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348 Public Reviews Given
483 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm a serious reviewer, which is why I charge so much. I won't waste your time. I focus on consistency and content, utilizing a review template that breaks down the basic elements of; perspective, verb tense, ambiance, location, transition, plot development, and characterization.
I'm good at...
Breaking down the elements of your story and giving you specific items to focus on.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy; Sci-fi; Drama; Action/Adventure; Crime/Gangster; Detective; Gothic; Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Adult; Biography; Articles; Cultural; Non-Fiction; How To; Research
Favorite Item Types
Short Story; Chapter; Draft; Novel; Novella; Sample; Serial
I will not review...
Anything Non-Fiction
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by Joshiahis
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very good story. I can honestly say that because family stories aren't my thing. The story flowed well and ended well.

Two small grammar errors within the story.
"Life as Maria knew it was
perfect till HE arrived." [Looks like you hit the return key early but I think it's the website's interface playing with you.]
"...furiously in the air .Maria...
77
77
Review by Joshiahis
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratz on making the newsletter! I said to myself, "Well, I guess I can read the prologue like I promised since it's in the newsletter."

I hate the gods. It's not your gods or your writing. It's just my extreme disdain for the ficklenes of mythological gods in general. I hope your hero lives long enough to kill a few of them. Well, I suppose I should actually review the prologue.

Your prologue is faster than most I've read or written. That's hard to do. You get a bonus for that. Since I read all your other chapters BEFORE the prologue, I have a deeper appreciation for the scene as a whole and I can see how important the game is to hero's journey. I liked the way you described your gods. A brief description was really all we needed to get the idea of who's good and who's evil and who's neutral.

Edrick seems to have some ulterior motive. (at least that what it seems to me. I've been wrong before) You slipped the extra intrigue about this particular god well, and I would not have caught it had I not re-read the prologue. I am left with a sense that this guy is up to something and the I probably won't find out until the end of the book.

All in all, the flow was balanced and I found no spelling or grammer errors (but we dont get that fancy red or green line like in Word so I might have missed one). You get a five because prologues are hard to write.
78
78
Review of Ode to 9/11  
Review by Joshiahis
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I liked your poem. I am not a poem guy so I can't really review your work with any level of expertise. I dont even like poetry. But I remember sitting at home petrified. I found the part of your poem that related to me and mine. That's really was I was looking for.

Now that I reread it, I guess that I can say that it feels real. You didnt try to sound commercial. You even cheated little, the beats dont match from line to line (like I said, Im not a poetry guy. I dont know what the poetry people call the rhythm of a poem). Some people may point that out as a flaw of the poem, but I respect writing that "sounds" authentic more than writing that sounds typical.

You can have your GP's back. I'm not going to take points for a 9/11 work.
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Review by Joshiahis
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I may be a fantasy fan but I love action. Nothing like waking up from nightmares to fight ek-tak's. It was also a great way to learn more about the depth of the hero. You can tell that Theminor is special because he has the presence of mind to shake off the battle lust typical of most Barbarians and use his head.

"A grim smile graced his lips. He knew the conclusion to his battle was foregone and he would be the victor."

The last sentence switches from Theminor's perspective to Margor's. I couldn't help but thinking, "how did Theminor know what Margor was thinking?" I know the chapter was supposed to be from Theminor's point of view. This one sentence throws the illusion off for a brief moment as we are forced to try see the world from the eyes of character we don't know (or care since he dies later) about.

The burial scene gives a lot of insight into Theminor's beliefs, his tenacity, his sincerity, his discipline. You begin to understand why he survivied even though you dont know much about his dead companions.
80
80
Review by Joshiahis
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like the pace of the story. No long, boring introduction that points out the characters traits, or the land, or the village. He's on a quest, passage to manhood, father was a warrior, mother was a craftsman, going south with older friends, loves his long sword, north is dangerous...now let's go.
I didnt follow the Follow-The-Leader part. I know what it means, but I couldnt relate it to a Barbarian ... unless Barbarians from Radik actually play Follow-The-Leader...Im not sure.

I really like the part about appeasing the sea's appetite. It added a little more desperation to the whole scene.

The chapter closes well. We learn more about Theminor and his culture but not so much that it puts us to sleep. It makes you want to continue. (Perhaps later, I should be working right now)
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