A very nice little tale. Perfect for reading a cup of tea on a Saturday afternoon. The story had a magical feel to it, The narrators voice was perfect. I thought the story flowed along quite nicely, and the characters were nicely rounded out. One of the parts I loved the best were the comments from rabble, "Throw him to the dungeons" etc. A good solid little story, I upped my scored by .5 for use of the word, eschew. Well done and thank you for giving us the privelege of reading your work.
It was truly a fun read. I chuckled throughout and read it over and over, Great pace to the poem and I think I just about guarantee that I've never read a poem about a pervert mole before, Great imagery, it's the kind ribald little poem one may hear recited around a campfire after a cocktail or two. Well done!!
Nicely done. An very ejoyable read. I thought the pace was good, and the delivery was spot on. The narrator had a neutral voice and seemed to deliver the facts of the story directly and succinctly. The only mistake I caught was in the fourth paragraph where you referred to Fluffy as Flurry. Other than that, the plot mechanics were solid. I got good images of the neighbors and of Fluffy. I thought you showed a good bit of originality with this story. I liked the ending, you tied it back to the beginning, and at least, left me to wonder what may be coming back. I quite enjoyed reading your story.
A very philisophical view on life. I agree, the past is the past, and shouldn't be dwelled on. But, we need to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. You hit the bullseye with today. It is brand new, it's been here before, and it is a chance to do something. As invincible and as immortal as we sometimes feel, we are only given a finite number of oppurtunities, so as you stated we need to make the most of those chances to say what we feel. All too soon tomorrow will be today, and today another yesterday. Nice writing.
I absolutely LOVED it! It was fresh and new, and had me laughing throughout the story. Your voice was impeccable. When I read this line, " I wonder if she fakes that accent. She sounds like a Transylvanian in a bad vampire movie." I immediately had a vision of Bela Lugosi in drag. A very enjoyable read that has made my afternoon!
A lot of emotion shown in a dozen words. I'm harkened to a drummer friend who always told me "Less is more." A moment in time can do so much damage when one takes the wrong path. The battle has been lost before this haiku even begins. The end came before the begnining. A tragedy written in three lines. Very well done!
Nicely done! No one is perfect and I for one wouldn't want to be. The message in your peom is perfect. Always be the best you that you can. Never compromise that belief. If people don't like you, that's your problem, it's theirs. Your poem is a good example of saying a lot with not many words. Thank you for sharing!
According to Muddy Waters, "The Blues Had a Baby and They Called it Rock and Roll." The blues was born in the cotton fields, call and response. It's one of the simplest forms of music to learn, but one of the hardest to master. So much of the blues is based upon pure emotion. Listen to Hank Sr, you can hear the blues in his music. I'd recommend some Elmore James, Hound Dog Taylor, Blind Lemon, Blind Willie McTell. Overall, a good piece about one of my favorite subjects!
I thought the second part of the story was much better than the first. It was actually funny. Through your dialog, I could see Corny perfectly. Well done.
I can empathize with the subject of your piece, but your writing is extremely difficult to read. A sentence is to express one idea, and a paragraph a group of related ideas. You need to pull this down and do an edit and format it properly. I'm not trying to be overly harsh, just trying to help you.
A very moving and touching piece. Sadly, it's a story that rings true too often. If the story is based on your personal experiences, then please, accept my heartfelt sympathies. As far as the writing goes, there were some mistakes, but in the grand scheme of things, they weren't important. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Well, the first part is quite erotic, isn't it? I like the second line, Curved contours and crimson caves, a very vivid picture comes to mind. What I like is there are three parts to this short piece. You can feel the passion, and then the quiet after. The last two lines, so sad in a way, and yet it made me smile. An excellent piece of work in my opinion.
Very straight forward, this little poem. No second guessing what it's all about. I can feel the pain in your words. Time heals all wounds? No, it doesn't. There are times where we have to endure that same ache over and over. I can hear Patsy Cline singing "I Fall to Pieces" in the background as I read your poem. Good luck...
Absolutely bizarre! I felt like I had been dropped into slightly warped version of a 1950's sitcom. It wasn't at all what I expected. I felt your characters were a bit over the top, but in this piece, too much was just enough. It's obvious that you suffer from a sick sense of humor, and we the readers are the ones to benefit. Well done!
Well done! There is something about a horse that is noble and majestic. Your words capture this feeling. I agree they are spirits, and at least here in Nevada there are still small herds of them wandering free. This is what I saw in your poem, a group of eight or nine horses, between Beatty and Goldfield. A look of defiance in their eyes. Like you are I, they are free.
I suspect there is a deeper and darker meaning to this poem. Running against the wind. Bob Seder wrote a song called that. I know how it feels. The night is full of the unknown, that darkness. I like poetry, I wish I could write it. Nicely done.
I have a hard time believing a cop would have just walked away from the stop with evidence of a possible crime starting at him in the face. What are checker men? Do you mean chess pieces? I don't know what quite to say. There are classes on this site, and I would recommend that you take advantage of them if your goal is to continue with writing.
Overall, I thought the writing was quite decent, I had no problem picturing the events. The Russian gaurd and the British officer both felt American. I realize that in a piece so short it's have to give your characters flavor. Look up a few words, have the gaurd yell, "Stoi, stoi." What did he look like? Was his uniform ill fitting? Could you smell the chunk of cheap sausage wrapped in paper that was in his pocket? Have the Brit say something more British than "Go to hell." "Get stuffed" or something along that lines. This sentence confused me, "My body moved like a lithe dolphin coursing through the water like an expert marksman." I think you could have left off the "like a marksman." Well done, I could definitely see this as part of a larger piece of work.
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