Date: 08/09/06
Review for: Vivian Gilbert Zabel
Title of Item: Public Review: Tool or Weapon
Genre: Writing Reviews
Style: Article
How it made me feel/what it made me think of:
Thank you for clarifying every point you made in your article. I have had negative reviewers because they did not agree on theological terms and I have learned to brush it aside. But I know that another would be crushed by some of the reviews I have received. Your title says it all!
Structure Challenges:
None, of course! I like the fact that you indent every paragraph. It makes the reading so much more enjoyable.
Overall Impression:
Thank you for a few more guidelines to add to my own reviewing skills. It really has made me a better writer to review for I find I watch my own writing for the errors I look for in another's work; and catch my own grammatical errors before publishing.
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********************************************** Are you up for the Challenge?
I dare ya! Make that Double Dog Dare You!
"Recreating the Wheel Contest"
**********************************************
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** Image ID #1135743 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1139992 Unavailable **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1118305 by Not Available.
** Image ID #1139158 Unavailable **
********************************************** Are you up for the Challenge? I dare ya! Make that Double Dog Dare You!
"Recreating the Wheel Contest"
**********************************************
** Image ID #1135576 Unavailable **
Overall Impression:
This is an excellent contest to bring together home schoolers from all over the United States and the world if so be it. I home schooled my two children for a short time back in 2004, and finding material to teach with that I could afford was close to impossible. Unfortunately, marketers have found that home schooling is a very profitable business and are charging large amounts of money for educational resources on the net. The internet started on the premise of education by the universities and colleges. A way to share information across many miles for free. Then the military got involved and government agencies were able to share the same information by dialing into another computer. Finally, "the internet" became a playground for anyone with a marketing scheme to make money. That is when the .com became a household name.
Knowlege should never be sold, but shared. Children need to know how to read and write for these skills preceed any other subject they need to learn about. In America, we are guaranteed an education by our constitution. But the quality of the education has been divided into classes and the best has been reserved for the rich. The poor families get the bare minimum of books, supplies and quality of teachers. This is why home schooling is so very important to every family. This is why I champion those who provide educational material for nothing. Yes it is a lot of hard work putting together a lesson plan and teaching children in 2-7 different grades. But it can be done. As a home schooler you can control the quality of education your child gets. You also stop the input of a lot of garbage that kids learn in public schools.
Schools used to be a safe place for children. They are not necessarily safe any more. Especially the poor districts in the inner cities. These schools are battlefields with riots, drugs, gangs and drive by shootings. These children are expected to get an education under a life of survival of the fittest. Food is more important and staying alive is essential. Education falls to the bottom of list of priorities in an environment such as this. This is why I champion home schoolers.
We have the power to change the world through what we teach our children. Their world will be what we leave them for knowledge. If we teach them to teach themselves; how to read, how to write, how to share information, how to teach others, then we leave them a legacy worthy of the word. Home schoolers are the first step in this change.
Lobelia, yes you are truly blessed. I hope you always find the energy to teach your children at home, to teach them to read, write and do arithmetic, to teach themselves and others. This is why I sponsored this contest, and will continue to do so until I run out of funds. You are one of the TRUE Heroes in my book that the world has to offer.
How it made me feel/what it made me think of:
I am not quite sure how or what to think of this, other than it feels painful and sad. I like the style you write in the way it is broken up through out the page is interesting. I'll have to give it another scan for more comments.
How it made me feel/what it made me think of:
You recited the rule incorrectly. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I agree with your tirade to a certain degree. But in a society where all is forgiven for a twenty dollar prayer, then why should one take responsobility for their own actions...my; would that not just make some sense?
Structure Challenges:
I found none.
Overall Impression:
(only my opinion)
Sometimes I wonder if people ever stop to think that maybe the people they screwed over or hurt or killed or...is not going to forgive them. And what if, that's a pretty big IF...their judgement will handed down by and for the one and only SELF. What better person to judge you than yourself. And are you going to forgive you? Something to ponder, aye?
How it made me feel/what it made me think of:
I too entered this contest...did you win? I got third if I remember correctly. I really liked what you came up with for the 5 words that had to be used in the poem. If you get to some day, check out "the power of the wizard" in my port.
Structure Challenges:
Structure was perfect
Overall Impression:
(only my opinion)
Very sad and emotional pen. Your images are vivid, your emotions loud through your words. Please do WRITE ON!
What I really liked:
(only my opinion)
You asked if the writing in blue brought the story of Lady Serenity down too much? Not in any way. For those of us who are abused, this is how we survive our abuse. We escape in any way we can and find ourselves on fantastic journey's of the mind.
What I did not like:
(only my opinion)
I could not find anything I did not like.
How it made me feel/what it made me think of:
Your inner journey reminds me of my many journeys made seeking serenity in the midst of chaos. I have written a series of poems entitled Journey that details a portion of the journeys taken within. These journeys are what made it possible for me to heal and finally break the chain of abuse. Breaking that chain is not an easy thing to do.
Structure:
I found no errors that were obvious in first scan. But the tears in my eyes as I reached the end of blue text, would have made finding errors a bit difficult.
Overall Impression:
(only my opinion)
Keep the blue text there please. The reason abuse continues to happen to children and then to women in adulthood, is because no one wants to talk about it. People in general, feel uncomfortable with discussing it or reading about it. That is why the abuser continues to get away with it. This secrecy aids them in their quest for control and isolation of their victim. It is also the reason why 97% of deaths of women due to violence are committed by men they know and love and have usually been intimate with.
The more we write about our abuse and make others listen and hear what really happens, the more likely we are to stop it and maybe even save a few from abuse or even a very violent death.
What I really liked:
(only my opinion) I can't really find any thing at all that I like, unless you intended this to be sarcastic. Then I find it quite humorous. However...
What I did not like:
(only my opinion)if not then you really do need to reevaluate your principles and values.
How it made me feel/what it made me think of:
If we don't take control and learn to live and give and love unconditonally, there will not be anything left for our kids to learn from.
Structure:
excellent. not one type that I could find.
Overall Impression:
(only my opinion) I hope you are not serious.
What I did not like:
(only my opinion)
Did not find anything to dislike.
How it made me feel/what it made me think of:
Proud to be your friend.
Structure:
zero.
Overall Impression:
(only my opinion)
Your port is starting to look very organized! I am really proud of you and glad you were able to stream line it a bit. Great job, my friend...on the all seeing eye!!
What I really liked:
(only my opinion) Your characters are very believable and I really enjoy the way you get all 'techy' and logical about the dna and chemical make up of the two races.
What I did not like:
(only my opinion)The Chapter numbers did not seem to stand out. But it did not interfere with the story, just the read a bit. Considering this is a draft 'tis expected.
How it made me feel/what it made me think of:
This story reminded me of an Issacc Assimov story, with the robots of dawn, only instead of robots we have martians. It made me want to go to Mars all that much more. (a place I want to visit some day) I really like the character Incubus/Succubus.. Too kewl to be both male and female, and to change at will! HA!
Structure: CHAPTER TWELVE, PARAGRAPH EIGHT, LINE 1, as are these subspecies should be sub-species surrounding you. Brutish but useful. Ghuls are our soldiers, our muscle. I would be what
Overall Impression:
(only my opinion) Either you are a very good at editing or you have a great editor reading your work, because I found nothing but what I mentioned above. I will try to re-read soon to see if I can find any others. So -- When are you going to publish? This is an excellent, interesting read.
What I really liked:
(only my opinion)
The whole entire premis of your story. Thank you for the read.
What I did not like:
(only my opinion)
Could not really find anything to dislike.
How it made me feel/what it made me think of:
It made me think more than feel. I believe we should question everything and never take anything at face value, including what those would have us consider as 'dogma'.
Structure:
Found none
Overall Impression:
(only my opinion)
This drew me in and kept me reading until the end...thank you so very much for the read!
Does feel as if it's an endless Journey, doesn't it? I love your analagy of how we choose our own path in this life of many. Last line in second stanza needs punctuation if you choose to use punctuation in all the other lines of the stanza just to be consistant. Overall I think this is a terrific write ready for a publisher to print! Keep on Writing On!
Initial Impression: The setting made me think of a Issac Asimov "Robots of Dawn" book in the many part series he generated over the years.
What I liked about your pen: I like the visuals in this first chapter, they really grab hold of the reader and keep you reading until all the words run out! lol! Great trailer on the end, keeps them coming back for more!
Structural Issues: 16th paragraph, line 9, check the grammer of the word "incredible faster" also used incredible again in line 11. Watch word repetition. This story is just too good to be bothered by structural issues.
Final Thoughts: I like your character's, your subject matter and your visuals are excellent! Please do Write On! right on! Write On! (I was going to rate this 4 stars due to repetition of words, but like someone told me once, your execution was exemplary!)
I like the rhyme and metric meter to this one. Check your spelling on the word cense though, (sorry - kind of distracting) I love the depth you delve into and how you come back around to "I don't sleep any more"
Write On!
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