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Review Requests: ON
3,524 Public Reviews Given
4,101 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again Soldier Mike,

There you've done it again. This one was short, but you had me wondering, with all the flashing lights. I, too, was dreading the opening of the door.

What better gift could a parent get?


I did notice something. I could be wrong but this part here:

You wrote:
Red and blue lights chased each other across the windows, reflected in multiple directions by the banks of snow that, come springtime, would once again be bushes and shrubs

* Read it out loud.
Put the comma where you pause briefly.

*Idea* snow(,) (which) come springtime, would once again be bushes and shrubs.

Notice the placement of commas and the word change. It's an easy thing to fix.

Good job regardless. Done well.


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152
152
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Soldier Mike,

Looks like you did a great job of keeping with the prompt. You also kept the topic in target.
The idea is one that most people can relate to also.

I have no suggestions for this piece. It's perfect as it is.


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153
153
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Soldier Mike

This really worked out good for the song. It was fun reading it too.

Baseball reminds me if the times I'd watched a foster brother play games.

Years ago a friend of mines' son was on a team. I think he was going for professional, but something happened. When his team won, someone on the opposing team started a fight with him and knocked his front teeth out. I can only imagine the parents stress watching this happen. So horrible.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
154
154
Review of Shopping  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jacky,

I came across your story and decided to read and review it.


I liked that you not only told us what the cart guy was doing and that he was annoyed and was jerking the carts and stomping around and also ignoring that carts were in the way for a driver.






When she moves her hand whe holding the pendent with the symbol it seems almost magica. It looks like the attendant got paid back for ignoring the driver, yet we see another person move the carts. Good to see someone doing good rather than cause disharmony.

I saw no errors or other grammatical problems. Formatting looks decent with correct line spacing.

I might have liked to see some dialogue, like when Jane's husband leaves the car and when he gets back, or maybe Jane herself thinking. Oh. I do see at least her whispering. Good.

*Idea* Theresa!need for commas at the introductory clauses. Read the sentence and see where it pauses.

Example: As she sat there(,) an employee came out to round up (the) carts.

* In the below example I would take out this first part as it feels repeated and we already established its reference.

Jane sawThe employee glance(d) back, but then continue(d) on as if he hadn’t seen her.

Thanks for sharing.


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155
155
Review of TJ was here  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello TJ,

I saw this while looking around on wdc and because of the title I had to take a closer look. I'm glad I did.

I love these old desks.

A sister of mine had one, but it had this accordion-like slider (for lack of better terms), which came down from the top to close it.

It also had a lot of nooks and crannies to store things in. Looks like you got a good find. Best of all, it reminds you of your loved ones.

I saw no errors or other problems in this item.

Well done.
156
156
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello pumpkin,

First I'd like to say after reading this I didn't notice any errors if there were any.

I, too, am a fan of old westerns. Specifically called spaghetti westerns. I used to watch almost all the shows you mentioned, plus the movies.

Clint Eastwood was a favorite, also some of the others who had tv westerns. I first saw him in Rawhide. He was one would good looking cowboy. But much later he became Dirty Harry and Bronco Billy.

Lately, I've been watching alot of DVDs of Sam Elliot and also Tom Selleck, who both were stars in westerns. Love thier voices and acting. I met Sam Elliot one time driving around in Colorado. He never said it was hi
But I recognized his voice. He was tall and thin. I'll tell you more if you ask but it was a brief moment in time.

I did see Clu Gulagar in person. I believe it might have been at Universal Studios. Not sure. I might even have a picture if him at a distance. I recognized him from one of the tv programs but can't place which one. He was talking to a young lady fan.

If you like westerns you might like to read some of Louis La' Mour's books. I hope I spelled that right.

Here's one of his quotes:

'When you go to a country, you must learn how to say two things: how to ask for food, and to tell a woman that you love her. Of these the second is more important, for if you tell a woman you love her, she will certainly feed you.'
Louis L'Amour


Anyway, thanks for sharing this information.




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157
157
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Squeaky,

I just read this part of the interactive. I have to says I got a giggle out of Melvin's misshap. It reminds me of someone I know named Melvin. He's not a nice person.

Of course I'd never wish bad things on someone but this is fiction...it is it? Haha. Jk

Anyways good job.


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158
158
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Charlie,

I just read your item titled. "What is it?"

Boy, isn't that the pits. What a horrible gift. A broken one at that.

Seems like they then want to be thanked for it. Obviously, they had to know it was broken.

I remember one time getting this piece of board. It looked like something you could use for firewood. At the time, I was upset thinking my sister wasted her money on it. Money should could have used toward her own needs. I even had called the company wanting them to give her back her money. Boy, was I shocked to know it was a free gift, although poorly made.

When I mentioned it to a other sister, she said to send it to her. I told her I wouldn't even waste postage to do that.


When I gift I like to think of the person and what they might like. On occasion I overspent, but since I wanted to do something special for them I went ahead and bought a few items.

I sent one off to one of my relatives. It was an Austrian crystal birthstone necklace. It wasnt cheap, but not so pricey I'd be broke afterward. I also decided to send one to another relative.

The second relative who recieved it contacted me, and was very thankful, but then she told me the other relative got hers but what she had said was, " You know it's not real. She'd never spend that much money on either of us. "

When I heard that I felt like someone had just shot me down. It left me with a bad feeling because what I did out of the goodness of my heart had just got ruined by hurtful words.

Worse yet the recipient wanted to see a receipt for it. "As if." I said, "That is not going to happen and you can tell her that too." Then I let it go.

So now I'm a bit hesitant since my gift of time, energy, and thoughtfulness meant nothing to them. Such is life.

I saw no errors in this. It's fine the way it is. Loved the balance if dialogue and exposition.

Thanks for sharing.




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159
159
Review of Jingle Jangle  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with The Sci-fi Writers Guild  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello again Stuckintime,

I decided to see what else was in your port. I found this item. I'm here to read and review it.

This piece shows us where we are and what, for the most part, is happening and then we see a flashback, which by the way was done well.

Trauma at an early age is upsetting and now the child is being haunted, yet Colin figures out a way to stop these hauntings.

The formatting looks good with appropriate line-spacing where needed, except in one area.

*Idea* Here I would place an extra lime space because that's a transition between the present and past. An time there's a change of time, place, or person, you need a linespace. To indicate a passing of time you add an extra one.

* crashing against the polished wooden floor.


“Colin,” it whispered now directly behind me. “Look what I have got, come on have a peek. Don’t you want it back?”

(Here we're back to Colins POV).
I could feel it’s breath as its mouth almost touched my ear.
(Remember to keep each characters actions with thier dialogue.

If it's someone else's actions keep it separate too.)

Thanks for sharing.


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160
160
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Wierdone,

I noticed your item while browsing in WDC.

I liked how you explained the form of this poem.

It's worded simple enough for anyone to understand.

The poem is short but meaningful. It also has a rhyme going on.

The person goes into the rain avoiding puddles yet still feeling the wetness. There's a bit of almost innocent child-like joy as the person finds her way then realises she forgot something and again goes back out into the rain.

Good job on this. I don't usually write poetry but sometime soon I'll try this, if I can remember the pattern.

Thanks for sharing this



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161
161
for entry "~ Basic Training ~" 
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ruwth.

I just read Basic Training. That's interesting what happens. I'm sure it's all for a purpose. And glad you got your ribbon too.

Words and thoughts are powerful and you asked in Jesus name and did get the ribbon.

Good job.



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162
162
Review of Signature  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Thomas Seeker,

You say it so well. I like that you wrote this. It's perfect the way it is so I have no suggestions. Except to keep it up.

I see you still have the signature you used a while back. ;*)

I'd use mine but I changed my name. Lol.

Thank you for sharing, my friend.



163
163
Review of Bad Touch  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Jeff,

I just read your item called Bad Touch and an here to review it.

I liked the beginning of it. It felt natural. Zara's coolness on the surface made her seem cautious yet amused. And increasingly she warmed up to Tom.

Still she kept her cool and the reader wondered why she seemed almost standoffish. This was a good thing because then reader wondered if she was up to no good, especially when she followed the drink drunk into the alley. That added more tension and curiosity.

The premise itself is unique. Many people wonder about the things the story touches on. Her name was cleverly done to match the Angel if Death name.

It had good dialogue, and sentence rythym. It was simply presented in words used that anyone could understand; and was formatted well.

I especially liked this part:

"How can God’s intelligent design result in people dying before their time?”

“Who’s to say what their time is?” Azrael shrugged. “Like it says in that book so many of you are so fond of reading: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

I liked Thier rapport and fun responses. Your style reminds me of someone who might react in that way on stage. It like it very much

*Pencil* I did feel that in one place it needed a comma, yet for the life of me I can't find it.
Maybe it's just me and I'm comma happy.

Thanks for this fun story and interesting premise. I look forward to seeing more.


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164
164
Review of What Matters  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please realize that anything I say here is just my opinion alone. Only you know how you wish to express something. I am only here to offer encouragement and help should you need it.

*Tulipv* Hello again Thomas Seeker
I'm here to read your item, but also give you a review.

* BASICS

* Title: Good and appropriate
* Premise: those things that matter most.
* Format: the format Looks good on the page.
* Flow: The words are like music, and flow gently.

* What I liked: I liked how this image is the backdrop. The
world The last line had impact. and the whole piece is powerful and well thought out.

* What felt like it needed editing and revision:
someones heart should probably be someone's heart.

*Thoughts/Comments/Other:

Suggestions: There is nothing I can say, except it's done well.

Bravo for your effort and creativity. I hope that this review was helpful.


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165
165
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Patrice,

I just read your item about your own experience concerning autism.

I like how you explained everything by giving the reader examples. It's often misunderstood and certain things like changes in almost anything can bring an episode of meltdown on.

Worse yet, if not handled right, it can make things worse. I can only imagine what it feels like to them living thier daily lives and not understanding that they are safe.

Even a small change such as moving thier chair, blanket, or buying food that's almost the same kind, but isn't, causes a problem.
One person out if control is bad enough, but two out of control is chaos. Someone needs to stay as calm as possible.

What bothers me most is that I worry about what's going on inside them often they can't express what it is. The feel something's wrong but it's like they're trapped in this world where most people don't understand them or know how to properly handle the situation.

It sounds like you're doing well considering that you are with them a lot. And most of all, you do it out of love. That's a wonderful gift you give.

You may not think they realize it, but they feel it and at the most unexpected moments you will see this and be astounded and proud.
God bless you and your family.

Anyway, as for this item, you did well. No spelling or grammer errors that I could see. Format looks good. There's nothing here that I would change.

What you've written us both interesting and informative.

Thanks for sharing.


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166
166
Review of A FINE BLACK SUIT  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

I noticed your item and decided to take a better look.

It is short, contains no dialogue, but still we know what's happening by what we're told.

There was an opportunity for someone to say a few words or even I love yous. We didn't get to see that, yet the man in the black suit whispered and so did the woman who was dead. Because of that I felt this is where if she was dying, and not dead they could have said thier goodbyes.

I feel that this is all telling.

I did like the imagery. I'm also thinking maybe a clock, like a grandfather clock, ticking by and then sounding off would add to the imagery as time passes by. Maybe it stops working after that.

You use your words well, but I felt it lacked dialogue. People do talk at a gathering like this, but have thier silent moments.

They may talk outside before they enter the building about the lady and what they remember about her. This would help with knowing the person's mother in order to care more about what is going on.

It feels less personal when no names are used.

* Please remember this is my view and not necessarily what you intended it's up to you how you write this.


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167
167
Review of High Violet  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello M.S. Bird,

I just read your story "High Violet"  and I'm here to review it.

At the beginning we take in the beauty of the surroundings, but soon we see a human in his dwelling, and doing his work around the cabin.

Soon he has company of an unusual kind. She has questions for him.

The questions she asks are not easily answered, yet Hisao speaks in simple language that anyone can understand. And makes his point with few words.

This definitely sounds like someone of Japan. It adds to the ambiance.

He is happy where he is. The forest and its animals hold meaning for him.

The story question arises. Wny did all the others chose to transcend?
The issue is they will have to die to do tha, yet they willingly accepted that.

This piece is deep in its own way. It is thought provoking and suggests that there is something more beyond the veil.

I like Hisaos character. I had a hard time picking out what I liked best.

*Pencil* I do think you should keep each characters dialogue and actions together.

Thanks for sharing.











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168
168
Review of Power Storm  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Labradorian,

I found your item on a list I had in group and decided to have a closer look.

I r ad that you wasn't satisfied with this item, yet I see nothing wrong with it.

It has imagery, and creates a feeling. It's formatted well.

There's power in these words as we see the actions of the storm but also the aftermath.

Thanks for sharing.


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169
169
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello twerd,

I came to your port to see what you might have and found this one.

Overall it looks pretty good.

I went over this and decided it might need some rewording in order to not repeat words. Paragraphing in it looks pretty good. I saw no errors as far as spelling, but maybe a typo.

I will send my suggestions privately.

This definitely shows passion, yet we're not sure why and if he will follow through or wait until the right time, or he has other obligations. Either way, he's struggling with his own decisions.

The tone is this piece is strong, but I would try not to give too much all at once. A little but can go a long way. Too much and the reader ends up not reading more.

We don't know why these two are drawn to each other.

We'd like to get to know more about them in order to care. We need to see what kind of characters they are. Show them doing something that reveals that.

Maybe they're taking the time to listen to someone needing guidance. Maybe they walk and care for the neighbor's dog while they are on vacation. It could be anything showing kindness for another person, or something brave they've done.

Anyway, this has good potential and could be made into a long story.
Whatever you do, keep at it.

Thanks for sharing.




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170
170
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Mary Ann,

What a delightful little poem and shaped well too. It evokes a calm, comforting place to be. Please write more.

I remember when we had a fireplace in our home.


Then someone had given us a golden retriever . We only had him a short time. When I was alone I would let him inside the house with me, instead of having to stay outside in the cold. He would sit by my side.

Unfortunately, one particular night, the person I was with wasn't very nice at all. He never was. At some point my dog growled at him and I'm not sure why. Maybe the ugly look on his face made the dog realize what kind of person he was, or the fact that he was jealous of the dog that the dog got more attention than he did. I petted the dog and told him everything was okay. This didnt sit well with the man.

Anyway, your poem is very nice. I liked it.

Thanks for sharing.


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171
171
Review of sadasdadasdassdas  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (1.0)
Hello asdad,

I was curious and came to see what this was. I can also say that I'm disappointed. You need to delete this as it's just letters. Unless it actually means something other than someone being bored. I don't know if you're new or what, but please just try one sentence at a time.

WDC has a lot of classes you can take if you need help. You might even get a scholarship to pay for it if you try.

Good luck,


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172
172
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello PShepherd,

I just read. ""The Next Right Before Christmas..."" 
I got a kick out of this poem it's really fun to read. I can imagine all the turns on the journey.

I've noticed on an older version the GPS wasn't working well. It let me to the right area in the middle of a tract of homes. It said my destination was straight ahead 500 feet. Really? These were houses. I scratched my head then left the tract of homes. Then I saw my destination. It wasn't a house, but a business--Daiso.

Anyway, the poem had some great rhyming going on.

*Pencil*. This part I wasn't sure if you mean swear or swore.

damn night as I stammered and sware.

Formatting looks good.

Thanks for sharing.


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173
173
Review of Medical Tyranny  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Bride,

Good article. Well said.

Glad to see I'm not the only one not liking this balogna and cheese there passing around. They are definitely lying. Then lie about lying.

That will be interesting to see in history books, if there are any.

This part was interesting too. Not sayimg you're wrong. :

"Its the MANS seed that determines the sex of a child, and children get their identities from their FATHERS. MEN train sons how to be men, fathers, and how to treat women; while daughters get their first interaction of male stability and an example of what type of man they should date/marry from their dad."


* What I can also say is that some men are poor examples. They give other men a bad name.

I'm not saying that someone can't change that, if it's recognized as an issue though. Mother's also have influence over thier children no matter what gender.

I do get what you're saying though. Always interesting.

Thanks for sharing.


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174
174
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Riley,

I just read your item called Debunking Christianity #1.

I get what you are saying, and respect your right to say it or believe it.

I see where you're coming from and that it's impossible for Christianity to be true since the world existed before it became known of.

Think of history books, there's a lot known in history books, which were written long after the events happened.

Now consider yourself a God, not just any god, but one that sees and knows all, and yes can create such a place as Earth,a Galaxy, a universe, a plain of existence.

Since God would have these powers which no mere human, prone to error and also greatness, can imagine fully how that can come about.


I admit I don't have all the answers but I'm pretty sure some have come close, yet still do not fully know all there is to know in order to give a fair and true analysis of it.

I'm not here to change your mind on this. I'm here to show
my perspective. I can't say that everyone else agrees on this. And that's okay. We all find our way on the path we choose and should we decide otherwise then that can be too.
I only have one suggestion yet it's up to you how you want it. I would add a line space between paragraphs. It makes it easier to read.

Thanks for sharing this.
Be Blessed.


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175
175
Review of [ References ]  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Garathe,

I saw your response on the newsfeed on memes so I decided to take a look at your portfolio.


This poem does show how things are in the present time and so it's something that many can relate to. It's said is simple words that anyone can understand.

This part made me stop and read it again was the following one.

* The dangers of religion
Faith in institutes
Unchallenged and unscrutinized
Leaves minds of destitute
Zealous in belief
In an aimless, blind pursuit
Contemplation all abandoned
Afterthought, a residue

***

I see this alot. It seems that each group of people are zealous that they are certain that have the only true religion.

That in itself causes a division. Why cant people realise they are limited by their own chosen belief system? We are humans discovering what feels real, yet which part have we not considered into that idea of what is?

Then again, are they free to choose what they will without being ostracized?

Your item is thought provoking.
It is formatted well.

Thanks for sharing.




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