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Review Requests: ON
3,528 Public Reviews Given
4,105 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Experiment  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Queen Norma Jean,
I happened to notice this short story in your port and am here to read and review it.

Intro: We see people interacting. Each person winders about these two pieces es of fruit.

Tension rises: the guys can't decide to try the fruit out since they've heard things about GMO food. Most readers would know what that is, but maybe some younger people might not know. I'd probably have include some dialogue where someone mentions the actual name and brief explanation.

The guys are still wondering why this fruit is different and decided to let it sit around a bit to see if either of the apples change. After all at least one of them need the results for thier class.

Clever ending. The story had a beginning, middle, and end. Done well.




.


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Review of Broomstick  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with The Sci-fi Writers Guild  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Shaara,

I'm here to review your item called "Broomstick" .

This is an interesting little story. I like how the items surrounding her are animated. It's like they are alive and very. Familiar with this witch.

What makes them seem even more real is the details. For example:
black widows said, leering down at me with glowing, green eyes.
The ta.i g of the broom.made me think of barn-sour horses and how if they've not been ridden they tend to be cranky, yet in this case her weight is an issue.

Since the broom finally behaved. And tolerated the witches weight, it might have deserved a treat. What could a broom consider a treat though? A matching mop? Or one of those dust pans?

Fun read. Thanks for sharing. We need stories like this for Halloween.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
228
228
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Fun,

I just read your item called. "Applesauce Summers" .

This certainly depicts a beautiful, yet hot summer day. You e created quite a visual showing hay kinds of things were there.

I liked this part to describe tanned legs-- As nutmeg legs took us all over our

The island sounds fun, yet spooky. Perfect place to tell scary stories. Yet not so far that you can't get back to Granny's place and enjoy lemonade too.

What a wonderful memory.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
229
229
Review of Father  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Sindbad,

I just read your item .

It's truly sad when we lose our loved ones. I imagine that most people are very close to thier patents. I had an off and on type of thing. Some never got close, others still exist in my heart. We kids were separated from our parents at a young age and probably at the right time. Probably sounds odd but it was better for us all.

And yet you grow up missing what you see in other familys.

I did have at least one special person fatherly guardian who I adored. And I sensed his love too.

Anyway, this story you shared is an important one. You were there for him and he was supportive to the end.

*Pencil*. There were some places where commas were needed. You might want to read this aloud and not where your voice pauses. That will tell you where to place commas. It's usually where there's and, but, or some other beginning words.

Oh and also you need aine space between paragraphs.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
230
230
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Grin N' Bear it,

I just read "Adventures in Plumbing" .

Plumbing can be headaches. Yet we try to fix the problem anyway.

Nice use of imagery here and showing frustration: I twisted, jiggled, shoved, and pulled until sweat poured from my brow and trickled down the middle of my back.

This was another funny thought. Lmao : It looked like a wobbly toilet erection.

Loved this line. It caught me off guard, but made me laugh: I can do this. I am woman, see me plunge!

We continue to see her struggle not just with the toilet problem but more than that. She'd rather not have a man, like Ray, attempt to fix her plumbing problem, who probably either won't or can't follow directions. He's rather cocky anyway. What if he fails?

*Idea* Surely, unknown to our handy and dedicated female, he would come up with some explanation as to why he wasn't able to. Will he admit he couldn't accomplish it? Possibly he could end up having to call a professional in, or at least bribe someone to share the secret to success.

The question is how far will this man go to prove he's up to the job. Men hate looking like they're two fries short of a Happy Meal. I can see how this could end up funny.

I know someone who tried to remove his toilet on his own, broke the seal,like you're suppose to, replaced the toilet, and thought he "fixed" the problem, except it made things worse. The wax seal if not properly put on will not seal toilet to the opening. You may end up flooded.

If he managed to get help without her knowing, at some point, will she discover his fib that he did fix the toilet problem? Maybe she will be amused but also over time empathize that he tried so hard to make things work. Will she allow that dignity, at least in public? And would she allow him to help if anything else came up.

She might see his public manner as a bit abrasive, yet discover something more.

It all depends on where you want to go with this. At least after reading this, you might realise what not to do. Haha

Thanks for sharing.



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231
Review of Catching Air  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again Grun N' Bear It,

I just read another of your items. This time it was "Catching Air" .

Ahh the roller coaster. I understand the fear. My youngest son can't stand the feel of them or the height when they are up in the air whirling around. His big brother decided to bribe him into going on one while at Santa Cruz, California.

Afterward, the poor kid was white as newly fallen snow and a bit dizzy and queasy. He hasn't been in one since.

In your story convinced the unnamed person to get on the ride, after all it's "safe".

Unknown to the person next to him, who has her eyes closed, this daredevil-ish guy decided to show off. He unfastens his seat belt. Probably not the wisest to do. He have have lost a tad more than just a few brain cells.

People do crazy things.

Good short read and to the point.





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232
Review of Mother's ring  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello free spirit,

I just read your short story called "Mother's ring" . We see this beautiful connection between mother and child. It is almost like a ray of golden sunshine. Yet death spoiled. The beautiful connection. Okay, maybe not at all but it definitely out a new soon in things.

What I thought might need improvement is that there is no dialogue and there's all telling and some showing as the deep feeling is expressed by way if examples. I really think it would strengthen this more with some closeup examples.

We had no real hint at first to even slightly indicate something unusual happened. Still I noticed it didn't say how the mother had passed and the survivors just continued thier life.

Foreshadowing can also work. It brings about an aha moment.

Liked: I liked the part where the new owners tried to plant a garden. Later we realize that this idea came from someone in order to expose the wrongdoer.

* I also liked thus part where it shows a definite change and brings up a story question:

Everything worked out smoothly, except for one. The day his father was to leave, the police arrested him for his wife's murder.

Good job and would improve with a few changes.

Thanks for the read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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233
Review of My Valentine  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello LdyPhoenix,

I just read your item "My Valentine" . I'm here to give my thoughts on it.

It starts off showing the well-planned dinner table and candles that are lit. She wanted things to be special, but as usual he gets called away.

The mood in this is obvious as you show in her movements and thought.

Even though it has happened many times before, you can tell she's got something in her mind and it remains her focus.

The melting candle wax and it's flowing off of the plate and into the table adds to the mood of discontent and although she's dissapointed, she will still wait until she gets another chance to take care of this problem.
*Idea* I might have mentioned shadowy silhouettes cast along the walls or ceiling, showing the slightest movement as candles flicker and glow.

Little does the the guy know that he's has probably missed a close encounter he might not have lived to regret.

Nice set up and build of tension.

There was no dialogue yet it's understandable since she is alone.

I saw no errors in this.
Thanks for the read.








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234
Review of Life On Mars?  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Alex Morgan,

I just read your story--"Life On Mars?"  [E]. This was kind of cool getting a view of things we might view in another planet.

I liked how you allowed us to see these two people in space suits walking around and viewing it.

One seems a bit disenchanted and cautious. Unfortunately for other one, he was a bit too enthusiastic while exploring the "creature, that didn't go so well.

Nice concise little story. Has a beginning, middle and end.

I love some dialogue and in this it seems realistic and is done well.

*Pencil* I only found one error.

It’s (It) looks like a creature but that can’t be possible.”


Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
235
235
Review of Arrival  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again Chris Breva

I just read your item--"Arrival" .
I liked the lead in and its unique atmosphere. We got some good imagery, which felt realistic, and made us feel like we were there.

Formating looks good. The varied sentence lengths makes this easy to read and creates interest.

I also enjoyed the dialogue. It as done well.

My favorite line was this humorous one:

After all(,) the(y) survive the time they spend in San Francisco every year just fine."

Thanks for the read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
236
236
Review of A Helping Hand  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Chris Breva,


I found this item recently on your pages after finding something I had written was listed on your Space Blog page. I'm honored. Thank you.

I also just read "A Helping Hand" .

Impression: What an informative and interesting piece this is as we get a glimpse of the unique problems within the homeless community and the things they have to deal with daily.

Many people seem to not be awate of, or look away or pass by the concerns of these people's needs. There are others who are saddened and feel compassion for these vulnerable, yet somewhat resilient people. They might not even know how they might help in a significant way.

To see and understand the complexities of it helps so that others able and wanting to help can in whatever ways that's acceptable to them.

Here we have a soup kitchen, shelters, and also a Blessing Box. I first discovered it by talking to one of the homeless people. The cool thing about it is it not only provides food that easily accessed but also a variety of other necessities which most often other people take for granted. Maybe socks, hygiene items, and other things.

The public can drop by at any time and place items in the box, but they may also take items. It's all done by the honor system so that more than one person is benefited.


*Pencil* I didn't notice a lot if problems in this item. I was caught up in the experience seen through the onlookers eyes.

* I might have broken up the paragraphs just a little more.
I thought the use of commas might be necessary, but I tend to be comma happy and sometimes am error prone, so I let it pass.

Thank you for sharing this.






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Review of A Young Nation  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Richard,

I just read "A Young Nation" . This was formatted well done, the content was well expressed.

Its unfortunate that where I am and probably other places we didn't get the usual fireworks display of years gone by, but the American spirit us still alive.

That is for sharing and cimmemirati g thus day.

Happy 4th of July!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
238
238
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Prodigal Son,

This here is a short item revealing an interesting, thought provoking interview between Bob, Isaac Newton, and Albert Einstein.

The question about God is one that many of us wonder about. Its also a topic that humans have fought over for eons about who is right or wrong.

*Pencil* I think the word (be) is missing in this:

Bob: So Al and Isaac, according to you, there had to (be) a Creator to the universe?

Other than that one area, I saw no other things that might need editing and revising.


Reviewers thoughts:

For me, yes, I believe there is a God, maybe not quite how most envision.

We don't fully understand the ways of God either or we don't know all the details.

We womder why certain things happen, which might not feel so wholesome and productive. What purpose does it serve? Is it also productive in some way later on?

And what if God is within? What we're all part of the whole--of the "I Am"?

Maybe we don't recognise or remember so many things since we are mere humans. Maybe what "is" will prevail anyway no matter what any if us think.

I guess we won't realize the answers to these important questions until we do.

Meanwhile we can observe and decide what makes sense and what doesn't.

Thanks for sharing.


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239
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Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Prodigal Son,

I just read. "Hunting for Answers"  [E].
Again, you make your point in this rant.

I do eat meat, but the thought off animals suffering and being killed makes me ill.

I think I'd rather starve first, yet I've not been in survival mode long enough to have that happen.

One look in their innocent trusting eyes would do me in and I'd fold up like an accordion.

Anyway. The format on this looks good, I saw no errors.

The words and expressions used reveals the emotion and logic behind it.

Stellar work here.

Thanks for sharing.

Go forth and harm ye none.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
240
240
Review of Recipe Collection  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Tina Stone,

Just saw this recipe on the community newsfeed. I like the format for this, but also how you have the detailed directions.

I didn't see any errors unless it might have been when comma was missing.

I like eating this kind of dish, but I've not ever made it.

This one sounds better than the usual.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
241
241
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Edgework,

Wow, that reviewer was pretty cold. I dont think I ever gave anyonee a 1.

Rather than do that I probably wouldn't review it at all, but it would have to be pretty bad.

I've turned down some items not because of their story idea or content but other reasons. Maybe its way too long and just isn't making sense.

I doubt yours is like that so it was unfair.

We all make mistakes and we learn from it. I tend to typo, even in reviews. Writers and reviewers know this is bound to happen and they remind me that I made a mistake. Thats okay. But sometimes people don't consider the rest that is right about the item.

Some things are easily fixed with the editing or using different words.

Keep at it. Reading and reviewing can help you see what is working and what isn't.

Whoever the person was needs to take a look at their own review errors. I see several words that agent appropriate for the review.


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Review of Intro Speech  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Martiangirl,

I found "Intro Speech"  [E] in yoir portfolio and decided to have a closer look.

*Pencil* . I noticed several.of the paragraphs were long. I feel they need to split up and separated by a single line space.

Also, any time you have a new paragraph there needs to be a line space before it.

* I did like how we saw your dream at the beginning then see when it comes true later.

There were a few areas where there were repeated words, or misspelled ones.

At a young age, you had a vision IG what you will be later on in life and made it happen. That's good to see.


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243
243
Review of My love  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Joe House,

I happened by your portfolio and found this--"My love"  [E].

*Pencil*. I would capitalise Love in the title.

What a beautiful sentiment in this piece. Almost anyone would be delighted to hear those words from their loved one. An everlasting love is priceless.

With the words used it makes this piece concise.

*Pencil* I did feel and like the pause after the first words like:

Never
Forever

I liked how it helped emphasize the message. I would probably bold these words and maybe a few other line beginnings.

*Pencil* Format: I would break this up into three stanzas separated by a single line space between each.

Keep in mind that the suggestions I give are based on my own perspective. You are free to use what you wish and disregard the rest.

Thanks for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Kentucky  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Lou,

This simple poem says just enough and we get a feeling of peacefulness and the beauty of nature. And during this quiet moment we sense that someone special is missed.

The only thing is I might have put a line space between where a thought is repeated.

Good job expressing a feeling.

Thanks for sharing.
245
245
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dave92706,

I noticed your story--{Ritem: 2251514} and decided to read it.
The story is one almost a tone can relate to, maybe not the specific details but the live and companionship of a dog, who is also a family member.

I did notice that the title was missing so e letters. I think you that meant for it to be Daisey.


I saw a few missing commas.
The paragraphs ate too long and would be easier to read if split up.

On the upside, your story has a beginning, middle and end.

Thanks for sharing this story about an amazing dog.



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246
246
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Dave92706,

Wow. In your story, a poor kid had a rough time at school. Bully's pick on people not wishing to fight,but they don't let up.

It's a realistic premise.

It's too bad the dad didn't give him good advice, but it's a blessing that his uncle helped him learn to defend himself.

*Pencil* What I noticed is some places you used a question mark where it was t needed. The sentence isn't a question but a comment. This same thing happened again.

My father objected and asked Marty who was paying for the lessons(?).

*Pencil* There was a need for commas too.

This explanation might help:
Use commas to separate independent clauses when they are joined by any of these seven coordinating conjunctions: and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet. ...

Use commas after introductory a) clauses, b) phrases, or c) words that come before the main clause.

*Pencil* The principal isn't spelled the way you spelled it. It also should not be capitalised unless you add the principal's name to it. Example: Principal Smith.
Principle means something else entirely.

*Pencil* With a little editing this will read a lot better.

*Pencil* please break up your paragraphs more. They are way too long.
*Pencil* Keep each characters dialogue with its own paragraph. I can see you're trying. You'll get it.

Note: Read some of what others did with dialogue. I think the dialogue would make your story stronger.

You have a good story, but it just
needs some editing.

Thanks for the read and keep trying.we all started out finding out what works and what doesn't.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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247
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello RNA aka Bob,


Hey, good thing you didn't see that I accidentally texted aka Bib. Lol

Just a quick one, because it's late here and I will start getting extra silly if I don't just shut my eyes and sleep.


I liked this part:

In the sense that we attribute different names to everything, ignoring how physical differences are superficial, and intrinsic qualities are virtually identical, the bard may have been as much a Buddhist as a playwright. Residing within a rose is the energy of a hydrogen bomb, while likewise, contained in every nuclear warhead is a subatomic packet of seeds from which a thousand forests and a million gardens might be grown. An entire new Earth, or the destruction of an old one.

Perhaps all of us, plus a million-billion galaxies, are little more than the single dream of a sleeping God.

I have to say this below here got me to laugh. Love your examples.

All else within the frame or field-of-view of our dream is fuzzy at best, and little more than shapeless blobs at worst.

Shapeless blobs. Haha.

Dreams anything can happen, good or not so good, but I think it's all about feelings we have and our way of looking at things. I've noticed in my dreams anyway, we don't move our mouths to talk, but somehow message each other telepathically. It's like we can't lie even if we wanted to, either as the other person knows instantly. And we wouldn't since we know that's useless and doesn't serve us we'll in the long run anyway.

I'm guessing it's like another plane of existence with all kinds of probabilities and variables or is that the same thing?

Maybe in it we get to experience something that's not so pleasant and in fact downright ugly. Why we would is beyond me but anyway wed feel the uneasiness and suddenly wake up happy that it wasn't real in the normal send. Whew!

Or something extra special happened in it. We woke up and remembered and smiled, and all day long we can go around being happy.

Just my thoughts.

Thanks for the read.


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Review of Slow Burn  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello RNA aka Bob,

I was just reading this and noticed something. You did the same thing I did in one of my items. This means there's a repeated thought, exact as I can tell anyway. I did this same thing unknowingly.

Here it is, plus it's repeated after the paragraph that starts with. *But were too late. Can you feel it?


Anyway, it can easily be fixed so I'm not awfully worried about it as you write well and cover the topic in your own way.

*Pencil* My reality is one in which regrets, complaints, anger and disappointments have merged into a single and unified form of melancholia. Were I to indulge in such a morass of morosenesses for more than mere moments of time, a return -- an escape -- back to the realms of light and joy should prove difficult indeed

*Pencil* Here's another error--, the dreams we (dreampt) dreamt while awake, which called us to live lives eternal.

This piece is really thought provoking. If we can go by what we read here, w can see you feel very deeply about such things.

It's unfortunate that many can't see where things may go., Yet sometimes I think that whatever's going to happen will regardless if what we do, yet maybe something good comes from something not so good. Maybe it's the errors if our ways? I don't know.

Good read. Explained well. I understand it yet there are a few errors in it, unless I'm seeing double. Please forgive me if that is so. I hate making a big deal over something so small...something that anyone of us could do too.


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Review of The Golden Pool  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello W.D. Wilcox,
I just read. "The Golden Pool"  [13+].

We have an exciting story her unfolding as Mordon lays dying, yet he urges Holiana to go to the Golden Pool. And it is very important that it happens as he is dying.

Once there she faces what could be her own death.

I'm loving what you did here. It is just enough to create quite a visual:

* gurgling in his chest like the purr of a kitten

* doubt crept back into her like a leaking ship.

* tremendous swirl of distortion appeared, destructive as a tornado, and maddening as a swarm of wasps

Very nice imagery, dialogue, and wow, quite and ending to this piece.

I did not see anything that I thought needed changing. It's perfect as is. I'm guessing that this story will continue as we want to see what awaits Holiana.

Good job on this. Thanks for sharing.


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250
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Prodical Son,

This will be my last one for now.

I rather enjoyed this story. I hadn't seen it before, but thought I heard about it somehow. I would have remembered if I had read it because of the strong visuals you shared. Great imagery.

Everything happened in a way that seemed logical, if we allow ourselves to imagine the whole scenario.

I found the last parts amusing and it tied everything together nicely.

*Pencil* I think the word reemergence might need a hyphen-- re-emergence.

As usual an entertains piece.
Thanks for sharing.


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