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389 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of The March  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I Found this poem on the Review Page. And since I love animals I thought I'd read it.

*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
In truth the title and the imagery were not what I thought the poem was going to be about. You surprised me with the bleak destruction of the penguins. It was very vivid.

*TeaR* Form/Rhyme:
I thought the form of the poem could be a bit better. Where you have breaks you could change it to an extra line instead of using a comma. ie...
"A waddle of Emperors
huddled against Arctic ice."
You could also keep the comma and use this format as well. This is mostly a personal preference of mine and only a suggestion.

*TeaO* Flow/Rhythm:
Flow and rhythm is a bit st stuttered. Since you use several words more than once and in succession it gives the poem a staccato feel to it. I'm not sure if that was your intention or not.

*TeaV* Style/Tone:
Your style and tone do show through the poem. It's easy to see that you have a message you want the reader to hear as you're writing it.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
I did have to stop and look up a word because I didn't know it - "Kalashnikov-fire" I wasn't sure what you meant, thus having to look it up. You may want to change it to "machine-gun fire" or a similar phrase which most people will immediately recognize.

With regards to the staccato feel - By taking out the extra, double, word(s) you can make the poem flow more smoothly. ie....
"Moving their slow majestic beaks."

Instead of repeating "On they trudge" you could find a different verbiage for how they are walking.

Also, in the last stanza. I get why you want to repeat the "onward, onward, forward" But it's a bit much. Some different verbiage would help here as well.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"A waddle of Emperors, huddled against Arctic ice."
I could see the penguins huddled together on the ice. A good opening line for the poem.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
I do think this is a good poem. It opens eyes to those who don't know penguins might be slaughtered wholesale. Also remember that any suggestions I've made are just that and you may do with them what you wish. *Smile* Happy writing.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
27
27
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
Though I often think of Cardinals as a "Winter" bird, I still enjoyed the title and the imagery you put to this poem. Especially since I often suffer from a varied assortment of allergies myself.

*TeaR* Form/Rhyme:
I loved the form and rhyme of this poem. It is easy on the eyes and even easier to read. One of these days I'll figure out how to make such beautiful rhymes. *Smile*

*TeaO* Flow/Rhythm:
I also love the flow and rhythm of this poem. It helps remind me of the spring you speak so eloquently of.

*TeaV* Style/Tone:
As always, your style and tone come out in the poem.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
I did have to stop a brief moment at the end of the second stanza with "'hind faucet I do hide". But after I realized it was because you were pouring a glass to take your pills my silly brain went "ah ha".

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"The bumblebees in oldish pants,
They look like Santa Claus,"

Thanks for making me smile. *Smile*

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
A wonderful spring poem which made me smile and laugh at the antics of birds and ourselves to boot.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
28
28
Review of Know Thine Enemy  
for entry "Chapter 5
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I like the war points and sound to "General Quarters". You defenitinately hit the high points with this chapter.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
A few spelling errors as you start "Another Prayer" chapter.
In the first sentence, you misspell Commander Shay's name (you miss the "H")

In this sentence....
"Captain, I han a Lazar com set up. I will use it as well as standard EM communication."
         I think you can see you've misspelled "Have"

In the next sentence, you miss the ending quotations.

This particular sentence you used one word in two different ways. However, you misspelled it the second time. ....
Waters looked at his display. "Well, sir. They were no longer bleeding atmosphere. But that could be because they repaired the breach, or the atmosphere just bleed out.

The second "bleed" should be "Bled"


*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
You've kept the characterization spot on with the different voices on the bridge. I like how you've used each different character to tell the story in this chapter. A good use for this world view.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
Simply remember to re-read the chapters for those hard to catch errors.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I know it's been some time since I've reviewed But I'm hoping to catch up on this wonderful tale. I'm certainly learning a lot on how to write a pure science fiction tale. Keep up the good job.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
29
29
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
The poem is very descriptive and I like the images you've made.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
There aren't really any grammatical problems which cause me to stop reading at any point.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
The poem flows well and things are in a well-defined order. The only thing wich threw me for a moment was that you had the Clouds colliding first before the mother at the beach. But that's just a personal frame of mind for me.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
My only suggestion would be to break the poem up into stanzas for an easier read.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
As mentioned before a well-written poem and I liked the ending. It's certainly a different way to view the image of lightning in stone.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
30
30
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I think the poem went very well with the prompt and was written well too. I enjoyed an unexpected twist.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
There were no grammatical problems I could see, nor tripped me up.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
The characterization and world view of the poem was very good and went with the prompt of the contest.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
I only have one suggestion. It is with regards to the format. I'm not sure if you meant to have the second half of your poem strung together, but it is a bit distracting. I can see where pauses are meant to be and (personally) it would be great to see those if you put them into stanzas.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
On the whole a well written poem and I enjoyed the story told within it. A good effort for the Dark Dreamscapes Contest and I wish you luck

Elfin Dragon Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo. Image #2083210 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
31
31
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I wasn't sure where this was going but it became clear quickly. I think all of us have been at this end where we tell them something we've done and give them an idea.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
There are obviously a few extra "that's" which could be eliminated or changed to different verbiage. And I have problems with the first sentence. It's very odd and keeps making me read it over.

I believe if you shorten the first half into its own sentence, ie "Sometimes as adults we can be like children." Then with the second sentence..."When telling an interesting or exciting story, we relish the Ooh's and Awes' heaped upon us."

The reason I would change the second sentence is because "relishing" and "luxuriating" are very similar. And also to change the pronoun to make it sound more personable like you're in there with the reader.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
Since it's you telling the story, you do a good job with keeping with the telling of the story - both the amusement and the almost shock factor of it.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
Only to read over it one more time for the extra "that's" and some of the odd wording.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I love the way you leave this story hanging. *Smile* I'm left wondering how on earth your son managed to print $100 bills. Certainly a reason to read another one of your "What not to tell your kids" stories.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
32
32
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* Title & Imagery:
I'm not sure how the title fits with the imagery of the poem other than perhaps the death of the one person. But for me, it doesn't quite fit the entirety of the poem.

*TeaR* Form/Rhyme:
I can see the rhyme in the poem, however, the form is a bit awkward. For easier reading, it might be better to make a new paragraph after the end of each sentence. Like this....
"Dedicating this poem, isn't as hard as it seems.
It's for a 16 year old girl who lost all her dreams."

*TeaO* Flow/Rhythm:
For me, the poem is a bit too wordy and as such loses some of the flow and rhythm in some of the verses.

*TeaV* Style/Tone:
I do like your style and tone throughout the poem. It's easy to recognize as yours and the sad undertone is what flows easily.

*TeaBr* Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
As I mentioned earlier; for me the poem is a bit too wordy and could use some fine-tuning. Other than that the spelling and punctuation is just fine.

*TeaP* I especially like the following line(s):
"To create a precious life, is such a difficult game. Having it taken away and destroyed, is such a horrible shame."

I think this sentence embodies what you're trying to say for the whole poem.

*Yinyang* Overall:*BigSmile*
The poem itself is poinant. Though a bit of editing might make it more so.
Remember any of my suggestions are just that and you may do with them what you will. I'm not an expert in poetry by any means.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
33
33
Review of Mirror, Mirror  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I found the title intriguing which through the "I Write" contest entries led me to your entry for your "Scream" contest entry. Funny how those things work. *Smile* With your "Tick, Knock, tick, knock" it reminded me of Poe's "Tell-Tale Heart", which is most likely why I wanted to read it.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
I found a few errors which caused me to pause.
Dropnote, suggestions


*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I do believe you've accomplished the overall characterization and world view of this small horror story very well. You established the fear of the main character and what he/she is searching for and what he/she eventually finds. A good dark little tale.


*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
In the second paragraph, you state it must have been difficult for the "tick, knock" when you're on the first floor of your building. It's a strange statement as I find that on a first-floor building anyone can tap at a window. Now if you're on a second floor and the "tick, knock" were on the opposite side where there is no walkway, I might find the statement a bit more believable.


*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
Remember that all my suggestions are only that and you may do with them what you will. I do not purpose to be an expert of any kind.

That being said, As I mentioned earlier, I enjoyed the story and how you brought together the fear elements. I especially enjoyed the twist at the end. I never saw it coming. Great job with that. Horror is something which is difficult for me and it's nice to see such good suspense written well.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
34
34
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I usually have a whole review set that I use. But after reading this beautifully made song all I can say is that it made me smile. Not only made me smile, but it made my soul sing. If you had actual music with it I would probably be singing right along with it.

I'm so happy to have decided to read this song. Thank you for writing it. *Smile*
Elfin Dragon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
35
35
for entry "Ending in Darkness
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
It's an interesting beginning and concept for a story. I've always loved black holes and all the different theories behind them. So many ways a story could go with one involved.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
The only thing with the grammar I would note here is to condense. For instance. in your first paragraph when you're talking about the black hole. Instead of saying, "Powerful enough to pull the light out of any star." You might say, "Powerful enough to pull the light from nearby stars."

The other sentence which puzzles me is..."The light burning the eyes of those four ..." It's an oddly worded sentence. I get the idea that you have four people in a field and then the gods and goddesses show up. But this first sentence needs to be better formed.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
Since this first "chapter" is so short I have difficulty forming an opinion of characters and world view. There's not a whole lot to grasp onto here other than a vague impression of Greek mythology.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
I'd like to see this chapter developed a little more. Perhaps start it out with the four people and what their asking their gods help for? Give the reader a little bit of insight to the characters before introducing them to the gods and what the gods want from the characters. At least that's what I would like to see first.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
As I mentioned at the beginning, all of my comments here are only my opinion. I do like what you've started here and would like to see it developed more. It certainly has a lot of potential.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
36
36
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:

yes indeedee the little ditty gets a one from me.



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37
37
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
yes, yes, I'll give you the one. *Smile* all for the room.. or is it roam?



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38
38
Review of Mephispameles  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
You forced me into it. *FacePalm* A sudden like for emotes. And now I can't *Stop* For it's all your fault. *Headbang* So now a half point extra I must give.


WDC Power Review Sig, winged tigerOfficially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo. Image #2083210 over display limit. -?-
39
39
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
I'M SO TORN *Headbang* *Ha* *Rolling* I was all set to give you a one and yet you surprised me with a roaring good line! My fingers slipped and went to five. (um point five) So, blame that spamuccini line.



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40
40
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
I was going to give you one and half but the last was just too much. So a single star you've earned for such bad use of "Mamma Mia".


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41
41
Review of Spammed Insanity  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
We're definately bending to new levels of SPAM depravity. *Smile* One more star handed out to a worthy opponant of SPAM poetry



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42
42
Review of Devilled Spam!  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
yep, yep, another bad poem to add to your repetour one more star




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43
43
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
I don't know if this one is good or bad, but I'll give it one star for the roasting it had. *Wink*




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44
44
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
different, unsual, qeer and worth the one star for all of that. *Smile*

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45
45
Review of Spamaraja  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
Ok, ok, I yield! on star to your SPAMINESS poem. I certainly can't take no more.



WDC Power Review Sig, winged tigerOfficially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo. Image #2083210 over display limit. -?-
46
46
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
even though you're late you've spun an amusing little ditty worthy of SPAMINESS. *Smile*
one gold star for you. Glad you came to the show.


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47
47
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
I've not seen the like, perhaps I will again. But certainly deserves the one star and I hope your kitty rises again. *Smile*




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48
48
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
I wasn't sure I could rate it completely bad in SPAMINESS. For in truth it really wasn't It's got plot, rhythm, meter and rhyme along with all the good things which make good poetry. But it wasn't quite good either.


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49
49
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*TeaB* SPAMINESS:
While the poem was indeed on the "SPAMINESS" side and could be called bad...For me it seemed a little more "good". There is definate rhyme and scheme as well as tone and it wasn't half bad.

You've put all the elements of the caves into the poem, as well as our resident SPAM. But I'd just have to say that I like it a little too much for just one star.

I do think my favorite line in it though is:
"A wraith bartender spam ice shaves"

Very clever use of words for our spam use. *Smile*


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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
Certainly an interesting beginning and the first few sentences are "grabbers" for the reader. Exciting and humorous.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems?
No grammar issues, very well written, and I have no issues.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
The overall character and world view is consistent and actually surprising. I love that when it starts out with the fact he's a wizard you're then surprised by the "bone-witch" throwing modern day items at him. A good twist to place the story as a modern fantasy.

*Leaf2br* Suggestions:
My only issue with this story, at least this first chapter, is that its reminds me a lot of the "Harry Dresden" novels. With a wizard in the modern world who is taking on evil on the fly (so to speak) and usually gains the upper hand. He has a bar for wizards he frequents (although I'm not sure about Milty's bar). And there's usually something/someone following him. Not to mention the coat.

I'm not sure if you've read any of the "Dresden" novels, but I would suggest it.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
As mentioned, anything I've stated is just my opinion. I did like the first chapter in general, and feel there's certainly some worth to the character. A good beginning to a story.

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