I sort of stumbled into your port by chance ... it's been some years since we did an Endureview together. Or was it the Veronica Port thingy where three of us teammates with you as the leader did an astonishing number of reviews and got the first prize?
Anyway, things have moved on since then. The title "Adult themes" of your folder intrigued me and so here I was, inside that folder and read off all the titles of your stories. This is the one that drew me in. I am glad that I did, for the story is really well-written, is believable and is perfect!
I understand that you are now suffering from kidney failure ... any way, I shall always pray for you. Be well and be blessed.
Thank you for having such a grand forum and group around here. You have an amazing number of members! Would you mind adding one more name? If there is no problem from your end, may I request to be allowed to join?
Namaskar. Happy Friendship Day. I cam to this poem through a link on my writing.com login page as an item by authors presently online. How lucky I am to reach you when you are online, and to read something no one has rated before. After reading the first stanza, I recognised your signature style and looked up to see your name as the author! Ha ha.
This is a very nice poem of reminiscences, and indeed, when friends meet, they often discuss their previous romances. But, for two friends meeting after a long time to straightaway talk about college-day romances ... wow, they must have been strongly motivated! Was it a special day? That fact did not come out so strongly.
All in all, a good poem ... could have been made a lot more emotional if the motive for such a discussion was brought out, maybe through a few additional lines.
Please bear with me. Although this is a short poem, I have to it carefully as I am planning to give you a hopefully helpful review.
Okay. First out, congratulations on being a close observer of mundane-looking events. Everyone cannot see Santa Claus, but they can be shown one by others who are more perceiving than them. This is exactly what you have done. You have allowed others to see with YOUR eyes, using YOUR imagination and re-telling.
I have a few suggestions. I have taken the liberty of re-composing a few lines:
Line 2: Oh, how slowly do they row.
Line 6: Putting on a rhythmically pleasing show
Line 8: How wildly do they throw.
Line 10: Romances that will surely grow.
Aside of these minor suggestions, which you are free to ignore if you do not want them, I think the poem is really good.
This is such a heartfelt inspirational account of a mother through a grown-up child's eyes. When we are younger, we often misunderstand our parents' motives for not being there when we need them; little do we realise that we are missing them and they are working so as to make our futures better! I have known children who have not even looked at their mothers with love when she/they return home after an exhausting day's work. I really pity these children - for they are going to feel remorse later in their lives, as sure as the fact that the sun rises every day.
You have written a very good account of your mother, the teacher. But, I tell you, ALL mothers are special. They do so much for their own children. Every mother is a teacher and a mother rolled into one.
I appreciate your essay very much. I am just wiping my eyes, recalling my mom now.
Reminiscences of this kind can only be uplifting to the writer as well as the readers. You have done a hell of a good job in telling a story that could have got caught in the fishing jargon, but did not, owing to your simple and clear telling of it. Truth, they say, is always easier to say than fiction, and your story proves that in ample measure.
The ending of the story was remarkable, in that it demonstrated all so clearly that what goes around, comes around in equal measure. You just missed putting the last line in quotation marks, and that, and a few very minor errors took away from the perfect nature of this item. However, I congratulate you on creating a very knowledgeable story -- and making it entertaining as well.
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P.S. I am doing this review as a part of a task for the ""AUTHORS' SPOTLIGHT - Season 6" ". Kindly acknowledge the review and oblige!
I came to this item through your portfolio's blog, where it was listed. I am quite eager to get accepted for the next round as a participant, and very keen to know just what the activities are going to be. Additionally, I would like to say that this was a very, very interesting set-up for a blog. One of those rare occasions on WDC where a blog has a brief bio, a picture and so many other things! Loved it.
Write On!
P.S. I could discern that you have some physical medical problem that incapacitates you ... but could not discover what it was. Hope you stay well.
Greetings from the Team leader of team India. Gone through your poem. You have given this very depressing picture a completely novel twist, I must say. And highlighted some of the important landmarks and activities of Australia and Australians too. Great poem, and here's wishing you all the best in the contest.
I am a fellow competitor on Project Write World. I represent and lead Team India. your take on the prompt and the essay are both innovative and very coherent. Your personal views are also very sanguine and have a sound of reality about them. I think you have done good research on the very real problem of home-aloners. I liked your logical statements a lot. Perhaps a few sound-bites from some home-aloners may have looked good in the essay, but then, they aren't required, are they? Wish you good luck in the contest.
Redemption comes to each of us in different ways. It is only from unredeemed mistakes that we learn to become better individuals and can hone our mettle to be stronger and more human in our behaviour and traits.
It was a good poem, no doubt. There were no spelling mistakes or any errors of any kind. I liked the rhythm and the meter too. The message - of your being unable to say sorry to your deceased mom - however, got diluted among the sounds of crickets and various other peripheral issues. This is the only reason for giving you a 3.5. Try and convert this poem into a more crisp and short version - with no words being superfluous.
Also, why is there a link to another website at the bottom? Please remove it!
Thank you for a brilliantly done story for the May round of PWW. Kindly make this item "Group Only" with "Group Edit allowed" in the next box while editing. Your story is fantastic, as is the nice idiomatic English, your use of WritingML and your excellent sense of humor and timing. I haven't rated you a five because there are several slip ups...but as biblio felt, so do I. It seems to measure up to the needed level.
alas, you have to chop off nearly 25% of it, as the word limit is 3000 words.
Interesting encounter indeed, and ahead of the times when mothers and children were never rendered asunder in their entire lives. We have more or less that same, thousands of years old, system in the vast majority of India. However, in urban environs, this kind of scenario is indeed a high possibility, what with the spawning of fertility clinics, in vitro fertilisation, surrogacy, and what not!
Good story for a 55-word prompt. I know what difficulties there are in trying to wrap up a story in such a small paragraph! In view of that, you have done a good job indeed. The arrival of the person from the hallway into a room already darkened for the night has been vividly described. I could see how the child must have withdrawn even further into her blanket or whatever it was that she was attired in.
This is a reasonably well-written entry for katherine76's 99-word challenge based on the pictorial prompt of a pair of chorus-line dancing girls. You have given a good outline of a story of someone who is stuck doing a job that she doesn't really like, but is forced to do it for the liability of a son that she has. Good luck on the contest.
P.S. Do change the small "v" to a capital "V" in the word Vegas.
At the very outset, while this, I realised that I was in the same boat as the main character! I live in India, a tropical country, in a city that has never seen temperatures below 10 degrees celsius, and this too happened only this year, in 2007-08 winter!
I am not too confident Alabama won't see snow! That is because there are bound to be hotter summers and colder winters as the years go by. Who knows, you just might see snow in Alabama within the next ten yrs or so!
On the whole, this was a good poem. It was free verse, okay, but what it lacked was cadence and rhythm. It looked more like a narrative in text that was broken up to make it look like a poem. You probably like it the way it is, but it definitely needs a lot more attention and tweaking for it to rise above the "average".
By the way, there was one typo: in line 28, stanza 7, the word "by" seems out of place, and is probably meant to be "my".
This is so uplifting, so real, so truely from the heart and so correct in every way, that I HAD to give it a top rating! WDC does do a lot of positive things to people. It really does not matter that the person we are interacting with is senior or junior to us, less or more educated, male or female, etc etc as you put it so eloquently. We all are writers and we all share the same passion: we all want to improve our writing and we all need help from our friends here to tell us where we went wrong (if we did!). The GPs and awards matter A LOT and this is all thanks to the inventiveness of our beloved S M and S Ms.
Thank you for putting into words what all of us at WDC mean when we surf and enjoy this site!
Both the person who sent you the critique, and your response to it, deserve full marks. Not just for writing well, but for writing with the correct perspective. You, sir, have outdone yourself with this reply to ABC. I have no doubt in confirming that you have a way with words and logic.
It's been some time since I visited your port! This is a wonderful poem. I loved the metaphorical allusion to a flower swaying amidst its leaves. I have a couple of dodoitsus in my port as well ... do visit my port and check them out!
Welcome to the ** Image ID #1407692 Unavailable ** review! I am Taher and I am here with patience and focus to read and review this beautiful Nature poem written by you! The last word of each stanza adds pizazz and a snappy introduction to the next stanza. There is suspense, and the reader holds his/her breath to learn what happens next. Even though the action is as common as, say, leaves falling off a tree in autumn, your words liven it up and make it look as if it is being staged as a performance for the awed viewer!
I enjoyed the third stanza the most, as its final word allows the reader to shift his/her focus from the attacker to the prey for the first time! In a single word, you build a powerful image of a hawk swooping down on an unsuspecting mouse/rat/rodent with the intention of killing it for food.
This is a good poem on the winter prompt. I liked it better than your first one. The journey of a particle of snow down to the earth is well depicted. I would have loved to have Mother Earth described a little more benignly than being referred to as "deep black", but doesn't matter. Your poem is definitely above average, and a likely contender for winning a prize!
Wonderful! You have faithfully reproduced all the elements of a good haiku. Your form and structure are good, as is the meaning and the intent of the poem. The syllabic count is a bit off, but it doesn't matter as the poem is lovely.
At the outset, let me say that your form and structure are good. What is missing is the presentation of the seasons by implication. You are telling us that winter is about to recede and spring is about to make its presence felt. You have to show us this, not tell it factually.
I would advise you to read the Poetry newsletter released today. It is edited by Kate - Writing & Reading and tells us what haikus are all about.
Wow. I loved the way the story evolved from a descriptive one to one laden with drama and dialogue! I also liked your short description: in fact , that is what drew me to your item. I am glad I did, for the write-up was really good. It may have some very minor grammatical errors, but all in all, it is an excellent piece of work, with the right amount of drama and suspense. The end, though, wasn't entirely unexpected, since you had already added the genre "supernatural" to the story. Why not remove that genre to increase the suspense about who that man might be?
Permit me to welcome you into the world of WDC. I know I invited you to join, and have not had the time to visit your port until today.
This poem is a sweet attempt at describing what happens during the night. You have shown how the poet slept through it all. Maybe, you could have made the poet wake up somewhere near the end and take it all in, for a magical realisation of the beauty of the night.
The inversions of words that you have done at a couple of places seem to be contrived to get a rhyme. Far be it for me to tell you how to write, but why don't you read and write more on this site to learn the art of writing?
Thank you for creating the two items in your port. Write On!
Hi, man. This is a very good work of verse, and I congratulate you for writing it so well. Your description of Death as an eternal "She" is a completely new viewpoint, as down the ages, Death has always been depicted in the masculine gender. I liked your euphemism of a final kiss that represents death.
I rather felt that her insistence of being the ONLY person to be loved by all humans - was not so believable, but again, that is a refreshing way of looking at the Personified Death.
Thank you for writing this verse. Write On!
Join Team India (see the link below)
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it carefully as I am planning to give you a hopefully helpful review.
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