Great work. The imagery and pathos were well executed. The word count and time limit on the for the contest are tough - I know from personal experience. The emotional voice pushes the tale relentlessly, accomplishing your goal: a life lost before its actual ending.
Keep writing!
Great work. I was unfamiliar with the form, but the rhythm works by the syllabic poem standards you mentioned. The word choice and imagery are excellent. Overall I love the piece for its evocative nature in the concise constraints of the form.
Keep writing.
I really liked this poem. It works as poetry, and as does the imagery and word choice. Capturing the spirit of the achievement of the famous scenes and the plaque "...in Peace for all Mankind." as well as Armstrong's manual and mental feat in landing.
Great work and keep writing!
Great piece. I love the theme and execution (as a fan of Alice since childhood) The word choice and flow of the work are well done, and the inclusion of the bit of history as to the madness of hatters is well handled. There is not enough nonsense in the world. Keep writing!
Good piece. Word choice and flow well maintained - chosen structure and rhyme well executed. The theme is a tough on for any poet to execute without seeming self indulgent and you have manage to elevate your theme. Good work and by all means keep writing!
Great work. The theme is well supported by the content. Word choice and flow work as well to execute the theme. I tend to agree as well as to the notion of rebutting the witch hunts of revisionist historians trying eighteenth century men by the political correctness of the modern era.
Keep writing!
Great Piece. The reflection on the lost moment of magic is a wonderful use of word choice and rhythm to explore the topic at hand. I find this kind of philosophical poetry to be a delight - and know from experience the cost of paring words and continuing the theme like a magic vision in your chosen theme.
Keep writing.
Great work. I have always been an admirer of the kind of discipline required for the oriental forms. I have a love for the true haiku - with exploration of nature and mankind's interaction with it. To me the best definition of poetry involves saying the most clearly with the least words.
Keep Writing!
great work. The word choice and flow works well with your theme. The imagery emphasizes the emotional content of piece and paints a bleak, but clear emotional state, complete with the ambivalence of the narrator about her part in the story, A powerful piece in few words, one of the definitions of poetry.
Keep writing!
Great work- word choice and flow work well in the poem and the scene portrayed is clear and complete. The imagery works well in conveying a time and place completely. This work is very reminiscent of Japanese poetry of nature - like haiku.
Excellent work, I look forward to more of your work.
Keep writing
Great work. I liked the word choice and word play involved. The flow of the piece is well executed creating imagery which enhance the work. The conciseness of the work reflects toughest part of poetry - saying what you mean clearly in carefully chosen words.
Keep writing!
I really liked the flow of this piece. Its reality is all too obvious - everyone has known the kind of manipulator described, so the build up of the humor of the piece carries right through to the final gesture of the invitation. Humor is always tough but it works here great.
I liked the piece for its flow of thought. It built a solid picture of the character- her strengths and her fears in an understated way. In a condensed style that is almost poetic it paints a portrait more clearly than a lot of extra words might just confuse.
Keep writing!
A good start. You established the cast of characters quickly and added information to describe the personality of each. The several events described work to move the action forward and expand the knowlege of those involved. I personally reread my stuff to add details and to correct grammar etc.
But definitely Keep Writing!
Good work. I liked the tone and word choice you used in the poem. I especially liked the crafting of the claustrophobic feeling of the emotional state being expressed. Poetry is all about these things and careful word choice to keep the impact and feeling you're trying to convey. Don't be afraid of editting your work if you come up with a better word or line.
But definitely - Keep Writing!
Good work. I enjoyed the combination of annoyance with the place and its failings with personal failings. Keeping things humorous as well as maintaining the story's flow and tension is tough but it is well done here. No specific suggestion except to keep writing.
Great work. Word choice and rhythm are good. The imagery is excellent carrying the narrative of love and loss. Overall impact is exceptional. The careful word use and expression of mood and reaction are strong carrying the theme of the strength given and recieved in love.
Keep writing!
Great work. I like the imagery and flow of this piece. It has a poetic intensity about it. The stream of consciousness style works well for you in the this description of discovering love. Overall impact is high and successful in theme and execution.
Keep writing.
Great Work. Word choice and rhytm work well. Rhymes are unforced. The imagery carries the work along and developes the theme well. The overall impression and impact of the poem is strong and effective in portraying the idea of a loving realationship.
Keep Writing!
Great work. The rhythm and word choice work well building the theme. The overall theme itself is well executed -as you express it knowing the important treasures in life or internal, whether emotional or spiritual. A lesson most people learn too late in life it at all.
Keep Writing!!
Excellent work. The child's point of view was well handled. For those of us who heard those stories when we were childres understand what these men did and as we get older what it cost them. I remember my Dad's stories about being a WWII Ranger.
Keep Writing!
Great work! Word choice and rhythm work well. The narrative flow is extremely successful. I found the theme and execution that any parent can appreciate. The expression as a promise/prayer is a wonderful way to express the conduct of an honorable life to which a parent can aspire to accomplish.
Excellent overall impact.
Keep writing!
Great work. Word choice and rhythm work well. The imagery is the great strength of the work. The overall impact is excellent. The minimal size of the work is a great credit to the concept of poetry as a careful condensation of experience.
Keep Writing
Great work. Word choice and rhythm work well to maintain the flow of the narrative. The imagery is wonderfully evocative, it speaks of a kind of time and place long gone which needs to be remembered, and captures the true feeling of celebration in the memory. Overall a successful work.
Keep writing!
Good work. The story developement is handled well. The juxtaposition of the three characters in that place is in the best traditon of the science fiction short story. The overall impact works well in your restrict word counting format.
Keep writing!
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