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Review Requests: ON
1,126 Public Reviews Given
1,367 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello JCosmos

My name is Dawn and I decided to review your poem as I saw it was posted for Writer's Cramp. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: A good attempt at putting out a political based inspired poem for one of the more complicated forms during the week long poetry challenge. You picked the right line for the repetition. It will stand out on a few different elements and hopefully be appreciated as it stands.

Contest/Prompt: The form is one aspect of the prompt from the contest. However, you may have a little trouble for the round because you only followed half of the prompt. The form is part one but the judge also listed a required title. So, you might want to move the "Trumpian Sohy's Quatern" to the item description and change the title to "Being Free" since that is a requirement.

Other Notes and Suggestions: It is a good job at putting out a political poem, which can be a challenge and could be interesting to see the comments that may or may not come in from random readers.

I just have one more suggestion that is on the technical side for appearances when it comes to displaying details like form used or notes from a contest. This is very good information to have but with the current approach taken in this static item, it's just something that was sort of copy/pasted to the end of the item. I would suggest doing a little more to label the section so that people know why that section is below the poem. I tend to do "notes" and add a dropnote but you can just label a part as the "Prompt:" which can have the aspects from the contest and like for this one, maybe do another for "Form:" so the details below are known to be focused on the form. I would suggest taking out the example. If you wanted to let the reader have access to that detail, then you can link to the original item that discussed the form, much like how the judge posted in the forum when they picked the form for the prompt. Having someone else's writing at the bottom, even if it's done as an example, could be problematic if you don't know whether they are okay with it being shared in that wan. Still, thank you for adding some information since it's a particular form so readers have an idea of why things are laid out a certain way.


Good job with the poem and good luck!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of Daddy  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Simply Me

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item for fun as I noticed it in the Writer's Cramp for one of the poetry week prompts. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: When I saw the prompt posted, while the form looked fun, I wasn't sure what approach people would take with the title of Daddy. Almost would have expected to see the chance to write about Mom first, since May has Mother's Day. What you created made perfect sense given the prompt requirements and I appreciated the reflection you put into the poem. I can see how you could use something personal though I will probably going full fiction with my own attempt.

Contest/Prompt: The form for the round had a pretty simple rule to follow since this one required the word counts, instead of having to count syllables. Looked like you got the right counts to me and the title does fit the other requirement since every poem for the day had to be called Daddy.

Final Thoughts and Suggestions: This is a nicely done poem, overall. You worked the title in a way that made sense while using the lines to really show the reader something about him. I did check to see if you used the "personal" category just because I get reviews that assume my fiction is real when it is very much not. The personal elements of your poem are what will really help. I can relate to knowing some guys who may have worn a cowboy hat but didn't grow up on a farm, and some who have ridden horses but prefer baseball caps. I can even picture someone in a cowboy hat drinking coffee from a saucer. Great way to create an image for the reader. The only suggestion I would make is a personal preference. I would rather have the poem at the top of the story and the information about form and line counts at the bottom. To me, the poem is the important part and any notes are a later detail for those interested in learning more. But that is just what I like in items on here.


Good job and good luck!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review of The Sands of Time  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello IE .

My name is Dawn and I decided to review your poem just for fun since I saw it posted in the Writer's Cramp contest for the poetry week challenge. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: The topic and description caught my attention at once, thanks if big part to the poem title as well. In fact, I think that the concept of time is something you could create a whole book of poems about using different forms. I don't know about other readers but I know that I'd find them compelling to read. This is a good start and example of a thought provoking poem.

Contest/Prompt: The prompt is nice because it gave an open topic while the form for the day included syllable counts but wasn't over the top or confusing. You did well to work with the single stanza allowed, hitting the syllable scheme (or I assume as I don't go through these with a fine tooth comb checking each person's attempt at syllable counting). Since you could write about anything as long as you used the form, it gave plenty of room and I'm a fan of your topic choice.

Final Thoughts and Any Suggestions: I do like what you created, overall. If I had any suggestion it would be to consider the comma usage in the poem and/or consider punctuation. I do appreciate that poetry doesn't necessarily need to use punctuation. However, if there are some bits used and other parts are lacking, it can feel out of place. The commas are okay but there are spots that feel like they would need a pause too, which is what the comma creates. The line "Then all my days, it seems" is a good example because my brain wants there to be another comma after "seems". Same goes for the line above it. So, one thing you can do, if you want to play around with this poem without even really changing the words is check out commas or consider adding periods to see how it looks and flows. Just an idea.

Nice work with the form and considering how many options an open prompt can provide. Good job and good luck!



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello JACE .

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2024"  [13+] due to the order of posting as I decided to jump in after you. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: It is fun to see a different approach to someone who used the same prompt since we both entered the same round in Writer's Cramp. There is plenty of leeway considering it was topic based with room to grow for whatever came to the writer's imagination. I like how you used the poem of the day to create this dedication to the crazy activity a fair number of people I know took part in over the last month. It's also nice to go with a poem that isn't necessarily trying to be elite or "publishable". Instead, the dedication to your group and the activity is fun within itself and something those involved will appreciate.


Contest/Prompt: The prompt was both simple and a challenge because the topic gave plenty of room for whatever the poet wanted to create but it had to be within the form requirements. I'm not going to run it through a syllable counter or check myself to make sure every line matches the pattern. I will assume what you have is accurate. Fire and ice is something that can be conjured when considering fantasy elements or in any relation to Game of Thrones even for those of us that haven't read the books and never watched the show. It seems to work for me in relation to the topic quite well.


Favorite Part:

As we go
Spirit's soar
Our strength is in our support.
One and all we are.


Final Thoughts and Any Suggestions: So, I'll start the end by saying that overall this is well done. It's a personal dedication to both a little group and an extensive activity here on the site. The only thing that stood out to me where my brain tried to change something would be the very end. Not that it's wrong. In fact, you don't use a rhyme scheme so one wouldn't be necessary. But for some reason, my brain doesn't like the choice of "win" as the very end. Instead, it wants the line to say "we won." So, not wrong just what comes to my thoughts when I am doing the reading.

Nice work with the syllabic poem and creating the five different stanzas from the base requirements. It's going to be a fun week in the Writer's Cramp. Maybe I'll see you around on the contest forum if you decide to enter another wrong. I also hope if it's shared that the others from your group in the challenge enjoyed the little tribute.

Good job and Good luck!



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review of Enchantment  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello winklett in the woods .

My name is Dawn and I decided to review your poem since we both entered the same round in Writer's Cramp. Something about the poem caught my attention. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: Fire is a great topic for a poem and it's something that I could really see through your word choices in this poem that took on a challenging form. I like that you manage to equate fire with magic. This is a good approach to a topic and something that different readers will appreciate.


Contest/Prompt: The contest is having a fun week with the poetry only rounds and having to do a different form each day. I'd never heard of this particular form before, which after 15+ years is less common but still possible. I found it to be quite a challenge but the end result in what the writers are creating is fun to read. I may have enjoyed reading it more than writing, lol. You did well in taking the five different stanzas while trying to follow the syllable counts. I didn't check them up with a counter or anything so I'm going off the assumption that each line matches the requirement.


Favorite Stanza:

hypnotized
the conflagration
fed and fueled
glad to rise
shifting in shapes and colors
blended and changing


Final Suggestions and Thoughts: Overall, you did a great job with taking the topic and form required by the contest and turning it into this poem. I even learned something knew as I wasn't quite sure on the spelling for the term sleight of hand but I got to see it in action here. For some reason, I thought sleight was different but it makes sense. I liked the middle stanza in particular because of the visual it creates in relation to fire plus it shows I'm not the only one using words like "conflagration" within the poem.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
for entry "My Writing" 
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Angelica- Happy May 5th! . *Wave*

I decided to toss a review your way since you posted this one on scroll and I had fun reading it. This is a nice idea for a poem and I can see how the prompt could inspire a variety of options since it requires such a personal touch. Of course, you manage to put in the personal touch with the inclusion of the dragons in the poem when discussing writing since it's what you are known for in your own work and in contests that you manage. If I saw this poem at random, "blind" to where I didn't see the author at first, I would probably guess or be reminded of you.

Another aspect I sort of like about this particular poem is that the style is what could be called "stream of conscience" writing. It's something that teachers will at times suggest. You don't worry too much about centering around a topic, per se, but instead focus on putting words down. The only thing I would suggest is maybe have something in an about section where you could call it a stream of conscious poem about your writing. Might be easier if this was it's own static item because then you would have a spot for a description. Since it's in a book with lots of different things, the reader sees the description as "random topics" as it's about the book and not the individual post. Downside to having limits in the number of items one can have at a given time, unfortunately.

Doesn't deter from the overall result. This was an enjoyable little poem. *ThumbsUpR*
7
7
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Riverd0g .

I found this piece of advice posted through a random search and it's something that caught my attention due to personal relevance. There are a number of things that I like about this piece so I'm going to divide this "review" into two parts: technical writing stuff and personal relation stuff.

The Writing: The overall picture of what you have posted here is something that I enjoyed reading and I think it's a really good idea. I've seen similar aspects done in blog posts or when creating a letter to self for the site official contest in January as many people make weight loss goal. I'm not going to give advice against any point put out because it's personal thoughts on the topic. However, I do have a couple of suggestions in relation to the technical side for how this is posted because there may be a way to spruce up the appearance.

Have you considered putting the first part in center instead of left aligned? Since both of the first two lines are title like in their purpose, I think it would work to have "Losing Weight Tips (6/20/2023)" and "Tips from myself to myself" in the center of the pages over the different sections of tips that are provided.

I would also say the *** aren't needed in line two. You could maybe make those lines a bigger font if you want to let them stand out more. I do think the *** make sense when used for the rest of the item as a form of separation. It works to show from one thought to the next. It's not incorrect or anything to have it in that one line but from my perspective, it also isn't needed.

Now for the fun part.

Personal Reaction: I have done weight loss journeys off and on for many years. When I turned 30, I decided to get healthier and went from over 200 to 140 lbs through watching calories, weight training and cardio. And now as I get close to 40, need to get back to some of that in order to get weight down (even though I didn't gain everything back at least). So, I have some experiences with this. I can relate to things like wanting pizza and how with limited calorie counts (like for short women) there really isn't that much wiggle room.

It is interesting that your scale takes the AAA batteries. Mind isn't super fancy, not sure I feel the need for that bluetooth connection stuff, but it still takes one of those little round batteries instead. Had to get one recently so I could start keeping track at home again.

One thing I would suggest, if you still are working on the gym stuff is to consider the weight training also as another focus beyond the numbers on a scale. Self defense is a good one that I hadn't thought about. I will consider that myself going forward. What helps too for me is that I'm improving my strength. So, seeing numbers like a 235 squat is a nice boost instead of always checking the scale to see if the numbers went down.

I also had never thought about the little money on the side from the membership just in case something comes up. Like maybe want to try out a new tool, such as the sling shot. Or maybe a new protein snack to help with goals. That is an interesting point in setting aside the money from two different pay checks per month. It makes sense and can see how these types of tips could be helpful to you as the writer and hopefully follower of the tips.


Hope you are doing well and have a good weekend.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review of Intro  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello there, John Boswell .

Welcome to the site!

This is an interesting approach to producing an introduction as a writer with putting this paragraph forward so that random people may find it. While there is a specific spot for a little bio type of introduction on the portfolio, it is a nice idea to also include something in a static item, like what you've done here.

I like the idea here but I also have some suggestions. Just some thoughts on developing this introduction more because I want more details along with a few tidbits of advice since I've been on this site a long, long time.

Giving your name is a personal choice and cool beans if that's what you want to do here. And I'm always happy to welcome another novel length writer here. But I also want more information. More details will help us get to actually know you and your writing. You can share little tidbits about things you like to do besides writing, for example. We don't need exact details, like town where you live or anything like that. Just would be fun to get a little more about things you like or do. Then add some more information about what you write. You have mentioned science fiction but there is quite a range of variety within that genre. What kind of science fiction do you write? Is that a genre you also read? What are the other genres you have ventured into for the other tales?

Now for the advice instead of review part. You will find a fair many of us tend to write in more than one genre. My main genres for writing include young adult, fantasy and romance. I also have dappled in many others, including horror, though I don't plan to publish long works in most of them. Okay, maybe a demon possession thing but that ventures into fantasy too so figure that is okay. What will matter in the realm of publishing and will influence who publishes and certain agents field of work may come in which genres. Some kinds are a little closer in field, like say writing fantasy and science fiction. Others maybe have a little difficulty with them not wanting to mix the readers, like say writing young adult and very adult romance/erotica. However, people often get around that with the use of pen names. I already have two different names planned and I'm not even published yet. Publishers and agents do have their preferences for genres and how they pick what they represent is a different area.

Not to go overboard here I will finish with a suggestion. If you write this out as an introduction about yourself and writing, that is a great idea. If you have questions you want to ask about things like genre or writing tips, check out different places here on the site. There are some groups based on genres, including sci-fi. And there are forums that are great for getting feedback on topics.

Here is a good example of somewhere to post:
FORUM
Writing.Com General Discussion  (13+)
A message forum for general discussion. Please come and chat with others!
#100931 by Writing.Com Support



If you need any help on the site, don't be afraid to ask. There are many of us here on the site who are more than happy to help.

Good luck and I hope you enjoy your time here on the site.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there, Victor Storm .

I found your research piece that relates to cats very interesting and wanted to send over some thoughts/comments in reaction to the article. It's something I wasn't expected to find. However, as an owner of two cats and since I pet sit other people's cats on the side, I found it an interesting concept.

The topic was something I had never heard before. Would not have thought to use a wet toothbrush on a cat. I know some like brushes, whether made for pets or even just human brushes. One of my cats is weird cause she acts calmer when she is wearing little outfits while other cats absolutely refuse. So, it's an interesting premise that the cats would get such results from a toothbrush. I can sort of see the correlation between the bristles of the brush and the sandpapery feel of the cats tongue.

Different home settings for the cats does provide a good showcase of the different dynamics and the possible reasons they may have initial reluctance towards humans. Can see how that would help showcase the results from the toothbrush experiment.

The only part I struggle with in relations to the result is the assertion that the reason it created calm is the memory of the mother. It's a possibility, since they would have the same features, however, that does require an assumption or knowledge that they were around a mother cat long enough to receive those initial sparks. My doubt may be due in part to the fact I work with human behavior but I'm not allowed to list a reason for most of the behaviors that aren't something that can be observed. If the person doesn't say this is why I hit the table, I can list the action but I can't say "he was angry that the card was moved" even if that is a possible reason. Maybe can postulate as a possibility but can put things with certainty as just the data collecting tech. With the cats, I wish I could read their thoughts or have them communicate. Maybe then I will know what JiJi wants when she is being very vocal.

For now, I have a cat napping on my foot as I enjoy the item you provided here on the site. Thank you for sharing something with such a different topic and providing some new information.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of A girl named Ann  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there, Purple Celebrates .

I found this poem through the random reads option and it inspired me to write a little review. It's fun to see a light poem that manages the right amount of humor. I just have a few thoughts overall to share. Thank you for providing the limerick here on WDC and I hope that you've had fun with the GoT challenge that gave the inspiration for it.

Initial Impression: Most of the time, I'm not a big fan of the colorful fonts for items that are submitted in contests or something someone may be developing for publication submission. However, there are times when it does make sense. Aside from prompts that require making sure a certain set of words stand out, I would say you have the other good reason here. Something about a user who goes by Purple Princess using a purple font for a limerick about a girl named Ann just makes sense. I like the usage here and it gives the poem just the right touch of flair.

Technical Side: The limerick is one form that I've only done a couple of times since I'm not very funny. I think you took a good approach in crating a limerick and the prompt made sense considering the approach you took. While it's not the most unexpected, considering the rhyme scheme and the name Ann, but it doesn't need to be something out of left field. Only thing I would maybe suggest is to look at the third line in the stanza. The word "woud" throws me off because my brain tries to change it to wood for the sound but that doesn't make sense in the context of the sentence. Even my autocorrect thinks it should be "would" and that is probably what you meant. However, if you wanted to keep the l out for some reason, maybe put in the little ' symbol which sometimes gets used in words when skipping a letter or two for dialect purposes. Still probably should just be "would".

Other than that, everything looks great. I got a little chuckle out of this poem. It's fun and that's the whole point of a limerick. Nice work and keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of Mall Misadventure  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings. SP is Muddling through

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+]. I hope that you've enjoyed the challenge so far and are having fun with writing.


Initial Reaction: Haha. Well, you did manage something quite well and that was to get me to chuckle when reading this story, which is good considering you were using comedy as the prompt for the contest entered. I do appreciate a good tale about kids and the fun they can create (or terror depending on the point of view). it is fun and fits with the characters presented.


Contest/Prompt: This is a fun challenge because you were given a prompt that focuses on genre but gives some options. It's fairly open in that way, so that you could write almost anything you wanted as long as it fit within the genres as part of the options listed. Picking comedy, of course, is a fun choice. This does read well enough within the genre that it shouldn't have any problems in the contest.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: The only thing that caused me to struggle would have to be the beginning. It felt like it started, went back some so that I wasn't sure who was the focus and where they were at for the start. I guessed that maybe it was the intention. The kid running away, which happens later in the story does draw the attention of the reader. However, the way it seems to snap to explain a little that the character is wanting to give her sister a break while also making sure the kids enjoy time with grandpa.

Once things get going, it's easier to sink into the story and start to see the characters in their own personality details. It is entertaining and on the light side, which can be appreciated. This is also something that feels realistic. People will be able to relate, or at least those with some kid watching experiences under their belts.

And semi-seriously... Who wears flip-flops when babysitting rambunctious kids when taking them out in public? lol

Overall, nice work and good luck with the contest. Keep writing!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
for entry "~ Sky Diving ~" 
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings. ruwth

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] as I have posted in the forum after you. It is fun to see you on the challenge and I hope that you are enjoying the time writing too.

Initial Reaction: Oh, I know this contest. I noticed it a little bit ago in the contest in & out where it caught my attention. It has an interesting premise as a contest and it's fun to see what someone decided to write considering the prompts available. And this is a good choice of topic. You have a fun set of options and really show it with giving both the personal account type account along with the very different instructor account. It is an entertaining set of different viewpoints surrounding a crazy event: sky diving. I like the little quirks added to the characters considering each one had to be limited by a very small word count.

Contest/Prompt: The contest brings about quite the challenge considering it is taking more than one point of view for the same exact scene that is done at a very limited word count. I liked the idea of the contest but most of the prompts were a little too specific for my taste. I have so many characters that I try to find prompts that I can use to work on current ideas instead of creating even more. However, I see there is the addition of the more open prompt, so can see why you decided to go with that one. Okay and the word count is a little too low for me most of the time. Well done in being able to do each section in such a limited allowance. You follow the prompt well and that will qualify just fine for the contest.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, you did quite well with this particular challenge. I really liked the little quip that was created with the first person writing out her will and the instructor noticing. And it is also cute the use of "piglet" for the granddaughter, having it attached to her harness. I liked the little touches in each section because that is what really gave the situation flavor and is what will entertain the readers.

Good job with the story and good luck!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of Wonderland 2024  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings. Jeff

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] since you posted in the forum before me. It was fun to get to see an entry for part of the Wonderland. I've looked at that one but never entered, so I am enjoying the chance to see some of the challenges that came with that.


Initial Reaction: This one was interesting. It can be hard, at times to do something that is supposed to be historical. But creative nonfiction can really make it something readers will want to check out since it has the read of fiction but involves the fact inside the story.

Contest/Prompt: The contest is a fun one and hopefully you are doing well with the different challenges it presents. I am sure you are managing well. The prompt with the history element does well in this flash fiction story. The addition of the information at the end of the item helps. I don't often put the prompt at the beginning but think that for the particular challenge, it's a good choice.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, this was entertaining. Reminded me a little of a story I had just finished listening to in part due to the title but also the creation of the museum. I just read a book about a mystery that had the word curiosities in the title and had clues related to Barnum curious items including a fake "mermaid" that was a taxidermy animal basically. It is interesting to know that Teddy Roosevelt created a little museum of natural history. And I liked seeing it through the character himself showing a little spunk and ingenuity.

Nice work!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review of Contest Entries  
for entry "A Second Friend" 
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there Angelica- Happy May 5th!

Thank you for taking the time to enter the last February prompt for Weekly Quickie and the attempt at Bro Code topics for inspiration. I appreciated you taking the time to present something for the week.


First Impression: A short attempt to showcase the group of friends, a set of friends intermixing in a different setting. This shows support among characters in a particular location with the hopes of trying support a particular element involved.


Prompt: This does focus on the friends. It's a little hard to see the romance with the approach, since it's obviously not an attempt at erotica, for the general purpose of the contest. It does focus on the prompt, at least. We get friends and the providing support even if it's something that isn't in their same beliefs, or in this case the same diet.

Characters/Story: One thing I had been told in writing workshops or conference, something like that, before was to be cautious about character names. It is sometimes recommending to not use the same letters for too many characters or have names that sound similar. While we don't have to avoid some similar sounds all of the time, I think it does show up a bit with your story why it can be a challenge. In the first paragraph you have Joe, Doe and Zoe. I got lost with the names and didn't know who any of the characters. It would work better in a long story where we got to have an introduction to the characters on their own in order to know some detail about them to latch onto in connection with the name. Just makes it a little hard to follow what is going on.

I do like you have the friends in the story and the addition of the vegetarian element. Since most of them follow that diet, except the two (if I read that right) that does provide something to show more character. And the use of the element in relation to the prompt was a nice choice.


Other Notes: I also know that you did this last minute to help give me something for the contest. That I appreciate even if there are some challenges that made it a little difficult to read. It was a good approach to friends. Thank you!


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie.


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15
15
Review of Homecoming  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there Jeff

Thank you for entering one of the rounds in February for Weekly Quickie contest. I appreciated the entry even though it was a month with very few of them. It's always hard to judge how a prompt will go and I know I get wordy in them... Anyways, thank you for the entry with the Ex Mess.

First Impression: This was quite a good Ex Mess situation for a Quickie. I liked that for this particular one, you stuck more to the romance side of the contest instead of the erotica. Seems like a wise decision in this case. Sure, it will get erotic later once they make it past the stairs but for this moment, the reader gets a nice bit of romance.

Prompt: This one does work well for the prompt. While we don't get a lot of the friend part, we get enough information to know that there is a friendship but also a stepping over a sort of boundary. Not sure how the friend will react but that's for a much later scene, if it ever develops more.

Characters/Story: It is kind of interesting that a decent number of stories include a character who does photography and/or photojournalism. Even in the type I read, I've seen a few. One included guys who did the travel thing along with wedding photos and stuff for members of the BDSM community. Others take a different approach as to what they get from the career or if it's a distraction. Granted, we only get a little information into the character in a quickie but it does give an interesting twist and helps make it believable that he was able to hold back by keeping his distance in that way.

Other Notes: Overall, you did a good job with the writing. I often can easily enjoy the stories you create with your writing approach and voice. We get at least some character and story while having the limit under word count requirements. Nice job and I hope the characters get their happy ever after.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep Writing!


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


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16
16
Review of Food  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Genipher .

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+]. It's nice to get the chance to review someone that I've never had the chance before. Often, I post after some people I know so this is a fun week to read something new.

Initial Reaction: That is one concise gold fish. While it is unusual to have one that talks, it is interesting that you went with one that goes straight to the point instead of spouting off a lot of stuff. You manage to get character with both just in how they spoke and the word choices used. An amusing little piece of flash fiction about a guy who has a talking goldfish.


Contest/Prompt: Ah the good ol' dialogue only contest. Nice choice. It is a challenge when you can't add any descriptive details in order to distinguish between the characters. While we can get the sense of a back and forth conversation, this contests still provides a definite challenge for both the writer and the reader. I didn't know the prompt as I haven't looked at the contest in a while. It's a funny thought, the goldfish that can speak This entry does fit the prompt well.


General Thoughts and Final Notes: Overall, you did a nice job trying to get the story done in just dialogue. I like the voices you created here. The guy was a little flustered, a touch annoyed and yet at ease talking with his fish. I like that you didn't go with the surprise moment when someone finds out the fish speaks. Instead, it was old hat for the two. And the fish might not say much but it clearly knows what is important and has devotion as the pet. It was also entertaining.

I don't know if the round has finished or not yet. I don't see anything that could be changed. It's a fun story and I hope it does well in the contest. Keep writing! *PenO*


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17
17
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, 💙 Carly .

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+]


Initial Reaction: Based on the contest, I knew to expect something short. Since the daily flash fiction challenge has a low word count limit due to flash fiction part. I didn't know what to expect from the story other than something related to the phrase, which was also the prompt. This is definitely something different and able to paint a picture of a scene within the minimal time (word count) allowed. It's a fun little bit, yet could also go for more.

Contest/Prompt: This is a fun contest since it's very quick due to the short deadlines, kind of like Writer's Cramp. Have a single day to write a very short story. The prompts are often open to interpretation and can create a variety of stories. Your choice does make sense and makes a good use of the prompt, which was necessary and fit within the contest of the characters along with their situation.

Characters: I like the dynamic between the characters. Even though we don't get any information on appearances or details on either of them, it still feels like enough. We do get the sense that they are someone. I didn't mind the first person approach and having limited information on the POV character. It works in this case.

Final Thoughts: I like the approach but am stuck with one question. What were they doing? Like, I sort of get the ideas in the story. They are breaking into the room and using the computer, hacker style. But I don't have the reason. I am not sure on the why for the characters action. So, that leave me feeling a little unresolved. You may be doing that on purpose. Some will appreciate it and other readers may not like missing the information. That is up to you whether it gets added or not. Good luck!



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18
18
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello GERVIC 🐉 WDC Dragon Vale

Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie contest during a week that had a fun prompt but you were the only entry. I appreciated you taking the time to write this story. This review is just some of my thoughts as the reader/judge.

First Impression: Happy to have an entry for a prompt and one with an interesting twist. While I am faintly familiar with the VR technology used in training for athletes, it never would have crossed my mind for that to be part of a Quickie story. It isa good start, this entry, with a peek into the lives of the two athletes and their relationship.

Prompt: You hit the prompt with this entry, for sure. All we needed to see was two characters in some type of romantic thing together where they each played a different sport. You've got a fighter and a tennis player. Fun part, there was a story where a hockey player had a sister who played tennis and they had memes made from pictures of how they looked when watching each other due to the sheer boredom. Not romantic but it gave me the idea for the prompt. Can be fun when there is that question of who is superior in regards to the macho world of sports.

Characters/Story: This is a good start with the characters. Obviously, there is some limitation considering the story is less than 600 words in length. We would get more with a longer story. But we do get a peek at not just the characters but the dynamic between the two, which is important.

Other Notes: You did well overall with the flash fiction piece. I always want more, cause I like novellas and novels but can appreciate what you put for the contest. The end is a nice wrap up even if it's more of a tell aspect compared to show. The characters are fun and you did all in meeting the prompt.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep Writing!


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19
19
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Beck Firing back up! .

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] since I posted in the forum after you. Happy to give a review and share my thoughts since we also entered the same contest.


Initial Reaction: It is definitely a fun story, taking the meteorologist route with the contest prompt. You took an amusing take with the characters and the use of names to showcase the animal elements that were required. I was a little torn with how to feel on the approach as part of me liked the more show focus but a little part of me also wanted to be told a few details.

Contest/Prompt: The contest is a fun one with different prompts every single day, which makes it a good choice for the I Write challenge. Granted, not all of the prompts are as appealing but this one caught our attention along with others. This does follow the prompt in that the characters are animals but judging by the names, none of them are the groundhog and are not meant to be humans even if they are human-like with the existence of the news company and weather predictor role. And it works in particular because with some I read, I couldn't even tell the animal referenced. While I wasn't 100 percent sure, since going off cues, we still had enough information to go by with your approach. And it looks like we both went with some type of penguin (maybe, if Pen is a penguin).

Other Notes and Thoughts: Nice work!

I don't have much that I can say against it. I do like that you used hints with the characters, but also a little part of me wanted a confirmation. And I kinda hope Daisy is not a cow and probably should avoid duck cause copyright (Disney might notice, lol), just to not be too on the nose for every critter/person.

One minor suggestion would be to maybe change the title. It sort of gives things away that the move is going to happen so we sort of know the position is given. That takes away a little of the potential conflict and makes the story feel more than just a conversation. Not bad but has potential to give a little more for the reader. Nice work with this story based off the Groundhog Day prompt.

Keep Writing!


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20
20
Review of The Cleansing  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Kåre Enga in Montana

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: While I'm not a fan of vampires, the particular approach did make things interesting. I have some medical background and the approach with the return of something, just not the taking of energies/blood is a good idea. You have a creative character and managed quite a bit within the very short amount of words.

Prompt: This type of character is a little obvious from the prompt and the most popular. Even so, you did take the character a different route in how you showed the conflict with the misunderstood requirement.


Other Thoughts: Thank you for the different notes at the end and I like that you did it footnote style with the numbers. That does help and gives a good approach with the kind of information that may be unknown to some readers. Plus the name factor is just amusing to add that as the first note. Well done overall.




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21
21
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Greetings Kotori Tachibana

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: This is a good start to a story. For me, this is more of an idea and free write to feel things out but not quite the finished product. There is information about the character and some of the struggles. for the life of an atypical vampire but it's very much told to the reader. It has potential but will need some work.

Prompt: This does have the elements requested for the prompt since it required a classic horror character who isn't really the villain, just misunderstood. So, the vampire was an expected choice but one that does make it easy to qualify for the contest. With some work, this could be an interesting vampire for readers to enjoy.

Other Notes and Final Thoughts: While I have a number of thoughts, I am going to limit things here as to not go overboard in one review. If you ever want to chat writing, just send me an email and I'll respond as soon as I can. There are some technical elements you could consider but first I would suggest starting on some work on the tell versus show aspect for writing. I may not care for vampires, but I would have enjoyed the story more if I'd gotten to see things from Raluca's point of view instead of being told about her. And it doesn't have to be first person as third person can have more show.

It feels like the story is missing dialogue and action because of the current method to the approach in story telling. Will take some progress, but I think you can take the character and idea, work on the writing skill and come up with something many readers will appreciate. Sure there are many stories about vampires that aren't the horrible creatures of horror stories, but the character can give a reader a different spin they will appreciate.

Only technical point I would mention is maybe try not to have a really big block of text with the very big paragraphs or the lack of space between paragraphs. A little space will help for the online reader. Just a technical suggestion but will help with an easy fix of an extra return between paragraphs so something that is easier to execute.

Thank you for taking the time to attempt the prompt. I do hope you enjoyed the challenge and keep writing.


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22
22
Review of Doomsday  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings Beholden

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: I didn't know what to expect with this one. It did have something interesting going on, if I wasn't always able to follow the story with ease. The characters are something to catch a readers attention and the end brings things to a particular point.


Prompt: To be honest, I'm not the most knowledge on classic horror characters so that may have been a downfall for me as a judge for this particular prompt. I can assume it fits well enough to qualify for the contest but I wouldn't be able to tell someone how there was a known villain in the story that was misunderstood. Maybe a note at the bottom along with the prompt would help for those of us less knowledgeable on the topic would help.


Final Thoughts: While I might not have been the best reader for this particular one, I can appreciate the approach taken with the story telling. I also did like that you came up with something different. Even without recognizing the particular character used, it avoided the risk of overdone choices and that I can enjoy. Nice work.

Keep writing *Penw*


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23
23
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings. PureSciFi

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: Nice to see some speculative fiction, in any contest, as that's my preferred approach. While I lean to fantasy over sci-fi, with your username and track record, I know what to expect and enjoy the unique approaches you take. This story is no exception to that and was an interesting read.


Prompt: While I am not aware of the deathbringer when it comes to "known" villains, it's easy enough to tell there is a reason for the choice based on the prompt. And it was a nice change compared to some of the other, over expected choices. In any prompt where there is something overly expected, having something different can be appreciated.


Final Thoughts: Overall, this was a good approach in using a character that is shown as one that others view as a villain or bad but that view is misguided. It's different, which I did like. I might not have always understood what was going on, but I could tell enough to appreciate where the story went. The downside, is that with the limited word count and type of story, you had to put in enough information to keep the reader in the loop without going overboard and risk the word count issue. Could use a couple minor tweaks, check out for weak word choices that could be made stronger. Still, it's well done. Good job.

Keep Writing *PenR*


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24
24
Review of Con-text  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings THANKFUL SONALI Now What?

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: This one was amusing. And it's no surprise when I checked out the author name by the suitcase *Wink* but I tend to look at that last most of the time. The choice in character wasn't the most surprising but the approach made it work with the fun amount and use of context for the story.


Prompt: This took a very expected character and finding a different approach with the use of the prompt. This was a very amusing approach to both the prompt and the character. Made it easy to see the qualification for the contest but also gives room for other readers.


Final Thoughts: My attention was gained from the start. While the vampire approach was overly expected and not my preferred character, it was a great approach considering the prompt and not expected approach taken with the story. You found a way to make the character different and the story one that would stand out among the other attempts. Well done.

Keep Writing *Penw*


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25
25
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Amethyst Angel🌸📝🪽

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: While the vampire character is not one I prefer, this story did have some aspects of character and moments where it caught my attention. Even with the first person point of view there is a development of character that some readers will really enjoy.


Prompt: While a vampire character is no surprise with the prompt, that aspect does mean it's easy enough to see the qualification for the contest. While there are a number of tales that show a not evil vampire, it was still a good approach and you managed to find a way to add elements to make it more interesting, which helps move beyond some of the "expected" territory.


Final Comments: The dog part is a nice little touch. Never would have thought to add the pet but it also makes sense. I would want my cat to come with me to into the different life if that was possible. The Dracula book comment is also amusing though may throw off some readers since it's breaks the barrier between the story and the reader. Sometimes having a character day "you" when they mean the reader, some are not fans of that but others won't mind at all. Nice work with the story you created finding a different way to use the vampire character and how you put them to be misunderstood.




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