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76
76
Review of Conception  
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Conception.

First Impressions:
I like how quickly this moves and you don't spare us any detail either. I think you chose a good subject for this 55 word contest because the idea of conception happens very fast. I really like the ending because you portray the female as angry (I would be too) to get her significant other out of shock. I thought you had interesting comparisons thrown in there as well for us to get an idea what it's like. I also like how at the beginning it sounded like the reader was at the horse race, but the ending is more tragic. My favorite parts:

And they're off, seed tails whipping desire at a hummingbird-winged pace.

“Wait…how do we stop?”
“Just smash into something.”

“Hunn…I’m pregnant.”
“OH, MY GOD!”
“NO GOD…IDIOT…PREGNANT.”

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but as I suggest to authors, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely done. Good luck in the contest! Keep up the good work and remember to write on!

Guten tag!
77
77
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing The Ballad of the Dangerous Moll.

First Impressions:
This is such a cute ballad. This should be the anthem for the molls that live in my backyard and my cats love to hunt. I thought you had wonderful imagery that paints backyard beauty and the menancing moll. I also thought the rhyme scheme was perfect with the pace and tone of The Ballad of the Dangerous Moll. My favorite parts:

Oh, Princess in bright cape of red,
Your kiss is my delight,
Our love will blossom, Valentine,
Fair vision in my head.{/comic}

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, it looks perfect to me, but as I say to all authors; it wouldn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely written. I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work and keep writing during this 10th anniversary week! Write on!

Guten tag!
78
78
Review of Been Lost  
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I will be reviewing God I am Lost.

First Impressions:
I know this feeling very well, I just left a religion that I felt was leading me to the devil. I looked inside my heart and realized this wasn't for me. I like how you made this into a little prayer to guide your life. I thought it was a nice little touch.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however, as I suggest to all authors, it wouldn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely done! Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag!
79
79
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing We Have a Pet Bird.

First Impressions:
This poem is short and simple. It doesn't beat around the bush and gets to the point. However, I think you should put metaphors and symbolism in this piece. What are you trying to have the reader take away from this poem? Does it have another meaning? I think once you go back and answer the questions, this piece will have more substance.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however as I suggest to all writers, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
I think this piece has a lot of potential. Just ask yourself what can you do to make this better; as writing is that type of process. Remember to keep writing and guten tag!

Salaam!
80
80
Review of Mountains  
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen! I'll be reviewing Mountains.

First Impressions:
I just learned a new word- gigantesque. I mean it was obvious what it means, but it stuck out at me and I thought wow, I never heard that word. I did look it up because I wasn't sure if it quite fit, but after looking it up, I think you used the right word. *Smile* Though, it is a haiku, I think you have beautiful imagery and tell a gorgeous story. This haiku reminds me of my trip last week to the Blue Ridge Mountains. Thank you for bringing back wonderful memories. *Bigsmile*

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however as I always suggest, it wouldn't hurt to go back to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey. Also, I liked the font you used for Mountains.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Beautiful as always! Keep up the good work and remember to write on!

Guten tag! Salaam Alaikum!
81
81
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing HAIKUS (about trees).

First Impressions:
First off, I don't think the first line in both haiku are five syllables, I counted four syllables; unless you count "trees" as five syllables. Regardless, I thought the imagery was beautiful for the first haiku and interesting. I thought the second haiku was humorous. You did a nice job playing around with this.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but as I say to all authors, it doesn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you are conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Not a bad start for haiku! Just check your syllable counts. Keep on writing and salaam alaikum!

Please check this out: "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor

Guten tag!
82
82
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing 100 Character Story.

First Impressions:
Writing a 100 word story is tough because it doesn't really leave room to include a lot of detail. However, I think you rely on the fairy tale intro and ending, which takes away from a really good story. I think if you omitted those (well, maybe the once upon a time) you could give a little bit more description on the boy and the villain (i.e. why the villain is a villain -- describe him so we can see how evil he is).

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Good luck with the contest! Just remember with future short, short stories to make it concise and figure out what you need or don't need.

Guten tag! Salaam alaikum!
83
83
Review of Final Goodbye  
Review by Future Mrs. B
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I am a judge for "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor . Here is my review for Final Goodbye.

First Impressions:
I really like how you make this a letter. It is also ambiguous because the final goodbye could either be the son/daughter leaving town for a long time or even a suicide. Though, it's sounding more like a suicide. I think a letter is a nice touch to a story.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but wasn't expecting to on a short piece.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work! Good luck!
84
84
Review of Replacement  
Review by Future Mrs. B
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I am a judge on behalf of "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor . I will be reviewing Replacement.

First Impressions:
I really liked the title and the six word story was pretty good. It shows how one addiction ends and another one starts. It would be pretty neat to see a continuation of this piece. I am teaching a creative writing course and normally I encourage more and more in other pieces. You did a good job sticking to the limit.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, which I expected for a piece this short.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Overall, not too bad. Good luck!

Guten tag! Salaam!
85
85
Review of An Exiled King  
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing An Exiled King.

First Impressions:
Wow, this letter is awesome! It felt like I was in the time period of Napoleon and it felt like I knew everyone involved personally. You make a great use of history; you must have done a lot of research. When I get to the historical section of my creative writing class, may I use this an example of historical writing?

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely done! Keep up the good work and remember to write on!

Guten tag!
86
86
Review of A mothers voice  
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Poetry Submission on behalf of Everyday is Earth Day!.

First Impressions:
Interesting poem; you tell a good story, especially why we inhabitants should care about the Earth. You have great imagery and I like the rhyme scheme, though in places it runs a little long.

Mechanics:
To me this read almost like prose. I think you should break up the lines. Just remember this is MY opinion and you should do as you see fit.


I feel tired, I feel old. (I would add something here to make it long, but keep old at the end)
What they are doing to me is for the benefit of mankind I am told.

Things like Global warming and pollution just to name a few.

This didn't happen when I was young,
why does this happen now that I'm old?

Do you not realize the pain born is not fine
especially from your indecision is not only mine?

It affects all creatures that hunger, the young and the old in time.
(Add something here for time... maybe I hope this is a helpful rhyme.)


Look after me, remember I am frail,
don't lie to the People, we have had enough of the talltake out tall tales.

Don't let the Japanese hunt my beautiful whales.

You can all live in harmony, is that so hard to do?

Will you continue to kill each other until
all that is left of the Human is only a few?


Maybe it's all for the better that you all are lost,
why should the rest of my creatures bear all the cost?

So keep in mind what you do with your deeds,
you are not the only creature with needs.

Don't forget the creatures you and
your so called knowledge caused to perish.

You helped to destroy the world they did cherish.

Celebrate my day, enjoy all the cheers,
but please try to remember.

When you are gone, I still will be here for a few million years.

Other than that, I'd proofread to make sure everything else flows right.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Good luck and write on!

Guten tag!
87
87
Review of Haiku  
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Salam Alaikum und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Haikku on behalf of Everyday is Earth Day!.

First Impressions:
Hands down, these are the most beautiful haiku I ever seen. You really capture all aspects of nature well from clouds to flowers and oceans. I honestly can't suggest anything because everything is just so perfect and awe inspiring.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however as I always suggest to other writers, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very beautiful! Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag!
88
88
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten tag. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing A Valentine's Poem on behalf of Everyday is Earth Day!.

First Impressions:
Though this is short and simple, I think this is a beautiful poem for a Valentine. You capture the beauty of a flower, especially a flower not given, yet you capture the sadness of when flowers die. I also loved the rhythm and flow.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however as I suggest to all writers, it wouldn't hurt to go back to make sure you are conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag!
89
89
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Grow More Trees: A Children's essay{/} on behalf of Everyday is Earth Day!.

First Impressions:
Though I am more advanced than a child's reading level (obviously), I still enjoyed it. You had great imagery and concepts, which can be related to children. If I had kids, I would let them read your essay. In fact, it would be awesome if you could give this to a school to help spread Earth Day awareness. Regardless, I loved how you included an outline before the essay and the way you concluded this essay.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however as I suggest to all writers, it would not hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you are conveying all you want to convey. Also, I believe you should center the green titles because it would make it even more easier to read, especially for a child.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag!
90
90
Review of I'm Your Man  
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing I'm Your Man.

First Impressions:
This is a cute little story, I really loved the ending and how Charlotte sends the kids into Cliff to bug him. That sounds so typical of a mother with young children, but sometimes even the typical can be so funny (I'd be laughing if my husband said that to me and was flustered). I thought you had good imagery, despite how short it was, and you followed the prompt well (I'm supposing). I thought all in all it was a good story.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, but as I suggest to every writer, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
I thought you did a great job writing this; I like the humor you portrayed in the married with children life. Thank you for providing comic relief with this piece. Keep up the good work and write on!

I'm writing a book and I'm including a journal piece in the book. Would you mind checking this out and giving me feedback? Thank you! "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor

Guten tag!
91
91
Review by Future Mrs. B
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Pleasantly Surprised.

First Impressions:
Unfortunately, this captures the sentiments of today. I thought you did a great job portraying the times we are living in and keeping within the prompt. Though it was only 300 words, you did a nice job capturing the moment, feeling and characterization. I almost felt like I was in the kitchen with the couple and knew something bad was going to happen. Very nicely done.

Mechanics:
I didn't find any mechanical or grammatical errors, however, as I suggest to all writers, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely done. Hopefully you did well in this contest! Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag!
92
92
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Looking for a Peace Train.

First Impressions:
Wow, this is really an eye opener and unfortunately the sad truth of America nowadays. I like how you used Cat Steven or Yusuf Islam as an example of this injustice because he once was famous and well loved and now he's denied into this country. I liked how you argued that this is like McCarthyism and used examples from the past. I thought this was beautifully written, but could have sited sources at the end (since this was a research paper). I thought the song at the end was a nice touchup as well.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, I thought you did a nice job proofreading. However, as I suggest to every writer, it wouldn't hurt to go back and re-read to make sure you are conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
May I use this for the essay I'm writing about Islam in America? Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag!
93
93
for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hallo und guten morgen. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing GOD, LET ME LIVE ("Invalid Entry" ).

First Impressions:
Wow, this poem is so beautiful. I know exactly how you feel in this poem; I've felt this way before too. It's such a beautiful feeling to know that you are forgiven and that God loves all his children. I like the abcb (I guess that's what I can call it) format; I think it does well with the imagery you're using and the message portrayed. Very nicely done!

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however as I suggest to all writers, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
What inspired you to write this? I thought, like all your other pieces I've read in the past, this was beautifully written. Keep up the good work and write on!

Guten tag!
94
94
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing If Epilepsy Were Bipolar's Cousin (Book).

First Impressions:
This sounds like it's going to be a pretty good novel with the opening. You led us on with all the descriptions and I'm going to be bookmarking this to keep up with the story. Good luck with it! It sounds like it's heading in a good direction.

Mechanics:
Besides the excessive spaces (I think you should take out the extra spacing), everything looks fine. However, as I always suggest to people, it wouldn't hurt to go back and make sure you are conveying all you want to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Can't wait to read more. Good luck and keep up the good work!

Guten tag!
95
95
Review of Family & Friends  
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Family & Friends (Photo Album).

First Impression:
Wow, this is such a nice photo album; though there are few pictures, I enjoyed looking through them. I always love going through photo albums -- so much history and it really tells a lot about the person, especially the time period. Your photos were very nice and very pretty. I do hope you add some more, I think this is a nice thing to have.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely done. Keep up the good work and remember to write on!

Guten tag!
96
96
Review by Future Mrs. B
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hallo und guten nachmittag. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Eleven Million Raindrops.

First Impressions:
Wow, this piece is so beautiful -- it's wonderful how you have commemorated the lives lost during the Holocaust. Three years ago I went to Germany and visited Dachau; such a chilling experience and your poem reminds me so much of that experience. You used good imagery in Eleven Million Raindrops and I like how you played around with words (i.e. instead of using teardrops you used raindrops to show even more impact). Though it was a free flowing poem, you kept it at a nice, even tempo and it flowed well.

Mechanics:
Though I didn't spot any mechanical errors, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you have conveyed all you have wanted to say.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Halfstar*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely written and good use of history. You should really submit this to a Holocaust memorial site or publication; I think it could make it. Remember to keep on writing, it helps the writer get better. Have a great holiday and New Year! Please check this out:

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1629602 by Not Available.


Guten tag!
97
97
Review by Future Mrs. B
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten abend. Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Reindeer Roulette!

First Impressions:
This is such a great idea. It also looks like a lot of fun as well. I sent you my GP's, can't wait to participate. Merry Christmas!

Mechanics:
Since I can't rate on mechanics for a forum or game, I'll be skipping this part.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Guten tag!
98
98
Review by Future Mrs. B
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hallo und guten abend! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing Merit Badge Bonanza Player Chart.

Great idea! Made the holidays a little more fun and I enjoyed reading different pieces. Also, I like the layout of the page and how you set it up. Can't wait to participate next year! Keep up the good work and happy holidays!

Guten tag!
99
99
Review of Follow Your Heart  
Review by Future Mrs. B
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hallo und guten morgen! I will be reviewing Follow Your Heart.

First Impressions:
I like the lesson found in Follow Your Heart because it is very true and everyone should always heed the words "follow your heart." I really like the rhyme scheme of ABAB because it worked well with what you're trying to convey and with the imagery. Very nicely done.

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you have conveyed all you have wanted to convey.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and keep writing on!
100
100
Review of LITTLE TO NOTHING  
Review by Future Mrs. B
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hallo und guten morgen! Ich bin Jessica and I'll be reviewing LITTLE TO NOTHING.

First Impressions:
Wow, this poem is intense and well written. I really like the allegories present in this poem; it makes LITTLE TO NOTHING even more powerful. I also really like the imagery and coupled with the allegories made it even more vivid; I could feel and see what you were writing about so well. I have a great aunt with altzheimer's and I know the devastating effects all too well. I also liked the rhyme scheme; it made the poem flow nicely. Bravo for writing this!

Mechanics:
I found no mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you have said all you have wanted to say.

Rating:
*Star***Star***Star***Star***Star*

Final Thoughts:
Very nicely done! Keep up the good work and remember to keep writing!

Guten tag!
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