Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Cierra.
First Impressions:
This is a good acrostic with wonderful words, but I think you should really expand on it by writing a poem and connecting the words. I think it would give the poem more depth and substance. Also, I dunno who Cierra is or who it's describing, so a poem would help in that respect too.
Mechanics:
I didn't see any mechanical errors; after all it is a word list.
Rating: ***
Final Thoughts:
I think you had good intentions with it and the words on great, you just should expand on it. Please remember, this is my opinion, and this might have a lot more significance to you than it does to me. Keep writing!
Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Death Came Knocking.
First Impressions:
Wow, I really liked this and it did remind me of Emily Dickinson's poem. You did a great job of catching the essence of death in Death Came Knocking, you almost make it sound like a wonderful journey to go on. Overall, I loved the imagery and the flow of this. It is very beautifully written.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I liked how you centered this, it almost looked like a road in which death would travel on.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Very beautifully written. Keep up the good work and remember to keep writing on!
Hallo und guten nachmittag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Rain on.
First Impressions:
Eeek! I can say I've never have done this before in describing a poem. This poem is boring, there is nothing figurative, no creativity and you just list things that are wrong with you. Yes, we have all had bad days (hell, I've had plenty of days where it hurts to live), but this poem hasn't captured it all the way, especially your poor syntax and imagery issues. I think the "sky is gray" is good, but why don't you find other descriptive words that have to do with the sky being gray and the rain falling? I think comparisons are good.
Mechanics:
I found some common sense mechanics, but please remember a lot of my mechanic comments are MY opinion.
Oh the sky is grey
>>Oh, the sky is gray.<<
And this poem needs punctuation...
Rating: **
Final Impressions:
This poem definitely needs to be re-written. This wasn't a bad attempt though. Just keep writing, writing is trial and error; some things work and other things don't.
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I will be reviewing Bake's Dozen: The Ancient Magic.
First Impressions:
This is a very unique look of a tree that has lovers' names carved on it. I would have never thought of it, especially how special the carving really is and how it's like a test of time on both ends. I really loved the imagery you used in The Ancient Magic because I could see it clearly and believe it... it made me feel like I was the one with my name on the tree and saw it year after year in amazement it's still there, even after terrible storms. This is a great lesson, especially in the way you played around with your wording.
Mechanics:
One question: what does "chagrined" mean? I never heard of it or did you make it up? I think a footnote would be good here, especially for people who never heard of the word. Other than that, your mechanics look perfect. I really like the way you broke up into stanzas because it made it easier to read.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
I really enjoyed this; you have a lot of talent. I can't wait to read the other poems from Baker's Dozen. Good luck and write on!
Hallo und guten nach mittag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing A Funny Thing.
First Impressions:
This is a very interesting poem; I actually don't find the subject funny, but the way you present it gave it the whimsical tone you were looking for. I like the imagery and the way you use it to give off the "funny" things about sex. I also like the AAAA rhyme scheme.
Mechanics:
Please remember these are MY opinions and you don't have to consider them.
I thought in some areas it didn't flow like the other stanzas. Please take a look at this stanza:
Sex is such a pleasant thing
It's at the heart of all loving
And it's symbolized by a golden ring
It's such a pleasant thing
Oh, and take a look at this too: It makes eyes water and makes heads ring
I thought it was too long compared to everything else... the meter is sort of off. Other than that, the poem looks fine.
Rating ***
Final Thoughts:
This is a very interesting look at sex. Though I don't find it funny or all that much interesting, it was an interesting read. I think if you make some corrections, it'll be almost perfect. Keep up the good work!
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Bring the Boys Back Home.
First Impressions:
Wow, Kristi, this is impressive. As much as I love military history, I don't agree with the Iraq war (and I'm a war history fanatic... but I like wars with causes) and totally agree with the message of Bring the Boys Back Home. I really liked the imagery of this piece, especially the ABAB rhyme pattern... I thought it worked well with the message... you really gave your point a lot of support and back up in this beautifully written poem.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors; looks perfect to me. I also like how you broke in between stanzas, made it easier for me to read.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Very well done, I'm really impressed by this piece. Keep up the good work and write on!
Guten Morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing "Why Dream".
First Impressions:
WOW, this left me speechless, Tim. I really like the ambivalence and even ambiguousness of the poem; it really shows someone that is hopeless and even though they have dreams it fails in front of them and they figure "why dream?" I really liked the flow and rhyme scheme; at points it was scattered from AABB rhyme to free verse, but I think that shows what this poem is trying to convey. This was nicely done.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. It looks perfect in my eyes. I also like how you separated stanzas; it made it easier to read.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Very beautiful, Tim! Keep up the good work and good luck on this contest! You really have a way with words. Write on!
Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Stormy Night for
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First Impressions:
Very powerful, especially with the illness of your loved one, it really describes the battles you had very well. I remember that when my mom was taking care of my pop-pop when he had cancer. You had very beautiful imagery and just the way you set this up to the way you play with the words, it wowed me and made the poem come more alive.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I liked the disclaimer you put at the bottom -- it makes the poem come more alive.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Very beautiful. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Lavender Blue for
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First Impressions:
This actually reminds me of Sylvia Plath just with the ambiguousness of Lavender Blue. I really like the message; at first the reader believes Lavender Blue is a girl, but as you go further it goes between a pair of pants and maybe a girl. I really liked this idea, the rhyme scheme and just the imagery altogether. You did a really nice job.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. It looks perfect to me, especially the spacing.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Very nicely done. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Friends Forever.
First Impressions:
I really like how you used Vitamin C's Graduation/Friends Forever) song, it really added to the mood of this story and even made the story. I really like the characterization and it really captures the mood of graduating. My one friend and I always said we would never miss most of the people in our grade (I was held back a year and went to kindergarten with the class that graduated last year, so I was never too attached to my grade), yet after we graduated we said we would miss them a bit. I also like your description and imagery, again, I can picture it well.
Mechanics:
I found some slang and emoticons, but since it's in the POV of a high school student, I'm letting it slide. =] I found no other mechanical errors.
Rating: ***
Final Thoughts:
I really enjoyed this, as well as the song. You did a nice job writing this and captured a feeling well. I'm commuting back and forth to college (I go for my license Wednesday) and I plan on keeping in touch and hanging out with friends every once in a while (most of my friends are commuting too), especially the younger ones that graduate in a year or two.
Keep writing and thanks for joining:
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Jimmy's Birthday Party.
First Impressions:
Awww... this story was so cute and you followed the picture well. =] I really liked how you developed Jimmy's character because it reminded me of me when I was 6, especially with birthday parties; this really brought back great memories. I also love your imagery, characterization and plot because as I said it brought back great memories and it made me laugh at certain points. It also made me feel like I knew the other children personally as well. Great job with the prompt.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors; it looks perfect to me. Thank you for posting the picture prompt. =]
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
I'm impressed, Judy. I thoroughly enjoyed it and it was very well written. Keep up the good work and thanks for joining
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Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Memories of Past Independence.
First Impressions:
You know, I love reading these because I miss the old days of America (or any other place) when times were simpler. Nowadays, most things are opened and it's not really a relaxing holiday anymore... like every other holiday it has lost it's true meaning. I really enjoyed this anecdote of yours, it was well written and I can picture everything you talk about. You held me from beginning to end. This is nicely done.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I liked the way you set this up, especially with pictures and the fonts... it drew me in, especially the title. Oh, should the title be Memories of Past Independences... it might more sense grammatically.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Again, very nicely written and good luck! Keep up the good work and write on! Happy 4th of July!
Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I will be reviewing Science and Sense.
First Impressions:
Wow, this is impressive. I LOVE Russian history and reading a first hand account of this event made my skin tingle; that must have been amazing to see. I also love your descriptions, especially with the uncertainty surrounding and the wisdom of this piece. The flow also really worked with this piece.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. Looks perfect to me.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Overall, I enjoyed this piece. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten tag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing How To Be An A+ Teacher.
First Impressions:
While this is a good list, I think some of the advice could be really hard to follow. Some things you have to go by the book on, such as the laws from "No Child Left Behind" (if you live in the US) and sometimes keeping your emotions in check can be hard too. Overall, this is not a bad list.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
Not bad. Good luck; keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten morgen! Frohliche Mutters Tag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Mother's Day.
First Impressions:
WOW! This story impresses me and it seems like something that should be in Spike Gillespie's Pissed Off: Finding Forgiveness On the Other Side of the Finger. Though, I'm only 18, I can relate to the relationship the protagonist has with her mother. I thought this was a nice little anecdote and had great imagery and lessons in it. I especially like the park scene; it goes from downright despair to hope, which shows she is on the path to healing. You really should write a sequel; I'd be interested in seeing how she moves on (or doesn't).
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors; looks perfect in my eyes. I like how you broke this up into paragraphs and did separate spaces; made it easier to read.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Wow, you just so a superb and extraordinary job with this piece. Like I said, you should really write a sequel, then submit it to a magazine; I think you'd get far. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing My L♥ve For You.
First Impressions:
Awww... this poem is so beautiful and very true about love. I really liked all the imagery you used; I could really picture and feel everything you mentioned in this poem because I think we have all felt this longing. You have a way with your words, especially with expressing the feelings of love, hurt, lust, etc. The ABAB format really works well with the poem.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors in My L♥ve For You. I liked how you broke it into stanzas and centered it; it made it easier to read. Thanks for adding colour too; made it visually appealing.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
I really liked this piece and you are such a beautiful writer. Keep up the good work and keeo writing on!
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing DESSERTEDLY FRUITY.
First Impressions:
Wow, so simple yet so beautiful. Though it is 26 syllables, you really painted a beautiful picture and I could imagine every word. This is just so beautiful.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, looks perfect to me and well polished.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
I really enjoyed this. I'm going to enter this contest too because I'd like to try it. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing My Baby Girl.
First Impressions:
This is so beautiful.I can sort of relate to it, though I am not a mother, but I see it in my cousins. I'm the oldest cousin on my mom's side of the family and I remember when most of my cousins were born -- now they're in the early teens or fast approaching becoming pre-teens; it's truly shocking how time goes so fast because it's like they're not allowed to grow up. I digress, I really liked the imagery and paradoxes... it really shows the complex relationship between mother and daughter. Also the flow ties the poem together well.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. I like how you set up the poem, which made it visually appealing too.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
Very nice work. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Euphoria.
First Impressions:
This poem was pretty good... I wouldn't associate the themes you talked about right away, but after a few times reading it, the associations make sense. With the imagery in Euphoria it is not cliched and provides for better picturing. I also liked the flow and I thought everything was brought together well. Thank you for the fresh new outlook on euphoria.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. It looks pretty good to me and I like how you broke this up into stanzas.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
Nice work. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing The Hunger.
First Impressions:
This is a very interesting way to look at love. I really like the imagery in The Hunger; I could picture it really well and you sell the idea. I think it's a legitimate claim and you don't disappoint me.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. Looks perfect to me. I like the flow; it almost looks like a sonnet, but the verse really ties the poem together.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
I really enjoyed this; keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten nachtmittag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Heart Or Soul.
First Impressions:
This was a very interesting poem. I really like the imagery found in this poem and just the way everything flows. I could picture this somewhat; it reminds me of an 80s song of the same name. Not bad.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors; it looks okay to me. Go back and proofread, though.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten nachmittag! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing A Picture On The Wall.
First Impressions:
Aww... this piece was so beautiful and it brought me to tears (again... I was already in tears when I opened it). You really voice your opinions clearly and I can feel the pain of losing someone close to you. I also liked the flow of it; it brings everything together well.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. It looks perfect.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
This was just so beautiful. I hope you find him someday soon. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Written Words....
First Impressions:
I really like this poem and it describes my sentiments for today; it has been such a bad day and for reasons similar to this poem. I really like your imagery in Written Words... because I could really picture everything well from the motions to the characters. Very nicely done.
Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors. It looks perfect to me.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I will be reviewing All My Love...
First Impressions:
I really like the letter format of this short story, especially since it has a great storyline and plot. You provide the readers with a lot of good details and characterization in All My Love and it felt like I knew Malcolm well, especially with his feelings for Elizabeth. It also felt like I was with him when he was writing this. Very realistic and wonderful.
Mechanics:
Make better paragraph breaks. I would skip another line, then use the { indent } HTML (without the spaces). Also, in the title capitalize the m in my and l in love. Other than that, I found spelling or grammatical errors.
Rating: ***
Final Impressions:
Welcome to writing.com! This was an excellent story and I enjoyed reading it until the end. Very unique approach too. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Daddy, I'm Pregnant.
First Impressions:
WOW, this story is very good and reminds me of my friend who got pregnant at 18 (her boyfriend loved her terribly, but she kicked him out a year after the baby was born and wants his name off the birth certificate... it's sad really). I really like the plot to this and your characterization, as I said it reminds me of my friend, and many other teenagers out there. You did a good job presenting this.
Mechanics:
I found one:
>>He set the letter aside and stared at the dinghy walls of his apartment. <<
He set the letter aside and stared at the dingy walls of his apartment.
Dinghy is a little boating vessel. =]
Other than that, everything looks perfect.
Rating: ****
Final Impressions:
You gave me a really good idea. This was written accurately and was really awesome. Keep up the good work and write on!
Guten tag!
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