You have brought tears to my eyes. This is so beautifully done, expressed so well! I guess this has more meaning to me because my brother died from leukemia when he was 12; I was ten. Many of your thoughts were my thoughts back then.
This is an excellent piece that covers tips and pointers from many of our fellow writng.com authors. They are a good reminder of thins we should all keep in mind, as best we can, when we write.
I know this will help me improve as a writer, which is, after all, the main reason we are all here.
This was very well written! I enjoyed your humor and irony in the story!
I especially like your descriptions; your characters came alive for me. My particularly favorite line is:
" Dear Granny, with her half-way cataract eyes that refused to give up on seeing the good in the world."
A good story. You might want to expand on your feelings when yourdaughter was so badly hurt, and how you feel now that she is older and off on her own. Just a thought.
Just a couple of typos that I noticed ( I make them all the time!):
"He was better then [than] what they believed he was."
"My husband and I had been married for 2 years until we had out [our] child."
I think you did a very good job presenting your point of view--very hard to do when you are rhyming! I must say you have given me something to think about, because in a way I agree with you, but I don't like the thought of someone burning it. Too many people have died protecting the freedoms it represents, but the flag itself, as well. You gave me some food for thought!
I did notice just a few typos, though:
"death keel [knell] to freedoms to which warriors commit."
I like this piece, although I must admit I had to read it a second time to figure out the whole story! that is probably my problem more than yours, though--I think it is creative and you did a good job writing it!
Just a couple of typos (I make them all the time!:
into the open [.] I am moved.
This is SO beautifully written--I have tears in my eyes! It is a quietly positive poem; I can feel the emotion as she sees her son and hears his voice one last time.
I especially like the ending:
"Remember mom, I'll always love you, and I'm always with you, I'll never leave you."
And with that he disappeared but now she knew he was her own special angel with her always."
I like your style of wriitng, and the emotiona nd humor that you elicit from your memories of growing up--howyou once thought you two were so different, but how you really are alike.
I especially like:
"He's hit a few bumps along the way, but he's always taken the high road, where the bumps are there to give you a better view. "
Wonderful!
Only one small spacing error:
"M y mom's desperate refrain..."
This is simply beautiful!! I love your words, your thoughts and your sentiments! I had a wonderful relationship with my Dad, too, so I can relate so very well to your message here!
My favorite part is:
"Oh I know you’re out there somewhere,
I keep looking for your star,
So twinkle brightly for me, dad
So I’ll know where, in Heaven, you are."
Beautifully done! You said it all--and so powerfully!
The subject was well chosen fr today, and I, for one, am very glad I had the opportunity to read it!
I especially like:
"I have always been a conglomeration of stars and stripes – red, white, and blue. And although my designs have varied, the intent has not. I was always meant to represent the unification of the many states and people that make up this great nation."
I REALLY like this story!! And, you wrote it so well!
Your descriptions of the river and the scenery were done so well, I felt as though I were right there with you!
And I could just picture the little inchworm making his way up the fish pail, over and over again!
What a lesson we can learn from such creature, one of God's litte creatures!
I really liked the story-- you wrote so descro[tibvely of Megan in the attic, I felt as though I were there, too. I also liked the twist in the plot when megan realizes she had convinced herself that Paige's death had been accidental.
I love this story! God answers our prayers in many different ways. Sometimes our angels are already in our lives, living as our friends.
Well written, especially:
"To see her precious youngsters wolf down their food in next to no time is painful for Sheryl to witness. Yet her soul rejoices at the sight, for she knows that they are no longer hungry."
I think everyone can empathize with this mixture of feelings, which you describe so well.
Great job!
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