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1,293 Public Reviews Given
1,534 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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Review of My Singing Canary  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello PinkLime Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I found your item when looking for a random read. It caught my attention with the title and beginning lines, so I felt like it would be nice to share my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your writing on the site.

Initial Thoughts: I like the approach with this short poem. There is something poetic about the canary. This makes for a good subject. You do take a sorrowful approach but it's one that works well in the approach of a poem. I do also understand what you mean about maybe something feeling not quite set in the poem so that you're not 100% satisfied. Not in a way that things are bad but just that nagging of something off or two.

Imagery: The use of the image connected to the item so that it sits above the poem or in your profile for those that might come upon it that way is a good choice. I like that it's a colorful image even if the poem isn't a happy one.

Final Thoughts and Suggestions: Overall, it's a good poem. It has some good lines and makes uses of punctuation in order to create the pauses or spots where a reader can breathe. I do have a couple of suggestions that you might consider if you wanted to do a little work on the poem. I know not everyone rewrites or edits poems but will add this just in case.

The first spot that I am iffy about is the forgotten memory line. The use of the long line after memory makes me feel like it's going to embrace a middle thought before returning. Like maybe we get a memory then back to the same one of the poem with another long line to close it off. I don't get that here. I do see why you go to the canary having forgotten and lamenting over that element but it just doesn't connect at that point as strong.

I also wasn't sure on the flowers being dead but I thought they were still blooming line as it stands because of the question mark at the end. I feel like that almost is a spot where there is potential to increase the poem. Make it longer with a few more lines or play with adding more stanzas before bringing us to an ending. There is the potential for details. How can these dead flowers look like they are blooming. That is where my mind goes at least.

There is some development that could make it even better that could also be helped with a little time. Since this poem is new, I would suggest taking time away before even considering developing or editing an item. It's good to have a break before reworking anything.

The poem is one that I did enjoy. I like the very idea and approach taken from the line of a singing canary. I would even say that I like the title as the first line, which usually I would think it unnecessary. This might work well in this case. Nice work at creating the poem and hopefully you are having fun placing items here on the site.

Keep writing and see where the poetic word takes you. *Bird*



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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well, hello there, DS Author Icon.

Thank you for taking the time to write something for the prompt from my contest. While you did technically miss the deadline for the week, I do know the challenge that comes with writing these stories for the prompts. No one else entered the week, so no winners but I am happy to give a little review.

First Impression: This is a good attempts and something vaguely familiar. I'm not sure if I've read these characters before but they did seem familiar. I could go back and look to see if you entered previous rounds with them but eh, that takes effort. I think this is one that some readers will enjoy but it also left me with a few questions.

Most expect the three little words to be "I love you" but it seems that there is something else implied that doesn't get said.


Prompt: This month, I tried to make the prompts a little easier. Just needed to use the words that are listed in a way that makes sense for the story. You do have all of the words and in bold to make them easy enough to find. Two are at the very end, with can seem like they are done at random to fit in the contest but it does make sense. Awkward wording but makes sense.

Characters/Story: The characters have potential but this one also works well almost on its own except for the unanswered question. I sort of got the idea like the couple might be skirting the edge of BDSM but not quite in the know for things. At least the beginning comes off more safe word dare situation but from my reading, making safe words long and phrases isn't ideal. In fact, many use a coding system like red, yellow or green for status checks. That is only relevant is they are sort of trying to be on that end if she would want things to end or not as the three words.

Granted, at the title point, there was the thought about the romance three words. Spoiler if people reader reviews before stories but you know... And while they do say it in the story, it's so natural seeming for them there isn't really much huzzah made so that doesn't feel like what the title and initial thoughts referenced.

Other Notes: I don't have too much to add with this particular story. Just a couple of minor points.

One thing that I notice right away, and it might be because it's something that I'm fixing myself on my own stories, is the font size. It's a little smile. My eyes were a little problematic today too so I ended up using my glasses, though I'm near sighted and rarely need them when on my laptop. It would help for the variety of readers to put all stories and poems posted on here to a size 3.5 or 4 instead of the basis one that the site automatically uses. That will help make it easier to read.

The very end, it's just a me thing but the wording with the 2 words used in the dialogue come off odd. I don't know if you worded it that way to sound natural but could be trimmed down as it's passive this way and might even be missing a word after tired. Maybe that got trimmed on accident. When I have to edit down to fit a word count limit that happens at times. But good start and thank you for entering. If it had been about 12 hours earlier and other people entered that week, you would have had a chance at placing, depending what the others produced of course.

Again, thank you for taking the time to even write this based off my prompt. I hope you at least enjoyed the challenge and are happy with what you produced. Keep trying and maybe I'll see you this week or during the WDC birthday week. *Bigsmile*


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Lonewolf Author Icon

Thank you for taking the time to write an entry for the Weekly Quickie contest! I appreciated the entry and hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt.

First Impression: This was an enjoyable story that took a nice approach to summer with prompt words that indicated towards a cabin near a lake with events for the contest. I liked the romance approach with the strangers in the bar even though it is a little on the typical side. With the characters, you get something different that also feels developed even though we know it was short term since the Quickie is only a week.

Prompt: The prompt is easy enough to find with the use of the bold font and they made sense in the context of the story. The only down part would be that they are sort of bunched together. This isn't wrong but at times can make it seem to a judge that they were thrown in because of the prompt. Luckily, they don't seem forced, which is what can come off when that happens at times. It makes sense and the setting started with leads believability that a cabin by the lake would be a place to get together.

Characters/Story: I did like the bit of character development that we got from this story as he starts with the job that summer and seeing the love interest. We also get enough of an interaction between them that feels like a believable bit of conversation. A few of the paragraphs gave details for setting and others gave us character and situation to get to the romance building aspect. Combining those together did well for making the story enjoyable for different readers.

Other Notes: The approach you took worked well overall. I do recommend a minor edit as a few of the sentences did have a flow issue. This includes the first paragraph. The last sentence could use another comma. A time or two might not need a comma but that one feels like it should. Like most stories done in a day or a week, a little edit is always gonna happen.

Nice work and thank you for the entry. Good luck and keep writing!



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for entry "Around the Campfire" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi there Angelica Weatherby- Bday WDC 9 Author IconMail Icon!

Thank you for entering a round of the Weekly Quickie with the cabin and lake word prompts. I appreciated the entry and hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt. These are just some thoughts I have as a reader in ways that maybe the story could be developed more.

First Impression: This does well in putting the prompts to create the setting for the story. It has some small elements with the way of character showcasing and the potential to develop a relationship that could become a romance story. However, it does seem a little rushed. This tells the reader what things you want to happen in a story but needs some development to become a better read. I have a few ideas that I will mention further down in the review.

Prompt: You do all have all of the prompts required since the rounds this month need to have the particular words used and put in bold. That made them easy to find. It does make sense with how you used them in the first paragraph to set the scene. I would recommend in the future maybe trying to hold off with one or two words so that you can use them throughout the story and not just have them placed in the first paragraph. That is just my preference at least, so that it makes the prompt usage feel less forced if they have natural spots throughout the story.

Characters/Story: Due to the limited word count, you did have more you could use for the contest, we don't get much of the characters. 242 isn't very many words to get setting, detail of characters and showcase how the friends could become more than that. I think the story was a little hurt by the lower word count and if you had the time, it would really have helped to develop things more. Give us some details about the characters so the reader can visualize them. Also, show us a little more of the relationship and conflict over her wanting to date.

Other Notes: I do like some of the details and think the story has potential but will need some work. Here are a few of my suggestions at this stage:

Some of the dialogue sounds a little unnatural in my head. Perhaps read them out loud might help. Some things will smooth things along like word choices or in the one after the kiss, maybe part of it should be after the dialogue tag. So, after she says "that felt good" then she plays with her hair before making the suggestion of dating him instead because he also happens to be single.

While most of the story, I would like things added. There is one minor example where maybe editing out a word could help with how the dialogue sounds. In the very beginning, it might sounds better to cut out "how" and have the character just ask "would you like another" Having the "how" and the "would" comes off a little awkward.

Overall, I think it just need more for the story. I want to know some details for the main character so that I want them to be together. Right now, it's a minor glimpse and the character just seems a little wishy-washy to drift that fast from a potential to the friend. Maybe you know these characters well, if you write about them in other stories. However, for this flash fiction attempt, we just don't get enough in the story

Thanks for trying. I really do appreciate the entry and know it's not an easy set of genres for some. Keep writing and good luck!



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Review of Life Decisions  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today since I posted in the I Write forum after you. This means the review is connected to the challenge, "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] I hope you are enjoying the challenge and having fun entering the contests.

Initial Reaction: A nice story about a girl who is trying to make a major decision about her life or at least what she is going to do for the next year or so. It was a good attempt based on a prompt that other people will enjoy reading. Was a good entry for the contest too.

Contest/Prompt: I am familiar with the contest, since I've entered it a number of times. This is also one where I often check out the prompt even if I don't enter. I did look this day and saw the prompt about having to look at the crossroads before making a decision. It was an interesting prompt and you took a good approach to the topic.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I do like the approach you took even if it isn't the most action packed conflict driven story, it is a nice conversation. I liked the voice you created even if I'm not the fondest of first person POV for stories.

Follow the heart might have been used a little too often. I know that at the end it gets switched to dream for the last couple of times from the aunt. However, it might help to maybe trim one more of the heart references in the middle so that it's not overemphasized. Can keep the all capital one for the emphasis it provides, which normally I would suggest not doing but in this story it works well.

The only minor technical note came with this sentence: Taking on editing job. With the structure of the sentence, I think is should be plural for the job part. So, editing jobs, or do one and having the addiction of "an" for it to be a single one. An editing job would be the other option.

Overall, nice work with this story. Congratulations on the win. You had a little competition so that's pretty cool that you got the win for the day. Well done!

Keep writing!


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Review of edges  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Sami Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I am reviewing your poem with the help of the random read option here on the site. The poem caught my attention after glancing over the first line, which enticed me to keep reading. These are just my random thoughts and suggestions.

Initial Thoughts: My first glance over was interesting because I read the words based on just the appeal of the first line. It wasn't until I pulled up the review template that I noticed the poem title and description. Those also help and give more understanding to the theme/topic of the poem. It is something that I was able to appreciate. I do have some suggestions on ways to improve on things as an edit will help make it even stronger.

Form: Not a specific form seen but you do follow a rhyme scheme with have sets of lines that rhyme this is fairly common and it wasn't so forced to cause a distraction because I didn't even notice it at first. That is a good sign that it has a decent flow even though there is some editing I have to suggest for the poem in several spots and an overall consistency.

One thing that I did notice is that there is a little bit of an inconsistency with the use of capital letters at the start of lines. This is an example: whispers turn into brawl You have a couple of options because you can either make every line start with a capital letter, or you can only have ones that are the start of a new sentence with a capital letter. Either way works, when also using punctuation in a poem, but I would pick one as right now there are a few lines that miss the capital letter that all of the others have currently.

Another things I have noticed is some minor typos or incorrect spelling for words, like this: and than push away, a frightened child. In this case, it should be "and then" instead. When using "than" it would be done during a comparison. It's minor but easily to type by accident.

A different but similar typo is with this line: I crave your touch, them scream at you "Don't stay." Here it would be "then" instead of "them" for the line.

I would suggest just going over the poem to check for any other typos, issues with punctuation (commas) and such. Doing this will help overall. And perhaps the title is something that you could also adjust so that it has a capital letter at the begging, which was common for any title of an item.

Topic: I like how you approached the BPD struggles. It's very internal and realistic. Feels like some elements that people can relate to on a personal level. I liked it.

Final Thoughts: It is a good start to a poem. There are some thoughts I have, like you could space things out with different stanzas but it also works fine in the one stanza approach. It has a good topic and was a decent read where I maybe have struggled a little with technical difficulties but that's fine. You've got a starting point and can have fun developing your skills as a poet.

I have one final suggestion when it comes to the lines in the poem. The way it is now, this line feels out of place:
I'm not broken, just alive. However, I am torn as to how it should be resolved. Because this feels like a good last line based on the topic. However, that would also mean moving the line rhymed with is and maybe rewriting that line. But the last line of the poem does sound good in its spot too. So, another option would be to just switch the lines so that my mind is followed by my nerves, then it says I'm not broken. The way it is now, the flow feels off because it feels like the mind and nerves are connected and a similar thought compared to the being alive, which is a good final statement after talking about those details.

At the end of the day, all of these suggestions are just my thoughts. You can consider the edits or a rewrite. That is an option. Or you can do whatever you want since it's your poem.

Thank you for sharing this on the site and I hope you keep writing.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello there, J. M. Grey Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today as I found it on the site. I also have noticed that you are a newer member, so welcome. I hope that you enjoy what you find here and if you have any questions there are many of us and a variety of options for finding the answers.

Initial Reaction: The topic drew me in with the title and the description. Makes me curious since it's the first thing I'm reading from you since it mentions expansion but I haven't read the initial one. Still, didn't hurt anything and I was able to understand/appreciate the comments made. You do make some interesting points here that will have people thinking, whether they agree or disagree.

Topic: The topic is an interesting one even for those of us who might not feel as drawn to violence. However, certain emotions and internal regulation can be difficult. As someone who has worked with individuals who don't always have self control and end up in what are called melt downs, I've seen some times when it is clear there is an internal battle to control when there is actions or almost actions that can be violent. I also studied psychology, so have that background.

For me, part of this reminds me of the topic that I'm drawn towards in psychology which is the concept of the self versus the other. How we develop the divide over the years and the big problems they cause in the world when you really look at things.

Other Thoughts: I have always not agreed with the whole, tv and such causes people to be violent. Violence is realistic, unfortunately, because we have so much in our own world where things happen. Can't really blame games like Grand Theft Auto, Mortal Kombat, or even Duck Hunter. Even Mario cart you can bash against other cars if you do terrible at driving on it. I remember playing Mortal Kombat in the bowling alley back when they had arcade games there. I've learned to use a gun with my dad and did archery once in a PE class. But I tend not to be drawn to that violent side and don't have outbursts at this time. We never know how things will go as we age. Some who have dementia or Alzheimer's can start to have issues and break things.

The only thing I would say on the technical writing side is that this feels a little like a free write and maybe could use a little direction. Are you trying to make it more like an essay? If going that route maybe a format would help like the 5 paragraph structure if you wanted to add a little evidence behind the points. Also, if this is a continuation, I recommend linking the first item because you never know which one someone will find first.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here and keep writing.



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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bernie Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I found your poem through the random reads function on the site. This review is just my random thought and suggestions based on my personal opinion. Thank you for sharing your writing here on the site. Also, random comment here: cute costumicon for your case. *Wink*

Initial Thoughts: I like the idea of the poem and was drawn towards it by the title. The description could tell a little more or be poetic but it does enough to let people know at least that they will be reading a love poem. I don't know if there was a purpose for the poem or prompt, any source that gave a reason for it to be written. So, I will go off the idea that you just decided you wanted to write poem.

Form: For the form, nothing is listed. It does follow a basic rhyme scheme that is common for general poems and could work with the free verse approach. While I don't often recommend the use of colorful text for writing in general but I would say that this is subtle enough that it doesn't distract from the poem.

Technicalities: One thing that I would suggest is to perhaps add more consistent punctuation. Either that or don't use any or capital letters at all. Right now, you have the lines set up well like sentences but they don't have the final punctuation, aka the period. You do have a comma in the first line. However, there are other lines that could use a comma but they don't have them. An example is that after "holding me close" a comma would give a good pause point to breath and give punch to the emotions involved in the poem.

The line around the middle near the end, sounds a little strange in my head. "Us, dancing in the stars, so up high" For me, the issue is the "so up high" as so doesn't feel right and really the high in the sky part is implied with the stars. Perhaps a different word choice could go there. That is just me though. Someone might have a different opinion.

Oh and I wasn't sure if you put extra space at the top and bottom of the poem so that it has that space between the title part and the actual poem. Combined with the center choice, it's interesting. Oh, and maybe making the font a little bigger will help those that have a hard time reading but the bold font choice helped.

Final Thoughts: This is a cute little love poem. It's a nice topic choice and while commonplace for poetry (love poem), you took a good approach.

Nice work and keep writing!



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Lonewolf Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today just for fun since you posted in in the newsfeed section and I had to look at an item about an elf considering it's part of my username.

Initial Reaction: A good approach to showcasing a particular moment in a fantasy world where there are elves and weapons are things like bows, so training is important. I liked the moment showcased and what we get to see from the characters. While I do have a slight question over name choices, overall the micro fiction story was easy to follow.

Contest/Prompt: Thanks for sharing the information about the contest this was entered and the prompt, though I would have maybe guessed the prompt since it is the only section that used the bold. Made it easy to find the prompt too, with the bold. While you had to put the "important" focus in due to the contest, you did it in a way that made sense for the story. That helps as it doesn't come off forced or only done in order to enter. Nice work.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I like the idea of this story. My only concern would be the names. I was able to mostly follow without getting lost but if doing a longer story the Elven Elwyn and Eldwyn would get confusing. There was a young adult fantasy story that I read but when he went over to the floating islands some of the people there had similar names. I couldn't keep track of the characters with the similar sounding names as it was confusing. Though I know you could be doing the names that way on purpose, there is that risk someone might get confused.

Sounded like a long time to practice but the one training should be good some day and blindfolded, that is tough. I have actually done the bow and arrow, target practice. Never figured out how to use the guide thing so I mostly rely one what feels right. Fun stuff.

Nice job with the micro fiction story. Congratulations on placing first for the day in the contest!



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Review of What Time is It?  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author Icon.

I am reviewing your item today since I posted after you in the forum for "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] once again. Hopefully you still are enjoying the challenge of getting the entries in to various contests and doing reviews.

Initial Reaction: While I'm not always certain about the particular contest, the topic did grab my interest. I've done a couple of poems about time and even once wrote a prologue about changing the view of time so we didn't have the different time zones. So, it was something that I found interested with the addition of the particular questions to lay out the personal essay type of item. You also have some very relatable responses that different readers will be able to connect with on their own, personal levels. This was a good read even from a person of none religion.

Contest/Prompt: While I don't know the contest all that well, I did enjoy reading the item that you created in discussing the nature of time, which was the prompt. You did well in bringing the questions of the prompt into the essay format, making certain that the judge knows that you went into the topic based on what they put forth. It is often good to use the question when it's the "prompt" for an essay in the writing of the response to give proof that it is being answered. That is a good approach and won't have other worry about the judge saying it didn't follow the prompt. Well, I have had one professor not agree that an essay followed a prompt even with the approach but your time approach shouldn't have that issue.

On the other technical side, I will say that I liked the approach of the essay formatting. You even have the sort of beginning where you use something like lyrics from a song to grab the reader's attention before moving to the main topic, which you followed with something personal in talking about time perception. It takes a little longer to get to the thesis in that there are a few paragraphs but it still has a familiar formatting that has reminiscence of school but also enough to make it not sound like you had to do it for class.

Personal Reactions and Story Time: You did well with a challenging topic. I like that you brought out questions in return because much of what we believe is trained in what we are taught. I'm starting to get to a philosophical mindset myself where I realize how we communicate what we know is based on words that are made up by the humans. There is much that we created in order to have organization and connections but they also limit us. Time may be in those frames of thought as you can establish with the questions in this essay. And perhaps there are different worlds or variations of ourselves that happen in different time frames. That gets us to things like string theory or whatever the multi-universe concept that puts the world concepts similar to slices of bread next to each other. Various options in the scientific world so not sure on the various religious options or beliefs. Even if there is linear then you have to consider past lives and if we return in different capacities as that could still follow that timeframe.

My one main suggestion is the parts with the number and questions could use adjusting. There are a couple of the questions that you are going to answer where you start with a capital letter but many of them since they are all after a : you just use lower case. The smaller font for the questions also gives an off or odd appearance to me. I would suggest putting the font size a little bigger for the questions and use a capital letter at the start of each question. Or maybe bring down the font for the number question part so that it fits the other and instead keep the underline to indicate the difference or you could even make them bold to help stand out instead of the size difference for the indicator.

Perhaps the footnote could be given a little more space or made a little smaller. I know that makes it a little harder to read but it almost always seems like the foot note is smaller or I am remembering wrong. Hard to tell since I haven't had to look for footnotes in writing fora long time. Maybe if I decide to go back for a Master's degree I will have to face those again.

While I might not understand all of the answers that you have here, I did find it interesting. I could also relate to some aspects like the science talk or the difficulty to keep track of the passing of time. Nice work with the topic and good luck with the contest. *Smile*


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Review of Product Rollout  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings ChristineB Author Icon.

I couldn't help but review your entry from Writer's Cramp once I saw the approach you took with the itsy bitsy bikini part. These are just my thoughts and based off personal connections to the topic.

Initial Reaction: This was a very amusing approach. It caught my attention in particular because I have competed in a powerlifting meet before, a couple of times. I still have the required outfit that we need to wear and hope to some day compete again. As for this new option, I'm going to say No. I would definitely rather wear the singlet over a bikini any day. Plus, I don't trust the strong ones that just tie. Seems like they would come undone whether it's from a wave or when doing a deadlift. That is not something I would want. lol It might work for bodybuilding competitions since they have a bikini category.

Contest/Prompt: You took a funny approach in a very minimal amount of words to the song title usage, which was the prompt. You did manage to get all three in a funny way that does make sense and doesn't come off forced.

Very funny idea that I can't imagine Chippendales taking control of outfits that are required for both male and female competitors. Made for an interesting choice. Will they pick out the music next? *Wink*


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I did like the approach and the only thing I have to offer on the technical side is something minor that doesn't really have to do with the micro fiction. Since there is very little to the story, I would recommend that the link to the contest but the ritem form instead of bitem. The way it is now, the link is so big and with the image from the forum, this distracts from what should be the focus of the item. I would even add it without a link too in case the contest ever gets removed, though I doubt this one will. It's something I've noticed from checking old items and is a think I need to start doing on my own since I've seen that happen on items. it is nice to know what influenced the item when going back years later.

Nice work on this micro item. It was fun to read and I am sure you enjoyed writing it too. Keep on writing!



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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there, N.R.Nora Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I noticed that you are new to the site. I also saw the call for feedback on the opening scene, so thought that I would offer my opinion. I have been on WDC a long time but have also been a reader of fantasy novels since my years as a young pre-teen, so that was a long long time ago. These are just my thoughts with some focused on how the presentation for the site and others is on the general content presented so far.

Initial Reaction: One thing that I can say for sure is that I want to know more. That is what you want from an opening scene, whether it's a prologue or going to end up as chapter one. You want the reader to have interest in finding out more so that they keep reading. However, I also want more because the "scene" as listed by you in the description, this doesn't feel complete. Keep going and give us more. We don't need everything but something more for information and details will really bring it more into that feeling where someone will be able to see it as a finished scene while keeping the desire to read more scenes/chapters.

Story: I don't know what the main story is because this is just the very first scene. I do get a little about the main character, or at least the first one provided since I don't know if this will be single main character or multiple for point of view. You can go either way but I do recommend keeping it limited in the beginning, depending where you go with the story. Aeryn is facing something and my curiosity is captured.

I will admit for the briefest moment, when we went to graveyard scents and silhouettes, I wanted to go to zombie mode. That may be because I had to do zombie makeup a few weeks ago and keep seeing walking dead style advertisements on tv. Once I read further, the demon style elements did make sense.

Is this a prologue or a first chapter?

Also, is this a first draft? I ask this question because if it is, doesn't matter whether people like prologues or not. If you are still writing the draft, keep going. It takes more than one draft to get a finished novel and even then, there are always things that can be changed but first you need to finish the story.

Technical Notes and Final Comments: The technical side of writing is quite well done. Probably better than my review, which could use some adjusting in word choices and sentence structure. I have some advice on the appearance that are specific to this site that will help make it easier for others to read.

Font size - The automatic font size is okay but can be hard for some to read. I suggest when editing the static item that you use the font size (the one with three S on the image) to put the words at 3.5 or 4 because it's large enough.

The bold for the first line is nice but I have an idea on what you can do with that section. I would put them a little above the rest of the words. Instead of four questions, do two as questions and either two as statements or one as a statement and have the other combined in the question. Like this:

Can rain be red?
Thick and metallic.
Shouldn't it be clear?
Pure and gentle.

This could be sort of poetic and/or the sentence lines could be added to for more descriptions. The part about Hell coming and death had a poetic look too. That brings me to another appearance point. Between every paragraph, I would put a space. Like how I have them in this review. There is an empty line between each new paragraph. Right now it looks like the entire scene is one paragraph even though it isn't since you have the tab for each new one. That isn't needed but if you want to do that you can.

Add more words. Keep going and write us a tale about Aeryn cause I want to know if she is an 8th figure or how things will combine. Thank you for sharing and welcome to the site. If you have any questions, we have many forums for connecting with others and I'm often available.

Keep writing!



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13
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for entry "Weekend Escape" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello there, Dave Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I noticed your entry in the Bard's Hall contest. I decided to give this poem a review after giving it a read over. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.

Initial Thoughts: This is an inventive approach considering the prompt options available and having to follow the very specific form. It will create a good image and one of the times where I will say the colored prompt really works with a contest entry. Others will enjoy what you have showcased here.

Contest/Prompt: I'm very familiar with the contest and even found the poem because it was entered there. Still, one thing you could consider is adding that information in the footnotes. I've gone back to a couple of really old entries I've done due to random reviews and now wish I'd put the contest name so that I knew years later. Thank you for putting in the information about the form since it was a major part of what we needed to submit this round. I like how you used two of the prompts that we could pick from for poem topic. It's creative to use the required types of words from one prompt to ease into the other.

Form: You did well with the form. It was a challenge in a way because each line had to have a specific type of word used. That can come off random and difficult to create a poetic flow that people expect from poetry.

Final Comments: I really like what you created here. You've got something that is really up for a chance at placing but it's going to be a tough round. I am betting there will be many entries. Overall, nice job and good luck!



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14
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, svsaqua

My name is Dawn and I am reviewing your item today because I decided to look around for something to check out on here. It's kind of nice to have something a little different than flash fiction or short poems. I also find it interesting, based on your profile that you have created a profile for this manufacturer company on a writing web site that is mostly dedicated to peer reviewing.

Initial Reaction: It was kind of fun to see the brochure style set of information here on the site. I didn't even know how to do the table like that here. Is it an image? Then again, it looks like you tried to add an image but it doesn't come through on my end. I'm not sure what the issues is with that near the end but that is something you might want to look into for the only item so far on the portfolio.

General Content: While I don't know much about what was being discussed, it was quite interesting and the layout made it easy to read. I am guessing the bottom part has something to do with search algorithms and ways to have the item be found online from web searches.

At first, it read like a student creating something for an assignment at school. Checking out the profile changed that viewpoint so some reviews, if they come through, may not notice that element. Some people will research around a little on a profile when checking out a writing item and other people will just take the item at face value. In that vain, I did sort of wonder if maybe this was met for something else or had a reason to keep everything short. Not that short and sweet is wrong for text but sometimes we need a little more. There might be a spot or two where even more information could be put in to give a reader details beyond the basics because many of us will not really know much about this topic.

Final Thoughts: The final thing that really stands out for me is a question of audience. Who is the reader supposed to be for this item? I can say that for sure, I'm not. While I did find it interesting, I have no connections that would influence the decisions made for industrial water treatment. I'm not sure who, if any on this site have that type of connection but thank you for sharing the information.


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15
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Review of Nothing to do  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello there Random Ghost Author Icon

I noticed that you are new to the site and thought I'd stop by to offer a review. I have been around for quite some time, so if you have any questions or need some places to ask things, email me. Or there are some forums if you want to put them out to get different opinions from others.

Initial Reaction: It sounds like you have the makings of a blog or personal journal here, with "nothing to do" and I'm assuming that it's what is going on in your daily life. This doesn't really read as something you would make up, which helps for some of the decisions made that I will go into detail a little lower in this review.

Hopefully, in the future, if you stay around long enough and get a higher level membership, you could have a book item and create a blog here for these entries.

Title and Description: I like the title because it's fitting. When it comes to fiction we worry about writing the days where something does happen. In a blog post. However, as a moderator I do have to mention that you shouldn't use the coding of doing things like the "1" instead of an "I" to avoid actually swearing. Here it is either use the word or don't use it. I would just change it to crap because while very mild, it does put the description to non-e due to the site's restrictions. Some don't agree with that quality while others want us to be even more strict, so we try to balance in fairness. Nothing wrong with a non-e entry either.


General Thoughts and Reactions: Aww. I might be old but I could feel the crest of emotion over the PS2 with the happiness to the pain right away. For stories and poems, I tend not to want the yelling all caps for words but with the personal blog entries, I say go for it. They add punch while showing where you experience some emotional bursts. Maybe have it all caps for "doesn't spare anyone" cause it looks weird with the e that didn't get to be big. And while on that, I think you mean "spar" instead of spare.

You have some typos that you could fix in the future if you decide to do an edit on your blog entries, or you can keep them and as you develop your skills the later entries will show what you learn.

I like the additional information of what song you were listening to during the writing process for this entry.

Thank you for posting on the site. I hope that you continue to post and find your way around the site. Good luck.



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16
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Claevyan Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I noticed your item entered in the Bard's Hall contest so decided to send over a review. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.

Initial Thoughts: I like the idea of the poem and the approach to the prompt with the choice to write about the mountains using the diamanté poetic form. I also like writing about nature and mountains for some of these forms, which made for a good prompt and I'm betting it will be popular for the many entries that will come in during the month long round.

Contest/Prompt: The does follow the prompt well since we were given one form to use and three options for topics. One thing to maybe consider would be to add more information at the end of the poem. Letting people know more about the form can be helpful so they don't have to do research or you can just add a link to a resource. I would also put the contest name and prompt into that part so people can know the resource for the information. I did like seeing what you were trying to create with the information at the end about the isolation, but it almost sounds like that was the prompt when it wasn't. I had to check to make sure, lol.

I also like how you used color in the bottom for the notes. While I don't like it used in poems when entered in contests, I might consider doing something similar for the line and word counts or the form/prompts. That is very nice.

Imagery: This creates a great image that many will relate since most people will have seen a mountain at some point or another. I have a person connection since my family has a small cabin in the mountains in Wyoming. Was there a few weeks ago and could see a shiny marker from the long distance on the top of Laramie Peak.

Technical Notes and Final Thoughts: Overall, this is well done and it will be a challenge for the judges since we didn't have to put many words due to what was required for the form. I do have one suggestion based on personal preference in how capital letters and sentence structures look on an aesthetic level. So, nothing is "wrong" but I think it would appear better if you would consider doing a very minor adjustment. Maybe others don't see it but the capitals at the start feels heavy on the left without having completed sentence elements to any line. Not that you need to have it come off as a sentence because I think you made some good word choices.

Since the lines aren't full sentences, the capital letter at the start of each line might not be necessary. From my point of view, you have two options and both would work. You could decide not to use capital letters at all. Since they are just the words reflecting the topic, they aren't really needed. I've done this with a few poems and it works. There are occasionally readers that want capital letters and punctuation, not every poem requires the usage of either. On the other hand, you could go with every word starting with a capital letter. This will give it a specific rhythm and a little more punch to the words.

Just my ideas. Good luck and keep writing! *PenB*


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17
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Review of Night's Lure  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Joy Author Icon

Well, I decided to try doing the read and review. This is the poem that came to my screen and it was kinda fun to see something written from just under 20 years ago from a purple case. While it's an old poem, there was something interesting about the title and the prompt that I discovered at the end. So, I'm giving a little review.

Initial Thoughts: At first, I wasn't exactly sure where this poem would go considering the title and a glance over before giving the solid read. The description would have helped but I didn't even really notice it until later since I found the item through the random read feature on the site. The form with the use of lines repeated in the other stanzas made it interesting and the combination with the prompt was quite interesting.

Contest/Prompt: I don't know the contest or challenge used since it was so long ago. However, the prompt is an interesting one, considering I own a romance/erotica contest on the site currently. Seduction can be difficult to write and you manage to do it in a tasteful way taking on a different approach than what one might generally use. I've always been a big fan of night and used to go for walks in the dark even as a teenager. So, to put the lure of the night for the context with the contest worked very well.

Form: Without looking up the form, I am going to guess that using the second line from the previous stanza is part of the poem. In fact, I'm fairly certain that I've written this form in the past as it's vaguely familiar. It's not easy to have the repetition that way and having it still flow well or coming off as forced.

Final Thoughts: This is a thoughtful poem with unexpected elements with the approach to a poetic approach to seduction in an almost ethereal way. Not sure if you could or would even want to change anything. Perhaps the font could be a little bigger to make it easier to read. Might help for someone who doesn't know anything about the different rules of the form to have the information at the bottom or to have a link if anyone wanted to check it out. But those are minor things. Overall, it is a good poem.

Thank you for sharing and keeping the item on the site. Hopefully you still create a poem here or there on occasion. *Smile*

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18
Review of Heritage  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Damon Nomad Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge.

Overall: The story has an interesting approach to the prompt with a heavy focus on dialogue and some elements of details to try and paint the picture. While the story had some elements that made it confusing for me, I also found the ending message to be quite strong and is something different readers could appreciate.

Prompt: The prompt is something easy enough to find. It focuses harder on the element of finishing a life long goal and a little less on what happens next. That may have been the only down side in relation to the prompt.

Story: There are some strong elements in the story and the overall development does make sense in a way with the help of particular elements like the title and description. As a story, there is a good focus on purpose once a reader makes it through to the end. However, it also felt like it needed more put into it for the pictures of the story to be more complete. The focus on the dialogue can be fine but for me, it made it hard to follow and at a couple of times, I wasn't quite sure who was the POV main character so had to go back a little to remember it was Clay.

I like the idea behind the story itself. It was good once I made it to the end to figure out where it is going. In some ways, I can see how this might work because the main character keeps that purpose to himself, not showing his cards but that also put the reader at a disadvantage since we don't see it from a deep viewpoint. We are off to the side and the dialogue can move a little fast. Even if you keep the distance instead of doing the very close viewpoint, it would help to put in more details of their world to bring the picture better into focus for other readers. This is a good starting point but perhaps a rewrite and edit would help push things further.

Other Notes: On the technical side, you have done fairly well. There aren't many things that would cause a reader to stumble when it comes to word choices or comma placement. I was a little uncertain on one dialogue point. "You should never had started this." Sounds off in my head but it is believable that he might say it that way. Size of font is also helpful and made it easy to read.

Thank you for the entry. Keep writing!


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19
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings debmiller1 Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.

Overall: This is a story with an interesting plot about someone who has spent their life trying to protect a small animal from becoming extinct or having their habitat destroyed. It follows the prompt from the contest showcasing a previous life long goal while also putting forth more than one challenge and a big decision at the end. A little hard to follow but that is dependent on the reader.

Prompt: When it comes to the prompt, this does follow the requirements and in some ways really well because we do see a life long goal achieved at the beginning and the main story is focused on what comes after. In this case, her goal gets challenged again but with a renewal due to a change in commands that she finds out about later. That leads to a big decision she had to make on continuing a fight for the protection of land.

Story: While this is a decent story, I do have to admit that I had a little bit of a hard time following. In the aftermath, I can understand the bits with the grandkids and everything but when I was on the route of the story it was hard to see when in the middle.

Other Notes: When it comes to the technical side there isn't much I can offer or critique, just a couple minor points. Like with any story, there is a chance that it could use a minor edit. Nothing harsh but even most of my own could use a little edit. One thing to maybe consider is the use of words ending in -ly. I try to limit them in short stories and individual chapters since they can be a waker form of writing. Just something to consider but depends on what you want to do.

One technical that I recommend that didn't have an input on the rating or judge decision is the size of font. While the standard, WDC font is easier to use, this can be hard to read on varying devices. Most people would use a computer but some can use tablets or phones. I recommend using 3.5 or 4 when it comes to stories, poems and other static items. That size of font is easier to read in general and even more so when it comes to people with varying reasons to. have difficulty reading smaller fonts. I try to remember to do mine now in bigger fonts but sometimes forget and have to edit later.

I also prefer the word count to be at the bottom of the item and to not include the title in the body. Title is because it's already listed on top in bigger letters near a description of the story. Word count because the first focus, to me, should be the story or whatever type of writing is in the body of the static item. At the bottom, you can include details like word count, prompt and contest entered. Those are helpful for people who are curious but don't necessarily need to be read as some won't care that find the story at random.

Good job and keep writing!

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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20
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Lonewolf Author IconMail Icon.

Thank you for taking the time to enter the Weekly Quickie contest during the July month with the LGBTQIA+ character prompts. Even though the prompts didn't get entries and the round you entered only had your story, I really do appreciate that you made the effort.

First Impression: This has many expected elements for the bisexual character story but also ones that are realistic. I could relate to the elements of the story as a writer but also on a personal level. It does provide what I was wanting from the story, to showcase aspects of a person with the particular orientation while showcasing a romance with the long approach, giving sections of the romance all within the limits of keeping the words under the small word count requirement. Different people with open minds to the different orientations can appreciate the story as a reader.

Prompt: The prompt was very specific and I'm glad you were willing to take on the task of trying to write in those details. The prompt does ask for a lot with the bisexual character, monogamous relationship and the request to show an insight into the relationship. While it is often easier to focus on a particular, shorter time frame to create a scene/short story, the approach you took made for a good read while also following the prompt in a way that is very easy to see.

Characters/Story: The characters are both realistic. For the male, he shows the little bit of discomfort and concern while also having the love for who he had chosen when it came to relationships. And the female was also believable. It's common to write about someone not being surprised when someone comes out, but it's also believable.

I like the end in particular. Even though I rarely have relationships and am asexual, I don't see why so many people make a big deal about someone in a relationship finding another person attractive. It should be okay to appreciate aesthetics as long as they don't go outside of the relationship in a cheating fashion. Different story for open communication in polyamory but that is a different story too.

Other Notes: Overall, nice work with this story that shows a relationship that developed over time and a comfortable moment where a confession gets made. I like the showcase in the trust and the way the characters handled things. Things are also written well on the technical side, which helped make for an easy read.

Personable story time. I had a male best friend in high school and it got to the point where everyone thought that he was either dating me, or that he was gay. We never did date, though I broached the suggestion since so many seemed to think it was already happening. He later did come out as gay. He had also spent some time as a teen making stupid comments but I kept telling him that was wrong, it was okay to be gay and not to make homophobic remarks. It was not a surprise when he came out. Nor was it a surprise when a friend I made at summer camp located at Stanford came out to me during high school years. He was fun to hang out with at the special camp for those interested in politics. So, when he told me on messenger that he was gay, I simply said Okay. That surprised him as he expected more of a reaction but I had no problem and it wasn't a surprise. This makes the reactions in your story realistic to me in particular.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep writing.


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21
21
Review of July Goodbye  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Apondia Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] as my post came after yours in the forum. Thank you for sharing the item written and helping out a site contest.

Initial Reaction: This is an interesting approach when given that was just the story/poem title. Gave you plenty of room and you went with saying goodbye to a month while giving the reader information about what happens during those days. Or at least what happens in the Northern Hemisphere where it's hot in July.


Contest/Prompt: The contest is a familiar one for many since Writer's Cramp has been going on for years. It is a helpful one for the writing challenge since there is a new prompt every day and the word count limit is within the requirements of the I Write challenge rules too. The prompt was fairly simple and you followed it not only as a title but also made it the topic of the item. I did learn some new day "holidays" that happen in July.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I do like the approach but I do have some comments and thoughts about things if you wanted to develop it or do a minor edit.

There are a couple of minot things that stand out technical wise in this particular piece that probably was influenced by needed to write with a short term deadline. Like at the very beginning. I tend to prefer not having the item title at the very top of an item in the written section since we have spots for titles. However, it can be fine except in this item there is a small typo where it says "JULY GOODBY" and is missing the last "E" needed for the word.

I would also recommend going through and considering the addition of commas. It's something I also need to work on in my editing so I can understand the struggles. There are some spots where a pause would come in handy that is a very slight moment, which is where the comma would come into place. Though there are also a couple that could maybe even be removed, not sure.

There is a time or two when it almost looks odd that there upper case letters but some are in the intention of sort of the start of the sentence but also there is the month and day before the word and other times when it's for an official title of a day. Perhaps finding a consistent way to connect the day and the comment about what happened around the time would be helpful. Some have July _ is and others have a comma after the number. There are sentences with multiple days and others that get their own paragraph. This is all not necessarily wrong but the way it lays out and looks, the effect makes the flow of reading a little choppy.

The very last paragraph, mostly the last line, also could use a little work as it almost makes the spacing seem different than the rest even though it might be the same. And if going with capital letters for Hello and Good then might either need to link bye with good or make it capital as well but I would probably go with not having them capital or putting them as short sentences like So... Hello August. Goodbye July. Or something of that nature. Just a suggestion based on my own opinion of course.

Alls of that aside, this is a fun little approach to the topic considering the prompt given in the round. Nice work and keep writing!



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22
22
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi there, Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today in connection with "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] since I posted in the forum after you. Thanks for sharing the entry/story and wow, you got three contests with this one. Very nice.

Initial Reaction: Well, from the contest posted and the description, I did expect certain elements but hadn't thought about it being entered in three different contests. I was familiar with all of the prompts though as I'd glanced at them before for varying reasons. That helped, plus the information is shared at the end for readers to check out. Granted, I don't think of religion when I think of saving a planet but can see how that can be from another person's viewpoint. The religious element is fairly obvious with the missionary information in the description. While that is not something I prefer to read about, I can look beyond preference when it comes to these stories and I like the different planet element. It is an uncomfortable idea that AI would get lead down this path but also plausible, so the discomfort is a good thing with showing the strength of writing.


Contest/Prompt: You had to hit quite a few. I would say that the ones from Grill a Christian stands out the most. Though it does have a strong enough rebellion that I think also that the music prompt from the listed contest, Rhythms & Writing. I interpreted Lodestar a little more literal, it seems, then the other entries but it's also there. That is a challenge and usually I don't like more than one prompt in a story (at least for my contest) but having the different contest ones in a way that makes sense works quite well. Plus, you got to support all three contests. I should maybe put in my rules it is okay to enter the items in other contests and maybe Quickie can get more entries too. hmmm Anyways, you did well in the use of the prompts from three contests for creating the one story.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, this is well done and easy enough to follow. While I had some minor issues from the personal viewpoint, it's nothing worth making any changes on your end. A brief edit might help, with maybe reading out loud to check on good pause points for commas. Like, I'm not sure on the first sentence because it feels like there should be a comma after my wife then one after Carrie because I was taught it to be done that way. But that also seems it could look weird for the very first sentence. Maybe it could be restructured instead to have a sentence before we bring up the detail of the books. Just an idea.

It isn't where I would have thought with the song and rebellion aspect but it is also one that still makes sense. I hope it does well in the different contests. Nice work and keep writing/supporting WDC contests.



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23
23
Review of SpaceGems  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there PureSciFi Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. I hope that you enjoyed the challenge.

Overall: This is familiar territory for us even thought I don't judge very often. So, I want to add a thank you for consistently entering the official site contests as that is its own challenge depending on the prompt. You do well in finding a way to make the prompt work within your worlds and preferred genres, which is quite a feat at times. Nice work with the use of the character life goal prompt in the search for spacegems in the story. I also liked the idea of the spacegems even though I did get confused, as usual, when reading the story.

Prompt: This prompt was more interesting than I expected. When I first saw it, there was a little concern about the lack of conflict if things are already achieved, but you all did well. There were two main approaches, having it happen early on or a little later in the story to use the goal as conflict. Either works well enough and it is easy to see the prompt within the story. That helps too.

Story: I sort of understand this one, at least a little better than some of the others I've read from you. I did get some of the focus for the main character but at times it was a little hard to tell who was doing what in a paragraph when one would talk and the other would have an action in the same paragraph. Is a source for a little of my confusion but as you know other readers will have different opinions to the structure and how they follow the plot. You are definitely creative and build fascinating worlds that could be expanded beyond the 2k word count limit later.

Other Notes: Thank you for making the font and style easy to read. The bold might be a little much but I can also see how much other readers can appreciate that. It works okay for single stories but might not work if needing to separate points with bold. Not sure why I mention that but it happened, but yeah, it works with the story and the font makes some of the words look very nice, like Zeeon.

I am a little curious as to why you add the title and author after the first couple of paragraphs. Not my preference but if you like having that, it's an interesting choice to add in that place. Most of my tiny issues will be personal preference. The present tense throws me off. I've tried writing it too but usually end up editing the item to third person later if it's going to a novel.

Overall, you do have a good story and the technical side of the writing is well done. Thank you for entering the character contest.




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24
24
Review of Emberhands  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Sumojo Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.

Overall: This is an interesting approach to the discovery/usage of fire by humans. It gives a little creativity into the mix for something vaguely familiar for some readers. It also goes beyond the spark, the big moments, which was required by the contest prompt. An enjoyable read of a small story.

Title: I might be a little biased with the title considering my pen name includes "Embers" lol. The fire discovery is an interesting choice and there might have been other more obvious titles, but this one is so very perfect for what you created.

Prompt: This was quite a good approach to the prompt. I will admit that I was a little uncertain when the prompt was announced because it seemed like there was a chance for things being a little to expected or... okay, I admit that I wasn't sure if a story might end up boring because the point is that they succeed and what happens after that fact. This is definitely not close to boring. And this was a creative way to approach both the prompt with the success of a lifetime but also just this idea of fire.

Story: I liked this story. It was interesting and creative with the approach to the topic. Since the contest was the character focused one, there is also the main character factor. This was good with the main person along with some of the side people involved. The focus on the fire and way things went about along with the use of the term ember makes for a good read. In general it is just a good story that was on my top ten closer to the top for me. We always have a variety of judges with very different opinions.

Other Notes: Nothing much to offer on the technical side for the most part. I do recommend doing a little edit to check for minor details. It looks like a couple paragraphs didn't get the same spacing that was used for most of the story. Helps to keep things consistent. Near the end there are a couple sentences that look a little awkward with comma usage and such, like when Emberhands dies as that one seems important for the story too. The summary at the end is a little different but works well for this particular story.

Nice work. Keep writing!


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25
25
Review of Lily's return  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings LightinMind Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.

Overall: This is a good character focused story that can resonate with different people in how it expresses a struggle when it comes to family and the struggles that can come with those dynamics. It is a good story that is easy enough to read with the font size, formatting and overall clean appearance.

Title: The title is okay in that it really does let the person know a character name, the important one, and also the basic fact of what is happening in the story. However, it's also almost a little simple. I do know the trouble it can be to find a title and after writing so many, trying not to repeat or bring something that sounds too random. This is just my personal reaction to it.

Prompt: The prompt was easy enough to find in the story and a driving factor in what the main character needed to do, which was important considering the contest required the character focus but the prompt indicated the conflict situation to a degree. Even with it being heavy on the dialogue for letting the reader know what is going on, we still get enough details and little things that bring the story to life.

Story: I did like this story. While not the strongest, end of the world conflict, that isn't always needed. This is the type of story and character that different readers will appreciate. It's not easy to write family conflict for some people as it can hit close to home but it's also important to showcase. The analogy elements also made things interesting. You have some really good word and sentence choices here.

Other Notes: You do a decent job with the writing for the technical side but I do recommend an edit for this one. There are just some minor things to adjust. Near the beginning there is an upper case like it is starting another sentence but doesn't follow a punctuation mark.Based on the sentence, it seems like that should be a lower case "for" with that one. Also, I noticed a few places where adding some commas would help with the flow and pauses needed for the reader. Thank you for at least making the font bigger and easier to read. I would also suggest maybe adding the contest prompt and even the name of the contest to the bottom with the word count. It's not needed but does help some people who make it to the end to let them know the inspiration. Something to consider.

Overall, there is nice stuff going on in this story. I'm sure it was near the top on a list or two from a judge even if we all had very different opinions. Good job and keep writing!


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