|WOW, HELL, GREAT. You continue to impress me with your story miss. The way opal pulled him away from the tavern was awesome. You had all his men let their guard down thinking she couldn't reach them. WRONG can't stop me from taking what i want lol. Another great chapter in your story. From one story teller to the next, I urge you to finish this tale first before straightening things out. Edit after you finish your book. And don't be discouraged by the horrible reviews other people will likely give you. You have a story here and it needs to be told. Now onto the more technical and the boring bits of this review.
I am still an armature myself so I'm only offering you what I've learned. Consider these tips.
When you decide to do your edits separate your dialogue from your narration. It makes things much easier to read. And with the exception for inner thoughts, all dialogue goes into parenthesis.
Passive voice sentences. I can't give you a definite definition but i'll show you an example in this piece.
In front of her she had a cauldron.
Just say a Cauldron sat in front of her as she stared down into the green boiling mist inside. Makes for a more impact picture.
I guess he needed it after worrying about you so much,” Paolo said looking over at the red haired elf.
“Perhaps,” he answered.
You need a scene break here.
Elwith was lost deep in sleep but Opal entered into his room, she sat on the edge of his bed she ran her slender fingers through his thick locks. “You thought you could cheat me!” she laughed and dragged her clawed fingers down his chest.
One last thing.
Being that this is a fantasy story, description would definatly help in this piece. You go through some lengths at times but adding a little more will help with the mood of your story. But don't be to broken up by that cause I can feel the dark tone oozing from your piece already. So adding more description will bring it to a whole new level.
Awesome read Keep me posted for your next chapter.