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381 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
for entry "Beginning Again
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
this is a wonderful poem that follows the prompt very well. I can follow it easily and its imagery is beautiful.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I only see one grammatical error in the whole poem...

Line: 10, "It's time to set you (should be "your") goals in motion,"

other than this one word, everything else is great. *Smile*

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I love the world view you've placed in this poem. You've set a great point of view for starting again. And given several different views for the one writing the novel to look at.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
My favorite line in the whole poem is the very last...

"Lift your chin, breathe deep and make a start"

I believe this is uplifting. It really speaks to what I want to do this year.

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2
2
Review of The Little Hare  
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
You have a good story idea and you portray the rabbit and wolves well.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
There are a ton of grammar errors in the story. If you don't have one already, I would suggest using a grammar checker (Word is the simplest, Grammarly is one of the best). It really makes a difference in your writing. Also, before posting, re-read your writing at least twice. You can catch words that sound alike but are spelled differently. Anyway, here is what I found....Red are wrong words ...Blue are my suggested corrections.....Green are any other suggestions.
LinkTextHere

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
Your overall characterization and world view of the wolves and rabbit is spot on. I think you did a great job with those.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
Remember that though I've suggested some changes, it is your story. And don't forget to do some spell checking before posting. it will go a long way with regards to other people wanting to read your stories.

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3
3
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is SOOOOOOO beautiful. I've always loved snow leopards. Other than tigers, they are my favorite large cat. Well, cheetahs too...because they're the only large cat that doesn't roar... they purr. *Smile* And of course, polar bears are AWSOME. They are the only animal in which their fur is clear, it's not actually white. And their body conducts so much heat that they actually roll around in the snow and swim in the water to cool off. I'm just full of useless information. LOL 😂 Again, great pic for a sig.

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4
4
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
The title drew me in because I was curious. And the imagery of the poem is fun and keeps me reading.

*TeaO* Form/Flow/Rhythm & Rhyme:
For the most part, the flow, Rhythm, and Rhyme of the poem are good. It follows along with the song "Frosty the Snowman" fairly well without too much of a variant. For me, the form of the poem could be a little better.
LinkTextHere

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
As I mentioned I like how you made it fairly close to the song and it plays well with the words. I find no wrong spelling or punctuations.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
I actually love the first stanza of this poem...

Who's the big man with the blue knit hat?
Muffler of wool and a tummy that's fat?
King for a day, and he loves the road
With a shovel cane and a heart of gold

It really sets the tone and I wanted to read more about the plowman. Such a great beginning.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
A good poem that gave me a good chuckle. Definitely worth the read.



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5
5
Review of Tyro  
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
The poem made me think about my own way of learning.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I had to look up the word Tyro. I wasn't sure what it meant. My first thought was that you meant to say "tower".

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I think you have a great poem that portrays the beginning of a young girl's life. Well done.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I'm not sure the poem is about learning so much as starting over? Or even, if you rephrased the last line, it could be of a baby entering the world for the first time. Only a suggestion.

Anyway, great poem. I truly enjoyed it.

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6
6
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
You accomplish the task of the contest very well. The piece is written with purpose and tells about your day from beginning to end.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I can see no problems with grammar and (a rare note) I have no suggestions for this piece. *Smile*

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
You've accomplished your view very well. You've put forth your faith in God and how He plays a large part in your life. You tell the reader how you start and end the day with God and how this helps you "center" yourself. You make sure to not let the world cling to you. And to only dwell on God.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
This is what I take away from your writing....
"As the day unfolds, I take moments to re-center. God smiles at me and I bask in his warmth."
Thank you.

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7
7
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I love the title and the place the poem takes me. It's meant to take me to my imagination and back to writing on the page and it does just that. A very good job. The use of descriptive wording is perfect for what you want the reader to experience.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
So your grammar is actually really good. There are only a couple of things I would suggest. Remember they're only suggestions and you don't have to use them.
1) unbound to worry or , anxiety, or anything else that wants to crush my spirit. (just take out some or's, include a comma)
2) She does not come if I am weighted (perhaps weighed) down by the world;
3) She wants to play, to talk, to let the moment encompass both of (perhaps delete these two words) us
4) Letting it flow over me like a song playing a melody that only I can hear. (an odd phrase when saying song and melody. I get it but perhaps delete it? or just keep song or melody?)


*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
As I mentioned at the start...I really do love how you've created the poem. It takes me to my own imagination and makes me want to create something. Whether it's something to write or create something on my sewing machine or needles. Creating is a wonderful thing and this poem brings it out.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
The only last suggestion I have is this line....
Here, I meet my muse and we walk untethered to reality.(?)
I had thought your muse was taking you to your imagination? Where does reality fit in?

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
So my favorite line of this whole piece is....
"Here I am free, I am open. I am truly myself.
There is no deadline here."

Keep on writing. I love what you have.

Elfin Dragon
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8
8
Review of Tipsy New Year  
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
I loved both the title and the imagery of the poem. You knew what the poem was going to be about as you started reading about it. Great on this account.

*TeaO* Form/Flow/Rhythm & Rhyme:
The poem flowed beautifully and there were no breaks with the flow and rhythm.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
Each word had purpose and meaning in this poem. And I saw no errors with the spelling and punctuation. A great job with this. *Smile*

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"until the sober sun dawns bright" -- I like this like because you bring the sun in upon the "tipsy" new year in an unexpected way. It's also a great way to break the course of the poem and change its direction from tipsy to hung over. lol.

Again, wonderful little poem. Good luck.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*




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9
9
Review of Surving Insanity  
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
I was drawn to your title of "Surviving Insanity". Because I'm always seeming to do just that at times in my life and I wanted to hear what you had to say on the subject. The imagery you put forth was stunning.

*TeaO* Form/Flow/Rhythm & Rhyme:
The poem with regards to all these was good with one exception. It really needs to have spaced stanzas. It's difficult to read in its current format and begs for greater pauses.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
I think you've done an excellent job with your words, spelling, and punctuation. As mentioned though, with the pauses some separation for stanzas could be a welcome sight.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"In a medication-induced stupor That I was the definition Of the many labels"
This line rang true for me. I've been in this state of mind and had to have someone point it out to me. It's sometimes difficult to see things like this when you're inside it. I'm glad I had caring people show me what I was missing.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
I like the poem as a whole. It's very descriptive and in the end hopeful for a new way of life. I'm glad you shared this with us.



WDC Power Review Sig, winged tigerElfin DragonOfficially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo. Image #2083210 over display limit. -?- Image #2098718 over display limit. -?- http://elfindragonlisag.blog


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10
10
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
The title drew me in. I suppose because I've got insomnia and dreaming is often a luxury for me. I did also like the imagery of the poem as well. It showed throughout the poem.

*TeaO* Form/Flow/Rhythm & Rhyme:
There's no real rhyme to the poem and other than a 4/5/4/5 lines for the stanzas, that just leaves the flow and rhythm of the poem. Both are pretty good, though just a bit choppy due to where the punctuation is. More on that next.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
Your word choice in this piece was great. It described everything you wanted the reader to see and fee. And there were no spelling errors that I could see. The punctuation seemed a bit weird to me at points. You have periods in the middle of lines instead of at the end of lines. This makes the poem feel more choppy than it needs to be.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"When soon he became bored, opened the door to set the driving winds of his mind screaming."
I like this line because it's often the way I feel when I become bored and can't think of something else to do. My mind is screaming for some stimulation.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
I enjoyed this poem very much. I think it shows what can happen if we don't follow at least one dream in our lives. We always need to keep striving for something new.



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11
11
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
The title is what caught my eye immediately. Of course, I want to read something about Rasputin! *BigSmile* Who wouldn't? And what? He was framed? Please tell me more! And the imagery you give of his death is wonderful. Especially from his viewpoint.

*TeaO* Form/Flow/Rhythm & Rhyme:
Not concerned about the form or rhyme of the poem, but the flow and rhythm could use a little tightening up. There are a few spots that are a little rough with the flow. The lines just need to be moved a bit to help with the flow. (a personal preference) Here's my suggestion, remember it's just that, a suggestion - it's still your poem
Dropnote


*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
I believe I only say one spelling error in the poem and I highlighted it for you in the above dropnote. Otherwise, everything else is great.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"I shouldn't have listened to the talking snake."
I think I like this line because it applies to all of us. We too often listen to the "bad" side of us instead of the "good" side. I think this poem portrays that "bad" side very well.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
A great poem with wonderful overtones of what it would be like to be Rasputin in his final moments. Great use of words and descriptions.



WDC Power Review Sig, winged tigerElfin DragonOfficially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo. Image #2083210 over display limit. -?- Image #2098718 over display limit. -?- http://elfindragonlisag.blog


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12
12
Review of Storms  
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
The title draws the reader right into the poem, engaging them to read more. The imagery is great. I can hear the warning sirens and feel the weather the storm is churning. A great job here.

*TeaO* Form/Flow/Rhythm & Rhyme:
Starting off with the first few lines I thought there was a great Rhythm and flow to the poem and almost a Rhyme going as well. But then the third and fourth stanzas broke the flow of the poem. Breaking up the stanzas to slightly shorter lines might help.
A suggestion only - you can probably think of something better -
Dropnote

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
I love your word choice, the only exception (as you can see in the above suggestion) is the spelling of the word "cool" which I changed to cold. It's a word choice which is only because we generally say, "hot to cold".

The only other thing I'll mention here is with regards to punctuation. If you're going to use it in one place (at the end of a sentence), you need to use it throughout your poem. Ex: 2nd Stanza, line 4 - "I on the other hand do not." needs a comma before "on" and after "hand". I would suggest running your work through Grammarly or some other type of spellchecker. But it's a poet's prerogative to use or not punctuation.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"It's exhilarating to feel the strong winds" - I love wind, I think mostly because it reminds me of when my brother and I would go flying stunt kites. Strong winds were the best for that.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
A good poem which reminded me of several things at once. A good storm raging outside, kite flying, and parents telling me to come in out of the rain. Great imagery in your poem.



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13
13
Review by Lisa
Rated: E | (4.0)
Once upon a time there was a lonely dragon.
Everyday he would look at the stars and wonder if there were any other dragons in the world.
One day, While looking at the stars one fell not far from where he lived.
Because of that, he decided to fly over and see what the star looked like. All he had was curiosity as he flew closer and the light grew dimmer.
Until finally, he viewed the star in its crater and saw it was no light at all but another dragon. One who now looked back at him with caring eyes. The lonely dragon knew he would be lonely no more.


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14
14
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
Your title and imagery were beautiful. I immediately knew what you wanted me to see with this poem.

*TeaO* Form/Flow/Rhythm & Rhyme:
With just 24 syllables you created a lovely flow which brought me to the Hawaiian Islands where Peli ruled. A beautiful yet strong force. Wonderful image.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
The only word which stood out was the word "an" before "homage". I believe you meant to say "a". I'm not sure if you're allowed to fix it before the contest is over but it's the only thing I saw.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
My favorite lines were:
"The rock to which I come home."
It's nice to have something special to come home to. Especially when that someplace has such history and beauty as the Hawaiian Islands do.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
I thought this poem was a great tribute to the Islands and, of course, the goddess Peli. It also brought a sense of nostalgia we all have for home. I enjoyed this poem a lot. Good luck in the contest.



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15
15
Review of Soul Mates  
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
You asked if the dialog were something a guy would say. I would say, yes...it is. I know my ex would say things like that all the time. *Smile* well, most of the time. I think most guys are soft-hearted and just don't want to admit it in public. So you've hit the nail on the head here. Especially with a 40 year anniversary.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
In the second paragraph after Lucky's "thoughts" you have him "wandering" instead of "wondering". I know small error but big difference in what he'd be doing. I'm pretty sure I didn't find any other glaring errors.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I liked the Characterization you've created and your world view. Very well thought out.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
I actually don't have any suggestions. *BigSmile* A rarity for me.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I loved the story line and I especially loved the daughter calling at the end of the story. Nice touch.

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16
16
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Though I found this interesting and well thought out...to me this seems more like a flash fiction story than actual poem. There also seems a few inconsistencies in the piece.

"We stopped at the sound of the Frost Owl, unaware of its cry."....How can you be unaware of its cry when you just heard it?

"We realize the Frost Owl is above us.
As his cry echo's within the forest." .....When things echo, it's difficult to pinpoint where things are. So unless you look above you, how can you realize the owl is above you?

As I tell many people, I'm not an expert on poetry by any means. Please take my suggestions for what they are, just that. And also know I did find your piece enjoyable.
Elfin Dragon


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17
17
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
This is a lovely story about your grandmother. It's always nice to remember those we love.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
I can tell this piece was written when you were much younger. There are several grammatical errors which include using the word (that) too much, not spelling out small numbers, missing commas, and a few other errors.

This piece could definitely do with a re-write. I'm surprised you didn't do it before posting it when you found it.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I like the characterization and world view. It's a wonderful look into the past of grandmother and what you love most. For me, the games we played were often chess, spades, Yahtzee, scrabble and UNO. I think my grandparents always insisted on us kids learning while we played. LOL.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
I think my only suggestion with this is to perhaps take the time to do a re-write with this piece. I'm not sure if it will make the piece shorter or longer. I say this because though you may delete words, you may find yourself adding things you've forgotten about which you want to add to the piece.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
Again a wonderful tale you've shared and I'm glad to hear such a tale. I think we all need such things in our lives. *Smile* keep writing.

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18
18
for entry "Spring Snow
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

*Note: This poem was above mine when I Posted in "The Dew Drop Inn" for NaPoWriMo. I found it interesting and beautiful.

*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
The title reminds me of when I lived (briefly) back in Oklahoma and even more Eastern States. Although even here in Arizona we have the results of Spring Thaw to look forward to. *Smile* Both the title and imagery go well together.

*TeaR* Form/Rhyme:
The form and rhyme are well thought out. There is only one place where the rhyme falters. That's in the 4th stanza. "Within & Warm" do not rhyme as your other ending words for your other stanzas do.

*TeaO* Flow/Rhythm:
The flow and rhythm are also well thought out. But again with the 4th stanza it seems to stumble a bit in that 3rd verse. Perhaps if you took out the "are we" and just left it as 'Watching safe from within"? (Only a suggestion)

*TeaV* Style/Tone:
I love the style and tone of the poem. As I mentioned it reminds me very much of watching snow fall and also of what happens as the Spring Thaw begins. A very well imagined poem with great imagery.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
Great word choice - and no spelling errors or punctuation problems which I can tell. At least other than I've already noted. Great Job.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"Branches laden with globs of white,
Struggling, remain strongly upright"

These two verses bring winter storms straight to mind for me, and what it looks like when I go outside, also what to be wary of.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
A beautiful poem about winter, spring storms, and spring thaw as well. I keep going back to re-read this poem. Wonderful job.


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19
19
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
This is a well thought out story about a part in the storyteller's life.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
The only grammatical problems I see here are perhaps the word choices in the story. Some are perhaps a bit overzealous in their usage and smaller words (or different) could be used. I'll get into this more in "Suggestions".

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
The characterization and world view is fairly good here. They are consistent with the story itself. However, I'm not sure what the story you told has to do with the Title of the story. Your description states it's the story of your year-long stay at the Salvation Army ARC. However, you begin (and tell) the story of getting into Grady ER. Only touching on your stay at the Salvation Army ARC. A different description for your story may be warranted.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
I mentioned you using a wide variety of overzealous words which could either be eliminated or changed. Here are my suggestions, you may do with them what you will....
Dropnote

One last suggestion. The story seems to just leave off and makes me wonder what happens next. A follow-up would be wonderful.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
As I mentioned, my suggestions are just that and you may do with them what you will. I did find the story interesting, especially since a couple members of my own family have been through such a process. They may not have been down to such a degree as yours but they have been through the hospital aspect. Keep on writing.

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20
20
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I enjoy the sort of pun between the title and what the "Accident Instructor" is teaching. Gives me a great laugh.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
There are none that I can see. Great writing job.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I love both the character and the world you've placed him in. The classroom environment makes me wonder if "Murphy's Curse" is in effect just in the classroom or for individual people taking the class.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
I don't know if you have a continuation of this story but I would love to see one. If fact I would love to see an entire novel for this short piece. *Smile* Not just a class which covers "Murphy's Curse" but perhaps other strange classes as well. Just a thought.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
As mentioned, I love the idea of this story and the character. It's great that he thinks fast and compensates for it quickly. I do hope to see more of this ingenious story.

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21
21
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
The title and imagery to this poem are wonderful. Also the description gives a hint of wonder to the reader without giving anything away. I love that.

*TeaR* Form/Rhyme:
The form and rhyme were great. I've certainly no complaint. *Smile*

*TeaO* Flow/Rhythm:
You've got a great eye for the flow and rhythm for a poem. I read it straight through without any problems enjoying every moment.

*TeaV* Style/Tone:
Your style and tone shine through in this poem. Well done.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
I'm glad you provided the meaning to some of the Indian words. It helped for a clearer picture of the poem. There are a couple things I do wonder about with the words though....

"Listen, dear shrotao"....If "shrotao" means listener, would a word like "Hear" or "Hark" be more appropriate instead of "Listen"? I only ask because it would be like using the same word twice in the same sentence.

"The heat was hot – sweltering"...for me this is a lot of redundancy. Heat will always be hot but there are degrees of hot. So, you could leave it at "The heat was sweltering" and still keep the essence of you poem. But this is only a suggestion.

"And Nani was saying – “You were the bsst"....I think you can probably see what I see here. The last word is misspelled.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"Remember – NO pin on pallu,
No pin on pleat
High heels on reluctant feet."

I love that you remind the reader of this fact. It brings home the idea of what happens in the end and why.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
A wonderful poem of an embarrassing incident. I think it's sometimes hard for us to write of things which happen to us like this. You made it real to not just yourself but the reader as well. Wonderful job.



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22
22
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
Both title and imagery are interesting. I found them to be transcending in several places.

*TeaR* Form/Rhyme:
As I'm terrible with knowing specific forms, all I know is the poem has a good form and the rhyme was great.

*TeaO* Flow/Rhythm:
There was only one place where the flow of the poem was interrupted for me and it had to do with your choice of words. (I'll get to that). The rhythm of the poem was pretty good as well.

*TeaV* Style/Tone:
I liked your style and tone for the poem. Very unique.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
The word choice which had me stumbling was in the second stanza, third line. You used the word "Heave", where I think you meant to use "Heav'n". It would certainly be hard to speed towards a Heave (or maybe not).

I'm a little confused by the "given new gills and fins" but then it's been a long week for me. *Smile*

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"Giving praise to God for my salvation"

I've always enjoyed giving God praise for things in my life. This phrase has a lot of meaning for me.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
A good poem with a lot of meaning for whomever reads it. I think you've done a good jobe with it. I'm still trying to figure out what to write. Good luck with the contest.



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23
23
Review of The March  
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I Found this poem on the Review Page. And since I love animals I thought I'd read it.

*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
In truth the title and the imagery were not what I thought the poem was going to be about. You surprised me with the bleak destruction of the penguins. It was very vivid.

*TeaR* Form/Rhyme:
I thought the form of the poem could be a bit better. Where you have breaks you could change it to an extra line instead of using a comma. ie...
"A waddle of Emperors
huddled against Arctic ice."
You could also keep the comma and use this format as well. This is mostly a personal preference of mine and only a suggestion.

*TeaO* Flow/Rhythm:
Flow and rhythm is a bit st stuttered. Since you use several words more than once and in succession it gives the poem a staccato feel to it. I'm not sure if that was your intention or not.

*TeaV* Style/Tone:
Your style and tone do show through the poem. It's easy to see that you have a message you want the reader to hear as you're writing it.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
I did have to stop and look up a word because I didn't know it - "Kalashnikov-fire" I wasn't sure what you meant, thus having to look it up. You may want to change it to "machine-gun fire" or a similar phrase which most people will immediately recognize.

With regards to the staccato feel - By taking out the extra, double, word(s) you can make the poem flow more smoothly. ie....
"Moving their slow majestic beaks."

Instead of repeating "On they trudge" you could find a different verbiage for how they are walking.

Also, in the last stanza. I get why you want to repeat the "onward, onward, forward" But it's a bit much. Some different verbiage would help here as well.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"A waddle of Emperors, huddled against Arctic ice."
I could see the penguins huddled together on the ice. A good opening line for the poem.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
I do think this is a good poem. It opens eyes to those who don't know penguins might be slaughtered wholesale. Also remember that any suggestions I've made are just that and you may do with them what you wish. *Smile* Happy writing.


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24
24
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
Though I often think of Cardinals as a "Winter" bird, I still enjoyed the title and the imagery you put to this poem. Especially since I often suffer from a varied assortment of allergies myself.

*TeaR* Form/Rhyme:
I loved the form and rhyme of this poem. It is easy on the eyes and even easier to read. One of these days I'll figure out how to make such beautiful rhymes. *Smile*

*TeaO* Flow/Rhythm:
I also love the flow and rhythm of this poem. It helps remind me of the spring you speak so eloquently of.

*TeaV* Style/Tone:
As always, your style and tone come out in the poem.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
I did have to stop a brief moment at the end of the second stanza with "'hind faucet I do hide". But after I realized it was because you were pouring a glass to take your pills my silly brain went "ah ha".

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"The bumblebees in oldish pants,
They look like Santa Claus,"

Thanks for making me smile. *Smile*

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
A wonderful spring poem which made me smile and laugh at the antics of birds and ourselves to boot.


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25
25
Review of Know Thine Enemy  
for entry "Chapter 5
Review by Lisa
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I like the war points and sound to "General Quarters". You defenitinately hit the high points with this chapter.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
A few spelling errors as you start "Another Prayer" chapter.
In the first sentence, you misspell Commander Shay's name (you miss the "H")

In this sentence....
"Captain, I han a Lazar com set up. I will use it as well as standard EM communication."
         I think you can see you've misspelled "Have"

In the next sentence, you miss the ending quotations.

This particular sentence you used one word in two different ways. However, you misspelled it the second time. ....
Waters looked at his display. "Well, sir. They were no longer bleeding atmosphere. But that could be because they repaired the breach, or the atmosphere just bleed out.

The second "bleed" should be "Bled"


*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
You've kept the characterization spot on with the different voices on the bridge. I like how you've used each different character to tell the story in this chapter. A good use for this world view.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
Simply remember to re-read the chapters for those hard to catch errors.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I know it's been some time since I've reviewed But I'm hoping to catch up on this wonderful tale. I'm certainly learning a lot on how to write a pure science fiction tale. Keep up the good job.

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