|Ok, pro tip whenever you switch scenes always use ### between your paragraphs that way you can let the reader know you are switching scenes. For example:
She's still here!" he exclaimed dismounting his horse. "Rykon move!" he yelled, a diseased horde consisting of a few boars, forest deer and wolves came charging at the two, the wolves tore Rykon from his horse and the boars and forest deer circled Rysaras splitting him up fromhis brother, Rykon was on the ground and a wolf on his chest.
Paolo had mixed serums and potions to help Elwith but still the captain suffered, the infection had got worse, half the length of his knee length hair was almost black. His eyes had dulled and his veins had turned an even darker shade of black, he was unconscious most of the time. That was when Paolo decided to call upon his paladin powers, he crossed oer his legs, rested his hands on his knees and began to meditate calling upon the light. "I won't lose you captain." He said, his whole being began to light up and his hair began to blow in a gentle breeze, and his hands began to glow.
Rysaras stood in the middle of the woods his sword stabbed into the dirt, he was panting and his limbs were shaking, he was covered in blood from head to toe, his gaze was on the ground, Rykon lay not far from him, he too covered in blood, bite marks lined his chest, arms and legs. Rysaras soon found his strength and lifted his head. "Brother are you still there?" he asked.
There are a few errors i noticed as well so a good edit will sort them out. Above all, this is great I enjoyed this. Cool parts, Opal turns the horses to skeletons and just takes them away from the elves like a boss. I can see her sitting on a tree stump making that happen.
You seem like a story teller and as a story teller, i like for you to take a look at some of my work. You may find something you might. Being that your into heavy fantasy, I reccomend Verse of Estoria edited by Dragon blue or you can just read the unedited version. Personally I feel that your story is a lot stronger than mine so some honest feedback would be nice. If not I won't be offended as I really love what you did here.
If you have more, PLEASE UPLOAD IT SO I CAN READ IT. I'll read it even with its flaws cause the story is that good to me.
Keep writing and i'll keep reading.