~SilverMoon~'s (dnadream) Reviews

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Thu, Feb 26, 2026

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Heartache that dementia brings

Daily Flash Fiction Challenge

Enter your story of 300 words or less.

Central International Airport

An airport with destinations and new beginnings. Take a trip.

The Power Reviewers Group

The Power Crew inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Coal Patrol

Commissioned merit badge design

The Cost of Being There

When illness, loss, and friendship collide, I learn the true cost of showing up.

NanoCorps: Characters' Information

The list of characters from the interactive story about the guild, NanoCorps.

Changing the World, But Not Himself

A lot of individuals have tried to change their world. Not like Kevom, they haven’t.

READ A NEWBIE

The Midnight Book Club

Thoughts form a secret midnight book club.

The Twelve Seconds Between Stars

The first man flight into the unknown. (Earth year: 2131)

Swallows in Opposite Skies

A love that exists only when eyes are closed.

Love At An Impasse

2 people, love each other deeply, will never be together, sit down for a hard talk.

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Coal Patrol

Commissioned merit badge design

Man Steps On Crock; Breaks Mother's Bach

from The Local Gnus - 2020 / July 13

The Cost of Being There

When illness, loss, and friendship collide, I learn the true cost of showing up.

NanoCorps: Characters' Information

The list of characters from the interactive story about the guild, NanoCorps.

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dnadream

~SilverMoon~

Review Requests: ON

3,602 Public Reviews Given

4,179 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.

I'm good at...

Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.

Favorite Genres

Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.

Least Favorite Genres

Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.

Favorite Item Types

First tell me what an item type is. haha

Least Favorite Item Types

An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.

I will not review...

I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.

Public Reviews

< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... >

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4826615

Review of Deconstructed

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hello Malena,

I noticed your item and decided to reading review it.

Please consider my suggestions, yet know it's up to you how you wish it to read.

Below I found a few places that might need editing.

* with my hands * stretched out infront in front of me, careful not to fall, scared to break something.

The feelings in this story is intense. It's the inner turmoil as the person wishes things would change fir the better, instead of getting worse, no matter what she does.

Despite her inner pain, she goes about life, appreciating even if it's the slightest sign of recognition.

Still, she hopes that at some point it will change. I love that she keeps trying. Although, it feels as if it's not working.

The issue is that she blames herself, and has self- inflicted harm to release those feelings.

It's not her fault, but really it's these other people who have issues. Her self-esteem has taken blow after blow, until things feel futile.

Hopefully, in the future, she will discover that although nobody's perfect, her own feelings are legit, she deserves respect and love and her life is precious.

I would say for the sake of her own sanity, and self-esteem to not own other people's problems.

Thanks for sharing this story.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4767109

Review of Infidelity

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Sleepy,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: The one word title works for this piece.

* PREMISE: A married man treats his wife badly, while she's the one doing what needs to be done, as far as children and tryi g to have a living family, and he's out rinking, and being with his mistress.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:
Here I think you meant furrowed her brow. I added a comma after God.

* furred her brows, pushing off the frame. “He’s 6! God, Alejandro, are you still drunk?”

* What I LIKED MOST: I liked that there was a build up of tension. It was necessary to lead to the blow up.

I also liked that the wife found out and decided it was the end for him. Hecdidnt deserve her. And she deserved better. But hitting the child was worse. Yet, it also shows how bad things got to be.

When the door slammed behind him I thought the police might have shown up.

Later I realised it slammed behind him because he left. You might want to indicate that maybe showing him crossing the front lawn. Or maybe the wife sees him stomp his way out there.

* OTHER COMMENTS: You're dialogue is enough but you really t need to separate each characters dialogue and actions. Use line spacing. Read some stories and pay attention to how that writer did it. This can be so much better, and it's worth it if you edit it. It will read so much better. You already have the parts you just need to arrange it. It happens to every writer. I probably edit mine at least ten times before I'm okay with it.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4767099

Review of Window to the Soul

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello D.K.D.,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE:I liked the title as it made me curious and I just had to read more.

* PREMISE: A beautiful, yet unusual cat is seen and the human wonders what the cat might be seeing.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC: I saw no errors here.

* What I LIKED MOST:

Your description of her eyes were excellent.

I was curious too. I kind of wondered if the cat was leading you somewhere. I almost thought she might have had some kittens.

* OTHER COMMENTS:good little story. Cats can be interesting creatures. Sleek, calculating, and curious.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4767092

Review of The Caring Soul

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Naomi,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: It's a very fitting title, which fits the content of this story.

* PREMISE: Corinna Virus hits this country, and panic ensues. How does the people cope with the issues?

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

It can be read easily, and is fairly easy to unerstand. Things occur in a natural order.

There were some areas that needed either an extra word or a comma.

Example. You wrote:
People went panic buying of oxygen. Truly a horrible and a terrible sight. Extremely frustrating.

People panicked and rushed to buy oxygen. It was truly a horrible sight. Extremely frustrating.

* What I LIKED MOST: I liked the part where the widow in the hospital decided she wanted to go home and heal herself. Afterall she succeeded to heal herself before. She isolated herself for the time she needed to and cared for herself.

And mostly she wanted the man to take her place in the hospital to ensure he got proper care. This is true empathy and good person. My kind of people.

* OTHER COMMENTS: There wee some places where there was huge spaces on the page.

Please read your story aloud and you'll see the errors.

I enjoyed reading this story about true events. I may be wrong but I'm assuming hat English is your second language. and so the errors are understandable, yet can be easily fixed.

Thanks for sharing this.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4767077

Review of What Evil Lurks

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello T4Tunes,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE:

* PREMISE: Shadow talking to the Sun.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

Most of this looks good. But there's errors as far as commas. I'd remove the after but.

"It is, but, well, we've been

There's another place with a comma problem. Wherever you pause is where a comma needs to be.

* What I LIKED MOST: I liked the vibe between them. I liked the interesting comebacks using meaningful words.

* OTHER COMMENTS: The piece is written well using dialogue. There's a nice rhythm going on between the two.

Thanks for sharing. It was fun to read.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4767075

Review of Grow On, America

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Kenzie,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: The title is appripriate and eue catching.

* PREMISE: A very bad day in America.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:
I saw one place that might need editing. I added the comma before yet.

* our TV’s, yet disgusted at the media for showing people falling from the sky

* What I LIKED MOST: I like the way it was arranged on the page, with line spacing and text in other colors.

* OTHER COMMENTS: it's old news, but we will never forget and so it's a tribute to the fallen ones too.

Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4766765

Review of Through the Eyes of a Cat

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello D.K.D.,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: It works for me.

* PREMISE: A cat watches her master. Or is it A master watches her puppet? We have to read more to find out.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

No problens with any of this, plus it's arranged nicely on the page with just the right amou t of spacing and varying thecl words used.

* What I LIKED MOST: the piece is thought provoking, especially when we realise who's perspective it is, and how cool and calculating, much like a cat. I as lmost sense a silent graceful movement, as the cat regards this human.

* OTHER COMMENTS: I love t. It's relaxing snd makes me...oh what's the word I want? Oh yes. Intrigued at the same time.

Good job on this. Fantastic!I plan on seeing what else you might have written.

Thank you for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4761254

Review of The nectar

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Pinkpaws,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: I would capitalise the words in the title. The Nectar

* PREMISE: This item us about waking up and what it's like while getting ready to go to work.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION,

SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:
I didn't notice a problem.

What I would suggest is add some more imagery. Maybe, at the least minute, the effort of dressing, or rushing around to find your keys or shoes. It creates a bit if tension.

I do like the reference to standing in line, hearing the tick tock of the clock, drip, drip of the machine work, and blurry eyed.

* What I LIKED MOST: This described accurately the the process we go through after a night's rest and once we get to our work place. I like that the word nectar was used. It hints at what the nectar is.

* OTHER COMMENTS: I would list this as experience.

Thanks for sharing this short story. If you wanted to, you could add to this and make it even a bigger one.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4761246

Review of An unexpected setback

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Two days later, while under self- quarantine, I got the results. "Your test turned out positive. You have Covid," Doctor Parker said.

* Here you needed a comma for the introductory clause. If you read this out loud, you can tell where the comma goes. It's when you temporarily pause.
Also, write out 2 weeks.

THOUGHTS: From what I understand, food is tasteless, while experiencing Covid, and so you lose your appetite.

Often,the effects lasts longer than the Covid, and sometimes for months. We know that if we don't eat, we lose our strength. Some people sipped clear soups to survive.

For almost two weeks, I developed a food fear/aversion. I mean, food was poison in my mind!

* What I LIKED MOST: Your story idea is working, but it just needs a little bit of editing. A little imagery will make this feel even more real.

Like the way it feels in a doctor's office, or the chill that's ever present, that dragged out feeling when it takes a lot of effort to stand up after sitting.

* OTHER COMMENTS: This story was easy to read and understand. It's also something that most people can relate to.

Keep writing. Thanks for sharing. I hope this review was helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4760257

Review of The Letter M

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello kevster,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

The title fits but I'd imagine this lovely piece deserves something equally alluring. Maybe a line in it?

Maybe using M words like
Mystical, magic, mist

* CONTENT: It has nice flow and feels like something comforting wrapped around me as I read it.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

No problems in this area.
The rhyming was good and the words used creates a feeling.

* What I LIKED MOST: It has words that cause soothing feelings to come up.

* OTHER COMMENTS: Good job on this. Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759830

Review of Escape Plan

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Norma Jean,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: The title works for the content.

* PREMISE: The frogs h a be a meeting to address needed maintenance and such.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

Everything looked good. Dialogue, sentence rhythm, and humor.

* What I LIKED MOST: That last line said ot all

* OTHER COMMENTS:Good job on this. It was fun to read.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759827

Review of Silly Dreams

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Winchester,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* CONTENT: A wife has a dream and wants her hubby to hear it. Of course, it happens that he has the urge to use the toilet.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

No errors in this Dialogue looks good.

Sentence rhythm done well.

* What I LIKED MOST: I found it amusing when he stood up, sat down stood up again and again.
The man has patience.

Poor guy waited almost forever to let nature take its course.

I know that feeling like when the phone rings, there's a knock at the door, and the dog is barking, waiting to be let in, so that she can inspect the visitor.

But I just sat down on the pot. There's just some things you can't postpone.

* OTHER COMMENTS: Good job on this.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759750

Review of Blacky

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Have a shiny day,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: The title is fitting, but another one could be better.

* PREMISE: Two cats are in a place where they might be adopted. Will it be the white cat or the black one?

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

This item was easy to read by using simple words. The dialogue was done well.

Here you need to indicate it's a thought.

(I)I can’t believe it. They’re putting me in the carrier. I’m being adopted. but instead of () use {}

* What I LIKED MOST: I liked the competition between the cats. They acted like people do.

* OTHER COMMENTS: This story was fun to read.

Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759739

Review of Hidden Bruises

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Sumojo,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* The title fits the items content.

* CONTENT: This item shows how people can see to be kind, considerate, and generous, yet in reality they have a dark side, and use that to control other people especially the ones closest to them.

It's a shame. But it happens more often than we see.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

I saw no issues with any of the above, except I stumbled a bit in the first stanza. Maybe the rythm and rhyme is off. Most of this was rhyming.

* What I LIKED MOST: It expresses what often happens so many people can relate to it.

* OTHER COMMENTS: I might have liked to see something indicating this was for a contest and the requirements, as I noticed some words on bold.

Thank you for sharing and giving me something new to review.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759717

Review of Sympathy

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello SamiJoe,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: The title is fitting

* CONTENT: Mom and daughter does not seem to get along.

Unfortunately, its a plausible experience that many family's have. Why it happens, we often can't tell. An ingrained behavior caused by previous trauma? Drugs? Side effects or pharmaceuticals? The causes might be anything. Still, it's not acceptable.

I know someone having this issue too. I don't know about you, but for sone it feels like the less you see of them, the better off you are.

You do have a right to fulfill your dreams. Your time and life has value too. yet can take the time to help if you can or want to.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

I didn't see any spelling errors. The first was different, but the cobtent was clear and readable.

* What I LIKED MOST: I liked that the message was clear. Theres a long term problem between the mother and daughter.

* OTHER COMMENTS: My advice, for what's it worth, do what you feel is right. On time,maybe things will work out one way or another.

Remember that in order for you to take care of someone else, you still need to take care of you and your needs. Do things that brings you joy too.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759215

Review of Duck Feet

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello again Winchester,
You know the spiel. There's no sense in leaving you what you already know. Right?

* The title fits the content of the story.

* PREMISE: Disney characters at Disneyland have a dispute.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

I saw no problems here.

* What I LIKED MOST: I found the visual of these two (Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse) at each other's throat, while in costume hilarious.

I would have videotaped it, especially if they had also got clumsy. Imagine the orange feet waving in the air, or trying to get up after a tumble. Minnie Mouse checking out his tail feathers too.

* OTHER COMMENTS: Yeah, that's a big nono to curse in front of children or any visitor at Disneyland.

You were able to turn it into a happy e fing, but still I wonder if those kids would tell thier parents.

"What's the matter, honey? Why are you sad and crying?"

"Remember that time we went to Disneyland?"

"Donald Duck yelled at me."

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759199

Review of Love in a Burning Cabin

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Winchester,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE:

* PREMISE:

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

You wrote:
We could hear the town cops murmuring as they smoked cigarettes and drank coffee. We could hear their dog's yelping from the back of pickup trucks.

We could hear heard the town cops murmuring, as they smoked cigarettes and drank coffee. We also heard their dog's yelping from the back of pickup trucks.

You wrote:

Hope is never something to hang your hat on,” I said, and she laughed, “What’s that supposed to mean?” She was looking right at me now, the laughter gone, but the smile still in her eyes. “I wonder where they got that from?” she asked into my silence. “Something to hang your hat on.”

separate his fisligue from hers by use of a linespsce:

"Hope is never something to hang your hat on,” I said.

She laughed, “What’s that supposed to mean?” She lopked right at me now, the laughter gone, but the smile still in her eyes. “I wonder where they got that from?” she asked into my silence. “Something to hang your hat on.”

* lose the dialogue tag here:

So, what do we do now, Butch?” she asked.

* What I LIKED MOST: Nicely done dialogue in this. I like how they interact.

I also like how we are shown rather than told. You use this in much of your writing, do the reader figures out on thier own.

* OTHER COMMENTS: not much more to say, except thanks for giving me something to review.
:*)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758536

Review of The Riders - The Newhome Saga

for entry "Chapter Three - Lansby"

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Elkor,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* PREMISE: The Riders are on their journey now, but the mood has changed.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

I found

More immediate.

“Crevecour!!” she shouted, “Get over here!!”

Crevecour had just completed attaching his
own mount to a side hitch. On hearing Morgan’s shout, he began to run ran to her, freeing freed up his warhammer and holding held it ready as he moved.

"Get ready for trouble my friend,” Farim said to Josephine, loosening his own weapon. starting to move He (edged?) his way off the wagon.

(Not sure of the proper wording here, but use of 'started to' might not be the right choice.)

* I noticed the use of 'as he or as she'. Also, 'started to' and ' began'.

I would edit those sentences to make it more concise and immediate, if need be. I have the same issues, but with editing it makes it easier to read. Often writers have the same kinds of things throughout thier work.

began to gallop away

darted away

* What I LIKED MOST: I liked the use of magic. I might have liked to seen a few of those words when Josephine was bringing the power up in order to blast through the skeletons. Since is in tongues it can seem like jibberish. The sounds of certain letters and word combinations can indicate what might become apparent during a battle.

* OTHER COMMENTS: continue on. These suggested edits can be noted and applied when you're ready to.

I wonder if after using the magical powers it might temporarily drain the person who performed the ritual/ incantation. Then she or someone might do certain things to bring her own health and strength back in some way. Just a thought.

Keep going on this.

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#4756703

Review of Walking The Tightrope Blindfolded

for entry "Do We Leave Our Body?"

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Dear Intuey,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: interesting title.

* PREMISE: Does our soul leave our body before we die? It's an interesting question, and one we can't answer easily.

* Formatting looks good.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC: If there was any I didn't notice them. I felt you expressed these ideas effectively.

* What I LIKED MOST:

This right here stood out for me.

"for the human psyche to understand or comprehend"

I think that's a big part of it. We think we know all there is to know, but what if we're only 25, 50, or even 75 percent right?

In the end, it will be whatever it is regardless of what we think. The concerns we have as humans will cease, and in my most humble opinion, we will have incredible insight which can explain why things happened the way they did. But hey, what do I know? I figure a true God is a loving one, so I'm not overly worried. I was raised a Christian and so I tend to go with that, yet I accept that possibly it's the collective consciousness idea. With all the different belief systems there has to be one source ultimately. Depending on where we are, and what belief systems we grew up in, we may have quite different perspectives about it.

Again, what do I know?
I have faith that I'll find out at the right time. I love that you asked this question.

Bless.
Namaste
In God's love.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4756631

Review of The Riders - The Newhome Saga

for entry "Chapter Two - Dilemmas and Departures"

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Elkor,

I just read your item and am about to review and rate it. If I make any suggestions, feel free to use any or all of them. If you decide it doesn't apply to this item, please ignore my suggestions. I'm merely here to help.

* TITLE: The Riders. Dilemnas AND Departures. Book One PART 2

* PREMISE: Here we see the group celebrating their training and apprenticeship. A person outside this group creates problem.

This part brings in some tension, which we see a result of that.

IMAGERY: In the beginning I like how you made use imagery of the senses: the smell scent/aroma of roasting meat on a spit, the flow of drinks, conversation and song permeated

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

I did notice some areas needing commas. It is easily fixed.
* I will note them below with suggestions.

There was dialogue tags which weren't needed, because we had already established who was talking to who. You only need to use it the first time, unless someone later enters the conversation. I would delete most of anywhere that says he said she said. Below see commas needed.
Example:

You should(,)” Morgan coldly responded, “(b)ecause the next time you touch me, (it) may be your last.”

* There's a need to uncap the following word after the last quotation mark unless it's a name.

-“You fancy yourself useful with that?” (h)e replied,

* Here I was conncerned about not using the same tense within the sentence like say -was seated, then refilling.
Usually you need to stay in the same tense within a sentence. 'Was seated' is past tense, where 'sat' is more immediate, present tense. I also think it makes it more concise. Choose one or the other.

Farim was seated at sat at large round table in the center, refilled ing his mug(,) and enjoyeding a good laugh as Ian was sharing one of his many stories of his scouting days with the militia.

maybe we could see in dialogue about his scouting days. It doesn't have to be a full description. Maybe the dialogue ends up lost because of the noise with everyone's merrymaking.

If so, I'd use ...to show how it dissipates.

* What I LIKED MOST: I like the ambiaence/ atmosphere of the gathering, yet how a dispute arises.

* OTHER COMMENTS: The fight scene looks good. I might suggest that you make some sentences shorter, as that indicates action. The reader feels that tension because of short quick movements. You can still use the rest of the sentence in the next. Try it. See if it reads better or not.

This is really turning out good overall.

No. That word doesn't give justice. Make that exciting abd intriguing.
This right here I'd want to read more of.

Thank you for giving me something interesting to read and review.

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Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4756527

Review of The Riders - The Newhome Saga

for entry "Chapter One - An Appointment In Windport"

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Ellkor,

I'm here to read and review your item. If I make any suggestions, you are free to use any or all. If it's not for you, that's fine also. I'm only trying to help.

* TITLE: I like that you used the title, but also added which chapter it is. That makes it easier to find where the reader left off and can return more easily.

* PREMISE: A team of people are requested to go on a journey and will be well compensated each time.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

?: why is human capitalised?

* I saw no glaring problem within this piece as far as grammar and punctuation.

Since he is musing, I take it he didn't say it out loud.
It would be his thoughts, in which case it wouldn't it be like my suggestion below yours?

You wrote:
“Well, my superiors always said I should get out and see the world.” He mused to himself

Well, my superiors always said that I should get out and see the world, he mused to himself

I like this character already. He can laugh at simple things.

* Sentence rhythm is varied, making it easy to read.

*This story beginning has a way of making the reader feel like they're there, hearing, seeing, sensing the different people gathered together and any tension.

* WHAT I LIKED MOST: As we are led into this first chapter, we get an idea of what it's all about. Each person has to decide if it's what they consider a decent quest and worthwhile.

* I noticed you have several genres listed. That's good. I usually can't decide what to choose.

* OTHER COMMENTS: Since none of these people know each other it will be interesting to see how they interact and what kind of person each is. I wonder what conflicts might arise. And what strengths and/or weaknesses will be revealed.

This is truly a fascinating start to this story. I'm hooked. I look forward to reading what more follows this chapter as they go on their adventure.

Thanks for sharing.

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Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4754599

Review of The others

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Ayla,

I'm here to read and review your item. If I make any suggestions, you are free to use any or all. If you decided not to, that's up to you. I'm only trying to help.

* TITLE: The title expresses what this item will be about.

* PREMISE: People are different from each other, from where we come from, what we believe, how we think etc.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC: I saw no issue with any of these things. It was easy to understand.

* What I LIKED MOST: I liked that it brought up the topic of why people don't think alike.

* OTHER COMMENTS: Personally, I believe we think differently because of upbringing, but also our own style and level of living, and how other people influence us, yet we might decide that we don't like that way of doing things, because it might have consequences that aren't positive.

Also, sometimes there's other things influencing someone. It's not always about addictions but may also in some cases be about personal trauma or inborn mental difficulties.

People tend to judge without considering other issues which effect judgment.

Thanks for sharing this.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4754596

Review of Wanderer: a haiku

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello John Q,

I'm here to read and review your item. If I make any suggestions, you are free to use any or all. If you decided not to, that's up to you. I'm only trying to help.

* TITLE: It is appropriate to the content.

* PREMISE: someone is on an adventure.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

This poem is expressed in Haiku and is done with correct requirements and formatting.

* What I LIKED MOST: liked that this person was on to an adventure.
He or she doesn't care where it leads as the wandering continues.

* OTHER COMMENTS: This used simple words and just the right amount to get the point across.

Thank you for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4754582

Review of Chicken riding a dog

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello Joseph,

I'm here to read and review your item. If I make any suggestions, you are free to use any or all of them. If you decide not to, that's up to you. I'm only trying to help.

* TITLE: The title works, yet I might have chosen something else.

* PREMISE: In this poem, a chicken and a dog help each other out.

* GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, SENTENCE RHYTHM, ETC:

I didn't notice many problems.

* What I LIKED MOST: Your telling a story within your poem=Storeom. The fact that these two can help each other out.

* OTHER COMMENTS:

I noticed a rhythm similar to the Beverly Hillbilly's song. Your rhyming is pretty good, until we get to one of the stanzas.

Here is my suggestion:

Hey(,) old dog, you're blind(,) but I can see
Well, old hen, how bout you hop on top of me.

It was a fun read and I bet a comical sight.

Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4753982

Review of One

Review by ~SilverMoon~

In affiliation with The Power Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This review is presented by ~SilverMoon~

on behalf of:

** Image ID #1805551 Unavailable **

Hello elatedie,

I'm here to read and review your poem. It is up to you whether or not you decide to use whatever suggestions I might have. I only offer my impression in order to help.

* This was a short, yet very expressive poem.

* It's also unique in the way it's formatted, yet also there is careful use of words and the amount used for each line.

* I liked it as it fits as a committed relationship as everlasting.

I do not remember the nane for this type of poem.

I'd have liked to see the name of this type of poetry.

Thanks for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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