Dawn Embers's (elfmage7) Reviews

Public Reviews

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14 days may be credited.

#4767303

Review of Embrace AI as Your Assistant  

Review by Dawn Embers

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (3.5)

Given:   Aug 2, 2024 at 1:36am

Length:   5,432 Characters | 5,388 w/o WritingML

Greetings WriterRick I am reviewing your item for fun today. It's something that caught my eye and a relevant topic at this time. After reading over the content of the sort of essay, I wanted to share some thoughts that came to mind. I hope that you don't mind me sharing my opinion on topic along with some suggestions on how this could be developed further or designed to read better on the site. Initial Reaction: This is a topic that I'm just starting to learn more about and have a feeling that it's going to be a sensitive topic on the site. I never thought much at first about AI. I had a mechanic ask me, after mentioning working on a writing site, about the use of AI but I didn't have a lot of information to offer at the time. Still not going to be my route but it is good to be open about the discussion for the use of AI within the online community. Might help to add a little information in the spot to describe the item because even though it is listed as an article it's a little unclear if you're trying to write an essay or the exact type of writing. Is it an opinion piece or an informative essay? Something more might help so people know the approach being taken with the item overall. General Content: Based on the title, I approach the overall topic as how the existence of AI can be used on the side as an aide. I can see in some places how usage could give help but also feel that one could use it as a crutch. For me, it's not something that should take over the natural writing and creative process for most of the things we do here on the site. At least, I don't see a good reason to use it for story creation and poetry because the writing is a major part of what I enjoy and why I put in the effort. However, if I wanted to summarize a book or something or maybe have a paragraph for a post, it could come in handy to have a form of assistance. Most of the focus as an assistant from the essay did seem a little more business or email related and not on development of creative writing. Like talking as an actual assistant, that is something I could consider more. If I could get AI to handle all of this doctor's stuff, appointments and paperwork, that would be far more helpful than anything else for me. As for work, since I help in person with individuals with behavior disorders, it's not something I will use often at this point on a professional level but there are other fields that probably could be helped by AI assistance. Technical Side and Aesthetics: As far as the technical part of this article... this is where I had a more difficult time. This is just my opinion but I would say that this comes off generic and needs development. I feel what is done so far might work as a starting point for an essay or article but it could use some development. The paragraphs have such a similar length and some have similar content that you could consider cutting a few out and inside focus some energy and developing the points more. Even the first paragraph just needs something to give it oomph and interest. It does well in giving the thesis but the first sentence is a little too general and could use more to draw in the reader. Talking about sci-fi is a good idea but that is a vast field and not all of it favors certain types of technology. Picking something more specific would help set a better tone about how this is meant as a positive view on the development of AI. For example, if I wanted to talk about usefulness of robots, I wouldn't want to just say robots in general. It would be better to reference helpful robots people like such as maybe the one on the Jetsons or in Wall-E who gets the people out of the floaty chair. Don't want to give someone the chance to think of the Terminator one or whatever robot was in that Will Smith movie that I don't remember very well. Cleaning robots helpful, attack robots.. not so much. Even with appearance, you could do a little work to make the writing stand out better on the site. If you are going to have the different subtitles or headers, it would help to use writingml. Something like making those parts bold and/or underlined could help if you bulk up the paragraphs some more and provide more content to really showcase each point. Final Notes and Other Thoughts: As an article, while it does make some good points over the use of assistance to aid in certain aspects online, it needs more work. Some examples would help flesh it out more along with cutting back or combining areas as discussed a little above in the review. These are just some ideas I have after reader it over and is my own opinion. When it comes to AI items on the site, I'm still on the fence. It would help if the item at least had it noted somewhere that AI was involved. I'm not saying that it has to be something big, like in the title or description, but there should be way to let readers know the usage of AI for an item, especially if it's for a contest or something of that nature. Maybe just a little note would help. Like when using a form for poetry, it is good to have a note at the bottom (could be a drop note so it's only visible when checked) to mention those elements. Thank you for sharing and taking the chance to put up something about AI on the site so more people can start at least thinking about the topic, whether they are fans of the idea or not. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4767285

Review of How many sorries?  

Review by Dawn Embers

Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Given:   Aug 1, 2024 at 11:21pm

Length:   3,153 Characters | 3,113 w/o WritingML

Hello Riley My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your poem just for fun. I found it through the random read and after an initial stall, decided to check out the short poem to see what these bold word choices included and how this expression about the government would be showcased. Initial Thoughts: I was a little hesitant at first when this came up for the random review with the title on sorries then the government aspect. I'm glad that I checked out the lines of the poem because it's a well thought out moment about a serious topic that many of us can understand. Some may not but that's part of the ability to speak out or state an opinion. It can be difficult but this is also an important topic. Whenever someone gets mad that people speak against the government or puts forth protest, it is unfortunate because sometimes the overzealous are missing the point. We can be proud in our country but also express discontent. That is one thing that remains and is important in those freedoms discussed, or at least it should remain. Anyways... I can appreciate your thoughts and concerns with these questions. This also reminded me a little of a poem about I think it is the nazis and such. The poem talks about how since they weren't part of the attacked minority of the moment, they didn't speak up since it wasn't about them. However, by the time it became about their identity or group, no one was left to stand in their defense. Governments and churches have a bad history of making apologies many many years after the fact but the question is, what does that really do to solve the problems of the past? Topic: A politic commentary can be difficult to put up because you don't know how people will react to the item. I'm a fairly open minded reader with a background that includes policy debate and communication theory studies, so my approach may be different than other readers. Final Thoughts: Overall, this is well done at tackling a not so easy topic. The only part that stalls me a little, as the reader, is a very minor thing that I can't place why exactly. There is something about the word "sorries" that stalls me in the title and the first line of the poem. Nothing wrong per se. The spelling seems fine and all but just something about that word makes me pause or stumble. Oh and I did have a question I almost forgot. Was this for a contest? I just ask since a few of the words were done in bold, which is a common thing when giving words to use from a prompt. Since they are still bold, I would have liked to sort of know if there was a reason. Doesn't have to be anything big, just maybe a little drop note at the bottom would help that way you can state if there was a contest/prompt or if you decided to do the bold for other reasons. Helps to let us know. You could adjust the font to a bigger size if you wanted to help aide some of the other readers on the site who find the regular font difficult to read. But that one is up to you. Either way, you have a nice poem here and I'm glad that I got the chance to check it out. Keep Writing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4767069

Review of Cupid's Aim  

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Jul 31, 2024 at 11:29pm

Length:   1,731 Characters | 1,660 w/o WritingML

Greetings, . I am reviewing your poem today just for fun. I found it on the random read/review option and something about it caught my attention. I'm not sure if it was the description or a few of the lines that I glanced over in the first viewing but I was drawn to check this out more. Initial Reaction: This is an entertaining poem. Since the top part of the item lists it as a non-contest ode, it made me wonder if this really wasn't for a contest or not. No link or contest information at the bottom, so perhaps that is indeed the case though kinds interesting choice to point that fact out. Favorite Part: Cupid's aim always hits its Mark, ...                    Whew, my name is John. Final Thoughts: Overall, this is a good "ode" to Valentine's that takes an entertaining approach. I like how you took some typical poetic elements with the left side in doing the rhyming whether it was 2 lines or 4 per stanza but also could appreciate the response provided on the right. It's well thought out and made me smile at the end. One suggestion I have that may help other readers is to change the font size. The basic WDC size that gets saved with items is okay but there are a number of people who have trouble reading it. If you adjust the size to 3.5 or 4, it will be much easier on the eyes no matter if someone is checking out the poem on a laptop or even on their phones. This isn't a requirement, just something that can be helpful. I'm working on trying to remember to put all of my items on bigger fonts too and still forget. Nice job with this Ode. I like what you created and the format. Well done. Keep Writing My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4766739

Review of Let's Call it a Birthday Present  

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Jul 30, 2024 at 12:00pm

Length:   2,507 Characters | 2,456 w/o WritingML

Hi there Bikerider . Sorry for the delay in reviewing the item you entered in the weekly quickie contest weeks ago. I'm easily distracted these days but wanted to let you know that I did appreciate the entry in the new attempt at allowing "older" stories. First Impression: It's a good little quickie about a girl getting a surprise on her birthday. She expects the boyfriend but when he doesn't show up, then it's someone else that gives her a fun birthday moment. Prompt: Didn't have a prompt as I let the first attempt be open to any old story that fit the length and general genre requirements of the contest. I did appreciate the fact that you included the note on the bottom of your item which round you entered this one in from the past, including that it had placed. I really should keep track of my stories more and add those notes so I don't forget those details. Characters/Story: The story was well overall with the two female characters. They had enough believability and personality to keep things interesting. While 20 does seem young now that I'm older, it does make for the experimental element. However, the hotel bar part would depend on what country since most of the bars in the US require being of drinking age so she shouldn't be meeting him there unless he was at least 21 and even then, does bring up a question. I would probably have put her at maybe 22/23 instead, but that's just my take. It's nice she has an understanding boyfriend then considering it would have been cheating technically. Though it's a little disappointing when two girls have the potential to get together but then a guy shows up. Well, disappointing for some but other readers won't even consider that factor. Other Notes: Overall, it's a well laid out story that meets the word count limits without seeming like it's missing sections or reduced to fit the size. Didn't feel like you had to sacrifice or remove anything to make it into a flash fiction story. One minor detail when it comes to the editing... Might also want to check out the whole static item, which includes the description part. In the little information about the item section, you have the dialogue but "Your" is incorrect since Carrie is trying to say you are too pretty. Needs to be "You're" to be correct. It is a well done story that fits within the Quickie world ver well. Nice work. Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep Writing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4766579

Review of Eggs of Luck  

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Given:   Jul 29, 2024 at 5:47pm

Length:   2,949 Characters | 2,890 w/o WritingML

Hi there Angelica Weatherby-WDCBDFEWS ! I am reviewing your story today just for fun and as a fellow competitor in "Invalid Item"  . it is going to be a long time before the round ends so I'm hoping we get some great competition soon. Initial Reaction: Always fun to get a dragon story from you. Even if it's what anyone will expect considering your username, it rarely ever disappoints when I get to see your take on any type of story that involves the particular fantasy creature. Contest/Prompt: We got lucky for the contest in that the prompt is rather open. Well, when it comes to the type of story at least. So, I'm able to do my little coming out attempt, you can put in a fun dragon story, and they both qualify in the same contest. The main requirement that was specific has to do with the blog post in the character's POV that shared something about the character/story that wasn't found in the flash fiction portion. Final Notes and Other Thoughts: It is a fun story, overall. We get to enjoy the excitement from the main character as he goes on a sort of egg hunt. The mixing of candy eggs, like Easter, with actual dragon eggs makes things more interesting because we don't know if he will be able to get that dragon. While candy is nice, it's hard to compete against getting to have an actual dragon. One thing that was a little confusing for me was when to use plural versus singular any time an egg or eggs gets mentioned. Like it makes sense when talking about 100 eggs to be plural. And if he was picking one dragon with the 5 dollars, it would be an egg. However, at the end he sets the eggs down on the seat. So, does he get more than one egg for the 5 dollars? That is quite the deal but when he speaks about the Hydra, he says that he got a creature, which is singular. Might want to look over the egg/eggs spots in the story to see where you want to talk about a single egg and where there are multiple eggs. Blog Note: I could review both but I'm going to add my little note to this review instead. The only thing that you might want to consider with the blog entry in connection with this story for the contest might be how you included the same ending in the story about the egg hatching. It's not wrong, so this is just my impression but I would like to see more detail of the dream. Have him talk more about what he saw and the anticipation of what might come. The blog post just has to show something that was not seen in the story, which is why I am making the suggestion because it might come off stronger in that element with some adjustments. Still, it's a good little post that showcases how he had a vision about the dragon. He sort of knew but it wasn't so obvious that when he did get to the egg picking that he could be overly confident. He still had good reason for the nervousness amidst the excitement. Good job with the fun dragon story. Good luck! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4763958

Review of Activities entries  

for entry "Van Gogh book cover Starry Night" 

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Jul 18, 2024 at 2:23am

Length:   2,506 Characters | 2,434 w/o WritingML

Hello Angelica Weatherby-WDCBDFEWS ! I get to review your item in connection with "I Write in 2024"  [13+] since I posted in the forum after your entry. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing. Initial Thoughts: Oh Van Gogh. I'm a fan. I've always had a preference for impressionist art but the post-impressionism and expressionism are also quite amazing. This poem, if it includes facts, also taught me something that I didn't know. While many people are aware of Starry Night as a painting, I did not know any of the details behind the creation of the item. I didn't last long enough in art history class to get to that point. Would have been fascinating to learn more about artists like him. It's helpful as the poem first gives information about the artist, then has details about the particular painting. Contest/Prompt: The contest is a fun little challenge since it has the requirement of keeping the poem very short with only the 8 lines. Thank you for including the particular prompt used for the contest. For some of the ones where prompts change quick or there are multiple options, it helps to have that point listed in the item and not just the contest entered. Other Notes and Final Thoughts: Overall, you did a nice job with a limited number of lines to create this poem. It could be expanded, if you wanted, but is also enjoyable in the little bit size sections. The only recommendation I have for the poem is to make consider a minor change for the second line of the first paragraph. It's not wrong but strikes out as off balanced in my head when I'm reading it with the word "yet" at the end. The implication comes off that there would be more, and maybe it is meant that more came off this particular painting. However, I think that it would flow better to remove "yet" so it would go from "most famous panting" right into "at an asylum" since that is the location being presented by the stanza. Also, I'm not quite sure on the title but that's definitely on my end. You probably have a reason for putting it the way you did. Since I don't know the book, the book cover in the title thing was a tiny bit confusing. One of the things that I really like is the way you put the imagery of the poem within the second stanza in just a few short lines. It's done with very few words but but I can easily picture not only what you said but also the painting itself. Well done. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4763026

Review of I Write In 2019 and 2024 to....  

for entry "Who Did it? " 

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Given:   Jul 13, 2024 at 10:34pm

Length:   2,042 Characters | 1,975 w/o WritingML

Greetings, 💙 Carly: Joan Watson . I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] since I posted after you in the forum. Hope that my comments are helpful and that you are enjoying the challenge. Initial Reaction: This was quite the little mystery story with detectives trying to piece out how might have committed the crime. Focus is on the two people trying to figure out who done it when there is one suspect that seems obvious but might not be the actual culprit. Did well with the use of the words from the contest prompt too as they were required and the reason behind three of them being in a different font color. Contest/Prompt: The prompt was easy but you found an interesting way to use the required words to put in the very short, flash fiction story. I know the contest well too and it's not easy to write a story within that limited word count and with not much time since the prompts change each day. Having the words red works due to the contest requirement and the note at the bottom ties it together so a random reader will know the reasoning and inspiration with this one. I definitely didn't expect the plate prompt to bring about the cookie inclusion in the crime scene. Not what one would think at first but does give the chance for the cookie monster reference. Final Notes and Other Thoughts: This is a good flash fiction story and an interesting choice considering the prompt just included some rather common words. The only thing that could use a little tweaking is the second sentence. It is awkward with how it is said the potential culprits provided confusing evidence. I get the idea but it's the wording of things that caused me to stumble in that paragraph. In general, a little reword late on, maybe out loud, with a quick edit is always helpful if you find ways to adjust commas or a word here or there. I know with the contest, there probably wasn't the time. Either way, you did a great job with this one. Keep Writing. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4761349

Review of Contest Entries  

for entry "Tim Neufield Elegy" 

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Given:   Jul 6, 2024 at 10:22pm

Length:   2,499 Characters | 2,443 w/o WritingML

Hi there, Angelica Weatherby-WDCBDFEWS ! My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2024"  [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing this poem and dedication to a musician. Initial Thoughts: A nice but very short poem that is a dedication to a musician. I've never heard of the musician but it was easy enough to look him up. While the poem is short with just the four lines, it does the purpose well in creating an elegy. Contest/Prompt: It is nice that you entered the romance poetry contest as this round has a bit of a different prompt. I like Write from the Heart and am glad people are entering. It really does help that Contest Challenge is doing part of the job promoting it. Good to see use for an item in different venues too aside from I Write. Having an elegy part of the prompt, it is easy to see that this does follow what the contest requires. Suggestions and Final Thoughts: I do have a couple of random comments and suggestions. While I do get the elegy aspect, there are some things that might help a reader and one point that I wasn't sure due to a search on YouTube. The musicians name - The title suggests that the name is Tim Neufield with an "I" in the last name. However, when I looked up the name on YouTube, most of the videos have it as Tim Neufeld. Is it the musician who performed with the Glory Boys? Just curious because it might be a good idea to fix that part if it's supposed to be spelled a different way. I get a little confused in the third line with the sentence structure. Something about having "in" twice that close together even with the comma between is confusing. Might help if there is a way to reorganize that sentence but not change the overall meaning because the point you are making does work. The reader needs to know that it has been a long time, a missing musician aspect. My final suggestion is not important but something to consider. While knowing it is an elegy is a good point, it might help to also put in the note what that means. I did a google search but not every reader is going to want to take any extra steps to understand. Though some might since those that do world building and stuff are fans of research. Anyways, it's just an idea to add a line that explains it is a poem that serves as a reflection and even a lament. Which is what works for me because the poem does feel like a lament. Good luck! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4760759

Review of Solomon's garden  

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Jul 4, 2024 at 8:52pm

Length:   2,664 Characters | 2,592 w/o WritingML

Hello LightinMind . My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. First Impression: It starts off in a somewhat expected way due to the prompt image giving the desert feel for setting. The shift to the supernatural with the concept of Solomon and his wife for the religious route in story was an interesting choice. This should attract a few different readers who are interested in the idea behind the title and item description. Prompt: This works well in consideration with the prompt. Anyone who is aware of the image, which helps that you used it for the item cover, will see the link between the inspiration and the overall story. Thank you for posting the word count and a link to the contest at the bottom of the item. That helps not only to verify a rule but provides a random reader with information to the creation of this particular item while showcasing the contest that someone might not have known about. That is appreciated. Story Thoughts: This has some potential and elements that should interest readers. It is appreciated the use of the focal characters without trying to put forth a full cast that would have made the start of the story difficult to follow. Tom being the main character and having to see things through the scope of the one character was helpful and well done. The downside to how the story starts, however, is that it does come off a little tell as information is provided about Solomon and the seal with things that Tom is recalling. It helps maybe in word count for the information to come out that way instead of having to show or expose in other methods but there are some pitfalls to that approach as well. The library is also an interesting point because in a way books are a physical element that is part of the materialistic world. Yet knowledge itself provided is beyond that aspect. Having the focus of the end being the warning is an understandable approach. While it's not the most dynamic in the form of conflict, that can be appreciated in its own right because we don't need battles all of the time in order to appreciate what a story provides to a reader. Final Comments: Overall, this is a good approach to a story inspired by the particular image from the prompt. It had some limitations with the word count requirement of the concept but produced a thought provoking result for different readers to appreciate or even question. Nice work. I hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the contest and keep writing. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4760714

Review of Unbeknownst To Us  

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)

Given:   Jul 4, 2024 at 6:18pm

Length:   2,867 Characters | 2,802 w/o WritingML

Hello PrincessThai . My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"  [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. I hope that you enjoyed the prompt and challenge with creating this entry. First Impression: While I can appreciate the idea behind the story there are some technical elements that stand out and affect the reading of the entry. There are some elements that could use work while others are going to be appreciated by different readers. The use of description for elements like the elongated egg or the little bits of information that we get about the character was very much appreciated. Prompt: When it comes to the use of the image for the prompt, anyone looking for the prompt should be able to find the influence in the story. You did well with the interpretation and coming up with a story when given just an image of a single moment to use as the basis. Nice work with the approach taken on that element. Story Thoughts: There is quite a lot that goes on in the story. By the end, I'm not even sure what exactly happened but things don't seem to go well for the trio. The details around the chaos and actions are helpful to make the story interesting to read. It's a story that has potential but may need a little work in order to develop things more. Final Comments: I had a little bit of a difficult time following the story. Which one of the trio is supposed to be the main character? Is it Bates? One thing that would help on the technical side is to be cautious about any shifts or major changes. In the case of this story, you have a change in tense that occurs near the beginning of the story. The first couple of paragraphs are done in present tense, which can be hard to pull off. Some readers like that since it's less common but others don't care much for the story done in this tense. However, you then switched to the more common past tense after doing the background paragraph about the three characters. The paragraphs could also use a little more division. For example, when two different people have dialogue, it would help to have what they say put in different paragraphs instead of having a few different things and times when people speak put into the same one. It would also help give a little more variety to some of the paragraphs though it really isn't too similar. Still, it's okay to have some really short paragraphs if someone is giving a quick set of words then you want to have action from a different character. I did appreciate the story itself and am sure there are some readers who will find it an enjoyable read with the craziness that ensued for the trio of characters and their quest. Thank you for taking the time to enter the site contest in May. Keep Writing. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4758298

Review of Girl Watching  

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Jun 22, 2024 at 6:28pm

Length:   3,531 Characters | 3,502 w/o WritingML

Hi there JACE ! And I even put the right person this time. Anyways, so I'm going to be reviewing your entry about the female form since you posted for "I Write in 2024"  [13+] and I had the chance to post right after. Okay, calling this a review might be a bit of a stretch. Not even going to put in any type of review image signature and not using a single template. This is going to be more of a ramble, free write of my thoughts based on reactions to what you wrote. So, the first reaction: hahahahahahahaha Okay, got that out of my system. hehe. I am very amused that you submitted this item, even with the already having an award making my own entry from last week seem less likely to place. This is very entertaining and not what I would have expected at all though does make sense considering the title and item description. It is interesting that you get a little defensive about why this would not include the gay male as they probably wouldn't appreciate the female figure, which is incorrect in some cases. Though not sure about the view from the back but have had a gay man giggle over cleavage and he admitted that he enjoys women that show some of that off. Aside from that, there is also the fact that many women like to look at other women, not even taking sexual orientation into consideration. Though the thoughts that come with the observations will vary depending on the individual. I happen to be an asexual, born female though if getting specific align along gender queer, who happens to also be a girl watcher of many shapes and across the range of life. There is just so many different things to look at when it comes to women. On that line of thought, oh dear goodness there was a female with the most amazing legs when I competed in powerlifting. Just wow. I'm not talking small either but they were amazing and she did very well when it came to squats. Women who spend time at the gym on squats, deadlifts and bench (that thing men focus on and some women seem to avoid) are something I can both appreciate and recommend. While the topic of watching and appreciating the form was expected from title, the approach over how a woman walks was a little bit of a curveball and in a way made it interesting. Does put to mind the phrase I remember from Everybody Loves Raymond when Debra was helping the old men but they were kinda perving on her. They made a comment about how it was nice to watch her leave. Now for the aspect of taken people watching others.. I never understood the problem. Like, I've rarely had any relationships but I've had a few and I never really was the jealous type. Yes, unless communication is there for an open relationship, keep hands to self but there shouldn't be anything wrong with looking. Sticoms even joke about how the guys shouldn't imagine others in their head for things. It's pretend. Let them look and get the occasional magazine, that shouldn't be such a big deal. I might have to pay more attention to the walk of women in the near future. Check out the different ones that cross my path. Okay, so one thing to make this sound more like a review. You could consider cutting out a couple of the -ly adverb type words. Not all of them, since there is a reason and purpose for the type of word. However, in 700 words it could be stronger with a few removed. Just a thought. I like how you ended the sort of essay item with the lasting memory and promise of subsequent reflection. Great word choices and a fun approach overall. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4755994

Review of Wonderful World  

for entry "National Name Your Poison Day (6/8)" 

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)

Given:   Jun 8, 2024 at 9:27pm

Length:   2,328 Characters | 2,265 w/o WritingML

Greetings Wilhemina Harker🦇 . I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] Initial Reaction: Ahh, that is quite the mistake from the character who is going through a rough spell trying to get sober. Some people would have seen the bottle and thought about making hand sanitizer, thanks to the events over the last few years, but for an alcoholic... to see a percentage of alcohol listed on the bottle, it is a believable mistake. The struggle came for me in point of view. Are we looking at the story from Fred's POV? Or is it Mike? It seems to jump between the two but there isn't any clear cut spots for making that kind of change. It could make things difficult for a reader to follow along. Contest/Prompt: I am not sure if it fits the activity because the link in the forum just goes to the overall book item where the entry is posted. It would help to have a link to the forum on Geminigem's port to tell what inspired the "name your poison" topic and entry written. I can guess that it fit the activity but I can't say for sure. You might want to add the other forum link to your post on I Write, if octobersun checks them out since we are supposed to post a link to the activity or contest. Final Notes and Other Thoughts: It is an interesting approach but also a little confusing. While I can see why we might need to do a section from one character and another section from the other, especially since the one loses consciousness part way through the story, there needs to be a better distinction when making the switch. Also, I don't quite get where things are going once we reach the end. It has some interesting details at the end but I don't understand the connection. Maybe it would have helped to know if there was a prompt. Any information about what type of story you wanted to create might help make it easier to understand. I guessed that the title of the entry was the "prompt" but I still am not sure. Just had too many questions in the end as the reader between the "story" and the activity that was connected to the entry. Still I hope it did well or that it helped give support to the activity as I do know the user mentioned too. Nice work with keeping up when it comes to the I Write challenge and keep on writing. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4754833

Review of Contest Entries  

for entry "The Treasure Room" 

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Given:   Jun 1, 2024 at 7:06pm

Length:   2,610 Characters | 2,543 w/o WritingML

Greetings. Angelica Weatherby-WDCBDFEWS I get to review your flash fiction story today since I posted after you in "I Write in 2024"  [13+]. Hope that my comments on the entry help even though the contest round is over since it was a single day one. Initial Reaction: This is a good starting point and a little gem of an idea. It has much potential since you were able to get a little action. I'm sure some will appreciate the nod to the Indiana Jones taking an item without triggering a weight sensitive trap. You definitely managed to cram in quite a fair amount of excitement in less than 200 words. Contest/Prompt: The prompt was very easy to find since it was not only the very first words but also put in bold. It made sense how you used the prompt from the Daily Flash Fiction contest. It is a hard one since have to develop a story in less than 300 words. Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I have a few thoughts and suggestions based on my own preferences. A couple of them will make the story a little shorter and tighter. The rest would make the story longer cause well, that is what I usually do. For general thought... I like the idea here. And you start off well with the dialogue and character so we know there are siblings on some type of adventure. The struggle, which was probably influenced by a very limited allowed word count, is that the one big paragraph just tells the reader what happens. The sandbag part is okay but then you try to add more excitement with the rats and the zombie situation but there isn't enough space and words for that part. I think that part also was a little confusing since you tried to put so much into that to get a full story in just a paragraph. In the first line/paragraph, it is a little confusing because I think it's the sister that is saying the line of dialogue but then we get action from the main character connected to it. For that, I would have separated them so we get the line of dialogue, the little bit of space, then we know what the main character sees about the reason for the suggestion. For the second line, you could just say that the character pulled her away from the spider web, or the spider and cut out some of the words to use that count elsewhere. Just an idea. I do think what you have is a good start and something that is creative. It has potential and has some fun elements a reader may or may not expect to find. Nice work in creating something this short and with something dynamic involved. Keep on trying with the flash fiction. Maybe a zombie story could be next. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4752632

Review of Activities entries  

for entry "I Melt Away" 

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Given:   May 18, 2024 at 11:31pm

Length:   2,020 Characters | 1,944 w/o WritingML

Hello Angelica Weatherby-WDCBDFEWS I get to review your item as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] since my post came in the forum after yours. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing. Initial Thoughts: hmmmm This is quite a different piece that does pull at emotions and can draw the reader in through the use of the repeated first line for each stanza. I didn't know what to expect, even after checking out the challenge that created the prompt. Yet in many ways it does make sense. At the same time, it also leaves me with so many questions. Contest/Prompt: They made an interesting choice in the lyric prompt. I am always a fan of using music to inspire stories but not sure I would know what to write for that one. On the plus side, you managed quite well and made it really easy to see the prompt usage in the title and the repeated line that you used to start each stanza. While I am not the biggest fan of having to repeat lines, which certain forms do require, you managed to make it work for this particular poem. Another Other Thoughts and Suggestions: I don't have too much else to offer or suggestions to make when it comes to this poem overall. You did quite well. I'm not 100 percent sure that it feels ended. Like, for me, it could have gone on another stanza. I'm not sure what would give it a sense of finality, however. Maybe it depends on what melt away really means. hmmm Maybe it would help a little to have the description of the prompt and such that is at the bottom a little further down. I started reading it like it might be another stanza even though it didn't have the bold first line from the others. Having a little more space could help with the appearance for the online factor. I did appreciate not only the details but the link for the activity. Either way... Good job! Hopefully it does well and you have fun with whatever challenge you work on next. Keep writing. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4749834

Review of Trumpian Sophy's Quatern  

Review by Dawn Embers

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Given:   May 4, 2024 at 11:01pm

Length:   2,423 Characters | 2,378 w/o WritingML

Hello JCosmos My name is Dawn and I decided to review your poem as I saw it was posted for Writer's Cramp. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing. Initial Thoughts: A good attempt at putting out a political based inspired poem for one of the more complicated forms during the week long poetry challenge. You picked the right line for the repetition. It will stand out on a few different elements and hopefully be appreciated as it stands. Contest/Prompt: The form is one aspect of the prompt from the contest. However, you may have a little trouble for the round because you only followed half of the prompt. The form is part one but the judge also listed a required title. So, you might want to move the "Trumpian Sohy's Quatern" to the item description and change the title to "Being Free" since that is a requirement. Other Notes and Suggestions: It is a good job at putting out a political poem, which can be a challenge and could be interesting to see the comments that may or may not come in from random readers. I just have one more suggestion that is on the technical side for appearances when it comes to displaying details like form used or notes from a contest. This is very good information to have but with the current approach taken in this static item, it's just something that was sort of copy/pasted to the end of the item. I would suggest doing a little more to label the section so that people know why that section is below the poem. I tend to do "notes" and add a dropnote but you can just label a part as the "Prompt:" which can have the aspects from the contest and like for this one, maybe do another for "Form:" so the details below are known to be focused on the form. I would suggest taking out the example. If you wanted to let the reader have access to that detail, then you can link to the original item that discussed the form, much like how the judge posted in the forum when they picked the form for the prompt. Having someone else's writing at the bottom, even if it's done as an example, could be problematic if you don't know whether they are okay with it being shared in that wan. Still, thank you for adding some information since it's a particular form so readers have an idea of why things are laid out a certain way. Good job with the poem and good luck! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4749491

Review of The Sands of Time  

Review by Dawn Embers

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Given:   May 2, 2024 at 9:56pm

Length:   2,117 Characters | 2,069 w/o WritingML

Hello Gratefully IE . My name is Dawn and I decided to review your poem just for fun since I saw it posted in the Writer's Cramp contest for the poetry week challenge. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing. Initial Thoughts: The topic and description caught my attention at once, thanks if big part to the poem title as well. In fact, I think that the concept of time is something you could create a whole book of poems about using different forms. I don't know about other readers but I know that I'd find them compelling to read. This is a good start and example of a thought provoking poem. Contest/Prompt: The prompt is nice because it gave an open topic while the form for the day included syllable counts but wasn't over the top or confusing. You did well to work with the single stanza allowed, hitting the syllable scheme (or I assume as I don't go through these with a fine tooth comb checking each person's attempt at syllable counting). Since you could write about anything as long as you used the form, it gave plenty of room and I'm a fan of your topic choice. Final Thoughts and Any Suggestions: I do like what you created, overall. If I had any suggestion it would be to consider the comma usage in the poem and/or consider punctuation. I do appreciate that poetry doesn't necessarily need to use punctuation. However, if there are some bits used and other parts are lacking, it can feel out of place. The commas are okay but there are spots that feel like they would need a pause too, which is what the comma creates. The line "Then all my days, it seems" is a good example because my brain wants there to be another comma after "seems". Same goes for the line above it. So, one thing you can do, if you want to play around with this poem without even really changing the words is check out commas or consider adding periods to see how it looks and flows. Just an idea. Nice work with the form and considering how many options an open prompt can provide. Good job and good luck! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4749189

Review of A Final Tribute: Fire and Blood  

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   May 1, 2024 at 11:31am

Length:   2,635 Characters | 2,558 w/o WritingML

Hello JACE . My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2024"  [13+] due to the order of posting as I decided to jump in after you. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing. Initial Thoughts: It is fun to see a different approach to someone who used the same prompt since we both entered the same round in Writer's Cramp. There is plenty of leeway considering it was topic based with room to grow for whatever came to the writer's imagination. I like how you used the poem of the day to create this dedication to the crazy activity a fair number of people I know took part in over the last month. It's also nice to go with a poem that isn't necessarily trying to be elite or "publishable". Instead, the dedication to your group and the activity is fun within itself and something those involved will appreciate. Contest/Prompt: The prompt was both simple and a challenge because the topic gave plenty of room for whatever the poet wanted to create but it had to be within the form requirements. I'm not going to run it through a syllable counter or check myself to make sure every line matches the pattern. I will assume what you have is accurate. Fire and ice is something that can be conjured when considering fantasy elements or in any relation to Game of Thrones even for those of us that haven't read the books and never watched the show. It seems to work for me in relation to the topic quite well. Favorite Part: As we go Spirit's soar Our strength is in our support. One and all we are. Final Thoughts and Any Suggestions: So, I'll start the end by saying that overall this is well done. It's a personal dedication to both a little group and an extensive activity here on the site. The only thing that stood out to me where my brain tried to change something would be the very end. Not that it's wrong. In fact, you don't use a rhyme scheme so one wouldn't be necessary. But for some reason, my brain doesn't like the choice of "win" as the very end. Instead, it wants the line to say "we won." So, not wrong just what comes to my thoughts when I am doing the reading. Nice work with the syllabic poem and creating the five different stanzas from the base requirements. It's going to be a fun week in the Writer's Cramp. Maybe I'll see you around on the contest forum if you decide to enter another wrong. I also hope if it's shared that the others from your group in the challenge enjoyed the little tribute. Good job and Good luck! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4749093

Review of Enchantment  

Review by Dawn Embers

Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Apr 30, 2024 at 6:21pm

Length:   1,917 Characters | 1,861 w/o WritingML

Hello winklett . My name is Dawn and I decided to review your poem since we both entered the same round in Writer's Cramp. Something about the poem caught my attention. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing. Initial Thoughts: Fire is a great topic for a poem and it's something that I could really see through your word choices in this poem that took on a challenging form. I like that you manage to equate fire with magic. This is a good approach to a topic and something that different readers will appreciate. Contest/Prompt: The contest is having a fun week with the poetry only rounds and having to do a different form each day. I'd never heard of this particular form before, which after 15+ years is less common but still possible. I found it to be quite a challenge but the end result in what the writers are creating is fun to read. I may have enjoyed reading it more than writing, lol. You did well in taking the five different stanzas while trying to follow the syllable counts. I didn't check them up with a counter or anything so I'm going off the assumption that each line matches the requirement. Favorite Stanza: hypnotized the conflagration fed and fueled glad to rise shifting in shapes and colors blended and changing Final Suggestions and Thoughts: Overall, you did a great job with taking the topic and form required by the contest and turning it into this poem. I even learned something knew as I wasn't quite sure on the spelling for the term sleight of hand but I got to see it in action here. For some reason, I thought sleight was different but it makes sense. I liked the middle stanza in particular because of the visual it creates in relation to fire plus it shows I'm not the only one using words like "conflagration" within the poem. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4748515

Review of Activities entries  

for entry "My Writing" 

Review by Dawn Embers

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Apr 27, 2024 at 8:07pm

Length:   1,476 Characters | 1,446 w/o WritingML

Hi Angelica Weatherby-WDCBDFEWS . I decided to toss a review your way since you posted this one on scroll and I had fun reading it. This is a nice idea for a poem and I can see how the prompt could inspire a variety of options since it requires such a personal touch. Of course, you manage to put in the personal touch with the inclusion of the dragons in the poem when discussing writing since it's what you are known for in your own work and in contests that you manage. If I saw this poem at random, "blind" to where I didn't see the author at first, I would probably guess or be reminded of you. Another aspect I sort of like about this particular poem is that the style is what could be called "stream of conscience" writing. It's something that teachers will at times suggest. You don't worry too much about centering around a topic, per se, but instead focus on putting words down. The only thing I would suggest is maybe have something in an about section where you could call it a stream of conscious poem about your writing. Might be easier if this was it's own static item because then you would have a spot for a description. Since it's in a book with lots of different things, the reader sees the description as "random topics" as it's about the book and not the individual post. Downside to having limits in the number of items one can have at a given time, unfortunately. Doesn't deter from the overall result. This was an enjoyable little poem.

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#4748325

Review of Losing Weight Tips  

Review by Dawn Embers

Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Apr 26, 2024 at 9:10pm

Length:   3,376 Characters | 3,369 w/o WritingML

Hi there, Syzygy . I found this piece of advice posted through a random search and it's something that caught my attention due to personal relevance. There are a number of things that I like about this piece so I'm going to divide this "review" into two parts: technical writing stuff and personal relation stuff. The Writing: The overall picture of what you have posted here is something that I enjoyed reading and I think it's a really good idea. I've seen similar aspects done in blog posts or when creating a letter to self for the site official contest in January as many people make weight loss goal. I'm not going to give advice against any point put out because it's personal thoughts on the topic. However, I do have a couple of suggestions in relation to the technical side for how this is posted because there may be a way to spruce up the appearance. Have you considered putting the first part in center instead of left aligned? Since both of the first two lines are title like in their purpose, I think it would work to have "Losing Weight Tips (6/20/2023)" and "Tips from myself to myself" in the center of the pages over the different sections of tips that are provided. I would also say the *** aren't needed in line two. You could maybe make those lines a bigger font if you want to let them stand out more. I do think the *** make sense when used for the rest of the item as a form of separation. It works to show from one thought to the next. It's not incorrect or anything to have it in that one line but from my perspective, it also isn't needed. Now for the fun part. Personal Reaction: I have done weight loss journeys off and on for many years. When I turned 30, I decided to get healthier and went from over 200 to 140 lbs through watching calories, weight training and cardio. And now as I get close to 40, need to get back to some of that in order to get weight down (even though I didn't gain everything back at least). So, I have some experiences with this. I can relate to things like wanting pizza and how with limited calorie counts (like for short women) there really isn't that much wiggle room. It is interesting that your scale takes the AAA batteries. Mind isn't super fancy, not sure I feel the need for that bluetooth connection stuff, but it still takes one of those little round batteries instead. Had to get one recently so I could start keeping track at home again. One thing I would suggest, if you still are working on the gym stuff is to consider the weight training also as another focus beyond the numbers on a scale. Self defense is a good one that I hadn't thought about. I will consider that myself going forward. What helps too for me is that I'm improving my strength. So, seeing numbers like a 235 squat is a nice boost instead of always checking the scale to see if the numbers went down. I also had never thought about the little money on the side from the membership just in case something comes up. Like maybe want to try out a new tool, such as the sling shot. Or maybe a new protein snack to help with goals. That is an interesting point in setting aside the money from two different pay checks per month. It makes sense and can see how these types of tips could be helpful to you as the writer and hopefully follower of the tips. Hope you are doing well and have a good weekend. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4747578

Review of Memories in a Toothbrush  

Review by Dawn Embers

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)

Given:   Apr 23, 2024 at 11:20pm

Length:   2,193 Characters | 2,190 w/o WritingML

Hello there, Victor Storm . I found your research piece that relates to cats very interesting and wanted to send over some thoughts/comments in reaction to the article. It's something I wasn't expected to find. However, as an owner of two cats and since I pet sit other people's cats on the side, I found it an interesting concept. The topic was something I had never heard before. Would not have thought to use a wet toothbrush on a cat. I know some like brushes, whether made for pets or even just human brushes. One of my cats is weird cause she acts calmer when she is wearing little outfits while other cats absolutely refuse. So, it's an interesting premise that the cats would get such results from a toothbrush. I can sort of see the correlation between the bristles of the brush and the sandpapery feel of the cats tongue. Different home settings for the cats does provide a good showcase of the different dynamics and the possible reasons they may have initial reluctance towards humans. Can see how that would help showcase the results from the toothbrush experiment. The only part I struggle with in relations to the result is the assertion that the reason it created calm is the memory of the mother. It's a possibility, since they would have the same features, however, that does require an assumption or knowledge that they were around a mother cat long enough to receive those initial sparks. My doubt may be due in part to the fact I work with human behavior but I'm not allowed to list a reason for most of the behaviors that aren't something that can be observed. If the person doesn't say this is why I hit the table, I can list the action but I can't say "he was angry that the card was moved" even if that is a possible reason. Maybe can postulate as a possibility but can put things with certainty as just the data collecting tech. With the cats, I wish I could read their thoughts or have them communicate. Maybe then I will know what JiJi wants when she is being very vocal. For now, I have a cat napping on my foot as I enjoy the item you provided here on the site. Thank you for sharing something with such a different topic and providing some new information. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4747222

Review of A girl named Ann  

Review by Dawn Embers

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Apr 22, 2024 at 7:06pm

Length:   2,013 Characters | 1,990 w/o WritingML

Hello there, Purple Princess . I found this poem through the random reads option and it inspired me to write a little review. It's fun to see a light poem that manages the right amount of humor. I just have a few thoughts overall to share. Thank you for providing the limerick here on WDC and I hope that you've had fun with the GoT challenge that gave the inspiration for it. Initial Impression: Most of the time, I'm not a big fan of the colorful fonts for items that are submitted in contests or something someone may be developing for publication submission. However, there are times when it does make sense. Aside from prompts that require making sure a certain set of words stand out, I would say you have the other good reason here. Something about a user who goes by Purple Princess using a purple font for a limerick about a girl named Ann just makes sense. I like the usage here and it gives the poem just the right touch of flair. Technical Side: The limerick is one form that I've only done a couple of times since I'm not very funny. I think you took a good approach in crating a limerick and the prompt made sense considering the approach you took. While it's not the most unexpected, considering the rhyme scheme and the name Ann, but it doesn't need to be something out of left field. Only thing I would maybe suggest is to look at the third line in the stanza. The word "woud" throws me off because my brain tries to change it to wood for the sound but that doesn't make sense in the context of the sentence. Even my autocorrect thinks it should be "would" and that is probably what you meant. However, if you wanted to keep the l out for some reason, maybe put in the little ' symbol which sometimes gets used in words when skipping a letter or two for dialect purposes. Still probably should just be "would". Other than that, everything looks great. I got a little chuckle out of this poem. It's fun and that's the whole point of a limerick. Nice work and keep writing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4744699

Review of Mall Misadventure  

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Apr 14, 2024 at 12:59am

Length:   2,071 Characters | 2,009 w/o WritingML

Greetings. Wilhemina Harker🦇 I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+]. I hope that you've enjoyed the challenge so far and are having fun with writing. Initial Reaction: Haha. Well, you did manage something quite well and that was to get me to chuckle when reading this story, which is good considering you were using comedy as the prompt for the contest entered. I do appreciate a good tale about kids and the fun they can create (or terror depending on the point of view). it is fun and fits with the characters presented. Contest/Prompt: This is a fun challenge because you were given a prompt that focuses on genre but gives some options. It's fairly open in that way, so that you could write almost anything you wanted as long as it fit within the genres as part of the options listed. Picking comedy, of course, is a fun choice. This does read well enough within the genre that it shouldn't have any problems in the contest. Final Notes and Other Thoughts: The only thing that caused me to struggle would have to be the beginning. It felt like it started, went back some so that I wasn't sure who was the focus and where they were at for the start. I guessed that maybe it was the intention. The kid running away, which happens later in the story does draw the attention of the reader. However, the way it seems to snap to explain a little that the character is wanting to give her sister a break while also making sure the kids enjoy time with grandpa. Once things get going, it's easier to sink into the story and start to see the characters in their own personality details. It is entertaining and on the light side, which can be appreciated. This is also something that feels realistic. People will be able to relate, or at least those with some kid watching experiences under their belts. And semi-seriously... Who wears flip-flops when babysitting rambunctious kids when taking them out in public? lol Overall, nice work and good luck with the contest. Keep writing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4738975

Review of ruwth is writing...  

for entry "~ Sky Diving ~" 

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Mar 23, 2024 at 6:38pm

Length:   2,144 Characters | 2,083 w/o WritingML

Greetings. ruwth I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] as I have posted in the forum after you. It is fun to see you on the challenge and I hope that you are enjoying the time writing too. Initial Reaction: Oh, I know this contest. I noticed it a little bit ago in the contest in & out where it caught my attention. It has an interesting premise as a contest and it's fun to see what someone decided to write considering the prompts available. And this is a good choice of topic. You have a fun set of options and really show it with giving both the personal account type account along with the very different instructor account. It is an entertaining set of different viewpoints surrounding a crazy event: sky diving. I like the little quirks added to the characters considering each one had to be limited by a very small word count. Contest/Prompt: The contest brings about quite the challenge considering it is taking more than one point of view for the same exact scene that is done at a very limited word count. I liked the idea of the contest but most of the prompts were a little too specific for my taste. I have so many characters that I try to find prompts that I can use to work on current ideas instead of creating even more. However, I see there is the addition of the more open prompt, so can see why you decided to go with that one. Okay and the word count is a little too low for me most of the time. Well done in being able to do each section in such a limited allowance. You follow the prompt well and that will qualify just fine for the contest. Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, you did quite well with this particular challenge. I really liked the little quip that was created with the first person writing out her will and the instructor noticing. And it is also cute the use of "piglet" for the granddaughter, having it attached to her harness. I liked the little touches in each section because that is what really gave the situation flavor and is what will entertain the readers. Good job with the story and good luck! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4736339

Review of Wonderland 2024  

for entry "C-1. Curious and Curiouser" 

Review by Dawn Embers

In affiliation with I Write  

Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Given:   Mar 10, 2024 at 5:12pm

Length:   1,622 Characters | 1,563 w/o WritingML

Greetings. Jeff is Carl & Princess Donut I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] since you posted in the forum before me. It was fun to get to see an entry for part of the Wonderland. I've looked at that one but never entered, so I am enjoying the chance to see some of the challenges that came with that. Initial Reaction: This one was interesting. It can be hard, at times to do something that is supposed to be historical. But creative nonfiction can really make it something readers will want to check out since it has the read of fiction but involves the fact inside the story. Contest/Prompt: The contest is a fun one and hopefully you are doing well with the different challenges it presents. I am sure you are managing well. The prompt with the history element does well in this flash fiction story. The addition of the information at the end of the item helps. I don't often put the prompt at the beginning but think that for the particular challenge, it's a good choice. Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, this was entertaining. Reminded me a little of a story I had just finished listening to in part due to the title but also the creation of the museum. I just read a book about a mystery that had the word curiosities in the title and had clues related to Barnum curious items including a fake "mermaid" that was a taxidermy animal basically. It is interesting to know that Teddy Roosevelt created a little museum of natural history. And I liked seeing it through the character himself showing a little spunk and ingenuity. Nice work! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .