|Let me start by saying that I love this story, it takes an old concept but makes it completely original in its own way. Intriguing is the correct word to sum up my ultimate feelings for this interactive. Good characters, fun story, excellent plot device. However, there are several things that prevent from giving this a perfect score.
The biggest thing was the fact that you used the first chapter to divide up the setting, characters, and information on the book. Now I understand, it's important that you let the reader know the vivid details of these things, else they'll be totally lost if they decide to add to the interactive themselves. But it just feels...gamey for lack of a better word.
You remember back in the day when video games came in a box with a nice fat manual that had all the background information you needed to know for the story? You approach to describing the details of the story kind of reminds me of that tactic, no offense to you.
It might just be personal tastes but I LOVE a story where I have to slowly figure out the character. You somewhat take out half the fun when you label everything in a huge separate chapter at the beginning of the story like that. See, the beauty of an interactive, at least from my perspective, is that you give people ideas and you see what they do with them. I've had some brilliant ideas for characters and plot that people took and went totally another way with them that I would have never thought of.
What I'm saying is, by setting up these early information chapters you're limiting the directions the story can go. Yes, you're providing us a very handy index on the characters, but at the same time it limit the creativity of the story.
Seriously though, don't let what I said get you down. It's a brilliant, brilliant piece of work mate. You could call my complaints problems with my own tastes. Can't wait to read more.