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Review Requests: ON
1,256 Public Reviews Given
1,497 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings WriterRick Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.

Overall: We do get a nice character focused story where one achievement leads to questions and concerns over where to go next with a little bit of a common ending approach with the sort of meta attempt in bringing the story and title into the piece towards the end. Different people will enjoy the read for the item and some might take a particular interest from the tech element brought in the beginning.

Prompt: You do well with the use of the prompt because we get from the very beginning the character reaching a big goal that they have been working on for a certain period of time. This fits the prompt because it was required to have a main character reach a life long goal and to see what might happen next. Not every story put that aspect at the very beginning, but you did find a way to make the big goal the start and not the main focal point of the story but with the character having to figure things out from there. Nice work with the use of the prompt.

Story: I do really like the approach you took with the prompt usage in this particular piece. The fact she was doing an app that would bring communication possibilities through the speech technology to others is a great idea and something that helps give representation that isn't always available in fiction stories. You make the character believable with her big moment and the struggles that might at times seem mundane cause what really does one do after a big accomplishment. I will admit that it loses steam a little for me as the reader when we get to the end with the whole, moving to writing using the title of this story within it. Having been on WDC for 20 years and having judged official contest rounds for many of those years, it is just something we have seen done a number of times. It might not be something you have seen a lot but yes, it's a little done and not the only entry with that usage this month. Not that it's bad, but that it doesn't pack as strong of a punch compared to some other elements.

So, nice work on character. Not a very top one for me but there were two other judges and trust me, we differ in opinions so that doesn't mean it wasn't near the very top for someone else.


Other Notes: On the technical side you do fairly well. I only have a couple of notes but they are minor details that are nice to have but not something that is required.

Not something that counts against the story but something you might consider is to adjust the font size for the item when entering contests. I'm trying to remember to do it for all of my items, even the private ones because it helps for my own eyes to have the bigger font than the standard when reading the items here online. I recommend to use either 3.5 or 5 to make it easier to others to read.

It would also be nice, along with the word count, to have the prompt at the bottom of the story. You could even link the contest or write the name. This can be put into a dropnote if you want the focus to be on the words of the story. it just helps to provide the information to the reader what might have inspired the story. Not required other than the word count but it does help.

Nice work. Keep writing. *PenBl*


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2
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings 👼intuey Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.

Overall: This one covers a tough topic that some will very much find a connection with due to the nature of what the main character goes through in order to make it to the end. The story does well in the dynamics of conflict and some with the character development since we know they have some rough times. A few people will really appreciate the story and the result of finding that "willpower" to push through to the goal.

Prompt: There have been a couple of approaches taken with the prompt since it had to involve someone reading a lifetime goal and questioned what might come after. Some put the goal more at the beginning while others had that be more of the focal/conflict point of the story. This one does take more of the secondary approach since it takes a long time, often much struggle over many years to achieve this kind of goal. It is no easy task for sure. That puts us seeing more of the struggles and less of the what happens after. This is good in giving conflict and the character building but does go a little on the edge since we wanted to see a little more of what happens after the goal is achieved.

Story: This is quite a bit of story for the small word count of the contest. Granted, the officials at least get 2,000 words but still, often the story is bigger than what can fit in this range. You took on a challenge too with putting the different POV characters involved. Thank you for making it easy to see when we were switching to someone else. It does break up the story a bit but that is for a good reason instead of being at random, which helps. I did get a little lost but that may just be me as a reader and my easily distracted factor. Have to read things a few times to get through and understand everything or at least most of what is involved.

This does feel like it could get much bigger with a larger allowed word count. Perhaps you can expand upon the story and give us more in depth into the particular points of view struggling with this conflict. I would also like to see more from Susan to really get a feel for the problems and see the story through her eyes, plus the others. The end feels a little tacked on with a more told approach to let the readers know about the success in order to reach the particular part of the prompt. Now that can be adjust more since you no longer have the limit of the contest.

Other Notes: it is a challenging story but one that does hold out well for different readers. A few might find it a little difficult while others will really pull from it what was intended. It was a good entry with developed skill in writing. I hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and contest. Maybe we'll see this more developed or it could stay as it exists now. That is all up to you.

Nice work. Keep writing!



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3
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Noisy Wren Author IconMail Icon.

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.

Overall:


Title: The title is straight forward and lets the reader not only know the plot focusing on the dream but also that the character is a writer. That is helpful when entering a character based contest as we can see a focus on that element in story writing, plus the pull for something others here will relate since most of us are also writers. The description also helps let the reader know what to expect.

Prompt: This was an interesting prompt because there is potential for great things but also the risk of maybe having a boring result cause the big goal, that is one according to the prompt. They made it and often the ones who struggle come with better stories that ones who don't. Not that it didn't mean characters didn't struggle but the point was to show the after and not what lead up to the success as much. Well, that depended on the route as some people went having the success more near the end of the story and others closer to the beginning. Either way, it was easy enough to see the prompt used in the story and that is very helpful for the judges.

Story: I will admit that I struggled a little getting into the story. This one just wasn't quite an attention grabber for me, personally, but the other judges probably had a different reaction to the story. I can appreciate where you were going with this and even a little on the meta element of bringing the writing contest into the end but just wasn't as appealing to me. There is just something about the writer story that is harder to pull off, maybe because we all are writers so they have been done so many times over the years. I've been on long enough to read many of them in the different rounds for various contests. Someone else will have a different experience.

Other Notes: You do well when it comes to the technical side of writing. It may have just come down to personal preference in the end because it's not a bad story, for sure. Though there was a part when the writer was lost in thought and someone was getting their attention at the restaurant. Maybe have the text of the person speaking something else, italics just something to show the difference instead of the same as the rest of the paragraph if not using quotation marks for that part. You do that some at the end too, where it's written as dialogue but doesn't use the same aspects to indicate the dialogue. I would rather see the quotations used consistently and if there are thoughts, use italics for those.

I did appreciate that you the bigger font size and you had the space to make it easier to read on the screen. That is something even I need to work on more (the font size) so it's good to see people doing for the contest entries.

Thank you for entering and good luck with future stories.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest that focused on the character for the prompt. Thank you for taking the time to enter the contest.

Overall: Well, I might have been at an advantage with this one compared to the other judges because I've read stories with these characters before. I'm familiar with the private detective situation you have going on since you also wrote stories with them for Musicology Anthology plus posted them in I Write.

This story does stand on its own, which is good since others coming upon just this will be able to appreciate the plot line you have created in this one. It starts with a fun title, kicking off from there to create this strange situation for the characters to face.

Title: The story title works well because it encapsulates the story and draws attention from potential readers. I like the way it sounds and will fit well with other stories that give the same feeling which follow these characters.

Prompt: This prompt was a little bit of a challenge in the way that it could have created a boring story. It all depended on how people showed the characters and what they would put next in line for the character. Sure, it's good when characters achieve a big goal but that is almost more the main conflict most of the time and not the starting point for the story. You made it easy to find the prompt in the story and gave us a direction to go from there when it turned out not to be what the character expected. Nice work.

Story: This is a fun one. I do like adding a little of the supernatural into the mix with some stories. Having the car situation lead them to another case that had an incorrect person taking the blame crated for an exciting plot. This is the type that quite a few readers will enjoy. There is good reason it placed and that isn't an easy feat since there are three very different judges. I know when I enter sometimes I get great reviews for one or two but the third, they get completely confused by my writing. lol. Anyways, this story is well done in a way that it deserved a top spot in the rankings.

Other Notes: Thank you for putting the note at the bottom so that the random reader can see it was written for the contests and also the inspiration of not only the prompt for this contest but the song used for the other challenge. I also appreciate the font size. I'm starting to put my own into size 4 even when they are set to private since it's much easier to read.

Story time: my first truck was back in 2000 when I turned 16 that my dad gave me as it had been his. It was a small black truck but had a funny quirk. Sometimes the radio would act up and couldn't be turned off. My dad said that once he hit the dash to try and get it to work how it should and then the car wouldn't shut off for a while. We would joke that the truck was haunted.

Good story and I hope it also does well in Musicology Anthology. Have fun and keep writing these stories.



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5
5
Review of Retreat Re-Treat  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello THANKFUL SONALI Magical Days! Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the character based prompt.

First Impression: Congratulations on placing third. It is quite an achievement since three very different judges have to rank the entries, so this means we had you in the top grouping from each one. Nice work! This story has some interesting elements and flows well, which makes for a good read. I feel that a variety of readers will enjoy this particular piece. It also comes with a good lesson at the end, which helped the story in the competition, possibly.

Prompt: While I wasn't sure what would come from the prompt, a little concern about boringness after achieving a life goal cause well, what comes next? You took a good approach that worked well in your favor. It was easy to see the use of the prompt. While I had expected more of the success being near the beginning of the story instead of closer to the end, but that isn't a hinderance or anything against the approach taken here to the prompt. Also, thank you for adding the information at the end of the story so people know the inspiration.

Story Thoughts: I did like this story even though I wasn't sure, at first, where it was going to go. However, that may be in part by design as we need Grandpa to tell the main character the situation for the big achievement. It is a little fun, this revenge story and everything made sense. It was quite believable for the conflict and the characters. Everything worked well and connected in a well told story.

Final Comments: Good job. There really isn't too much else I can say without getting overly repetitive. It was a good story, which is why it did well in the contest. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt. Keep writing!


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for entry "~ Enduring Peace ~" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there ruwth Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today because I wanted to return the review, so I posted in the forum for "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] after you. These are just my random thoughts and thank you for sharing your thoughts on such a topic.

Initial Reaction: This is a personal post taking on a big subject: world peace that can last.


Contest/Prompt: I will admit that I don't know the contest very well since it's not in my beliefs and wheelhouse. I have seen it once before but did go look at it to have a basis for considering what to say about this part of my review. It is definitely nice that the host gives a topic but is flexible over the type of item that can be entered in response. I could never enter but can appreciate what it does offer since it's good to have a variety of options available on the site to write and put forth beliefs or opinions.

You do well in answering the question. This is shown much like one often does in a good introduction to an essay. You started with the question so we knew what you were answering. That helps and you do well in putting forth the words within the Christian viewpoint. You give the verses, I hope that is what they are called. My apologies if I get anything wrong as I'm not religious so forget the details at times and lately my mind has been struggling to pull out the right words.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: One thing I actually appreciated is how you put the answers and sentence layout without trying to do really long paragraphs. The question about peace could have that effect of trying to give the miss America pageant answer of world peace but with super long explanations. The space between lines and the structure provided with occasional tabs or indents, that really does help make it easy but also interesting to read.

Good luck with the contest round and thank you for sharing your beliefs. Keep writing! *Penw*



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7
7
for entry "My Own Parade" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there, Angelica Weatherby- July 4th Author Icon

I decided to review your fable entry for the fun contest/challenge " Summer Solstice, 8 day poetry challenge" Open in new Window. [E]. This seemed like a good time to review one of your entries and give my random comments cause it was a fun challenge. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: This was a challenge so congratulations on making it through 8 days of summer celebrating poetry with different forms and prompts. We all had fun but had our moments of struggle whether it was the topic or the form. I like that you kept to the dragonfish since that's your username and it works well with the whole animal character element of the fable. The addition of the other characters like Catfish also made sense in the concept presented. Bigmouth Bass was funny too. I don't know if you meant to hint at the silly singing bass but that is what came to my mind.


Contest/Prompt: This was a really a challenge and you know cause I talked about it being difficult on messenger. It was fun writing the different poems each day too. However, the fable You did well in trying your best to follow the difficult form that was part of today and in creating a storyline where it campaigned for a parade featuring you. Even if we struggles, I say good job!

Form: This form sounds easy since can do anything when it comes to the lines, stanza or any attempts to rhyme. We were even given the opportunity to write more than 20 lines while every round before. That was a nice freedom and you used it to your advantage to put more into the story poem. I do think the addition of last stanza does help since the description in the post mentioned a summary of the point for the last stanza. Could use a little work, maybe a small edit could help more but you are heading in the right direction.

Favorite Part:

Snails cleaned the floor all day long.
Surgeons scavenged the ground for leftovers.
Pan Fish fought over their territories.
Turtles took opportunities whenever possible.

I like these lines because they give a picture of the world dragonfish and the others live. It builds a base for what comes later and we see a full world of creatures living their lives but without celebration at that time. More would come later and we could tell.

Final Thoughts: I like the story poem about Dragonfish and her parade. You create quite a visual and as you mentioned, the imagery you create really does help when it comes to the poem in a competition or challenge setting. I am sure the judge/owner of the challenge did enjoy what you created for the last day with the fable.

I would suggest to maybe read the lines out loud and see how they sound. Consider each stanza to see if the words give the impression you want along with telling the story. Some of the lines, in my head, are a little jolty or don't quite flow as well as others, but that might just be in my voice. Maybe also look at the very last line. Since it is where things end, I get the idea behind saying where the parade ends but something about the line isn't as strong. Just something to think about.

On the other hand, you might consider viewing this more as a children's story than a fable poem. It could be fun with only minor tweaks and some pictures added to make this into a picture book.


Good job! It was quite a challenge and I enjoyed reading your poem.



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8
8
Review of Music Notes  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author Icon!

I am reviewing your blog post/entry for Bard's Hall June challenge and get to see another side of your connection to the band Imagine Dragons. Thank you for sharing the information about yourself and the band/music.

Initial Reaction: Since this is a personal blog post and story, the standards are a little different. Still, I would say that this is something that different people might appreciate reading. And as I said just above, thank you for sharing. You give us a personal story, information about you and details about a song/band you really connect with in general. I learned some things that I didn't know on a few different subjects with this blog entry.

Contest/Prompt: While this isn't a contest round that I've entered since I'm very behind in my blog. I should have tried and done some health updates but I did not this month. It is a fun contest since they do different types of rounds and I'm glad you were able to enter the blog round. There aren't any specific prompts other than doing a blog post and having it connect to the contest, which you have done. And you chose well with something so personal but also informational for the different people who might read this entry.

Other Thoughts and Final Notes: I do like this entry as it already has been stated. While I do know the band, this is one song that I did not remember every hearing. Had to give it a listen and it's interesting how some people can get the different interpretations from the song. Just the mention of the depression medication gave me that connection to fighting an inner demon within the first part of the lyrics. So, thank you for introducing me to this particular song. I also liked having a personal blog post even though I have been enjoying the detective character stories for other ID songs.

Can also find personal connections to having a job you once liked then having a shift to where it sucks your energy and makes things difficult. It is also interesting to see how other people had to go through Covid trials. Since I had to work the whole time being in pharmacy, I didn't have the same experience as others that had to stay home. I know everyone had challenges and it was a difficult time then returning there is that noticeable change from people that didn't handle things as well. Or corporate just continuing to ruin things... Anyways, I am glad you were able to find your way back to the music and writing.

Nice work with the blog entry and keep writing!


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9
9
Review of I Wait  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Howdy Peyton Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your poem as I found it in a section for newbies. As someone who has been on here a long time, I wanted to offer some thoughts and appreciated the chance to check out what you have posted. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.

Initial Thoughts: This was a good start and something that many different readers will be able to connect with or find something they can relate to in the words. It has a good message/point to be made and something that could be discussed on varying levels. I really appreciated what you have here.

General Content/Idea: This is the strongest part for me, the idea and content. While a little adjusting or some options for a few choices could be considered, the idea behind everything is strong. It also can be quite personal, which would help create the connection with many different readers.

It is a good question to ask itself. Why do we wait? Often times people are told patience is a virtue and good things come to those who wait. This can make sense but not all of the time. There are certain things that we might wait too long and end up missing joy in our lives because of that fact.

Take clothing for example. Being a little on the round side, I grew up with the idea that I had to wait until I lost weight before wearing certain things. However, when I did lose weight, I found that my general shape didn't change even if the measurements were smaller. So, even though I made a lot of effort, it didn't match the desired aesthetic. So, I was waiting to wear an outfit or swim suits only to have to wait more if I wanted it to look a certain way instead of just enjoying myself. Clothing and many activities waited on a size or health factor can lead to people missing out on things.

Another aspect this is true is found in different arts and even when you want to start, there is that question as to how and where to start. Not everyone will want to do drag, but it's my current example. Anyone can start at any age, but where do you start? Do you start with makeup? What about outfits? Where will you perform? It's too much that it can almost be block against people starting. Other art forms are the same. Some cost more money while others like our own venue, writing, can be done without buying things. There questions are like: Do you start writing a novel? Where do you start? What about world building?

It's like me trying to pick out where to go out to eat for dinner when the options are anything. With 20+ options I then become impossible to pick. Too many questions can make us not act. Too many things to do can overwhelm and we just stay in once place.

Any Other Notes: I just have a few ideas or suggestions that you could consider. Not that anything was wrong but I also, from my reading standpoint think it could be developed more which also influenced the rating but I'm a tough one with the system and rarely ever give a 5. Most of my writing is a 3-4.5 in my mind, if that helps understand where I get my decisions.

The title is decent and makes sense with the story. I also think another option would be "Why Wait." I know I waited repeats but the question pulls at the strings of the topic and point overall.

I struggled just a little over the second to the last line. "I chip myself down into a single idea." I get the visual of the 3d artist creating a sculptor out of stone but also my mind feels confused at the same time, trying to figure out how it works in the same elements of the rest of the poem. It just doesn't quite connect as strong as it could so maybe, later if you do a little editing or rewrite of this particular piece, you could look at that line to consider other options.

Overall, nice work. Also, welcome to the site. I hope you enjoy your time and keep writing. As someone who has had a health issue create these thoughts too, I appreciate what you have created. And I hope you don't wait too long before writing more. *Smile*


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10
10
Review of Of Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dear No Sox with Sandals Author Icon

Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry that I didn't review your entry after September. The treatments and dealing with disability etc for the cancer situation made things difficult. At one point I thought that I caught up but was wrong. So, my apologies for this very late review.

First Impression: Wow, you manage to say so much with so few words. I struggled back when we only had 669 words for this contest so can't imagine writing a story under 200 words. Micro fiction and it makes sense. I will admit that I'm not a fan of vampires but can understand that others find it appealing. You could probably do well entering the paranormal romance contest if it's still running or maybe entering the House of Sensual Prose class for paranormal romance writing.

Prompt: This round had an open prompt and allowed old or new stories so it basically works. We get a little relationship, a hint of the sensual and the promise for more.

Characters/Story: While I don't like vampires, I can say that the micro fiction is fairly well done in this instance. As a novelist, I'm always going to want more but this is quite good within so few words. I was a little uncertain about the whole, maybe she's dreaming about someone else but then maybe it is her boyfriend but it's not a problem. Just something I notice.

Other Notes: Overall, good work. The only thing I would really maybe consider is changing one line just a little.

Her boyfriend lay on his side beside her staring, "Good dream? Me I hope?"

This small paragraph comes off a little awkward and maybe rewriting would help. The first part would maybe need a comma before staring. Or add a little detail to give the reader more of a visual if you don't mind making things longer. I also just struggle over "Me I hope" as that might need a comma too or something. It just doesn't look right and my head keeps trying to figure out ways to get it to sound in a way that makes more sense to me. Not sure if others will agree.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie Contest many months ago. Keep Writing!/b}


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


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11
11
Review of I Bet My Life  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there, Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+], which is no surprise to you since you posted before and after me. I'm happy to read another entry in the music challenge with your detective characters.

Initial Reaction: Another story in a group based on Imagine Dragon songs that follow a particular set of detectives that are in the private sector. This one goes back more to the beginning but also travels far in the main characters life as he goes from graduation, struggles and having his own life/family. It's a good read and really showcased the main character, brining out his voice. Others will enjoy the read when they get the chance.

Contest/Prompt: I like this song and could hear some of the words in my head just knowing that was the prompt for this story. I think you did well using the song for inspiration and others will be able to easily see the Imagine Dragons song in this particular story. Another song that I think would also relate is Second Chance by Shinedown.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I like your approach and this story. For the most part, it is well written. I would say the only struggle might have come in the beginning with the dialogue going on with the parents. I was able to follow it for the most part but I wasn't quite sure a time or two who was speaking. Like the dialogue right before Dan decides to move out. I suppose it could be the father since that is who he was glaring at and seems in character but I'm not 100% sure. The conversation with the child was a very soft and touching moment that I'm glad was added. While my characters don't often have small children, I do like writing scenes with them and what they might say is so fun.

Good job with the story. I like this one and got to know more about Dan. I'm not sure where things fit, if you're doing linear or just random. My guess from the two stories that it's random, which is okay. Just a curious note of thoughts from me since I'm also entering the same contest.

Good luck and keep writing! It's a tough challenge writing so many stories but we can do it.


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12
12
for entry "Yoga" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Angelica Weatherby- July 4th Author Icon

I saw the poem and wanted to get you a note before today's round ends but also put it in review form. I hope it helps.


Initial Thoughts: I like some of the lines and can get the connection to Yoga with the choices you made. It has a good start but minor issue due to how specific and restrictive the pantoum form is. You missed a little something and I'll get to that in the form spot.

Contest/Prompt: You entered on time and follow the prompt about writing the poem for Yoga that is less than 20 lines. It works for the prompt.

Form: Here is where you have a minor detail and I wanted to send this comment. A pantoum is very specific and that's what makes today very hard. It's not just a rhyme scheme but you have to repeat lines. So your second/last stanza should allow this:
Line 2 of previous stanza
Line 3 of first stanza
Line 4 of previous stanza
Line 1 of first stanza

That would look like this:
Sit beautifully still.
Relax and see Bently
I stood firm and took a pill.
Breathe gently

My thoughts are that it would help to have three stanzas. Either add one at the end or in the middle. And check the form to see which lines are supposed to repeat and where. You are close but the form needs a little work.

Final Thoughts: I like where you are going with the poem so I hope you can get it a little fixed to follow the form for today because it's on the way. Does look nice and I think has good potential.



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13
13
for entry "A story of Strength" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Humming Bird Author Icon.

I am reviewing your blog entry today as part of "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] since I posted in the forum after you. It's fun to not only review different authors but contests and item types with this challenge. Hope you are enjoying the fun of getting all this writing done over the long time frame.

Initial Reaction: It's a sort of poetic or prose type of blog entry with the word choices and even a little in the structure that is small paragraphs that could almost be viewed as four stanzas. I'd call it a prose blog post if putting on a label. I wasn't sure if maybe this was the first post even though the challenge started at the beginning of the month since one can technically post any time as long as you get enough entries done and link the contest in the posts. I did have a little trouble with finding an inspiration for the posts and that made it a little more difficult to understand because I am not sure of the reason behind the writing.


Contest/Prompt: Thank you for posting the contest. I'm familiar with The Bard's Hall and they do a variety of prompts that allow for different items. Since I have it saved, I did know that it was a blog challenge and your note for the people running the contest also lets random readers understand the link of posting for a contest challenge.

The difficult part but also maybe the most freeing with this particular contest and round is that there isn't really a prompt. This gives freedom for people to write whatever they want that fits in their blog already or to do something different. I tend to write about stories I'm working on but the last year, my own blog had been a source for talking about health issues too. So, there are many options. However, I would like to know some inspiration.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: It's nice work overall and I do like the prose style along with the way things are worded. It has a feel and each stanza/paragraph has a point on its own. The hard part if finding how things connect, which would have maybe been helped with a little note even if it's at the bottom or hidden in a dropnote, to know some aspect that inspired this particular post. I just wanted the little bit of details or a little more information. But it's still a good blog post.

Nice work and good luck with the challenge of that contest and blogging. Keep writing. *PenB*



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14
14
Review of A-OK  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author Icon.

I get to review your story today as part of "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] since I posted in the forum after you and we both are going to post often since we are entering the same contest that requires multiple stories dependent on a music album. Thank you for sharing your writing and entering the very fun but challenging contest.

Initial Reaction: Nice! I get to review one of your stories connected to Imagine Dragons. I know you have several things by now connected to the band but it's fun to see something I am familiar with since I listen to the band as well. At first, I wasn't certain where things would go with the private detectives and the relation to the song but that's because I hadn't heard that one in a while. But reading through things solved that.

Contest/Prompt: I am obviously a fan of the contest since I enter every year even though I am not always successful. It's fun to see the different music choices. Of course, there isn't surprise in what you would pick but they do have some great songs, so it is understandable. And the story did have a good connection to the lyrics of this one. I am not sure that the song title is the best one for the story but I know it had to be that way for the challenge. Maybe something else from the song could be the title after judging is over.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I like what you did hear with this one. It might feel just a touch slow in the beginning as we have to get involved in the situation but I don't think that will hinder other readers from enjoying the story. I like what you have here. It does well connecting with the song prompt and creating a story of its own that would stand out even without the connection. Well done. Keep writing!



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15
15
Review of Too Much Blue  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Jeff729 Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I decided to review your story since you posted in the Newbie forum. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.

Title:
I actually like the title a fair amount. Can guess the connection to the story with the blue. Normally I wouldn't put the information about the story from the description section or the title in the main item, but this might be an exception. It's quite fun.

Initial Reaction:
I didn't quite know what to expect with the title and description but you had me at cake. This story has some interesting characters along with the different setup with a unique view to our own planet. So much water and not enough to drink. *Wink*

I do believe other readers will enjoy reading this story. Could use a little editing work but that is totally understandable and why we get feedback or reviews.

Setting:
While I don't often comment on the setting, since you took the different approach of looking from above towards planet earth. The fun facts are just that too, fun. We don't get many details but we do get enough. I like the add on about the Beatles and the pet dog one too. Though the expected future was on the dim side but also understandable. One thing that might help would be to bring in a few more details to really paint a picture for the reader to see some of the elements a little better. Like the uncomfortable chair. What does that look like? Are there a couple of places where you add a couple of other senses such as what something might smell like or maybe a little more sound that dialogue. Will develop the story more and provide aspects that help show the reader more.

Characters/Story:
I like the characters you have here and the use of quick dialogue to keep things going. It does speed up the reading a little because that many short paragraphs is quick to read. This isn't bad but if you wanted to play around with the flow of the story, one thing you could do it throw in just a couple long paragraphs. You don't need many but it might break up the speed and get the reader to slow down a little. Just something to consider. I also like the characters and want even more details about them, to really see them more. This is a great starting point and you can work harder from there.

Final Thoughts:
Nice work. While it need a little rewrite and edit, there is definitely something here. I mention edit because there are just some minor details and typos that have easy fixes. Like in the Fun Facts section because number 2 have an \ in front of it when it shouldn't. Consider what is thought and what isn't since you are doing the italics, which is a good way to go about thoughts in a story. Just something you have to make sure is consistent when going that route. Have fun with the story and develop things. It will be great some day, I can feel that.

I also like the ending quite a bit as well. It was great with the addition of unicorns and maybe dragons. As a fantasy write and reader, you have me on board there.

Nice work with the start of this story and I hope that you keep working on it. Or write another story cause it's good to take breaks before going back into things. Keep it up and I hope to see some more of your stories on the site. *Smile*



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16
16
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Sumojo Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today as part of the challenge, "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] since I posted after you in the forum. Thank you for sharing your writing and entering contests on the site. I know the judges and/or contest owners probably appreciate it too.

Initial Reaction: The title really caught my attention from the start as I do know some people who are dealing with family trauma that would find a story with that detail relatable but may also be difficult for some to read as a trigger issue. That is why there are some types of romance books that authors put "trigger warnings" in case someone might not handle the topics well. Yet sometimes facing it can be helpful.

I had a little trouble at first but did appreciate that you used the characters names at the very beginning since there are no tags or actions in the beginning with the first section of dialogue. I was able to move on and keep ready to appreciate the story you created.


Contest/Prompt: I am vaguely familiar with the contest though I haven't attempted to enter any of the rounds. It is a challenge to write a story that has enough show and not so much on the telling side of things with dialogue, the senses and other details that bring a story to life. Kudos on taking the challenge with this particular contest.

You have some good sections in the story that definitely give a show element but it could use a little more. I know it's hard to do the details and find a way to show things but I would like to know a little more about the characters, what they look like or how maybe something they wear shows elements of personality. Things get better near the end of the story when we get to see the details of the house as they face the trauma's of their childhood days there along with the surprising details of what they find among the mess. Dialogue is a good way to sort of show with how they talk about things but some extra details along the way and maybe the use of a sense or two (how something smells maybe) more often in the story would develop things a little more. That will push the show details up one more notch, at least from my reading standpoint. Maybe others will find it show enough, that is up to them to decide as readers.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, I was able to appreciate the story even though I don't have much in the way of family trauma thanks to having amazing parents and grandparents. I know that I'm lucky as some of my friends have gone through difficult times and they would understand the story on a deeper level of connection.

Now for some minute details that you could consider in an edit. In the beginning dialogue, the word "carer" throws me off even though I've known people who have had that job, including my mom for a short while, and I'm allowed someone to help me due to my medical issues. The way it is put makes my brain try to change it to different words that have those letters. So, it's not necessarily wrong but perhaps something like care giver will have a better read appearance. You also missed a quotation mark near the end of the first dialogue section.

A little edit will help the story overall. Here are a couple of examples later in the story where there is a typo or the sentence is a little confusing:

“I thought you’d got in top of that.”

“You make it sounds so easy. It’s a matter of learning to control it. I’ve spent years and a fortune on therapy. Sure I’m doing better, but I’m not I’m up to clearing Mum’s house.”

It also might help to post the word count at the end of the story item at the very bottom instead of the top. Again this isn't something that is wrong just a preference some have. As a contest owner and judge, I prefer the word count at the bottom because I want the story to stand first and be the focus. Something to consider but if you prefer it on top, that is okay too. As long as it is there for the contest to know you followed the rules, that is always important.

It is a good story overall and something that I think others can appreciate. Sure, there are some minor details and it could use a little edit but that's okay. I know I enter first draft stuff often since I procrastinate on contests so it happens. If you decide to develop things further, all the better. But still, good job.


Keep writing! *PenG*


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17
17
Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
for entry "The Vacation" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there, Angelica Weatherby- July 4th Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today.

Initial Reaction: It is kind of fun when get to play around a little with fan fiction and combining characters from different movies/worlds. Can make for some cute stories. While I don't write it much, I have appreciated the type of stories over the years from others, including young clients. And thanks to some clients I have seen one movie and the beginning of the other. The only issues I really had is that the story is rushed in the small frame that made some of it come out more as something told instead of shown. It could be developed further into a bigger story.

Contest/Prompt: I am not as familiar with the contest, so made sure to check out the link you provided. Thank you for the information and everything because even though I am familiar with Zootopia, not sure I would have understood the prompt without being given the information at the end.

Since the requirement was to use characters from specific stories, I did a little research so have a question. Isn't the bunny from Zootopia named Judy Hopps? The point of the name was how a bunny often hops. You have it as Judy Hoops. So, close but need to fix that middle letter.

General Notes and Final Thoughts: Overall, this is a good idea. Even non-animal police stories have a vacation element when they follow a dynamic duo. Rush Hour franchise also used such, so it would make sense for the Zootopia duo to maybe go on a vacation but have something come up that puts them to work. However, when it comes to something so crazy as a bank robbery, the reader is going to want to see more of the action. We get told they go and handle things, which is a good start but it will be even better if developed more to show what happens. However, I get how that can be challenging if you don't want to write a 3,000 word story instead of one that is under 400 words. I would also like to see a little more physical detail written out to show elements of the story, the world and the characters. That will help readers who might not be familiar with the characters be able to see the image of the words more.

Good luck with the Anthro Activity contest. *FingersCrossed*


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18
18
Review of OC-Done  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings No Sox with Sandals Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today in connection with "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+] as part of the challenge since I did post after you in the forum. Thank you for sharing your writing and entering contests on the site.


Initial Reaction: An interesting story where I didn't quite get the prompt at first but once I saw the details at the bottom it all did make sense. For some reason, I skimmed the title but once I knew more, going back to read things over was even better. I really appreciated the character that was presented and how they went through struggles from something that others would find so mundane that it would seem strange to stress or panic. I found the main character very relatable and didn't even mind the first person POV that usually isn't my favorite. Nice work here.


Contest/Prompt: Now, here is where I am a little uncertain because I do know some about the contest. I haven't really entered it but I've kept an eye on it since like to promote contests in newsletters. While the story does well in the characterization, I'm not 100 percent sure on the shown compared to told aspect. So, I'm hoping it works well with the contest. Also, thank you for sharing the information at the bottom of the item. I could tell which of the prompts you uses but also kind of appreciated that you shared the options instead of just the one you picked. It's not commonly done to share more than just the prompt used and I liked seeing that added.

Good luck with the contest.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, you did a good job with this very short story. The contest allows more but sometimes you don't need to go to the top of the allowed range. You did quite a bit in under 1,000 words that other readers will appreciate.

One thing that I would recommend is to put the font one size bigger. I can read the story at the current size but do know there are some on the site that struggle with the standard size the site uses for any item. I've started using 3.5 for most of my writing when I remember but do sometimes forget too and have to fix things later. It helps for those with screen issues, aging that affects how they read on a computer and anyone who might check out your item on a cell phone. Just a general suggestion but nothing major and it shouldn't affect the contest results I would imagine.

Nice work with the story. Great job with the characterization and believability in showcasing that kind of scenario. Keep writing!



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19
19
Review of Angel Feathers  Open in new Window.
for entry "My Faith Journey" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings. Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+]. Thank you for sharing the writing with us and the contest/challenge entered.

Initial Reaction: Very nice work. While I tend to be a little hesitant when it's going to be something religious, which was plausible from the start considering what it was written for, this was something very relatable. The poetic form worked well with the questioning voice, topic and personal nature behind what you created.

Contest/Prompt: Thank you for adding the prompt at the end along with a link for the contest. While I know many of the contests on the site, there are some that I am not very familiar with since it's not among my own writing topics. Having access to that helps in regards to the writing challenge we are facing. I'm sure that your entry will be greatly appreciated by those also writing about faith and reading the entries over at Share Your Faith.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I could relate very much to the doubt and questions presented within this piece.

The only thing I noticed on the technical side is that it seemed sometimes there was a capital letter at the start of a line that was in the middle of a sentence and other times there was a lower case. I don't mind sentence poems and steam of thought ones not having every single line start with a capital letter since that follows sentence structure. I just prefer it be consistent, one way or the other. But it's very minor detail.

I know many try to write faith based to support a belief but one can use this type of almost free though approach to understand doubt. With how things are in the world, it's very understandable to question these things too. So many try to use a religious belief as a reason for something even when it causes others harm, which is something I don't appreciate either. The whole idea of one person knowing who or what is the right belief is also difficult for me at times. We can work on being good as humans and keep searching for the path. That is what I like about what message you give even among the doubt is also an openness and willing to breathe and word through life.


Nice work and keep writing! *PenG*


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20
20
Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
for entry "Chilling with Time" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Angelica Weatherby- July 4th Author Icon

I get to review your poem in connection with "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing and good luck making it to the end of the contest. You always do well. I know you will make it all the way to the end and beyond.


Initial Thoughts: This is a great stream of consciousness style poem. It takes personal events, thoughts and includes elements that other members of the site may relate to personally. There is a chance that it helped me in particular that I already knew you to some degree since we chat on a regular basis. Still, this will have some peeks from other readers on the site as well where it was entered in contests.

Contest/Prompt: It is nice that you were able to create something with the purpose of entering it in places and helping the contests and activities get support. Helped that the contest listed at the bottom had the open prompt giving you the freedom to create this style of poem.

Technique or Form: With poetry on here, having the space between every single line isn't as common because it might be harder for the reader to understand when to breathe/pause while reading. Most of the time, I would say that having the lines presented that way is a disadvantage, but this is one instance where the method works. It made sense and gave a certain style or appearance for the reader to appreciate too.

Final Thoughts: While I tend to stay away from getting very personal with my writing, including with poetry. However, I can definitely appreciate the approach in creating this poem with those very elements. It made me feel like I was almost reader your thoughts and inside my head to the point that I could hear the voice lines in my head. Good job.


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21
21
Review of Angel Feathers  Open in new Window.
for entry "Earth is Home" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author Icon

I get to review your item in connection with "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Impression: This is a cute poem showcasing aspects of nature with an important message. I like how each stanza focuses on a particular element or purpose and feel like others will enjoy reading the haiku poem too.

Contest/Prompt: While I don't often like the usage of colorful font in a contest entry, there are some definite exceptions to that and this contest in particular helps give reason. Scanning over the contest page to check it out, I can see how they might appreciate the choice made for each stanza. The topic works considering the prompt is to create a nature poem that uses the haiku form while making it with children as the audience in mind.


Form: This is a specific form that requires syllable counting and nature is a very common topic for them. I glanced over the poem considering the syllables but didn't go in deep to check every single line. It looks like it fits the requirements from the contest. You also kept the chain below the limit for the stanza count, which shows not only following form but also the rules from the contest.


Final Notes: Overall, this is well done in a way that fits the contest so I don't have many suggestions. I really only have one thing for you to consider if you dapple in poem editing or rewrites.

The punctuation is one example that you could consider adjusting or at least, I have some thoughts that may or may not work for you. I can see why you might want to use punctuation as the commas are very helpful and it would look weird to only have the commas and nothing else. I do think some poems work well without punctuation. However, I'm torn with this one since the commas give the necessary pause but putting a period at the end of each stanza doesn't feel accurate. The very last line, for example, could be three sentences though it might feel like words are missing but they can't be added due to the syllable word count. I just feel like there needs to be a pause in some way due to the word choices made for the last two lines of the poem. Then there is the middle stanza about the caterpillar that doesn't have the punctuation because the topic continues to the next stanza. It's a consistency that I tend to prefer that I'm not getting in this particular approach.

Others might have different opinions or not even notice this punctuation element. I hope you do well in the contest. Good luck!


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22
22
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings. 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+]. Thank you for sharing your writing, entering contests and I hope that you enjoy the different challenge this year.

Initial Reaction: It's a good start to a story though there are some parts where I want to be shown more, which would make the story even longer. We get to see a little into this cute situation that Bronwyn finds herself in with a writing class and as writer's that is a relatable story in some ways even if we haven't experienced romance during that time.


Contest/Prompt: Fun choice. This is a contest that I really wanted to enter and had a story started but a rough month made that not plausible this time around. The friendship prompt seemed to be the popular choice from the couple that I had seen entered in the forum. Nice to see someone took a stab at the romance side instead. I was going to do a little of both for mine. Oh well. You did a decent job with how you showcased the prompt.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, you did well with the story. There are a few things that you could consider from my opinion on writing elements but whether you do any adjustments with story, that will be up to you.

When you get to the editing phase, if you decide to edit this one in the future after the judging ends and all, I would suggest considering how the commas are or are not used. For example: I feel like the first sentence doesn't need the comma before the and. It felt unnatural of a breathing/pause second for me. However, it seems like there should be a comma after the first word in sentence three. Just how things sound in my mind, at least.

Most of the story is short paragraphs. We get a few ones that are on the longer side as seen on the WDC computer screen page but many of them end up looking short, which makes the pacing feel off to me. Short is supposed to make it feel faster but I am not sure that is how I see the speed, just that it feels not quite in the right method.

Also, the beginning has an area where she/you tell us about stuff that happened before. I am aware that the contests have short word count limits, including the I Write Challenge. You probably couldn't put everything in detail format but I will also admit that I wanted to see more of that part. I wanted to experience the sort of meet cute aspect. I hope you go back and write the scene at the cafe. I bet it would be fun.

Either way, you have done well and shared with on WDC. Thank you and nice work. Keep writing.



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23
23
Review of Another Tuesday  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello ♥HOOves♥ Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2025" Open in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: I like the approach this poem takes in creating a memory. It is relatable in a way that many others will find ways to appreciate on their own, personal levels. It isn't very long but gets right to the point with what needs to be said without going over the top but still providing a little imagery with words chosen. It is well done.

Contest/Prompt: One has to assume that there wasn't a particular prompt since one isn't mentioned at the bottom of the poem but we do get the contest, which helps those that are familiar with the prompt. Others will just have to check it out to figure out the details. Could mention the open nature of the contest but not a requirement, just something to consider.

Other Notes and Final Thoughts: Overall, I think this was a good job at a poem. It gave layers even in just the three stanzas and is a personal thought inducing topic. It is a tough contest when a fair number of people enter but I hope it does well. Good luck!

Keep writing.


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24
24
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Prof Moriarty Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre prompt.

First Impression: This is a dynamic fantasy story that used a genre prompt to create a struggling world with the reliance on a particular character and an interesting approach in order to bring resolution for the group. It has a nice level of world building and does show some elements of character done in a limited word count frame. Even though I was a little confused the first time I read through the story, it was quite an interesting story.

Prompt: The nice and difficult part of this contest is the only prompt requirement is the genre, which gives a lot of freedom for creating a story. As a judge, we never know what to expect beyond some element to fit in the given genre. This story takes a less than expected approach, which is fine and even appreciated, and had elements easy enough to give the nod to the genre prompt.

Story and Technical Thoughts: For the most part, things are well done with this story. It isn't easy putting in this big of a story in less than 2,000 words. It also isn't easy showcasing the world and having such a conflict in a way that isn't over explained but also doesn't feel random do to the length limitations.

For me, I had a distraction near the beginning with the baby crying. I've heard plenty of babies cry as I often helped with my little cousins and the "wooah" doesn't read to me as a crying sound. I'm not sure what would be better other than maybe an over used "waaah" or something similar. Woah just reads to me in a different tone and as a word instead of a sound from a child that doesn't have words yet. Just something I noticed but it might not even catch the attention of other readers.

Final Comments: Overall, I did appreciate the story as it was both interesting and different than what I might have expected. I hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and creating this item.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello PureSciFi Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre prompt.

First Impression: One thing this does really well is to drop the reader right into the action. There isn't a lot of description or set up, telling the reader about things before any action happens. Instead, the story gets going right away with the battle as the Blade Warriors attack. That can be a good thing but it does have some drawbacks. I had a hard time following the story because it's got the potential to be a big story but the contest only allows 2,000 words. As the reader, I was left with too many unanswered questions and not enough information about the main characters to connect with the story. It's a good starting point but needs more room to grow and play.

Prompt: *Check* This was an easy prompt. Write a short story in the fantasy genre. You have that here with the warriors and different world. No one would doubt the qualification of this item for the contest that month.

Story Thoughts: I feel like I've said this before but it's just a fact and maybe nothing either of us can do anything about but I'm not quite the reader for this, at least not as a short story. However, I hope you are a novel writer (which is what I actually write as I struggle with these small word count limits). Because you do quite well in creating these big stories and getting a start to the characters but it always feels held back by the word count limit. Have to jump around in different sections, missing some details in order to make everything fit. You do manage to cram a lot into this story but it also feels like things are still missing, which might be linked to jumping around element too.

So, it's a good start. A spark of inspiration for a story but with so much potential to grow into a fantastical, epic story.

Final Comments: Overall, it's a good starting point and I'm sure there are other readers who will have an easier time reading/connecting with the story. On a side note, thank you for making the font easy to read. That did help. On the general technical side, you often do quite well, so that is another plus.

Nice work. Keep writing!


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