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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dunkelhetstern
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793 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Felix  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Good evening percy goodfellow and Happy Saturday. I'm Grateful Jess and I'll be reviewing Felix. Please remember that this is only my opinion; feel free to take it or leave it.

First Impressions:
I feel like this is a rough draft to a longer short story or a novel.

Overall Thoughts:
Felix seems disjointed and that's why I said that in the first impression. I don't get a sense of narrator, I don't get a sense of what he looks like, where he lives, the city or suburb he lives in, though you hinted he could possibly be poor. You really need to expand upon that because I think it would make Felix a fuller, richer story.

There are moments where there are sentence fragments and like you didn't finish your thoughts. For example:

My latest one’s named Felix…, before I found out he was a she. Felix has a white moustache that looks like a handle bar worn by some foreigner.
Why the ellipsis? I think you really need to finish a thought or expand upon something.

Ever see a cat eat a mouse whole…? Talk about gross…Damndest thing you ever wanted to see.
Same issue... I'm very confused by these two thoughts.

I think if you tie up these two fragments, it would make the story clearer.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Write on! Enjoy the Writing.com birthday celebration! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good morning Kitti the Red-nosed Feline and Happy Friday! I'm Grateful Jess and I'll be reviewing I have earrings made of pennies!. Please remember that these are only opinions; feel free to use whichever you find the most helpful.

First Impressions
Ah, yes, I can totally relate to this poem! Not that I ever glued pennies to my ears, but the days of dress up and pretend. This is a cute concept.

Overall Thoughts:
I like how I have earrings made of pennies is free verse because that allows for more room to grow your poem and you took full advantage of the form. I loved the imagery and humour in this piece. You captured the essence of childhood and we can all relate to I have earrings made of pennies. I thought the piece flowed well and it read almost perfectly. I didn't feel bogged down and the read had a light feel, which is awesome for a children's piece.

As I suggest to all writers, it doesn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you are capturing everything you want to say. I found no mechanical errors, but it doesn't hurt to reread.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on! Enjoy the final days of Writing.com festivities! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Ladybug Beach  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good morning Itchybarn and Happy Friday! I'm Grateful Jess and I'll be writing Ladybug Beach. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to use whichever are the most helpful.

First Impressions:
What a fun poem! I love the way you played around with your word choice and the rhyme scheme.

Overall Impressions:
While this is a fun poem, it's also educational. I learned a lot about ladybugs from this poem, as well as chuckled along with some of your imagery. I admire how you combine the two. The ABAB format works with the theme. The meter was spot on and Ladybug Beach flowed nicely.

I suggest this to all writers because we all miss something or want to add (or subtract): PROOFREAD! I didn't spot any mechanical errors, however, a quick proofread might help you spot something you want to add or take out.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Ladybug Beach is a lovely first piece! I can't wait to read more of your work. Write on! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good evening Snow Angel and Happy Thankful Thursday! I am Grateful Jess and I'll be reviewing Grandma's Green Thumb. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to use whichever you find most helpful.

First Impressions:
My eyes are welling and I think they sprung a leak. Touching and beautiful.

Overall Thoughts:
I really love how Grandma's Green Thumb is free verse because it allows more room for expression. The page is your oyster and you struck a pearl! I really thought the line breaks gave more expression and added to the tone of this piece. The flower imagery is gorgeous; don't all grandmas have green thumbs?

As I suggest to all writers, go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all that you want to convey. You might discover you're missing something.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on! Enjoy Writing.com's birthday week. ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Death to Pimping  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Rhychus and good evening. I'm Grateful Jess and I'll be reviewing Death to Pimping. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take them with a grain of salt.

First Impressions:
I agree with your sentiment. I like the flow and rhyme scheme of this piece, the ABAB format works well - short and to the point.

Overall Thoughts:
Although this is a short piece, the language you use makes it powerful. The ABAB format brings your imagery to life; I like how you keep it simple. Simple is powerful and while this has a violent tone, keeping it short also didn't bring out more ferocity, which I think would have turned readers off.

I suggest this to all writers; go back and proofread to make sure you are conveying all that you want to convey. You might find that you are missing something OR you want to add or subtract something.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of My Truth  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello TheOneGirl and good morning. I'm Grateful Jess and I will be reviewing My Truth. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to use whichever ones you find the most helpful.

First Impressions:
*Hug1**hug**Hug2* I want to give you a hug! However, we have all felt like this - hopeless, depressed, like no one likes us. You capture the feelings of despair perfectly.

Mechanics:
However, I feel like you could include more imagery. The imagery you have is good, however, you are telling us what it feels like instead of showing us what it feels like. While despair is concrete, I think you could play around with the aesthetics of this piece so we can assign our own meaning, instead of being force fed a meaning.

I didn't find any mechanical errors, however, as I suggest to all writers, go back and proofread your poem to make sure you're including everything you want to be included. Going back could give you a fresh perspective too.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*
7
7
Review of Time for School  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Moon Fae and good morning! I'm Grateful Jess and I'll be reviewing Time For School. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to use whatever you need or disregard them as a grain of salt.

First Impressions:
This really is short! However, the poem is geared toward children and for that specific audience, the length is perfect. Also, I feel like I was an odd child: I looked forward to school and often felt dread after it started. I was bullied and often found solace in teachers.

Mechanics:
I didn't find any mechanical errors; the poem reads smoothly and I like the sing-songy rhyme scheme (AABB format). It fits your audience well and would put a smile on their faces. However, I always suggest to all authors, go back and proofread to make sure you include everything you want to include.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
A joy of a read! I did find this poem enjoyable and know readers of all ages will find the same joy! It's something we can all relate to - I hope you do publish this for young readers. Write on!
8
8
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello and good morning. My name is Grateful Jess and I will be reviewing Childhood Innocence. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take my suggestions with a grain of salt.

First Impressions:
I like the flow and imagery. It's not an exact rhyme, but I do like the rhythm and how to images dance to that rhythm.

Overall Thoughts:
You do have some great imagery, but I feel like you could have added more. There is some rhythm, but the poem only comes half alive for me. I believe you could add more movement to the children to add more life. I believe a few more stanzas with other types of childhood play or behaviour would do the trick. Also, add more rhythm, it's sing-songy now.

I didn't find any grammatical or mechanical issues, however as I always recommend to writers, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread your piece to make sure you are conveying everything you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep writing and creating! *Pencil*
9
9
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello and good evening. I am Grateful Jess and I'll be reviewing Actually The Glass Is Always Full. Please remember these are only my opinions, feel free to take advice with a grain of salt.

Wow! I absolutely loved your essay and as some one who is currently depressed, I needed this. I work two jobs and I start my full-time job early in the morning. One morning I might have to watch the sun rise, even if it's during the weekend. I remember the happiness that brought me when I was a little girl.

I didn't think this sounded like a lecture at all. It was helpful and gentle. I also found no grammatical or mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go over this again to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Keep writing and keep sharing joy!
10
10
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dragon, I'm reviewing In God We Trust for your birthday treat bag. Please remember these are only my opinions, feel free to use what is most helpful.

Impressions:
What a great thought! I know Atheists question this daily, they feel the pledge violate their right of religious freedom. The Pledge of Allegiance was written during the Cold War and the "God" phrases were added because they believed Americans were Godly people, that Capitalism was Godly and Communism wasn't Godly. If I remember correctly, most communists were Atheists and American politicians wanted to separate "us from them." This is a great debate and I'm glad you wrote this piece.

Mechanics:
I think you should add more spaces between the end of the paragraph and the new paragraphs. I know sometimes Word documents don't copy perfectly into Writing.com pieces. Other than that, I found no mechanical errors; however, it wouldn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on!
11
11
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello and good morning! I'm dunkelhetster and I'll be reviewing Caught In the Rain for Choconut ~ Emporium Catch-Ups 's raffle. Please remember that these are only opinions, feel free to take the advice that is most helpful to you.

First Impressions:
I really like the alliteration and repetition of Caught in the Rain and the imagery you created with your word play.

Overall Thoughts:
While I thought this piece was beautifully written, one phrase stood out to me:

>>The sun was hid, there was no glow<<

I'd edit it because I don't like the way it sounds. While it makes the line shorter, it doesn't sound or flow right. I'd suggest:

The hiding sun caused no glow

Other than that, I thought the poem sounded great. However, I'd suggest proofreading to make sure you're including everything you want to be included.

Final Thoughts:
Keep writing and experimenting with poetry! You're doing great so far! Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Life Links  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo, iluvhorses and good morning! I'm Grateful Jess and I am reviewing your poem, Life Links for Grieving Lyn 's fundraiser for Simply Positive Group. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take suggestions at face value.

First Impressions:
Hmmm, I'm not sure about Life Links because it seems very short and not much to this poem. I have never heard of the Septolet form and had to look it up. You do follow the form well and you do create a picture, I guess I am just not too keen on the subject matter. Nothing on your part, just on my part as the reader.

Overall Impressions:
With that said, I am glad I chose this piece because I learned about a new poetry style! While this is not my favorite poem, I do like the imagery you use. I also like the flow and it reminds me of a triolet. It is short and the writer must pack a good deal into a short poem, without overwhelming the reader. I think you did this well.

I found no mechanical errors; however, I always suggest to writers to go back and proofread to make sure they are not missing anything that they thought they've put into a poem, but didn't.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
I'll have to try this form of poetry! I hope you do write more in this form because you do have a way with words and creating images. Please keep writing and creating! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Another teen lost  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hallo, iluvhorses and good morning! I'm Grateful Jess and I am reviewing your poem, Another teen lost for Grieving Lyn 's fundraiser for Simply Positive Group. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take suggestions at face value.

First Impressions:
Wow! Although there is not much wording to this poem, the word choices used makes me tear up. I'm sorry about the loss of your friend to such a senseless act.

Overall Impressions:
Although there was not much in terms of imagery, the word choice used for this poem made up for the terseness of images. This poem conveys shock and sadness, as indicated by the rushing of the flow. I really liked that about this poem. I found no mechanical errors; however, I always suggest to writers to go back and proofread to make sure they are not missing anything that they thought they've put into a poem, but didn't.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
I hope more people read this poem; I think more people should be aware of the power of guns and what can happen, even if playing around. I am sorry about the loss of your friend. Please keep writing and creating! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo, iluvhorses and good morning! I'm Grateful Jess and I am reviewing your poem, Ingrate to grateful for Grieving Lyn 's fundraiser for Simply Positive Group. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take suggestions at face value.

First Impressions:
I could relate to Ingrate to grateful because I've been there and done that; in fact, I have been feeling that way a lot lately. While this free verse is short, it packs a lot of emotion and thought into what is being read.

Overall Impressions:
With that said, I love the simplicity of this poem. I love how there is a lesson at the end of a transformation. While there wasn't much imagery, I liked how this poem forces the reader to look at their life.

I thought the rhythm and flow was spot on, I found no mechanical errors; however, I always suggest to writers to go back and proofread to make sure they are not missing anything that they thought they've put into a poem, but didn't.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and it gave me some ideas to ponder. Please keep writing and creating! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hallo, iluvhorses and good morning! I'm Grateful Jess and I am reviewing your poem, Alcove Window Seat for Grieving Lyn 's fundraiser for Simply Positive Group. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take suggestions at face value.

First Impressions:
I really like Alcove Window Seat because the free verse is simple, but packs a lot of imagery and meaning. Lately, I've been reading a lot of free verse because sometimes a rhyme scheme takes away from the true meaning of a poem. In this poem, the free verse nature creates some movement of me actually looking from the window.

Overall Impressions:
With that said, I love the imagery and movement you have created. Your words and rhythm create peace and since this poem is not forced into a rhyme scheme, this poem is natural and not forced. These words reflect if someone was looking outside of an alcove window and what the sights do to the view.

I thought the rhythm and flow was spot on, I found no mechanical errors; however, I always suggest to writers to go back and proofread to make sure they are not missing anything that they thought they've put into a poem, but didn't.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Please keep writing and creating! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, ~Lifelessons~ and good evening. My name is Grateful Jess and I will be reviewing Night Keepers of Boot Hill. Please remember these are only my opinions and suggestions; feel free to use or disregard whatever.

First Impressions:
This is such a short poem, but it is powerful. I love the emotions that are packed into this poem.

Overall Thoughts:
I really love the rhythm and flow of Night Keepers of Boot Hill because it is so simple. I love simplistic poems. However, this simplistic poem packs a lot of meaning and interpretation. I really like how you play around with your imagery and the words you convey for the imagery.

Only one thing I didn't like: I'm not sure about The hazy fog that lingers 'n hovers above and Left to roam 'n crawl beyond their fate. I think "and" would be more appropriate than "'n".

Other than that one instance of nitpickiness, I didn't find grammatical or mechanical errors. I would suggest proofreading again only to make sure you are conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Joy and good afternoon! I was perusing through your port and came across your Jottings From Journeys journal. Being the aspiring travel bug I am, I had to check this journal out.

I'm so glad I did! I loved reading about your adventures and the stories about your adventures. I hope you have pictures because I think you should really print out these stories to place with pictures. It's fun to look over where you have been. This would pair nicely with a scrapbook.

I have no suggestions or edits. Everything looks fine grammatically and this was put together well. You have inspired me to make my own journal of this year. Shame I didn't think of it earlier. Maybe I'll put together items in a folder.

Thank you for sharing your journeys with us, Joy!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Elle and good morning! I'm Grateful Jess and will be reviewing "CLASH! Original Character Tournament"   by Elle for iKïyå§ama 's "a very Wodehouse challenge"   by iKïyå§ama . Please remember these are only my thoughts and opinions; please use whichever you find the most helpful!

First Impressions:
I think CLASH! Original Character Tournament would be a great warm-up exercise to those who will be participating in Octoprep Month Challenge, then going on to write for NaNoWriMo. I feel that CLASH! helps people prepare for their short stories, or novels, or longer non-fiction, especially by giving tips on how create a character that is compelling.

Overall Thoughts:
I think it's important for all writers to have these habits, especially list-making that acts as a profile. I also believe having an introductory story helps and being in a supportive environment is a necessary process in the writing process. CLASH! is a great way to connect with other writers, hear feedback, and obtain ideas from their suggestions on how to make their piece pop.

However, I see you haven't had a tournament in close to ten months. I hope you do continue with CLASH! and more regularly. I also think maybe you should include non-fiction stories: or maybe create another activity similar. :)

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
What a great idea and activity, Elle! Thank you for creating a safe space for writers to explore, and by also giving them confidence to write longer pieces with their character/characters. Keep up the great work and write on!
19
19
Review of A poem for Chance  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello and good morning. My name is Grateful Jess and I'm reviewing A poem for Chance as part of your prize package from Dragon 's Chinese New Year raffle. Please remember these are only my thoughts and opinions; feel free to use whichever you find the most helpful.

First Impressions:
As a cat mom, especially as a family that adopted a rescue cat, I know these feelings all too well. I'm glad Chance is doing well and thriving. I thought this poem was beautiful and really captured a relationship well.

Overall Thoughts:
I really liked this poem because I like the story behind the poem. As I mentioned, we've adopted a rescue cat (she passed away in 2012... we had her for 4 years; she was 13 when we adopted her in 2008) and we remember feeling these feelings of "will she survive?" She did and I'm glad Chance did as well.

I think the rhyme scheme works well A poem for Chance because it fits the message perfectly. The meter, rhythm, and flow also worked perfectly with this poem. Of course, your imagery was spot on as well.

I didn't find any mechanical errors, but it doesn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the great work and write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Jen~ and good morning. I'm Grateful Jess and I'm one of the judges for kiyasama's "Letters of Life, Love & Hope"   by iKïyå§ama . Please remember these are only my thoughts and opinions - feel free to use whichever you find the most helpful.

What a powerful letter and I'm glad you mentioned other cancer warriors as well because cancer sucks in general. I thought your letter was heart felt; it had a lot of emotion to it, especially anger and sadness. However, you had a lot of hope in the letter - that we can stamp out cancer and if it is detected in time from all of the very helpful screens out there, it can be fought.

I thought this letter was well-written and empathetic to all those who have fought the battle. I'm glad you mentioned the screenings in this letter as well. Good luck!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Dear Ingrid  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi ~Minja~ and good morning. My name is Grateful Jess and I'll be reviewing Dear Ingrid for kiyasama's "Letters of Life, Love & Hope"   by iKïyå§ama . Please remember that these are only my thoughts and opinions - feel free to use whichever you find the most helpful.


I thought this was a clever piece - it combines letter form with poetic form. Although there was no rhyme scheme or verses, I liked how this simple poem didn't make the letter seem too daunting.

However, maybe this form takes away from the message a bit. I was a bit distracted by the format- I was expecting a poem, but it wasn't quite a poem. I had to re-read it again to get a feel from the letter. There are a lot of sad feelings there, as well as hope... but I feel like this letter only touches the surface. I would suggest going deeper. Other than that, I think this is a great start to a letter.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Lynda Miller and good morning. I'm Grateful Jess and one of the judges for kiyasama's "Letters of Life, Love & Hope"   by iKïyå§ama . Please remember these are only my thoughts and opinions; feel free to use whichever you find the most helpful.

First Impressions:
WOW, what a letter. Your mother reminds me so much of my grandmother - it was probably their generation. What an emotional letter and I'm glad your mother survived. I know how hard it can be being the loved one of someone on the cancer journey, and you're right - it is something no one ever wants to do again and again.

Overall Thoughts:
Thank you for this letter. I love how you write it to your mother and show us how difficult the journey was for her. Being stoic in public, being emotional with you. I'm sure it was compounded with the recent loss of your father. Not an easy time all around. I am glad you were there for your mother, I am glad you were patient with her, and I'm glad you had the help of your employer. Those things are always important.

I really like the emotion in this, but I also like how you organize this letter. I am glad there was a "happy ending" as well. You did a really nice job composing this letter.

I found no mechanical or usage errors. Your letter reads very well and is succinct. I also think these types of letters are important to have around for memories, especially how one overcomes struggles.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Thank you for writing this letter and showing us insights into your life. Keep up the great work, keep writing, and good luck!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lisa Noe Kittyluv um Puppyluv and good morning. I'm Grateful Jess , a judge for kiyasama's "Letters of Life, Love & Hope"   by iKïyå§ama , and I will be reviewing Breast Cancer Letter for Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to use whatever suggestions you feel are right.

First Impressions:
Although this is a short letter, I think your letter makes a great impact. It's heart felt, emotional, especially as someone who experienced a little of it - but fortunately walked away from. I hope you're still getting checked and remain healthy.

Overall Thoughts:
Although you have not experienced the full effects of breast cancer, I really love how you write about your experiences with the tests. I also love how you empathize with those that are diagnosed and have the long road of breast cancer (or any type of cancer for that matter) ahead of them. I think that is important, especially the emotional ties to the cause, are important in these types of letters. It gives good reason to why we should fund, sponsor, and help these causes.

I found no mechanical errors in this letter - I thought it read well, especially from an emotional standpoint.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Thank you for sharing your story and sharing about why it's important for people to be screened. Thank you for entering the contest as well. Keep up the good work, keep writing, and good luck!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Rhyssa and good evening. I'm Grateful Jess and I'll be reviewing the potassium drip for kiyasama's a very Wodehouse challenge. Please remember these are my thoughts and opinions; use whichever you find the most helpful.

First Impressions:
You did a really good job writing this poem in the parameters of the prompt. Sometimes prompts can be a challenge, but you did a great job with this. I really like your imagery and can imagine the pain ::cringe::.

Overall Thoughts:
I really like how you play with the words and the imagery you evoke in the potassium drip. I could really feel the pain, although I've never had such an experience, because the way you wrote the poem really made the feelings come alive.

I also like the rhyme scheme, although in some areas, the flow is a bit off. For example:

when the nurse makes her rounds
I ask her why I burn.
potassium, she tells me.
she checks the bags, adj


I would cut down the "nurse makes her rounds" a bit or change the wording because it threw the flow off a little. Other than that, the only suggestion I can make is proofreading again. It read fine, but I always suggest it in case the writer forgot to mention something. It's always good to go back and check your work, anyway.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Great job with the prompt and good job creating your own story! Keep up the good work and write on! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of AN IRONICAL LIFE  
Review by Grateful Jess
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Dr M C Gupta and good evening. I'm Grateful Jess and I'll be reviewing AN IRONICAL LIFE for kiyasama's a very Wodehouse challenge. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to take whichever suggestions you feel are the most helpful.

First Impressions:
This is a good poem to sum up such a sad situation. I remember this media circus like it was yesterday. I felt bad for Terry and you captured the sentiments well. You present a good argument in poetic form.

Overall Thoughts:
I like the rhyme scheme and flow of AN IRONICAL LIFE; I like the ABAB scheme and the way you played with words. You simplified the conflict, but didn't make the average person feel like they were an idiot while reading this piece. As I said in the first impressions, I really felt bad for Terry. I think they should have let the poor woman die and they did. What a media circus, though.

The only suggestion I'd have for this piece is to proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey. Maybe you could have a part II of this poem for other cases like this? That could be interesting!

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on! ~Jessica


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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