would have to be: Abandoning his addiction to the pen. The author acting like he was dead. I'm certain there isn't a writer in the world who hasn't felt that way at some point in their life. This is truly reader association at its best.

I took it that you wrote this from both a personal experience as well as those shared by others. The tone I took from this was frustration more than any other.

By the second stanza, I knew the writer examined the problem and became curious, questioning why this was happening. Interesting thought that curiosity planted a seed. Good use of self-examination or introspection.

Writing "the end" on the blank page was the poem's finality, with the reader knowing, nothing would be written that day.

*StarV* FINAL COMMENTS *StarV*

I liked your use of alternating rhyme in this Quatrain. I have a preference to this type of poetry. Your use of imagery was (in my humble opinion), very thought provoking.

Great job with this! I don't often give a 5.0 When it comes to poetry because I don't always relate to the Theme. In this case, however, I relate to this all too well.

Dee

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Review of Soon Enough  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Hi Winnie. I'm visiting your port to do a review of one of your Flash Fiction pieces, as I saw you are listed on the NAG Showcase!

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

Your story "Soon Enough" draws the reader into Robert's mind from his first words. Its Title tells something of the action to come, but not quite enough to give the story away. And that's good because titles should entice. I like titles that make me wonder, and your's made me wonder, "soon enough for what?" So, good job with this.

When Robert warns his granddaughter not to come close, I knew violence of some type was going to be the tragedy of this story, although I wasn't sure what the means to the end would be at that point. I found it to be a good way of showing Robert's emotions when you compared Jessie to being very much like Bess in his eyes. This showed the love he had for his granddaughter and wife, yet it was also the anguish he felt, being reminded of his loss and grief.

You set up the tension well by showing how everything in the house reminded him of his loss. Every turn he makes, every item he looks at just makes the pain grow stronger. As the reader, I can feel this loss and I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. The Plot is a simple one, but an emotional one that carries the short piece through the end. We don't know much about Robert or Jesse, but we do know what they are feeling and why, and we are drawn into the action by the surge of emotions they experience.

As the reader, I know Robert is going to kill himself. His calm serenity tells me that he has made up his mind and that only this decision to be with the one he loves can set him free. It's a common Theme, but one that happens all too often, even in the real world.

I saw no Punctuation or Grammatical errors. Your story flowed as it should--quickly, with little contemplation about his decision, at a medium to fast Pace.

The only thing I was a bit confused by was, who was Bobby? Grandson, perhaps? I must have missed something within the story. However, the story was full of emotion, and it was consistent through the end. Sad, but realistic.

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Review of The New Home  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi Choconut! I'm reviewing you today after seeing your name in the NAG Showcase!

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

I found this flash fiction captivating because my attention was held through this very short piece of writing. The tension and dark atmosphere of the story made me wonder if I understood what the situation was. Your Title, "The New Home" is benign at first, until you finish the story and realize what is happening with Claire's mum. The words drumming, reverberating and torture, puts the reader in her mum's mind immediately, and we feel her fear.

I am not certain I understand fully what is happening, but I am guessing Claire's mother is suffering from dementia or an Alzheimer's. I may be reading this incorrectly, but she is obviously confused and distraught about something if indeed she isn't ill.

Claire's emotions are only lightly touched on, as this story is seen through her mum's mind. As soon as she was unable to remember why she thought they were "breaking in," I knew the emotional set-up you created with line one works to make these 100 words scream stress and fear for both characters. Very nicely done!

You've shown us that emotion, and more specifically, tension or fear can be evoked with very few words, if used in an effective way. It isn't an easy thing to do, and you did it, as far as I'm concerned.

The only reason I rated this a 4.5, is because I am not entirely clear if I read the situation correctly. I enjoy short shorts that pull me into the story right from the first words, and I like action best of all to keep me there. Your short used those techniques. If emotion was the idea behind this piece, I would say you did a great job. By the end of it, I honestly felt sad for Claire.

                   Dee

          Invalid Photo #1044919




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116
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hello Wolfbane. I'm Dee, a member of the Power Reviewers.

*StarY* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarY*

I found your poem searching through the Poetry category in the menu, as I looked for something to catch my eye to read.

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

I very much enjoyed "Memories Of The Lost.". As I read it, it was clear the author truly missed this person, and that their passing effected the author in every way possible. I could tell how emotional an experience it must have been to lose this person and move on with their own life. The idea of being in denial because you aren't able to talk to or see that person in your life any longer is a normal reaction that I could relate to. I still feel that way about my father even after all these years he is gone. Death of a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences to work through, and your poem really evokes feelings of sadness in the reader. Very good job making me remember all the feelings I have about my own father's passing.

I liked the Quatrain's rhyme scheme you used. A couple of the lines were a bit long, but nevertheless, the verses flowed well, and the rhyme was mostly true rhyme.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

Again, let me say that I enjoyed reading this poem. Nice work.

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Review of Morning Sunlight  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hello Girlinwhite. I'm Dee.

*StarY* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarY*

I found your poem while searching the Nature category in the genre menu.

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

The Title immediately gives a warm feeling, as images of morning sunshine energize the reader and make them feel hopeful along with the author. Understanding that a new day gives us hope that since we made it through another day, we should be able to cope with whatever we have to face.

I enjoyed your phrase "put yesterday away in a special place." I believe you're saying to keep thoughts of previous days that were happy and good times in our memories for us to have forever. To keep them safe so we don't lose them or "waste" them.

Stepping out into the world to spread peace and love around also seems to be inspired by the warm feelings evoked by a perfect day with sunshine. The sun in your poem seems to inspire, energize and design the author's attitude about life. It's a wonderful poem, with a genuine message.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

This quatrain poem has a nice rhyme, with an ABCB rhyme scheme. You use some alliteration in a couple of stanzas which adds nicely to the poem's construction. And I liked the flow of your poem. You used simple language, with a lovely message, and true rhyme within it. It was not a complicated poem, but then, I happen to love poetry that speaks in simple or earthy language with a clear message, and little flowery language. You did a nice job with this.

Overall, I quite enjoyed your lovely poem. Keep writing!

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Review of Use as Directed  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hello Angel. I'm Dee.

*StarY* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarY*

I found your story when I looked up stories in the Entertainment genre from the menu.

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

This was a fun read and kept me wondering what was going to happen to Jessica when she didn't follow the directions on the medication. The Title gave us a clue what to expect was going to happen, but we didn't know what would occur or when. So, excellent work keeping us guessing!

The result of Jessica growing fur was really a shocker! Great idea! Too bad you didn't mention Joe's reaction to it. I think you have room here for expanding this story if you wanted to.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

A creative story, and keeps the reader's interest. We've all wondered what would happen if we don't "use our medicines as directed." It was well written, and all other elements worked well, punctuation, grammar, and indeed the plot. The only suggestion I would offer in case you continue with this story is to add some dialogue, perhaps, or possibly show a scene rather than tell it with the narrative. Don't get me wrong, your narrative and story are very entertaining. I'm just thinking a few lines of dialogue could make reader connection even stronger.

Well done...Keep writing!

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119
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Fran
Hi BScholl. I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers.

*StarV* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarV*

I found your story after searching the "Genre" area in the menu for political stories.

*StarV* MY THOUGHTS *StarV*

This was a good piece of flash fiction. Writing in a condensed manner and still creating suspense and a good story isn't easy. Good job!

I enjoyed the Plot and the Characterizations. You made this short piece intense enough to keep my attention, and I kept asking questions in my mind that you answered as the story progressed. The characters came to life with the various attributes you showed, such as Jeff sticking out his hand and Frank ignoring it. Small actions that showed a lot about the person with few words needed. That's the key to flash fiction.

Jeff's surprise was expected and you used dialogue to show us his surprise when he learned he has been controlled all his life without his knowledge, but perhaps a few actions or facial expressions to "show" his surprise or fear could be used as well. I didn't think Jeff seemed as surprised or afraid as I would have expected from him.

*StarV* FINAL COMMENTS *StarV*

Again, this is a really good story, and I rated it 4.5. I thought the Title was perfect for it. This flash could be a great piece in a longer story as well.

Keep writing!

Dee

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120
Review of Donald Trump  
Review by Dee
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I had a pretty good laugh over this poem, Infowarrior! LOL! This is probably the funniest account of "The Donald" I've ever heard.

But I must agree. He definitely spouts misinformation or just he just plain lies. I have 4.5 hours of an interview where he contradicts himself 101 times! Talk about a liar. It's incredible. I can only imagine how many more I could find in other interviews or articles.

And I know you are right about pretending to bark out against Hillary. I cannot stand Clinton any better. I think they should have a liar's contest to see who's better at it. It's really hard to tell! I have always believed (as many analysts do), that he is a Clinton plant.

And it's funny how lawsuits from three women from the 1990's don't seem to be of interest to anyone in the mainstream news. So yes, phony baloney are the operative words, as far as I'm concerned.

It's a funny poem. Probably not going to be received in the top ten by true poets, but I loved it for its honesty. That's more than I can say about him and Clinton.

You keep writing and telling it "like it is!"
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Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Hello Steph. I'm Dee, a member of the Newbies Academy.

*StarY* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarY*

Although this is not actually an article, I enjoyed this read very much! I found your letter when I search for travel items to review. I saw it was about visiting Paris, and I couldn't resist!

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

Using a letter to describe your thoughts about Paris was an interesting form. Rather than an article or essay, or even a story, because a letter provides a more personal account, rather than just statistics or facts about a place, without it seeming like fiction. Although your letter did have these characteristics, it was conveyed in a way that made the facts seem like a unique discovery! Much like an archaeologist on a dig!

Having been to Paris many times, and returning as often as possible, I must agree with your use of description about its architecture. Paris is probably one of the best areas to view a variety of influences in design. There is something magical about seeing Paris from the top of Tour Eiffel, especially at night when you see why it is called "The City of Light!" The island you talk about in La Rive Seine, is called "Ile de la Cité." And it is amazing to see the mirror of our Statue on this little island in the middle of the city!

I don't know anyone who isn't stunned by the beauty, design and feel of The Louvre! Yes, the Palace and place of Kings, at least for a while. And Versailles is just as impressive with its palace and second house on the lawn. The artwork is La Creme de la creme, and you made this part come alive with your insights and feelings about seeing the great lady herself, Mona Lisa! She is a bewitching lady with that smile you so succinctly express.

The Champs-Elysee is a world of its own, isn't it! A virtual shopping mall on one street, only with old world charm and atmosphere. I loved your description of the Egyptian monuments. Most do not even mention this fact, but you did so with that "personal touch" of discovery that made your letter, more than "just a letter!"

Your letter is wonderfully written, because after writing about so many beautiful and romantic places and sights, you talk of wanting to see it through Shelley's eyes, and how being with her is the most romantic of all.

*StarY* SUGGESTIONS *StarY*

The only suggestion I could add would be to mention one or two more places that people immediately think about when we think of Paris. One being the Left Bank, because the artists area of the city is phenomenal! And perhaps even Sacre Coeur, the Sacred Heart Church on the Left Bank that sits high on a hill towering above the river. And if Sacre Coeur isn't to your liking, the world famous, Notre Dame should be on the list, as made famous in literary circles with the "Hunchback of Notre Dame!"

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

Very nice job with such a personal view of Paris. It reminds me of all the places you mentioned that I love, and all the memories. Returning to Paris is always a personal favorite, and your letter brought back those feelings again.

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Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Invalid Photo #1045423

Hello Rebecca! I'm Dee, a member of the Newbies Academy.

*StarY* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarY*

I found this piece when I searched for a few articles to review about travel. I have never been to Australia before, but I would love to visit it, and your story made me want to hop a plane even more than I did before I read it!

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

As I said, I've always been intrigued by your country, especially Western Australia and the Northern Territory, for all of the reasons you speak of. I am somewhat familiar with W.A. because I had a friend who lived in Perth. She told me many amazing things about your town. Even without having visited, I know that Western Australia has been underestimated as a tourist spot, and not as well-known as the other provinces. However, I know you have much more than the standard tourist traps of other cities.

You hooked me with the description of the Swan River, seemingly flowing backward into the city! Wow, what a magical place! This spot and especially Kings Park, sound like a piece of heaven on earth. What an incredible location and city, to have such wild beauty so close to "civilization" of the urban areas, yet still untouched. I don't know of any place like that here at home, and I live in Florida!

Your description of Perth Zoo was absorbing to me. And the ferry ride sounds quite lovely. I can imagine whales and dolphins in view while heading over there! Since I used to work at my local zoo in the education department and as a zookeeper trainee. I love animals, which is one reason I want to visit Oz. I know some consider them pests, but I adore kangaroos. I even named my dog "Roo," because she loved to jump up and down.

Hearing you speak about open lands, the vibrant colors, the culture and the unique people, make me want to grab the next plane out of Orlando! I also have this interest and fascination for the aboriginal people. I know something of the issues between them and the rest of the citizenry, but they are an integral part of your country, and I am as interested in their culture as our native Americans.

The fact that you have little crime is surprising, but a huge plus for tourism and living life.

*StarY* SUGGESTIONS *StarY*

I have no suggestions to offer, other than I would have loved to see a few photographs to go with the article!

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

If anything, I'm just as hooked as ever, if not more after reading your travelogue.

Great job with this article! I give it 5-stars for giving me such a wonderful read!

                              Invalid Photo #1044919




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Review of Tagaytay  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Invalid Photo #1045423

Hello Candy! I'm Dee, a member of the Newbies Academy.

*StarY* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarY*

I found your piece about Tagaytay when I was looking for a few travel items to review. I have to admit; there was no way I could pass your article. It was an enjoyable read!

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

The first thing that caught my attention was the name, Tagaytay. I knew it was Phillipino because I had some friends who lived in the Philippines, so it looked familiar. The second thing that made me want to read on was the description of a mountainous region and cool climate. This is exactly the type of place I love to spend time visiting. I especially love mountain areas. The imagery you created by discussing a "dreamy yet breathtaking, fog-covered, isolated-like place," hooked me into wanting to visit!

You're quite right; Tagaytay does sound picturesque. When you mentioned pineapple grown there, and an active volcano nearby, I knew that Tagaytay was a place I'd love to see for myself!! Pineapple is one of my favorite fruits. I could already imagine how enjoyable a place it must be! Let's face it, beautiful green landscapes, sweet smells of native flowers, hills and tropical colors, was the perfect description to entice the most seasoned traveler! I may not be Phineas Fogg, but I've traveled to many places.

If I was ever to retire outside of this country, Tagaytay sounds like the type of place I would pick because it's only business is tourism. That means when tourists are not there all the time, or in the "off season," it would be a quiet, peaceful place to live, and that appeals to me. I love the idea of a place where there aren't any or many reminders of the major industrial cities.

Another reason someone reading your account of Tagaytay would make them want to visit is your passion and love for this town. It's obvious that you are not just loyal to the town as a resident, your feelings honestly come through in this short, but expressive piece of writing. I'd love to visit one day. Perhaps, one day when I feel more comfortable boarding a plane again.

*StarY* SUGGESTIONS *StarY*

I don't have any suggestions about the writing. I thought it was well written. It hooked me from the beginning and enticed me throughout. I would have loved to hear more about the town, or more to the point; I would love to have heard one or two personal anecdotes. A personal story about someone from the town, or about a business owner, perhaps would add a bit more flavor to it.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

This was a lovely, and very intriguing travelogue about your town.

                              Invalid Photo #1044919


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Review of Legal Tender  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I can totally and completely relate to this! I think it's five-star. I am just learning poetry, so I have to say, my rating is based on my viewpoints (and yours), and they seem to be very much aligned with each other.

The poetic structure is more free verse than a set form, and I like that. It moves quickly, keeps your mind on the subject at hand, (us being swindled by the Fed), and the tone is alarming. You've got that "Wake Up and Listen" tone throughout the poem, and that's a very good thing for a message such as this one. Your rhyme scheme varies and I found that interesting. I like this style very well.

Keep writing InfoWarrior! I'll check out the rest of your poems as I have some time.

If you get a chance, drop by my Poetry folder and read "A Patriot's Lament." I believe you'll enjoy reading it.


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Review of The way to spring  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Click to go to the WDC Power Reviewers

Hello Apollo13! I'm Dee, a member of the WDC Power Reviewers.

*StarY* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarY*

I found your story in our Power Reviewer Raid List.

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

Something about this Title resonated with me! Anything with the inference of "direction" is always going to get my curiosity peaked. It is an excellent title, because it tells the tale, without telling us the story! Now, that's an excellent device to reel in your reader!

I enjoyed reading the adventure of your Characters Loshadka and Jozhik. They were interesting, fun to "ride" along with, and intelligent. I liked the fact that they were not the type of animals that are typically coupled together in a story, and they seem to be friends, not just along on the same journey. We don't know where they are coming from, other than "from winter," but I don't think this detracted from the story in any way. I looked forward to each step they took and each clue they found. The idea of the yellow flowers being the "road sign" toward spring, was lovely and another good way to keep up our interest, and a beautiful plot detail.

The Plot is apparent from their journey, and through their Dialogue in that they are "looking for Spring" as they trudge through the snow and all the obstacles.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

This is a sweet story and I thoroughly enjoyed the read. I think if there is one thing I might suggest, it's that the only thing I felt was missing was real conflict. You did have the obstacle of "finding spring," and "crossing the river," but it seemed a bit too easy (Loshadka and Jozhik finding the flower by the water so quickly). It was a very good story, but I think if they had a bit more "to lose" on their part it would have made it even more satisfying to me.

Dee's April 2016 Spotlight Award Image

* A review is only one person's opinion, and you know your story best no matter what that opinion might be. *


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