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Review Requests: ON
3,528 Public Reviews Given
4,105 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of A Final Meeting  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Werden,

I somehow saw your portfolio and decided to have a closer look. I found this little story.

The way you wrote it and the words used, plus some imagery helped make it feel like it was real.

The premise feels real too. This kind of thing unfortunately happens more often than not. It's really sad for the family as they try to help the person remember.

It seems as if it just makes them confused and uncomfortable when someone does that. It's so ssaf to see that their mind isn't w.hat it use to be.

I liked that the grandson at least did go to see her even if she didn't remember but briefly.

*Pencil*I did find some errors. A misspelled word or two, and some punctuation problems. Spell check will help with that.

It's easily fixed so I'm not too worried about it.


You did well writing this story. Keep at it.

We've all started somewhere.

First you have to write the story or at least the story idea, then later you edit it maybe once, twice or even a dozen times.
5hanks for sharing.
Write on.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
Review of Haiku to My Baby  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello iluvhorses,

I remember reading the last two and reviewing them.

I think your doing well as far á figuring out and expressing what the girl/woman is going through, but there's no real interaction between the boyfriend and her. They both could have dialogue. If you do give them both dialogue, be sure to keep each character's set of action and dialogue separate. In other words, paragraph separated by a line space.

If you read a book that you like, pay attention to how it's done.

The above item is free from poetic and endearing. I don't know a lot a out poetry, but I did notice there wasn't any capitalization.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
Review of Tomorrow  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Norman,

I just came across your poem and had to read it.

Title: it fits the contents of the poem
Premise: Tomorrow, today, yesterday. It works.

There's rhyming and rhythm as d it adds to this poem.

It helps us see that living in the moment is best because yesterday is gone, the future is unpredictable, but the now is very real.

It had a nice ring to it, and is meaningful. I didn't see any errors.

Thanks for sharing.







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Winchester,

Noticed your portfolio and decided to see what's in it.

Wow, this little story was thrilling to read. It hD me reading more to see what would hOpen next, first the guinea pigs, hamsters, then rabbits, followed by snakes.

And those little red eyes!

At least Teddy got away, but then nothing was found of him but one tennis shoe.

The ending was perfect and my reaction changes then as Dad's dialogue revealed what was happening. Amusing.

I liked the repeated emphasis on certain phrases. You used the technique several times and it works well.

Example:
their eyes. Devil’s eyes. Little red beady eyes that seemed to pulsate inside their heads.
The stench in the air filled our nostrils.

That right there added to the imagery, creating a mood. A kind of foreboding also.

*Pencil* I found one place you might like to edit. Capitalize his brother's name.

I heard (t)eddy’s voice, pleading,

Thanks for sharing.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Weirdone,

Here I am visiting your port once more. I found this one item And got curious so took a read.

This drew me in right away, with your timing and descriptive words used. It also has a nice rhythm to it.

The poetic story advances as we see what's developing.

I saw no errors in this or anything needing to be changed. It's perfect as is.

Nice job. Thanks for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review of Forever  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello IE,

I found this item in your port.

The title fits the content

The premise is the presence of a loved one watching this person. The love I tensifys with the words used, or maybe it becomes apparent.

I honestly can't pick out which part I like most. It indicates a timeless, sweet, neverending love.

This one: Brushing up close, but never in fear
I have held your soul gently in my hands
Singing it softly
I have touched your life
In so many ways
But you do not see me
You never have


Perfect ending to thpiece. Who wouldn't want this kind of love :

The answer is always the same
I hold you in my light
I hold you in my heart
I hold you in my soul
Forever

* Bravo. Well done. Yes, my eyes tend to well up after reading this. Beautiful sentiment.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Review of Nature or Nurture  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello again Weirdone,

Here I am again. I found this little tidbit. And again was drawn in. I just had to read more to see where it was going.

I like how you showed us what was happening. Your timing was spot on and kept things interesting.

Also your use of imagery is working well in this story.

*Pencil* I found one place you might want to edit.

Okay, even if you are m(y) father, how did you get into this house?"

It looks like you met the requirements of the writing prompt. Good job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
83
83
Review of Bad Detectives  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Weirdone,

I happened to notice your portfolio and had to have a look to see what I teresting items you might have in it . I wasn't disappointed.

I found this one amusing as everyone is watching while the is watching someone else. Kind of a domino effect.

Loved the dialogue. It was just enough and helped pull everything together.

*Pencil* I did find one error, which can easily be fixed. Placement of " and a space.

"Indeed,I am, "said the woman flashing her badge.

*Idea* "Indeed,I am," said the woman flashing her badge.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello SaintLee,

All I can say is your words touched me. I struggle to not spill tears. I'm a mom and I get it. I can imagine all that you wrote and the feelings in these words are so expressive and powerful.

You can feel the fear, anxiety, the humbleness, but also the love and togetherness. It is a tribute to your dear mother.

Thanks so much for sharing this.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Davideo,

I'm here to read and review another chapter.

Regarding:"This Planet Shall Be Evacuated " 


*Idea* If you read the sentences out loud, you will discover where it pauses and that's where a comma goes. Also, in this case, Earth needed to be capitalized. If it has the word "the" before it then it's not soppose to be capitalized.

We(,) on Earth, in our state of vulnerability,


*Pencil* Here the word sun was repeated several times. :

So NASA started aiming some of our technological smarts right at the sun it, looking at spots, coronal mass ejections, and sun
flares to gauge any disruptions to our essential electronics and astronauts outside the protection of our atmospheric bubble

* Here it looks weird that one is a capped and the other isn't. I would cap it since it is in reference to both planets. Let's see how it looks --
0
never positioned between the sun and Earth.

Hmm. Now I'm wondering. "the" is implied, so I could be wrong. I'd uncap earth.
:*)

This is more informational, and not yet become what science fiction story is. It could be an intro.
Basically, because it's all telling, rather than showing.
Might I suggest a setting, with people in it. Maybe it's a lecture or an space organization, explaining these things or even having a discussion. Or maybe it's an article in a magazine.

To be honest, I've not read anything like it so I'd rather not inadvertantly discourage you as you know how you wish to write it and in what direction it's going.

It's just that I'm anxious as a reader to see some action and reaction.










*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
86
86
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Davidei,

I noticed that you requested a read and review so I am here to take a look at your first chapter of "This Planet Shall Be Evacuated" .

In this first chapter, we get an idea of what's happening on planet earth and the solar system.

It's written in first person. I'm wondering if there will be any dialogue at some point. Since it is the first chapter, I am curious just how this progresses.


*StarY* I didn't notice any errors in this and it's arranged well. The wording used makes it easy for anyone to understand.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Dawn Embers,

I was looking around in your port and found this. I read a little about Tesla. Yes, truly brilliant. It's unfortunate that people stole his ideas.

In a few minutes I'll send my review, but first I need to finish reading it. I am taking notes where I make comments or suggestions.

The title is what drew me in and is appropriate

It's unfortunate that Mr Tesla wasn't recognized for the invention of the radio, until after his death. At least he had that and will be remembered for his inventions.

*Pencil*

(P)resident Bush, Jr. (And add a space after the period.

I think that (E)arth should be capitalized.

*Idea* I noticed you have various dates for events and it increases interest. I kind of wonder if using them as subheadings might be a good thing.

The information you bring to light is interesting and informative. I enjoyed reading this It is well written , but has a few easily fixed errors.
Thank you.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
88
88
Review of I Don't Know Yet  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi TJ Kingleheimer...er Jingleheimer, Don't you just love autocorrect?

I did overlook the demented elf part as it seemed a bit more scary.
*EyesLeft* *EyesRight*

I'm here to read and review your image. Well, is that even possible?

I do love the picture and the mood it creates. Ah, a sunset and two riders.

I assume that this image might be used in a story now or soon, or at least inspire you.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
89
89
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again hdarling,

I just found another if your stories and again this had me interested from the beginning.

I really liked this one as we see these two people collecting evidence. I'll tell you another time why that is.

Anyway, I like the dialogue in this, plus the descriptions and reactions.

Here I would separate her thoughts from what the officer in charge said.

You're awesome," he responded. "Victim was shot in the head, but she's all right." It was one of those in-the-front, over-the-top, out-the-back wounds. She was pretty vocal for someone who’d just been shot in the head. She hollered at the top of her voice to get her husband, get her kids in bed, get her head fixed!

I think officer-in-charge should be uncapped, since it's not specified what his name is.

Unless it's something like Officer Smith, etc.

Thanks for sharing this story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
90
90
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Penelope Moonbeam,

This was a cute little story.
The descriptions create the mood and the imagery.

I can remember going to a Sadie Hawkins school dance. I felt awkward. None of my friends were there or some were busy dancing with potential boyfriends. I had no experience with that, partly because I was incredibly shy.

And so many people can relate to this story.

*Pencil* As the clock strikes midnight, I feel like Cinderella, who had to leave the ball to(o) soon.

* All along I thought it was about a girl at a prom. I see it's where you were leading us, but the gym talked about what dress she would be wearing. Maybe using other words as the gym spoke or had thoughts, this might have indicated it was the gym.

Interesting story but it needs some editing to make it more believable.

Thanks for sharing.



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91
91
Review of The Wicked Witch  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Norman,

I happened to see your name on WDC and got curious. I'm here to read and review your (not poems). They the do rhyme, yes they're considered poems, yet I get what you mean.

* The title fits the poem.

* The theme is consistant.

* This one tells a little story and also ties it all up with a positive ending.

* The rhyming is done well.

*Idea* The only suggestion I might have is that you let these be 4 lines each. It can happen easily be done by using commas. And spacing.

I tried picking out a favorite part but I liked it all. I liked the unspoken message that all is not what it seems.

Thanks for sharing. I plan on seeing what other items you have.



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92
92
Review of Ocean Moon  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello WriterPenman,

I hope this finds you well. I happened to notice a few of your items in your port. I'm here to review it.

Title: The title is approoriate to the item content.

Format: It looks good on the page with alternatiing number of stanzas.

Content:

We have movement and sound in this first stanza. The imagery creates a feeling and flow. This leads us on our journey.

Ah, the dance of the sea. It swirls and has a back and forth movement. A rhthym.

This piece also reveals sea life, which also returns to the sea.

It was difficult to just pick one part I liked the most. It is complete. The moon's influence churns the water up unto the shore.

Nicely done! I hope to see more.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
93
93
Review of Ocean Moon  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello WriterPenman,

I hope this finds you well. I happened to notice a few of your items in your port. I'm here to review it.

Title: The title is approoriate to the item content.

Format: It looks good on the page with alternatiing number of stanzas.

Content:

We have movement and sound in this first stanza. The imagery creates a feeling and flow. This leads us on our journey.

Ah, the dance of the sea. It swirls and has a back and forth movement. A rhthym.

This piece also reveals sea life, which also returns to the sea.

It was difficult to just pick one part I liked the most. It is complete. The moon's influence churns the water up unto the shore.

Nicely done! I hope to see more.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
94
94
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello DamonNomad,

I just read your item called "Fear on a Mountain Ridge - True Story" .

Your story beginning drew me in. I liked that we got a description of your two friends. It reveals how athletic they are, but also we got to see some interaction.

The tension gradually became evident when the sound of snake arrived on the scene. I can imagine how everyone froze until you were able to actually see it. I still wondered if it was going to strike and how that would turn out. You all made a wise decision at that point.

The relief was welcome as you could all laugh about it, yet still be wary of other dangers.

The golden eyes (orange) was definitely suspicious especially because there were so many. As you all crept forward, the tension builds again. At least you had your guns, but defending against something you can't see is pretty scary. And so this reader had to read more to find out if there's be any casualtys. Isn't that fun if me? Haha. Jk
In reality, I was relieved at your discovery.

Good job on this except I would have liked some more dual fuel like when you were all laughing after the snake came and went. I like humor, especially when we can laugh at our human experiences. I kind of felt like we , the reader, got to know the two fellows, yet not so much as yourself. I imagine someone like Daniel Boone type. Maybe. Or not. Lol

Thanks for sharing.

It's a good thing though.

I did notice there were places that needed commas too, but that's easily fixed.

*Idea* Formating: it occured to me that a little notation before some paragraphs could show clearly what day or time it might be, and also indicates passing of time and place. In paragraphing usually two line spaces indicates this too.

This was fun and interesting to read. You should do more like this. Maybe anthology of adventures.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
95
95
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Sumojo,

I Just happened by your portfolio and noticed this item "Not for the first time"  and I here to rate and review it.

Right away, we get to see where the location is, and when and how the character is arriving. There's a lot of inagery in this, which is fine.

I like the premise. I'm presuming that this might be part of something longer, as it has good potential for it if you wanted to do that.

I did like the dialigue too.

I noticed the word "the" was used at a lot at the beggining of the sentences. I felt it may have been better if some if the sentences was revised a little, saying the same thing, yet differently

I liked that the red truck was mentioned, but felt it could have been more specific, like the 1985 Ford Ranger or 65 Chevy Suburban anything indicating age or year. This may later add to the tracking of the time where or when these two may have met.

I noticed the girl had no fear at first, even though she was alone out there, then suddenly a guy arrives on the scene. Maybe she was schooled and proficient in karate and thats why. But we don't know that at this point in time.

* I'm assuming that you used the prompt, but I wasn't sure what the prompt was. I clicked on the link but it had some other prompt that didn't sound related. This may have been written a while back is that's logical.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading it and can see how this could be developed into a longer continuing story.

Thanks for sharing.







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
96
96
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello again jackuiesmuse,e

I found yet another short story you wrote.

It's looking good and you do have some nice dialogue going on. Tgeres a bit if imagery too.

I didn't see any glaring errors, if there were any.

I did feel like the part where she talks about getting a Uber could be italicizedd to indicate it's not spoken, but her thoughts.

Thanks again for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
97
97
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello JackiesMuse,

I just read "The Stranger on the Bus WC 287"  and am here to review it.

It reveals a situation where the character and we at first are not sure if.



I found a few areas that you might want to revise. This first one refers to a specific time that can be made clearer.
You just never know what strangers are about.

*Idea* My appointment was for 2:00 (p.m.) I dreaded it, but this had to be resolved.

Try to reword and/or combine sentences so that it's not repeated words, yet clear.

* The premise works well.
* The dialogue in this is spot-on.
* We see a begining, middle, and end. Good.

*Idea* I might have added some sensory imagery. Maybe the sounds of the bus.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
98
98
Review of Darlene  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello StephB,

I just read your story called Darlene. It looks like you did a good job using the prompt given for the contest.

I liked that you gave a bit of back story about Darlene. Also you had some nice imagery going on as to what she was
wearing. Hoops, bangles and the clothing.

The kid was a bit of a blunt little guy, as kids can often can be.

*Pencil*

I did see a few areas that might need attention.

* Here the same word was used twice. It's easily fixed.

“Take it my from my tip jar. I’ll watch your booth while you’re gone.

* I walked over to the table and my jar jaw dropped.

Other than that, it looks good.

Thanks for the read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99
99
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings,
Re:
Matt Duggan
Part V
*Pencil*

* I would cap the word Attorney Jonnie Cochran, as his name follows it.

* capitalize Cougar.

* use three periods, not four.

Matt stood ... staring ...baffled, until the only word to come to mind crossed his lips.
* probably don't need the comma
large, digital

* Is it sub nose or snubed nose?
-He raised his sub(-)nose(d) revolver until it was level with his temple.

I liked the smart aleck remarks referring to the assailant.

Good read. Hope this helps.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
100
100
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jonblair,

I'm here again for Chapter 4.

I did notice that you needed a hyphen, plus a letter on one sentence. It's easily fixed.

*Pencil*
* pressing the release butto(n).

* here you repeated a word.
Matt didn’t didn’t disagre

* spring(-)loaded blade. There are probably more words in the previous chapter needing a hyphen.

Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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