I like the theme and the use of similes and metaphors. However, it is not written in the form of a poem and word like pronoun "I" must be capitalized. In doing so, the audience will enjoy your poem and it is more effective. Keep on writing!
I like the way you personified your emotions to things like thunder, lightning, storm clouds and rainbow as personification is one of the elements of a good poem. However, I noticed some words as " drowns" should be drown; "lightening" should be lightning; and "rainbows that follow" should be rainbow that follows. Just a suggestion. Keep on writing!
It's good to read a personal essay about someone looking for love though somewhat sad. It will remind people about relationships and family. However, I noticed the sentence structure is not that effective and punctuation is not properly used ; e.g. some commas used should be periods and some letters should be capitalized in doing so, the essay you've written would be more effective and readers would enjoy reading your essay. Just a suggestion! Keep on writing!
It has a good theme and creative on the first few paragraphs. A dialogue of this theme is better too. Just a suggestion. I noticed too on sentence as in "Isn't it time we should helped them?" I think it shoulld be "help." Just a suggestion. Thanks too for its a reminder for us to take care of animals.
It's good to read your personal essay. Don't be disappointed. The three mistakes your teacher pointed are the most common mistakes. You are not alone. The best thing to do is to study and perfect them. Write on!
The depth of emotions is there. However, the flow of the poem is not that effective.And I noticed the word "alright' must be "all right." Just a suggestion.Keep on writing.
You have expressed your emotions in your poem and somehow the depth of feeling is there. However, I've noticed that some words are not unified as in the first line "...forgotten in my mind, nor heart." It would be better if there is unity as in "...forgotten in my mind, nor my heart."And on the second line there is a misplaced word as in "but you soon will forget..." It's better this way "but soon you will forget..."Just a suggestion.Keep on writing.
The theme of your poem is relevant nowadays.Many people are wearing masks.I like the last line of your poem "And only when you lose the mask, can you at last be free."I prefer unmask to lose.Just a suggestion. Your poem is a reminder too.Keep on writing!
Ako po ay hindi OFW, pero ako po ay Filipino.Natutuwa po ako na makabasa dito sa WDC ng isang tula na Filipino.Maganda po ang theme ng tula nyo at nagpapahiwatig ng concern sa mga OFW.Maganda rin po ang pagkakasulat ng inyong tula.God Bless po sa inyong layunin at Best regards po!
I've read the chapter one of your book "My Name is Fidelity." It is good and the characters, settings, and the climax of chapter one are all effective.Its climax when they were confronting and when Fidelity wanted to shoot him are all presented well in your writing.Its kind of suspense too. However, I've noticed a sentence that expressed the anger of Fidelity to Tom as in " you are the reason she's gone." I hope you elaborate on this sentence and tell more on the character of her mother.Probably in other chapters.Just a suggestion.
One thing I noticed too is the title and he name "fidelity." The first time I read the title what comes to my mind is that this story probably about "a couple" because of the word fidelity.However, it's a different story.My suggestion is that you can change the name fidelity into a real name yet if the name fidelity has a link in the story you may not change it.Just a suggestion and in my opinion.
Your opening paragraph is good. And it signifies suspense. The arrangement of sentences is good too and the grammar is correct.
I'm looking forward to read the Chapter two of your book.Best regards! Have a lovely day! Thanks too.
ladygrace
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