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138 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of MEMORIES  
Rated: E | (5.0)
BEAUTIFUL and it took me there. I felt your pain as well as the closeness you two shared. I am sure Mittens understood as animals have a special sense. I am sure you will understand when I say, " Sometimes they seem able to talk." We get to know them so well that their "animal speak" seems to sound almost "Human". Hopefully Mittens will lead you to another that needs you though Mittens will always hold a place...just like Momma Cat with me (my service dog Buddy still gives his air kisses and seems to report to Momma Cat.) Thanks for sharing a special poem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Mittens  
Rated: E | (5.0)
That is a cat that hopefully learned to be more careful with her "Favorite Toy". Great picture of a beautiful cat.
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In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Joy,

This review is being submitted by a student of Dynamic Reviewing. Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and alwaysKEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*

Explaination Needed: As this is for a writer of NaNoWriMo, I am trying to help the writer without giving away any details.

My Personal Impressions:
I will say one word for this novel. That is unstoppable. The reason is I could not put it down so to speak. So far, I see nothing wrong with it. It is suspenceful and a big mystery. The characters are interesting as is the ever twisting plots. Excellent job! I am going to greatly enjoy when it is all brought together and finished.



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Review of Small writing  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello D.Spade,

This review is being submitted by a student of Dynamic Reviewing. Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your writing.I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and alwaysKEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*

My Personal Impressions: When I first heard your plug, I thought how informational will this be? Will I have enough information to help this author with a review? After reading it,I was greatly impressed. I am thrilled to say that I believe you have the makings of a great book. Now to help you as much as I can.

Tone: The tone was suspenseful as well as comical in some areas. Try to save some of the comical as they lighten the mood. Example would be this:‘Be realistic Celderion, even if we give someone the power to unite them it could take years even decades for him to accomplish his goal, we don’t have that long. We should simply destroy them now before they ruin all of our cities and destroy our precious world!’ ‘Enough!’ Terraeon, keeper of the earth shouted as he elegantly strode into the round room. (note: Underlined is the comical.)

Style: The style used was also well done. This was light.

Voice: Was light which is good with younger readers. Good age group to go for is: teen or young adult.

Point of View: Third-person here was an excellent choice as it allowed the reader to get a lot of information.

Plot Development: The main plot is also a very good one. As it allows for you to take this idea and make a series of books. Though if you do that remember each book has to have their own conflict without finishing dealing with the main conflict of the series.

Characterization/Dialogue: This was excellent as you introduced some major characters for both a single book as well as a series of books. You also introduced the hero or you could have the child grow up and prove Aequan right, then the elders will have to deal with two issues instead of one. If you have the child be the hero then I suggest that Aequan be the villian. You have already pitted him against the humans here so what would he do to prove that he was right about them? How would he go to see them destroyed?

Setting/Imagery: You did beautifully on the imagery you did show. Suggestion: describe the sprites more when you write the book or books.

Technical Considerations (Grammar/Punctuation/Format): I saw no errors in this area.

Readability: This was an excellent and easy read. One that I fully enjoyed.

My Suggestions: Besides my suggestions above, I have only one.That is to finish this world you have so masterfully created. I rate this the same as I would if Tolken asked for a review of his plug for The Lord of the Rings series. Let me know when you have written more concerning this small writing. As I eagerly await to read more about this world. Well Done!!!

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Review of Shimmy and Roscoe  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, mylydoll . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your story called"Shimmy and Roscoe". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*


First Impression: My first impression upon seeing the title was that it was probably about two boys.

Tone: The tone you used was excellent and really helped me visualize both characters. An example of this is when you had her say "Well, c'mon! The wind seems to be picking up tonight!" she said as her anxiety increased."I don't like this, Roscoe. Besides, the air is becoming much more chilly."

I could just see the fear that something was about to happen.

Style: The style was dark and gloomy which turned a casual walk to something that me wondering exactly why she was worried.

Voice: The voice had an air of mystery to it as well as suspense. I found myself wondering why Shimmy had to be the one to walk her dog every night. Why wasn't she use to it after three years of having him?

Don't get me wrong, it is great for a short story . Though if you plan on making this story into a larger one; maybe include the answers to these questions in an earlier or later chapter.

Point of View: This story seems to be coming from Shimmy.

Plot Development: I like what I saw of how the small plot was developing but the story just stops. I found myself wondering did they make it home. Why was Roscoe acting different then he usually did with that much noise? He usually perked up his ears. Why was this time different?

Characterization/Dialogue: This area was done excellent. Though this is a short piece of what I see as a larger story.

Setting/Imagery: I could see myself there.

Readability: An easy read. Though you have a wrong word in this sentence:Shimmy just shook her head. She did not want to be out walking the him in this weather and was sure to let him know how she felt about it.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Look at readability above. Otherwise I saw no errors.

Suggestions: Other then the suggestions I have made above, there is only one other suggestion I would like to make. That is to continue the story as this is a great start.

Final Thoughts: I hope that my review is helpful and that you continue writing about these two characters. Though when you work from a prompt, it might be wise to include the prompt in highlights. This is so a reviewer can see if you understood the prompt. Again Thank You for allowing me to review such a good piece. Keep Writing! Well Done!


This is the second sig that has been made for me by  iKïyå§ama.
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Review of A Week of 19  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great activity. You have designed it very well. Having a lot of winners in a real plus due to it encourages members to try their luck. It will also encourage reviews as well. Great Job StoryMistress! My only suggestion is to have it more often.
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Review of Beltane  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I. OVERALL: I believe "Beltane" is a very interesting beginning to what I hope to be a great book. Well Done.

STRENGTHS: The characters and scenery are very well developed.

WEAKNESSES: The last paragraph sort of side tracked me. I walk towards the fire and let the healing smoke curl around me. My feet pick up pace and I leap over the flames, heat tickling my toes as I fly through the air. When I reach the other side, I am a free man. It was the only part of the story where I went "Huh?"

MY SUGGESTIONS: Continue this story. You did an excellent job and should continue writing this wonderful piece. Well Done! Keep Up The Good Work! This is another story that I am eagerly awaiting to see finished.

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Review of The Only One  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I. OVERALL: A very interesting story.

STRENGTHS: The characters are well developed and believable.

WEAKNESSES: I didn't really see any weakness except maybe back story. But the note you placed above the beginning of the story explained that.

II. DETAILED ISSUES:

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Both characters are very well developed. The way you showed the transformation was excellent.

SCENE CREATION: Excellent

DIALOGUE FLOW: Well Done. especially between the two main characters after transformation.

PLOT: This was a little harder to find but that was also very well done.

SPELLING: I found no errors in this area.

PUNCTUATION: i could detect no errors here either.

GRAMMAR: Your grammar was beautifully done.

MY SUGGESTIONS: As your note at the top implies, I would finish this story. You could even make it part of a series. I for one will eagerly await the finished book. Well Done! Keep Writing!

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In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I. OVERALL: I thought a great hook for a very interesting story. This is the kind of writing that is usually on the back of a book to grab the reader's attention.

STRENGTHS: You show both the main character and his foe Howard beautifully, as well as the scene.

WEAKNESSES: You don't go into why they are foes or why the powers. For the back of the book that is okay but for a whole short or long story it is not.

II. DETAILED ISSUES:

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: The characters personalities are well developed. Their back-story needs work.

SCENE CREATION:Excellent

DIALOGUE FLOW: Okay, though I didn't see much of Dialogue except between the main character and the reader.

PLOT: This is where the story will need more work.

SPELLING: None that I could find.

PUNCTUATION:This was the only error I saw. I was at the bookstore to get Landon Flanderson’s new epic, The Route from Point A to Point B Commonly Used by Male Sovereigns. should look like this; I was at the bookstore to get Landon Flanderson’s new epic, "The Route from Point A to Point B Commonly Used by Male Sovereigns". Titles in a sentence should be in quotations and italics. Some people also make them bold.

GRAMMAR: None that I could find.

MY SUGGESTIONS: I suggest you continue with this story. Keep Writing.

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Review of Xenia  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I. OVERALL: I thought this was a very interesting peace. It does need a little fine tuning.

STRENGTHS: The story Xenia's plot and main character are both very well developed.

WEAKNESSES: The story close to the end seems to loses me as does the first paragraph. Questions to keep in mind: 1) The first paragraph shows a lot about the main character but how does it help with the plot? 2) in the last paragraph; Why was the first directive to destroy? How did that fit with what the main character did with the fries?

II. DETAILED ISSUES:

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Main character is well developed early in the story. Xyrif could be developed more. I as a reader link him to the bum that the main character gave the food to. Problem is I was not able to believe that one act would change him mind. I hadn't been given enough insight into his character to connect with him.

SCENE CREATION: Was good though somewhat jumpy.

DIALOGUE FLOW: Excellent

PLOT: Excellent

SPELLING: I did find one error. Though I believe it to be more of a wrong word choice. As such, it is in the Grammar section.

PUNCTUATION: I saw no errors in this area.

GRAMMAR: This sentence throw me; "Things had disimproved when he'd gotten pulled over rushing to the office. Mainly due to the underlined word. After reading the whole sentence a couple of times, I finally got the meaning you were going for. See if another word might fix better.

MY SUGGESTIONS: I suggest after the above problems are addressed this story could be a great beginning to a very interesting book. I believe Xenia to show great promise. Good Job and Keep Writing.

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Review of Sneaky Shadow  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi again Cassie. This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your poem "Sneaky Shadow". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*


First Impression: My first thoughts were great poem. Taking it from the cat's side was very well done. It also shows that you loved her even then.


Suggestions: If you got any more about her, then I would suggest making a book out of them.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I saw no errors in this area.

Final Thoughts: I think this was a great way to remember a much loved cat. You did an excellent job. Since it was written while you were in high school, I thought I would find at least a few errors. I did not find any. Excellent Job! Keep Writing.


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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello again Web Witch . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your short story"No Appointment Necessary". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*


First Impression: My first thought when I read the third case of Detective Lou Ryan was a great addition to an already wonderful series. To see that Officer Smith back, was a nice addition as well. In this case, we find out that Lou could be working in the ritzy part of town. He chooses not to. This added bit of information, gives you another look into his already complex personality. He really cares about people and not just the money.


Suggestions: I suggest that you continue writing this great series.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found no errors in this area.

Final Thoughts: I am looking forward to reading more cases of Lou Ryan. He is a very capable and interesting detective. A lot like Dick Tracy.


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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi web witch . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your story "I Hate Early Morning Visitors.". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*


First Impression: My first thoughts were a great detective novel. The main character Lou was an interesting guy. The cop was an interesting addition as was Gloria.


Suggestions: My suggestion is to continue writing and publishing this great series. Maybe have Lou only really count on this one cop when a bust needs to be made.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found no errors in this area.

Final Thoughts: Detective Lou is a hard, by his own rules P.I.. He has a lot going for him. I will be looking forward to his next case. Keep Writing! Great Job!


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Review of Ultimate Sin  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ben . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your poem "Ultimate Sin". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*


First Impression: My first thoughts were that it was a very wonderfully written poem. It has few errors, but does get confusing at the end.

Suggestions: I have only two suggestions for this poem and one suggestion for your port as a whole.
1) Lines 4 and 16 you use the wrong form of the word "to". I show the error below in the grammar section.
2) At the end it seems to get a little confusing. It seems to suggest that the person would try to take their own life again. I don't not believe this is what you meant at all to get across. See if you can make it a little more clear. I think this too will be an easy fix.
3)The suggestion I have for your port is because in your Bio Block you said "You wrote short stories as well as poetry." When I looked for the short stories, I saw none. Please put some in. This is so we can help you in that area as well.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
You write "to" when you mean "too". It is a common error.

Final Thoughts: I really enjoyed your poem and with the above edits made; I know that it can become a great poem. I look forward to reading more of your work. I am also eagerly awaiting the additions of your short stories. Well Done! Keep Writing and Welcome to Writing.Com.


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Review of Augie  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ali . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your "Augie". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*


First Impression: I first thought was that Augie was a very interesting character. When reading about how the puppies were left to die, I was mad to say the least. If this is based on a true story; I hope the ones that did it got caught.


Suggestions: My only suggestion is to continue with this story. Maybe telling what happened after the female puppy was found. Also did Billy ever see anything else. This has the makings of a book or novel. It would help to get the word out about what sometimes happens to these beautiful dogs and hopfully to help put a stop to it.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I saw no errors in this area.

Final Thoughts:I was glad that they found one more puppy that made it. Billy seemed to be linked to Augie. You did a great job in writing this wonderful story. Well Done! I will be looking forward to see what happens next. I can see why it won.


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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again Prosperous Snow . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your "In the Fairy Mountains". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*


First Impression: My first thoughts were that it was an interesting look into an even bigger story. The character Amy is interesting. But it left me with questions.
1) Who is Prince Altar?
2)Why is he chasing Amy? This one somewhat got answer when you find out she is a Princess.
3)How does Lord Battlewolf fit into the Plot?

Suggestions: My suggestions are the following:
1) Finish this story.
2) In the story answer the above questions.
3) Make the edits I have suggested below.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
1)There was no question in the minds of either the mount or its rider that danger stalked them. it's
2)Turning her gaze to the road ahead, she saw rabbits, foxes, mice, and pixie cats skitter out of Crystal’s path and flee into the brush along the side of the road. fled
3)They stood in front of the mot surrounding the granite and sandstone walls of a rainbow-towered city. maybe explaining this word would help the reader.
Final Thoughts: This could be a great novel. It just needs a little work. Keep working on this and soon you will have an excellent novel. Well Done! I look forward to reading the finished piece.

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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your "The Ninth Daughter". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*


First Impression: My first thoughts were great beginning to a story. The ninth daughter is an interesting character that should have a name.


Suggestions: My suggestions besides the ones below are to continue with this girl's story. Some questions that you could answer with the story is:
1) How did they get their power?
2) Do the older sisters have a gift also? If not, What do they do? Also How do they feel about her gift? How does the brother?
3) Give her a reason for her gift. (Plot and a Villain)

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
1)witchland Witchland It is the name of a place. Capitalize the first letter.
2)I accepted to omen as being truethe
3)I use my power to create need item. This part I did not understand. Clarify it.

Final Thoughts: Hope my above suggestions help. Please continue with this story. I for one will be eagerly awaiting the finished piece. Great Job!

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Review of "You Write?"  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Grinch . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your "You Write?". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!*ThumbsUp*


First Impression: A great piece.


Suggestions: The only two suggestions that I can give is:
1) Consider Yourself A Writer! If you think,sleep and breath writing then Sorry to Say Your A Writer!
2)maybe put the words that are in " "s in italics.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: None that I could see.

Final Thoughts: Excellent piece. It sounds like you are a writer to me. Keep Writing.


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Review of The Angels  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Broke Up With Boyfriend . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your poem The Angels. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!


First Impression: When I first read it, the flow of the poem was a little off. This style is free style so flow does not really need to be there but it can sometimes help the poem.


Suggestions: Try to get a little better flow going. Also in the last line, you could add the word "for" instead of the comma. Both work.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: No real problem I see in this area. The last line as mentioned earlier in suggestion.

This is a great poem and I hope you will Keep Writing.


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In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
C.J. I just got done reading chapter two of "Vampire Vacation". Again beautifully done. Only one error in paragraph 5 from the bottom; if this is Rafe's thoughts then put in italics. Other than that I found this chapter to be very beautifully written. Two Thumbs Up!
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In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello C.J.. I am now starting to read the first book to the series. I have just finished chapter one of "Vampire Vacation". This chapter just from the point of view of Vivian and Rafe. It was still wonderfully done. I can finally say that I did see a spelling error. In paragraph seventeen. The word "metalic" should be spelled "metallic". Probably a simple type-o. Even though by the rules of reviewing I have to give you a four-point-five; I still believe that it is a five star piece. Well Done!
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In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello J.A.Buxton. I am a Crusader. I just done reading your excerpt of Home of the Red Fox. I extremely enjoyed the piece. Since this story is already published, I don't know how you will receive my suggestions. The only things I found that needed changing at least in the excerpt is the following:

I have no idea of why this mansion has a recruiter. Or what Walker is all about. Also the children; how are they and Walker related?

Other than that Well Written and I will enjoy reading more of this great book. Keep Writing.
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In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is the third of three reviews for your package. Overall I thought this poem was beautifully written. I could see how much these two children mean to you in this Rispetto. This style is one of the easier quatrains to do. It is also very hard to master all of the different styles. That said you seem to be well on your way to becoming a master of quatrains. I look forward to reading more of your poetry and hope you will continue.

Once Again Well Done.

[#1700308]
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Review of Arrested Time  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is the first of three reviews for your Package. Overall I thought this poem to be excellently written. As a poem writer myself, I know that the CinqTroisDecaLa is one of the hardest to do. You pulled it off beautifully. I saw no Spelling errors in this piece. The style of AaBbCccabc is hard to say the least but to have each line be exactly fifteen syllables is almost impossible. You did both. Well Done.

[#1700308]
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Review of Ritual  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is the fourth review of your Crusader's package.
Overall: I find the Ritual to be an excellent story. You should continue this story. What happens to Natalie after her turning? Also why to they do the Ritual to begin with? And Josh is he the leader or just the recruiter? Try to answer these questions when you continue this story. As for any error in grammar, spelling or story structure I could find none.

[#1700308]
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