I LIKE THIS! This says so much about the process and how we can loose the enjoyment of the art in over analyzing the mechanics. I got a chuckle by the scratched out word near the end. This clearly communicates a process. It also communicates that even though we should take our work seriously we should also focus on the enjoyment of a job well done.
This is fine just like it is but one possible suggestion to consider is perhaps to take this and extend it to portray the author as a person and the thoughts and feelings they experience in the process. Just my two cents worth for what its worth!
I truly did enjoy this story. It is thougtfully written and comes from the heart. I have a heart for the homeless and down and out. I live near Phoenix and because the winters are mild here we have quite a large homeless community.
You have a good plot and good characters. Since this is an experiential story it moves and progresses nicely with the writer's recollection.
A couple of observations: in the first paragraph "7' o clock" should be "seven o'clock."
In the second paragraph there is a spacing gap that does not belong.
The characterization of the boy and the storyteller is really good. I believe the setting is well expressed also.
I've never been to Boston but it's streets comes through. Thanks for this nice story. Write on!
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I would like to begin with the things I liked. First I really enjoyed this beautiful little piece. It is written from the heart, at the point of emotion and I think that is important.
I am not well versed in the construction of poetry, but I do enjoy reading them. The only thing I find is that your rhythm is a little bumpy at the end, otherwise I find your choice of words and your sentence construction is both interesting and appealing and your emotion comes through loud and clear.
I was moved by this piece. I think that almost all people have lost a friend under these types of circumstances and can truly relate with your poem.
Nicely done!
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This is a very nice recollection on your part and very colorfully and eloquently expressed. You have set forth this scene explaining the surroundings and events of the time. I get the impression that this is probably sometime as early as the early 1950's at the latest. I don't think there are too many ice-men left and probably not with a horse-drawn cart. I enjoyed this little romp, although I would have liked to have known the exercise details to better give input on the result of your assignment.
Well the ending is a bit dark for my tastes, but nonetheless this is good work. It has a rhythm. It has good structure. It goes from the beginning and does tell a story of a sort. I also believe that it may give just a glimmer of the thought process of this person. Nicely done!
Now this is moving, and it reaches me. I love the portrait you have painted of the sunlight. I love "how it touches the skin" I love how it washes away sadness and enhances love in its light!
This is almost breath taking. I wish I could paint such scenes with words. Tremendous work here, thank you for sharing it!
This is a tough set of standards to live by. As is true with anyones' opinions I do not agree with all of them. Still to have sat down and put this list forth has taken some time and some introspective thought. You have carefully prepared this list and it is interestingly constructed and prioritized. You move from the beginning to the end in logical progression and I do respect your opinions as such.
I will begin by stating that I enjoyed this story. Ebon is well characterized. The situation set forth is dire. Mankind is all but gone and the aliens have taken the Earth.
You have a nice little plot here and propose a unique resolution to the situation. I found myself drawn into the story and didn't stop until I had finished it!
I enjoyed the twist of the Titans. It is really good. The only thing that doesn't really work well for me is the final paragraph. For me, this paragraph took away from what had been accomplished up to this point.
The eloquence of this is incredible. You have painted a lovely portrait with words. You must have a beautiful mind. I find that you are well rehearsed at setting as I was certain I could hear the pounding surf in the background. Your descriptions are also very good. The butterflies were a very nice touch. I truly enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing it.
Wow, did I enjoy reading this! This is very clever. I am trying to find the words, but even now they escape me also! Written in first person and a wonderfully humerous account of one person's writing experience. Truly enjoyable by writer and non-writer alike! Thanks so much for sharing it!
I am both moved and impressed by your Memorial page. This is a fantastic idea. I'm glad you have put this together for us to enjoy. Thank you very much. This is a major contribution to the community that is WDC. You have exemplified a spirit of community and made WDC a better place because of it. Nicely done!
The Major is very well characterized as is the moving crew as a whole. I sincerely hope that this is a true story as it is just too darn funny to be otherwise. This story is a kick!
I must admit that I did not see the ending coming. I was truly beginning to enjoy the story when WHAM! What a great twist! Is this true, or is it just inspired by true events?
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What a unique composition. What a challenge! To actually come up with something that was appealing and entertaining that provides a uniqe word picture. You have a unique perspective and obviously a love of life and the written word. Very, very WELL DONE!
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An interesting point of view. I to have suffered this malady but have come through it, with my life thankfully, my family and my wife all thankfully intact.
I am pleased that you are able to objectively view this malady that has had such an impact on most of your adult life.
I am impressed that you can use humor to communicate to others in such an entertaining way what depression is and how it affects people.
I am impressed with your writing and this piece, GREAT JOB! WRITE ON!
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This is very good! I truly enjoyed this glimpse. It would be interesting to see how the relationship with his brother would pan out over time.
Only one item of your plot raised a question for me. You mention early in the attack that he had natural sedatives in his bite, yet she shortly puts up a fairly good fight and then she seems to succomb again and he carries her off. Is the sedative that short-lived that she would be able to put up a fight at all?
I do not normally read vampire fare but I did enjoy this and it seems that you have a flair for it. Good work! Keep it up!
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This is an extraordinary account of the struggles a family faces during a time of tragedy and the triumphant way they pull through in the face of adversity.
I truly enjoyed reading this. It is well thought out and carefully constructed. You have chosen your words carefull for the best emotional impact and your thoughts and feelings are communicted clearly.
Thank you for sharing such a personal glimpse into your family. Nicely done! Great job!
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I perfectly support this and would like vvery much to become a member. The Angels here are just that. I've been helped by an anonymous angel right when I first registered on the site. I would love to help spread the good around!
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Whoa . . . this took some time to take in. You post some interesting hypotheses in a logical sequence to a conclusion. I must confess that I did have a difficult time following it. Still it was fascinating and entertaining at the same time, although I must confess you are either a MENSA candidate or have quite a bit of time on your hands and being very creative came up with this. Nicely done. Good job!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is an excellent account of family love and interaction! I believe that the innocence of early childhood comes with a built in wisdom that we somehow lose when we become adults. Kaleb and Nana are really ahead of us in som many ways. I think we learn to complicate our lives all on our own. Nicely done and I especially enjoyed the photographs. Thank you for sharing! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is an interesting glimpse at a woman's inner thoughts and feelings. I also found that your word choices and usage was both interesting and unique and it moved the piece along nicely.
There was a rhythm to the movement through it and it had beauty both in its content and the meatphors used.
I truly enjoyed your poem and was moved by it.
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The word images you use are beautiful. You work has rhythm and is presented in a logical order. This is very nicely done. Good Job!
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This is quite intriguing. It is nicely done. You set the story right off showing us a complete setting, giving us back story and characterization from begining to end with only the internal thoughts of the view point character. This is a nice tight little package that does so much. A one-word summary: AWESOME!
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Wow! Much of my living is made on tips. I can really see this happening. We had a run-in at a posh restaurant's Steak House over what we thought was a very generous tip of about 30%. Apparently at this restaurant if you don't tip 60% the server doesn't get much because they have to dividt the tips.
Okay, enough of my rambling. This is nicely done. I believe that your presentation and thinking are well organized and well presented.
The only improvement I would suggest is that you do a very minor edit and add spacing between the paragraphs. This would make a better cleaner look to your piece.
This is a beautiful life's journey in a very artful metaphor. This was carried out very nicely and was obviously written from the heart.
One observation that I would offer is that it would be nice to have this journey circle back around and find its faith restored thereby not ending on a hopeless note.
Still this is great work, nicely done!
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Ho, ho, ho! After I picked myself up from rolling on the floor, I managed to get this review typed. This is outrageously funny!