Hello Stephe R. Seede, my name is Ben, and I'm a member of the WDC Power Reviewers. This is a review of your article, entitled "Reading, Writing, & the Joys of Literacy".
Ideas and Development
I felt like this area was very weak. At the very beginning you provided a summary, which was very strange. Should this not the summary be at the end of the article? By the time I had read through the entire article, I had completely forgotten what your subject was. Upon looking, I found your summary on the top of the page, and tried to deduce the main topic of the paper. I believe that your main subject was that reading/writing was the dominant cornerstone of the imagination until it got replaced by the internet and electronics. I didn't really see this in your paper, however.
Overall, I think that you have a good idea on your hands, which ought to be communicated to your audience in the best way possible. However, it felt more like a discussion on a broad scale, where the conversation quickly jumps from one topic to the next. If you want to be effective in this area, then you take your idea and you present it in your opening paragraph. Then, every following paragraph builds on the main subject, and every sentence builds on the previous one. Make the audience feel that you are taking them somewhere, and then give the solution/conclusion/summary in the last paragraph. Try to stamp your main idea into their minds so that they will not forget it.
I feel like you have a good, important idea. I also feel that you did not organize your information, but, then again, your information was hardly related to idea. The following is a list of the main points of every paragraph.
Main theme: Reading and writing is getting replaced by the internet and electronics, and is now getting taken for granted.
Paragraph 1: Children learn to read and write in kindergarten, and the books that teachers read to them are along the lines of Curious George, Marvel characters, etc.
Paragraph 2: People say that they don't like to read because it is time-consuming.
Paragraph 3: It seems as though the only books that people are interested in are self-help books.
Paragraph 4: Fictional books are not a dying breed.
Paragraph 5: In the 1990s most fictional writers became co-signment authors, but had to deal with the following problems: ...
Paragraph 6: It can be costly to finance a book you want to publish, but in the end you make a large profit.
Paragraph 7: However, it is not guaranteed that your book will sell, so people just do everything online.
Paragraph 8: I'm assuming that some writers still use the co-signment option.
Paragraph 9: Good writers are not too judgmental, and bad writers try to get even with people that they don't like by making them a bad character in their story.
Paragraph 10: If you are going to do this however, then you should alter the names and mix up the personalities so that you don't get caught.
Paragraph 11: Writing a book can be very rewarding, but you should really polish up the grammar and word usage if you are going to.
Paragraph 12: Writing can be self-inspirational, and you can even be inspired by your readers.
Paragraph 13: You should read "How to Write and Sell your First Novel" if you really want to become an author.
Are you starting to see what I'm seeing? I get the impression from your paper that there is hardly a single paragraph that is contributing to the main theme above, unless I read everything incorrectly. Try to adjust your paragraphs so that they build on each other and work towards a common goal.
Voice & Tone
It is of my impression that you could do really well in this area, if it weren't for the poor organization that distracts the reader. You sound like the type of author that can really persuade the crowd and inspire them. I believe that this work can do wonders with some rewriting and adjustments.
If I am correct, then you have a well-developed vocabulary. This can be beneficial, and earn the respect of the reader. You also did not overdo the entire paper with flowery language and "twenty-dollar" words, which is always a plus. I didn't find anything distracting, like repeating words or phrases or flamboyant, incomprehensive language.
Your fluency was excellent, and I know this because nothing sounded "bumpy", besides the change of topics. By this I mean that your sentences flowed together well, and you took advantage of transitional words, which really helped.
Conventions & Presentation
Your conventions was a little lacking. Your spelling was decent, but your grammar could use some work. There was also a lot of typos, and common mistakes such as "There" instead of "They're", and things like that. This can easily fixed by rereading the paper however, and fixing mistakes as you go.
Your presentation was excellent. A plus in your presentation was bolding subtitles over different sections of work, even if they weren't related. You also took advantage of formats such as bolding, italicizing, and indented your paragraphs. All of this was visually appealing, and really affect your overall presentation in a positive way.
"You'll be surprised at how your mind will open up to things you were uninformed about as your knowledge grows from all the research you do, and hopefully you can attribute this knowledge to other aspects of your life too, in a positive way."
I honestly think that you are a talented, knowledgeable writer. However, this particular composition needs some rewriting, but that's the summary of just about any paper out there, especially mine. I hope that you take my suggestions and opinions under consideration, and put more articles on your portfolio. I look forward to them!
Ben from the WDC Power Reviewers
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