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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dllee
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462 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm not doing this for the GPs, please give them where they are needed. I found the newsletter to be informative. I'm not the most participating member of the Power Reviewers but I do support your efforts! By and large I do follow what is going on in the group as well. This newsletter really nails what is going on in the group and I like the recognition to individual members. Encouragement is always needed in such a solitary and very personal pursuit such as our writing.

The format followed in the newsletter is good and there is good use of writing ml.

All-in-all a bang-up job! Well done indeed.

I am your humble servant,
tYpO/T.Boilerman
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2
2
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
All in all, I enjoyed the parts of this writing separately. Perhaps you should break it up into 2 or 3 distinct parts that when fleshed out could stand on their own. I found your musings entertaining, that is for a fictional work.

Are you paranoid? Possibly, but then; aren't we all?

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3
3
Review of Dear Me (2013)  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Jeff: OMG! This is so funny! I have laughed so hard my face hurts! I have just been pushing the random review button and Oh my! This is a totally funny way to do the annual goals letter! I guess my main question is did you actually answer yourself?

Seriously your grammar is flawless as is your spelling. You have set in these paragraphs a story full of humor and inspiration for all of us!

Another aspect of this work I find very unique is the way you have pointed our our own inherent flaw in your T.I.P.S. program. Just getting in there and writing something, anything is really the most important and is a good example for us all to follow!

Again, thank you for touching my day with this humor!

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4
4
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings and Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you love it here as much as we all do! Uh--Hmmm, now down to the business of reviewing your story!

I love the child-like manner in which you have told your story, it certainly would appeal to the young and/or the young at heart, which I am.

I believe your story is well written and comes across nicely. I have a couple of technical points I would like to make though. First off . . . paragraphs! Try dividing into more paragraphs! Your paragraphs are fine but to the reader they can first be put off by large paragraphs wondering how they will ever get to the end of the story. So you will attract more readers by dividing what you have into smaller paragraphs rather than larger ones.

Your characterization is very well done and would make a nice children's short story! The story also moves along well.

The next thing is . . . well conflict. I just didn't catch it. Is the main character's conflict trying to get privacy in such a large mouse family? If so, you could use this issue to create some more inner tension in your lead character.

All-in-all I truly enjoyed your story! I look forward to reading more of your work, and again: Welcome to Writing.com and WRITE ON!

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5
5
Review of Day 16 - 2.11.13  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Admittedly, at first this didn't really work for me as a piece of poetry. I'm unclear what your assignment was . . . that said; I continued to read with great anticipation.

Your description of your office was vivid indeed. I could see the stuff you had gathered. It was a wonderful sight! I have a great appreciation of this space and in the end i had a clearer understanding of your space and you as a person!

Well done! Write on!

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6
6
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Ivanka . Here is my review on "Paris - city of love [18+]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: An enjoyable and sensual read. *Check5*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I suppose one of my favorite things to read is when someone engages the senses and you have done that well!*Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Honestly I feel what you have here is a quite enjoyable start to a much longer story.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: The two characters that really mattered were very well done. They were both very real in my mind.

SHOW VERSUS TELL: You have done a good job here. You have your setting and character descriptions down very well.

SPELLING: No issues detected.*Check5*

GRAMMAR: No issues detected.*Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: None.*Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS/SUGGESTIONS: Again to my mind this seems like a great start to a much bigger story and I would enjoy seeing our hero rescue the woman from her seeming captivity in the brothels of Paris. *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: I note that you are relatively new to the site, WELCOME! If there is anything I can do to help you settle in please do not hesitate to ask! If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. I'd be happy to do so.
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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7
7
Review of To Save a Patient  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Magicmama I'm reviewing your story as a part of my judging process for ""StAG Firebox - Reopening Nov. 1 [13+]. Since I am only one of the judges, this review has no bearing on where your piece places in the contest. It's just my own thoughts and suggestions with regard to your story. I hope you find some of it helpful.*Bigsmile*

FIRST IMPRESSION: An interesting story that makes good use of Steampunk elements. *Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: Clearly a lady, a physician and much more! *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Flows along nicely. You don't give away too much at the beginning and that is good! You have sprinkled little crumbs along the trail for us to follow to the conclusion.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Characters are well developed.

SHOW VERSUS TELL: No issues.

SPELLING: No issues. *Check5*

GRAMMAR: No issues. *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: Two things: I would have liked our lady physician to have just a bit more attitude. She has much to prove after all! The second thing is a little less tangible. The dialogue and narration do not quite read as Victorian. If this is not set in a "British" locale you need to let us know we are in America, but the Victorian should come through somewhere. *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: I very much enjoyed your story! I wish you the best of luck! *Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision, and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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8
8
Review of Grandma  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Harrison . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "Grandma [E]

*Rainbowl*TITLE: Here the title correctly reflects the subject matter of the poem.

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: Your work is rich with imagery of a woman who beholds the now grown infant and the memories they share. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: The flow is a little interrupted in places, but the message flows clearly. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME: Not a rhyming verse. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: The tone is gentle and kind, easy to identify. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: In the second stanza the word presents should be changed to presence. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE FOLLOWING LINES:

A Wish, a Rant, a Reason,
In my loving Grandma’s heart,
I the man can see in you,
The woman who helped me start.

*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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9
9
Review of Dear Me 2014  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Rainbowl* I am reviewing for "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]*Rainbowr*


Hi blue jellybaby . Here is my review on "Dear Me 2014 [ASR]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

*Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr* *Bigsmile* *Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr*


*Rainbowl*FIRST IMPRESSION: Goal setting is important! I am glad you are in touch enough with your inner person and you know yourself well enough to be able to put this together. Overall, this strikes me as optimistic and well thought. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*WHAT I LIKED MOST: I like how you have divided the areas of your life into categories and have defined what you wish to accomplish in each area. I hope you have done well and would be interested in updates. *Rainbowr* *Thumbsup* *Thumbsup* *Thumbsup* *Thumbsup* *Thumbsup*

*Rainbowl*SPELLING: No issues identified. *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*GRAMMAR: No issues identified. *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: I was truly impressed with your use of Writing ML to construct each category you wished to address. It is laid out well and visually appealing. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*CLOSING COMMENTS: As we are just past mid-year an update could be added to this appropriately. *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar**Rainbowr*

WRITE ON!
All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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10
10
Review of My Journal #2  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Personally I like option 1 and 2 the best. I would have a tough choice to make there. Perhaps start her out in option 1 and then when she is discovering her employer is actually a thug he loses her in a card game to the mine owner in option 2. I would really like it if it had a twist where the previous employer in option 1 actually turned out to be a government agent undercover and they end up putting an end to the whole thing together (option 4).

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11
11
Review of Truth  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*Rainbowl* I am reviewing for "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]*Rainbowr*


Hi Open thoughts . Here is my review on "Truth [E]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

*Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr* *Bigsmile* *Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr*


*Rainbowl*FIRST IMPRESSION: Your quote is well constructed and obviously well thought. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*WHAT I LIKED MOST: There is wisdom here to be sure. We are all to quick to speak and we speak without thinking. Words can be weapons as we all well know. We all need to be careful and mindful of our words and actions. We need to consider the impact of both for sometimes our actions even contradict our words. *Rainbowr**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

*Rainbowl*STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: No issues! *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SUGGESTIONS: None really, we all need to live out this kind of truth in our lives! *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*CLOSING COMMENTS: Well done! Looking forward to more of your work! *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Rainbowr*

Please receive this review in the spirit in which it is given. I am here to help! If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. If you have another item that you would like me to review, I'd be happy to do so.

WRITE ON!
All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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12
12
Review of Overcome  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*Rainbowl* I am reviewing for "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]*Rainbowr*


Hi Open thoughts . Here is my review on "Overcome [E]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

*Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr* *Bigsmile* *Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr*


*Rainbowl*FIRST IMPRESSION: A really nice and concise set of thoughts. When these are pondered they can be quite deep. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*WHAT I LIKED MOST: I really like the whole attitude of the piece. I can see your faith shining through. *Rainbowr**Thumbsup*

*Rainbowl*SPELLING: No spelling problems. *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*GRAMMAR: No real grammar problems as such, I think it could be improved by dividing into paragraphs. *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: This could be "fleshed out" a little more, separated into paragraphs, and perhaps some information added. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SUGGESTIONS: You have indeed overcome. I know this but it is because you have shared with me your story. You have only spelled out a little of what you have overcome here, it really would be nice to have some more biographical information added and perhaps some Bible verses not only to substantiate your message but also the ones that helped you overcome. After all, isn't that your message here? *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*CLOSING COMMENTS:Nice job Joseph! I really enjoyed reading this and I am glad you have joined our online community! Welcome!!! *Star**Star**Star**Halfstar**Rainbowr*

Please receive this review in the spirit in which it is given. I am here to help! If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. If you have another item that you would like me to review, I'd be happy to do so.

WRITE ON!
All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Jo-Jo the Clown  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Rainbowl* I am reviewing for "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]*Rainbowr*


Hi billwilcox. Here is my review on "Jo-Jo the Clown [18+]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

*Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr* *Bigsmile* *Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr*


*Rainbowl*FIRST IMPRESSION:A well presented little tale of horror and revenge. I must say though, as a professional clown who does birthday parties this story does give me pause. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*WHAT I LIKED MOST: I like how the typeface changes after you finish your "preface." It gives a clear message that one part of the story is finished and another of a different type has begun. *Rainbowr**Thumbsup*

*Rainbowl*PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Perfect. Very well done. The story does not sag or lag it moves right along to its conclusion.*Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Each character does its job quite well. I can sense Joey's frustration with his life quite well. The mother who answers the door is well characterized and we immediately know what type of person she is. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SHOW VERSUS TELL: Really, no issues here this story very well written. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SPELLING: No problems. *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*GRAMMAR No problems.: *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: None. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SUGGESTIONS: I would love a followup story if JoJo and the little girl somehow were able to get out of the fire. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*CLOSING COMMENTS: Anytime a story leaves the reader wanting more we know we have done a great job! Cudos on a fine story. *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Rainbowr*

WRITE ON!
All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Kalamity  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi kiyasama. Here is my review on "Kalamity [13+]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: Well you have managed to put this competition off to a great start! I have truly enjoyed reading your story and it is true to the Steampunk genre. *Hand1* *Mustachel**Mustacher* *Hand2*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: The thing that really stands out for me is the way the story is told between the young seaman's dying breaths in flashbacks. You have executed this with a masterful hand. *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Plotting was very well done. As the story unfolds you set the stage, midpoint it does not sag or lag and has an expected and satisfying end. *Tophat*

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:I do feel that I know the characters. The past relationships of the characters, their backgrounds and the person they are presented as make them believable. *Tophat*

SHOW VERSUS TELL: I have no issues here, the story is nicely narrated and appropriately presented. *Tophat*

SPELLING: No issues. *Check5* *Tophat*

GRAMMAR: None detected. *Check5* *Tophat*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: None. *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: No problems. *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: From the naval-historical standpoint for historical accuracy mention could be made of the process of "snorkeling." This relates back to the WWII diesel powered submarines ("diesel boats" as the submariners lovingly refer to them). The process was needed periodically because the subs had no real life support and the air became very stale. Having mentioned this: Your story is fine without it. Just something to think about in the future should you wish to have followup stories. *Pocketwatch*

CLOSING COMMENTS: This is a polished story. It begins almost as a mystery as the reader wonders what could be happening to this young man but as the story unfolds it becomes abundantly clear. Your scenes are most engaging and description is done very well. Other than from a technical aspect I really have no suggestions. *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*Rainbowl* I am reviewing for "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]*Rainbowr*


Hi countrygirl322 - . Here is my review on "Eternally Grateful [18+]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

*Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr* *Bigsmile* *Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr*


*Rainbowl*FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a memoir laden with deep emotion and pain but through the sorrow you struggle and find your way.*Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*WHAT I LIKED MOST: I am especially moved by the frank way you share these events from your life. You have indeed had your struggles! *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION:Since this is a memoir it does not exactly track the way a fiction story would. Still there is a satisfying conclusion to the story. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SPELLING: No issues. One word though at the end of the second to last paragraph: You said "faithful summer," did you mean "fateful summer?" *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*GRAMMAR No issues. *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: None. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SUGGESTIONS:I believe your story is well written and presented in a fashion that is easy to read. I do believe that there is a little room for improvement. Would you consider adding some setting, perhaps a few details like was it a sunny day, overcast, humid or cold and snowing? Some setting as to locations: Where did you pull over? What were the doctor's offices/hospitals like? Where did you pull over on the road? What were the reactions of friends and family?You have mentioned how you felt they would react but you did not present how they reacted. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*CLOSING COMMENTS: I truly enjoyed what you have written here. It was emotionally moving and easy to follow along. *Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar**Rainbowr*

Please receive this review in the spirit in which it is given. I am here to help! If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. If you have another item that you would like me to review, I'd be happy to do so.

WRITE ON!
All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of INVISIBLE  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*Rainbowl* I am reviewing for "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]*Rainbowr*


Hi Joseph . is my review on "Invalid Item . Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

*Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr* *Bigsmile* *Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr*


*Rainbowl*FIRST IMPRESSION: This will be a great story! It has some very good points. There is also room for improvement. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*WHAT I LIKED MOST: The story reads almost like a personal experience. Your faith does come shining through. *Rainbowr**Thumbsup*

*Rainbowl*PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: There is a story to be told here. There is good drama. There is also action. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Your characters do come through but may need some more introduction and back story. I have no idea if your lead character is fat or skinny, tall or short of if he is wearing inappropriate clothing or what, does this make sense to you? *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SHOW VERSUS TELL: There is more room for improvement here. Your story does lack some in dialogue and in narration. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: One of the things I would keep in mind were I to be writing in the inspirational field is that a Christian's vocabulary contains words that people out in the world do not necessarily understand and as Christian writers we need to avoid these words. Words like "witness" have a completely different meaning to people who do not regularly attend a church of similar faith to your own. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SUGGESTIONS: If you can re-work your story, add some description, some dialogue and maybe a bit of description to your characters. There is also a much longer story to be told here. Please take your time and think through what you want to accomplish. Add some back story. Add some interaction with his girl, make her worry about him. Show us his parents really do care for him and are concerned for how he is living his life. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*CLOSING COMMENTS: All in all, I think you have the makings of a fine story with just a bit more effort! Remember in this, as in all things our Lord deserves our very best efforts to shine forth His light. *Star**Star**Star**Halfstar**Rainbowr*

Please receive this review in the spirit in which it is given. I am here to help! If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. If you have another item that you would like me to review, I'd be happy to do so.

WRITE ON!
All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of What If?  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "What If? [E] *Pocketwatch*

*Rainbowl*TITLE: What if?

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY:I am not sure imagery is exactly appropriate as this piece asks the question "What if?". It does bring to mind a young girl contemplating a boy she has recently met, young love and the potential of it. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM:Rhythm and flow are well done and uninterrupted. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*PERSONIFICATION: Again, this is well done. You have made this very personal and intimate. It is the self-questioning, not doubting, it is as if you are able to hear her thought process. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME:No issues. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: Tone remains consistent throughout. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING:The following line:

Baby I am so excited to see what lies ahead for use in the rest.

I am unclear about the word "use" was that meant to be us?
*Checkb*

*Rainbowl*I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE FOLLOWING LINES:

What if it was written in the stars above?
Written in the language of love?


*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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18
18
Review of New Beginnings  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Hi countrygirl322 - . Here is my review on "New Beginnings [E]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

*Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr* *Bigsmile* *Balloonr* *Balloony* *Balloonr*

*Rainbowl*FIRST IMPRESSION:This is very well organized and written. While I recognize that it is a narrative and events are being presented in order it is just so well done! You draw your reader in with the emotions you have skillfully included and the reader begins to find himself/herself in your shoes feeling what you felt. This is the story of a journey to a new life! *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*WHAT I LIKED MOST:How do I begin to pick? I think I like most that this is the story not of endings but of a journey to new beginnings. There is a sense of anticipation weaved throughout your story, that is what I liked most! *Rainbowr**Thumbsup*

*Rainbowl*SHOW VERSUS TELL:This was done well. You communicated a few settings with exceptional skill. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SPELLING: No problems detected. *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*GRAMMAR: No issues. *Check5* *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: None. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*SUGGESTIONS: This is the story of you. There is not much I could really suggest for improvement as I believe this piece will stand on its own merits quite well. *Rainbowr*

*Rainbowl*CLOSING COMMENTS: I am so pleased you have joined our WdC community. We are so pleased to have you here! I am sure we will see great things from you! *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Rainbowr*

Please receive this review in the spirit in which it is given. I am here to help! If you have another item that you would like me to review, I'd be happy to do so.

WRITE ON!
All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi marylou4 . Here is my review on "The Masks of Our Heart [E]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. Please receive them in the spirit in which they are given, that is I truly want to be helpful! *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: Cute story! Very nice light reading about young love! *Clock*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I like that they were attracted to the inner person. *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Here's the thing. Okay, she is bored at school and can't wait until school is out. I get that and I get that she feels her parents are too strict with her and that she feels she has to sneak around. All of that is clear to me. You have a great start at a lovely story here. *Key*

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: I am unclear of both character's ages, what they look like or how they might be dressed. *Puzzle3*

SPELLING: No spelling problems noted. *Check5* *Puzzle1*

GRAMMAR: There is too much use of quotation marks, some of them are simply not needed. *Check5* *Puzzle1*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS:The story has a beginning, somewhat of a middle. I like the metaphorical "we removed our masks that night," but right after that you simply say "what happened is history." This leaves me, as the reader feeling unsatisfied. Did they continue to date, fall in love, break up? What was their history? *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: I think some basic formatting would go a long way not only for the appearance of your piece but also to aid the reader. Just minor things like spacing between paragraphs, an indent at the beginning can go a long way! Also as a story about teens the vocabulary may need a little tweaking, some of the words used, though internal in the character's head are just not teenager-like. *Idea*

CLOSING COMMENTS: I know I have pointed out some things, but all-in-all it is a sweet story and worthy of some simple revision. After you have written something you should put it away for a day or so. Then come back and carefully read your piece. When reading look to see that it is presented in an attractive manner. I truly believe you could expand this out. *Pawprints**Pawprints**Pawprints**Pawprints**Pawprints*

I would like me to re-review/re-rate your story after some editing, please send me a message.

Welcome to the Writing.com community! I am so glad you are here!

WRITE ON!
All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Jeff . Here is my review on "The Ex-Girlfriends Club [ASR]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: WOW! I really enjoyed this short and to the point story! It held my attention from beginning to end! *Clock*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: The idea of the ex-girlfriend's club and its qualifications! Priceless genius!*Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Plot moves along at a very nice pacing. Just enough hook to bring a reader to the finish of the story!*Key*

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: I believe I know enough about both of them for the situation of the story.*Puzzle3*

SHOW VERSUS TELL: I had no difficulty with the setting in a restaurant on a date out to dinner. *Puzzle2*

SPELLING: No problems detected*Check5*

GRAMMAR: Again, no problem!*Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: None detected. The story moves along very nicely. *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: I saw no cause for comment.*Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: This story is genius, none of my suggestions could do it justice!*Idea*

CLOSING COMMENTS: Jeff, this story left me wanting for more! I could see this story evolving into a larger work of some sort. Yet, it does stand on its own nicely! *Pawprints**Pawprints**Pawprints**Pawprints**Pawprints*


WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
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Review of Brush and Dot  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello i care for writing . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "Brush and Dot [E]

*Rainbowl*TITLE: Brush and Dot

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY:Well this is interesting. Your choice of imagery gave human qualities to inanimate objects. All in all, I think, a good choice. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: It flows well. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME:Non-rhyming. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: Tone is whimsical and almost carefree until the end where the conflict ensues. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: Good choice of words. No punctuation problems. *Checkb*

*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Sapphire Aude I'm reviewing your story as a part of my judging process for ""The Magic of Christmas [E] . Since I am only one of the judges, this review has no bearing on where your piece places in the contest. It's just my own thoughts and suggestions with regard to your story. I hope you find some of it helpful.*Bigsmile*

FIRST IMPRESSION: *Gift1* GREAT STORY! You have successfully captured the magic of Christmas through the eyes of children! Then you take us on a fantasy adventure, and a truly enjoyable read!

WHAT I LIKED MOST: *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup* Where do I begin? Narration, plot, dialogue, or characterization?

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: You plotting is flawless. It flowed very well from beginning to end. Your storytelling kept spurring me forward and drew me to a very satisfying end.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Wonderful characters and names. Each with their own desires and thoughts.

SHOW VERSUS TELL: I felt as if I was there!

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: *Check5* NONE!

SPELLING: *Check5* FLAWLESS!

GRAMMAR: *Check5* FLAWLESS!

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: *Check5* FLAWLESS!

CLOSING COMMENTS: *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* I absolutely loved this story! It was truly amazing! THANK YOU!

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision, and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review of Purity  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello 🌓 HuntersMoon . This is my 3rd and final review for your package in support of "Invalid Item .

I am reviewing your poem "Purity [E]

*Rainbowl*TITLE:"Purity [E]; this title really well summarizes this wondeful little poem.

*Rainbowl*FORM/STYLE: Troi-par-Huit. Done exceptionally well and a most visually appealling presentation.

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: Some of your best work with this poem is your imagery. You engage the senses of sight, smell, and sound. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: Flow is uninterrupted and a nice rhythm is maintained. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME: Done well and as dictated by your chosen form *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: Established at the beginning and maintained. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: No issues; nicely done! *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: While I am not what you would classify as a tough reviewer, neither am I easily flattering. Your work is amazing and was a pleasure for me to review!
WRITE ON!


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24
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello 🌓 HuntersMoon . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "The Secret Life of Flowers [E]

*Rainbowl*TITLE: "The Secret Life of Flowers [E] A title most appropriate that well represents your work.

*Rainbowl*{{size:4}FORM/STYLE: Shakesperean Sonnet and nicely done!

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: This poem is alive with imagery! You have engaged the senses of sight and smell; well done! *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: Flow is uninterrupted and has a pleasing cadence. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME: Well done! *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: Well done! *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: No issues; well done! *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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25
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi chip . Here is my review on "Puppy Love is Forever [E]. If the tone of some of what I have written below seems over critical, please know that this is not my intention. I do see really good potential in what you have written here and my intention is to help you improve. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please let me know and I'd be happy to do so. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an interesting piece that has potential to be better! It kind of reads like a touching memoir but does still need some work. *Check5*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I get the impression that the author/narrator is very close to the story, whether or not this story is true or fiction it seems that way. *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION/CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT/SHOW VERSUS TELL: For 4 short paragraphs you have adequate characterization but there is not enough here for a complete plot. You have a beginning, it seems to progress to a middle, but the ending seems just a little weak, at least to my read. From the incident of the fall, what I as the reader needs, is to know where it went from there? Did you grow up and drift apart? Did she become your wife? Have you lived happily ever after? These are the things the readers of this piece will want to know, and these are what will provide a satisfying conclusion.

SPELLING: In one place you use the word whole when it should have been hole. Also you changed the spelling of Jeanie from the 1st paragraph to Jeanne in the 2nd and then back to Jeanie in the 4th. Finally, in the 4th paragraph "but stopped as her girl friends were al around her. . ." *Check5*

GRAMMAR: No major problems standing out to me, but I do have some suggestions. You might consider changing your first sentence to 3 shorter sentences. Also some of your adjectives don't quite work for me.

In the end of the 1st paragraph you say "I developed such a crush on Jeanie Jensen that I drifted over to her house and just sor of hung out in front." "Drifted" indicates aimlessness; consider how "wandered" might work in its place.

"When I saw her hand go up to answer a question put to the class by the teacher, Mrs. Thut, and hard her answer that was as sound as all her answers to Mrs. Thut's questions." This seems to me to be a fragmented sentence.

Commas! This is one of my problem areas too! One example from the 3rd paragraph:

"My loving crush as recognized in my feelings and thinking was as real as the sun it the sky."

This could be revised as follows:

"My loving crush, as recognized in my feelings, and thinking was as real as the sun in the sky." *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: This is not exactly a short story, not exactly an article, but it does read kind of like a memoir. Here you are telling us the story, might you consider revising into a short story, or at least use that format to convey this sweet little tale?

A couple of ideas on formatting at the top you have the New Horizons student graphic, it would be more visually appealing if it were centered. Also below the graphic you have repeated the title. Might consider either deleting the title or centering it also. Really, there is no need for it there unless it is some rule of the academy, and if that is the case it would just look better centered, bolded, and made larger. *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: In the 4th paragraph there is just too much blood for a simple fall, or at least for the injuries described. Perhaps a bloody nose would have blood all over her dress but not scratches on her face, knees, and hand.

Lastly, your first and last sentences are critical to how your reader views your piece. Your first sentence should draw the reader in and make them want to read more. Your final sentence should make some sort of concluding statement. *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: Again, my comments are intended to help you improve this piece. I would really love to help with your revision should you wish that help. If ANY of my SUGGESTIONS above do not suit you, please feel free to pay them no mind whatsoever. *Star* *Star* *Star* *Halfstar*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, your vision, and you know it best! If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!


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