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26
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Highwind . Here is my review on "My Beauty-Full Princess"  [E]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: A wonderful depiction of a mother's love for her newborn child and the emotions she experiences as that child grows and becomes. *Check5*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I love all the emotion packed in this powerful little snapshot of a mother's love! *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: This is fine work that lies somewhere between a story and poetry, perhaps a little of both.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: These characters require nothing further; they serve their purposes well.

SPELLING: No issues on spelling. *Check5*

GRAMMAR: In your opening lines you represented your title in partia title-case, you might consider either full title case or just going to lower case, either way for artistic purposes might be appropriate! Might want to look for a couple of missing commas but overall well done. *Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: No issues here! *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: No issues! *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: Write some more stuff and get it up here for all of us! *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: I am so glad you came back! Life frankly happens! Please write some more as soon as you can! Welcome back to Simply Positive too! If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. I'd be happy to do so.
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review of Change (revised)  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello id1214. Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "Change (revised)"  [13+]

*Rainbowl*TITLE: Your title is very appropriate and represents your work well.

*Rainbowl*FORM/STYLE: Regular rhyming verse. Well done!

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: Good! You have done some good work here! You have well represented the change that is life. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM:A little rough in places to me. But whatyou have here makes good sense to me. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*METAPHOR/PERSONIFICATION/SIMILIE: Wow! Your entire work is very metaphorical. I do think your chosen metaphors work well. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME: No issues. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: No issues. Well done! *Checkb*

*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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28
Review of House of Wax  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Lynn McKenzie . Here is my review on "House of Wax"  [13+]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: A chilling piece of Steampunk/horror fiction worthy of Mr. Poe himself. For those who may choose to read SPOILER ALERT: I loved the tie in at the ending with more current events. This really cinched up the ending nicely! I don't want to say too much about the ending at this point as I don't want to spoil it too much for those who haven't read it yet. Very fine work indeed. *Check5*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: What is not to like? This story gripped my attention from beginning to end. You established voice well early on and maintained it through the story. *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Plot is very well conceived and executed.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Likewise your characters are very well cast and complete. Even your characterization of Mr. Poe, though not himself a character, has history with your character, and therefore is nicely done. Griswold is complete and very believable. His companions serve their purpose in the story well.

SHOW VERSUS TELL: You use good imagery in your settings that pull the reader into the scene and help them experience it rather than just reading it. For example, your settings not only stimulate visually but they stimulate auditory as well. Further, in the gathering of the gentlemen I could practically smell the cigars and pipe smoke.

SPELLING: No issues detected. *Check5*

GRAMMAR: No issues detected. *Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: For me, there was only one issue and that was the use of the medical diagnosis of dementia. I am curious if that particular word, phrase, or diagnosis was appropriate to the time. I would need to look into that. It was well known that Mr. Poe suffered probably a bipolar-type mental illness of some sort though. *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: Well done. *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: The only suggestion I have is please join "The Steampunk Authors' Guild "  [E]. You would be a most welcome addition to our group! *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: This is a great story. Very well done. In its present form it is complete and needs nothing really. A most enjoyed read!
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review of My Dragon Heart  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* *Star* *Star* RISING STARS MEMBER TO MEMBER REVIEW *Star* *Star* *Star*


General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Lord Norry Wolfsbane . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "My Dragon Heart"  [13+]

*Rainbowl*TITLE:"My Dragon Heart"  [13+]. This is a good title that represents your work well and prepares the reader.

*Rainbowl*FORM/STYLE: Rhyming verse, interesting pattern, and visually appealing.

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: Good imagery which helps capture the emotions. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: Flows well with no interruption and an appealing cadence. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME: Well done. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: Well maintained from beginning to end.*Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: Words are well chosen with one possible exception:
Now the futures darkness spilled
Senses numbed, soul unfilled -- here did you mean unfulfilled?
No spelling or punctuation issues. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE FOLLOWING LINES:
He filled my heart with light and heat
With pain infused each throbbing beat.
Of love requited
Never spurned

Unconsummated
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: In the beginning you set up a pattern two longer lines followed by two shorter lines, and an appropriate adjective alone follows. I really enjoyed this pattern and thought it worked very well. You chose not to continue this pattern in the last two versus. You might want to reconsider this choice. Nevertheless, it is a well done poem and stands fine on its own merits. Very well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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Review of Interactive Art  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi thrdeyeopen. Here is my review on "Interactive Art"  [13+]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: Nicely done short-short/flash fiction.*Check5*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: A little bit of Twilight Zone here. Rod Serling would be downright proud! Very interesting that you put the beginning of the story at the end. It was a nice device and I think it worked well. *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: You have a good plot, short, moves along nicely with no real gaps in the story.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Well developed enough for this type of fiction.

SPELLING: No issues. *Check5*

GRAMMAR: No issues. *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: Nicely done! I really enjoyed this story!
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review of He Cannot Breathe  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello C. Davenport . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "He Cannot Breathe"  [E]

*Rainbowl*TITLE: Fitting title that well represents your work.

*Rainbowl*FORM/STYLE: Open verse; non-rhyming.

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: Mostly this is a memoir-type work memorializing the passing of a loved-one. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: It has a rhythm and flows nicely. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: Well maintained tone beginning to end. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: Good word choices; no technical issues. *Checkb*

Overall: Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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Review of Angel  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello waynelee . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "Angel"  [E]

*Rainbowl*TITLE: Your title well represents your work.

*Rainbowl*{{size:4}FORM/STYLE: Rhyming verse.

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: You do have nice imagery and you have engaged several of the senses, sight, hearing, and smell, as well as the emotions in this work. In that, well done indeed! *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: Moves along nicely enough and has a pleasing rhythm. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: No real issues. *Checkb*

Overall: Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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Review of The Eagle  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello 1765233. Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "The Eagle"  [13+]

*Rainbowl*TITLE: "The Eagle"  [13+] a title appropriate and well represents your work.

*Rainbowl*FORM/STYLE: Rhyming verse; well done.

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: *Checkb* Your work is rife with crystal clear imagery. You have indeed stimulated the visual senses as well as the emotions with your imagery.

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: Flows nicely. Not choppy. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*METAPHOR/PERSONIFICATION/SIMILIE: Your representation of the human spirit with the eagle is not a new one but I believe you have given us a fresh look and presented it in a unique way that only you could *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME: No issues; well done. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: No issues; well maintained. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: No issues; well done. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE FOLLOWING LINES:

A maiden fair with eyes of green
At the tender age of seventeen
Awaits the return of her love so dear
Who has been gone almost a year

You have given us an apt description of your lead character and a presentation of a bit of her life all rolled into this verse.

*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: Very nicely done indeed! I truly enjoyed this publication worthy work! Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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Review of Wake Up Call  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi tarabites . Here is my review on "Wake Up Call"  [13+]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: The simple and pure curiosity of a child is captured here in ths snapshot taken from life. *Check5*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: I enjoyed the simple purity of the portrayal of the daughter. *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: In and of itself many may not find a story complete here but I do and it is well done complete with beginning, middle, and end; all right where they should be.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Sufficient for your purposes here.

CLOSING COMMENTS: Nicely done little tale! Thanks for sharing it!
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Halfstar*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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35
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Allie . Here is my review on "Title Yet To Be Found"  [E]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: What you have here is as you described in your forum post the first page of chapter 1 from a novel idea you have. It appears you are off to a good start! *Check5*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: The reference to the American accent made me smile but there are so many "American Accents," to which one do you refer?. For example take the Northeastern United States. People in Maine have a much different accent from those in Massachusetts, both are "New England" states. New York alone has several accents from New York City to Broolkyn to the Bronks. There is a southern accent and it is not to be confused with the Texas accent. All of these are quite different. For the sake of helping out your reader, decide what area of the US the caller lives in and give her that accent. *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: As mentioned above your are off to a good start. You have an opening scene. But to be sure, you need to decide how these characters got to where they are and you need to know where they are going.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: There is not enough story here to really define your characters. But you do have the girl who is an American and you do have your main character. Until you really give them some history they will be a work in progress.

SHOW VERSUS TELL: Again, too soon to tell but it looks like you are, as mentioned, off to a good start. *Bigsmile*

SPELLING/GRAMMAR: *Check5* What you need to be careful of is proofreading what you put out for others to read. For example in your sentence below you have not misspelled anything:

I stirred in my sleep, waking my body from a not to peaceful dream.

What you have done though is used the wrong word and your spell checker won't catch that error for you. That is why proofreading is so important! We have many, many contests for you around the site and you may compete with other's whose work may or may not have such errors. But enough of those errors will hold back an otherwise great story.

SUGGESTIONS: *Check5* Define who your characters are. Get an idea of what their goals are and where you want to go with the story! We have a lot of great groups for you and there are a lot of people who would love to help you out!

CLOSING COMMENTS: Keep working on your story! Do a bit each day and as ideas occur to you during the day write them down quickly so you don't lose them in the chaos of life! If you would like me to review/rate your story again after an edit, please send me a message. I'd be happy to do so.
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

WELCOME TO WdC! WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review of Fate  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Rainbowl* I am reviewing for "SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWERS GROUP"  [E]*Rainbowr*
AND
*Rainbowl* I am reviewing for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]*Rainbowr*


General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Stephanie . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "Fate"  [E]

*Rainbowl*TITLE: "Fate"  [E] a well chosen and appropriate title that represents your work well.

*Rainbowl*FORM/STYLE: Short rhyming verse.

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: Good imagery is used as you describe a few metaphores in the wind, and fate's twisted hand. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: Flows nicely and has a good rhythm. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*METAPHOR/PERSONIFICATION/SIMILIE: You have used metaphor extensively for representations throughout your work and the metaphors you have chosen are appropriate and do resonate well with emotion. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME: Rhyming is pretty good. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: You have maintained your tone throughout. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: Good choices; no issues here. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE FOLLOWING LINES:
We wonder of all the greatness that may have awaited
or all the great tragedy we may have abated
If fate's twisted hand did not cruelly ordain
that this is the position where we must remain
*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: I enjoyed reading your work and read it over several times. It was well penned and very much enjoyed. Welcome to WdC!
WRITE ON!


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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Harry . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "Why Did My Grandmother Have To Die?"  [ASR]

*Rainbowl*TITLE: "Why Did My Grandmother Have To Die?"  [ASR]. The title certainly fits the work and it prepares the reader for the experience they are about to undertake.

FORM/STYLE: Regular rhyming verse that depicts how to handle a delicate situation of explaining the death of a loved one to a child.

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: Well done with the roses, thorns, etc. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM: Flows well with no interruptions and it has a pleasing cadence. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*METAPHOR/PERSONIFICATION/SIMILIE: Metaphor is used by the parents to explain death to the child. It sort of "puts the oookies down on a lower shelf" for the child; so to speak. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME: Good rhyming and you had some difficult ones but you handled them well. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*TONE: You set your tone at the beginning and carried it through to the end; nicely done! *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: Good word choices no grammar or spelling issues at all! *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE FOLLOWING LINES:
The little girl thought, then said, "Before my life closes,
I hope to be like Grandma - a rose in bloom 'til her last breath

This is the moment of realization and it lets the reader know that learning has taken place. *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: I would truly love to see this work as an illustrated children's book used to educate the young on the death of a loved one! You handled this subject with extreme grace and delicacy! Great job! Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello jackptollers . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "Forest of Fading Secrets"  [E]

*Rainbowl*TITLE:"Forest of Fading Secrets"  [E] an interesting and mysterious choice for a title, it makes the reader wonder what is to come?

*Rainbowl*IMAGERY: You have done some good work here. I live in a somewhat forrested area and your descriptions are exactly on point and they bring out really nice visuals. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*FLOW/RHYTHM/TONE: While this is not exactly a rhyming poem there is an appealing cadence to it. You set your tone at the opening line and carried it through to the end. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*METAPHOR/PERSONIFICATION/SIMILIE: Superficially, it would seem that you were describing a walk through the forrest. As the reader repeats the reading it gets deeper and more meaningful, you connect the dots, and the discovery is made of a description of a life's journey. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*RHYME: Again, not a rhyming work as such but it does have appealing cadence *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*WORD CHOICE/PUNCTUATION/SPELLING: No issues here good choices, spelling, and grammar. *Checkb*

*Rainbowl*I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE FOLLOWING LINES:
Silent, ever so silent,
for the whispers of the rustling leaves would betray no secret of the cynical wood. *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

Overall: I really enjoyed your work, good metaphor, visually appealing, and it speaks from the heart! Well penned and very much enjoyed.
WRITE ON!


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Review of Lilac Time  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello fyn . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "Lilac Time"  [E]

Title: "Lilac Time"  [E] an interesting title, sure to attract those who enjoy poetry and like your poem it is rife with metaphor.

Imagery: For such a short work you have so much imagery here. First, I must say that with your theme of lilac your choice of color for the poem is most appropriate. You have many good visuals here with the garden, the paths, the vines, flowers etc. It is visually appealing on several levels.

Flow/Rhythm: Flows well and has a pleasing cadence.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: You have really done your work here. Here you have an older couple who have walked life's journey together. They are in love and their love is a sweet aroma. Like the "wizened and twisted bushes" their lives have become entwined to the point that it is difficult for an observer to note where one begins and the other ends. The garden, to me is representative of the whole of their life with it's well trodden paths.

Tone: You maintain an excellent, sweet, and pleasing tone from start to finish.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: Your words are chosen well and as mentioned above each does its job well. No spelling or punctuation issues.

I especially like the following lines:

Veined, age-spotted hands clasp as they hold
a conversation without saying
a single word, for there is no need.

This was an easy choice for me. While I am not quite old, I have had 40 years with my wife and cherish each moment I have with her.

Overall: WELL DONE! This is a pleasing work which I have now read several times. It has depth and meaning to it. A most significant work! Well penned and a much enjoyed read. Write on!
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Review of Worlds Apart  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Aisha Shadow . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "Worlds Apart"  [13+]

Title: "Worlds Apart"  [13+] the title well represents your work. It is appropriate and lets the reader know what they may expect.

Form/Style: Nonrhyming, emotional, romantic poem.

Imagery: Good visual imagery with clouds and a shared moment.

Flow: Flows well. Not choppy. Complete thoughts.

Metaphor: Like your title, your chosen metaphor is "Worlds apart." I think you have well represented your theme and shown that these worlds can be bridged by love.

Tone: Tone is well maintained from beginning to ending. You have created a small story of a moment where new love is realized.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: Word choices good. No issues with spelling or punctuation.

I especially like the following lines:

Yet as your hand reaches out and touches mine
All of a sudden our worlds collide
And nothing else matters, all barriers broken
For I feel you and welcome your body and mind.

Overall: Nicely done! It is a great little piece that really portrays the moment love is realized. Well penned and a much enjoyed read. Write on!
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Jakrebs I'm reviewing your story "Yorlan, Fool for Love"  [ASR] as a part of my judging process for "Invalid Item"  . Since I am only one of the judges, this review has no bearing on where your piece places in the contest. It's just my own thoughts and suggestions with regard to your story. I hope you find some of it helpful.*Bigsmile*

FIRST IMPRESSION: Another fine story with a good and appropriate title *Bigsmile*. You made good use of the contest prompt and wrote a nice story that was laced with just a good bit of humor! Well done! *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: The following two lines really made me smile:
“You are the weakest link! Goodbye.” *Thumbsup* *Thumbsup* *Thumbsup*
“Man, that hellhound really burns my a** *Thumbsup* *Thumbsup* *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: You have a fine story that is nicely plotted. It moves well, although I did find the beginning a little slow, once I was into the story it moved well and had a satisfying ending.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Yorlan is very well portrayed as is your dragon! They are well rounded characters both with a history and little quirks that really livened up the story.

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY/SPELLING/GRAMMAR: Really I had very few issues and you do seem to be developing as a writer over time. This story is definitely as good as, or maybe even better than your last one. The only real technical issue I have is this:

The pass snakes it way (should be its) through the mountains for a mile or so. *Check5*

STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: See "SNAGS" above. *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: There is really nothing for me to suggest about this story. It's a great little story full of magic and humor. It has a sweet ending. Good job! *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: I think you have produced a good story here. I am looking forward to more from you in the future! Thank you and please keep sharing your stories with us! *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision, and you know it best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Kotaro I'm reviewing your story "The Case of the Diamond Watch Glass"  [13+]as a part of my judging process for ""The Pressure Valve - closed for now."  [13+] . Since I am only one of the judges, this review has no bearing on where your piece places in the contest. It's just my own thoughts and suggestions with regard to your story. I hope you find some of it helpful.*Bigsmile*

FIRST IMPRESSION: In this story the game is afoot! Well thought, well planned, and well executed! Good use of the prompt. *Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: An interesting take on Holmes and Watson in a subterranean city hidden from public view and ruled by a maniacal madman! *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: You have an action packed teaser at the beginning of the story that brings us into the midst of a life-or-death situation, with a narrow escape, and a tragic end. The story progresses smoothly to the end and doesn't fail to keep your attention.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: You captured the essence of these characters complete with their idiosyncracies and tastes.

SPELLING: No issues detected. *Check5*

GRAMMAR: No issues detected. *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS:

CLOSING COMMENTS: Like several other of the stories I have read in this contest this story captures the essence of early science ficition and has brought it forward into a steampunk-type setting. You maintained voice well throughout the story. You hold your readers attention well. I could easily see a whole new series of Holmes and Watson coming across this genre. *Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision, and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
GREAT JOB! I AM SO EXCITED! I will donat a shower package from the Showering Acts of Joy group but I need to find the page so that I can get an idea of which package. We are off to a great start on this! You proceed as you think best!
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Legerdemain . Here is my review on "The Dragon Skin Coat"  [18+]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: Man versus dragon; I loved it! Compact and complete flash fiction story! *Bigsmile*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: The battle scene was wonderful and very well done! *Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: Plot was great and progressed smoothly with no loose ends left. Resolution was satisfying and it is interesting to note the impact the encounter left with Jonathan.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Characters were developed and appropriate to their circumstances.

SHOW VERSUS TELL: No issues; well done! *Check5**Check5*

SPELLING: No issues; well done! *Check5**Check5*

GRAMMAR: No issues; well done! *Check5**Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: No issues; well done! *Check5**Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: There is nothing I can really offer to this nicely done work! Except that you should do some more! *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: Great story! Full of details, moves swiftly, and wrapped up in a concise and satisfying package! *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know your characters best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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Review of please dont.  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Lela . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "please dont. "  [13+]. My first impressions are that it is full of emotion and pain. I do believe you have written it from the heart. Whether from personal experience, or to highlight to others what some are going through it is nicely done.

Title: ""please dont. "  [13+]" I'm not sure I understand the significance of the title here.

Flow/Rhythm: It flows nicely and there is a rhythm.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: This is written as an omiscient narrator viewing a particular event in the life of some young lady in tragic circumstances.

Rhyme: In places it rhymes well but it others it does not but this doesn't interrupt the flow of the work, at least, not for me.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: Good word choices. No spelling or punctuation issues. For me, it would be better without the double spacing though. Just a double space between verses would be sufficient and would be more visually appealing.

Overall: Well penned and a much enjoyed read. Welcome to WDC! Write on!
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Lord Norry Wolfsbane . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "A victory of Darkness"  [13+]

Title: ""A victory of Darkness"  [13+]" The title is appropriate to the rest of the work.

Imagery: The imagery here is intense and well described.

Flow/Rhythm: Flow is smooth and uninterrupted.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: A strong case could be made that there is more going on here than mere night terrors. There is a fear and uncertainty mixed with anxiety, perhaps about the future.

Tone: Good tone, well maintained throughout.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: You have chosen your words well and each does its job nicely; nothing unnecessary. No spelling or punctuation issues.

I especially like the following lines:

My heart pulsed, in sync with the black waves of fear.
Constrained, immobile, unable to blink, feeling, not hearing, the susurration of its desire to feed on my spirit.

I love the intensity here!

Overall: Nicely done! Great job! Well penned and a much enjoyed read. Write on!
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Liam . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem "The Fast, The Strong and The Willing"  [E]

Title: "Th Fast, The Strong, and The willing." Interesting title for an interesting work.

Form/Style: Rhyme & Metered verse.

Imagery: Rife with imagery torn from the pages of ancient athletic competition.

Flow/Rhythm: Flow and cadence are smooth, rhythmic, and very appealing.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: I do suspect this has as much to do with success in life as it does success on the track.

Rhyme: Appealing and nicely done.

Tone: Good tone.

Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: Your words were chosen well. This poem could be used as an introduction to an epic tale.

I especially like the following lines:

And wherein lies the fountain of our glory
That gushes forth our deeds in epic story?

These make the reader not only appreciate the beauty of your work but it makes them think. You ask several questions but this, I think, is the most direct and involved me greatly as the reader.

Overall: Nicely done! Great work! Well penned and a much enjoyed read.

Write on!
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Review of "Crystal Tear"  
Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find this review helpful.

Hello Unanimousawareness . Good day to you.

I am reviewing your poem ""Crystal Tear""  [E]

Title: "Crystal Tear" -- A title appropriate to the work.

Form/Style: Rhyming verse.

Imagery: There is much imagery used here*Exclaim* The idea of a crystal tear itself being nothing new, your presentation is fresh and appropriate*Exclaim*

Flow/Rhythm: Pleasing rhythmic cadence.

Metaphor/Personification/Simile: The entire poem is metaphoric. The crystal tear being related to her fears as evidenced in the ending. She also is gazing into the sky as the tear forms and falls, probably a fearful uncertainty about her future.

Rhyme: Well done*Exclaim*

Tone: Nicely done*Exclaim*

Spelling/Punctuation: No issues*Exclaim*

I especially like the following lines:
I watch it fall, this crystal tear,
shattering with my crystal fears.

Overall: Very nicely done! Very good work! Well penned and a much enjoyed read. Write on!
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
As one who has served, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. There is loneliness and separation anxiety that no one can possibly understand. I have sailed off many times watching my wife and children stand on the end of the pier as the ship sails away. There is sacrifice from both the men and the families.

I have been on the receiving end of letters similar to this and make no mistake, these are important! They do their job quite well! They are always well received.

I served on the historic Battleship Missouri in 1987 just prior to Desert Storm. We left Long Beach California in June and we were on station with no stops anywhere until we spent Christmas In Perth Australia. We received letters and care packages from complete strangers. Australian families opened their homes to us at Christmas.

God stands up and takes notice of these good deeds you do! Thank you for serving those who serve us!

Warmest regards,
David L. Lee
Signalman First Class, United States Navy-Retired.
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Review by tYpO/T.Boilerman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Harry . Here is my review on "Who Were the Savages?"  [ASR]. Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. *Laugh*

FIRST IMPRESSION: Interestingly told from a different point of view! Yes there are many chapters in history that when told from another point of view do not appear colorful or glamorous. *Gift1*

WHAT I LIKED MOST: The point of view of a Native American Chief watching the invaders on his land, the thoughts, and reflections. *Thumbsup*

PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: I am reviewing this more as a short story than poetry because there are so many story components to this. Either way, whether story or poem there is art here and it is done well.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: The chief is well characterized for the purpose of this work. You have captured his sadness and bitterness to a certain degree. The "white man" is also a character in this story and is well-developed enough for your purpose.

SHOW VERSUS TELL: You have shown us a chapter in our history from an aleternative point of view. This is a point of view that deserves not to be forgotten or tucked away.

SPELLING: No issues! *Check5*

GRAMMAR: No issues! *Check5*

SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: None; very nicely done! *Check5*

SUGGESTIONS: What can I say? This seems to be a complete work nicely done. You have clearly set us up to experience the tension, sadness, and frustration of the old Chief watching as his land is desacrated. *Check5*

CLOSING COMMENTS: Well done! *Star*

WRITE ON!

All of my above comments and suggestions are only offered as something you may want to consider. It's your story, vision and you know you know it best. If I'm able to provide something that you may find helpful within this review, that's great!

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