*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/eager2write/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/4
Review Requests: ON
357 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- 5 6 7 ... Next
76
76
for entry "Independence
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Angel !

This is a review of your entry to the No Dialogue Contest. I am also a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Reviewers Group and have just read "Independence. I would like to share my thoughts.

PLEASE REMEMBER: These are only my thoughts and opinions. Take what you can use and throw out the rest.


Overall Impression:
This is a lovely story and a perfect representation of independence. How exciting for Samuel that he was able to go to University. All of his and his parents' hard work paid off.

I believe you had a little difficulty with sentence structure but the overall story was excellent.

I liked this story because it told of not only the parents' dreams and aspirations for their son, but also of the challenges Samuel had to overcome.

My Favorite Part:
My favorite part is learning of how proud Ann and David were of their son. Above everyone's expectations, Samuel rose and was able to make it on his own at University. What a bittersweet moment.

Setting:
This story is about a boy who achieved milestones much later than other children his age. Finally it was determined that this boy was autistic. Under the circumstances he wasn't expected to become as independent as he had. What a fantastic story.

Plot:
Samuel was a strong person, as well as his parents, overcoming numerous obstacles. They all fought hard to create as normal of an atmosphere as possible. The characters were very real to me.

Suggestions:
My only suggestion would be to really look at the sentence structures. Some of the sentences were compound sentences.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
For Ann and David, this was a special day, it was Samuel’s turn to leave, their youngest, they’d already seen Dylan and Tanya married, and Daniel was set up in a flat on the other side of town. This sentence was difficult to read. I think it can be split up into a couple of sentences. Maybe something like this: For Ann and David, this was a special day because it was Samuel's, their youngest's, turn to leave. They had already seen Dylan and Tanya married, and Daniel was set up in a flat on the other side of town.

Final Thoughts/Comments
I really liked this story and your take on the one-word prompt, Independence. Great job!

Sig created by  [Link To Item #2021449]



77
77
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Fivesixer ,

I found this article while looking around during the Game of Thrones. I am also a member of the Paper Doll Gang's Rockin' Reviewers Group and would like to share my thoughts and opinions.

Please know that these are only my thoughts and opinions. Take what you can use and throw out the rest.

*StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB**StarfishB*



I understand this article to be about helping people to see the importance and necessity of relaxing. You gave many different ideas about what we can do to relax.

I read your article and instantly felt like I'd found a new friend. I am also a mental health patient and take medicines regularly. As you stated, when I don't, I go off the rail as well.

It is difficult to find the time to relax, though, especially if you have a family. Between working full-time and raising a family it can get a little tough.

Learning to relax is something everyone seems to struggle with. Is it because we have too much going on and we don't focus on what's healthy for us? Are we doing too many things? Many times, even taking an anti-anxiety medicine, it's hard to work through life's ups and downs.

I'd like to get better at blogging. I don't do it on a regular basis and I don't always find a topic of which to blog, although I know the possibilities are endless. And I agree that blogging is a craft.

I stopped writing for about three years and it was awful. I guess it took me that long to remember what I used to do that made me happy. Now I try to write everyday.

This was an encouraging article and helped me to remember that I need to make a point to relax and write. I thank you for sharing. It's definitely hard to put this kind of information out for the world (WDC) to see.

Happy Writing!

QPdoll

Sig created by  [Link To Item #2021449]
78
78
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, WakeUpAndLive‍‍~2020 .

This is a review for your entry "Independent Indonesia to the No Dialogue Contest. I am also a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Reviewers Group and would like to share my thoughts. Please remember, these are only my thoughts and opinions. Take what you can use and throw out the rest.


Thoughts and Comments
War and terrorist attacks are so disturbing. I can't imagine living through them. I hope to never have first-hand experience.

The atrocities your mother had to endure are unfathomable. The number of human lives lost is heart-wrenching. I just don't understand the reasoning behind such events.

You've shown a kind of timeline of events and history about Indonesia's independence. I did find it a bit difficult to follow as there was a lot of information. I don't understand, from this writing, whether the Netherlands and Indonesia are one in the same. I've never been good with geography so that's why it was confusing to me. So I did a little research and learned that Indonesia and the Netherlands share a special relationship and are not the same.

The question of identity must be quite discomforting. It's good that you don't have any issues being in a Dutch society. How rewarding it must have been to to see Indonesia on Holiday.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Just a few things I noticed:

It got its own state after World War 2 in 1949 when The Netherlands signed the declaration of independence. World War II is typically spelled out in roman numerals.

The previous 4 years had been a very tubulant period in which... Numbers zero through ninety-nine are typically spelled out. Numbers 100 and above are written as numerals. Also, the "r" is missing in "turbulent" and the "a" should be an "e".

Multi-religeous Indonesia was hit by several terroris attacks on Bali... Oops, forgot the "t".

Being an Indo in Dutch society for me personaly has never... Forgot the other "l" in personally.

I enjoyed your writing and I learned a little about Indonesia and the Netherlands. Thank you for sharing. You've done a wonderful job.

I appreciate your entry in the No Dialogue Contest. Good luck.

~QPdoll



79
79
Review of Timmy  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Scifiwizard .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Timmy for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: I was definitely hooked and ready to begin reading the first chapter.

*Crown*Plot/Story: So there really isn't a ghost after all, or is there? Timmy was able to live in the theater for all these years and not get caught. He was a smart boy and helped others while he waited for his parents to return for him. Can he remain hidden or will he be found by the stranger who's looking for him?

*Crown*Characterization: You gave wonderful descriptions and I was able to picture the characters easily.

*Crown*Spelling:
she gave the camera a grin Oops, forgot to capitalize the "s".

the boss wants us on sight for the press conference with cast of adopted boys." I think the word "the" should go between "with" and "cast".

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked the hook at the end of the prologue. It made me want to keep reading to see what happened. I also wanted to know who the creepy man was who wanted Timmy out of the way?

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative and I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

80
80
Review of The Tree  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Stephen Scorer

This is a House Stark Battle review of "The Tree for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: I think you being in the tree symbolizes your desire for rest and relaxation.

*Crown*Plot/Story: I found this to be an interesting story. You're on your way to do your job and find yourself near a tree that has always caught your attention. Then you picture yourself in the strangest place. Eventually, you come back to reality and find that everything is the way it was before you had your vision.


*Crown*Spelling/Grammar:
It is a bright but chilly September morning around eight o'clock , and... Remove the space between "o'clock" and the comma.


Heart FM blurts out loudly on the car radio probably Madonna or someone just has meaningless , to be fair i am not taking to much notice , it is just something to have on in the back ground whilst i negotiate the eight miles or so of bends , junctions , roundabouts and traffic lights . This can be structured a bit differently for easier reading. Something like this:

Heart FM blurts out loudly on the car radio, probably Madonna or someone just as meaningless. To be fair, I am not taking too much notice; it is just something to have on in the background whilst I negotiate the eight miles or so of bends, junctions, roundabouts, and traffic lights.

*Crown*What I Liked: I thought it was pretty cool, the vision you had. You'll have to really think about what it means to you.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative. I really enjoyed it. Happy writing!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

81
81
Review of Out of Place  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, BlueMoon .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Out of Place for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: I'm glad she got away was my first thought.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Eureka was fleeing an abusive relationship. She thought about her mother's abusive relationships and was glad to get away. She didn't want to follow in her mother's or the women of her family's footsteps. She was ready to make a new life somewhere else.

*Crown*Characterization: The fact that Eureka left the relationship is proof that she's a strong and smart woman. I wanted to reach out and reassure her that she was doing the right thing.

*Crown*Punctuation/Spelling:
But the women in her family tree seemed to be gluttons for punishment. prone to attracting violence seemingly just by breathing. The period after "punishment" should be a comma.

She vowed when she was 6 she'd never... Numbers between zero and ninety-nine are typically spelled out and numerals 100 and above are listed as numbers.

She pulled put the ticket she... I think you meant "out" here.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked that Eureka was able to get away with no interference. She did the right thing and I hope she made a great new life.

*Crown*Parting Comments: I really enjoyed this short story. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

82
82
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Stormy Lady

This is a House Stark Battle review of "A better tomorrow? for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: I think the title is perfect for the story. I feel so bad for Mommy.

*Crown*Plot/Story: This woman lives in constant pain and some days are more of a struggle than others. On this day she is in a severe amount of pain and is pretty much just existing for her children. She doesn't want to feel this way. She doesn't want to be in so much pain. She contemplates ending her life, but that fleeting thought is replaced with hope for a better day tomorrow.

*Crown*Characterization: We learn about Mommy through her thoughts and actions but I believe that with a little more description the reader would find it easier to truly see her. What is she suffering from? Was she married? Did she used to play and interact with her children prior to when the pain started? Did her children change between then and now?

*Crown*Spelling:
But I can not run. Cannot is one word.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked that Mommy pushed the thought of ending her life away and turned to the hope of tomorrow being a better day.

*Crown*Parting Comments: I enjoyed your story. Great job! Thank you for sharing.



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

83
83
Review of The Need  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, str8shooter

This is a House Stark Battle review of "The Need for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: This was thoroughly creepy!

*Crown*Plot/Story: You caught my attention and held me suspended throughout the story. This man who was totally traumatized in high school was living out his sick fantasies with those who humiliated him. His need was strong and was only getting worse. Eventually he would run out of victims, no? I suppose he'd go after others when he finished with those old high school bullies.

*Crown*Characterization: He definitely had a sick mind. I wonder how much all of the teasing at school could have contributed to his illness? We learn about him through his experiences and behavior. We also learn about Carrie through her actions. What a mean person she was.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was a pretty suspenseful story. I wonder if he always had the "need" or if it just developed over the years. First he stalked his prey and then pounced. He had a sick love affair with blood and it seemed like revenge wasn't the only reason he had to fulfill his "need".

Thank you for sharing. You did a great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

84
84
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Crow .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "YOU CAN'T LIVE A FANTASY for "Game of Thrones.

*Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown**Crown*


You start this article with a question: Have you ever fantasized about how your life would have turned out had you made different choices? Well, yes. Yes, indeed I have asked myself this question—many times, actually.

My question is why? Why do we ask ourselves this question? Why do we feel unhappy to the point where we fall into that fantasy world?

Funny I should read this article because I feel like you were talking about me. It opened my eyes to see how I'm living my life. I'm not living in the present. I remember thinking last week that I've got to learn to enjoy where I'm at and stop worrying about where I've been and being sad about it. From this point forward I need to face reality and accept it.

I often think about how fun it would be to be an actor because of all the different fantasies they get to play out. But I guess that's not exactly living in the present with thoughts like this, huh?

Would regrets be the same thing as wondering what life would be like if different decisions were made? I think so. How does one learn to accept the choices we've made and move on with life?

I guess, for me the natural road of growing older has been extremely difficult. I find myself wishing I looked like I did at a younger age and feeling like I've squandered away different opportunities.

This was very articulate and filled with wonderful quotes and recommendations. Thank you for sharing this article. I really enjoyed it.


Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

85
85
Review of Twins Without  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, SueVN

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Twins Without for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: Wow. It would be kind of exciting and creepy all at the same time to find someone who looks just like you and claims to be your sister.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Sandy is in a hurry to get to her car so she can get to the school to pick up her son. Little did she know that he'd be waiting for her in the back seat, and he wasn't alone. Suddenly she's addressed by her son and a woman who looks just like her. She learns that this woman is her twin sister, a sister she never knew she had. Now, what would she do?

*Crown*Characterization: Sandy was a hard-working woman who was providing for herself and her son. She loved her son and would do anything for him. The other woman, Susan, is a homeless woman looking for a family. Then she finds Sandy.

*Crown*Grammar
In fact, we've become quite the friends, haven't we Brady?" The sentence might sound better if you used the word "good" instead of the.

In the middle of third night, Susan died, or so they told us." Oops, forgot the word "the".

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was a fun story. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

86
86
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, ZukoRocks30

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Tragedy Off Cape Cod for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: I felt so sad for Rallin and Marina. They both suffered such tragedies. Rallin the loss of his beloved brother and Marina the loss of both of her grandparents.

*Crown*Plot/Story: The plot was fun and interesting, until the end of course. Rorqual was training with their father to take over the kingdom but took time away to spend with his brother until that event turned tragic.

*Crown*Characterization: The characters, Rorqual and Rallin were great. I especially liked their relationship with one another. They were very close and you showed that well with the narrative about their young lives together. I could picture all of them by the way they interacted with each other. You also showed the relationship between Marina and her grandparents well by Marina's yearning and explanation of her grandparents' relationship. Although they were not shown together, I could see how much she loved them.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked the way you portrayed the brothers. I could really feel the love between them.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative and sad. But I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

87
87
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Cheri Annemos .

This is a House Stark review of "Never Underestimate Two Women for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: "Hell hath no wrath..." Talk about revenge. Mr. Buchanan didn't think about the consequences of his actions, for sure.

*Crown*Plot/Story: These two woman made it their goal to do away with Mr. Buchanan for his treacherous ways and they were successful. It was a pact of unspoken understanding. Each fulfilled their roles and he never knew what hit him. Then they were on their way with no intention of ever meeting again.

*Crown*Characterization: They both seemed like the same kind of woman. They were both angry and humiliated but didn't blame each other. The physical descriptions helped me to picture them as they went about their task. They were both well-to-do women who were able to come up with a plan and follow-through.

*Crown*Spelling/Grammar:
Standing back, her eyes drifted upwards and caught the Emily’s blue eyes in the room above. You can remove "the" from this sentence.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked the way they both came together and planned Mr. Buchanan's demise.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was a story of revenge. I really it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

88
88
Review of Almost  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, Cheri Annemos

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Almost for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: I wanted to know if she ever found Tony! I was hoping to read more about her hunt.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Mindy hit the dance club with her friends on the search for a man. She had a couple of hellos but that was all. She had to have one of the men practically escorted out because he was harassing her. Just after that event she met Tony. At the end of the night he walked her to her car and gave her a curl your toes goodnight kiss. The problem is she forgot to get his name or number and to give him hers.

*Crown*Characterization: Mindy was a go-getter. She was up for some fun and was hoping to meet someone, which she did. I could picture her walking into the club and looking around for her friends. So I got a sense of her personality. I only got the idea of a tall, handsome man for Tony.

Spelling/Grammar

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was a fun story. I enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

89
89
Review of Memories of Fall  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Winnie Kay .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Memories of Fall for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: Oh, Winnie. My eyes watered and I thought I'd just break down and bawl. I used to go hunting with my husband and thoroughly enjoyed spending time out in the quiet forest, so I can relate to Wilma's experiences.

*Crown*Plot/Story: I could feel the depth of Wilma's love for Thomas as she sat alone with her thoughts and his presence. I can't image how difficult it would be to lose the love of my life, my best friend. It has to be so difficult to get over or past the death of a spouse.

*Crown*Characterization: I loved Wilma. My heart went out to her. You made me want to hold her. I could definitely picture her sitting out on her porch rocking in her chair. I could totally picture Thomas being a big man who worked hard to support and care for his wife.

*Crown*What I Liked: This sentence really touched me: I close my eyes as I rock on the porch of the cabin and his familiar large frame appears.

*Crown*Parting Comments: I just wanted to reach out to Wilma and tell her that I didn't know from experience but I could certainly empathize. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

90
90
Review of Fatal Attraction  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, TJ Marie .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Fatal Attraction for "Game of Thrones. Please know that these are simply my thoughts and opinions. Take what works for you and disregard the rest.


*Crown*First thoughts: Well, Natasha didn't exactly have control of her emotions. Hopefully, she doesn't lash out like that every time she gets angry or upset.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Natasha has a surprise planned for Corey for when he gets home from a fishing trip with buddies. To her dismay, he calls her before he gets home to tell her he wants to take a break. Natasha is incensed by his proclamation.

*Crown*Characterization: Natasha was a woman in love and really wanted to give her man a sexy surprise. Unfortunately, that surprise was deflated. Her anger was unexpected and showed her personality, making her surprise seem a little scary.

*Crown*Spelling/Grammar:
I just like I have been neglecting some things in my life, I don’t want to hurt you.” I think this was just an oversight. Possibly you meant "It's just that"?

One more Spelling/Grammar

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was kind of creepy story once you get to know Natasha. I enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

91
91
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, rjsimonson .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Sirurie's new life for "Game of Thrones. Please know that these are only my thoughts and opinions. Please take what you like and disregard the rest.


*Crown*First thoughts: What is it that Sirurie was in need of? What kind of being was she? I think she was a type of phoenix.

*Crown*Plot/Story: I couldn't quite figure out what the ultimate goal was. But going with the phoenix scenario I could see that she maybe needed to get away from John to save his life. Unfortunately, her attempt to save him failed.

*Crown*Characterization: I wish I could have gotten to know Sirurie better. I wasn't able to grasp a good sense of who she was. I could see John as a caring sailor and he tried really hard to help her. I believe there was some kind of connection between the two.

*Crown*Spelling/Punctuation:
...as well as, her to thin body. Oops, forgot the other "o".

Her arms were restrained was she some kind of prisoner. I believe this sentence would make more sense if it were separated like this: Her arms were restrained. Was she some kind of prisoner?

Several people came bustling through the door, all wearing some sort of white uniforms. This should be singular because you are speaking of one kind of uniform. So it could be reworded like this: Several people...all wearing the same kind of white uniform.

Soon the people left the room they removed the restraints once she calmed down. This sentence was confusing to me. Perhaps it could be reworded. Once she calmed down, the restraints were removed and the people left the room.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was incomplete but so creative. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

92
92
Review of Wrong Longing  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Than Pence .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Wrong Longing for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: This was an exciting story with a sad but happy ending. Yea for happy endings! I really felt for Tyler who was really missing his mom, but also for David who was really missing his wife.

*Crown*Plot/Story: David had to do something to help Tyler accept his mother's death. While on an archaeological dig Tyler discovers some stones that he's been told have magical powers and can bring his mom back to them. David has to convince Tyler that it's not true.

*Crown*Characterization: I could see these characters pretty well. Your description of Tyler certainly helped me to picture him. David was a little sketchy for me, though. However, I could feel the love David had for his son and how much he wanted to help him through his grief.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked that the two of them were able to spend time together on a dig. It was a great bonding moment when he David woke up in the middle of the night to find his son searching the excavation site for the stones.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

93
93
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Jay

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Not Exactly Helen of Troy for "Game of Thrones. Please know these are only my thoughts and opinions. Take what you want, if anything, and disregard the rest.


*Crown*First thoughts: It's good that Izzy didn't let the opportunity to get to know Sophia pass. Izzy decided to take the bus with her.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Izzy went to the museum and couldn't concentrate on the artwork due to Sophia's presence. Try as Izzy might, there was no escaping her. Would there be a connection?

*Crown*Characterization: I like the description of Izzy and Sophia. I felt like I was standing in the museum with them.

*Crown*Spelling/Punctuation:
Just a couple of things I noticed.
she probably hates dark blue
Oops, forgot to capitalize the S.

"Really?" Should I be surprised or not? I have no choice. "What's your name?" These sentences should be in italics as it is inner dialogue.

*Crown*What I Liked: I like that Izzy took the scary initiative to continue with their first meeting by walking to the bus with her. Hopefully, this will be the beginning of a great relationship.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative and kind of funny. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

94
94
Review of Life's a Circus  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, Mage

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Life's a Circus for "Game of Thrones. Please know that these are just my thoughts and opinions. Take what you want and disregard the rest.


*Crown*First thoughts: Garrett certainly had a chaotic life and lots of family and friends.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Forgive me, but I had a difficult time trying to decipher the plot of this story. I didn't understand what the ultimate goal was. My understanding was that Garrett was hiding from someone and looking for a way to disappear, so he found a circus to join, one that was familiar to him. In addition, he had a wife who was angry with him.

*Crown*Characterization: There were a lot of characters in this story. I couldn't keep straight who was who. I wasn't able to see them.

*Crown*Spelling:
Now or I’m leave you both behind. I'll leave you...

Estella was leaning way to close as I drove Oops, forgot the "o".

The rides had been pretty beat up...decided to sorta fixed them. I think you meant "fix".


*Crown*Parting Comments: This was interesting and creative. Nice job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

95
95
Review of Margarettville  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, CJ Reddick

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Margarettville for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: This was an interesting and creepy little bug story. No wonder their town's population was only 50.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Henry and Marge were simply on their honeymoon when things went awry. One little deviation from their path brought them to a deadly little town. My guess is the rest of the bugs didn't make it back to the bus either.

*Crown*Characterization: You did a good job bringing Henry and Marge alive even though they were dragonflies. If only they would have stayed in their room, they'd be alive.

*Crown*Spelling/Grammar:
Henry ducked behind a column, because what he saw something he wasn’t supposed to see. I think you missed the word "was" in between saw and something.

*Crown*What I Liked: I love the personification. Bringing Henry and Marge to life like people helped to develop this story into a more human nature.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative, a little funny, and a lot creepy. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

96
96
Review of George Loses It  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, 🛸 Sum1 🗿

This is a House Stark Battle review of "George Loses It for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: Darn that sixth sense of ours! *Laugh* It'll get you in trouble every time it's used.

*Crown*Plot/Story: The story line is priceless. George is off for a day of hunting like he's done many times before. But this time he was so tuned into nature that he was able to hear the trees, grass, and animals talking to him. He thought he was going insane, which he was, slowly. But it wasn't himself doing the driving.

*Crown*Characterization: I liked George. He'd had a bummer patch of hunting lately and was really looking forward to bagging a great buck. I could picture him with all of his gear and his gun walking around the woods.


*Crown*Spelling/Punctuation:
He woke early at 4am I believe this should be written like 4:00 a.m. or 4:00 AM.

As he sat there , he could almost hear whispering in the wind. Oops, there's a space before the comma.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked this hunting story. I used to hunt with my husband for many years before we had children. I sometimes miss those early morning treks into the woods where everything was quiet and your imagination could run wild. Funny thing is for those ten or so years I hunted with him I never bagged anything. I got off plenty of shots, but I just couldn't get past all the jitters. I could hold my breath forever and let it out again, but that never helped me. I guess I wasn't meant to shoot anything. *Ha*.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was creative and funny. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

97
97
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, vince

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Nereid Chapter-One *WC 1,900 for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: Boy am I glad that I'm not a Navy SEAL! Too much excitement for me.

*Crown*Plot/Story: I think it's hard to determine the plot as this isn't a short story. The SEALS are on a mission and in order to complete their mission they must descend a one hundred foot rope to get to the mountainside. They make it to their descent but the last person to head down the rope found himself falling farther than expected and beat up pretty bad to the point of unconsciousness. When he awoke his men were nowhere to be found.

*Crown*Characterization: We got a little sense of the various characters. Each of them were experienced jumpers and had been in the Navy for a number of years. So we got a little look into them but not a great sense of who each of them were.


Punctuation:


*Crown*What I Liked: I liked the bravery that each SEAL showed. None of them seemed to be the least put off by the idea of having to descend a one hundred foot rope.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was exciting and creative. I enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

98
98
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Gaby .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Wishful Illusions for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: Based on this line: ...a loud echo of a book closing reached his ears, had me wondering if this could possibly be a history book, or maybe a journal or scrapbook. So many options.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Jace became super aware of a special being around him on certain occasions. He was unable to see her but he could hear and feel her. He got so absorbed with this person that he didn't show the slightest interest in others.

*Crown*Characterization: Jace is a stubborn person. He has an interest in this ghost, or special being. It shows how open he is to the discovery that he might be able to have a conversation and possibly a relationship with her even though he can't see her.

*Crown*Spelling/Punctuation:
His heart beat sped up and his chest tightened... This should be one word.

"Who are you," he dared to ask before a knock on his door interrupted him. The comma should be a question mark.

How could he not, she thought. This should be a question mark.

*Crown*What I Liked: I like that the special being could actually hear Jace's thoughts. They were interesting interactions.

*Crown*Parting Comments: This was pretty creative. I enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

99
99
Review of The Poking Stick  
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Noner Says.... .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "The Poking Stick for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: Siblings can be so mean. Sometimes it's hard to fight back. I got a sense that Nelson did this all the time and I wondered why he hadn't gotten in trouble for it himself. Maybe because he didn't poke as hard as he got.

*Crown*Plot/Story: I believe the plot to be one of revenge, even if Roddy didn't give the revenge. It was doled out by an unknown creature found in the basement. Nelson got a taste of what he'd been giving Roddy. Turn around is fair play, right?

*Crown*Characterization: Roddy was a boy that didn't really stick up for himself. He let his brother, Nelson, bully him. Although it's hard to fight back against a sibling who is constantly harassing the other, especially when that sibling is younger.

*Crown*Spelling:
A small greenish brown hand reach out and sweep up the poking stick.

*Crown*What I Liked: I liked that Nelson got to experience a bit of what he was doing to Roddy. Possibly that would cease him antagonizing his brother.

*Crown*Parting Comments: I really enjoyed the story. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

100
100
Review by ~QPdoll
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Never Caroline .

This is a House Stark Battle review of "Everyone Loves an American Girl for "Game of Thrones.


*Crown*First thoughts: I loved reading about Cara's fantastic experiences in Italy. What an opportunity. I wish I had had an opportunity to travel to another country as a young adult. Heck, it'd be nice if I could visit now! My niece spent a semester studying in France and I was so happy for her. It was an exciting time.

*Crown*Plot/Story: Cara grew so much in Italy, learning to be herself and enjoying being who she was. She was able to carry over that same attitude when she got back home to her school life, which was awesome.

*Crown*Characterization: I enjoyed watching Cara's confidence build with each event she experienced while in Italy. I didn't read about a description of Cara, but I sure liked her spirit. She had a wonderful outlook.

*Crown*What I Liked: This was one of my favorite parts: At home there were designer purses and suburban Escalades but no art, prep school and cheerleading but no beauty, sunshine and tanning but no warmth.

*Crown*Parting Comments: You say that you're a better poet than a story teller, but this is a lovely story. You write very well and should consider writing more short stories. I really enjoyed it. Great job!



Lady QPdoll, House Stark

** Image ID #2088926 Unavailable **

169 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 7 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/eager2write/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/4