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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ehwharton
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10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Eric Wharton
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great poem that emphasizes life's truths at a deeper level than at first seems apparent. I don't know if your characters are real, depict real events, or actually said those things, but that truly doesn't matter. What this poem shows is that those trite little sayings we sometimes hear, and unfortunately say to others, really have little meaning. Life is about finding those supposed "truisms" to be false and following our own path. It's a profound conclusion.

As far as form, it's good, though the meter doesn't alway stay consistent. That the first couplet of each quatrain stays in generally iambic trimeter lends a sing-songy feel to the poem, which I like. It's very compelling, though you slip away from that on occasion. For example:

My grandma used to say,
"A lady’s always polite."

Could easily be rewritten to keep the meter the same and maintain the meaning with:

My grandma used to say,
"A lady is polite."

That evens out the flow. Another example is in the first quatrain. Simply by taking out one word, the whole quatrain sings (the "so" throws it off):

My grandma used to say,
“You are just what you eat.”
I wonder if one day
I’ll grow some chicken feet.

I think with a little revision, it would flow a little better. A lot of that could be helped by removing the conjunctions at the beginning of your lines (but and so). They tend to place the stress on the first syllable, which changes the meter from Iambic to trochaic. That's not a bad thing if the lines continued in that meter, which they tend not to.

However, the rhyming scheme was spot-on and I throughly enjoyed it as I was reading. You did a great job with this poem, and I thank you for sharing it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Perspective  
Review by Eric Wharton
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love flash fiction and this is a good example of it. It moves along quickly with a tightness to it. It wasn't hard to follow along with the main character as she (I presume) was going through the process of picking up her boyfriend's car, all the while sharing her trepidation about driving a stick shift.

You gave inklings about what was to happen and it really came as no surprise when the car went down the hill, although I was expecting it to go careening out of control down the street and cause an accident. It was a nice and pleasant (unpleasant for her) surprise that you put her in an untenable situation. I thoroughly enjoyed that twist, with foreshadowing of real dread. One can only surmise she may not have survived

If I were to make one suggestion, it would be to spend less time with picking the car up and more time dealing with her predicament that resulted from her attempt to foolishly drive the car. That's the most captivating part and draws the reader in more than the first part of the story. It would be great to see that expanded with more of her thoughts and feelings.

Although the ending is quite enjoyable as she diverts her attention to something more mundane—almost as if she's too flighty to fully understand the depth of her problem. Then, of course, that may have been your intent.

Great little story and thank you for sharing it with us.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Eric Wharton
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent article. You're absolutely right, we want to come up with full-proof methods for everything we do, as if what works for one person works for everyone. The truth, as you've expressed so well, is to seek first a relationship with God. Everything else follows from there. Very well said.

The flow of the article was good, the example were nice (38 million? Wow!). You took us through to a logical conclusion. Very well written.

I found no grammar errors.
4
4
Review of A Moment In Life  
Review by Eric Wharton
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so relaxing. Your tone contributes to the overall impression of the piece. It's not only the words but the easy way your writing comes across that makes this a great read.

I also like all the attention to the senses, particularly sound and touch. Writers too often, myself included, lean too much on sight. You did a good job of including all the senses, except taste of course. But who would want to taste bubbles. *Smile*

All in all, very well done.
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