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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dnadream
Review Requests: ON
3,229 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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1
1
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Riley,

I just read your item called Debunking Christianity #1.

I get what you are saying, and respect your right to say it or believe it.

I see where you're coming from and that it's impossible for Christianity to be true since the world existed before it became known of.

Think of history books, there's a lot known in history books, which were written long after the events happened.

Now consider yourself a God, not just any god, but one that sees and knows all, and yes can create such a place as Earth,a Galaxy, a universe, a plain of existence.

Since God would have these powers which no mere human, prone to error and also greatness, can imagine fully how that can come about.


I admit I don't have all the answers but I'm pretty sure some have come close, yet still do not fully know all there is to know in order to give a fair and true analysis of it.

I'm not here to change your mind on this. I'm here to show
my perspective. I can't say that everyone else agrees on this. And that's okay. We all find our way on the path we choose and should we decide otherwise then that can be too.
I only have one suggestion yet it's up to you how you want it. I would add a line space between paragraphs. It makes it easier to read.

Thanks for sharing this.
Be Blessed.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of [ References ]  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Garathe,

I saw your response on the newsfeed on memes so I decided to take a look at your portfolio.


This poem does show how things are in the present time and so it's something that many can relate to. It's said is simple words that anyone can understand.

This part made me stop and read it again was the following one.

* The dangers of religion
Faith in institutes
Unchallenged and unscrutinized
Leaves minds of destitute
Zealous in belief
In an aimless, blind pursuit
Contemplation all abandoned
Afterthought, a residue

***

I see this alot. It seems that each group of people are zealous that they are certain that have the only true religion.

That in itself causes a division. Why cant people realise they are limited by their own chosen belief system? We are humans discovering what feels real, yet which part have we not considered into that idea of what is?

Then again, are they free to choose what they will without being ostracized?

Your item is thought provoking.
It is formatted well.

Thanks for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello SomaSilver,

I just read your item and here to review it.

The title seems appropriate to the content.

The thoughts shared in this piece can be clearly understood; and it's presented in a way that almost anyone can relate to considering these difficult times many are having.

I get that sometimes we need to be free of thinking about our struggles and just allow some sense of piece to surround us.

I especially liked this part(with added suggestions)

been through wars inside of my head(,)while all I was doing outside was smiling, trying, doing my best (to) never give up, and that's what exhausted me the most.

I get those moments or days. The anxiety is great. What I noticed is music tends to soothe me once I've settled down a bit. It may give the mind a temporary reprieve from the problems that seem to not go away. But eventually they will. Keep the faith.


Thanks for sharing.

Be blessed.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of The Breakdown  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Blimprider,


I just read your story and am here to review it.

First let me say that this is an exciting, interesting, realistic story. That being said I had a western movie going on in the background with sound effects which only added to my story reading. I could see the desolate and dusty place, as you described, and hear sounds that might be heard there. Maybe not the horses but still.

I didn't notice any problems except maybe what I've noted below. The imagery and the dialogue is working well.

This is truly unique and invigorating to find this piece of work.

The fight scene was just enough too.

*Pencil* I think either a word is missing it this was a typo.

and I encouraged him to keep it up until be passed

Until (he passed)?

Each character was unique. I liked these characters, and the bad guy was cruel and obnoxious.

You ended it yet I find myself wanting to see more of these people. Can you do some sequels?
Maybe that Greyhound stopping point in the desert can bring new adventures and people with interesting dilemmas and such.

I'm totally wowed by this, and glad you posted a link. Thanks


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Dragon Blue,

I was just looking at your assorted c-notes and they really are quite beautiful. Each one is unique.

Every now and then I like to help celebrate someone's birthday or anniversary, or use one if someone needs a little cheering up.

I may have to drop by again when I need a special one for somebody.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi D.b.

This was a very nice thank you to the anonymous gifter. No telling who that night be. We have a lot of generous people on here.

I liked all the things you said here. You're right to focus on the positive.

I totally understand about special needs children. I have one who is grown but still needs my help.
It's a gift we willingly give.


Thanks so much ch for sharing this.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Ruwth,.

Here I am again looking around in your portfolio. And now there is this, which is another thought provoking premise.

It's something some people have to deal with and so can understand and sympathize.


I'm curious about Janie and her new parents, who were able to give her a good life. Yet, you have to wonder just how good a life she had. So many things could happen, therefore there's so many possibilities for this story. Plus not knowing about your background can be difficult. It could be it's better to not know, yet other people say you have a right to know.

You have me hooked as I'm interested in the complexities of people. We all seen to have our own personal heaven or hell at times, and things can seem almost fairytale perfect, yet not be.

Thanks for sharing this. I hope to read more. If so, maybe a connecting link at the bottom could lead to the next chapter.



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8
8
for entry "The Counselor
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Ruwth, I just read this. Wow. I like it.

You did pretty good, but a few places I thought might need some revision.

* You wrote:
BLANCHE, I am THE COUNSELOR assigned to talk with you today.
I am glad you came to talk with me.

(Talk was mentioned twice.

BLANCHE, I am the counselor assigned to you. I am glad you came to talk with me.

I wasn't sure about the capitalization because it is a script.

Also wouldn't we keep each characters actions and dialogue together?

*Idea* in the fact she sees couples together she knows there's something she wants. For me seeing couples walking hand in hand is so touching and sad too as I don't have that with someone I love now.

Again, I realise this is a script so maybe some things aren't the same in them. What do I know?

Still, I'd love to read more of this story, script or not.

I know you're quite busy but this is a great start and I could see how it could be expanded quite a bit.

Thanks for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Revelry,

I read your edited story. This does look better, but still a few areas might need a little editing.

Interesting story about conjuring up a dead person's soul who. Is missed alot.
Title is appropriate to story content and format looks good. Sentences were fragmented, and I made suggestions below.
*Pencil*
* 2nd instead of second

* November Second 2nd. El Dia de los Muertos, the day of the dead. Tonight is my only chance(,)Amelia thinks, walking down the path to the Somme River.

* She had all the things needed for her summoning attempt. The Red Baron(,) aka Manfred Von Richthoen(,) the only thing that's been pulling and pushing at her, (was)an obsessive compulsive thought for the past year now. She('d) been fascinated with his life as a world war one legend since she was a little girl, and tonight, (was her) the chance to meet him and connect past and present, the living and the dead

* Finally coming into the field on the hill near Bray-Corbie road, just north of the village of Vaux-sur-Somme(, was) the place where he made his final landing ninety-two years ago.

Really neat item considering it's almost Halloween

Thanks for sharing.


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10
10
Review of Sound Like You  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Amy,

I just read your item about dialogue and it's use.

This item is well written.ut looks good on the page.

What I find in reviews us that early on each of us are unique in our speech pattern.

Also there are many people who are not from the USA and use what is considered "proper English". It might not have contractions as it's their style and within the confines of their country's proper English, or at least how they learned or experienced.



Thanks for sharing this.


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11
11
Review of The Beginning  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Ben Garrick,

I saw this item in your portfolio and decided to have a closer look and review it too.

Title seems appropriate to the story content

Premise opens to the first meeting up, after he has had previous several dates with other girls.
Yet this blonde is intriguing. She is different.

Mental and sexual tension is apparent as he interacts with this new girl. He's cautious as he doesn't want to mess things up.

It's endearing that he's extra careful with her.

I liked the phrase "Built like a brick pizzeria." Guys normally love pizza and pizza could be baked in brick ovens.

Okay so I got that wrong but still it works, right?

I liked both of these people's honesty with each other.

I am curious why he (you) and Blondie didn't stay together later on.

You said that's another story. Where is it? I wanted to know more.


There was a lot of blank space on the pages. That didn't effect the main story but it could be better arranged.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Rookie Tea,

I found this item in your portfolio. And thought I might read an review it.

The beginning brought up a story question as to what the secret was. I figured that would be answered later.

I found it curious that her male cousin was helping her during her dressing. They certainly are close and caring, but I wasn't sure what that meant. The corporation sounds dishonest yet I could be wrong. Keeping a secret doesn't always have to be wrong. Sometimes it's in a need to know basis and not the general public.

Even so, I, at first, thought it was something of a nefarious nature.

The story question wasn't quite answered it I missed it.

Still the imagery in this item and the dialogue seem spot on.

One thing to keep in mind is keeping each. Characters actions and dialogue together.

Then when another character is doing or saying something you give it it's own place separate from the previous characters dialogue and action.

*Pencil*

โ€No(,) youโ€™re messing it up.

Paragraphs need a line space between them.

Also you wrote:

โ€A pleaser miss Iddell. My name is Arthur.โ€
Needs capitalized and spelling error fixed.

A pleasure Miss Iddell

I hope these suggestions are helpful.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
for entry "What's in a name?
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Blimprider,

I noticed this linked item on the newsfeed.

I know that feeling of waking up or still being awake at the wee hours of the morning. I have also had some thoughts nagging at me causing me not to be able to go to sleep.

It's then that realise I can't possibly sleep til I write it down, or text rather, that then, and only then, can I possibly sleep.

There I am writing, editing, perfecting, reoperfecting for several hours. Pretty soon I realise it's daylight. I'm done! Whew.

I turn off my device, put my head on the pillow and with nanoseconds I'm dead to the world. Haha

But hey, I wrote some really cool stuff.

As for this item, everything looks good to me. Nothing misspelled or needing editing. Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Bubblegum,

I just read this item. "Halloween's Ghoulish Goodness.

First let me say that I saw no errors in this item.

Yes that's exactly what happens each Halloween, although last year I'm not sure we had any trick or treaters because of the covid.

I have noticed there's a definite chill in the air lately during Halloween. I kind of miss the warm apple cider we use to get along the way but understand the fear is great. Nobody enjoys being poisoned.

I had gotten to the point that we had so much candy I thought my son might get sugar diabetes so while he went out with his friends I sifted through a lot if it , saving the best, and removing the excess. I saved it then shared it with a place that serves meals to the homeless.

It might not be the most nutritious food item, but it does have built in stuff providing energy in case of times if starvation. That also has its downfalls as it may produce cavities.

Ah, what to do. I agree that there's all those other holidays too that allow us to overindulge in things that might not be healthy for us. It is that chance to overindulge also.

Thanks for sharing.




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15
15
Review of There Is No God  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Hello Grum of Grums,

I found this item as I continue to look in your portfolio and am here to give my thoughts on it.

I like how well you explain your thoughts. This is a well-written piece whether or not I agree on it, doesn't matter. I can understand it.

I liked that you gave examples explaining why you believe as you do.

Good point:
โ€œIf I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.โ€


I did see places that needed a comma but didn't notice any other areas that needed editing. It's possible that I missed some because I was caught up in the perspective.


Thanks for sharing.


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16
16
Review of Minor Key  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Grum of Grums,


I came across this item in your port by way of a link somehow. This is so well written. We see a young boy enjoying his special spot and then as he becomes a teen, eventually as a man. He is entranced by the mermaid And bring the man he is, knows he must turn away. Mainly because he is wedded to another.

Yet time and circumstance and choices don't seem to be set imhbjim well.

This story resonated with other people and so they may empathize and understand their own choices in life, yet say why me? What did I do to deserve this?


It's oddly interesting that upon waking this early morning, this was the first story I read and so appropriate.

I had woken up talking, whispering rather, heartbroken for the love of my past, love of and saying those deepest feelings within my heart, words to him that he need to hear. He stayed there in my mind's existence listening without reaction.

I see an outpouring of deep emotion in your item. Painful as the events are, it's still rooted in such devotion and beauty.


When I read the final paragraph at first I thought he was going to drive off the cliff but he didn't. Such sadness he had.

The story descriptions were rich with imagery.


* Long sentence here yet it's easy to understand it.

He found it difficult to understand how he had become exposed to all the negative consequences of his actions, and sometimes, inactions, asking, as he was not a bad person, why did bad things have to happen to him? Had he explored this in any depth, it is possible he may have recognised how his choices led to his consequences, and thus he was responsible for his own behaviour

The only other thing I noticed which might need editing, is the numbers.
Such as:
Forty three. I think it needs a hyphen forty-three.

There was one other number words that also needed a hyphen.

Regardless of that,I can't help but give this five stars mainly because of the expressive content.

Thank you so much for sharing.


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17
17
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lobelia,

I hope you don't mind if I shorten your name. I noticed this on one of the WDC pages I had to read and review it.

Not sorry I did. This was fun to read about the "flasher overcoat". Those two incidents really made hubs change his mind but both were hilarious.

I liked that you first told us what was going on then we actually get to see those people commenting. This really got me to laugh.

I saw an error. Oops.
*Pencil*

* ey(e)ing my (forty-five year old husband) frumpy husband

This is easily fixed. Good job on this short story.



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18
18
Review of A Truth  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Thomas Seeker,


I'm here to review this newest item in your port.

You explain this idea well or at least better than I could have. I agree on most though. Nobody on this earth really understands fully what all if this means but can visualize it if they want to.

I especially liked this part:
Not by your works but by the grace of God.

I also to others to believe in themselves. People may say or do things intentionally or unintentional that feel hurtful and are in fact hurtful, but don't let that drag you down. Remember that it's not always about something you did wrong, but can be something inside them which they have a need to express. It doesn't mean that it is okay. It may be a blockage that needs expressing in order to see the results of those ideas and actions. I hope this is making sense to someone other than just me. If not, then with time and experience each person can recognize it,if they allow it.

*Pencil*
* Not a monument, like we have now a days (nowadays). L(i)ke the kings of Egypt

* This shows how it got change(d), so much in the past that it required a savior

* Once they made you believe in their way, it be came (became) truth.

There's a word for this kind of thinking..maybe it's abstract. Apparently not everyone can grasp it. At least not until they the time comes that they can.

* This next excerpt brings a question.
You are your brothers keeper because a piece of what you have is in them too!

Yes and no. Is our body not our temple? If so, we each would do well to take care of ourselves and
Respect other people to also choose what they wish. You can't force someone to do what they don't believe in. If you do, them it brings negative results.

If we dont take care of ourselves how will we take care of others? Right?

I do want to say that I think words and thoughts are powerful so think good thoughts.

Good read. Deep thinking. Expressed well.

Thanks for sharing.




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19
19
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Bubblegum Jones.

Thanks for including me in your item. Congrats too.

Are you sure I have that many? I cant tell. I only started collecting them a few weeks ago. I've only made two. One is collectable by tapping on it. The other is limited and only available through me. I use it as a thank you for reviews I've been given or some other nice thing someone has done. I might even use it in an event package.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Paws 2 Love  
for entry "Israel's Story
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Tina,

Aww this one was really interesting .little Israel got you attention. Poor baby crawled to you then that cousin kicked it away. It sure did bring up bad feelings about the cousin. I don't like anyone hurting animals. And certainly not babies of any kind. It's pretty sad what some animals have to put up with. Thank God you saw it and took this poor baby in.

I saw two kids at the grocery store. The boy was standing waiting for someone in the ladies room. I thought it was his mother but it was his sister-in-law a little girl. He finally went in there to get her to come out. I wasn't comfortable with that. But soon she came out.

So much for that. Until I got to the self serving register band saw them across the aisle. They seemed to be disagreeing about what candy she could get. Soon he gave her a seat on her head. He had words with her. Then he swatted her again. I finally had to say something. And told him not to hit her.

More than likely he does this often. Nobody noticed. And I hate to think she deals with this often.

Anyway, good short story you wrote. Thanks for sharing and for being a good fur mommy.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Paws 2 Love  
for entry "Dakota's Story
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tina,.

Here's another lovely story about a rescue. I can just see that little furball scared and hurting, yet allowing you to help him. That's the good part. Sometimes they are too terrified to allow it.

I did find an error in this item. It was either a typo or misspelled word. Try the spell checker in your editing area.

Regardless it's heartwarming to see someone pays attention a does something for these previous babies.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of A Kitten Calls  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Tina,

This was a nice little story you shared. Those boys have good hearts to pay attention to the cr for help.

I liked how you described thier quest and how they arrived to rescue the poor little thing.

I kept thinking they might get in trouble not ditching school. Maybe they'd find out that class was dismissed. There could be a good reason that might happen.

Good job on this. We saw a happy ending. I wonder if they will keep the kitten and where the kitten might end up allowing them another experience leading to adventure.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Light  
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Mark Diaz,

I saw your item listed on WDC and I'm here to read and review it.

The title works for this short version of your story.

The format could use a little help. I would break this up some and put a linespace between paragraphs.

As we read along we see there has been something that happened and someone has died. This raises a story question and that's a good thing. You want story questions that aren't always answered right away. It keeps the readers interested and they must find out more.

You do have some strong imagery already with the bright light which might be blinding you (character). Show the characters reaction to things like sound, sight, smell, touch (blood on his hands). Maybe not all at once though.

Those words though. "Don't worry about it."
Meaningfully tragic.
Nice start to this story.

Continue on. You have the basics and a start. Maybe have chapter headings. And numbers.

Thanks for the read.







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24
24
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Rich,

Wow all those things happening at once had to be a nightmare. I can only imagine what that was like. I know if the electricity shuts off we suddenly find outlesekves looking for candles and flashlights but then what? It's dark and possibly cold and there's not much you can do just yet anyway.

You did a good job portraying this scenario. I didn't notice any misspelled words or errors.

Thanks for sharing. Here's a little gift. Just tap in it to collect it.



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25
25
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Wake up and live,

I found this one. You did a good job of showing us what's going on here. It's clear that this person is bowled over by how attractive the person being watched is.
Looks like he's not as attached as the watcher is though.

Unfortunately, this would be detrimental to his own well being.

I saw no errors in this item.



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