Is it still possible to use points to offset some of the membership cost? I'd like to relinquish 1,380,000 points for continued premium membership. Thanks.
I hope I'm posting in the right place. This was fun. I'm a lousy reviewer, so discount all I say. Also, I cheat. I used ProWritingAid, which I use for all my writing. You have the same difficulty I have with commas. Don't use enough, use too many. So, any advice I would give would be 'do as I say, not as I do.' PWA found 22 'grammar' mistakes. Most of the were commas. If you don't have a copy of PWA, I recommend it. It is not perfect. I had difficulty with "the A team". It wanted either or. Still, it catches a lot of the silly mistakes, but must not be taken literally.
I was going to quote some of the PWA 'critique'. Apparently, I used up my allotment for today and didn't save what it said. Basically, it liked what you wrote and how you wrote. I agree. It was a fun read. They wanted more descriptions and more character development, but what do they know? If you want to perfect this (not possible, there will always be something) go back and add a few comments. Otherwise, leave it alone and go on to something else.
Looking for beta readers. Would like you to be between 68 and 74 and were colored by the 60s. Were in college and did all the things we weren't supposed to do - protest, march, drink, smoke, and listen/dance to great music. If interested and have an Amazon account, I can make it free (PayPal account would work, too). My story (serial - 8 books so far) is about two 66 yo (circa 2012) who find love for the first time. If interested, I can send the link. Otherwise, hi.
Too much extraneous detail - brown front paw. Who cares? Slows things down.
"Well shaped knees"?
While character development is not as important in an action story, you are putting your detail in the wrong place. You are stopping the action. "She took off her bra and threw it on the floor. Then she sat on top of the table.
With his thumb, he moved her panties down. His body slowly following that motion and his head at the same level as her pussy... he caressed her thighs and legs with a firm grip.
Then he licked her. His tongue and mouth were sucking in her fragrance.
For minutes they were silent, both enjoying their play." This does little to advance the story or give us insight into the characters. It's superficial.
Hmmm...not getting a good sense of time. For 500 years, not much has changed. You mention Covid-19. In 500 years, it will be something else. Also, a Mercedes AMG GT? You think we will still have cars in 500 years? Struggling with POV. Is is third-person omniscient or are we head hopping? Omniscient is a good way to go, but keep it constant. I could be wrong here. I find it difficult to follow and to care.
Thank you for your insights and advice. My particular problem is reaching my target audience of Seniors. Have scratched FB off the list, after adding Bookbub. Still need to look at Google and Amazon. Again, thanks.
A fun read. Nice to find poetry with some thought to structure/rhyme. Nice story with a 'happy' ending. No concept as to what is good poetry, only if I enjoy it. This I enjoyed, thanks.
Thank you, I'm still smiling. I'm 'old school', meaning I haven't developed an appreciation for free verse. It is refreshing to find structure, and metre (probably have that wrong, but I think you know what I mean) in a poem. Cute story, too. I'm ideologically indisposed to give 5 star ratings, but this is worth 4.5, just for the few minutes of pleasure it brought. Feel free to provide more. After this review, I'll visit your 'site'. Again, thanks.
Thanks, you had me when you mentioned Frost. Sad story, well told. Surprised when you closed with Ken, thought your narrator was a woman. Glad to make your aquaintance.
Clever, my first exposure to 'storoem'. I like it -- both concept and execution. Not too much to add, since I'm not familiar with the mechanics, but I like the story and the way you told it. Not a fan of free verse (playing tennis without a net), so once I figured out what you were doing I was intrigued. You captured my interest. Thanks for a pleasant diversion.
Not sure I understand it, but I like it. Think it has to do with 'mature/lasting' love v. initial/intense 'first' love. "Sapling birthed seed no defeat" illudes me. Well crafted. Especially like the closing couplet. Thanks.
How to be respectful and encouraging and still be honest? Some of what you say is true, some is not. I count ten paragraphs.
1. We will die. We smoke less than our parents. We eat more than we should. We eat better than our parents. We don't exercise enough. We exercise more than our parents, but our jobs require less manual input. I could go on.
2.We should have universal healthcare. My generation took the first step. We pushed for the EPA. Remember 'acid rain', smog, Lake Erie, Love Canal?
3.It was a good time, full of promise. Then came drugs and Kent State, and Nixon.
4. Social Security is not bankrupt. Not sure what the "Hollywood Disease" is. Pretty sure we're still making cars.
5. Our parents built the malls and the "ticky tacky". We didn't like it either, but both make economic sense. Well, it did back then.
6. Not sure how to answer this. There was a vision, but it wasn't shared.
7. Think you've got the wrong generation here.
8. See #7, though it has a spokesman who shared our space, but not our values. Regrettably, we are not all Bernies.
9. And?
10. Not all of us. See #8.
Gave it one star, due to structure and content. Honesty trumps encouragement. I tried to stay respectful.
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