Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dvparker22/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Interesting pictures you have painted here...a dragon that cannot fly but fight. Maybe fear is what is keeping her from flying. Not sure, but this is a nice prose. I love the break in the stanzas, it has a nice flow. I think I will include haiku in my novel as well. My wife, Split Celestia, is better at poetry than I am if you check out her page. I like novels more..thanks for the good read. Will be sure to run this by her.
Well these girls are going to have a field day with those guys. Hopefully one of them had some hot sauce for the deep southern taste Lol. Great read. Real curious about the boy. Hope it doesn't bite her in the butt when he grows up.
The cool loot got me. Finding weapons and armor gave for a curious and thrilling read. My favorite was the cool magic bag. LOL I can't imagine what I can hide in that bag. I wouldn't even need a Uhaul to move I'd just take all my stuff and shove it in the bag and just drive there. I'd clear out a grocery store in just minutes lol. Just joking
I'd open a business with that bag LOL. Need to hide a body? No problem. Need to hide money from your gold digging girlfriend? No problem. Need to hide a Uranium P36 Explosive Space Modulator? We got you.
I also like how he gets to use these weapons against the creature in the cave. Made me feel as if i'm in a RPG.
Great read man. The only thing I would recommend fixing is the way you do the action scenes. Try to focus more on what the character is doing above what he's thinking when he's doing them.
Great story. Question. Did eating all of those cursed objects was the reason why everything he ate came back? And good job describing that cursed painting. I know exactly what painting you were referring to. I think I saw it somewhere on a documentary. Anyway great read. Well deserving of an award.
Finished. Ok to sum things I have a good idea what's going on. A scarred one destined to take down a wicked necromancer hellbent on acquiring power of the crown and its three jewels. It's a great read. I followed it from beginning to end and was thoroughly entertained. The only issue I had with this piece is that the group always seem to be one step ahead of the enemy. Having seers predict the future actions of the enemy seemed a bit overpowering. But this is just the first eleven chapters. I will read the remaining chapters once I have time.
Ok this seems like a straightforward piece.Is this a story where a girl has to conceal her magic while living her everyday life? Or does something happens where's she's forced to use it to save someone. I wish i'd knew more. You have the backstory down and the magic environment down. But I would've like to see some conflict in this piece.
Holy crap. Poor woman. Thought she was getting a prince but instead she got a dog. Anyway The story is good and the premise is good as well. I wish I would've heard more from the orc. I.E. The reason why he tortures girls and such. I know there is more to him that meets the eye. Things can feel more foreboding if we knew more about him. Great read though.
Once upon a time, there was a blazing hot sun. Everyday he would check into to his twelve hour shift in light distribution making sure everyone had their fair share. One day, his wife shows up to work and stands in the sun's way to soak up all of his light demanding that he should speak to her. Because of this, the two argued about how much time they don't spend with each other until finally, he embraces her with his outer ring. She leaves satisfied and happy and goes back home.
Love this piece you did here. A female vampire controlling her underling as he works for her business. Goodness I'm amazed at how you can accomplish a lot with very little. I can feel the control the woman has over him and the man desperately tries to resist but his hunger makes him succumb to her whims.
I see what you did there lol. A metaphor for the path of the writer. I truly feel this story and what you chose to accomplish here. Though the Dragon liche thing was a tad bit terrifying. The woman speaking in his ear was an unexplainable terror of failure constantly whispering in his ear keeping him from crossing the bridge. And what it takes is the courage to face death in order for the fear to go away and it's only then you'll find success
Great read. I look forward to your next post.
Best wishes Octavious.
Keep Writing i'm behind you.
Bravo! That was an impressive read. To me I saw the young naive child able to give life as he didn't want to be alone. Then I saw the adult figure which represents death as an experience ethereal being saying that sometimes certain things must stay where they are and not to be tampered with. Great read I will look a some more of your work.
Words cannot describe the pain I felt reading this piece. As a married man myself you definitely made me feel his pain and horror. Lesson learned. Don't cheat on THAT woman. Unless you are packing a flamethrower lol. Good read.
Hello this is Octavioud. I love this story, great impact, great start and great ending. My favorite line was "I guess sometimes the person who brings a knife to a gun fight wins" it totally caught me off guard. i can see that your main character is leading a double life. One where he is a robber and the other he is an very skilled doctor. i am officially a fan of your work please keep writing and if you have the time please review my stories.
Hello, my name is Octavius and after reading this segment, I have to say that the wording was cryptic and chilling. The scenario you described of the man peeping through the blinds was alarming. I like your word usage and descriptive skills; however in certain places i found myself lost in the scenery of it all. For example:
He hated being homeless except for the nights, those long sultry nights spent with as many companions as he could squeeze in to his corrugated cardboard palace.
It was difficult to tell if he was homeless or if he was rich. If you can clarify what you mean i would greatly appreciate it. Overall your story does deliver that chilling and horror feel that you intended to present. I await your next entry.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dvparker22/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 4:58pm on Apr 24, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
