|Hey Octavius How goes it? Okay, so I like the way you keep Drake in his foul mood all through the food fight scene. But I had to reread to realize who Tomis was. I would have made some kind of reference as to who he was a refresher since he's not a main character, something like, 'The innkeeper, Tomis, came up from behind the group' something like that would be a good refresher, I was a little lost at first.
"A few hours later, Drake sits at one of the tables alone. He arches forward with his toffee palms flat on the outer surface of the round, oak table." You just mentioned a couple of paragraph something about his toffee hands, at the risk of sounding repetitive, I don't think you really need another adjective to describe his hands.
Okay, so I like everything you did in the first part of the chapter, the dialog was sound and your characters are still breathing a life of their own. I pictured a more old-western style setting here, broken down buildings and dust everywhere. Now, this may be answered in later sections or even chapters, but if Ryzor can find Drake at any time, then why hasn't he done so already? and it also looked like he was going to take the crew out right there, how is it that just the old man was able to stop him, by the way, I like him, he's got balls! lol. now on to part 2.
Your fight scene with Kevin was good, but something is missing, try putting some more emotion into it, remember these two have fought alongside each other for a long while now, they've been helping each other through the hard times and enjoying the good times, Kevin would have never reconnected with Maria if it weren't for drake. How would he react to seeing a long-standing friendship perish like this, I think both of them would be in tears. Kevin, for the loss of friendship and what his best friend's grandmother did, and Drake for the loss of his best friend and for what his own grandmother did. And anger, which you portrayed very nicely here. I think this would also add a bit more depth to your already well-crafted characters.
In the second sentence of your first paragraph, you use the word 'treak' and I had to look it up, I still don't know what it means because I couldn't find a match, and I can't see any kind of misspelling that would make any sense to me.
The third part was short and sweet, casting a controlled web of doubt about Drake's intentions was a good choice, and I even feel that someone with that kind of power should never go unchecked.
You definitely left us on a cliffhanger here! I am sure to read your next chapter. Again, the only thing I would do is add another emotional tag or two, he tears up at the loss of Maria and his friendship for now. Your good with anger and sorrow and pain, I'm good with sadness, loneliness, which I'm sure Kevin's feeling all alone right now, and heartbreak, which he also feels, I think.
All-in-all, I think you pulled off one of your amazing chapters once again, the biggest thing I see is your emotional tags. Just a few more could make your characters and the situations more believable. Other than that, nice job of freeing Debra, though I do hope she comes back on her own and see's that maybe he's not all that bad, after all he needs to grow on her for when she fully realizes that he's the last male dragon she can mate with, and dragons mate for life? right? anyway, sorry, I'm just excited to read your next chapter.