Congratulations on being featured in the Poetry newsletter. This is a good poem indeed. You have gradually increased the tension and the tempo of the poem, and the result is a beautiful, well-written poem within the ambit of a general, humdrum experience.
I did not follow the acronym "FPL", and will await your input on the same.
Terrific poem. Congratulations on having this featured in the weekly Poetry newsletter! I loved the way you reminded the reader to re-read the poem to discover new nuances and meanings. However, to be honest, at least with your poem, I discovered nothing new on the re-reading
How true! You have, quite literally, hit the nail on the head with this nomination. Your description of Jessie is, by any standard, factual and not at all tainted by your personal relations with her. I commend you on this, and wholly support your action!
Thank you for writing this interesting tale based on the "Twister prompt" of katherine76 and for sharing it with us. The story is probably based on truth, as your telling of it, without any embellishments, sounds so real and at the same time, believable.
Perhaps if we had a few more boxes, we could send more than one request through the same survey-submission. other than that, Madame, this is a perfect way to let members request for more costumicons and merit badges.
Exquisite story! I loved the way you described the annoying friend who prances around in the guy's head and creates problems for him wherever he goes and whatever he does. Your POV was perfect and the narration was good too. Perhaps a bit of spacing between episodes and lines might make this item more readable and easy on the eye.
Great work again, Debbie. I think most reviewers follow the very same scale of ratings, but to put it down like this needs inventive, nay, systematic thinking (something that I, sadly, do not possess ).
I was wondering if you can maybe assign half stars? No, I think not. But no harm in asking, is there?
Again, I commend you for laying down your methodology in black and white (and blue and red and green too, LOL ). Your system of differentiating between comments, criticism or correction and grammar is lovely. I think I will copy it into my reviews too ... that is, if you don't have a copyright over it!
This is a fine activity indeed. I am really amazed to see such a large group of people working together to make new and rising talent noticed among the other members of WDC. In a way, every person who writes is a star in her/his own right. Rising or falling ... that's for the individual to decide.
I have been on WDC since over five years, and I really wish this kind of activity had existed then ... as I am sure I would have received the boost I needed at that point.
Thank you for your hard work and for a very rewarding activity, both for the givers and for the receivers.
Hi. I was just browsing the items list from those online and came upon this one. You are a gifted writer, you know? Your use of an interactive dialogue to display a rare idea of someone climbing and jumping on walls only to do a headstand was really hilarious!
A few suggestions:
He tore his gaze away from it's dispassionate end ... remove the apostrophe from the "it's".
Make "olive skinned" a hyphenated word. So is "back flipped".
Your explanation below the poem has made me rate this at 5.0. I must say that all the comments that you have made in reply to the anonymous reviewer are bang on the dot. They are coherent and sanguine. The poem itself: Although it has a rhyme and a meter, it lacks rhythm and a certain sense of the poetical about it. Your use of exact names like "Saddam Hussain" and "WMD" etc. make this a very dry item to read. However I fully agree with the substance of the poem. Good work!
At the outset, I want to say this: you are too systematic to believe that you are of this world! You have painstakingly removed items from a book, made them into fresh items, linked to all of them in another item that requests readers to rate and review them! Wonderful!
This poem is hard-hitting, and like your other items, it is your credit that you can write so honestly and hit the bull's eye.
Like your critic, I too feel that the use of "bushman" is out of place in this poem.
This is so perfectly rhymed and metered that I am amazed at it. I found that a few ideas did not gel well with the mood of the item. Why would a parting be referred to as a "trust unkept", for example? I did not understand the use of the word "too" in the second stanza.
The reference to Shelley seems a bit abstruse to me. why bring him in unless you wish to point out his prowess at writing love poems? If that be the intention, the reference is fine.
You did a great job of the cramp prompt and spun an easy-going, believable tale. I was a bit miffed since the point-of-view kept shifting from humans to snake and back to humans. This sort of took out the top rating that I would have otherwise given. Your use of the green colour for the entire item was inspirational!
Wonderful. In one word, it sums up your idea and its execution, both. You have written a flawless cramp item, although Writer's cramp permits grammatical errors as well. Congratulations on winning the first prize!
At the outset, let me commend you for the tour-de-force with which you keep churning out socially relevant poems for the man of today, and of tomorrow!
In this poem, you have addressed mankind's folly very aptly. Congratulations on the same. You need to change "you'are" to "you are" or "you're". Other than that, there aren't any mistakes.
Thank you for extending an invitation to read your poems through your invitation item. I find the poem above to be quite romantic and well-written. It has a good rhyme, an okay rhythm and an excellent opening and resolution.
This is a very innovative way to attract reviews from WDC members! Although there are some creations here that date back 4-5 years, I think by far the majority of them are recent. Have you tried advertising this item in the classifieds or plugged it on the plug page?
I am reviewing a few poems, let us see how they are!
! What a nice story on the pirates theme. I hope you win the prize as the story is really humorous. I liked the way you described both the pirates and their antics. However, I personally felt that the story was not strictly following the prompt. Weren't we supposed to write on pirates? And, don't pirates still exist (inthe flesh) in the US Department of Treasury and Internal Revenue??
This is a good take on the prompt! I admire your touch with reality and your final denouement on the life of the modern-day pirate. They say that money never is free, and one has to work hard to earn it, whether legitimately or illegally, and your 99-words endorse this fact all too clearly.
It was indeed a devilish turn of the prompt that made you write this wonderful item for the Writer's cramp! I wonder if you created a blank blue screen in your port just so that it showed up in your story. If so, I congratulate you on showing such inventiveness! I found the story well-written and with hardly any mistakes, although the cramp overlooks errors of grammar and such.
Did you know that RN in the West means a "registered nurse"? . Welcome to writing.com, and I hope that you have an equally enjoyable stay here as I have been having for over five years. It appears that you too are an Indian. In that case, a double welcome to you.
About your story. It reads more like a school report. The tension and drama of such a dramatic tale are missing. I could not feel any sympathy for the victims, and likewise, any anger for the "master". Try and tell the story like a story. Include emotions within dialogue. I am not interested in knowing the names of all the five friends. Rather, it may be more interesting to know a little more about Mallika's interaction with the narrator.
Do revert to me after you have revised the tale, and I will be happy to re-read/re-review it.
This was a truly heartwarming story. I am so sorry that God had to take him away. May His soul rest in ?Eternal Peace.
On the merits of the story, you have so succinctly laid out his best qualities in the tale. I doubt if I could do that if there came upon me a need to eulogise someone.
Good writing. Keep it up.
P.S. Do correct the spelling of "everyday" at one place where the "Y" has got dropped inadvertently.
Hello, and welcome to writing.com, the largest site for writers and readers on the net. I just read your story. It is a well-imagined take on vampires. I only hope that the next time you get a chance to edit, please run this through a spell check and rectify all the wrong spellings. The word bartender is a single word. There are, in addition, several errors of grammar and syntax that need your attention.
The point of conflict and the resolution of the same were very nicely done. In the final sentence, the tense suddenly changed from past to present. I point this out to you so that you take the time to alter the construction of the sentence, as also other similar sentences with mixed tenses.
Another thing: the story of vampires is an old one with some stated rules and general form of behaviour. You seem to forget that once a vampire sucks the blood of a victim, that victim, in turn, becomes one of their own: thus, logically, there should have been several more vampires in the town.
I also did not understand why you mentioned that Khwaja had not seen a full moon in a long time. How did he then come to the pub to drink? With his eyes blindfolded?
Lastly, the dialogue is quite silly at some points. Do try and redefine it . For example, the line >>Your death could be more painful then the limits of the word pain itself<< sounds like a cheap dialogue from a second grade Bollywood movie.
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). Your system of differentiating between comments, criticism or correction and grammar is lovely. I think I will copy it into my reviews too ... that is, if you don't have a copyright over it!
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