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151
151
Review of Haunted Tales  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. The writing in this piece is not bad, but it does need some work. One of the biggest things that I noticed you tend to repeat words a lot. You used "shiny" to describe one thing, for example, and then not even two sentences later, you used it again to describe something. Same thing with "rolling" and "rolled". When you use the same words like that over again such close proximity to one another, it sounds redundant. Not that you can't recycle words, but you really want to spread out their use.

Also, I found the plot a little lacking. I didn't empathize with anyone in the story, so I felt no connection to the story. It wasn't enough for me that because the truck had the number 13 on it, that was a reason to terrorize the family. You may want to give some greater reason why 13 triggered the response in your lead character that it did. Make it more personal for him, so that the readers can better relate to his plight.

Anyway, these are just my suggestions, please use or discard them as you see fit.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Howling Halloween  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I thought I'd take a peek into your poetic side, and I'm glad I did. Loved this poem! It was great. You were able to write a completely coherent poem with a rhyme scheme from "howling halloween", which is something I myself would have found kind of limiting. But you didn't and you pulled it off very well. I also liked that it kind of told a story, which is for me my most favorite kind of poetry. I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's also a plus!

Keep up the good work!

Elizabeth
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
153
153
Review of Steam  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I thought this poem was very lovely. Certainly you created some clear, crisp images, but my favorite line was the one about the "beast retreating..." Love that little bit of darkness! Yea, tame the beast!

In all honestly, I'm not overly into poetry that celebrates the everyday, and perhaps even the mundane (I say that with the utmost respect), but I really liked this. The simplicity of your verses really appealed to me, and that simplicity, as I stated, the imagery was fabulous.

Keep up the good work and write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
154
154
Review of Haiku: the storm  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. This was an interesting piece. As far as the form and style go, you were successful. However, it terms of the poem itself, it seemed rather straightforward and well, kind of obvious. If I could offer a suggestion? I think you picked a great topic to write about, so perhaps you should look for ways to describe it that is different from the norm. I think that would be the key to improving upon this poem.

Of course, this is just my opinion. Please feel free to use or disregard these suggestions as see you fit, and please know that no disrespect or offense was intended.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
155
155
Review of MURDEROUS  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. Your story started off very well and I was completely hooked and intrigued, but then around the second half of the story seemed to change both in tone and in plot, and I was thrown off-balance, in a manner of speaking. Although clearly this is one story and I understood the overall intent of your peice, it really feels like two different stories. If there was some way you could better tie together the two--how the greed led to a murder--it would make it more seamless. Additionally, there doesn't seem to be any conclusion, so it doesn't feel finished. Even though you are working with 150 words, there still should be a way to end the story with concrete ending.

In any case, these are just my opinions. Please use or disregard them as you see fit, and no that no offense was intended.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
156
156
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. This story is certainly a surprise. I was thinking it was going to be some kind of horror story, but it turned out to be rather sweet in a dark and fun way. I think the reason it works is because you are able to really keep the reader off guard, so that's great. My only critique--and this is very questionable, so take it with a grain of salt--is the formatting. It seemed a little hard to read because there were no paragraphs, no indents, etc. A simple solution could be to just space between the lines. Anyway, just a thought.

Otherwise, keep up the good work.
Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
157
157
Review of Squirrel Survivor  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Angus!

Me again! This was too cute and very funny! I tell you what, you made very good use of your 55 words! It can be a real challenge to write something that story and still tell a full and complete story, but you did it here, and you did it well. I could really picture that squirrel moving across the road in that erratic way that squirrels do, so that was great. Not too much more that I can say--it's fifty-five words after all, but keep up the good work!

Elizabeth *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
158
158
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. This poem was very interesting. I think that this could make a great poem for children, given how you have represented nature in your poem. I think children would relate very well, because the message is very simple and straightforward. Actually, if you could illustrate it or have someone illustrate it for you, it would be fabulous because the poem is so full of imagery.

Anyway, keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
159
159
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I loved this poem--I love prose poetry, and you really hit the nail on the head with this one! I loved the language of your poem so that even though it rhymed, I thought you were pretty able to avoid sounding too "mother goose-y". The rhythm is great and it reads and flows really well. This is a perfect poem for Halloween! Keep up the good work!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
160
160
Review of Timber  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. What a perfectly gruesome story told in such a calm, mundane voice! Very well done! I could really see the scene in the forests with the lumberjacks as they did their dark deed--all in the name of progress, mind you--and I thought your main character was very realistic. What did it for me was the details. You have a great way with details, and in the case of your main character, the little things like the whistling habit really filled out your character. Good job with this one!

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
161
161
Review of Spores  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello--

Thank you again for sharing your work. This story was very interesting; this story went with the picture of the door with the cracked glass pane, correct? If so, I would tell you that this was an ingenious way to incorporate that prompt. Additionally, the nature of the story you told is very frightening in its own right, and you ended it very well, very strong. Perhaps the beginning could use a little more work to be a little more engaging; I think the first paragraph could have been better used to pull the reader in with more relevant information like why Black felt a need to create a "super bug" to destroy mankind, or maybe a description of Black himself to give more insight to his state of mind...something like that.

But otherwise, it's 100 words, only so much you do. But I enjoyed the read, nonetheless. Write on!

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
162
162
Review of Shapeshifter  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work--this story was really cool! I remember the picture prompt very well, the woman with the bow and arrow with her back to the viewer. What a really great interpretation for that photo! The images were extremely vivid, and I liked the idea of an "all-powerful" woman exacting revenge for whatever injustice was caused to her. Again, very, very good and a really great and tight use of 100 words. Keep up the good work!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
163
163
Review of The Cardinal  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello--

I just wanted to tell you that this story was fantastic! I loved the pace of your tale; it was really very rich and intricate, and the horror was perfectly subtle--love that! You did such a great job with this prompt. I'm not judging today, but if I were, you would win hands down! Hope to see more of your work here on the Daily Slice! Good job!

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
164
164
Review of The locket  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there!

Thank you for sharing your work! Given that this is your first entry for a contest, I didn't think it was bad at all. Certainly, the writing was pretty good, and shows that you have good control of your pen. My only critique of your story would be that it felt a little predictable. It didn't take long to anticipate that the locket was going to choke her, so perhaps you may want to revisit that.

However, that said, it was still a pleasure to read your work, and I hope we continue to see more of your writing here in The Daily Slice.


Respectfully submitted,
Elizabeth M. John
** Image ID #1844179 Unavailable **

Looking for something scary to read? Then pick up a copy of my new book today! It's...brrr...chilling! Mwah hahahahahaha...

https://www.createspace.com/3838578

Or the ebook version available at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or check out my blog at: http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com/


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
165
165
Review of Her Mother's Gift  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Angus!

This was an interesting read. Actually, I thought you did a great job buidling up tension in the story. I was pretty intrigued by what was going to happen, especially given the dream sequence. However, I don't think I quite understood the ending, so I apologize if I didn't get it. I read it twice, and I had two reactions. First, she had herself was sucked into the locket, but then I thought, no, that's not right. Then I thought perhaps her eyes had been removed and sucked into the locket. I'm sorry, I'm just not sure. You may want to make it clearer what happened...or maybe it's just me.

In any case, like I said, I do think the story has a great start and in turn, great potential. I hope this helps.

Respectfully submitted,
Elizabeth M. John
** Image ID #1844179 Unavailable **

Looking for something scary to read? Then pick up a copy of my new book today! It's...brrr...chilling! Mwah hahahahahaha...

https://www.createspace.com/3838578

Or the ebook version available at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or check out my blog at: http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com/


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
166
166
Review of GHOSTCAT  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there!

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work! You really took a literal interpretation of the picture prompt, didn't you??? That's cool, though. Very interesting, for sure. Actually, given how you perceived the prompt, I thought you did a very good job incorporating the various elements of the picture into your story, namely the lights that were reflected in the picture. Great job with that. The only thing: I was a little confused at the end. I thought about it for a bit, and my guess was that you played with the superstitions associated with black cats? Even as a ghost cat, my crossing its path, the family was killed...at least, that's what I got out of it. I hope I'm right!

In any case, good luck to you too with the contest!!! *Smile*

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
This image is on 'share' for reviewers to use

Looking for something scary to read? Check out my new book available exclusively at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or visit my blog at http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
167
167
Review of Paw Prints  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there!

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work! I loved, loved, loved this! Particularly, this poem appeals to me on two levels: first, it tells a story. I love prose poetry. I really tend to dislike poems that ramble on and on about the random nature of things. I find that stuff to be too subjective to have any real value, but of course, that's just my opinion. That said, I like poems that take me on a journey, and yours did just that, an especially moving and poignant one at that.

The other thing that I liked was the style of language you used. I love it when rhyming poetry has kind of a "classic" or "refined" so to it that includes atypical phrases & words in the sentence: inverted subj/verb, rich vocab, etc. What I want to say is that you told the story in an elevated kind of language that is not used in conversation, and I appreciate that very much. I think that when rhyming poetry is written like that, it really gives a more timeless, classic sound and keeps it from sounding "mother-goosey".

I don't see where this poem needs any improvement. Great story, great flow, excellent use of language. Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
This image is on 'share' for reviewers to use

Looking for something scary to read? Check out my new book available exclusively at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or visit my blog at http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
168
168
Review of Falling in Love  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work! I actually found this in your portfolio and was intrigued because I have recently become a big fan of 55-word flash fiction. It's fun to write, although it can be very difficult to!

In any case, I think this has a lot of potential. My critique would be the very first sentence. Because you are working with such a tight word count, I feel like you should say something other "She looked up at him and deeply into his eyes..." (only this part). To me, this little bit just feels a little cliche. I think you need something that packs more punch in the moment. Maybe something like "She would later attribute it to the fall, because as he helped her up, she actually saw him." I dunno, but something like that. Anyway, it's just a thought. Otherwise, I think the word choice for the rest of the story is on-point, as it should be with something so short.

Thanks for the quick read and write on!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
This image is on 'share' for reviewers to use

Looking for something scary to read? Check out my new book available exclusively at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or visit my blog at http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
169
169
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

You reviewed something of mine earlier this week and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work! I thought your story was very cute and engaging, with little to no errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation, so that's very good. However, I think for me, I was looking for more of a greater punchline, something with a little more oomph! I don't know if this story was true or not, but perhaps you could embellish it somewhat--although of course, right at this moment, I couldn't say how. I just felt little it needed a little kick because I think there is great potential in this piece. It reads with a great momentum, so you keep wondering, what's going to happen, what's going to happen?! and then...that which happens isn't so big.

In any case, this is just my opinion. Please use it or disregard it as you will. No offense or disrespect was intended, and again, thanks for sharing your work. Write on!


Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
This image is on 'share' for reviewers to use

Looking for something scary to read? Check out my new book available exclusively at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or visit my blog at http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com
170
170
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there!

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work! I loved this poem and I thought it was great. I loved the dichotomy of your list between the things that were "shallow" and those things that were more "profound". It gave the poem a startling amount of depth and beauty which I thought was lovely. The beat and the rhythm were a comfort to me as I read. I don't know that there's a single thing to improve in this piece. Write on!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
This image is on 'share' for reviewers to use

Looking for something scary to read? Check out my new book available exclusively at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or visit my blog at http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com
171
171
Review of Mr Pumpkinface  
Review by elizjohn
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi there!

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

I thought this was a great poem. Loved the idea of telling a tradition of Halloween through the making of pumpkin. I liked the rhythm of the poem and really, what I liked most is that it tells a story. That's actually my preferred genre of poetry--prose--so I'm really glad I picked yours. Keep up the good work!

Thank you for sharing your work!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
This image is on 'share' for reviewers to use

Looking for something scary to read? Check out my new book available exclusively at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or visit my blog at http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com
172
172
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there!

Thank you for sharing your work and allowing me to read this! Considering that this was your first time out of the bag, I thought it was a great first attempt.

I thought overall you did a great job building the story. As the reader, I was curious to know, in terms of what happened to Francis. Actually, that was explained at the very end, of course, but I wanted to know why Francis and his brother had decided to go this route, given how extreme it was. I think that if you had to do any rewrites or editing, then I would add that to the story. I think the story is too big to leave it out. I don't say not to be vague--sometimes that's good, but be vague with a point of reference, if that makes any sense at all. I think that for me, that's what's lacking in this piece. In fact, I would take out some of the descriptions of the monster--not a lot, mind you, be selective--so that it doesn't get to bogged down, and then add that bit about the why to the story line.

Otherwise, the story was very engaging, and actually, you wrote it so well that it was easy to see the action taking place, especially when he was looking at himself in the mirror and when he was looking at his family picture. When he steamed up the glass of the picture frame, I thought that was a very nice detail, and really, you had quite a few of those nice details, so keep it up.

Anyway, thanks again for letting me read! Write on!

Respectfully submitted,
Elizabeth M. John
** Image ID #1844179 Unavailable **

Looking for something scary to read? Then pick up a copy of my new book today! It's...brrr...chilling! Mwah hahahahahaha...

https://www.createspace.com/3838578

Or the ebook version available at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or check out my blog at: http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com/
173
173
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Angus!

I always like to see what people come up with when I give a prompt, so imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw you entered! I just had to read and review...and I thought you did a great job! *Smile*

The writing was really spot-on. I was intrigued from beginning to end. The pace of the story was well-established and maintained, the dialogue felt very really and authentic, and the narration was well done, too. I was able to easily visualize the scenes as you depicted, and you ratcheted up the tension very nicely. I also liked the vague nature of your villain, and really, when I finished the story, I wanted more information. I had more questions than answers, but in the very best possible way.

If it were up to me today, I'd give you the win, but I'm sure you've got it anyway!

Take care and have a great day! And of course, write on! *Smile*


Respectfully submitted,
Elizabeth M. John
** Image ID #1844179 Unavailable **

Looking for something scary to read? Then pick up a copy of my new book today! It's...brrr...chilling! Mwah hahahahahaha...

https://www.createspace.com/3838578

Or the ebook version available at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Or check out my blog at: http://elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com/
174
174
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there!

Thank you for participating in today's Daily Slice! As yesterday's judge, I wanted to give you some feedback on your story!

Well, congratulations on your win! I thought your story was extremely creative and original, and that is what drove my selection in your piece yesterday. It was very imaginative, and for the most part, I thought it was pretty well-written.

Also, can I just make the following comment: I knew! I always knew that Pat Sajak was the devil! LOL!

Thank you again for participating in the Daily Slice! We look forward to seeing more of your work on our pages!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1844179 Unavailable **

Check out my new book available for sale at:
https://www.createspace.com/3838578

Or the ebook version available exclusively at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Blog: http://www.elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com
175
175
Review of Severance  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there!

Thank you for participating in today's Daily Slice! As yesterday's judge, I wanted to give you some feedback on your story!

Great job meeting the challenge of the prompt. I enjoyed the story very much, and I thought the ending was very intriguing and left me thinking about the story long after I read it. Actually, yours was in my final running...I only picked the winner because I found it to be very original. Regardless, yours was a very good story also!

Thank you again for participating in the Daily Slice! We look forward to seeing more of your work on our pages!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1844179 Unavailable **

Check out my new book available for sale at:
https://www.createspace.com/3838578

Or the ebook version available exclusively at amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-in-a-Flash-ebook/dp...

Blog: http://www.elizabethmichaudjohn.wordpress.com
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